


Roots and Wings

by theramblinrose



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Baby, Building a new life together, Captain Janeway, Chakotay & Tom, Chakotay - Freeform, Everybody's here, F/M, Female Friendships, Janeway & B'Elanna, Janeway x Chakotay, Multi, New Earth, Romance, Tom x B'Elanna, Voyager, Whole crew involvement, cavity causing sweetness sometimes (you've been warned), chakotay x janeway, episode rewrites, fluff and love, friendships, new life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-03-21 12:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 102
Words: 243,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13740552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theramblinrose/pseuds/theramblinrose
Summary: Janeway x Chakotay.  Starts around Resolutions, but I’m playing with a lot of the story and taking a lot of liberties.  Together, they had everything they needed to build a wonderful new life together.





	1. Chapter 1

AN: This is a multi-chapter story based around “Resolutions.” I’m taking HUGE liberties with the timeline, the plot, etc. though. Basically I’m changing all kinds of things about it, but that’s the episode that inspired me to start this. 

I own nothing from Star Trek and this story is just for entertainment purposes. It’s not for profit and I’d really recommend not even taking it seriously. It’s just something I’m doing for my enjoyment and, hopefully, for someone else’s.

I’ll give you a warning that there’s a little smut in this chapter. I don’t write much, and I don’t get too detailed, but sometimes it happens. This is one of those times. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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He’d been in love with her since almost the first moment he’d seen her. He’d certainly been in love with her since the moment he’d let down his Maquis guard and come to know his Starfleet captain.

All the time spent on the ship, he’d dealt with the forced distance that she kept between them. He’d dealt with the erratic way that his body behaved any time they touched or drew near to each other. At night, alone in his quarters, he’d dealt with all the scenarios his mind had created for how they might cross that line that kept them separate as surely as any force field ever could.

She was his captain. She was in command of him in every way imaginable. She always had been, even if she wasn’t fully aware of the scope of the control that she had over him. 

He had learned to accept the fact that there would likely never be anything between them. What he wanted to happen between them would simply never happen.

But things had changed. They had changed so entirely in such a small amount of time that Chakotay couldn’t figure out which of their many and varied lives felt more like a dream.

The one just in front of him, though, was the one that seemed to truly be too good to be true. 

Chakotay waited as long as he could stand to wait for her to make any final protests that she might want to make, but they didn’t come. He watched her face from above her as he entered her and she held his eyes with her own. As soon as her body detected its invader, her walls locked down around him and she closed her eyes to him. 

It had been some time for both of them and his body was crying out for movement and haste while her muscles begged him for time to adjust to their new positions. 

Her comfort meant a thousand times more to him than his own. He’d stop that instant and leave her body, no matter how impossible something like that felt at the moment, if she told him that’s what she wanted him to do. 

That wasn’t what she wanted, though. She accepted his quiet apology, which Chakotay wrapped in a kiss for her, for any discomfort she might feel while her body adjusted to accept him. Slowly, he felt the tight hold her muscles had on him relax and she opened her eyes to him and rolled her hips as a silent invitation to him to move the way that he wanted. 

Chakotay accepted her unspoken answer to a question that he never asked out loud, and he let her set the pace for their course. 

It was the first time that they were ever together. Chakotay hoped it would be the first of many times, but he was sure that it would always be special to him. It was the first time that he saw Kathryn come completely undone in such a beautiful way—and it was him that she allowed to be her undoing. 

Later, soaking in the very same bathtub with her that had started the whole thing, Chakotay held Kathryn’s body against him and marveled at the small wonders of the world. 

She leaned back against him, rooting into him a little, and turned her face to the side to rub it against his in an almost catlike manner. 

“What?” She asked. Chakotay hummed at her to clarify. “What are you laughing at?” 

“I wasn’t laughing,” he responded. 

“You were,” Kathryn quietly countered. 

Chakotay took the bath sponge she was toying with and ran it over the front of her body once more as though he hadn’t already washed her clean over half a dozen times in the short amount of time they’d been soaking there. 

“I was just thinking about small wonders,” Chakotay said. 

“Small wonders?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay hummed at her and kissed her damp neck. Wet tendrils of her hair stuck to his face and he smiled to himself again. He loved to see her with her hair down. It made her so much more human ad so much less captain. 

Now the captain side of her was nowhere to be seen. 

“I don’t know whether to thank the insect that got us grounded here, or the primate that broke that final barrier tonight,” Chakotay explained. 

He felt Kathryn tense and he responded by holding her until she relaxed again. She wasn’t as comfortable as he was, yet, with the thought that they were really alone. Voyager was gone. They were the only humanoids on this planet, which they had named New Earth, and this was their new life together. 

Chakotay was accepting it—even more so now—but Kathryn was still adjusting to the reality of it. 

He was happy being grounded. She still wanted to fly. She’d come around to it, though. This was their life now and Chakotay vowed to himself that he’d do everything he could to make it a happy life for her—one that she’d enjoy until the end of her days, something Chakotay hoped would be a great number of years away. 

“Live long and prosper,” had been Tuvok’s final words to them as Voyager left them behind under Kathryn’s final command. Chakotay intended for them to do just that. He could be patient with Kathryn. He could have infinite patience for her if that’s what she needed from him.

The virus that they had wouldn’t hurt them as long as they remained within the protective atmosphere of the planet they were calling home. Kathryn hoped to find a cure for their virus, but the truth was that Chakotay already believed a cure would do them very little good. Voyager had left them. It had been gone for at least a week and it wouldn’t be coming back this way. Voyager was headed for Earth—the real one—and it wasn’t going to keep circling back to see if Kathryn had solved the mystery of the virus. They had a small craft, but even if they were to cure the virus, they wouldn’t make it home in the small vessel. They would die of old age long before they got anywhere near the Earth that they’d once called home.

But Chakotay wasn’t going to hurt Kathryn by destroying her dreams for her. She left family that she cared about on Earth and she dreamed of one day seeing them again. Chakotay wasn’t going to snatch hope away from her. He never would—even if they were nearing a hundred years old and still living on this planet, he’d never tell her it was impossible that she’d ever see her family again. He’d let her hold onto whatever she needed in order to feel happy.

His family, really, was gone. He had no real reason to feel as drawn to Earth as Kathryn did. There or here, home was simply where he made it. 

And now, home was where Kathryn was.

Chakotay kissed the side of Kathryn’s face again as she relaxed into his arms once more. 

“It’s going to be morning soon,” Chakotay said. “We should get some sleep if we’re going to get anything done tomorrow.” 

“I have to check the traps tomorrow,” Kathryn said. “I think I’m going to try something new in them. Maybe I’m not using the right ingredients to draw the insects.” 

Chakotay hummed at her. He didn’t care about the bug hunt, but he’d pretend that he did. It made her happy to tinker all day with science and he wasn’t going to take that away from her any more than he would take anything else away. So he pretended to be interested.

“Do you have some ideas for a better bait?” He asked.

“I have a few ideas,” Kathryn said.

“You can try something new each day,” Chakotay said.

“Or I could try something new in each trap,” Kathryn offered.

Chakotay laughed. 

“It’s better to spread it out each day,” he offered. “Then you give everything a fighting chance to draw something in.” 

He ran his fingers over her skin, feeling how soft she felt in the water. She hummed contentedly at the sensation and then she wrapped her hands around his. 

“What will you do tomorrow?” She asked, toying with his fingers.

“I was thinking about building a bed,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Building a bed? We’ve got beds,” Kathryn said.

“Not one that’s big enough for both of us to sleep in,” Chakotay said. 

“We were in the bed not long ago,” Kathryn pointed out.

“Not side by side, we weren’t,” Chakotay challenged. Kathryn smiled at that. “I can connect the beds, though. I can change them a little. Make them into a bed that we can share. Unless, of course, you don’t want to sleep with me.” 

Kathryn touched her cheek against his, leaning back on him. 

“I think it would be nice,” she said. “But—I think you ought to know that I can be an insatiable cuddler.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Chakotay said.

“It might be more than you can handle,” Kathryn teased.

“I believe I’m up for the challenge.” 

Kathryn moved her body, rubbing herself against him in the tub. She laughed, low in her throat. 

“Are we still talking about the cuddling?” Kathryn asked. 

“We will be,” Chakotay said. “Just as soon as we take care of something else. Can we go inside? Have you soaked enough?” 

Kathryn shifted around, turning as best she could in the tub to face Chakotay. When he’d built her the tub to make her happy, he had thought that he’d built it plenty big enough for her. Now, though, he was wishing that he’d made it a touch bigger. Of course, at the time he was building it, he’d never imagined they might be sharing it. 

“I’ve never...” Kathryn hesitated a long moment, but Chakotay let her have her time to search for the words that she wanted. “I’ve never been with anyone under the stars, Chakotay.”

It sounded like it was part statement and part question. 

“It seems like it would be a bit too rustic for you,” Chakotay said. “Like it would be getting a little too in touch with nature.” 

“I’ve already done a couple of things that I didn’t think I’d ever do tonight,” Kathryn said. “Maybe it’s a night for trying new things. Having new adventures. Different kinds of adventures. I’ve never stayed up until dawn, either, because I spent all night being with someone every chance we got.” 

Chakotay swallowed. The way she was looking at him took his breath away. The night was bright and she was beautiful in the moonlight. She looked like she just stepped out of a dream—one of his greatest dreams—but she was as real as anyone ever had been.

“Dry off, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I’ll go get a couple of blankets. It’s a night for adventures. New experiences. And I want to give you as many new experiences as I can.” 

Before he moved to help her out of the tub and free himself for the trip inside after blankets, Chakotay accepted the warm and passionate kiss that Kathryn offered him. Tonight they’d sleep out under the stars on a blanket—at least for as much sleep as they actually got. Tomorrow, he’d build them a bed that they could share together for all the nights to come.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: So, as you can probably tell, right now Chakotay and Kathryn are on, essentially, a type of honeymoon. They’re still adjusting to their new world, their new lives, and to each other. But there’s plenty more story to be told. 

This chapter has a NSFW section. It’s the second half of the chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay couldn’t help but smile to himself. Kathryn was lost to the world when she focused on her work. She was happy when she could bury herself in the pursuit of science and understanding. Physically she was no more than a few feet away from him—sitting on the same blanket they’d used for other purposes during the wee hours of the morning with her work—but mentally she was lightyears away.

Chakotay was working on his own project, but his was a lot less lofty than Kathryn’s. Kathryn was trying to discover a cure for their virus and somehow figure out how to get them back to Earth. Chakotay’s goal for the day was only to turn their two small single beds into something sturdy and comfortable that could hold them both through the night.

Even if they weren’t engaging with each other, he was glad that she was choosing, of her own free will, to stay close to him while she worked.

His father had once told him, when he was young, that one day he would find the woman that was created especially to complete him. His father said that he would know immediately that he’d found her. He’d feel impossibly drawn to her. He’d crave her. He’d crave her presence and he’d never want leave her side. Once he held her, his arms would ache to hold her again. He’d never again have eyes or taste for another woman. He would lay down his life for her, without hesitation, because his life meant little to him without her. And, supposedly, he would feel all of this in an instant if he were ever lucky enough to find the woman who was created as his other half. 

Chakotay had thought it was a ridiculous story, but suddenly he wasn’t so sure. 

“Were the traps empty this morning?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn’s concentration was broken and she stared at him, almost scowling, until she came out of the deep trance that she’d been in while studying whatever she was reading. 

“Did you say something?” She asked, her features softening. 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Whatever that is, it must be pretty important,” Chakotay said. “You haven’t looked up from it since you came back from checking the traps. Your neck’s going to get sore sitting like that.” 

Kathryn sighed. 

“It’s interesting, but I’m afraid it isn’t important,” she said. “It’s some of the notes that the doctor sent on his studies of the virus.”

“Nothing helpful?” Chakotay asked.

“Nothing that can help us,” Kathryn said. “I still think I could find an antidote if I could just get my hands on one of the insects. They weren’t hard to find when they were biting us, but now I can’t find a single one.” 

“Traps were empty again?” Chakotay asked. He already knew the answer given what she’d said, but he’d do anything to keep the conversation going for a few more moments. Kathryn hummed at him and nodded. She abandoned her studying entirely and stretched, unfolding herself and changing her position on the blanket. “You’ll have better luck tomorrow,” Chakotay offered, pretending that he wasn’t ogling her out of the corner of his eye. 

“I already reset them,” Kathryn said. She got up from her spot on the blanket and crossed the distance that lie between them. She walked up behind Chakotay and leaned against him as she peered around his arm. “What are you doing?” 

Chakotay stopped his work to reach his arm back and pull her into a sideways embrace. She wrapped her arms around him and let him guide her to his side. She fit perfectly there. 

She fit perfectly with him in every way. 

Chakotay kissed the side of her face and Kathryn smiled at him softly before she offered him a proper kiss. It was the first since that morning, so Chakotay was relieved that she offered it freely. It erased any concerns he had brewing that she might regret what had happened and that she might pull away from him.

“I told you,” Chakotay said,” “I’m building us a bed to share out of the small beds that didn’t have room for us.” 

“That’s the bed,” Kathryn said, pointing to the structure that he’d been working with most of the morning. “Or at least most of it. What’s this?” 

She ran her fingers along the wood that Chakotay was sanding. 

“This is going to be a headboard,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn squeezed her arms around Chakotay. 

“Do we need a headboard?” She asked.

“We don’t have to have one,” Chakotay said, “but I know you like to sit in bed and read when you can’t sleep. A headboard will make it more comfortable for you to do that.”

“So thoughtful,” Kathryn teased. “I didn’t know you were such a builder. The tub, the bed...”

“My father thought it was important that I know how to do things with my hands,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn smirked at him.

“Well, you certainly do know how to do things with your hands,” Kathryn said. “Impressive things.”

“I could take a break,” Chakotay offered. “Show you a few other things if you’re interested.”

Kathryn slipped away from him then and walked a large loop around his work area to end up on the other side of it where she could examine the bedframe that he’d been constructing. Chakotay smiled just watching her walk. She was moving so lightly, walking on the balls of her bare feet, that she almost looked to be moments away from skipping. 

She might be fighting against accepting that this was their new life, but it looked good on her. 

“I think it’s better to wait until after the bed’s done,” Kathryn said, running her finger down the side of the structure that Chakotay had already put together. “That way you’ve got an incentive to finish it.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself and returned to his work. 

“The bed’ll be done, Kathryn, don’t worry,” Chakotay said. “What happened to sleeping out under the stars? I thought you actually enjoyed it last night.” 

“Maybe we could drag the bed out here sometimes,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “I liked it, but the ground is hard and my back’s not getting any younger.” 

“Then the next time you’re in the mood to sleep under the stars,” Chakotay offered, “You can help me bring the bed outside. Tonight, though, it’s going inside.”

“We can test it out,” Kathryn offered. “Since you’ve spent so much time working on it.”

“It’ll be more than worth it,” Chakotay assured her.

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“Oh God—that feels so good,” Kathryn breathed out. Chakotay stopped his hands and laughed to himself. Kathryn lifted her head from her hands and turned to look over her shoulder at him. “Why did you stop?” She asked, a hint of a whine escaping in her voice. 

“I only wish you sounded so passionate when we were together earlier,” Chakotay said. “It’s only my massages that you’re interested in, isn’t it?” 

Kathryn rolled over on her back and smiled at him. 

“If that’s the way you really feel, then give me my nightgown back,” she said, referring to the fact that after her bath, Chakotay had hidden her nightgown with the promise that she wouldn’t have any use for it, so she needn’t go searching for it. Chakotay simply shook his head at her and smioled. “It’s not just your massages,” she said, raising her eyebrow at him. 

“What else is it?” Chakotay asked. 

“I really do like the bathtub,” Kathryn said. “You cook. I hate cooking. This bed is nice and it’s nice to have a little more room. The headboards are a nice touch.” 

“Is that all?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn hummed.

“You’ve given me all your replicator rations,” Kathryn said. “Those are pretty nice too.” 

“All the coffee your heart desires,” Chakotay said. “At least until we’re without the replicator.”

“There’s more that I’m interested in,” Kathryn said. “If you want to hear about it.” 

In the matter of a moment, Kathryn set her expression to be more serious than it had been before. She was still smiling at him with her eyes, though. Chakotay used his finger to brush some of her hair out of her face where it twisted around her as she rolled. 

“I want to hear anything you have to say,” Chakotay said. 

A smile played across Kathryn’s lips, but she swallowed it away quickly. 

“I’m interested in your lips,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Really?” He asked. She nodded. “Where?”

Kathryn pointed at her own lips. 

“Right here,” she said. 

Chakotay kissed her lips and then he moved down to kiss her neck. 

“And here?” He asked. She hummed at him, tipping her head back to give him better access as he peppered her throat with kisses. “Here?” He asked again, slipping downward to plant soft kisses along her chest. She arched her back in response. Chakotay swallowed back his amusement. He was already learning her. He was learning her body and her responses. She was, as she’d warned him, a cuddler. But she loved touch in any form. Now that she was allowing herself to indulge in touch, it was clear how much she really seemed to enjoy it. Chakotay was happy to give her all she wanted and then some. He slowly finished his trail down her body. “Here?” He asked, planting a kiss at the soft skin just below her belly button. She hummed at him and shivered in response. In anticipation, she opened her legs to him, making it easier for him to pay attention to any other part of her body in which he might have an interest.

Maybe she was learning him too.

He planted a few kisses on the inside of both of her thighs and she shifted, readjusting her body to be more comfortable. 

Chakotay stopped and waited until she finally opened her eyes and looked at him. He very nearly laughed at her. She almost looked angry.

“What’s wrong?” Kathryn asked.

“I thought you might want to talk,” Chakotay said. “About the other things you were interested in about me.”

“Do you really want to talk?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay knew he was making her suffer because he was suffering. Just seeing her so turned on was enough to drive him crazy. Being close enough to her to smell her hadn’t made it any better. But it was harmless suffering and he knew that both of them were going to get what they wanted out of it. There was no harm in prolonging it just a little. To make sure that she maintained her interest, Chakotay slipped his hand between her legs and stroked her. She responded by throwing her head back and groaning at him as he teased her. 

“That’s getting closer,” Chakotay said, stopping what he was doing as soon as she started to move her body to indicate her interest in helping him along, “but I still think I got more of a reaction over the massage.” 

Kathryn growled at him and then her body shook with laughter.

“Are you trying to make me give you a direct command?” She asked. 

“I’m trying to make sure you’re interested,” Chakotay responded.

“You’re trying to kill me,” she challenged. “I’m pretty sure that I read somewhere that this kind of torture is bad for the heart...and maybe the body, too.”

“This kind of torture?” Chakotay asked. “I wouldn’t want that...what about this kind?” 

He changed his position and first tasted her with the tip of his tongue. She moved, offering him more of herself. He accepted her offer and indulged himself by greedily sucking at what he’d only been teasing before. This time, instead of stopping to let her suffer a little more, Chakotay did his best to bring her over the edge, offering her his hand to hold as she came entirely undone again. She cried out at him, but the sounds she made were simply sounds—animalistic cries of pleasure—instead of words.

Chakotay wiped his mouth with his hand as he moved back up her body, quickly planting kisses at each spot he’d touched on the way down, and stopped just as he kissed her jaw.

“Better,” Chakotay said. “But I still think that you were much more interested in the massage.”

Kathryn looked at him, panting, and then she smirked. 

“I’m only interested in the massage?” She asked.

“I would say so, Kathryn,” Chakotay responded. 

She put her hands on his shoulders and sat up, coaxing him to give her room as she moved. She pushed at him and pointed one finger toward the mattress to let him know where she wanted him to go. It was much easier for him to simply move her body where he pleased than it was for her to do the same. He followed her indications and lie back on his own pillow in the bed. 

Kathryn threw a leg over Chakotay and sat straddled across him. He could feel the damp heat of her against his belly. She leaned forward, covering his body, to offer him a long and deep kiss. He reached to pull her closer to him and to hold the kiss longer, but she broke the kiss and pushed away from him. She smirked and shook her head. 

“No, Chakotay,” Kathryn said, mustering up everything she could to find her captain’s voice and remind Chakotay that somewhere inside of her that commanding part still lived, even if it was being dormant. “It’s my turn now to show you some of my interests.”


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Here we are, another chapter here and a short time jump as they’re still feeling out their relationship and their new home. 

My sincerest thanks to everyone who reads and also to those who review. You have no idea how much the encouragement means! 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Kathryn opened her eyes and slowly came into consciousness. The day was just threatening to break around them and she was wrapped in the warm and familiar embrace of Chakotay.

His embrace was familiar now.

His touch was familiar. His smell was familiar. Even his taste was familiar to her now. 

For weeks Kathryn had been searching in vain for a cure to the virus they had been infected with. She refused to give up hope, but so far she’d found none of the bugs that had bitten them and all of her research, along with pouring over every scientific document that she had access to, indicated that studying the insect directly might be the only way forward. Kathryn had never been one that liked the sensation of giving up and accepting defeat. Today she’d bait the traps with a little of her own blood. The bugs had come for it—for her—before to infect her, so maybe they’d come again for another taste. 

She hadn’t made any scientific discoveries since Voyager had left them behind and continued on to the Alpha Quadrant, but Kathryn had made a few personal discoveries.

She had discovered that wrapped in Chakotay’s embrace was one of her favorite places to wake. She’d discovered that she felt safe there. Comfortable. It was the embodiment of feeling at home. 

Kathryn moved her head, just barely, and pressed her lips gently against the arm that held her. Chakotay didn’t stir. He wasn’t quite ready to wake just yet. Kathryn could tell when he was on the verge of waking. 

They had been grounded there for several weeks. Kathryn had lost track of the exact day and hour. Time didn’t seem to matter there. They didn’t live by any manmade clock. They lived by the inner clock of their animal selves. They ate when they were hungry, drank when they were thirsty, worked when they felt driven by the importance of their task, fucked when they felt the urge, and slept when their exhaustion overtook them.

It felt almost primitive, and entirely unbecoming to a Starfleet captain, but it was life as this planet had it to offer and Kathryn was starting to grow accustomed to the new rhythm of her days.

As a Starfleet captain she would have never dreamed of such behavior while on a mission. Not while she had a duty to her crew. She wasn’t a captain any longer, though, and she didn’t have a crew. She’d sent her ship on with a new captain for the good of her crew. Now her only mission was survival. 

Even if they were able to leave this planet on the small vessel left for them, and even if Chakotay gave her the honorary post of captain, they were simply two humans on a private mission to survive and to find their way home together. There was no crew and Kathryn had no responsibility to anyone except herself and Chakotay.

When Chakotay started to stir, Kathryn smiled to herself. He was predictable. He would stretch around her, almost as though he had to stretch out each muscle of his body upon waking. A few quiet sounds would escape him. Only then would he truly start to wake. From there, he would begin to nuzzle her—gently testing to see if she had already woken or to wake her if she was still sleeping. Finally, satisfied that she was awake, he would kiss her and, still guarding the almost sacred silence of the morning, he would slip his hand between her legs to tease her, asking her to grant him access to her body.

And Kathryn would allow him the intimacy that he requested. She always did. 

The routine offered a comfort to Kathryn that she couldn’t begin to explain or even understand. Having been someone who consistently sought adventure and bored easily, her enjoyment of the repetitive life they were leading surprised her. At the same time as it comforted Kathryn, it almost unnerved her. 

She felt like she wasn’t quite herself, but she also felt like she was more herself than she ever had been before. She felt like she was becoming a version of herself that she’d always meant to be. Chakotay, too, was changing. 

Yet, for all their changes, they were still themselves. Perhaps they were simply adapting to being grounded and having their wings clipped for them. Perhaps they were simply evolving into more complex versions of themselves that would allow them to tackle, together, all the new and unseen challenges that lie ahead of them.

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The look of horror on Chakotay’s face brought more amusement to Kathryn than it really should have. He wrapped her finger so tenderly that she might have thought he believed the wound to be fatal. It was touching if not a bit dramatic. 

“It’s a small cut,” Kathryn assured him, trying to ease some of the worry on his features.

“I wish you wouldn’t have done that,” was all he offered in response. 

“I couldn’t find anything smaller that I could sterilize,” Kathryn said.

Unable to find a pin or a needle to pierce her skin with, and determined to bait her traps with blood to try to draw the elusive insects, Kathryn had sterilized a knife and had used the blade to cut her finger enough to give her some free flowing blood to work with. Knowing that Chakotay would protest her plan, though, she’d waited until he was off gathering some plants to go through with it. By the time he returned, she was finishing up with the traps and was prepared to take them out to hang them once more. Seeing the blood on her hands, though, Chakotay had stopped her from hanging the traps until he could care for the minor wound. 

“I would have helped you find something,” he said. “If you were determined to do it, I could have helped you. The bleeding could have gotten out of hand.” 

“It’s barely a scratch, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “I’ve never known you to react so dramatically over a little blood.” 

“We don’t have the doctor,” Chakotay said. 

“This would hardly warrant a trip to sick bay,” Kathryn pointed out.

“I hate to see you hurting yourself.”

“It’s in the name of science. The insects were draw to my blood before,” Kathryn explained. “Maybe they’ll be drawn to it again. They haven’t taken any other bait.” She smiled at Chakotay as he sat, fussing over a bandage that couldn’t possibly be any better secured. “You might want to be careful, Chakotay,” Kathryn teased. “If this doesn’t work, it might be your blood I come after next.” 

“I’d rather it was mine than yours,” Chakotay said flatly. 

“Will it make you feel better if I tell you that—I won’t do it again, but I had to test the theory at least once?” 

Chakotay nodded his head and his features softened a little. 

“I hope you get your blood sucking insect,” Chakotay said. 

He stood up from the spot where he was sitting, having pulled her down with him to get a look at her finger, and he offered her a hand. She let him pull her to her feet and she wrapped her arms around him when he pulled her into a hug. 

“Did you find all the plants you were looking for?” Kathryn asked when she pulled away from him. She wasn’t sure, but he may have forgotten about his plants entirely in light of the few drops of blood that he’d practically seen as some kind of severed artery. 

“Most of them,” Chakotay said. “I saw your primate friend.” 

Kathryn smiled at the thought of the little creature. The first night they’d seen it was the night that she and Chakotay had been together for the first time. She’d been startled by the primate and she’d crawled out of the bath and called for Chakotay to come because they weren’t alone. Once the primate had scampered off, though, and they were alone, Kathryn had taken a chance that the way Chakotay was looking at her might be something worth exploring. She was glad, now, that she’d taken the chance. 

The primate had returned a number of times since then, but he still refused to get too close. Every time she saw him, though, the primate reminded her of the first night that they were together. She almost felt like she should thank him.

“Did he get close this time?” Kathryn asked.

“Not too close,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn had suspected as much. She didn’t know if they’d ever actually win over the primate.

“What plants did you get?” Kathryn asked.

“I found a few branches that I wanted to use to make spears,” Chakotay said. “I intend to spend a few days looking for wildlife in the area beyond the rodents we’ve seen and the primate. I saw some promising tracks I’d like to explore. If there’s anything available, I’ll begin hunting. There appear to be fish in the pond, as well, so there’s a possibility of doing some spear fishing.”

“Spear fishing?” Kathryn said. “Can you do that?” 

“I’ve done it before,” Chakotay responded. He laughed to himself. “I never was very good at it, but I was always doing it because someone told me to do it, not because I had a reason to do it.” 

“What’s your reason now?” Kathryn asked. “We’ve got plenty of rations. The replicator will last us a long time.” 

“It’s better not to have to rely on it,” Chakotay said. “It’s better to wean ourselves off of all that instead of finding ourselves without anything and desperate for food. I brought some plants, too, that I want to test to see if they’re edible. I don’t know anything about the plant life on this planet, but if it’s anything like Earth then at least a few of them should be safe to eat. If they are, we can gather them up and I can experiment with ways to cook them.” 

“So you can lecture me over a tiny scratch on my finger,” Kathryn said, “but you can go off chasing wild animals with a spear and you can sit and chew on possibly poisonous plants?” 

Chakotay smiled. He tried to hide it, but he couldn’t. She’d caught him at his double standard. 

“I won’t poison myself,” Chakotay said. “And I’ll be careful with the wildlife.” 

“And I barely nicked my finger,” Kathryn responded. 

“The food is for the good of us both,” Chakotay said. “Hunting and gathering keeps us from starving.” 

“If I cure the virus,” Kathryn challenged, “then we won’t have to hunt and gather. We’ll be able to leave the planet. We’ll head back to Earth. The old one.” 

Chakotay nodded his head.

“But you’ll need your strength to keep searching for our cure,” Chakotay said. “And proper nourishment is the best way to go about that. So while you’re searching for the cure, I’ll keep searching for provisions to save the rations we’ll want to take with us on the vessel.” 

Kathryn opened her mouth to respond to him, but she realized that she really couldn’t think of anything to say at the moment. He must have realized it, too, because he looked entirely too pleased with himself. He walked over to her abandoned traps—all of them already baited—and he gathered them up before he handed them to her. 

“Do you want me to go with you?” Chakotay asked. “Help you get them all placed again?” 

“No,” Kathryn said, taking her traps and starting off in the direction of the locations she’d already chosen. “I can hang the traps. You just go and play with your stick, Chakotay!” 

“It’s called a spear, Kathryn!” Chakotay called after her. 

She laughed to herself and glanced back over her shoulder at him. He was standing, watching her go. 

“So that’s what you’re calling it,” Kathryn called back over her shoulder before she slipped around the cover of some of the trees and out of Chakotay’s sight.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Here’s another chapter. 

As always, all events/characters/dialogue/plot taken from the show don’t belong to me. I own nothing from Star Trek Voyager and I’m only writing this for my entertainment value and hopefully for the entertainment of a few readers.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Kathryn was gone a little longer than Chakotay had expected her to be, but when she came strolling back with the determination that she wore when she walked almost anywhere, Chakotay could see that she was unscathed. So far, their planet was proving to be entirely peaceful and, except for the bite of the insect that gave them the virus, entirely safe. 

Chakotay sometimes forgot that he was supposed to be upset with the insect that had given them the virus that kept them grounded there. It was difficult to be upset about having been handed a practical paradise and having Kathryn as a mate with which to share it. 

“Did you get all the traps hung?” Chakotay asked. 

“They’re all placed,” Kathryn confirmed. “I kept most of them in their old locations, but I made a few changes. There’s a really beautiful field beyond the clearing and there are some flowering trees that are growing there. I thought it might be a good place to put a few traps. Now there’s nothing to do but wait until tomorrow to see if the insects took the bait.” 

“Well if you don’t have anything to do,” Chakotay offered, “I have a few projects that you could help with.” 

Kathryn put her hand on her hip and regarded him. Until now, most of their projects since they’d built the shelter had been separate. Hers had involved studying the environment to determine how to leave the planet while his had involved studying the planet to determine the best ways to live there comfortably. He hadn’t crossed over into her tasks, and she hadn’t crossed over into his. 

“What did you have in mind?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay gestured from where he was sitting on the ground working to the case that he’d dragged out of the corner of their shelter that they used for storage. 

“When Neelix packed the food for us, he was thoughtful enough to include that case full of prepared seeds from the hydroponics bay,” Chakotay explained. “Once I’m making some progress determining the toxicity of the plants around us, I can start to gather seeds and control their growth to ensure their abundance. Judging from the state of the plants around us, however, the planet looks to be fertile. It appears to be a good period for growth here. It would be a good idea to plant the seeds that Neelix sent while we have a growing season on our side. We can establish some new species of plants that way and ensure a harvest.”

“We don’t know about the virus,” Kathryn said quickly. “Chakotay, I could be hours away from finding the insects. I could be days away from developing a cure that will let us leave the planet and set a course for Earth. It’s a bit premature to lay claim to the area so entirely as to introduce new plants and to start worrying about a harvest.”

Chakotay could see the potential for conflict looming ahead just as surely as if it were marked with the lights of a Red Alert. He carefully considered what he wanted to say to avoid as much of that conflict as possible. 

“Nature has growing seasons,” Chakotay said. “The new growth happens when nature is ready for it to happen, not when we’re ready. It’s the perfect time for Her, so it doesn’t really matter whether or not it’s the ideal time for us. The seasons here are still unpredictable for us. We have no way of knowing the next time there might be a growing season. Whether or not we’re successful or whether or not we’re here to see it come to fruition, we’ve got to take the opportunity to plant now if we think we might want a harvest in the future. If we’re not here, we leave it for the other animals to eat, or it rots and goes back to fertilize the ground again. At any rate, we need to get prepared and start getting those seeds in the ground as soon as possible. I could use your help. We need to clear a plot. We need to turn the soil and prepare it for planting.”

“I’m not ready to give up on the chance that we might go home,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay sucked in a breath and held it while he considered all the possible ways that he could respond. 

“I’m not asking you to give up, Kathryn,” Chakotay assured her. “I don’t want you to ever give up on anything. I’m just asking you to help me break up the dirt and pull a few weeds.” 

“It just feels like...” Kathryn started, but she broke off.

“It feels like what?” Chakotay asked. 

“It feels like you’ve given up,” Kathryn said. “On me. On my research.” 

Chakotay put down the spear that he was working on sharpening and pushed himself up so that he could stand facing Kathryn. He caught her by the arms and kneaded her muscles in his hands as he held her in front of him. 

“I would never give up on you, Kathryn,” Chakotay promised her. “I couldn’t. I won’t give up on you for as long as there’s breath in both of our bodies.”

Kathryn stared at him and swallowed.

“You built a bathtub for me,” Kathryn said. “I could have done without it. You’ve built us a bed. You’re working tirelessly to make the shelter a more comfortable house. Now you’re exploring our food options on this planet. You’re preparing to hunt and fish. You’re talking about planting a garden and growing food. Chakotay—it feels like you’re more focused on making a home than finding a cure and leaving for Earth.”

“I am focused on building a home, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “For the both of us. I’m focused on making it the most comfortable home that I can possibly make it. Whether we’re here for a day or for the rest of our lives, that’s what I’m going to do. It’s what I’m wired to do, Kathryn. You’re focused on finding the cure. That’s what you’re wired to do. You’re wired to research and think about science and test boundaries—it’s part of who you are and that’s what you’re doing. But I can’t ignore the fact that right now we’re here. Right now, this is our home. This is our life. This is what we have. If we stay, we’ll need things to continue living. We need things now to be more comfortable. I can’t sacrifice the present for a future that may never come.” 

Kathryn dropped her eyes from him and nodded her head. She turned around and he let her go. She walked to the case that held the seeds and stood over it, looking down at it for a moment. 

“Maybe, one day, I’ll accept that there’s no cure,” Kathryn said. “But—I don’t believe it will be today. I’m not ready to let go yet.”

“You don’t have to,” Chakotay responded. “I’ll never ask you to.” 

“Have you picked out a spot, Chakotay? For the garden?”

Chakotay smiled to himself. 

“I’ll show you,” he said. “It’s got enough shade for the plants that are going to require that and more than enough sun for the ones who prefer that.”

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Kathryn normally went out to check her traps the moment that she’d eaten something for breakfast. This morning, though, she’d gone directly to the plot of land they would be using to plant their seeds and she’d worked at tearing up the grass and weeds and turning over the soil where she’d left off the night before. She worked tirelessly, alone, for a few hours. Chakotay was off doing something. Kathryn hadn’t kept track of his whereabouts, but she knew two things: he’d be back and whatever he was doing was going to be good for the both of them.

Kathryn had fought against the idea of planting seeds for most of the day before, but she had to admit that starting to prepare the ground felt somewhat exciting to her. Once her hands were in the dirt, she’d almost hated to leave the plot that they’d chosen. There was something exciting about knowing that they were preparing the ground for new life. At the moment, tearing up the grass that already grew there and tossing it to the side, Kathryn was destroying life. But in a few days, prepared for planting, they would put the seeds into the ground and they would tend to them while they waited for them to take root and grow.

Out of the destruction came life. 

When Kathryn was finally done with her work at their garden plot, she stood up and dusted her hands off on her dress. The smell of the fresh dirt was almost intoxicating. She made her way back to the shelter and found Chakotay there, hard at work at something.

“What are you doing now?” Kathryn asked, smiling to herself.

“Snares,” Chakotay said. “For birds. There are a lot of them not far from here. I’ve been seeing them all over. They appear to be some kind of hen, but I want to capture a few of them to study before I commit to killing them or raiding their nests for eggs.” 

He smiled at her over his shoulder and abandoned his work with the string. He walked over to her and Kathryn closed her eyes to the welcomed feeling of his hand trailing over her cheek. 

“You’ve been playing in the dirt,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn didn’t try to hide her smile.

“I finished the plot,” she said. “When do we plant?” 

“Some of the seeds are still soaking,” Chakotay said. “Two days? Admit it, you like the idea more than you thought you would.” 

“I don’t mind the idea of growing things,” Kathryn said. “It’s a science in its own right.” 

“That’s the best I’m going to get, isn’t it?” Chakotay asked. He laughed to himself when Kathryn didn’t respond to him. “How did your blood sacrifice work? How many insects did you bring in this time?” 

Kathryn felt her chest tighten. She jumped with a start.

“I forgot to check the traps! I wanted to finish up the plot and I haven’t been out to check them yet!” Kathryn responded. Her stomach twisted at the thought that she had forgotten something she’d declared to be the most important task she had on this planet. She wasn’t ready, yet, to explore what that might mean. 

“You better go,” Chakotay said. “You don’t want to put it off too late. I’m going to see if I can catch a hen or two. If they look OK, we might have one for dinner tonight. You can tell me about the bugs you caught while I clean it.” 

“I’m not getting anywhere near you while you clean it,” Kathryn said. She leaned up on her toes and offered Chakotay a kiss which he accepted and returned. “But I will go and check the traps. If I wait any longer, I won’t have time to bait them again and get them hung out before dark.” 

Chakotay caught her hand, forcing it up for her to look at it. 

“No more blood sacrifices,” Chakotay said, holding her wrist. “You promised.” 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“I promised I wouldn’t use any more of my blood,” she said. She winked at him when he let go of her hand, shaking his head and laughing to himself. Kathryn didn’t waste any time, though, before she headed back to the shelter to retrieve her case for collecting specimens.

She covered ground quickly when most of the traps were empty. It didn’t take her long to peer inside them, see that her bait had done nothing to draw the insects she was after, and move on to another trap. She was almost to the final trap that she’d set out—the furthest from their shelter—when she saw a sight that made her heart speed up in her chest. 

Inside the trap she was currently holding in her hand, there was one of the insects that she was looking for. He’d taken the bait. Finally he’d come to her and she had him. 

Kathryn recognized that it was probably unusual for someone to feel so incredibly happy over a bug, but she was thrilled. She quickly gathered the insect and closed him into the specimen cup that she secured in her case. While she was closing the trap, she heard a sound that drew her attention.

Her primate friend had come to see her. 

“Hello,” Kathryn crooned at the primate. She held her hand out in his direction. “You certainly cover a lot of ground. In the woods with Chakotay and now here with me. Are there more of you? Are you the only one of your species or do you have a mate? I’m sorry we’re invading your territory, but I’ve just found an insect that might be our ticket off of your planet.” 

Kathryn only stopped talking to the primate because he suddenly looked agitated and started shrieking loudly and harshly at her. She almost wanted to cover her ears against the sound. She asked the primate what was wrong, sure that she’d get no more response than she’d gotten for anything else she’d said, but she quickly started to see the answer for herself. 

The sky was growing dark at an alarming speed. Kathryn watched the change, speaking out loud to herself and the primate that wouldn’t respond to her as she marveled at the sky. Black clouds seemed to appear from nowhere. They covered over the sky and the wind picked up. Suddenly, there were bolts of lightning that seemed to strike the ground with enough force that the whole planet shook.

Not knowing what was happening but sure that it was dangerous, Kathryn grabbed her case and started to run as fast as she could for the shelter that she shared with Chakotay.

As she ran, she wished she hadn’t chosen that hour to be out collecting specimens. Instead, she wished she was back at the shelter and near Chakotay. The lightning strikes threatened her. The rain stung her skin and the wind whipped her in one direction and another as the ground vibrated under her feet. She was finding it impossible to keep her balance and she was making very little forward progress because she was being thrown to her hands and knees almost constantly. 

She cried out, a few times, for Chakotay, but she doubted he could hear her. He’d probably taken shelter. He was probably waiting for her. He would have to be crazy to be out in the storm any longer than he had to be, especially since it seemed to be gathering power from somewhere. 

She was starting to fear that she wasn’t going to make it back to the shelter. But, then, she heard him. Despite the fear of the storm that was causing her heart to seize up, she couldn’t help but feel a warm rush of relief as he wrapped his strong hands around her arms. She was safe. He would see to that.

“Kathryn! Kathryn! Are you alright? Are you hurt?”


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Here’s another chapter here. It’s a bit of a transition chapter. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The plasma storm raged around them. It reminded Chakotay of how little they really knew about this planet. The storm had come without warning. He’d been trying to snare birds near their shelter and, suddenly, all the birds had fled. For a moment, Chakotay had assumed that the birds were fleeing from his presence, but it didn’t take him long to realize that it was the plasma storm. He’d been terrified that Kathryn wouldn’t make it back and he wouldn’t be able to find her. He’d covered ground as quickly as he could. He’d been relieved, too, to find her even though he wasn’t comforted by the fact that she was on the ground when he located her. She’d assured him quickly, though, that she was fine. She couldn’t keep her balance while carrying her case and the strong wind whipped her around mercilessly. Chakotay carried her case for her and he practically dragged her back to the shelter by her arm. He’d carry her and anything else that she needed to be sure that she was safe. 

Even inside their shelter, they hadn’t immediately found safety from the storm. The plasma storm shook the shelter. The ground trembled. They had to take cover under their table to protect themselves from falling items and the possible collapse of the entire structure of their home.

Under the table, waiting to see how bad things would get before they simply ended, Chakotay clung to Kathryn. Her body against his, and practically under his own as he tried to offer her one more line of defense by letting his body be her shield, made him feel calm and strong. Kathryn made him feel strong—stronger than he really was—and confident. She also, in her own way, made Chakotay feel secure. She believed in him at all times and he knew that, with her by his side, anything could be survived. 

During the storm, Kathryn needed Chakotay to lend her his strength, and he did. He tried to reassure her all that he could while he held her tightly against the chance that she might try to leave the table before it was safe. She cried out because of the absolute violence of the storm. She cried out for the destruction of their home and their belongings around them. And she cried out for Chakotay, his name carrying through the sounds of her anguish and the angry storm. Chakotay responded to her cries by simply holding her. It was all that he could really do. He felt helpless because he couldn’t offer her any more than that. 

The storm and its destruction was terrifying, even for Chakotay. It left them with a great deal more insecurity than they’d known before, but they would get through it together. They were both strong and capable and, no matter how much they lost, they could survive—and even thrive—without it. 

Chakotay held Kathryn under the table even after the storm calmed and passed. The unknown element of the storm made him reluctant to leave cover until they were absolutely certain it was gone and they weren’t being lulled into false security by some kind of eye in the storm’s center. In the time after the stillness fell around them, both of them still waiting for the aftershocks or something more to come from the storm, Kathryn fell asleep in Chakotay’s arms from the pure exhaustion she must have felt after her emotions had drained her so completely. 

Chakotay lie there, holding her and letting her sleep, for some time after he was sure the danger had passed. Their little home was in shambles. There was hardly anything they owned that hadn’t been thrown to the ground if that wasn’t where it had begun. Even the things that had started on the floor had been moved around thanks to the shaking ground. Chakotay and Kathryn had practically followed the table as it moved around the room during the storm.

Much of what they had was destroyed, but Chakotay found that he wasn’t too troubled by the loss. He was healthy and whole. He was holding Kathryn in his arms and a quick checking her over told him that she hadn’t suffered any lasting physical damage. Nothing else really mattered that much. Anything else could be replaced or they could learn to live without it. 

When he felt like it was safe, Chakotay got up and carefully moved the table. He lifted Kathryn up and she didn’t wake until, feeling her body roll into him, she panicked over the sensation of falling. Chakotay tightened his hold on her to ensure that her panicked attempts to keep from falling weren’t what actually sent her tumbling to the ground.

“Shhhh,” Chakotay soothed. “I’ve got you. We’re safe. The storm’s gone. We’re going to bed. Go to sleep, Kathryn. I’ve got you.” 

Chakotay kept up with his attempts at soothing words as Kathryn tried to voice concerns through her exhaustion that he wouldn’t entertain until morning. He soothed her through apologies for what she perceived as a weakness in herself because she’d been upset and frightened by something that had made Chakotay feel terrified in his own right. He soothed her as he tucked her into bed, not bothering to attempt to change either of their clothes, and he soothed her as he took his place next to her and wrapped himself around her again. 

The dawn would bring a new day and they could survey the damage together—all of it—but they still had what mattered most. They had each other. 

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“We’ll look outside. We’ll see if any of the traps are salvageable,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn could feel his hands on her shoulders. He was standing just behind her. He was physically offering her as much of his strength as he possibly could. She appreciated what he was trying to do, but there was no way to make this feel better. There was no way to take the sting out of it. 

“We need to clean some of this up,” she said. 

She bent down to start gathering up pieces of broken supplies and broke the physical contact between herself and Chakotay. In response to his newfound freedom—which he hadn’t been able or willing to find until she’d broken the connection between them—Chakotay crossed the room and started rummaging through some of the other debris. 

“I can’t even tell what pieces belonged to what equipment,” Kathryn marveled. “This is destroyed. It’s not salvageable.” 

“Most of our medical equipment is gone,” Chakotay said. “Broken beyond repair. It would’ve been fine if I’d thought to move the case to the floor, but...”

He broke off and Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“It would have all been fine if we’d thought to move everything we had to the floor,” Kathryn said. “We didn’t have any way to anticipate the storm, though. We still don’t know where it came from or why it happened. We don’t know how likely it is to happen again. Even if we’d had some kind of warning, who would have suspected that a storm could cause every single thing to shake off a surface? Are both the tricorders broken?” 

“They’re damaged,” Chakotay confirmed. “But I think I can use the pieces of both of them to create one that works for emergencies. The replicator looks to be fairly undamaged, so we can probably replicate some of what we need. We might just have to do a few minor repairs on it.” 

Kathryn sighed. 

“We can clear all of this off the floor,” Kathryn said. “The equipment is broken and damaged. Most of it is beyond any repair.” 

She kicked her way through the mess and found the black case that Chakotay had put down as they’d entered the shelter the night before. She knelt down and opened the case. The specimen cup was still inside. Kathryn peered into it. She couldn’t help but laugh to herself. The laughter was the only thing that kept her from crying.

“The seeds in the case will be fine,” Chakotay continued, still occupied with his own discoveries. “These that were soaking—they should be salvageable if we get them in the ground today. What? What is it, Kathryn?”

“All that time I had the equipment I needed, but not the insect,” Kathryn said. “Now, I’ve got an insect, but no equipment. That’s a cruel twist of fate. Don’t you think?” 

“Maybe we can get the equipment working,” Chakotay said. “It’s possible. I’ll look at some of it and see what can be saved.” 

Kathryn put the specimen cup back in the case, but she didn’t bother to close it. They’d simply have to sweep out the floor of the house to get it clean. They could sweep away all the evidence of the research she’d been trying to do. The insect, at this point, could go out the door with the rest of it. 

Kathryn shook her head at Chakotay. 

“There’s no use, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “The equipment is ruined. And even if I could get it working again—there’s a good chance that one insect isn’t going to be enough to run all the tests that I need to perform. If it’s this bad in here, you know all the traps out there are destroyed. There’s no way I can continue my research.” 

Chakotay stopped what he was doing and crossed the room to stand in front of Kathryn. He caught her under the chin with his fingertips and tipped her face toward him. Then she felt the gentle brush of his fingers over her cheek.

“We can try to replicate what you need, Kathryn,” Chakotay offered. 

He looked so worried. He looked so desperate. Kathryn smiled to herself at the ridiculous thought that he looked more crushed by her lost research than even she felt. She reached her hand up and touched his where it had come to rest on her shoulder. 

“Chakotay, it’s over,” Kathryn said. “There’s no replicating what I need. There’s no more research. I can’t continue. This is just one way of giving it up.” She sucked in a breath. “It’s one way of accepting that we’re not leaving this planet. We’re not making it home to Earth.” Kathryn looked around. Their little house was a mess. It would take the better part of a day to clean it up and find the floor. They hadn’t even seen what it looked like outside, yet, but there would likely be repairs that needed to be made. Still, except for the equipment that had been sent down to them from Voyager, everything else that they had could be repaired. Everything else, really, was something that Chakotay could make or had made. “I’m not going to continue my research and...we’re not going to make it back to Earth. And that’s going to be OK.” 

Kathryn felt the stirring desire inside of her to seek reassurance from Chakotay and ask him if she was right. She didn’t, however, give into it. Instead, she simply looked around the room once more at the mess. 

“We need to just start clearing this out,” Kathryn said. “Anything that isn’t salvageable we’ll just move out of here.”

“We need to collect as many of the seeds off the floor as we can first,” Chakotay said. “We need to get those planted to make sure they’ll take root. Even if the ground’s saturated, those should be fine, but we don’t want them to get swept out the door with everything else. We can plant the dry seeds tomorrow or the next day, but those really need to go in the ground today.” 

Kathryn nodded her understanding and started to step around things to move in the direction of the portion of the floor where the glass containers that had been holding the seeds had likely shattered. As she moved past him, though, Chakotay caught her and turned her around to face him. Without saying anything, he lowered his head and offered her a kiss. She sunk into it, accepting it greedily, not realizing how welcome it would be until his lips were on hers. 

“It’s going to be OK,” he offered when he broke away from her. 

Kathryn offered him the best smile that she could.

“I know,” she assured him. “Help me with the seeds.”


	6. Chapter 6

AN: This chapter is a longer one but it was important and there wasn’t anywhere to appropriately cut it. 

Just a reminder that anything from Star Trek does not belong to me. I’m only using it for entertainment value. This includes plot and some dialogue in this chapter that is directly taken from the show. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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They had spent the whole day cleaning. There were branches down outside that had to be cleared away and piled up for their future use in other projects. They had to clean up the mess inside the house and clean the floor so that it was safe to walk there again. They’d planted some of their seeds, but they would wait until another day to get the others in the ground. They’d simply run out of time and energy before they could accomplish everything that could possibly be done.

Slowly it was coming together, though, and slowly they were looking toward the future that they would share on this planet.

Still, Chakotay could tell that something was on Kathryn’s mind when she’d chosen to take her bath alone and declared herself too exhausted to stay awake even a moment longer when she came inside from bathing. He didn’t know if she was still dealing with the loss of her research or if it was something more, but he was going to let her rest and have her quiet if that’s what she needed. 

For all her declared exhaustion, however, she seemed to be doing little more than tossing and turning in the bed. Chakotay could see her stirring form where he sat, working on trying to repair at least one of their tricorders, but he left her alone. Kathryn didn’t like being pushed into anything and that included talking about her feelings. When she was ready to talk, she would come to him, and whenever that was, Chakotay would be available to listen to her. 

When Kathryn did finally rise, she came and stared at Chakotay like she needed his invitation to sit and talk to him. He gave her the invitation that she seemed to need and she sat down with a sigh. Chakotay moved the tricorders he was working with away from him and he folded his hands on the table to make it clear to Kathryn that she had his undivided attention.

“You’re ready to talk to me now?” Chakotay asked. “You’ve been quiet since late this afternoon. Is it the after effects of the storm or have I done something?” 

Kathryn took a long moment before she spoke. 

“We have to talk, Chakotay.” 

Chakotay laughed nervously to himself. As far as he knew, there was nowhere I the universe where those were comforting words. Especially not when they were said in the serious tone that Kathryn was using at the moment, her voice heavy with some emotion that Chakotay couldn’t immediately identify.

“That’s what I was trying to do, Kathryn. What exactly do we need to talk about?” 

“I think we need to talk about the nature of this relationship,” Kathryn said. “Our relationship. It appears that we’re going to be on this planet for a long time. The rest of our lives, even. It occurred to me that we haven’t ever discussed this relationship. We haven’t ever defined it for—for ourselves. It’s something that needs to be explored.” 

“You want to talk about our relationship?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn nodded. 

Chakotay wasn’t sure where to begin or even how to fully interpret Kathryn’s request. Still, it was true what Kathryn had said. They’d never had any formal conversations about their relationship and they truly hadn’t made any declarations to one another about their feelings. Chakotay knew that Kathryn was still dealing with some residual stress over what their old ranks meant for their relationship and Chakotay hadn’t wanted to alarm her in any way. At the same time, now she was looking at him with expectation and he wondered if he’d waited too long to declare his feelings for her. He wasn’t sure how to proceed, though he wanted to tread lightly until he had a better feeling of what was going on inside of Kathryn’s mind.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind, Kathryn,” Chakotay finally offered. 

“I know we never defined the nature of our relationship and we never set expectations for it because it was complicated in the beginning by our roles as officers,” Kathryn said. “But it’s clear that we’re no longer in those roles and I think—Chakotay—I think...” She broke off and gathered together her thoughts again before she picked back up with what she was trying to say. “I’m a woman. And I don’t think of myself as an unreasonably emotional woman, but I can’t help but have feelings. I’m no Vulcan. If those feelings are not mutual, then I think it’s only fair for me to know that and to—and to have the chance to...” She stopped again. “I’m afraid that I didn’t prepare my words as well as I imagined I did,” she lamented.

Chakotay reached his hand out and touched hers to ground her.

“Kathryn, why don’t you just come right out and say how you’re feeling? No matter how you say it, I’ll hear you.” 

Chakotay knew Kathryn well enough now to know that she only got jumbled and flustered on rare occasions and there were always strong feelings involved on those occasions. Anything scientific or factual was easy to present. Maybe that was one of the reasons that she loved science as much as she did. It was so much more simple and straightforward than matters of the heart. 

“Today, while we were cleaning and starting our planning,” Kathryn said, “you talked about expanding the shelter. You talked about the amount of food we’d get if we were lucky and how we might—how we might even expand our food production in future years. Everything you talked about was about building a home here. It was something stable and grounded.” Kathryn smiled at him. Just talking about what he had said in a concrete manner was calming her a little and relieving her earlier frustration. Chakotay could hear the calm starting to come through in her voice. “I guess you’re right, Chakotay. I have to just come out with it. I’ve had feelings for you for a while, and I think that it’s pretty clear that the life that was making me keep my distance is gone. I’m certainly not your captain any longer. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, however, and I don’t want to get ahead of you. I supposed that what I’d like to know is if this is continuing as a very beloved companionship or if it’s something more.” 

Chakotay examined her face. Kathryn’s expressions could sometimes give away far more than she intended. Right now he could see that there was something desperate on her features that looked almost painful. He hoped his words were enough to soothe it away. 

“Are you asking me how I feel about you?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn hesitated a moment and then she nodded her head. 

“I suppose I am,” she responded. 

Chakotay wondered if there was some self-doubt there. Was it possible that Kathryn could think, even for a moment and even bathed in the excess of insecurity that just had heaped upon them, that he might not consider this relationship to be something of monumental importance to him? 

“Can I tell you an ancient legend?” He asked.

She smiled at him. For all her love of science, she did love a good story. She nodded enthusiastically. 

“Please,” she responded softly. 

Chakotay took a moment to organize the thoughts in his head. Finally he was ready to tell her the story. 

“It’s about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe. A man who couldn’t find peace even with the help of his spirit guide. For years he struggled with his discontent. The only satisfaction he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighboring tribe led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful. Very wise. And the angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side, doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on, her needs would come first. And, in that way, the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace.” 

“Is that really an ancient legend?” Kathryn asked, smiling all the way to her eyes. If it had done nothing else, the story had relieved some of her concerns. Chakotay could practically see the weight lifting off her shoulders. 

“I don’t know,” Chakotay admitted. “I guess it could be now. It was easier than tripping over the words on my own to talk about a feeling that words keep seeming inadequate to describe.” Chakotay shook his head. “If I’ve forgotten all this time to tell you that I love you, it’s only because I was frightened that you didn’t feel the same and that revealing the depth of my own feelings to you would only make you pull away from me. I’d rather have you any way that I can than admit my feelings and lose you entirely because the intensity was more than you desired. You’ve been so anxious to leave this planet that it’s been impossible not to take that at least a little bit personally.” 

Kathryn shook her head at him. 

“It wasn’t about you. None of it. It’s never been about you, Chakotay. It was about being a Starfleet captain. It was about rules and regulations. About my duty to the crew. It was about being grounded and feeling like I failed. It was about admitting to myself that I’ll never see Earth again. I’ll never see my family again. It was never about you.” She shook her head at him. “And then I didn’t want to say it—I didn’t even want to feel what I feel if you didn’t feel the same way. I’m still not sure if you actually said it, but—Chakotay—I love you.” 

Chakotay’s stomach did something of a dance around its designated space inside of him and his heart joined in to leap around his chest. He practically jolted to his feet and walked around to stand in front of Kathryn. He reached his hands out to her and pulled her to her feet. He held her hands in his, almost feeling like she might disappear if he were to let go of her. 

“I love you, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “And you didn’t fail. It was an honor to serve under you. You always did the best that you could for your crew. Even until the last moment when you let them continue their course without us. But Voyager is gone, now. That life is gone for both of us. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know what we have right now. This is about us, Kathryn. It’s about our life here and now. I can’t give you the skies back. I can’t get you safely back to Earth or even to space, but I can spend the rest of my life doing everything possible to give you all that this life has to offer. And I would hope that you would find that it isn’t so bad to spend it with me.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself, but in spite of her smile, Chakotay could see the tears brimming in her eyes. Her hands trembled in his and held them a little tighter to steady them. 

“The rest of your life is a long time,” Kathryn said.

“I hope so,” Chakotay assured her.

“We’re the only two humanoids on the planet,” Kathryn said. “You didn’t exactly have an abundance of options.”

“Neither did you,” Chakotay said, turning her argument back on her. 

“I would have chosen you anyway,” Kathryn said. “You’re unlike any man I’ve ever known. The way you make me feel? I’ve never known any man that could make me feel like that. Maybe I wasn’t sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life here, but I do know that I’d be happy to spend it with you.” 

“And I would have chosen you out of any number of women,” Chakotay assured her. “There couldn’t be anyone else for me. I know that now.”

Kathryn came toward him quickly and Chakotay gave her the kiss that he knew she was seeking. He sighed into the kiss. Even though they’d shared any number of kisses since they’d arrived on the planet, this one was different. It felt different and it tasted different. Their mutual promises of love changed it entirely. When Kathryn pulled away, Chakotay couldn’t hold back his enthusiasm. If she wanted some kind of commitment and reassurance of the depth and sincerity of his love for her, then that’s what she was going to have. 

“Marry me, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed. 

“You’re serious?” She asked.

“I would never joke about asking you to be my wife,” Chakotay responded. 

“Why?” Kathryn asked. “I mean—we’re alone. There’s no one to tell. There’s no one that would know.” 

“I would know, and you would know. We’d tell your primate friend if he ever comes back. I think—I think I’d just sleep better at night if I knew we did it. If we made the commitment. I’d be a happier man if I simply knew that you were my wife.” Chakotay hesitated. “Unless you don’t want to marry me.” 

“I do,” Kathryn said quickly, her cheeks flushing with color over everything. “But how? There’s nobody for a ceremony.” 

“All we need to do is to make our own commitment,” Chakotay assured her. “That’s all a marriage is. It’s a promise to each other.” 

Kathryn held her breath. She let it out in a rush of air and nodded her head, smiling at him. Chakotay saw one of the tears that had been threating to escape finally slide down her cheek. He quickly wiped it away. 

“I promise,” Kathryn said. “To love you as I do right now. Even more, I’m sure, with the passage of time. For the rest of my life.” She hesitated. “How’d I do?” She asked, her concern coming through on her features. 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Perfect,” he assured her. “You’re very brave to go first, too. I vow to love you for all the days of this life and all the lives to come. I vow to protect you and spend my life in pursuit of your happiness because it’s in your happiness that I find my own.” 

“I think yours was better than mine,” Kathryn said. “Maybe I should try mine again.” 

Chakotay shook his head at her and held her hands tight in his.

“It’s not a competition,” he said. “And it’s not a test. Your vow was perfect to me. I believe it’s tradition, now, for us to kiss.” 

Kathryn offered him a kiss that was even more intense than the one before. Whatever she may have left out of her vows, she made up with when her lips met his. When she pulled away, Chakotay brushed his fingers down her face so that Kathryn’s eyes were forced to flutter closed. 

“Keep them closed,” he instructed as he took her hands again. “A-koo-chee-moya, we are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. We pray on this day—a day of so much loss and immeasurable gain—to receive another blessing in addition to the love that we’ve been granted. Perhaps there is a spirit in these skies that will bless our union and will guide us as we seek to live this life together, so that it may be a long, happy, and fulfilling union for this day and for all our days together.” 

Kathryn kept her eyes closed until Chakotay gently pressed a soft kiss to her lips and another to her forehead. She opened her eyes and gave him the warmest smile that he’d ever seen from her. She was practically radiating light and it took Chakotay’s breath away. It was the first smile that came from his wife, and it made a warmth spread through Chakotay’s belly.

“So we’re married?” Kathryn breathed out. Chakotay nodded. “That’s it?” 

Chakotay laughed.

“What more would you like?” He asked.

Kathryn looked around and shook her head. She was still holding tight to Chakotay’s hands and he let her have them. Everything he had belonged to her now. Everything he was belonged to Kathryn. He’d hold her hands like this for as long as she wanted. 

“No, nothing,” Kathryn said. “It just seems like we made it so much more complicated on Earth.” 

“We can make any simple thing complicated if we like,” Chakotay said. “Just because it’s important, though, doesn’t mean that it has to be complicated or drawn out. If you want something more...”

“No,” Kathryn interrupted. “I guess I just expected it to take longer. To be more complicated. I guess it happened so fast that I’m still realizing that we—we just married.” 

Chakotay squeezed her hands in his to remind her that she was still physically connected to him. She looked almost shocked by her realization, but the radiant smile still beamed on her lips. 

“We’re not quite done,” Chakotay said. He smiled at Kathryn’s expression. 

“What else is there to do?” Kathryn asked. 

“I believe that, traditionally, the marriage isn’t official until it’s consummated through the physical act of love making,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at him. The smile softened. Her expression changed to one that he’d seen before. It was an expression that always tugged at an animal part of him. Even before she spoke, his body heard her invitation. 

“Then perhaps we should go to bed, Chakotay,” Kathryn offered. Without another word and without expecting any sort of response from him, Kathryn tugged his hand to lead Chakotay to the bed, and he followed her gladly.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I’ll give you the warning that this is a NSFW chapter. It’s about as smutty as I ever get (since super smutty is just not my thing to write), but I couldn’t leave the wedding night unexplored. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Kathryn had been with Chakotay enough now that her body anticipated the feeling of his touch. He simply had to look at her a certain way and she could practically feel her skin tingling. A kiss or a touch of his fingertips could start a throbbing ache between her legs. 

She felt connected to him in a way that she’d never felt connected to a man before. It was primitive. It was primal. It was something she’d never felt before, but it drew her to Chakotay on a level that seemed to exist far beyond her own conscious understanding of it. 

And now he was standing in front of her, as her husband, and there was something else that stirred inside of her. 

Chakotay was her husband. She was his wife. Kathryn had never thought about it before, but there was a possession that came along with such a statement. The shared declaration of love and lifelong commitment came with a certain sense of ownership. 

Chakotay was hers. She was his.

Kathryn would have never thought that she’d find the sensation of being owned, or even of owning someone else, as particularly comforting. She certainly wouldn’t have thought she’d ever find it erotic. But the fact of the matter was that she found it to be both. She loved Chakotay. She’d meant that. And she found it comforting to be his. She was happy to give herself to him in every way she knew how. She found it strangely erotic to think that he was looking at her and thinking the same thing. She was his wife and he was prepared to make love to her. He was ready to consummate their marriage.

Kathryn closed her eyes as he kissed her neck, taking his time like he wanted to carefully taste every inch of her skin. He kissed her like he might devour her and the only thing stopping him was the fear that, once devoured, there would be no more of her for him to enjoy. 

Her breathing caught and she leaned into him when his hands, slowly working her night gown up to try to sneak it over her head, found her hips and his fingertips ghosted over her skin. 

“I love you,” she whispered to him, reminding him in case he’d forgotten. The ache between her legs intensified with just the simple feeling of his fingertips finding her ribcage underneath the fabric of the gown.

“I love you,” he echoed. “Now and forever, Kathryn.” 

Now that his lips were free from their exploration of her body, Kathryn requested a kiss and she was granted what she sought. When she pulled their lips apart, she stepped back and held her arms up, leaving room between them so that Chakotay could lift her night gown over her head. She helped him free her from the garment and he dropped it to the floor so that it couldn’t bother either of them anymore. Kathryn laughed quietly to herself at a thought that ran through her mind.

“What is it?” Chakotay asked, his serious expression breaking slightly.

“I don’t want to ruin the moment,” Kathryn said. 

“You could never ruin anything,” Chakotay said. 

“I was just thinking—I spend most of my mornings trying to figure out where my night gown ended up,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“If I’ve got anything to say about it,” Chakotay said, “that’s how you’ll spend every morning. You’ll never know where it ended up until you get out of bed.” 

“But—what about when it gets cold, Chakotay?” Kathryn teased. “I’ll freeze to death if you never let me wear any clothes.” 

“I’ll make sure you stay warm,” Chakotay assured her. 

“I’m sure you will,” Kathryn said. She wasn’t even teasing him, either. She was certain that Chakotay would make sure that she was warm. He would make sure that she was fed. He would make sure that she had anything she needed—and as much of what she simply wanted—as he could possibly give her. “But...Chakotay, who’s going to keep you warm?” 

Chakotay smiled at her and dropped his hands away from her as she moved to unbutton the shirt he was wearing. He allowed her to undress him the same way that he’d undressed her. 

“You will,” Chakotay said. “Everything I give to you, Kathryn, you give back to me. That’s the way that marriage works. My father explained it to me when I was a boy, but I never really understood it for myself. There’s nothing that I can do for you that doesn’t come back to me. If I make you happy, you provide my happiness. If I make your life peaceful, then you’ll help me to find peace. When you’re cold because you’re away from me, I’m cold. When you’re warm because I’m holding you, I can’t escape your warmth. Likewise, if I’m cruel to you, then I’ll feel your cruelty. If I hurt you, it will hurt me back. We’re connected now. There’s nothing, anymore, that’s about just one of us.”

Kathryn took his shirt off and she let it fall to the floor with her own gown. He smiled at her as she worked her fingers into the waistband of his pants and loosened the button to free him from them. It wasn’t difficult to get them to drop to the floor and then she worked his underwear down with her hands.

“So,” she teased, “everything you do for me is really selfish. Is that what you’re saying?” 

Chakotay caught her arm as he stepped out of his underwear. 

“That’s absolutely what I’m saying,” Chakotay said. “Flesh of my flesh. That’s what they say. I treat you as I want to be treated and it’s fulfilled. Like hugging you and feeling your warmth—it’s impossible to give without receiving. Let’s go to bed, Kathryn.” 

Kathryn swallowed. Just his tone of voice sent a jolt through her body. The way he was looking at her intensified it. Even the pressure on her arm where he was holding onto her drove her crazy in a way that she couldn’t ever have explained without feeling entirely foolish. 

Without him even asking, Kathryn reached down and hooked her thumb in the waistband of her own panties. She slid them down and stepped out of them. The hold that Chakotay had on her arm changed, suddenly, to be a hold that offered her support as she balanced on one leg and then the other. He kept her from stumbling and he didn’t release her until she’d straightened up. 

Kathryn looked at their bed. Her heart was thundering in her chest and it didn’t make any sense to her. The bed was the same that they’d been sleeping in for all this time. It was the bed that Chakotay built for them, joining together the two separate pieces that they’d brought from Voyager. The bed was far from strange or unknown. What they would do together was hardly anything new. Kathryn knew what to expect and she was far from a blushing virgin. 

Yet it still felt like a first time. 

Maybe it was because it was the first time that Kathryn would ever lie in that bed with her husband—and she was realizing that meant a great deal more to her than she might have ever imagined before. 

Kathryn pulled the blankets back and then she lie down on the bed. She wriggled her way over the mattress to her side of the bed and then she lie on her back. She patted the bed next to her. 

“Come to bed, Chakotay,” she told him. 

She swallowed again. 

He was aroused. He was ready for her. He knew, just like she did, exactly what would happen here. There was no secret to this. At her invitation, Chakotay crawled onto the bed and bypassed his own side of the mattress entirely. Hovering over her, he kissed her lips again before he returned to exploring her body with the same hungry nature that he’d been using earlier. 

Kathryn didn’t need as much attention as he seemed to think she might need. She let him explore all the spots that she knew to be his favorites, and she entertained herself by nibbling at his skin and running her hands along his muscles, but she stopped him when the ache between her legs grew to be unbearable and she started to feel like he was simply prolonging things because he thought that might be something she liked or needed. It wasn’t something she needed tonight. 

She stroked him to make sure she had his full attention. 

“Chakotay,” she said softly. He looked at her, bringing his eyes to meet hers. She could see the heat burning in his eyes that she felt burning in her own body. “I want you inside me now.” 

He didn’t make her ask twice. He positioned himself above her and Kathryn opened her legs so that he could sink comfortably between them. She barely felt him searching for her entrance before he was entirely seated inside her. Kathryn gasped at the surprise of being filled so suddenly and then she groaned at the welcomed sensation of it as she searched out his neck to nuzzle her face there in the first moment of connection between them. He fit her perfectly and being with him was always pleasurable, but it felt even better at the moment. 

“Are you OK?” Chakotay asked, hesitating to move until she gave him some clear sign that she was ready for him. He always waited for her to give him some sign that she hadn’t, for whatever her reason might be, changed her mind. 

Kathryn rocked her hips and hugged him closer to her. She moved her mouth as close to his ear as she possibly could.

“Perfect,” she breathed out. “With you—perfect.”

Kathryn felt Chakotay shiver. Then he pulled away from her and changed his position so that he could use his arms to support himself and lessen some of the weight of his body bearing down on hers. Kathryn gave him control of the act and she did her best to match his chosen rhythm. She hung on, as she usually did, until she could feel herself starting to get close. Then, in a desperate attempt to find her release, she started to pay attention to her own needs and Chakotay, seeming to realize how close she was, changed his pace to match her. 

Kathryn reached her climax and kept her eyes closed as Chakotay continued to seek his own pleasure in her body. She felt the rising inside her as her body threatened to come again, one wave of pleasure riding on the tails of another, when Chakotay sped up to find what it was he needed to reach his own peak. 

When he finally came, Kathryn’s muscles tightened once more, though not with the same intensity as before, as her body responded to his release. 

Panting and wet with sweat, Chakotay moved his body to lie beside her on the mattress so that his weight didn’t fall on her. He kissed her face before Kathryn offered him her lips and his hands ghosted over her skin as he drank in the last few moments of touch that he seemed to need while he recovered from the orgasm that had just torn through him.

“I love you,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn smiled. 

“And it comes back to you,” Kathryn said. “Because I love you, too.” 

Chakotay laughed. 

“Everything comes back to us both,” Chakotay said. “We’re part of the circle of life now. We’re our own circle. Bound together forever.” 

“Forever is a long time,” Kathryn mused.

“Please don’t tell me that you’ve already changed your mind,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn smiled and shook her head. She reached her hand out and touched her finger to his lips. 

“Never,” she said. “I wasn’t saying it because I think it’s a bad thing. I was saying it because—I think it’s a wonderful thing. I think—I’m looking forward to it.”

“I know I’m looking forward to it,” Chakotay said. “And even then—a lifetime won’t be long enough.”

“But it’s all we have,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s a good place to start,” Chakotay said. “Do you need anything else from me? Is there anything else—you want?” He cleared his throat. “Are you satisfied?” 

“I’m very satisfied,” Kathryn said. “But—if you’re getting up, and if I know you then I know you are for at least a moment, then I wouldn’t mind some water.” 

“For drinking or for washing?” Chakotay asked.

“Both,” Kathryn responded. “And then—I wouldn’t mind it if you’d come back to bed and...I think it would be nice to hold me for a little while. After all, it’s my first night as your wife. And that feels like a husbandly duty.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself and slipped out of the bed to clean himself up and go through his normal post coital rituals. He’d return shortly with the water for Kathryn and a clean, damp cloth. Then it would be time to wrap up in each other’s arms for the rest of the night, a sensation that Kathryn enjoyed almost as much as the orgasms that still had her body buzzing. 

“The wonderful thing about holding you,” Chakotay said, “is that it comes back on me. It isn’t a duty. It’s a pleasure that my wife—on her first night as my beautiful wife—is granting me. And I’m a very, very lucky man.”


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. Two in one day doesn’t happen often, but sometimes I can swing it.

There’s a short time jump here of a couple of weeks. The timeline isn’t too specific. It’s simply important that Kathryn and Chakotay are settling into married life and are continuing to explore life on their new planet. 

For anyone wondering, we have quite a bit to go in this story so we’re really just getting started. 

I thank you all for reading and reviewing. I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story so far and I hope you continue to enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay watched Kathryn as she rearranged herself on the blanket to find a position that was comfortable to her. She pushed her hair back over her shoulders so that, for just a little while, it would behave and cascade down her back. 

He busied his hands by setting out all the contents of their homemade picnic basket and preparing the plates of food that would hold their lunch. Kathryn wouldn’t help kill the birds that Chakotay was finally going to let her eat—since he was finally confident that the flesh couldn’t be toxic to her—but she would help pluck them if he requested. It was finally time for her to taste the meat that he’d been testing. She deserved substantial food that didn’t come from rations packets or the replicator that sometimes worked and other times suffered from some pretty severe glitches. 

“Oooh, it smells so good,” Kathryn said, leaning over to inhale the aroma of the food. She’d been circling him while he’d cooked at the fire pit that he used to prepare most of their meals. She was anxious to taste the meat and Chakotay laughed to himself when he heard her stomach loudly growl in agreement with her assessment of the food.

“I knew you would be eating it this time,” Chakotay said. “I was extra careful in preparing it. It’s bound to be my best yet.” 

“I’m sure it will be,” Kathryn agreed. “I’m absolutely famished.” 

Being married to Kathryn had, honestly, changed nothing quantifiable about their relationship. There was really nothing for it to change. They had announced their marriage to the primate that sometimes followed them around or greeted them at their door, but he’d seemed thoroughly unimpressed with their domesticity. 

Chakotay had spent some quiet time praying to the spirit of his father, and any other spirit that might hear him, to bless their marriage and give him all that he needed to be the husband that he wanted to be. 

Their marriage was, however, simply a vow between the two of them and so it changed very little about what they did and how they lived their lives. The greatest thing that changed for them was how they felt about their relationship. 

For Chakotay, the short weeks of being married to Kathryn had been the best ones of his life. Although they were living a life that was entirely unlike any that they’d lived before, and although they were having to adjust to being practically without technology, Chakotay was so happy that he sometimes marveled over the fact that his heart didn’t burst from the swelling sensation he felt in his chest. 

Kathryn was his wife. She helped him with anything that she could and she smothered him with her affection when the time was right. They laughed together daily about their mishaps and experiences in navigating their new existence, and they celebrated their small victories. They worked well together, but they were also great at being absolutely still together when the situation called for it. 

Knowing that Kathryn was his wife, too, gave Chakotay a sort of permission that he’d never had before. She was his wife, for now and forever, and he was allowed to love her without bounds and without reins. Chakotay had no reason to try to control his feelings. He had no reason to guard his heart. She was his wife and loving her without restraint was permissible, even if it would have horrified any and every Vulcan. 

Their freedom from expectation of restraint and self-control on their planet was absolute. They were the only humanoid inhabitants. The only rules and regulations that they were expected to follow were ones that they imposed upon themselves, and they were learning that there was no need to bother with such things. They were entirely free here and they were allowing themselves to become one with the nature that surrounded them to live in harmony with their environment. This was their life now, and they were embracing it. 

“Taste this,” Chakotay instructed. He tore away a piece of the roasted bird and held it to Kathryn’s lips. “Be honest. I still have to perfect the preparation methods used, but I’m still growing accustomed to relying entirely on the makings of a kitchen that might have belonged to our ancient ancestors.” 

Kathryn accepted the meat and, somewhat smirking at him, she sucked the juice left behind off his finger. He swallowed and felt the heat that her action caused in him. He ignored the stirring for the moment and waited on her response to the food that he’d prepared for her. 

He got her response when her eyes went wide and then playfully rolled back in her head. Kathryn groaned in pleasure and Chakotay moved the plate of food he’d prepared for her closer to her so that she could eat what she desired. 

“Chakotay, this is delicious,” Kathryn assured him. “It’s one of the best things I’ve ever put in my mouth.”

Chakotay felt his face flush warm over the sincere compliment from Kathryn. 

“Better than Neelix’s Leola root soup?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“A thousand times better,” she declared, picking up a piece of the meat and tearing at it with her teeth.

“I was thinking it would be good for a stew or a soup, too,” Chakotay said. “A broth for drinking. It’ll provide some extra nourishment when we need it. If there’s a winter here, it’s in our best interest to avoid getting sick.” Chakotay looked around them at the landscape that surrounded them. It was beautiful and, at times, it was difficult not to feel like they were some kind of re-creation of the Biblical story of Adam and Eve—two people alone in a Paradise that seemed to be created exclusively for them. “There are still so many plants left to test. I saw tracks for what I believe is some type of deer, too.” 

“Fish,” Kathryn said, gesturing toward the river on the banks of which they were enjoying their picnic. “We haven’t even begun to explore the life there.” 

“Soon,” Chakotay said. “Maybe a few days? I’ll try my hand at fishing and I’ll start testing the animals for toxicity.” 

“I could help with that, you know,” Kathryn said. 

“I wouldn’t take the chance on that,” Chakotay said.

“Yet you promise me that your methods are entirely safe,” Kathryn challenged.

“If you followed my methods, then it’s very unlikely that you would be killed,” Chakotay assured her. “However, you would possibly become quite ill and I wouldn’t want to see you suffer needlessly.” 

“I thought we do everything together,” Kathryn challenged again.

Chakotay hesitated to answer. He could very well see the rock and the hard place that Kathryn had trapped him between, but there was nowhere to go except forward and into her snare. 

“We do,” Chakotay agreed. 

“Even vomit from tasting the wrong things,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed. 

“Have we come so far that we’re discussing vomit over such a nice meal?” Chakotay asked.

“OK,” Kathryn said. “But I want to help, Chakotay.”

Chakotay absolutely didn’t want to watch Kathryn put anything with unknown properties into her mouth, but the scientist in her was fascinated by the element of exploration and the stubborn streak inside of her was going to make her adamant to be part of the job. 

“It’s only that you’re so much smaller than me,” Chakotay said. “You weigh so much less than me and you metabolize things so differently.” 

Kathryn laughed.

“That’s the most sexist argument against doing something that I’ve ever heard,” Kathryn responded. “I expected better from you, Chakotay.” 

“It’s my best argument against letting my wife eat something potentially poisonous beyond the childish and petty argument of I simply don’t want to do it,” Chakotay responded. He felt something rising up in his gut and he shifted around from the growing agitation inside of him. He hadn’t expected the almost angry feeling that just thinking of letting Kathryn get sick caused inside of him. 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said softly. Perhaps she could sense the strange feeling of inexplicable anger that came over him. “I’ll be careful. I want to help. We can cover twice as many species together.” 

Chakotay sighed. 

Kathryn was happy for him to have what he wanted, and she was happy for him to tell her things that they should consider trying on this new planet, but she didn’t like feeling like she was being controlled or held down. And Chakotay wasn’t going to clip her wings for her. 

“Fine,” Chakotay said. “But you would have to follow my instructions exactly,” Chakotay said. “And I know how bad you are at taking orders.” 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“I can take orders when necessary,” she assured him. “I would do nothing to purposefully put myself—or you—in any danger. You know that.”

Chakotay nodded his head, essentially closing the topic. Satisfied that she’d been heard and won, Kathryn let the topic drop and she glanced around her while she focused on eating her food. 

“We could make hooks,” Kathryn said suddenly.

“What?” Chakotay asked.

“We could make hooks,” Kathryn said. “Fishing poles to make the fishing easier. It would be easy. I could help you.” 

“Sounds like you’ve got a new project when we get home,” Chakotay agreed.

“We don’t even know what we might find down the river,” Kathryn said. “If we had a boat, it could be easy to drift down there and see what there is to see.” 

“A boat?” Chakotay asked.

“Just a small one,” Kathryn said. “Something just to go exploring a bit. Get to know our planet better. It’s a shame that we didn’t know all the things we should have brought with us from Voyager.” 

Chakotay thought there could be far less enjoyable things than a trip down the river with Kathryn.

“Don’t give up on our boat just yet,” Chakotay said. “We don’t need Voyager for everything. Just give me a little time to think about it.” 

Exploring their planet might not be exploring the universe, but at least it would do something to quench the thirst for exploration and discovery that always burned in Kathryn. 

She laughed to herself at Chakotay’s words. 

“Is forever long enough?” She asked. “Because that seems to be just about how long we’ve got.” 

Chakotay echoed her laughter. 

“That’ll probably do it,” he said. “Though it may not take me quite so long.”


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“Please don’t hurt him, Chakotay!” Kathryn called, practically chasing after him as he carried their uninvited house guest outside to evict him. “Please!” 

Chakotay laughed to himself as he lowered the rodent-like creature to the ground. Even the rodent knew that Chakotay didn’t intend to hurt it because it didn’t even bother to scamper away immediately.

Chakotay felt Kathryn’s hand on his shoulder and smiled at her. 

“So much compassion from someone who was screaming about him only a few moments ago,” Chakotay said. “You scared me. I didn’t know what was happening to you. I didn’t know what I should be prepared for.” 

“He startled me,” Kathryn said apologetically. “I didn’t expect to find him in our linens. The grain, perhaps. Of course, if we’re going to keep everything right next to the food then I guess we should expect that the rodents will go exploring.” 

“I don’t like the rodents exploring our linens,” Chakotay said. “I don’t like them exploring our food either. They can be unsanitary and I don’t want anyone getting sick because of them. I’m going to build something more secure to serve as a pantry. It’s the next thing on my list starting right now. I don’t want to, but I will kill them if we’re trying to get through a winter and they’re eating our food.” 

Maybe the rodent sensed his aggression because it scampered away suddenly and finally disappeared under a bush.

“I don’t want to eat rodents, Chakotay,” Kathryn informed him sincerely. “Not if there’s anything else available.” 

“I wasn’t even thinking about eating them,” Chakotay admitted. “Just making myself feel better if they were busy taking food out of our mouths.” He sighed. “We’ve talked about it before, but I think it’s time to talk seriously about building onto our shelter. Expanding it.” 

“But how would you do it? Replicate more panels? You don’t have any way to fuse the materials that we have here with the shelter’s panels.” 

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Chakotay ceded. “And the shelter was never meant to be used as a permanent dwelling. It’s fine for a short period of time, but we need something better if we’re going to live here forever. There’s just not enough space and we don’t want to live so cramped up forever.” 

“What did you have in mind?” Kathryn asked.

“Logs,” Chakotay said. “I could build us a home to our specifications. It could be exactly what we want. We could choose a spot for it. We could decide exactly where we want it to be. Everything about it would be up to us and I could build it.” 

“Like a log cabin?” Kathryn asked, some amusement creeping into her voice.

“Like a log cabin,” Chakotay echoed.

“I suppose you can do that?” 

“I can absolutely do that,” Chakotay said.

“Your father?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay nodded. “I was such a child of the twenty-fourth century that I never would have dreamed learning what you learned. My father took us camping and tried to teach us about survival, but I was never interested. I couldn’t imagine a world without our technology.” 

“You do fine now,” Chakotay said. “We’re practically living in a nineteenth century lifestyle and I’d go so far as to say that the rustic life even agrees with you.” 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“We’ve still got a replicator,” she said. 

“That we barely use,” Chakotay said. “As long as I can eventually figure out how we grow our own coffee, you’ll survive without even missing the replicator. Your father would be proud of your survival skills.” 

“No,” Kathryn said, “It’s your father that would be proud, Chakotay. I never met him and all that I know about your people is what you’ve shared with me, but I know that you’ve honored your father and his teachings well. He would be impressed. He would be so proud of you. Just like I am.” 

Chakotay wrapped his arms around Kathryn and pulled her against him. He kissed her forehead. 

“He would be proud of me because I found a wife that is as intelligent as she is beautiful,” Chakotay said. “He would be proud that I have found so much peace and happiness now when I never could seem to find it before.” 

“And he’d be proud that you’ve built this life for us, Chakotay,” Kathryn said sincerely. “Don’t downplay all that you do. You let me help a little here and there, but it’s you that’s built this for us, and I know he would be proud of all of it.”

Chakotay tipped Kathryn’s face upward and kissed her. She played with him, prolonging the kiss. Chakotay laughed, though, when he heard a familiar sound that made Kathryn quickly turn her head away from him. 

The primate was only a few feet away and watching them.

“The only two humanoids on the planet and we still get interrupted,” Chakotay teased as Kathryn broke away from him to kneel down and greet the primate.

“Oh hello again,” Kathryn said to the primate, her words dripping with a certain tenderness. “How are you? Where have you been? I haven’t seen you for a few days. I was beginning to worry that something had happened to you or you’d moved on somewhere. Where do you go?” 

Chakotay stayed where he was so that he wouldn’t risk frightening away Kathryn’s friend.

“Do you really expect him to answer you?” Chakotay asked, watching as Kathryn held her hand out in the direction of the animal like she expected it to come to her. 

“No,” Kathryn said. “But I think he’s intelligent. He warned me when the plasma storm was coming.” 

“And the hens warned me,” Chakotay challenged.

“I sense something in him,” Kathryn said. “I think he likes us. He comes every few days and he visits us. It’s like he’s checking on things. He watches me when I’m working at the garden. He’s getting closer and closer. I think that he’ll let me touch him someday soon.” 

Chakotay kneeled down slowly and the primate watched him, but he didn’t run away.

“He might be quicker to come to you if you had something to offer,” Chakotay said. “Keep something in your pocket that he might like. Some of those berries we found. A few nuts. When he comes around, offer him something to eat. It might go a lot farther with getting him to come close.” 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“You were just talking about killing the rodents for eating our food and now you’re encouraging me to give our food away to the primate?” Kathryn asked. 

“You had a dog, didn’t you?” 

“Mollie,” Kathryn said, smiling to herself. “I suppose she’s a mother by now.”

Chakotay smiled at her. 

“I’m sure she is,” Chakotay said. “I’m sure you’d have kept all the puppies, too.” 

Kathryn laughed. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Kathryn said, “but I’m not sure I could have given them away, either.” 

“My point is that maybe you need a pet,” Chakotay said. “Maybe you’re one of those people who enjoys having a pet.”

“You never had a pet?” Kathryn asked.

“It was never anything I was interested in,” Chakotay said. “To be honest, I don’t think I was ever in the right place. Everything was always so chaotic that there just wasn’t time for a pet. There wasn’t room in my life. I haven’t really known calm until now.” 

“Would you like a pet now?” Kathryn asked.

“I think I might,” Chakotay said. “Especially if it made you happy. And I think it would make you happy. It’s clear you’ve got a desire to get the primate to come closer to you. You want to learn about him. Touch him. If that only costs us the occasional nut or berry, then I think we’ve got it to spare for you to have a pet. Something to nurture.” 

“I don’t think the primate wants to be nurtured,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Most pets probably don’t want to be nurtured until they’re domesticated,” Chakotay challenged. “It’s not usually the pet’s desire to be nurtured that drives the owner-pet relationship half as much as it’s the owner’s desire to nurture the pet. Something helpless and dependent on them that will offer them companionship.” 

Kathryn stood up, straightening her legs, when it was clear that the primate wasn’t going to get any closer to her than he currently was. Chakotay straightened up too and the animal decided that he’d spent enough time in their presence. He screeched at them before he scrambled up a nearby tree, ran along its branches to another tree, and then disappeared from their sight.

“I don’t want to domesticate him,” Kathryn said. “At least not entirely. Not if you think it isn’t good for the primate.” 

Chakotay shook his head. 

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he said. “I don’t think it would do the primate any harm. Even if you only somewhat domesticated him, both of you could enjoy the relationship. You would get some closer contact with him and he would get the treats and affection that you offer him. The owner-pet relationship has always been something that benefitted both species. Still, I don’t think that he’s very interested in being too domesticated. Even with treats, I believe it’s going to take a long time to convince him to come close enough to touch him.”

“We’ve got time,” Kathryn said. “It’s the one thing we’ve got in abundance.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“I’d say we’ve got a good deal in abundance. It’s simply that not everything we have is physical,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn offered him a soft kiss that he accepted. She held his eyes with hers. Then she raised her eyebrows at him. 

“How long will it take to build the cabin?” Kathryn asked.

“With you helping me? Not that long,” Chakotay said. “I’ll know more once I get started. A few weeks. Maybe a couple of months. It would be a shelter, the same as we’ve got now, but with a little more control over our space. Would you like that, Kathryn?” 

“If I’m going to be honest,” Kathryn said, “I’d miss our little house. I’ve grown quite fond of it, Chakotay. It’s the first place that—we made love together. It’s the place we got married.”

“I never realized how sentimental you were,” Chakotay teased. When Kathryn made a face at him and started like she might walk away from him and go back to her work, he caught her and held her tight. “I like it. I love that you’re sentimental. I love that it means that much to you. Just because we don’t live there doesn’t mean we won’t keep the house. We can use it for other things, Kathryn. Maybe even—some kind of retreat. When you need somewhere to go that’s quiet and you just want that time away from me? You could go there.” 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“Or when you need to talk to the spirits?” Kathryn asked. “I like that. It could be our sanctuary.”

Chakotay nodded his agreement.

“Now—we’ve got to talk about where you want the house,” Chakotay said. “And we’ve got to figure out just how big it needs to be.” 

“I think I know the perfect spot,” Kathryn said. She slipped her hand in Chakotay’s and tugged at it. “Let me show you.”


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Even though the unpredictability of life on New Earth was different than it had been on Voyager, life was still unpredictable and it was fragile. Sometimes it was easy to forget just how fragile it could be until they were confronted with the possibility of a tragedy. 

“We have to induce vomiting right away,” Chakotay said. 

His heart was pounding hard in his chest, but he was doing everything he could to ignore it and keep himself under control. Kathryn needed him right now and he wasn’t going to let her down. 

She was probably going to hate him, but she would eventually forgive him. She felt bad, and he knew that she must or she wouldn’t have woken him with her concern, but he had to do what was necessary to save her life. When she’d insisted on helping him test animals and plants for toxicity to add to their catalogue, he’d warned her that getting sick was a possibility and that, if that happened, they’d have to help each other by doing everything possible to clear the poison out of their systems. 

When Kathryn protested inducing vomiting, Chakotay took matters into his own hands and gagged her himself, holding her against her attempts to get away from him. He’d forgive her for fighting him. He’d forgive her for biting him. He’d forgive her for spitting curses at him. He’d forgive her for losing the contents of her stomach on him as she protested his attempts to make her do just that.

He could handle anything that Kathryn could throw at him. The only thing he couldn’t handle was the thought of losing her. 

Kathryn was physically quite strong, especially with the added strength that her fear lent her, but she was no match for Chakotay when his own fear threatened to drown him.

He apologized to her repeatedly as he gagged her until he was content that there was nothing left in her stomach beyond acid and bile. By that time the floor of their house was a mess, both of them were a mess, and Kathryn had given up fighting and had practically collapsed into him. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Chakotay repeated, rocking Kathryn in his arms, his own heart still thundering in his chest. He couldn’t let his guard down entirely just yet, but he had a good feeling that the poisoning wouldn’t be too severe and Kathryn would survive it. “I have to get you water. We have to get as much water in you as we can. You have to flush the toxins out, Kathryn. What did you eat? What were the plants that you tasted?” 

Chakotay sat Kathryn up enough to get her out of the soggy nightgown that she’d put on when she’d gotten up to try to deal with her suddenly unsettled stomach. She didn’t fight him and she seemed to have very little strength left with which to assist him. He’d forced her into quite a few rounds of violent vomiting and she would take a little time to recover from that. Chakotay put her on the bed and quickly went for water. He returned with a cup and a small bucket of the fresh drinking water that they had on hand.

“What did you taste, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked. He helped her sit up and he put the cup to her mouth. “You’ve got to drink this, as much as you can.” 

She looked at him wide-eyed. Was there fear there? He never wanted to scare her, but he thought he saw fear. He hoped it was fear of the poisoning and not of him. Whatever emotion it was behind her eyes, it made her drink the water without argument. She stopped drinking suddenly, though, and gagged, so Chakotay helped her move so that she could empty the contents of her stomach over the side of the bed if she needed to. Cleaning the floor was cleaning the floor. He didn’t care how much there was to clean up when this was over as long as Kathryn was resting peacefully and not dead from some unknown poison. 

“What did you eat, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked again.

Kathryn gasped for air. She pushed at the cup as Chakotay tried to put it back to her lips. 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” Kathryn said. “Before you tried to kill me. I haven’t eaten anything.” 

“Something made you sick,” Chakotay said. 

“I don’t know what,” Kathryn admitted. “I ate—last night. I ate the rations. I had the rations and some of the—the bread. I had some of that. I tried the one plant. It looked—it had...” Kathryn stopped talking while she gasped for air. Chakotay left her alone. He worried, now, that fighting him during her earlier vomiting might have caused her some problem with her breathing. He sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back while she leaned against him. 

“It’s OK,” Chakotay said. 

“It doesn’t feel OK,” Kathryn said. “I don’t feel OK. Chakotay—I’m going to be sick again.” 

“You can’t, Kathryn,” he told her. “There’s nothing left. You haven’t even kept any of the water down. You’re probably going to feel sick until we can get your system flushed out. Which plant was it?” 

Kathryn groaned and rubbed her face against him. Clearly she was forgiving him for any injustice he may have done to her. 

“The one that looked like a fern,” Kathryn said. 

“I ate it too,” Chakotay said. “You had to have eaten something else.” 

“It was the only one,” Kathryn assured him. 

Chakotay offered her the cup of water again and gently urged her to drink from it. She accepted it and swallowed down some of the water. When she tried to respond to the water by gagging again, Chakotay rocked her against him gently and did his best to keep her from getting sick.

“Shhh,” he soothed. “I know you feel awful. I know it feels terrible. But you’ve got to try to hold it in, Kathryn. You’ve got to try to swallow it down. Keep it down. It must be a slow-acting poison. The problem with those is that you’ve already digested the plant. There’s no quick way to get it out of your body. We’ve got to flush the toxins out. You didn’t eat more of it than I told you, did you?” 

“No,” Kathryn responded. “Chakotay—I’m going to be sick again.”

He smoothed her hair with his hand. She was sweaty, but she was wet with everything else too. He was wet as well. 

It had been a rude awakening for the both of them. He’d been worried that she would get sick from testing the plants, but he’d never truly been prepared for it. Nothing could have prepared him for the way that he’d felt when she’d woken him up, sick and at least a little panicked, to tell him that she might be suffering from the effects of some kind of poison. 

“Try to keep it down,” Chakotay said. “Just a little longer. We’ll get a little more water in you and you’ll keep it down. Just a little longer.” 

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Chakotay had been watching Kathryn carefully. He cleaned the floor and cleaned himself up. He wiped Kathryn’s body down with a wet cloth and dried her before he’d tucked her gently back into their bed. He’d given her water and he’d supported her as he’d taken her to relieve herself. 

Without him gagging her to induce it, the violent vomiting was done. She complained of nausea when she moved, but when she curled up in the bed it seemed to pass even though she complained about her stomach feeling uncomfortable. Part of that, Chakotay reasoned, could be her muscles’ response to the earlier bouts of sickness. 

As far as Chakotay could tell, she was getting better, but she still didn’t feel well. If he were to have to guess, he’d say that the poison was leaving her system. She was getting better and she’d make a full recovery from having tasted one of the wrong plants. 

The only thing that really made him uncomfortable with that hypothesis was the fact that he had also eaten the same things that Kathryn had eaten the night before. The food that he called bread was something they had regularly. It was a seed and grain bread that they ate with a great deal of frequency. He knew the ingredients weren’t harmful to either of them. There was a chance that the rations that they’d shared had expired, but those packets were supposed to last for a long time. Though Chakotay had lost track of how long they’d been on the planet, he could be sure that it wasn’t long enough for the packets to expire. Chakotay had eaten the same plant that Kathryn had eaten, a fern that they’d found while on a walk the day before and brought home for testing, and it hadn’t affected him negatively. Even allowing extra time for his body to metabolize the plant differently, he’d felt not even a twinge of discomfort. 

Chakotay started to doubt whether or not Kathryn had been poisoned. But if she hadn’t been poisoned, then there must be another explanation for her illness.

Somewhere around early afternoon, Chakotay had left Kathryn resting to prepare food. Neither of them had eaten and they were both going to have to have something eventually. Kathryn left the spot where he’d left her tucked in bed and found him at his job. She was a little paler than usual, and her hair was somewhat more tangled than it normally was, but otherwise she looked well. 

“Are you sick again?” Chakotay asked, leaving what he was doing with the food he prepared over his fire pit to go to her. 

“No,” Kathryn assured him. She reached her arm out to him. “I’m not sick. I think the nausea has stopped. I don’t feel like throwing up.” 

“What about smelling the food?” Chakotay asked. 

“That’s why I came,” Kathryn said. “It smells good.”

Chakotay smiled at her. 

“Soup,” he said. “I thought you could drink the broth. Soak some of the bread in it. It’ll be easy on your stomach. You don’t want to eat too much until you know how your body’s going to react.” 

Chakotay found her a place to sit and helped her to get situated. He could tell, from the way that her muscles were shaking slightly as she clung to him, that the events of the morning had taken something out of her. She’d feel better when she got some of the broth into her stomach and she started building her strength back up. 

“I’m sorry for this morning,” Chakotay said.

“You’re apologizing to me?” Kathryn asked. “I should be apologizing to you. You’ll probably never be the same. You’ll never look at me the same after that.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Chakotay challenged.

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“It couldn’t be very attractive,” Kathryn said. “Watching all of that. Taking care of me like that.” 

“We discussed what would happen if either of us was ever poisoned before I even started testing the plants here,” Chakotay said. “If you could agree to do it for me, why wouldn’t I be able to do it for you?” 

“I was only suggesting that you’ll probably look at me a little differently now that I’ve vomited all over you,” Kathryn said. “Repeatedly.”

“I look at you as that much more precious,” Chakotay said. “Because I was woken up with the absolute fear, Kathryn, of possibly losing you.” 

Kathryn laughed quietly.

“You could have let me go,” Kathryn said. “Not had to deal with me anymore. You could be free and everything could be yours.”

Chakotay laughed. 

“You’re feeling a lot better, I see,” he said. He served a mug of the broth up for her and offered it to her. “Good enough to give me a hard time. It’s hot, Kathryn. Take it slow.” 

“I notice you didn’t say that you wouldn’t like it,” Kathryn teased. “Your freedom.”

“I’m not entertaining that with a response,” Chakotay said. 

“Did I scratch your face?” Kathryn asked, furrowing her brow. The scratch wasn’t too bad, but it was noticeable.

Chakotay smiled at her and held up his hand. 

“And chewed my fingers up,” he said. “But it’s fine. That’s what I get for getting in a fight with Kathryn Janeway.” He shook his head when he saw the concerned expression that took over her face. “Now it’s me that’s giving you a hard time. I’m not angry with you, Kathryn. You were scared and you were hurting, and I’m afraid that I might have hurt you more. I can only apologize to you for how rough I was. I was—I was scared too. Terrified.” 

“Did you throw out the ferns?” Kathryn asked.

“I did,” Chakotay said, serving himself a bowl of the soup that he’d made. He allowed himself to enjoy all the ingredients. Kathryn could have more of them as she proved her ability to keep down the easiest portions to digest. He sat near her. “I thought that, just in case, it was a good idea to dispose of them. This planet offers enough that we won’t miss them, even if they aren’t poisonous.”

Kathryn moaned as she slowly swallowed the first mouthful of broth that she’d taken in. 

“Chakotay, this is so good,” she said. “So warm and...perfect.”

“Slowly,” Chakotay said. “You don’t want to make yourself sick again.” 

“What do you mean if they aren’t poisonous?” Kathryn asked. “We know they’re poisonous. That’s all I had.”

“I had them too,” Chakotay said. “They haven’t made me sick. It’s been long enough that they should have by now. So that leaves two possibilities. Either there’s something about you that makes you sensitive to the poison in the ferns that I don’t have in common with you, or it wasn’t the ferns that made you sick.”

“What else could it be?” Kathryn asked. 

“I’ve thought about that,” Chakotay said. “How do you feel? Right now?”

Kathryn considered the question carefully before she answered it. 

“Better than I did,” Kathryn said. “My stomach is more settled. I feel tired. A little weaker than usual. My throat is sore. My chest and my stomach ache. A few places on my body are sore.” 

“Most of that is probably my doing,” Chakotay said. “And I’m sorry for that. I only did it because I thought it was best for you.” 

“I’m not angry with you, Chakotay,” Kathryn responded. “You can stop apologizing.”

“I’m just concerned that, given the circumstances, it wasn’t poison,” Chakotay said. “And I think—in light of the fact that it hasn’t affected me, we need to think about other possibilities.” 

“What other possibilities did you have in mind?” Kathryn asked.

“I don’t even want to say it,” Chakotay admitted. 

“But you’ve got to,” Kathryn said. She looked like she might be feeling sick again. She clearly had lost interest in the mug of broth that she held and Chakotay couldn’t quite find his appetite for his soup. He put down his bowl and moved next to Kathryn. She put her mug down and reached for his hands, seeking out comfort there. “What do you think it might be, Chakotay? Tell me.” 

Chakotay hated his own thoughts, but Kathryn needed to hear them and they couldn’t exactly hide from what had happened.

“Kathryn—what if it’s the virus? What if whatever it was in the atmosphere that was protecting us from the virus starts to break down over time? What if this is the first sign that we’re no longer immune?”


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Here’s another chapter to keep us moving along. Thank you all for your support. It means more than you know. 

I’m moving ahead in my viewing and I’ve discovered that Chakotay is a vegetarian. Whoops. He’s not a vegetarian in my story. Sorry about that if it bothers anyone.

I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!

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Chakotay brought the picnic blanket out and spread it on the ground. He insisted to Kathryn that she finish at least the one mug of broth. She needed to get her strength up and the best way to do that was to take in something that would give her some nutrients. He swallowed down his soup in hot gulps that burned his throat as a show of support, getting it down any way he could because he couldn’t stand the thought that something might happen to them and, worse than that, that it might take her first. 

They both sat and tried to pretend that there was nothing wrong. Kathryn did her best to pretend that she wasn’t worried or upset. Chakotay could practically feel her struggle and he matched it with his own. 

It was only when Kathryn put her mug aside and Chakotay put his bowl aside, that they faced the possibility of the virus. 

“I’m going to get the tricorder,” Chakotay said. 

“It hasn’t worked since the plasma storm,” Kathryn pointed out. 

“It doesn’t work perfectly,” Chakotay said. “But it should work well enough to help us eliminate some possibilities.”

“If it’s working then it’ll show the virus,” Kathryn said. “Like it did before. But that won’t do us any good because we know the virus is there. We both have it. We’re both infected.” 

“It could be something else,” Chakotay said. “It would eliminate parasites or anything like that. If the scan shows that there’s nothing else to be alarmed about beyond the virus, then we’ll know it’s the virus.” 

“And then?” Kathryn asked.

“We do our best to access the files that were lost,” Chakotay said. “I’ll work on the computers and see if I can get something online enough to bring up the information that the doctor sent us. We’ll read everything we can. We’ll figure out the best way to proceed from here. We’ll figure out how to treat it.” 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said, reaching her hand out to touch his arm, “I read all the information. There isn’t anything we can do. Even with the—even with all the technology we had, there was nothing that we could do. That’s why we had to stay here. Once the virus is set in motion, it’s fatal. We don’t know how to cure it. If the virus is starting to affect me? There’s nothing we can do at this point but wait for it to take effect.” 

Chakotay swallowed.

“For once I’m wishing that we hadn’t lost your research,” Chakotay said. “Do you think you could stop it? If I can get the computers working? If I can get you...”

Kathryn smiled at him. She touched his cheek with her fingers. 

“Chakotay—my Chakotay,” she said softly. Her expression and the tone of her voice made Chakotay’s chest tighten. “If everything hadn’t been destroyed, I might have cured it by now. But it was destroyed. You know that. We don’t have the equipment. It’s OK. I’ve thought about it. If it’s the virus? It’s OK. I’m—at peace with it. I’m simply—at peace.” 

“Well I’m not,” Chakotay said. His words came out as almost a growl and he suddenly realized that he could barely breathe. He shook his head at Kathryn. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to cry or scream. He might even want to simply walk around destroying things for the absolute injustice that he felt at that moment. “I’m not!” He yelled at Kathryn, not really meaning to yell at her. She didn’t seem to take offense. She simply touched his cheek again. 

“I know,” she said softly, trying to soothe him. “I know you’re not. And—I’ll do my best to make sure you are. Go get the tricorder, Chakotay.” 

He shook his head at her. 

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to know anymore. If there’s nothing we can do—if there’s really nothing we can do? I don’t want to know what’s coming.” 

“I do,” Kathryn said. She started to stand up, so Chakotay pushed her back. 

“I’ve got it,” he said, getting to his feet. 

Chakotay had never been aware of how much is body weighed until he had to drag it into their shelter and find the case that held the tricorder he’d reconstructed with parts borrowed from the other broken one. It wouldn’t work perfectly, and he cursed it for its shortcomings, but it would at least tell them something. Chakotay would never wish Kathryn ill, but he had to admit to himself that he was almost desperately hoping for some parasite that he could somehow flush from her system to show up on the tricorder reading. 

Returning to the blanket where they’d eaten lunch, Chakotay turned the tricorder on. 

“Are you ready?” He asked Kathryn.

“Are you?” She asked. 

Chakotay wasn’t ready. Not if it was bad news. Not if it was something that might tell him that the forever he hoped would last a very long time was something that was going to happen without Kathryn there. He didn’t want to think about it, and he wasn’t sure it was a future he wanted to be part of. He wasn’t sure his life was worth very much if she were to go and leave him there alone. 

Chakotay scanned her with the malfunctioning tricorder. He stared at the readings. 

“I need to try it again,” he said. 

“Go ahead,” Kathryn told him. 

Chakotay scanned her again and stared at the readings. He heard her laugh quietly to herself. He glanced at her. 

“Judging from your facial expression,” Kathryn said, “I’m guessing that the third time’s a charm?” 

Chakotay reset the machine and scanned her a third time. Every time the readings were the same. They were incomplete and there were obvious problems with the tricorder that he could identify in an instant, but the readings that registered kept coming through the same. Chakotay reset the tricorder and passed it to Kathryn.

“Scan me,” he instructed. 

“I’m sure this doesn’t work anymore,” Kathryn said. “I saw you putting it together like a puzzle, Chakotay. I have the upmost confidence in your abilities, but there comes a point where we have to admit that some things are simply too far gone.” 

She scanned him while she talked, clearly feeling better than she had earlier, and then she stared at the screen. 

“What does it say?” Chakotay asked.

“It appears to be working,” Kathryn said. “Some of it isn’t picking up, but...most of it seems to be normal. I can see the components of the virus registering. Does anything here look abnormal to you? You know your medical history, perhaps, a little better than I do.” 

Kathryn passed Chakotay the tricorder and he looked at it. He read back the information from his own scan. It was entirely different than the readings he’d gotten the three times that he scanned Kathryn.

“It’s working,” Chakotay said, resetting it once more. “I just wanted to have something for comparison.” He scanned Kathryn once more. 

“Chakotay, if you don’t tell me what the tricorder says,” Kathryn said, “I’m just about ready to take it away from you by any means necessary.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. No matter how serious the situation might be, she could retain a certain level of humor and self-control.

“What is it?” Kathryn asked. “Is it the virus? I don’t think I’m dying or you wouldn’t be so...so jovial about it. What is it?” 

Chakotay laughed to himself again. He felt his chest unclenching from its earlier stress. 

“No,” he assured her. “No—it isn’t the virus, Kathryn. The virus is still there, but it’s not the virus. It’s reading just the same as it does with me.” 

“What is it, then? A parasite?” Kathryn asked. 

“In a matter of speaking,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn furrowed her brow at him and Chakotay passed her the tricorder. She stared at it and Chakotay imagined that her expression was at least somewhat reminiscent of his own when he’d first read the information displayed.

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“I had to have you scan me too,” Chakotay said. “Otherwise, when it read two life signs, I would have just kept thinking that the tricorder was malfunctioning and attempting to read both of us at once.” 

“Two life signs?” Kathryn said, barely letting her voice get above a whisper. She looked at Chakotay, wide-eyed. “Two life signs?” 

Chakotay reached his hands out and squeezed Kathryn’s shoulders. His stomach rolled with nervous energy, but at least the feeling he’d had before had passed. He no longer felt angry with the universe. 

“Kathryn—I’m guessing this life form has probably been with us a couple of weeks now,” Chakotay said. “It’s only just starting to show itself.” 

Kathryn continued to stare at him and then her face started to draw up. The moment that Chakotay realized she was about to cry, he moved to pull her into him. He took the tricorder away and put it on the ground near them and then he held Kathryn close and rubbed her back.

“Chakotay, do you know what this means?” Kathryn asked after she’d buried her face in his shoulder for a moment. 

He laughed to himself. 

“It means so many things,” Chakotay said. “It means—you’re going to be a wonderful mother, Kathryn. It means we’re going to need to add a little more room into the plans for our home like I suggested. I told you that it might be a good idea to go a little larger than you thought we needed right now. It means—Kathryn, more than anything it means you’re still healthy. We’re healthy. This virus isn’t hurting us. We’ve still got forever and we aren’t doing it alone.” Kathryn didn’t respond to him immediately. She clung to him and she nuzzled her face into his neck, but she didn’t respond. Even though the position wasn’t the most comfortable in the world, Chakotay stayed just as he was. He didn’t want to disturb her until she was ready to move. “Unfortunately it also means that—this morning our baby was just trying to announce its presence and I assaulted it,” Chakotay said. “Kathryn, I’m so sorry! I was so forceful and I must’ve made you feel terrible. I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me?” 

Kathryn pulled away from him and stared at him. 

“Our baby,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay nodded. 

“Our baby,” he echoed.

“Chakotay—I’m...” she broke off.

“I think the word you’re probably looking for is pregnant,” Chakotay said. “Are you OK? You’re pale again.” 

“Are you OK?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“I’m perfect,” he said. 

“Are you happy about...about this?” Kathryn asked.

“I couldn’t be happier,” Chakotay said. “The woman I love is carrying my child. But it’s not really me that I’m worried about. Are you happy, Kathryn?” 

“I’m terrified,” she said, practically whispering it. “I’m absolutely terrified.” 

“We can do this, Kathryn,” Chakotay assured her, seeing that she might need a little reassurance from him while she came to terms with everything. “You can do this. And it’s OK to be terrified. We’ll be terrified together sometimes, but we can do this.”

“I’m happy too, though,” Kathryn said. “I always wanted to have a baby, Chakotay. And with the man I love. I’m glad it’s your baby.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“I’m glad it’s my baby, too, especially since we’re the only humanoids on the planet,” Chakotay teased.

“You know what I meant,” Kathryn said, her mood lightening a little. 

“I do,” Chakotay said. “And I think—you might be in shock. Just a little.” 

“You’re supposed to be the one that’s in shock,” Kathryn said, something like a smirk turning up the corner of her mouth. “You—you’re the one that’s supposed to be afraid. You’re supposed to pass out. You’re supposed to doubt if you’re ready for this or if you want this or if you can handle this. It’s supposed to be you that’s in shock.” 

Chakotay chuckled.

“I believe you’ve been participating in one too many holodeck novels,” Chakotay said. “But if you want me to act like I’m uncomfortable with this, I can.” 

“No,” Kathryn said, breathing it out. “I don’t. Chakotay—I’m pregnant.”

“I know,” Chakotay said. Her eyes were still wide and she kept looking around her like she was looking for some kind of confirmation of the thoughts that were just settling down in her mind. 

“It’s your baby,” Kathryn said, a soft smile taking over her lips. 

“I know that, too,” Chakotay said, not trying to hide his own smile in the least. 

“I might be in shock,” Kathryn said, “but I am happy.”

She laughed to herself and Chakotay couldn’t help but believe her. She was telling the truth. She was happy, but she was also at least a little bit in shock. Chakotay wasn’t sure that she’d entertained the possibility at all until now. 

“I’m glad,” Chakotay said. “Because you deserve to be happy, Kathryn.”

“How do you feel?” Kathryn asked. 

“I’m at peace,” Chakotay assured her. He started to get to his feet and he pulled her up with him. If need be, he could easily pick her up and carry her anywhere that she might need to go, especially if she found that her knees weren’t cooperating too well with her at the moment. She seemed steady on her feet, though, once he got her up, even though she clung to him. “I’m happy and at peace. Come on, Kathryn. Let’s get you in the bath to soak for a while. It’ll help you relax. I’ll bring you some more broth to sip on in the tub and—we can talk about it later. We don’t have to talk about it all right now. It isn’t going anywhere for a while.”


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. We have a couple more chapters of them settling into the idea of their new addition (especially since we haven’t heard from Kathryn yet), but then there’s much more to come. 

A lot of you have been asking me if Voyager will return. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I’ll simply say that you’ll have to read to find out. Whether it does or doesn’t, though, I hope you’ll enjoy my exploration of these characters. Thank you all for your comments and support. They really brighten my day! 

I hope you like the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay let Kathryn soak for a long while in her tub while she thought about their new piece of information. Chakotay, too, thought about it. It was truly only logical, as Tuvok would have said. Since he’d first started plotting their new home—the foundation of which was barely done and, thankfully, would easily allow for a little more expansion—Chakotay had been genuinely imaging a family with Kathryn. He was realizing, now, that it was possible that Kathryn hadn’t really begun to think about it, so it was a shock to her now that they were facing it at warp speed. When they’d started discussing the cabin, Chakotay had suggested that they build it with a few extra rooms to allow for expansion beyond what they needed at the moment. At the time, though, Kathryn had seemed convinced that nothing would ever change and they’d never need more room than they could imagine needing at the moment. They would go on forever just exactly as they were in the moment. 

Tomorrow, when he was sure that Kathryn was well and settled, Chakotay would leave her to the work that she enjoyed and he’d slip away the short distance to the plot of their new home to work on expanding the structure to allow room for their new family member and, while he was at it, for a few other surprise arrivals. He wanted them to be prepared for any unexpected thing this new life might have to offer them.

While Kathryn bathed, Chakotay left her alone with the exception of bring her small bits of food to put in her stomach and offering her hot water to refresh hers as it cooled down and needed to be drained from the tub. He didn’t try to have any sort of conversation with her until he heard her humming happily to herself. Even then, he took fresh hot water with him to cover for his exploration of her current mood.

“Do you need more water?” Chakotay asked, pouring some of it in to warm the tub even without Kathryn’s request.

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said, sitting up to lean against the side of the tub nearest him, “the tricorder might be wrong. It’s been malfunctioning since the plasma storm. What if we get our hopes up and then—it’s just simply not true?” 

Chakotay nodded his head, letting her know that he heard her concerns. They were perfectly logical concerns and she seemed a great deal calmer now than she had been before. Looking at her in the tub, her body showed no signs of pregnancy—at least none of which Chakotay was aware. She was thinner, even, than she may have been before. The morning’s bout of sickness had been the first complaint of feeling poorly since they’d been left on the planet beyond the muscle aches and pains that sometimes followed days of hard work and physical labor. She hadn’t even complained of the almost chronic headaches that she’d seemed to have on Voyager. The novelty of her complaint about being sick was the main reason that Chakotay had treated it so seriously and with so much determination to conquer it. Now he was sorry for how intensely he’d handled the situation, but Kathryn refused to hear his apologies for it. 

“The only thing I want to know is if you want to get your hopes up,” Chakotay said. “Would you like it to be true, Kathryn?” 

Kathryn licked her lips. At least Chakotay couldn’t say that his wife was flighty and jumped from one thing to another without thinking. Kathryn was human, and she made mistakes and bad choices, but she always tried to make a careful decision about everything. 

“I’ve always wanted a child,” Kathryn said. “I’ve often wondered if it was something that simply would never happen for me.” She looked at Chakotay and smiled. “I hadn’t really focused on the possibility before, but now that I am, Chakotay—there’s really nothing that I would rather do than have a baby with you. I never really thought I’d say that or feel that way, but now that I do, I think I’m more terrified that this may simply be a malfunctioning tricorder than I am that I’m pregnant. I’m actually afraid that this baby, that I’ve only been even imaging for an hour, might not be real.” 

All that Chakotay needed to know was that Kathryn would be happy with the job that lay ahead of her and that she wanted to have their child. Everything else felt like all the other details of their life—simply something to be dealt with as it became necessary. 

“The tricorder readings are incomplete and, at times, inconclusive,” Chakotay said. “But there’s been no reason to suspect that they might incorrect. Kathryn—we certainly haven’t been renewing any birth control and we haven’t been practicing abstinence. Even if the tricorder was wrong, eventually there’s a very good chance that this wouldn’t be a false alarm. And—I really hope that’s sooner rather than later. I never minded the idea of being a father, exactly, but I can’t say that I really wanted it until now. Right now—thinking of you as the mother of my child? Kathryn, I couldn’t be a happier man.”

Kathryn reached her wet hands up toward him and Chakotay leaned over the tub so she could catch his face and pull him over to her for a kiss. She looked somewhere between tears and smiles when they broke apart, but she was radiant even after all the ordeals of the day. Chakotay laughed to himself. He’d heard people talk about all the effects of pregnancy hormones on their wives and he was about to embark on that adventure with Kathryn Janeway. It was bound to be an absolute thrill ride of sorts.

“What is it?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay’s instinct warned him against telling her the full truth.

“You’re just beautiful,” Chakotay said. “Radiant. I can’t believe how lucky I am.” 

It won him an even more sincere smile and a tender look in Kathryn’s eyes. 

“Help me get out of the tub?” Kathryn requested. She could get out on her own, but Chakotay was glad to help. She could easily fall, too, and he certainly didn’t want that to happen. Chakotay caught her around the rib cage and helped her as she got out. He passed her towel to her so that she could wrap it around herself. “I’ve never had a baby before,” Kathryn informed him, as though he wouldn’t know that information. “At least not that I remember and never a human one.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself and Kathryn echoed his amusement. Both of them remembered when Tom had taken her through Warp Ten and she’d become the proud amphibian mother of three super-evolved offspring that were also amphibious in nature. 

“You will do wonderfully,” Chakotay assured her. “You’re strong and healthy. You’re built for it.” 

“What does that mean?” Kathryn asked, clearly challenging him. 

“It means that you have a good, strong body and that I believe you were meant for motherhood,” Chakotay responded. He smiled at her and she returned the smile. She’d tried to see if he’d walk into some kind of trap, but he’d managed to dodge it entirely. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Kathryn said. “I don’t know how to be pregnant. I don’t know how to have a baby.” 

“Your body does,” Chakotay said. “Your instinct is there. It knows. When you need to, you’ll listen to your body.” 

“We don’t have the doctor,” Kathryn said, following Chakotay back to the shelter with her towel still tightly wrapped around her. “I’d feel a lot better about everything if we had the doctor.” 

“Women had babies for centuries before Emergency Medical Holographs,” Chakotay responded. 

“They had midwives,” Kathryn said.

“Not all of them. I had some emergency training. I’ve never done it before, but I’m certain that I can deliver a baby. I’m especially certain that I can deliver our baby because I have a genuine interest in seeing that it’s born as safely and as easily as possible.” 

Chakotay was not without his own worries and concerns. Part of him still felt dizzy over the thought that, even as he walked with an arm loosely slung over Kathryn’s shoulder for the comfort it might provide her, his son or daughter was already growing deep inside of her. The thought practically sent shock waves through Chakotay’s body. Now there was more to worry about than their own survival. Even if the child was microscopic and still able to go quite undetected, they knew it was there. It was their child—one created entirely from their love for one another—and Chakotay already felt a desperate need to ensure that nothing threatened it. He worried, too, for Kathryn’s safety. There was nothing to do, though, except handle things as well as possible. Chakotay didn’t intend to share his worries and concerns with Kathryn at the moment. This was her time. If he could comfort her and help her to tap into the unyielding stream of strength and determination that he knew rushed inside of her, she would not only get through this, but she would be ready to save him when his own feelings got to be too overwhelming. 

Just as they always did, they would have to take turns saving one another. Right now, it was Chakotay’s turn to give to Kathryn all that she might need.

Back in the shelter, she dressed in silence. Her face clearly showed that she was still concerned and still deep in thought. Chakotay watched her dress and he watched as the snug fabric of the dress hugged the curves of her body. There was no evidence of their child yet, but there would be. Before too long, Kathryn would start to show signs of being full with the child. His child. Something surged through Chakotay at the simple thought of it. He felt like it ran hot through his veins and jolted through the full length of his nervous system. She was beautiful. She was as flawed as any human, and he knew that, but Chakotay found perfection among the humanity. And now she seemed even more beautiful and perfect than she had before. She was his wife and the mother of his unborn child. 

Kathryn drew him out of the trance that he’d entered into when the ancient and primal human inside of him—something perhaps leftover from some long-forgotten ancestor—spoke to him about the wonders of his life. 

“We’ll leave it alone,” Kathryn said. Chakotay could see the hint of pain in her eyes before he was even present enough to address the concern. 

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I didn’t hear what you said. Leave what alone?” 

“The baby,” Kathryn said. “When we die, we’ll leave it alone on this planet. It won’t have anyone.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He was relieved. Kathryn seemed fine and she was taking things well. She had to be or she wouldn’t have jumped so far into the future to find something to worry about. As long as she was handling things well, they could get through absolutely anything. Chakotay was sure of that. 

“I promise,” Chakotay assured her, “that we’ll have another baby as soon as it’s safe. As many as you want. We’ll make sure they don’t grow up alone and they aren’t left alone. Who knows, Kathryn, by then there might be other people on this planet. There might be other species here. For now, though, I think our primary concern is just keeping you and the baby healthy and getting the baby here safely when it’s time. We’ll have plenty of time to worry about everything else later.”


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn liked hearing all the sounds of life that went on inside Chakotay’s chest. Biology was a respectable science, but it was always one that she’d dismissed as being unnecessary for her to study with any great dedication. There were already too many people who studied it. The world was full of doctors. Of course, now that Kathryn wished they had a doctor available, there wasn’t one and she was wishing she’d given biology a little more of her time. If she knew more, she might be more confident about the future that lay ahead of them. She might be able, as well, to identify more of the sounds that she heard as she rested with her head against Chakotay’s chest. She knew little more beyond the fact that his heart was beating and all the sounds she heard were evidence of the life inside him.

If their guess was correct, there was life inside Kathryn as well. There was more life inside of her than she would have imagined even yesterday.

She reminded herself that they had no way of being certain just yet, and she didn’t want to get her hopes up too high, but part of her was starting to feel like it had to be true because she could no longer imagine the world—which she’d believed existed only hours before—where she wasn’t happily expecting a life that she’d created with Chakotay. 

While she rested against him, Chakotay had designed a sort of circuit for his hand to run. It went over her back, gently pressing at some tender spots he’d found there, up to squeeze gently at her neck and shoulders, and then to tangle in her hair and work at removing the tension at the base of her skull before his hand started its descent again to retrace the loop.

After the initial shock dulled, because it hadn’t really ever worn off entirely, their day had gone on as normally as possible. Kathryn had tended the wounds on Chakotay’s hand—wounds that he’d ignored out of his concern for her—where she’d latched onto him like a Klingon. Then he’d gone off to do some work at the site of their home with Kathryn’s promise that she would be fine. Kathryn had changed the linens on the bed and she’d washed the soiled ones and hung them out to dry in the sun. She’d moved a few sticks of firewood from the large pile that Chakotay built back up nearly every day to the small stack near the fire pit where he cooked and warmed their meals. Then she’d gone to their garden and she’d pulled some of the weeds growing there and made note of the fact that, if they didn’t fall asleep to the sound of rain on their roof, it would be prudent to bring buckets of water the next day to water the little plants that she was growing. 

Chakotay had gotten their dinner going, warming the soup that they’d had earlier, and he’d taken a bath while it warmed. They ate and they cleaned up. They made love and now Kathryn was lying with her head on Chakotay’s chest while his hand ran a circuit of comfort around her body. It was like any other evening that they’d spent together. 

They hadn’t talked about the baby in hours and Kathryn knew it was because Chakotay was trying to give her time and space to think about it. The guarded silence was for her benefit. He had not only come to terms with it, but was so excited by it that Kathryn could practically hear him buzzing.

“Chakotay?” Kathryn said to get his attention. She lifted her head. He was watching her. She probably hadn’t needed to draw his attention at all. “I don’t want you treat me like I’m an invalid or tell me that I can’t do anything.” 

“What?” Chakotay asked, laughing to himself.

“If I’m pregnant,” Kathryn said. “I don’t want you to treat me like I’m an invalid and not capable of doing things.” 

“I didn’t treat you like that today, did I?” 

“We don’t know that I’m pregnant,” Kathryn said. “Not for certain.” 

“We don’t know that you’re not,” Chakotay responded. “And it’s more likely that you are than not.”

“I know how you can be,” Kathryn said. 

“Please enlighten me. How can I be?”

“Protective. And I love that about you, but...”

“But you also don’t like to be told what to do and you certainly don’t like being told to sit something out,” Chakotay said, interrupting her. “I love that about you, too, but perhaps the situation calls for reaching a compromise that makes us both happy.” 

“A compromise?” Kathryn asked. “What did you have in mind?”

“You can do things that you want to do, and everything you need to do, but we’ll have some exceptions,” Chakotay explained. 

“Exceptions?” Kathryn asked, changing her position so that she could see Chakotay better. “What kinds of exceptions?” 

“You shouldn’t try to help me carry the water from the river,” Chakotay said. “You shouldn’t try to help me with the cabin. You should avoid any job with heavy lifting and straining, Kathryn. And anything that might simply be dangerous.” 

Kathryn sighed and sat up. Chakotay responded by changing his own position in the bed so that they were both alert for the conversation.

“I’m not weak,” Kathryn said. 

“And you don’t need to be sheltered and protected,” Chakotay interrupted. “You’re not just any woman. You’re Kathryn Janeway, and you’re a Starfleet captain.” Kathryn stared at him. She could tell he wasn’t done. She could also tell that he’d been preparing this for at least a little while. 

“Go ahead,” Kathryn urged. “I can see that you’ve got more to say.” 

“The baby is small and defenseless. You are the first line of defense. There’s nothing I can do except be the second line of defense. I protect you and you protect our child,” Chakotay smiled at her. “In a manner of speaking, Kathryn, the baby is the captain now that the vessel has been boarded. You’re the ship. You’ll do what our tiny captain demands—because there will be times when you simply won’t have a choice. And I’ll be the shields, protecting you both from outside.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Are you suggesting I’m going to be as big as a starship?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay laughed. 

“No,” he said. “But you might feel that way. I’ve been looking at you while you’ve been lying here. You’re small, Kathryn. There’s not a lot of room. It’s bound to fill up fast once the baby starts growing bigger.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I guess there will be enough room,” she said. “Somehow.”

“There will be plenty,” Chakotay said, “but you may not always feel like it.

“I’ve always been told I have the hips for having babies,” Kathryn said. 

“You’ve got everything you need,” Chakotay said. Kathryn didn’t know how much knowledge he really possessed about pregnancy and childbirth, but he was at least putting on a good show of confidence for Kathryn’s benefit and she appreciated it. 

She leaned toward him and Chakotay smiled at her just before he met her for the kiss she sought from him. 

“I do have everything I need,” Kathryn agreed. “I’ve got you.” 

“You do have that,” Chakotay assured her. “And I’ll be here to remind you that you’ve got to take it easy sometimes. Whether you like it or not.” 

Kathryn sighed. 

“I don’t mind taking it easy sometimes,” Kathryn said, “but I don’t want you to try to keep me from doing everything. You need my help around here and I’d be bored if I didn’t have anything to do.”

“There’s plenty for you to do that isn’t dangerous,” Chakotay assured her. “Everything you did today was fine. I think the biggest thing is not trying to carry anything heavy, Kathryn. There’s no need in straining yourself.”

“What about the cabin?” Kathryn asked.

“What about it?” Chakotay asked.

“You were counting on my help,” Kathryn said. “To get it done. It’s going to be an impossible task for you to tackle alone, Chakotay. You can’t do all of that by yourself.” 

“It’s going to take me a little longer than I had planned,” Chakotay said, “and it means that we’re probably going to have to put off a few other little things we wanted to do for a while, but I can absolutely build the cabin by myself, Kathryn. You can help with the little parts of the project. It’s not that you can’t help at all, but you can’t help move the logs. I don’t want to take any chances.”

“And you can’t move them on your own,” Kathryn challenged.

“I promise you, I know what I’m doing,” Chakotay said. “I know how to handle this. The baby doesn’t disrupt my plans to build us a bigger home. I’ll still get it built, and I’ll have it built in time that the baby can be born there. You can mark my work on that, Kathryn.” 

“I’m going to feel like I’m utterly useless if you don’t let me do anything,” Kathryn said.

He smiled at her. 

“You’ll have plenty to do,” he said. “There’s no shortage of work that needs to be done.” 

“I don’t know how I’m going to feel about you bossing me around,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“I’ve taken orders from you for a while,” Chakotay said. “It won’t hurt you to take a few from me. Besides—I promise. I’ll always have the best interest of you and the baby at heart.”

Kathryn leaned over and gently pressed her lips against his. Chakotay returned the kiss and ran his hands up the sides of her arms. Kathryn smiled at him. 

“We won’t mutiny unless your demands get too ridiculous,” Kathryn teased. 

“I’ll try to keep them in check,” Chakotay said. He raised his eyebrows at her. “For my first command—it’s been a long day since you woke me up by scaring me to death with the thought that you were dying. I’m tired. I know you’re tired because I can see it in your eyes. Come on to bed. Let’s get some sleep. I’ve got a hunch that our captain is an early riser.”


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn heard Chakotay approaching seconds before he came clearly into view. When she glanced at him, he gave her the smile that was so purely Chakotay. It was a smile that automatically made her feel warm and loved.

“How are the sprouts today?” Chakotay asked, coming around the plot to the side where she was working. He lowered himself to the ground to sit next to where she was carefully separating the shoots of weeds and grass from the plants that would eventually make up a large part of their diet. 

“Growing,” Kathryn responded.

“Who would have thought that someone who knows her way around space so well would be good at growing things in the ground?” Chakotay mused.

Kathryn smiled at his praise. 

“My mother always made me help tend to her garden. I always hated it back then, but it’s something very different when you’re growing food you need to rely on. I may not really know what I’m doing, but I’ve certainly got the motivation to give it my best try.

“You have a green thumb,” Chakotay said, catching her hand and raising it to his lips to place a kiss at the base of the very finger in question. “Just look at the sprouts if you doubt that. You did this. The garden’s been your project.” He laughed quietly and reached around her, spreading his hand out across her stomach. “You have a knack for growing things, Kathryn. This sprout’s growing too.”

Kathryn swallowed.

She wanted evidence beyond the readings of a broken tricorder and Chakotay’s unwavering faith. She liked hard and concrete evidence. She was a woman of science and not so much a person of simple faith. She had no real evidence, though, as of yet. She had heard women talk about morning sickness, but it always seemed to be more of a never ending nightmare that lasted all day than something that truly only happened in the morning. For the last two weeks or so, what Kathryn had been experiencing wasn’t the stuff of legends that she’d heard about. It woke her from her sleep with an urge to empty her stomach in an almost violent manner and then it lessened a great deal. She spent the morning trying to remain as absolutely still as she possibly could to combat the waves of nausea that rolled over her, but they only truly made her ill from time to time. By the time that Chakotay was preparing their midday meal, her stomach had settled to the point that it switched directions entirely and went to loudly begging for food that always smelled like heaven to Kathryn and made her ravenously hungry.

She feared that her experience with morning sickness wasn’t normal or that it wasn’t morning sickness at all. Without further confirmation, Kathryn could only hope that it wasn’t some parasite, or even some virus beyond the one they knew about, that they were trying to nurture and were urging to grow. 

Chakotay promised her, though, that it wouldn’t be long before they had the more than enough proof to make them certain that there was a baby inhabiting her body and nothing else. He was already sure that the baby was there. He seemed to need no more evidence than the readings of a broken tricorder and what he called his own instinct in the matter.

Kathryn sighed and covered Chakotay’s hand with her own. 

“Is this a sprout or our captain?” Kathryn asked. She could voice her concerns again, leaving Chakotay to get the helpless expression on his face, which she hated to see, because he had no more promises to offer her, or she could bask in the hope of a child with him and join in with his loving and playful banter. 

Chakotay smiled at her choice to play along with him. He was likely relieved to get a short break from promising her that soon enough she’d have what she sought to make her as confident as he at least pretended to be. 

“Both,” Chakotay said. “Our miniscule captain and, at least in the morning, tiny tyrant is just a soon-to-be sprout.” Kathryn laughed to herself and Chakotay looked pleased to have gotten such a reaction from her. “See—it was just a tiny little seed that we planted there together. Just like we planted these seeds.” 

“I think you did most of the planting in both cases,” Kathryn said. Chakotay smiled and nodded his head gently.

“So I did,” he said. “I planted the seed, but you gave it a nice place to take root and you’re caring for it while it grows. It’s all under the surface right now, but it won’t be long before we see it sprouting out. Just like these sprouts.” 

Kathryn leaned into him and softly pecked his lips before she straightened herself back up and wiped some of the dirt off her dress that had collected there while she’d been pulling grass and weeds. 

“I didn’t expect to see you before dinner,” she said. 

“I finished the surprise I’ve been working on. I thought it was as good a time as any to bring it to you. Do you want to see your surprise?” 

“I thought you were working on the cabin,” Kathryn said.

“You’ve said it yourself,” Chakotay said. “I’m a man of many talents. I’m also good at multi-tasking. I’ve been working on this during my breaks for a while. It’s been easy to work on, as well, in the mornings when you don’t need me, but you like knowing that I’m there.” 

Kathryn couldn’t help but smile. She felt her cheeks grow warm. When she was sick, she felt better simply knowing that Chakotay was there. She liked knowing he was nearby. His presence comforted her even though she didn’t really want him to touch her and there was very little that he could actually do for her nausea. Chakotay knew how she felt and he simply stayed close by her and tinkered in silence with one small project or another that he always kept secret from her so that he could later reveal it to her as a surprise. 

“What’s the surprise?” Kathryn asked.

“Close your eyes,” Chakotay instructed, “and hold out your hands.”

Kathryn smiled to herself and followed his instructions. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what it might be. Chakotay usually tried to find a way to give her anything she asked for, but she hadn’t asked for anything lately except the one cup of coffee that he allowed her after her stomach was well-coated with whatever they had for their midday meal. 

Kathryn felt Chakotay place something in her palm, but the weight of it was so light that it was hardly noticeable. 

“Open your eyes, Kathryn,” Chakotay said softly. Kathryn did as she was told and looked at what lie in her palm. The rings were meticulously carved. 

“You made these?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay smiled.

“Do you like them?” 

“They’re beautiful,” Kathryn said. 

“Traditionally I know they should be a precious metal, but simply replicating some wedding rings didn’t feel right to me. I started these the day I started working on our cabin. They were from the first tree I cut.”

Chakotay took the rings out of Kathryn’s hand. He raised her hand up to kiss her fingers. Then he slipped the ring he made for her into its rightful place. 

“It’s a little loose,” Chakotay said.

“It’s perfect,” Kathryn promised.

Chakotay smiled at her and touched his fingers to her cheek. 

“Is that a tear because you’re happy?” Chakotay asked. “Or because you’re absolutely horrified by my faulty craftsmanship?” 

“They’re so beautiful and you made them,” Kathryn responded.

Chakotay moved to put his own ring on, satisfied that Kathryn was pleased with them, and she closed her hand over his and took the wooden ring from him. 

“I believe it’s tradition that I put the ring on you,” Kathryn said. Chakotay smiled and offered out his hand to show his acceptance of Kathryn’s request. She slipped the ring into place and accepted the kiss that closed the impromptu ceremony that took place in the grass just beside their garden plot.

“They aren’t perfect,” Chakotay apologized. “On Earth I would have gotten you something nicer.” 

“You absolutely couldn’t give me anything nicer than this,” Kathryn promised him.

“I sanded them,” Chakotay said. “But if you find a spot that irritates you, let me know and I can smooth it.”

Kathryn simply nodded her understanding.

“Finish with the garden,” Chakotay instructed. “I’m going to get dinner ready. I thought we could maybe eat at the cabin? Now that the framework’s done, I thought you might like the grand tour.”

Kathryn didn’t try to rein in her enthusiasm at all.

“I’d love to have dinner at the cabin,” she said. “If you’d let me help you...”

“You can help me with some of the sanding,” Chakotay said. “Later. There’s still plenty to be done. Right now—I just want you to see what we’ve got so far. I think it’s enough that you can kind of imagine what it’s going it to look like. You can start to imagine what it’ll be like to live there.” 

“I know it’s going to be perfect,” Kathryn said. “I can’t wait to see it.” 

“Finish the garden,” Chakotay said. “I’ll be back to get you when it’s time for dinner.” 

Kathryn took his parting kiss and offered a hand up to him to use as he got up off the ground. He didn’t need her help, but he took it by using her shoulder to steady himself. As soon as Chakotay left her, Kathryn spent a moment admiring her ring. The bands were simple, of course, and being made by hand they had a number of imperfections, but Kathryn was certain that she’d never seen a piece of jewelry that was more beautiful. She returned to her work in the garden, determined to finish weeding the plot by the time that Chakotay arrived to escort her to dinner.

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“We could spend the night,” Kathryn said. “Even without a roof, it would be nice to sleep out under the stars again.”

“It’s starting to rain and it might get bad,” Chakotay said. “But another night? We can absolutely spend the night. It won’t be too long, though, before we’ve got a roof over our heads and we’re spending every night here.” 

Chakotay rested his hand on Kathryn’s back and guided her back toward their shelter. He let her carry the picnic blanket back while he carried the basket with everything else he’d brought out to make the dinner nice for the both of them.

He’d only intended them to stay for a little while. He’d set up the meal and then he’d gone to escort Kathryn from the garden plot to the cabin. He’d thought it would be nice to spend a little time sitting in the room that would one day be their kitchen. They would share a nice meal, some conversation, and they could daydream a little about what it would be like when the house was done.

But Kathryn had some other ideas about how the evening should go. As soon as they’d finished dinner, she’d wanted the grand tour of their eventual home. Chakotay had showed her around, guiding her from open space to open space and sharing his vision of what it would all be, and then she’d stopped him in their bedroom. She’d suggested that he go and get the blanket that they used for their picnics and that he bring it to their future bedroom. She’d suggested that they christen the room as their own.

How could he refuse such an offer? He made it a practice, after all, not to deny Kathryn anything that was reasonable and within his power to give her. 

They’d made love twice before either of them was willing and ready to leave their spot. By the time they started back toward their shelter, Chakotay had felt the first drops of a rain that was coming and the sun had set. Above them, black rain clouds blocked out almost all the light in the sky so that Chakotay’s only rush to get them back to the shelter was to be sure that they could see their way there without tripping over anything in their path.

As the dark closed in around them and the rain started to pick up, Chakotay dropped his hand around Kathryn’s back and held tighter to her. She was unbothered by the darkness and the rain, though. Instead of rushing her steps, she leaned into him and seemed content to walk slowly back.

“I wish you’d let me help you finish the cabin,” she said. “Just being there is making me anxious to see it done.” 

“It’ll be done soon,” Chakotay assured her. “It’s going faster than I thought. I’d rather work on it on my own, though. At least then I don’t have to worry about you. It makes the work more pleasant that way.” 

“I wish there was something I could do,” Kathryn lamented. “Something you’d let me do. Do I have to keep reminding you that I’m not an invalid?”

Chakotay laughed to himself. Kathryn could keep herself busy from the moment that the sun rose until it set and she’d still be sorry that there wasn’t more that she could do.

“I know you’re not an invalid. And you’re not weak and you’re not fragile. But we agreed on compromise. And—in light of that compromise, tomorrow I’ll see about cutting some boards to get started on my plans for the boat. I won’t be able to assemble it for a while, but you can start sanding the boards for me. That way everything will be ready when I’m done with the cabin and then it won’t take more than a few days to put the boat together.”

“And then we’ll sail down the river?” Kathryn asked.

“At least a short distance,” Chakotay said.

“I thought we were exploring the whole planet together,” Kathryn challenged.

“Not in the first week of our voyages,” Chakotay said, laughing to himself. “Besides—we’ve got to see how long it takes me to finish the cabin. We may find our travel plans delayed a little if my finishing the boat coincides with the arrival of a certain someone into our lives.” 

“Is there someone coming to visit that I don’t know about?” Kathryn teased. Chakotay didn’t bother responding to her comment. It was only meant, after all, to get a rise out of him.

Chakotay opened the door to their shelter when they got there and he waved Kathryn through. By now, both of them were wearing clothes that were very nearly soaked and Kathryn’s hair was dripping with water. Chakotay put down everything he was carrying and by the time he’d straightened up, Kathryn was already offering him a dry towel.

Kathryn stripped out of her dress in the kitchen and wrapped her towel around her. She shivered against the slight chill in the air. 

“That’s why I didn’t want to sleep in the rain,” Chakotay said. “Hurry up—get something on.” 

Chakotay followed her, stripping out of his own wet clothes as he went, to change into something dry. He’d just pulled a clean shirt over his head when he heard something that startled him and made him jump. Kathryn, tugging on her night gown over skin that wasn’t entirely dry, jumped too. 

The electric hiss and pop surprised her and she looked at him wide-eyed and seeking some sort of information about the sound. He didn’t have any answers, though, until the noise repeated itself and the crackling hiss gave way to a sound that they’d never imagined to hear that was issuing forth from some almost-forgotten artifacts of their past that they’d stored in a corner.

“Captain Janeway. Come in Captain Janeway. Do you read me? This is Lieutenant Commander Tuvok. Do you read me? Captain Janeway. Commander Chakotay. Come in.”


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I just wanted to let you know (if you didn’t come with me from the Walking Dead fandom and aren’t used to my style) that this has the potential to be quite long. I’ve written some stories that were, honestly, longer than War and Peace. I enjoy character and world exploration. This is my playground to play with the relationship between Chakotay and Kathryn.

I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay noticed Kathryn’s hands shaking as she held the combadge. His own stomach was tight and his hands were inexplicably sweaty as he held his own combadge. 

“Janeway to Tuvok,” Kathryn said. “Do you read me?” 

“Captain, I am pleased to hear your voice. We have procured a cure for the virus. We are in route to your planet. We will be within transporter range in approximately thirty hours. At that time, we will beam down the cure to the planet’s surface as it will be necessary to administer it before you leave the planet’s protective atmosphere.” 

Chakotay looked at Kathryn. Just like that, she became Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager once more. There was no question from Tuvok about whether or not she wanted the role. It was hers until she could no longer fulfill her duties or until her mission was complete. The virus could be cured and they would be leaving New Earth behind to return to the skies. Chakotay knew, though, that it would be impossible to leave behind everything that had happened there and he wouldn’t want to leave it behind even if he they could. He could only hope that Kathryn felt the same way. He could tell by her expression that she had a great deal on her mind. It was as much a shock to her as it was to him. 

“Very good, Lieutenant,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay touched his own combadge.

“Tuvok,” Chakotay said, “establish a direct link with the doctor. Make it a closed channel.” 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay in question, but he didn’t respond to her. Tuvok quickly closed his communication with the two of them, promising to be in touch as things progressed, and then he disconnected with them seconds before a communication link opened with the doctor. 

“This is the Emergency Medical Hologram,” he informed them. Chakotay would have been pleased to hear so many familiar voices if he didn’t feel like his stomach was turning inside out. Chakotay walked over to their bed and sat down on the edge of it. 

“Doctor,” he said, “this is Commander Chakotay.”

“It’s good to hear your voice, Commander,” the doctor responded. “Are you or the captain ill?” 

“I have a few questions for you, Doctor,” Chakotay said. “Perhaps—it’s best to say they’re hypothetical questions, but I want the best answers that you can give me.” 

“Go ahead,” the doctor urged.

“If there were a baby conceived on this planet, and both its parents were infected with the virus, would the child contract the virus?” Chakotay asked.

“The virus is blood-borne,” the doctor responded. “Therefore, yes, it would be passed to a fetus in utero.” 

Chakotay swallowed.

“Would the cure work the same way?” Chakotay asked. “Would it be safe for the fetus?” 

“The fetus would gain immunity through its mother’s immunity,” the doctor assured him. “There should be no harmful effects to the fetus. I’m sorry, Commander, but I’m not sure I understand your line of questioning. Have you encountered other inhabitants on the planet that you will be bringing aboard?” 

“Something like that,” Chakotay said. “I would appreciate it if you keep the entirety of this conversation private.” 

“Of course,” the doctor responded, not pressing for any further information. “How many hyposprays should I prepare to be beamed to the planet’s surface?” 

“Just two,” Chakotay said. “And when we’re beamed aboard, we’ll be beamed directly to sick bay.” 

The doctor agreed that was the best course of action. When the link between them was closed, Chakotay tossed his combadge to the side. Kathryn walked up to him and he pulled her to him. He pressed his lips gently to her stomach, the silky material of her night gown cool against his lips.

“I suppose it won’t be long before you have some confirmation that there really is a baby,” Chakotay said, resting his cheek against her stomach. He could hear the gurgling that took place inside her—common sounds of anyone’s functioning digestive system—and he closed his eyes to imagine that there was very little separating him from the safe and warm place where his son or daughter was busy growing, unaware of all that was taking place outside. Kathryn ran her fingers through his hair. 

“I don’t want to tell the crew about it if there is a baby,” Kathryn said. “Not just yet. Let’s give them some time to get used to us being back first. Let’s give them some time to get used to...to...”

“The fact that we married?” Chakotay asked with a laugh. He moved over on the bed and invited Kathryn to sit down beside him. “It might be a bit overwhelming to give them everything at one time. But I don’t want us to wait too long. I’d prefer if everyone on board was aware that you’re expecting. The sooner, the better, in my opinion.” 

Kathryn hummed to herself. 

“I’m sure the Federation would frown on a captain marrying her first officer while on a mission,” she mused.

“Perhaps,” Chakotay said. “But we didn’t marry as a captain and a first officer. We married while excused from the mission and we married as Kathryn and Chakotay. There is no rule against a husband and wife serving together that I’m aware of. And even if there were, the rules have to change because we’re dealing with some pretty unique circumstances. The rules were never actually meant to cover a mission that could last more than seventy years.”

“The crew might not like it,” Kathryn said. “Our relationship. Our marriage.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Are you kidding? They’re going to love it. And they love you, Kathryn. They absolutely love you. All of them. Almost as much as I do. As soon as the surprise about the baby wears off, you’re going to hate them because they’re all going to be protective of you. That’s exactly one of the reasons that I want them to know sooner rather than later.”

“And that’s exactly what I don’t want to happen,” Kathryn said. “I have a responsibility to them. I don’t need anyone getting hurt or putting themselves in harm’s way because they were trying to protect me. It’s my job to take care of them. Not the other way around.”

“You’ve mentioned wanting everyone to be a family since we’ll be together for so long. They’re starting to come together. They’re starting to show that they’re doing just what you want them to do. They’re finding strength in one another. They’re all finding common ground together. They’re becoming the family that you’ve tried to create for them. You can’t have it both ways, Kathryn. If we’re a family, then we’re a family. The rules have changed. You’re just as much a member of that family as anybody else is. Whether or not you’re the captain, they’re still going to see you as someone that they love and care about. They’re still going to want to protect you. It’s already happened. Look at what’s happening right now, Kathryn. You told them to leave us and continue their course. They could have been that much closer to home, but they’ve spent all this time searching for a cure instead so they didn’t have to leave us behind. We’re part of the family.” 

“Are you happy about this?” Kathryn asked. “Returning to Voyager?”

Chakotay couldn’t tell from her expression if she was happy or not, so he couldn’t match his response to simply mirror what she was feeling. 

“I believe this is going to be the best thing for you,” Chakotay said. “I believe you would have gotten bored here eventually. You would have wanted more. You would have seen the whole planet and longed for more to explore and to learn. I believe you would have always wondered about getting back to Earth and you would have wondered about Voyager. You would have worried about the crew and what became of them. On the ship, you’ll have the doctor to help you with this pregnancy. There’s so much more technology there. But, Kathryn, I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t worried that you’ll get hurt. There’s so much more to protect you from in space than there is here. There’s so much more that’s unknown and insecure there. So, naturally, I’m worried that you’ll get hurt and something will happen. I’d be lying, too, if I said that I won’t miss our life together here. It’s been some of the best time of my life, Kathryn. I’m afraid of what’s coming next. I’m a little worried about going back to being Captain and Commander. I’m worried about what that means for us. I don’t want to lose you, Kathryn. I don’t think that I could bear it. Not after this. Not after I know what really having you feels like. I don’t want to lose us.” 

Kathryn’s eyes were filled with tears as she leaned against his shoulder and hugged his arm. With just a glance at her, Chakotay could see them glittering with the light in their shelter. 

“We’re just Captain and Commander on the bridge,” Kathryn assured him. “Just on the bridge. So the crew doesn’t feel uncomfortable. We’ll have to be careful not to show too much attention to each other. We’ll have to balance things. I don’t want the crew to resent our relationship. But that’s on the bridge. It’s while we’re on duty. We won’t lose us, Chakotay. We’ll still be Kathryn and Chakotay in private. We’ll hold onto us. But—Chakotay?” 

“What?” He asked when Kathryn got quiet. When she sniffed and rubbed her face against his arm, Chakotay moved his arm to pull her against him. She rested, then, with her head against him. As she always seemed to do, she fit perfectly next to him like she was made to simply fit into the space beside him.

“I already miss our home,” Kathryn said softly.

Chakotay swallowed, his throat tightening at the sound of her voice. 

“Me too,” he promised her. “But—let’s not be sad, OK? We’ve got each other and we’re taking our baby with us. We’re keeping the most important part of our life here with us. OK?” 

Kathryn rooted into him, trying to physically draw comfort from him. Chakotay moved away from her enough to tip her face up to look at him. With the palm of his hand, he wiped away the tears that were quietly running down her face. He kissed her lips and tasted the remnants of those tears shed. 

No matter how he might feel, he realized that, rather than express his own sadness about their leaving, it was far more important to give Kathryn the support that she needed. As she always did, she would get Chakotay through whatever was to come if he could simply offer her what she needed to gather up her strength and resolve. Chakotay mustered up the best smile he could give her and he held her eyes, trying not to let the fact that they were so full of tears chase away the smile he’d conjured for her benefit. 

“We keep everything important, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “We keep our love and we keep our baby. We keep everything that really matters. Right here. Between us. In our hearts. And when we get back to Voyager, we’ll just build a new home, Kathryn. This time with our family. That’s all. We’ll make Voyager our home again and we’ll bring with us all the most important parts of our life here.” He kissed her face again, kissing away the tears that slipped out of her eyes despite her clear efforts to hold them back. “Come on,” Chakotay said, “let’s get some rest. We’ll have a big day ahead of us tomorrow and you already know that we’ll be up bright and early. There’s no rest for either of us when our little one sounds the alarm before daybreak.”


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

It was asked how long they were on New Earth. I’ve figured that to be about 4 months. 

From here, I’ll be using some encounters/experiences/dialogue, etc. from the show, but I’ll also be taking a lot of creative liberties and adding a great deal of my own stuff. I ask for your patience (and your help) as I muddle my way through some things. I’m still very much “learning” with the show so I’m sure there will be some errors. Suspension of disbelief is requested and please do let me know if there’s something that I need to be aware of. 

It should also be noted that I’m not a doctor, scientist, or anything else like that, so I’m working with very little expertise here beyond Google. LOL

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Their final day on New Earth had been spent saying goodbye to the place that they’d come to regard as home. They bid farewell to Kathryn’s primate friend, made love in the unfinished house that they would never call home, wished Kathryn’s sprouts well, soaked one last time in the tub that had helped Chakotay first make clear his desire for Kathryn, and then they’d fallen asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms, in the bed where they had consummated their marriage. 

The cure had been beamed to them practically in the middle of the night and they’d administered it under the instruction that they would be beamed to the ship approximately four hours later when they could be sure that it was safe to leave the planet’s protective atmosphere.

The time of their “rescue” coincided perfectly with the time of day when Kathryn was most strongly feeling the effects of the baby that she intended to carry secretly onto the ship like some kind of smuggled souvenir brought back from an unexpected vacation. Chakotay helped her into her uniform, which still showed no real sign of her stowaway, and she did her best to conceal any and every feeling she might have as they were beamed directly to the sick bay.

The first moments back on the ship felt surreal to Chakotay. The place was familiar, but it felt quite foreign. He almost felt like he was in some sort of dream state. When Tuvok had briefed them over their communication line about everything they’d need to know about the past four months—which had been relatively little given that the crew had dedicated much of their time to procuring a cure for the virus—it had felt foreign to Chakotay as well. He was hearing things and he was seeing things, but they felt like they didn’t belong to him anymore. They belonged to a life that he’d let go of in a not-so-distant past that felt like it had happened decades ago.

For that reason, though they hadn’t used so many words, Tuvok and the doctor had both decided it was best for Tuvok to remain in command for the rest of the day. It would give Chakotay and Kathryn time to readjust before either of them was expected to perform their usual duties. 

While still on New Earth, Chakotay might have thought such a move was unnecessary, but finding that even the doctor’s smiling face stirred up a slightly uneasy feeling in his stomach, Chakotay decided it might have been a wise choice. 

They had needed a little time to get comfortable with their new life. Now they’d need a little time to get comfortable with their old life again.

“Captain. Commander.” The doctor said. “It’s good to have you back. Since you requested privacy, I’ve given Kes a break for the length of your examinations. Everyone is anxious to see you, but I suggested to them that you might need a little time to adjust after your experiences on an alien planet. They’re waiting for you to tell them when you’re ready to see them. But first—please, get up on the biobed.” 

The doctor waved at Chakotay to signal to him that he should be the first to get up on the biobed, but Chakotay shook his head at him. 

“Examine the captain first,” Chakotay insisted.

“I’d prefer you see to Chakotay first,” Kathryn interjected. She looked at him apologetically when Chakotay caught her eye. “We might have a bit more to talk about,” she added.

Chakotay accepted her reasoning and took his place to lie on the biobed. The doctor scanned him and, almost immediately, declared him healthy and virus free. 

“Are you anxious, Commander?” The doctor asked him. “Some of your vital readings are suggestive of a state of extreme anxiety. I can either conclude that this is a side effect, perhaps, of the medication that you’ve been administered, or that you are actually suffering from a state of anxiety.” 

Chakotay glanced at Kathryn. She was doing her best to hide it, but she was almost green. Chakotay could see the sheen of sweat on her skin. The movement of the ship was almost imperceptible when things were going smoothly, but it was clear that Kathryn was currently sensitive to every sort of movement. 

“I believe it’s best to say that I’m anxious,” Chakotay ceded. “I will feel better once you’ve examined the captain.”

“Very well,” the doctor said. “Captain? You can have a seat on the biobed.”

Kathryn changed places with Chakotay, but it was increasingly obvious that she was having a hard time holding back the contents of her stomach. She wanted to hide her suffering, but it simply wasn’t possible. 

“Captain, is there a problem?” The doctor asked. She stared at him and Chakotay assumed she was afraid that opening her mouth would be the last step toward losing control. 

“I believe the captain is nauseous,” Chakotay offered. “Readjusting to the movement of the ship.” 

“Can you lie back?” The doctor asked. “Perhaps the change in position will help your sudden development of motion sickness.”

The doctor seemed almost annoyed as Kathryn lie back. He scanned her, hummed over his readings, and walked away. When he returned from tinkering with his supplies, he pressed two hyposprays into Kathryn’s neck.

“That should help with the nausea,” he said. “The vitamins I’ll expect you to take daily. I’ll be happy to send cartridges of both to your quarters every evening to be administered in the morning.” He sighed. “While I appreciate your need for privacy, I am your medical provider and I’m going to require transparency from both of you.” 

“Of course, Doctor,” Kathryn said. Her color was returning to normal. She’d found her tongue again. Whatever the doctor had given her was already working.

“Did you encounter any other species on the planet?” The doctor asked.

“None except the local wildlife,” Chakotay offered.

“I see,” the doctor responded. “Part of my program is designed to help me diagnose illness. It also gives me the abilities of something like an amateur detective. I know that you were alone on this planet. I can see that the two of you are wearing matching rudimentary rings of the sort that typically symbolize some sort of union in human cultures. I can easily guess the cause of the captain’s newfound motion sickness after scanning her. Am I to deduce, then, Commander Chakotay, that the reason for your anxiety is your emotional proximity to the human fetus that I’m detecting when I scan the captain?” 

Chakotay nodded at him.

“There is a baby?” Kathryn asked, sitting up a little.

“You’re at eight weeks of gestation,” the doctor said. “The fetus is entirely human and free of any sign of the virus.” 

“It’s healthy?” Chakotay asked.

“Perfectly,” the doctor said. He moved one of the computer screens to face Kathryn and he scanned her once more, displaying the results. Chakotay moved to get a better view of the screen. His stomach flipped and his heart nearly stopped. It was one thing to believe that Kathryn was carrying his child. It was another entirely to see the undeniable proof.

“It’s moving,” Kathryn marveled. Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder and she reached her hand up absentmindedly to take hold of his. “I can’t feel it. But it’s moving.” 

“You’ll feel it eventually,” Chakotay assured her.

“Indeed you will,” the doctor confirmed. “Am I to assume, then, that this is a pregnancy you desire to carry to term?”

“Absolutely, Doctor,” Kathryn said quickly.

For the first time since his initial arrival greeting to them, the doctor smiled warmly. 

“Congratulations are in order then, to you both,” the doctor said. “Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” 

“Oh! Can we?” Kathryn asked. She sat up a little more like she was driven to be closer to the projection of their baby.

“Certainly,” the doctor said. 

Kathryn squeezed Chakotay’s hand the moment that the sound came clearly through the speakers for the two of them to hear. Chakotay’s throat tightened and he squeezed her hand back. 

“It’s very fast,” Chakotay said. 

“It’s normal for a fetus,” the doctor assured him.

“If it’s not a problem for you, Doctor, I think we’d both prefer that you used the term ‘baby,’” Chakotay requested. 

“Of course,” the doctor agreed. “As you wish. I offer my sincerest congratulations to you both. Am I also correct in assuming that congratulations are in order for some sort of union as well?” 

“Yes, Doctor,” Kathryn assured him, sitting up on the side of the biobed when the doctor switched off the monitor. “We married on the planet. We’d prefer it if you wouldn’t mention any of this, though, until we’ve had the chance to address the crew.” 

“I’m aware that humans have a certain affinity for announcing these kinds of things themselves. I assure you that privacy and discretion are part of my program. I am confident that the crew will be pleased with both pieces of news that you have to share with them. Morale has been low in your absence and the crew has really pulled together in the quest to find a cure that would return both of you to the ship.” 

“That’s what Tuvok was telling us when he briefed us earlier,” Chakotay said. “We weren’t planning on telling them about the baby right away, though. Kathryn wanted to wait.” 

“How long do I have before they’ll simply be able to tell?” Kathryn asked. 

“Lie back, please?” The doctor instructed. Kathryn did as she was told and Chakotay watched as the doctor prodded her abdomen with his fingers. “It’s impossible to make an exact prediction, but the proximity of your uterus to your pelvic bone suggests that it may be visible sooner rather than later. The changes will be subtle at first, however. You can sit up now.” The doctor regarded both of them. “I know that you didn’t ask for my advice, but given the role that both of you play on the ship, I would recommend that you simply go ahead and inform the crew of the pregnancy.” 

“There’s a human belief that it’s best not to share the news of the baby until the start of your second trimester,” Kathryn said. “Otherwise something might happen to the baby.” 

“I assure you that superstition is just that,” the doctor said. “You’re at an increased risk until that time, but it has nothing to do with sharing the news. If the pregnancy were to terminate, you would likely benefit from the support of the crew. As your doctor, I can promise you that I’ll do everything in my power, however, to keep that from happening. I’ll do everything I can to see that this baby is born healthy and at the correct time.”

“What do we need to do to help?” Chakotay asked.

They were interrupted by a growl issuing forth from Kathryn’s stomach that was loud enough that it almost seemed to echo around sick bay. She put her hand over her stomach and her cheeks blushed pink.

“I’m sorry,” she offered. 

Chakotay laughed to himself and the doctor looked pleased.

“I believe that’s your baby answering that question for me,” the doctor said. “Listen to your body, Captain. You need regular and nutritious meals. You need regular rest and you need to take in fluids. Avoid caffeine and try to minimize difficult and stressful situations since I know they’re impossible to avoid altogether in your positon. I’ll give you the vitamins to take in the morning and something for the morning sickness whenever you need it.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Kathryn said. 

“Do you have any further questions for me?” 

“Could you tell if the baby was a boy or a girl?” Chakotay asked.

“It will be several weeks before we can determine that. Anything else?” 

Since neither of them had any more immediate questions, they thanked the doctor and accepted his congratulations once more. Chakotay helped Kathryn off the biobed, even though she had no need for his help, and then he pressed his hand into the small of her back as they headed toward the doors of sick bay. The touch was as much for his comfort as it was for hers as they prepared to leave behind the somewhat private sanctuary of sick bay to face the crew that was waiting for them to call the first meeting since their return.

Chakotay was sure, though, that the crew was not at all expecting a report quite like the one they were about to receive.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay rushed Kathryn straight from sick bay to her ready room so quickly that he practically dragged her there. He wanted to avoid everyone for one minute. He wanted to hide from everyone for one minute. He explained as much to her when they were safely inside her ready room and she was questioning him about the reason they’d very nearly fled sick bay at a full run.

Chakotay covered her mouth with his own and was relieved when she returned the kiss instead of fighting him. He tasted her tongue and she sighed into his mouth before he finally released her. 

“I just wanted one minute,” he said. “Our baby is healthy and—I just wanted one minute, Kathryn, before I have to share you with everyone else. As soon as the news is out, I won’t be able to get to you for hours with everyone trying to welcome us back and congratulate us.” 

“I’m going to need more than a minute for us to talk about this, Chakotay,” Kathryn said with a smile. “There’s so much I need to ask you. Are you a father or a papa or a daddy? Do you want a boy or a girl? This is real, Chakotay. We’re supposed to tell everyone right now and we haven’t even decided how we’re going to do that.” 

“We have plenty of time to talk over the details of everything,” Chakotay said. “And I think it’s best if we just tell everyone. We just come right out with it and then it’s all done. We’ll make an announcement through the communication system that we’d like to invite everyone who would like to come and join us to meet at the mess hall. Anyone who doesn’t want to or can’t come can listen as we announce it. We’ll just say what we have to say.” He smiled at her. “We’ll feed the baby something because I can hear your stomach complaining, and we’ll spend some time there answering questions. Tuvok has command until the morning. I’ll move my things and we’ll spend the rest our day, together, getting settled into your quarters and making it our safe and private place to go home to every evening.” 

Kathryn smiled.

“The nicest thing you said was—a private place. A home to go home to. I want us to have that,” she said. 

“We will,” Chakotay assured her. “We’ll make it as comfortable as you’d like it to be. Something perfect for both of us.”

“All three of us,” Kathryn corrected.

Chakotay swallowed. He nodded at her with a smile to match her own.

“All three of us.”

“I love you,” Kathryn offered, gently touching her hand to his face. “I don’t want you to forget that. No matter how swept up we may get in things.” 

Chakotay caught her hand and wrapped it in his.

“I’ll never forget it. I love you too,” he promised. “For now, I think it’s time we go and meet with the crew before they get too restless and start searching for our whereabouts on the ship. It’s time to share our news. Are you ready?” 

Chakotay saw Kathryn swallow with a bit more effort than was usually necessary, but she hid her emotions behind her smile. She nodded her head gently.

“I’m nervous,” she admitted. “But I know I can handle it with you there.”

“I won’t leave your side,” Chakotay said, kissing her once more before he led her out of the room and prepared to share her with the crew that had been anxiously awaiting her return.

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They made the announcement as soon as they were outside of Kathryn’s ready room. They would meet everyone who wanted to be there in the mess hall. They’d open communication so that their announcement would be broadcasted to the entire ship and they’d remain in the mess hall for some time after to be available to anyone who wanted to come by and see them after they were off duty or had a moment of free time. 

Kathryn thought she’d underestimated the effect that their time on New Earth could have on them and how hard the transition back could be. The doctor had recommended that Tuvok maintain control of the ship for a day or two while they settled in and, though Kathryn had thought that really wasn’t necessary the first time she’d heard about it, now she was thinking it was sincerely for the best. 

She felt dizzy. 

On their way to the mess hall, they’d run into Tom who had made a joke about how good both of them looked and how maybe everyone needed to get stranded on a planet for a few months. Then they’d run into Tuvok who rattled off a few pieces of information about their future plans to move forward just after parting with Tom.

Finally they’d entered the mess hall and they’d taken their place near the far wall so that everyone, gathered and waiting expectantly, could see them as they spoke. 

They were her crew. They were her friends. They were like family. They’d sacrificed months of progress on their trip home to have Chakotay and Kathryn with them. They were all smiles and happy to see them and they’d offered them a round of applause upon entering the mess hall simply for returning to the ship. The announcements were going to be kept simple. Kathryn had no reason to be nervous. She’d certainly delivered much more difficult messages to much more hostile audiences before.

Yet, standing up in front of the mess hall and facing the crew—their friends and honorary family—there was something stirring in Kathryn. She didn’t know if it was some after-shock of the virus, some side effect of the cure, or simply some residual sensation left over from the almost primitive feeling of having lived on New Earth with the absolute abandonment of believing it was her new life forever, but something was making Kathryn almost lightheaded when she took in all the faces that were looking at her with expectation. She was their captain again.

Still, despite the fact that it might take her more than the half hour she’d spent on board to feel fully back, Kathryn was their captain and she was going to do her best at that job, just as she’d always done. 

She put on her warmest smile and stood beside Chakotay, ready to debrief her crew on the greatest events of their life on New Earth and some of the greatest events of Kathryn’s life to date.

She touched her badge to open the communication line that she’d already told everyone to be prepared for. 

“I want to thank you all for meeting us here and for listening if you’re elsewhere on the ship,” Kathryn said. “I don’t want to keep you all too long, so I’ll try to keep this as quick as I can possibly make it. Commander Chakotay and I have to offer you our sincerest thanks for the sacrifices that you made to bring us back aboard Voyager. Choosing to spend your time searching for a cure instead of moving toward home was a very big sacrifice for all of you and we want you to know that it won’t be forgotten. Nevertheless, while we were on the planet, we came to think that we would spend our lives there. We had no way of knowing that you would come back instead of obeying my orders to move forward in your progress toward home. We named the planet New Earth, and while we were there, there were a few—developments—of which we have to make you aware.” Kathryn stopped and sucked in a breath. She felt Chakotay’s hand go to the small of her back. Just a brief touch was enough. “While we were on the planet, Commander Chakotay and I—we discovered that we had some...some very deep feelings for one another. We—decided to exchange vows. In short, we married on the planet.”

Kathryn didn’t expect the loud round of applause that burst forth from everyone. She jumped at the sound of it and then she laughed to herself when Tom, close to the front of the crowd, whistled at them and then interrupted.

“Kiss her!” Tom called out.

Chakotay shook his head and waved his hand. 

“We’re acting now as commander and captain,” Chakotay said.

“Kiss her!” Tom repeated. This time he got the supportive cheers of a few other crew members. “Kiss her or it doesn’t count! Marriage vows are void on Voyager if we don’t see the kiss!” 

Kathryn’s face almost felt like it was on fire. She was far too grown and mature to be embarrassed by such things, but she wasn’t too given to public displays of affection. Still, Chakotay steered her by her shoulders to face him.

“Just this once,” he said quietly, forgetting that the combadge would pick up his voice no matter how quiet he tried to be. He laughed when he heard himself.

“Come on!” Someone called out.

Kathryn nodded at him and Chakotay kissed her. She kissed him back gently and then broke the kiss with laughter when Chakotay surprised her by making his best attempt to dramatically tip her. He echoed her laughter and helped her stand back up. 

Kathryn ran her fingers under her eyes to wipe away the tears of laughter that were gathering there. 

“We promise—outside of that requested demonstration—that we’re going to do everything we can to keep our private life from interfering at all with our public life. On the bridge, we’ll remain the same people that you’ve always known us to be. We’ll do our best to keep the two aspects of our lives as separate as possible.” 

“Enough with the protocol,” Tom offered. “If you’re married, you’re married. It doesn’t matter where you are on the ship.” 

“You may not always feel that way,” Kathryn said. 

“We’ll navigate things going forward,” Chakotay offered. “We’ll see what everyone’s comfortable with. Maybe you could let us know what you think. You’re all invited to stay for a few moments afterward and speak to us.”

“The important thing is that—if anything makes anyone uncomfortable? We’re asking that you come to us immediately so that we can remedy the situation. We simply wanted to share the news of our marriage with you since you’re all our closest friends and you’re the people that we consider to be our family.”

They got another round of applause, but everyone stilled when Chakotay raised his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “We appreciate your applause and your enthusiasm. We do. And we appreciate your support, too, for our marriage. We’ve been worried about breaching protocol. I’m afraid that we’re not done making announcements yet, though, and this one is—it’s very serious.” 

Kathryn’s stomach turned and she didn’t know if it was because she was nervous about the announcement or because everyone seemed to interpret Chakotay’s words as something negative. Suddenly the whole mood of the room fell.

“This is very serious to us because—we’ve talked about Voyager really being a family ship now. We’re all in this together and we’re really making a family together. I think this experience has really made it clear that we’re really getting somewhere with that. But when we were on New Earth, we really thought that our lives had completely changed. We thought we were going to be there forever. We started to settle in. We knew that we had to make a new life.” Chakotay broke off and Kathryn had to drop her eyes away from him to keep her composure. He wanted to make the announcement and she would let him do it his way. He couldn’t keep from smiling, though, so Kathryn didn’t try to remain solemn for too long. “I guess we took the whole plan a little too seriously,” Chakotay teased. “We created a new life for ourselves on the planet’s surface and then—we created a new life to bring back here and share with all of you.” 

Kathryn looked at everyone when Chakotay paused. Most of them looked confused. They didn’t know whether to smile or be concerned. Some of them were clearly waiting for Chakotay to finish speaking. He only let them linger there, wrapped in uncertainty, for a moment before he continued. 

“We wanted to be sure before we made the announcement, so we went directly to sick bay,” Chakotay said. “The doctor tells us that our new life is approximately eight weeks in the making.” Everyone continued to stare. Chakotay laughed nervously and Kathryn felt her stomach tense up. She didn’t know if their silence was because they weren’t following what Chakotay was saying, because they couldn’t believe it, or because they simply disapproved so strongly of the child that she was carrying. Chakotay cleared his throat. “Voyager is getting another crew member,” he said. “In about—seven months.”

And Tom—bless him, sometimes—was the first to understand what was being said and to rally his crew members for another round of applause. 

“Neelix!” Tom called out. “Drinks for everyone except the captain! It’s not every day we’ve got a captain-commander marriage and a first-baby to celebrate!” 

Kathryn only realized she was holding her breath when she let it out. Relief flooded her chest when everyone, coming out of their surprise, cheered again. Chakotay looked relieved too, though there was still a good bit of insecurity on his features. He’d been worried, too, that they wouldn’t approve of the baby, even if he wouldn’t admit it. Kathryn nodded at him when she caught his eye. 

“We’re going to do our best to make sure that none of this changes anything on the ship,” Kathryn said. “At least not in any way that will inconvenience the crew. We’re still going home. I’m going to get you there somehow.” She smiled at everyone when they clapped for her statement. “We’re closing the communication line down now. We’ll be in the mess hall having breakfast and we’ll stay for some time. Please come by and celebrate with us. Let us know your concerns too. We’re here for you.” 

“Chakotay out,” Chakotay offered.

He dropped his hand and quickly squeezed Kathryn’s as discretely as he could.

“Janeway out,” Kathryn said. 

“Come on, Captain,” Chakotay said. “Let’s get some breakfast and talk with the crew.”


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Knowing they were hoping for breakfast, Neelix had reached Kathryn and Chakotay practically before they were able to move a half a step from where they’d been standing during their announcement. He affectionately hugged Kathryn while he offered them both his congratulations, and the he ushered them to a table. People were already preparing to offer their own well-wishes, but they let the Talaxian have his chance first, presumably because he was going to bring them food and Chakotay had no doubt that everyone in the mess hall had heard Kathryn’s stomach giving a speech of its own.

“What can I bring you, Captain?” Neelix asked. “I can whip up anything your heart desires.”

“It’s not necessary to go to any trouble, Neelix,” Kathryn said. “I can see we’re already putting you out since you’ve already served breakfast for everyone else.”

“It’s no bother, Captain,” Neelix said. “I assure you, the mess hall is open whenever you might decide that you need a little something. What can I get you for breakfast?” 

Kathryn considered it for a brief moment. 

“Just toast. Scrambled eggs,” Kathryn said.

“Certainly,” Neelix said. “Anything else? I made a lovely breakfast casserole for the crew today.” 

“A little of that too,” Chakotay said. “And I’ll have the same.” 

Neelix was always pleased when someone requested his concoctions, even if they later declared themselves simply too full to hardly touch what was on their plates. 

“And coffee?” Kathryn requested from Chakotay. “I can get it,” she said immediately and somewhat apologetically. Surrounded by people it was clear that it had only just become apparent to her that she’d gotten so used to Chakotay bringing her the first meal of the day that she practically expected it. Chakotay enjoyed having the job, though. It was one of the few things that Kathryn actually allowed him to do for her and it felt like one of the only ways he could do something active to provide for her and the baby.

Chakotay patted Kathryn’s shoulder. 

“Please. Let me. Black?”

“With cream?” Kathryn requested. “Today, at least.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. Kathryn had never been someone that was entirely predictable, but she was even less predictable now, especially with regard to what she might want to eat or drink. She usually took her coffee black, but as of late it was simply better to ask her before assuming he knew what she wanted. He’d pointed it out to her and she wasn’t denying the truth to his statements.

Chakotay had barely started toward the replicator when Neelix stopped him.

“Commander,” Neelix said, clearly a touch flustered.

“What is it, Neelix?” Chakotay pressed when Neelix hesitated. 

“With all due respect,” Neelix said, “but I remember from Ensign Wildman’s diet card that the doctor specifically said no caffeine while she was expecting Naomi.” 

Chakotay laughed. He leaned in toward Neelix, resting his hand on Neelix’s shoulder. He lowered his voice so that it wouldn’t carry.

“And that’s why I never let her get her own coffee,” Chakotay said. “I have been giving her decaf since I first suspected. She doesn’t even notice any difference anymore.” 

Neelix looked pleased.

“That’s a wonderful idea, Commander,” he said. “If you’re not available, you can count on me to replicate the captain’s coffee whenever possible.”

“I appreciate that,” Chakotay said, “but let’s keep this between us.”

“Absolutely, Commander,” Neelix agreed. “I’ll be right back. I’ll go whip up a nice breakfast for both of you.” 

Chakotay made his request at the replicator, took the provided cup of coffee, and started back toward the table before his crew members began to close in around him. It was Tom who stopped him first. Tom offered him a rough slap on the back and then an affectionate squeeze of his arm. If he hadn’t been prepared for it, Chakotay might have dropped the coffee he was carrying.

Tom smirked at him.

“Married to the captain,” he mused. “How long were you on the planet before you convinced her we were never coming back for you and she had a responsibility to marry you and to save the species?” 

Chakotay laughed. Tom wanted to give him a hard time and he’d accept it. After all, Tom had very nearly saved him from choking just a few moments before. 

“It took a little time,” Chakotay said. “But it doesn’t matter how long it takes. If you want something badly enough, you persevere.” 

Tom laughed, clearly happy that Chakotay had simply played along rather than shutting down his joke. 

“Being honest,” Tom said, “I just wanted to say congratulations.” 

“Thank you,” Chakotay said. “Make sure you tell the captain.” 

“Yeah, I did,” Tom said. “I think it’s great. Like you said, Voyager’s a family ship. We’ve even discussed the benefits of having a new generation on board. Especially so Naomi Wildman doesn’t have to grow up entirely alone. What better way to show our dedication to the project than to have our very own first officer and captain add to the ranks?” 

“That wasn’t exactly our intention,” Chakotay said, “but it’s not a terrible way to paint what happened.”

“The captain seems about the happiest I’ve seen her since we ended up in the Delta Quadrant,” Tom said. “All jokes aside, I’m happy to see that.”

“We’ll just hope it lasts,” Chakotay said. He lifted up the cup of coffee. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to give her something to help her stay just as content as she can possibly be.” 

Tom slapped him on the back again with another congratulations and Chakotay made a bee line for the table. He put the mug down in front of Kathryn and she looked at him like she was surprised to see him there before she smiled at him.

“Thank you,” she said. 

“It’s had time to cool,” Chakotay said, taking his seat at the table.

Neelix was right behind him with two plates. Chakotay sat back to allow Neelix room to put the plates on the table and then Neelix took one of the napkins that he’d brought, unfolded it, and tucked it into the neck of Kathryn’s uniform with only a slight bit of ceremony behind his actions. She looked quickly in Chakotay’s direction, her eyes a little wide with question, but Chakotay simply shrugged at her and smiled. 

She was going to have to get used to being treated at least a little bit differently. Chakotay was sure of that. Everyone had fawned over Samantha Wildman when she’d been pregnant and she wasn’t even their captain. People were going to feel, in some ways, like this baby belonged to them. 

“Bon appetite, Captain,” Neelix said. “Commander. Let me know if there’s anything else I can get you. B’Elanna, coffee?” 

“No, Neelix,” B’Elanna said, clearly a little bit annoyed that whatever she’d been saying had been interrupted. “Thank you,” she added, evidently realizing that her tone was a little harsher than she’d intended. 

“Go ahead, B’Elanna,” Kathryn urged. “I can eat and listen at the same time.” 

“The planet would mean a detour of ten or twelve days from our path,” B’Elanna said. “But it could mean an unimaginable wealth of technology that perhaps we’re not even aware of yet.” 

Chakotay looked at Kathryn and raised his eyebrows.

“Neelix told B’Elanna that there’s a planet that lies—well, you heard her—some ten or twelve days’ travel from our path. The aliens that inhabit the planet are apparently in possession of some pretty incredible technology.” 

“Even if they don’t have anything we haven’t seen before,” B’Elanna said, “it could give us the chance to pick up replacements and parts to repair some of our damaged equipment.” 

“Tuvok suggested that ten or twelve days might be too much deviance from the course,” Kathryn said. “B’Elanna has come to make her appeal.” 

“And to offer my congratulations,” B’Elanna added quickly. “I’d already spoken to the captain. Congratulations to you, too, Commander. I’m sure you’re both very excited. We’re all excited.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“But your primary interest in the moment is getting the word on whether or not we’ll go out seeking new technology,” Chakotay said.

“I think ten or twelve days is hardly worth mentioning,” Kathryn said. “After the time that they’ve spent looking for a cure to bring us back to Voyager? Ten days won’t make much of a difference. Besides—if there’s a chance that these aliens have technology that we can’t even imagine, who’s to say that they might not have something to speed up our trip?” 

“That’s exactly what I said to Tuvok,” B’Elanna said. “We can’t pass this close to the planet and not see what they have.” 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and he could practically read her thoughts. She was asking his opinion without using the words.

“Ask Neelix to gather all the information he knows about the planet,” Chakotay said. “We’ll plan the route.” 

B’Elanna stood up. 

“Thank you!” She said. “And congratulations. I really did mean that, even if it sounded like I didn’t.” 

Chakotay caught her by the arm as she started to walk off and she paused. 

“Just out of curiosity,” Chakotay said, “do you think our relationship is going to be something that bothers anyone?” 

B’Elanna smiled at him and looked at Kathryn. She shook her head. 

“I think that you might find people are less surprised by it than you think,” B’Elanna said. “Excuse me. I’ve got a few things to take care of.” 

She excused herself without explaining what she’d said. 

Chakotay looked at Kathryn. She was watching him with a half-smile on her face.

“What do you suppose she meant by that?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay smiled to himself and shook his head. He tapped the table next to Kathryn’s plate before he returned to his own breakfast.

“Eat your breakfast,” Chakotay said. “We put an end to your meal skipping on New Earth and we’re not going to start it back up again just because we’ve returned to Voyager.” He tasted his own food to somewhat push Kathryn in the direction of eating hers. “I guess she means that people might have thought it was likely that we’d end up together.”

“You mean on the planet,” Kathryn said. “When they left us.” 

“Something like that,” Chakotay said. 

“What do you think about the planet that B’Elanna mentioned?” Kathryn asked.

“If they’ve got technology that we can use,” Chakotay said, “then I’m all for paying them a visit. It can’t hurt to see what they have. I’d like to talk to Neelix about it, though, before we make any final decisions on how we want to handle things.” 

“But you don’t mind the detour,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s like you said,” Chakotay responded, “after the time they spent looking for a cure for us, we can’t really deny the crew ten or twelve days when it might increase the quality of our lives on the ship and, possibly, speed up our trip home.” 

Kathryn looked satisfied enough with Chakotay’s answer. No matter what he’d said, he knew that she’d made up her mind. Once her mind was made up, it would take some pretty strong evidence to get her to change it. He saw nothing wrong with the proposal, though, and assumed that Tuvok’s only hesitation to go on the mission would be the knowledge that they had, in fact, lost so much time already. Still, seventy five years was a long time. Ten or twelve days really wouldn’t make that much difference in the long run.

While they were eating, a few more people came by to offer pats on the back, squeezes of shoulders, and hugs. They all gave congratulations and smiles in abundance. A few of them offered words of reassurance over the fact that, these days, protocol seemed to matter very little—especially in matters of the heart. 

Slowly, though, the mess hall started to clear out. People went back to work and back to their leisure activities. A few trickled in, here or there, to offer their congratulations, but the traffic had practically stopped.

After it was all said and done, and he was confident that the rush had stopped, Chakotay thought it was best that they finally start moving on with their day. Otherwise, if they stayed there too much longer, they’d be at the same table for lunch where they’d eaten breakfast—all without having moved at all.

“How many people congratulated you?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn smiled softly.

“Too many to count,” she said. 

“Nobody said anything negative,” Chakotay said. 

“There’s still time,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “Let the novelty wear off a bit and the grumbling is bound to begin.” 

“It won’t bother me even then,” Chakotay asserted.

“We have to be respectful,” Kathryn said. “We have to be—we have to try to keep things professional.” 

“On the bridge,” Chakotay said with a nod of his head. “On duty. But not in the mess hall or on the holodecks. Not in our private quarters. We have discussed it and we don’t expect it from the crew, so they shouldn’t expect it from us. Voyager is our home. We’ve all got to have a certain amount of relaxation on a ship that we’re going to call home for the next seventy years or more.” Kathryn nodded her agreement, even though she seemed a little unsure of the whole situation. There was plenty of time, though, to figure out exactly how things would work on Voyager in the long run. They didn’t have to solve every problem before lunch or, for that matter, even before dinner. “Speaking of our private life,” Chakotay said. “What do you say we head back to your quarters? You can make some room for me there and I’ll bring my things from my quarters. Does that sound alright to you?” 

Kathryn smiled a little more sincerely then.

“I don’t know where I’m going to find the room,” she said with a sigh.

“I can stay in my quarters,” Chakotay offered. “But...” He hesitated and leaned forward so that nobody—not even Neelix who was wandering around cleaning up the mess hall around them—could overhear what he said. “They’re pretty far away from someone who says she can’t sleep if she isn’t touching me.” 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“I’ll find the room,” she assured him, getting up and starting out of the mess hall so that he had no choice but to hurry to keep up with her.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Harry was standing there looking not entirely unlike he’d gotten his foot caught in a bear trap. He’d offered to help Chakotay move his possessions to speed up the process. They’d made several trips between Chakotay’s old quarters and Kathryn’s quarters before everything was moved. Harry told Chakotay about what had happened in their absence—which truly wasn’t a great deal since they hadn’t gone far enough to enter any space that was unknown to them—and he’d offered a few more words about how pleased he was that they were both back on the ship and that they had so much wonderful news to share. 

He hadn’t frozen with his current bear-trap expression until Chakotay had informed him that they’d brought the last of his things. Kathryn, who was rearranging everything she owned, stopped her work then to thank Harry for his help. It was only at that moment that Harry seemed to realize that he was in the captain’s quarters and, perhaps, that he’d moved Chakotay’s things there so that they could do the same private things in those rooms that had allowed them to come back from New Earth with the announcement to be made of their expected little one.

“Thank you, Harry,” Chakotay offered again. He wasn’t exactly sure how to get Harry out of his self-inflicted bear trap and out of the room. “I appreciate the help.” 

“Sure,” Harry stammered out. “Sure. Any time. Not—not that you’ll need to move again but...”

“Thank you, Harry,” Kathryn interrupted. “You really sped up the process. I’m sure we’ll see you at dinner.” 

Whether it was Kathryn’s tone of voice or the words she chose, she managed to do exactly what Chakotay wasn’t sure he knew how to do. Harry seemed to come out of his stupor. 

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll see you at dinner, Captain. If you need anything else, I’m off duty. Just let me know.” 

They assured him that they’d take him up on that offer if they needed his assistance and then he saw himself out of their quarters. As soon as he was gone and they were left alone, Chakotay closed the distance between himself and Kathryn to steal a quick embrace. 

“I think seeing all of my things in your quarters shocked Harry into realizing that we were telling the truth.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Delayed belief,” Kathryn said. “It’s possible we’ll see a lot of that on the ship. It will all start sinking for everyone and then there will be some reactions. It hasn’t even sunk in for me yet, I don’t believe.”

“That we’re married?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“That’s very well sunk in,” Kathryn assured him. “I mean the baby. I don’t think I ever really let myself believe it. Not entirely. But hearing the heartbeat and seeing that—that shape move around that I knew was...well it doesn’t look much like a baby.” 

“But it will,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn nodded her head.

“It will,” she agreed. “I guess that seeing it and hearing the heartbeat was the first time that I really just took in the fact that it’s real.” 

Chakotay kissed her forehead, keeping his lips pressed against her soft skin for a moment. 

“It’s real,” he said. “But I’ll admit that, even though I believed you were pregnant, it was certainly a different feeling to see the actual proof. I haven’t come down from it entirely. And when I made the announcement and nobody even moved?” 

Kathryn laughed. 

“I couldn’t tell if they didn’t understand or they didn’t approve,” she admitted. “I wanted to help you, but I wasn’t sure how. I thought you might get upset if nobody said anything soon. I almost wanted to promote Tom on the spot for finally figuring it out.” 

“In that moment, I would have supported your decision,” Chakotay teased. “Come on—let’s get everything arranged the way you’d like it. I know you well enough that you won’t want to start back with your duties while things are out of order and Tuvok won’t hold command forever.” 

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Kathryn had woken early as she often did, but Chakotay had practically been lying awake to administer the hyposprays the moment she stirred. She’d protested, wanting to get up and at least feel like she was somewhat fighting against the feeling that seemed to possess her body each day, but he’d practically held her down. He’d insisted that she simply stay with him and lie still. It hadn’t been a bad idea. Whatever she’d been given by the doctor took very little time to take effect. She’d drifted back off to sleep in Chakotay’s arms to actually finish out a full night’s sleep for the first time in weeks. When she woke again it was because it was time for her to rise and start to prepare herself for breakfast and the first day back on the bridge.

Chakotay slept in while she started her morning routine and he showered while she was finishing getting ready. Even though he started getting ready after her, he was still dressed before her. He watched her from his seat on the bed while she put on her shoes and slipped into her jacket. She couldn’t help but smile at his focused attention.

“You know, some people might feel uncomfortable to have someone watching them so intently,” Kathryn said. 

“But not you,” Chakotay said.

“Only because it’s you.” 

“I was just thinking how beautiful you look,” Chakotay said. “I’ve thought it a thousand times a day since we met. I just couldn’t say it.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Get it out of your system in here,” she said. “Because once we’re on the bridge...”

“I know the rules,” Chakotay teased. “Are you ready to go out there?” 

Kathryn looked at herself once more in the mirror to make sure she was as well put-together as she could be. 

“You know—after I got used to life on New Earth, I have to admit that I had my doubts about coming back,” Kathryn said. “I wondered if I could slip back into it. I wondered if I even wanted to. But now that we’re back? I feel like I’m ready to get back out there.”

“Then let’s go,” Chakotay said. “Breakfast first. Doctor’s orders.” 

Kathryn laughed and nodded.

“I know,” she said. “That’s why we’re up with enough time to allow for it.”

Chakotay offered her a kiss and Kathryn gladly accepted it. He walked, his hand on the small of her back, with her to the door and he remained in that position for their trip down the corridor. As soon as they got to the mess hall, he dropped his hand away from her back and waved her toward one of the tables. 

“I’ll get your coffee,” he said. “How would you like it?” 

“Black,” Kathryn said. “What do you want for breakfast? I’ll let Neelix know.” 

“Whatever you’re having,” Chakotay said. “Surprise me.”

Kathryn wasn’t usually in the mess hall for breakfast. She tended to skip breakfast when she’d been on Voyager. Either she used that time for the sleep that she didn’t get at night because she was working, or she used that time for more work. New Earth had changed her rhythm and her way of life, though. She could hardly imagine, now, skipping the meal that she’d come to think of as a comforting marker that her day was about to begin. She was pretty sure that the doctor would harass her if she were to start skipping meals again now, and she was certain that Chakotay wouldn’t stand for it either. Luckily, however, she wasn’t really hoping to readopt her old habits. She had come to enjoy breakfast and that was a part of her routine that she wanted to keep.

“Captain! How are you and the little one this morning?” Neelix asked.

Kathryn chuckled to herself. Maybe Neelix wouldn’t allow her to skip breakfast either. 

“I don’t know about anyone but myself,” Kathryn said, “but I’m doing well. I’m starving.” 

“I’m making omelets,” Neelix said. “Made to order. Or I could make you something else...if you like.”

Kathryn peered at the bowls that Neelix gestured to with various ingredients in them. She could identify nearly everything that was present there. 

“What’s that?” She asked, pointing to a bowl.

“Those are Benjorian mushrooms,” Neelix said. “Fresh from our airponics bay. They’re very good. They have a woody flavor.”

“Is that Leola root?” Kathryn asked. The food seemed to haunt them all. Neelix beamed at the mention of his prized food source.

“That it is, Captain!” He declared proudly.

“I’ll take an omelet with everything except the Leola root,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s very good for you, Captain,” Neelix insisted.

“I’ll be fine without it,” Kathryn assured him. “I don’t want to find any Leola root in my omelet. That’s an order. And I promise you that—right now? I can smell it a mile away, Neelix.” 

Neelix laughed and nodded his head. 

“Fine, Captain,” he said. “Have a seat and I’ll bring your plate when it’s done.” 

“And the same for Commander Chakotay,” Kathryn added. 

“Aye aye, Captain,” Neelix responded.

Kathryn found Chakotay easily. There were very few people in the mess hall and he was sitting at a table alone, reading from his PADD, while he sipped a cup of tea that he’d apparently replicated for himself while getting Kathryn’s coffee. Kathryn walked over and sat down across from him. Chakotay smiled at her and put down his PADD before pushing her coffee in her direction. 

Kathryn looked around her at the almost empty mess hall while she savored the first taste of coffee.

“Are we early or late?” She asked. 

“I forget that you never bothered to find out who came to breakfast,” Chakotay said. “We’re early. Very early. Most of the people eating right now are coming off of night duties. By the time we’re leaving, everyone else will start to come in. What did you order me for breakfast?” 

“An omelet,” Kathryn said. “Everything but Leola root.”

“Good call,” Chakotay said.

“I didn’t think my stomach could handle it,” Kathryn said.

“Still feeling ill?” Chakotay asked, furrowing his brow. 

“No,” Kathryn said. “But I thought that might change if I tried to eat Leola root at this hour. I’m not sure any stomach can handle it.” She gestured toward his PADD. “What are you reading? Did we get something from Tuvok?” 

Chakotay didn’t have time to answer her before Neelix came with their plates. Kathryn sat back to allow him to put the plate down, but she intercepted his hand before he could tuck her napkin into the neck of her uniform. She caught the napkin and somewhat held Neelix’s hand as she did so to make sure that he understood her intention wasn’t to scold him. 

“Thank you, Neelix,” Kathryn said. “But—I can handle it from here.” 

“Certainly, Captain. Commander. My apologies.” 

“No apologies needed,” Kathryn said. “This smells...wonderful.” 

The white lie made Neelix smile and it clearly removed some of the sting that he felt from Kathryn stopping him from performing something he seemed to think was one of his duties. He left looking pleased instead of crushed, so Kathryn was glad that she’d chosen to praise the food for qualities it didn’t really possess. 

“Is your nose working OK?” Chakotay asked, leaning across the table to close the distance between them. 

“Actually, it’s a little stuffy,” Kathryn responded. 

“It would have to be,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “I mean—this isn’t the worst smelling thing I’ve ever seen come out of here but it’s certainly not the best.”

“It’s the best we’ve got,” Kathryn said. “So bon appetite. What are you reading?” 

Chakotay offered her the PADD to have a look. 

“Nothing related to Voyager. Just some personal reading that I downloaded,” Chakotay said. “A few books and some articles to keep me busy.” 

Kathryn scanned her eyes over the words he’d been reading. 

“What is this?” She asked. She offered the device back to him and Chakotay rested it on the table beside him. He leaned forward slightly. 

“Just some books about you,” he said. “Or—about what you might be experiencing. About the baby. A little light reading.” 

“You’re reading books about pregnancy?” Kathryn asked. She smirked at him and, for the first time in quite a while, she saw some change in the color of Chakotay’s cheeks.

“Do you have a problem with what I choose to read in my private time?” Chakotay asked, raising his eyebrows at her in challenge.

“Not at all,” Kathryn said. “In fact, I think—it’s a very nice gesture. I suppose it’s a lot more quality than some of the things I download to read when I don’t want to think about work anymore.” 

They were interrupted by Tuvok’s voice. 

“Commander Chakotay, this is Lieutenant Tuvok.”

“Go ahead, Tuvok,” Chakotay said, touching his combadge. 

“Commander, you might want to report to the bridge,” Tuvok said. “We’ve received a message transmitted from an unidentified location. The content of the message, however, may be of particular interest to you. I would recommend that you come as soon as possible.”

Kathryn caught Chakotay’s eye and nodded her head. She quickly stuffed another bite of food in her mouth and washed it down with some of the coffee.

“I’m on my way with the captain,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn stood the moment that Chakotay did. 

“You can stay here,” Chakotay protested. “Finish breakfast. I’ll let you know if it’s anything to be concerned about. Tuvok wasn’t concerned enough to call you.”

“He probably thought we’d be together,” Kathryn said. “And that only means that it’s more important that you be there, not that I’m not needed. Besides—you can’t expect me to sit here and eat while I wonder what’s going on.”

Chakotay sighed.

“No, I can’t,” he said. “Just promise me you’ll eat lunch later.” 

“I promise I’ll eat lunch when I can,” Kathryn responded, following Chakotay out of the mess hall and down the corridor. “Right now I’m far more interested in this mystery transmission.”


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Here is another chapter.

I won’t be following the episode exactly here, but I’ll be borrowing a great deal from it. All the plot lines, characters, and dialogue that I borrow from the show do not belong to me and I’m only using them for entertainment value.

I hope that you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn watched the screen as the message began—a message that was hastily and poorly recorded. It was Seska, and the sight of the baby in her arms made Kathryn’s stomach clench almost as violently as the words that stuck with her the most from the transmission. They were probably the words that would most likely stay with everyone on the bridge. 

“Chakotay’s son.”

Seska was in trouble with Maje Cullah for having given birth to a child that wasn’t his and now she was calling out for Chakotay to come to the aid of his son before the Maje made the child a slave. 

When Kathryn looked at Chakotay, she had no problem distinguishing the look of surprise and hurt on his features. 

“Can you find the source?” Kathryn asked to anyone who would give her an answer.

“It appears to be a buoy,” Tuvok said.

“We can’t tell much about it from this distance,” Harry chimed in, “but it’s a Kazon signal.” 

“We’re moving away from the source,” Tuvok added.

“Good,” Chakotay said. “Let’s hold our course.” 

“Captain?” Tom asked, apparently seeking confirmation about whether or not he should follow Chakotay’s orders.

“Hold our course,” Kathryn said. “Slow the engines for the time being. Commander, may I have a word with you in my ready room? Lieutenant Tuvok, you’ve got the bridge.” 

Even though he was just behind her, Kathryn didn’t speak to Chakotay until they were in her ready room and, even once they were in private, she didn’t push him to speak. She gave him the time that he needed to decide that he was ready to have this conversation.

“This child is not my responsibility, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “You know what she did. I didn’t make this child with her. She has no right to expect me to do anything.”

“But she knows you,” Kathryn said. She shook her head at him. “If he’s your son, she knew you would be affected by him no matter how he was conceived. She knew how you would react when you saw your son in danger. She knew you’d come to his aid.”

“She was wrong,” Chakotay said. “That child is not my responsibility. He might not even be my son. I have a duty to this crew, Kathryn. I have a duty to this ship. I have—I have a duty to you. To the child that you’re carrying. I know that’s my child.” He shook his head. “I can’t just leave the ship, and you, to go chasing after Kazons.”

“I wouldn’t let you leave,” Kathryn said.

She almost laughed at the quick change in Chakotay’s expression. It started as satisfaction that she was agreeing with him and then it almost morphed into frustration that she would put some sort of limitation on what he might choose to do.

“I wouldn’t let you go alone,” Kathryn quickly added to put an end to his concern that she might be trying to control him. “None of us would. The crew wouldn’t either. If we do this, we do it together. Seska would know that, too.” 

Chakotay sighed. 

He could declare that he’d made up his mind about what he wanted to do, but Kathryn knew that he hadn’t. He couldn’t. Not in the amount of time that he’d had to think about things. He was surprised by the message and now it needed time to sink in for him. This wasn’t the kind of decision that he could make in the spur of the moment and Kathryn could see that. 

“Do you think it’s a trap?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out as she considered Chakotay’s question.

“Do I think Seska is capable of manipulating you—and me, by extension—with this? Oh, yes,” Kathryn said. “But we’ll have no way of knowing for sure unless we follow the signal. Chakotay—we’re behind you. The whole crew will be behind you. Whatever you choose, we’re all going to respect it.” 

“It was time for her to deliver,” Chakotay said. “The baby did look part Cardassian and part human.” 

“It did,” Kathryn agreed. “Chakotay—I want you to take your time and I want you to think about this. We don’t have to move forward too quickly right now. We can linger for just a little while without getting too far away. You decide how you want to handle this. It has to be your decision. We’ll stand behind you. All of us. I promise you that.” 

Kathryn could see it was weighing heavy on Chakotay. She crossed the short distance that separated them and wrapped her arms around him. He returned the embrace and she felt the rise and fall of his chest as he sighed from the slight bit of comfort that holding her seemed to give him.

“I think I’m going to go to our quarters,” Chakotay said. “I need to speak to the spirits. I need to seek some guidance.” 

Kathryn squeezed him.

“Take your time,” she said. “I’ve got the bridge.” 

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Chakotay settled down and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the task in front of him. He tried to block out all the noise in his mind so that he could hear what he was truly seeking to hear. 

“A-koo-chee-moya,” he said. “We are far from the sacred places of our grandfathers. We are far from the bones of our people. But I ask, on this day of sorrow and uncertainty, that the wisdom of my father find me and help me understand my dilemma. Speak to me, father. Speak to me in my dreams.” 

“I have never seen you so troubled, Chakotay.”

The transition into his vision state was always a relaxing change to Chakotay. Often he left behind all his stress in the corporeal world when he entered a vision state. This time, though, he could feel his body buzzing with tension and uneasiness. It had come with him. It had him so knotted up inside that he couldn’t even truly feel the impact of pleasure that seeing his father should bring him. 

“Father,” Chakotay said. “I have a son, father.” 

His father looked a little surprised. 

“A son? This is the cause of your despair?” Kolopak asked.

Chakotay nodded his head, his stomach knotting. 

“Was he born with two arms and two legs and a heart that beats?” Kolopak asked. 

“Yes, father,” Chakotay said.

“Then this is a cause for celebration,” his father responded. “You will make a fine father, Chakotay.”

“It’s not that simple, father,” Chakotay said. 

“I don’t understand how it can be that complicated,” Kolopak responded. 

“The child—I wasn’t involved in his creation,” Chakotay said. “It wasn’t my choice that he should be born.” 

“Forgive me, Chakotay,” Kolopak said. “It’s been a while, but from what I remember, I had a certain role to play for your mother to conceive you.” 

“The child’s mother betrayed me,” Chakotay said. “Then she stole my DNA and impregnated herself, father. I wasn’t involved. I had no part in the conception of this child.” 

“I see,” Kolopak responded. “You must accept the child into your heart. Only then will you come to peace with this.” 

“How can I accept it into my heart, father? After its mother’s deception?” 

“The child knows nothing of deception. He is innocent. Chakotay—many of our women were once violated by white men generations ago. They bore their children and they raised them. Many of us have ancestors who were born of that violation and violence. The women didn’t hold against their children the sins of their fathers. Are you more important, then, than they are, Chakotay? That you cannot forgive your child the sins of his mother?”

“No, father,” Chakotay said, even though his chest ached at the thought of trying to care for a child that belonged to Seska. 

“You know what you have to do, then,” Kolopak said. “You must accept the child into your heart and you must do what you can for him. It is your responsibility.” 

“There’s more, father,” Chakotay said. “I have taken a wife, father. A wonderful woman whom I love very much.”

“Happy news, Chakotay,” Kolopak said. “Will she support you and your responsibility to this child?” 

“She supports me in everything,” Chakotay said. “But—she’s carrying a child. It’s our child. It was made out of our love, father. If I try to save the child born to me of the other woman, I’ll be taking my crew into dangerous territory. Perhaps it will even lead to battle with our enemies. If that happens, father, I’ll be taking my wife and our unborn child into battle as well. I’ll be risking their lives to try to save the life of this child.”

“This child is part of you, Chakotay,” Kolopak said. “He’s one of our people. If he’s in danger, you have a responsibility toward him.” 

“What about the responsibility that I have to my crew, father? To my wife and our unborn child? What about my responsibility to them?” Chakotay asked.

“Perhaps this is something that you must do alone,” Kolopak offered.

“She’d never let me,” Chakotay said. “Kathryn. My wife. My captain. She’d never let me do it alone. The crew wouldn’t let me take a shuttle and go on my own. If I go after this child, we’re all going after him.” 

“Then it sounds like you have your answer,” Kolopak said. “They’ll go with you because they choose to go with you, not because you force them to go. There are worse things than loyalty, Chakotay.” 

“How do I reconcile my feelings, father?” Chakotay asked. “If I go after this child and something happens to Kathryn? To the child she’s carrying? How do I live with myself and my decision after that? Knowing that I sacrificed two lives that I love so much for...”

“The first thing you must do, Chakotay, is make peace with your son. You must accept him into your heart. Then you must make peace with the fact that everything will happen as it is meant to happen. Can you hold the value of a child that hasn’t yet come-to-be above that of a child that lives and breathes?” Kolopak responded. 

Chakotay’s stomach churned. The answer was simply that he could hold the value of one child above another—and maybe it was the wrong child that he valued more. He understood the reasoning behind what his father was saying. The baby that Kathryn carried might never come-to-be. There could be any number of reasons that it never saw life outside her body. The baby that was delivered into the world already knew life outside his mother’s womb. Logically, it was easy to see which life was more valuable. But Chakotay wasn’t feeling very much like a Vulcan at the moment. In fact, he felt like he was drowning in his emotions. He was finding it difficult to breathe.

“I don’t want to trade one life for another, father,” Chakotay said, swallowing back against the pain in his chest and throat.

“Then you must do your best to make sure that it doesn’t come to that,” Kolopak responded. “You know what you have to do Chakotay. The spirits will watch over you and guide you. I will watch over you and guide you as I always have. You will be an excellent father, Chakotay. I know that. This is simply where that part of your journey begins.” 

Chakotay meant to say more to his father. He meant to ask him more and to argue, perhaps, about what he knew he must do. The vision ended, though, abruptly. The spirits broke their communication with him and his father left him with his final words. Chakotay came back into himself in the quarters that he shared with Kathryn. 

His gut churned with an uneasy feeling. He knew what he had to do, but just because it was his responsibility didn’t mean that it made it any easier to live with. Chakotay stood up and straightened up the quarters, taking a moment to let himself focus on something as insignificant and meaningless as cleaning. He focused on his breathing, purposefully regulating it, and willed his mind to calm itself as much as possible.

Although he didn’t want to do what was required of him, he slowly accepted that he had to do it. He didn’t know how it would all play out, but he knew that he had to at least make an attempt to save the child that Seska had delivered into the world—his son. 

He could only hope that responsibility didn’t cost him anything that he found far more precious. 

Chakotay touched his combadge.

“Chakotay to Captain Janeway. I’d like to meet with you in your ready room.”

A moment later Kathryn’s voice came back.

“I’m on my way. I’ll see you there. Janeway out.”


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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If Kathryn had any reservations about going through with the plan to try to save his son, she wasn’t showing it. Immediately upon hearing Chakotay’s decision, she’d called a meeting with senior staff to discuss their possible methods for defending themselves if they were stumbling into a trap or if they should find themselves in battle against the Kazon. Together they’d brainstormed a number of plans and finally settled on one that, though it was unconventional, had some chance of working. They’d create the illusion that they were travelling with a small fleet of Talaxian ships and, in that way, they would dissuade the Kazon from attacking them while offering them a number of a targets to scatter their firepower if they did choose to attack.

Chakotay was moved at how much the crew was on board with helping him. Nobody balked at the idea that they would fight for his son. Nobody even complained about the risks involved. Everyone was simply ready to step up and go to battle if that was what was required of them.

They’d set a course, moving at a slow speed, and Kathryn had ordered as much of the crew as possible to go to bed to get what rest they could before it was time to report to duty once again. There was no telling what the coming day would hold and it would be better for all of them if they were as well-rested as possible.

Chakotay was already in bed when Kathryn was still finishing her preparations for bed. He reached out for her as she slipped between the cover and she immediately came toward him, fitting her body against his in anticipation that he would hold her. 

“We haven’t even had the opportunity to talk about this,” Chakotay said, breathing in the smell of her. 

“What do you want to talk about?” Kathryn asked. “I’ve got a little time. But—I have to warn you. I’m so tired that I can barely stand it. I might fall asleep if your voice is too soothing.” She laughed to herself. “It might be more effective if you yell at me while we have this discussion.” 

Chakotay couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

“I don’t even know what we have to say. I don’t know how I’ll live with myself if something happens to you,” Chakotay said. “To the baby.” 

Kathryn shushed him.

“Then don’t think about things like that,” she said. “Not before you go to sleep.” 

“How can I not, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked. He held his hand up so that she could see it and gestured at her. “Our baby is tiny. About that big, Kathryn. Delicate.”

“But I’m not,” Kathryn said. “And it’s buried pretty deep.” 

“Not deep enough,” Chakotay said, dropping his hand under the cover and pressing it against Kathryn’s abdomen, the soft silky material of her night gown the only barrier between them. Kathryn put her hand on top of his. “You’re at risk. Even the doctor said so.” 

Kathryn laughed low in her throat. 

“I’m a Starfleet captain,” she responded. “I’m always at risk. There’s no shore leave in the Delta Quadrant, Chakotay. We knew that. What if we just—hold onto the hope that everything will simply go well?”

Chakotay leaned toward her and kissed the side of her face. Kathryn hummed at him, a soft sound of pleasure that was almost like a purr, and Chakotay repeated the gesture.

“If everything goes fine,” he said. “Then what? Do I bring the baby on board Voyager?” 

“He’s your son,” Kathryn said.

“And Seska too? After she betrayed us?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn sighed.

“We’ll figure it out,” Kathryn said. “We’ll confine her if we have to.”

“What if she’s not there?” Chakotay asked. “What if the Maje has done something to her? Then what? Do I bring you the baby, Kathryn?”

Kathryn laughed to herself. She pressed her hand down on Chakotay’s, pressing it deeper into her abdomen.

“We talked about two or three—even five or six—children before, didn’t we?” Kathryn said. “We talked about making sure that our child had others to grow up with. We both decided it was something we wanted. At the very least it wasn’t something we were opposed to. We wanted a big family. I’d be a hypocrite if I were to turn away your son, Chakotay, after saying something like that.” 

“A son that was born against my will,” Chakotay said. “I’m not even sure how I’ll be able to feel about the child.”

“We’ll figure that out as well,” Kathryn said. She yawned. “But right now—I’m really tired, Chakotay. And we both need to sleep. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow as it becomes necessary. OK?” 

Chakotay moved enough to hover over Kathryn. He brushed his hand over her face before he kissed her. She returned the kiss and Chakotay almost hated to let it end. She smiled at him when he moved away from her. 

“Goodnight,” she said softly. “I love you.” 

“Sweet dreams,” Chakotay offered, settling back down beside her and allowing her to rearrange him so that his arms were around her in a way that she found most comfortable. “I love you, too. More than I can say.” 

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They’d gotten less than a full night’s worth of sleep, but any sleep was better than no sleep at all. Those who had worked during the sleeping hours were relieved of their duties early by others so that they could still what little rest was possible. Chakotay had given Kathryn something to keep her morning sickness at bay and they’d been on the bridge before either of them were even fully awake. 

They’d found the buoy during the night from which the message had originated and, in the morning, they’d decided how they wanted to proceed. They’d followed a warp trail that led away from the buoy. It hadn’t taken too long before they’d located one Kazon shuttle that had appeared practically destroyed. There had been no life support on the shuttle, but there had been faint signs of life on board.

The life form, beamed into sick bay, turned out to be a Kazon that Chakotay had already had the unfortunate experience of meeting. Meeting him again wasn’t too pleasurable either. The Kazon had some information, though. Seska was dead. His son had been taken and would be made into a slave. 

The Kazon was supposed to be helping them. It was in his best interest to avoid the other Kazons because they would kill him if they took him back. According to him, however, it was possible that they could avoid some Kazon ships only to be attacked by other Kazon ships that were nomadic and pledged allegiance to know one. 

When the first attack against Voyager began, Chakotay couldn’t help but assume he’d been telling the truth.

As the attacks intensified, however, Chakotay wondered what was really going on. There was no way he’d find out, though. There wasn’t time to seek answers and he wasn’t getting any clear answers at any rate. The only thing that any of them could do was continue to fight in the hopes that their strategies eventually paid off, especially once several Kazon ships had closed in around them.

Chakotay did his best to hide the panic he felt as Voyager suffered more and more damage—much of which they couldn’t even explain, including a ruptured plasma conduit—and the situation seemed more and more dire. Kathryn didn’t seemed as panicked as he felt, but she was good at hiding her feelings. She knew they were in trouble, though. Chakotay knew that. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have allowed Tom to leave Voyager, alone, on a shuttle to attempt to go back for the help of the Talaxians. 

Even if they were at risk of losing everything, though, Kathryn rarely showed panic. 

“We’ve lost contact with Mr. Paris’s shuttle,” Tuvok informed them not long after Tom departed. “He appears to be free from the Kazon fire.”

“Godspeed, Tom,” Kathryn muttered. “Reports?”

Before anyone could answer Kathryn, another round of firepower shook the ship. 

“We’re being boarded through the shuttle bay, Captain,” Tuvok informed them.

“Computer,” Kathryn said quickly. “Activate self-destruct sequence. Set it for ten minutes. Authorization Janeway Pi 1-1-0.”

Chakotay’s stomach rolled.

“Captain,” he said. 

He knew this was going to lead to a fight. Kathryn would order them all to evacuate. She’d order him to go with them. She’d tell him to lead them away as best he could. She’d expect him to draw them together, somewhere where it was safe, and figure out how to get them home.

She’d insist that she was going down with the ship, as any captain would.

And Chakotay simply couldn’t let that happen. He’d gotten her into this. He’d gotten them all into this. And if she was going down with the ship, then he was going down with her.

He never got to argue his point, though, because the computer immediately responded with the fact that it couldn’t comply with her orders. The attacks and the damage done had incapacitated several of their systems. Without repairs, there would be a good number of things that they couldn’t do. Among those functions that were lost to them was the ability to set the ship to self-destruct.

They were being boarded by the Kazons and they had no escape. They were simply going to have to suffer whatever the Kazons had in mind for them. 

Chakotay’s only hope was that it wouldn’t be anything worse than the self-destruct sequence would have been. 

If they survived this—if they got out of it somehow—he was going to have a lot to make up to everyone. 

When the first of the Kazons entered the bridge, one of the crewmen fired his weapon and was immediately met with phaser fire that killed him. The Kazon would quickly have the upper hand and exchanging phaser fire was only going to lose them crewmembers. 

“Hold your fire!” Kathryn announced quickly and with all the authority that she could muster in that moment. 

Chakotay tried to apologize to her with his eyes from across the bridge, but she didn’t seem to notice. She was doing her best to hide her emotions for the benefit of all of them, but Chakotay could see the fear in her eyes. 

The Kazons, satisfied that there would be no more fighting, closed in on them and gathered them up. They moved them into one central spot on the bridge and, holding their weapons on them to make sure that nobody thought about stepping out of line again, they forced them to their knees. 

Chakotay’s first instinct was to apologize a thousand times over. He wanted to apologize for bringing them there. He wanted to apologize for the damage done to Voyager, for her loss, and for the loss of the crew members—however many there may end up being. He didn’t apologize, though. Giving into the desire would have done nothing to save them and it would have only made them appear weak in the eyes of the Kazon.

“I want to speak to the Maje,” Kathryn said, speaking directly to one of the guards that held a weapon almost level with her eyes. 

“That can easily be arranged.”

Maje Cullah came through the doors next. 

Chakotay’s heart nearly stopped in his chest when he saw Seska walk through the doors carrying the baby. The next emotion that flooded Chakotay’s chest was anger—pure anger. Seska was the cause of all this. Chakotay had a responsibility for having fallen into the trap that she’d set for him, but it was her who had put all of this into motion.

“What do you think about your son, Chakotay?” Seska asked. “He has your eyes, don’t you think? Thank goodness he doesn’t look too human. You all have such weak foreheads.”

Chakotay’s ears burned at the very sound of her voice. 

“May he grow up never knowing of the contempt that his father has for his mother,” Chakotay said. 

“I can assure you of that,” Cullah said quickly. “I’ve decided to take the boy as my own. Raise him as my son. A man like Chakotay doesn’t deserve a son. No man that would violate a woman under his command deserves a son.” 

“Is that what she told you?” Chakotay asked. 

His heart thundered in his chest. He didn’t believe in unnecessary violence. He never wanted to hurt a woman if there was any other solution to a problem. At that moment, though, his vision was practically darkening when he looked at Seska. 

“Already he’s helped us win the greatest battle in our history,” Cullah said.

Kathryn got to her feet quickly.

“Cullah, I’d like to discuss what happens now,” she said. 

Chakotay was as surprised by what happened next as everyone else was. When Cullah turned around, nobody expected him to backhand Kathryn with enough force that she was taken off her feet. Chakotay barely had enough time to register what was happening and react by getting his arms under her to catch her. With the aid of a few others, he broke her fall and hugged her against him as she regained herself from the stun that the blow had given her. As soon as she could, she pulled herself up to her feet again, but Cullah pushed her back down by her shoulder. 

“You’ll be given no more respect than any Kazon woman,” Cullah said. “Now that your ship and technology are mine, I will tell you when you may speak.” 

“Allow my crew to live,” Kathryn said. “They were following my orders.” 

“You’re even worse than she is,” Cullah said, gesturing toward Seska. 

Chakotay listened as the Maje gave a speech about women who weren’t raised to behave as Kazon women were apparently taught to behave. They were out of control and it was their men that let them get out of control. Chakotay couldn’t focus, however, on anything the Kazon said. All he could think about was how they were going to get out of this with as little damage to everyone as possible. 

He wanted to ask if Kathryn was OK. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to tell her not to do anything to anger the Kazon.

But he couldn’t do anything. He decided it was better if he drew no more attention to her than she’d already drawn to herself. It was better if he drew no attention to the fact that she was any more important to him than any other member of the crew. 

“Take them to a cargo bay,” Seska said, her voice drawing Chakotay out of his contemplation. Have the whole crew brought there. Check all quarters.” 

“What are you going to do with us?” Chakotay asked.

“We’ll find a suitable place for you to call home,” Seska said, a smirk crawling across her lips that made Chakotay’s blood boil worse than it already had been.

The guards forced them all to their feet and pushed them forward. Kathryn hesitated, attempting once more to speak to Cullah, and her hesitation earned her a reproach from one of the guards that came in the form of shoving her forward hard enough that she collided with Harry and Tuvok. Tuvok simply caught her, breaking her forward movement, but Harry reacted—and, unfortunately, he reacted without thinking.

“Hey! Why don’t you take it easy? She’s pregnant!” He yelled at the guard.

Chakotay felt himself go somewhat lightheaded. Harry’s desire was to protect Kathryn, but Chakotay feared he might have done exactly the opposite. 

“Pregnant?” Seska asked, latching onto the word immediately. She walked toward Kathryn. Kathryn, for her part, managed to maintain a blank expression. Seska smirked at her. “The captain? Who would be the father?” She didn’t even hesitate to think about it. Maybe B’Elanna had been right. Maybe a relationship between the two of them wasn’t surprising to anyone. Seska’s eyes settled on Chakotay. “Chakotay—I see you’ve been busy. Our son wasn’t enough for you?” 

Chakotay looked at Kathryn. She wasn’t making eye contact with him at all. She hadn’t given it away. Seska had simply known. 

Seska turned her attention to Kathryn then. She laughed low in her throat. 

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m sure we’ll find a suitable home for you. And for your child. Take them to the cargo bay.” 

Chakotay sucked in a breath and continued moving with the crowd. This time, Kathryn didn’t fight it. Chakotay moved beside her and, even though he didn’t reach out to touch her with everyone watching, he hoped she could pull at least a little strength from his proximity as they made their way, under guard, to the cargo bay.

“I’ll take good care of our son, Chakotay,” Seska called from behind him. Chakotay simply gritted his teeth against the sound of her voice—one of the most painful things he could hear at the moment—and kept walking with his eyes straight ahead of him.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I thank you so much for reading and reviewing. It means a lot to me and I’m so glad that some of you are really enjoying this story! I hope you enjoy as we go along.

I hope you like the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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“I’m sorry,” Harry repeated once more.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Harry,” Kathryn said. “I won’t hear your apologies anymore. We’re all going to the same place.” 

“Any idea where that might be, Captain?” Someone asked from the crowd.

No matter what happened or how badly she thought she failed them—and Chakotay could see it on her face that she did think she’d failed them—Kathryn was still their captain. They were crowded into the cargo bay like animals—all of them sweating and afraid—and they were still looking at her like she had the power to save them. 

And Kathryn, being the captain that she was, was doing her best to look like she wasn’t afraid. She was doing her best to offer them bits of hope here and there to keep them all going. 

“I’m sure there’s any number of M class planets in the area. We’re probably being taken to one of those,” Kathryn offered. 

“We will either be abandoned,” Tuvok pointed out, “or made into slaves. The best outcome, perhaps, would be abandonment.” 

“Let’s just hope that Tom comes through soon with the Talaxians,” Chakotay said. 

Before anyone could say anything about the likelihood of the success of Tom’s mission, all of them were roughly shaken about. Even sitting, it was easy to lose their balance. Chakotay braced himself against the motion and he reached a hand out to catch Kathryn as she was shaken enough to send her somewhat tumbling into him. He tried to apologize to her again with his eyes, but she shook her head at him. She had already told him once that she didn’t need his apology. She didn’t like repeating herself. 

When the doors opened to the cargo bay, Chakotay found his feet and helped Kathryn up as discreetly as possible when she stumbled around to find her own feet and to attempt, at the same time, not to trample on anyone bunched around them. As soon as both of them were on their feet, several of the other crew members started to stand in preparation of whatever it was that was about to happen. Several guards entered the cargo bay and called out for Kathryn and Chakotay to follow them. 

Kathryn didn’t hesitate before she started making her way through the crowd. Everyone parted as well as they could to allow Kathryn and Chakotay to pass. As soon as they reached them, the Kazon guards moved out of the way to allow them to pass into the corridor just beyond the cargo bay. Kathryn waited when they told her stop and Chakotay stopped close enough behind her that he could feel the heat radiating off her body. 

The guards kept their phasers trained on them in case Chakotay and Kathryn might forget that they had no permission to do anything beyond stand in the corridor. It didn’t take very long to see what they were waiting for. Seska soon approached them carrying the baby. 

“I wanted to let you say goodbye, Chakotay, to your son. It’s too bad you were never quite strong enough to do what you needed to do.” Seska said. She looked at Kathryn. With phasers aimed at her and no current hope for escape, the only thing that Kathryn could do at the moment was to simply stand there and remain quiet. Her cheek was already darkening where Cullah had reprimanded her earlier for speaking out of turn. Seska smiled at Kathryn. It was the kind of smile that stirred up an unexpected anger in Chakotay. “What do you think of our son?” Seska asked Kathryn. Kathryn flicked her eyes quickly toward the infant before returning them to Seska, but she didn’t say anything. “There were several planets in this system that were all capable of sustaining life. Any of them would have been sufficient as a place to leave the bold and fearless Captain Janeway, but I had a hand in choosing and I chose this one especially for you. I hope you’ll like it.” 

Chakotay’s stomach churned. There was no sincerity in Seska’s voice and he knew her well enough, especially now, to know that she’d probably never cared for anyone in her whole life. There was no way of even imagining the challenges that might lay ahead of them.

“The Maje is waiting,” a Kazon said as he approached them.

“Good luck, Chakotay,” Seska said. “It’s a shame, really. Under different circumstances, you might have been a very good father. Say goodbye to your son.” 

Chakotay closed his eyes to block out Seska’s face—a face that filled him with a burning anger at the moment that he didn’t care for—and to avoid looking at the child in her arms. The baby was innocent, and he knew that was true, but Chakotay still couldn’t stand to look at him and to know that he’d been the piece that had made this all fall into place.

Chakotay was almost relieved when the guards tugged at him, moving he and Kathryn back inside the cargo bay so that they could follow the rest of their crew who was being herded out of the cargo bay doors and onto this new planet that they would apparently be calling home.

Once he emerged outside, Chakotay looked around him at the planet on which they were being left. It was an M class planet, but it certainly wasn’t something like being returned to New Earth. It appeared to be almost barren. It was a veritable wasteland. Still, if he could be confident that he and Kathryn could survive alone, he could be confident that they’d survive with so many people to help them.

If Kathryn was feeling apprehensive, she didn’t let it show. She simply looked around her, as well, to take in the lay of the land.

Cullah made his way around the crew ripping their combadges off their chests. He snatched Chakotay’s just seconds before he snatched Kathryn’s. He stopped to stare at her and Kathryn held him with the same carefully chosen expression she’d used to regard Seska. She wasn’t giving them the satisfaction of seeing any emotions on her features. She certainly wasn’t showing them fear. If anything, she was looking at Cullah like she was at least a little amused.

“A fitting end for a people who would not share their technology. Let’s see if you manage to survive without it,” Cullah said. 

“We will,” Kathryn assured him. 

He narrowed his eyes at her, but he didn’t strike her. Chakotay had already braced himself to be ready to reach out and break her fall if the Kazon should make a move to silence her again. Maybe he assumed that it didn’t matter because she was no longer a threat to him, but Cullah let the quip go. He walked off, leaving them there. 

Instead of lingering to watch them leave with Voyager, Kathryn started walking. Chakotay certainly didn’t know where she was going, and he was pretty sure that she didn’t know where she was going, but he started following her. Within a matter of seconds, the whole crew was following her as she struck out across the arid landscape.

“Help will be coming soon,” Kathryn said loudly. “Until then, we’ll need to make arrangements to survive on this planet. Our first priorities will be shelter and water. We’ll cover more ground if we split into teams. Each team is responsible for looking for water, shelter, and food while they explore the landscape and take note of what the planet has to offer.”

When Kathryn stopped walking, everyone else kept coming toward her to close the distance between them. 

“We’ll need to gather anything that can be used for weapons,” Chakotay pointed out. “We have no way of knowing what’s on this planet, but we need to be prepared. We’ll need tools, too.” 

“With all due respect, Captain,” Neelix asked, getting close enough to Kathryn to keep his voice from travelling too far. “Do you really believe we’re going to be rescued?” 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“You’re the morale officer, Neelix,” she said. “You tell me.”

Neelix, pleased at being reminded of his duty, quickly turned to address the crew that was closing in on them quickly.

“Help is on the way!” He announced loudly. 

“Until then,” Kathryn called out, “break into teams. Our focus until help arrives is survival. Water and shelter are the top priorities. Food, tools, and weapons are secondary priorities. Be careful if you encounter animal life on the planet. Exercise caution. The same goes for any alien species you might encounter. We don’t know what we’ll find. We’ll don’t want to start things off on the wrong foot. Chakotay, B’Elanna? You’re with me. Everyone else—break off into your teams.”

Chakotay didn’t wait to see who would go with whom. He followed Kathryn as she walked away with B’Elanna only lagging a few steps behind them.

“There’s not a lot here to work with,” Chakotay said. “I’m guessing Seska knew that.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Seska knew more than that,” Kathryn said. “The planet is seismically active.” She gestured toward a volcano that was very clearly active. “We’ll need to keep an eye on that.”

“Those look like rock formations over there,” Chakotay said. “We might find something that’s suitable for a shelter. We’ll want a rock wall. Something to block the wind and the sun.”

“That’s the direction we go in, then,” Kathryn said, turning her steps only slightly to lead them toward the structures that Chakotay had pointed out.

“The plant life looks dry,” B’Elanna said. “This looks like a dessert. I’m not sure what kind of life it’s sustaining.”

“It’ll sustain us,” Kathryn said. “And that’s all we’re concerned about at this moment.”

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Kathryn was lightheaded. She had been since she’d set foot off of Voyager, but she was attributing the feeling to her anxiety over their survival. 

She’d lost her ship. She had somehow gotten her crew stranded on a planet that she wasn’t sure was going to be able to sustain them. They’d found some water, deep below the sand, but they weren’t sure if they could drink it and they wouldn’t be able to purify it until they were able to get fires built—fires they weren’t sure they could actually build since it was providing difficult to find anything that looked like it would burn well and for any length of time. 

They’d found a cave that they were planning to call their shelter, but Kathryn was still concerned. 

They needed more than just a cave to survive. They were going to need clean drinking water. They’d need food to eat. They would need fire for cooking, for additional purification of their drinking water and, according to Chakotay, for simple survival—though Kathryn was hot enough that she couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to draw near to a fire. 

They needed some hope, too, because morale was dropping quickly and not even Neelix was capable of getting it to rise. 

They’d already lost one crew member. Although his death was tragic in itself, what was even more tragic was that nobody had seen what killed him. He’d simply been devoured, it seemed. Nothing was left of him but bones and his uniform—a uniform which Chakotay was using to construct a purification device for water. 

It was difficult to convince everyone that things were going to be fine when they’d lost one of their people already and they weren’t even sure how to avoid meeting the same fate as he had. 

But Kathryn was doing her best to keep everyone believing that everything would work out. She walked around, addressing every concern that was brought to her the best she could, and she tried to be as positive as she possibly could be. One by one, it seemed like most members of the crew were starting to doubt their ability to survive on the planet, but Kathryn wasn’t going to let them lose hope—not even if she was having a hard time holding onto it herself. 

“We’ll have water soon,” Kathryn said. “More than enough to go around. Teams are out scavenging for food, but if there’s no plant life? We’ll look elsewhere. We have to survive and survival means that we may not live with all the comforts that we’ve come to expect. If you can’t find food growing on trees, then you go to the rocks.”

She bent down and turned over some of the stones nearest her. There were fat worms under the rocks just as was to be expected on just about every M class planet. She scooped up the worms and showed them to the people who were watching her every move. 

“Food,” she said. “If anyone balks at eating these? It’s an order from your captain. Keep working on the fire and the weapons.”

Without telling them why she excused herself, Kathryn passed the worms she was holding over to Harry. She walked around him and made her way to the exit of the cave. She was sure that hardly anyone would pay her departure any attention. After all, she’d been moving from group to group throughout the day. She’d barely held still for any length of time. 

As soon as she was outside of the cave, Kathryn walked a few feet off and leaned against one of the large boulders that surrounded the area. The rocks on the planet were unusually cool to the touch. Kathryn had marveled at it all day long. Every time she’d rested her hand on one, she’d found it a start contrast to the heat that enveloped her. The cold boulder felt good against her back and it helped, for just a second, to cool her down a bit. Alone, and out of the public eye for a brief moment, she indulged herself by swallowing down large gulps of air without trying to hide the fact that she felt like she was starving for oxygen. She could almost believe that she was drowning in the planet’s humidity. 

Kathryn jumped when Chakotay rounded the corner. She hadn’t expected to be followed and when he appeared, she’d almost feared that she would be the first to discover what it was that had killed Hogan.

“You scared me!” Kathryn scolded.

“You disappeared,” Chakotay said.

“I just needed air,” Kathryn said. She fanned herself and tugged at her jacket. She was considering declaring that, as she was no longer on Voyager, she no longer had to wear her uniform. It was unnecessarily hot and it didn’t breathe well. She’d never felt as suffocated by her clothing as she did at the moment. 

“The crew is feeling better now that we’ve got the worms,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “That was a great idea you had. It seems to have put them at ease. I don’t think anyone wants to eat insects, but I think they’re relieved to know there’s at least something to eat.”

“The others aren’t back yet,” Kathryn said. “I’m sure they’ll find more food options.”

“Eternally optimistic,” Chakotay offered. 

“I try,” Kathryn said. She wiped at her face. The sweat was making her hair stick to her face where it had escaped her efforts to confine it. It tickled her face where it clung to her. 

“We’ve got some water,” Chakotay said, “and we’ve found a better well, but we’ll have a good bit more if I can get a fire going. Neelix has already found some things that will make suitable containers for the water. He found what appears to be naturally hollowed out rocks. They can probably be burned, too, for boiling the water. I’ve sent people to gather materials to burn. We can take turns tending the fire and it’ll probably keep everyone warm through the night—especially if we build two or three of them spaced out at some distance.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Is that really one of your main concerns, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked. 

“What?” Chakotay asked.

“The fire?” Kathryn asked. “For the water I understand but...for keeping everyone warm?” 

“If the temperature keeps dropping,” Chakotay said. He didn’t fully finish that idea before he moved to the next. “We don’t know how low it’ll get through the night. We don’t want everyone freezing to death in their sleep.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself again. She tugged at the fabric of her uniform. It had never bothered her before, but she was suddenly becoming very aware of how uncomfortable the fabric was and how unforgiving the fit was. 

“Chakotay—I don’t think anyone is going to freeze to death,” Kathryn said. “If anything—they’ll welcome the temperature drop to give them some relief from this infernal heat!” Chakotay stared at her. Kathryn’s stomach churned over the troubled expression he wore. “What is it?” She asked, not entirely sure that she wanted the answer.

“Kathryn,” Chakotay said, drawing her name out with the hesitation in his voice, “it’s not hot. Not at all.”


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.

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Kathryn was nearly dripping with sweat and she was practically hugging the large stone in front of her like it could offer some comfort to her. Chakotay hadn’t paid the change in Kathryn any attention because he’d been too busy following her orders and working on figuring out how to help them all survive on this planet. When he approached her and touched his hand to her face, she was hot enough that it felt like her skin was just a few degrees away from burning him. 

His stomach immediately felt like it dropped to the ground.

“You have a fever,” Chakotay said. “It feels like a really high fever. I’ll get Kes. You just—stay here.” 

“Wait,” Kathryn said, grabbing at Chakotay’s arm. “Don’t, Chakotay. She can’t do anything about it. We can’t find anything to eat. We’re certainly not going to be able to find any medicine. Telling everyone I’m sick will just make them worry more than they already are. They don’t need me to be sick, they need me to be their captain.”

“We can’t just do nothing, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. 

“There’s nothing we can do,” Kathryn said. “And we need to focus. We’ve only got a couple of hours of daylight left at best. We need fires for everyone. Food. Water. If we get all that, I’ll benefit from it too. I’ll rest with everyone tonight and we’ll see what we can do tomorrow. We’ve got to take care of our basic needs first.”

Chakotay didn’t like the plan, but Kathryn was right. His feelings told him that he had to do something to save her—even if it was something as impossible to perform as some feat of magic—but reality simply dictated that he keep working toward survival for all of them. 

Chakotay brushed his fingers over her cheek and then he pushed some of the pieces of her hair out of the way where they had started to cling to the sweat on her forehead.

“When they get back with the fuel for the fire, I’m going to need something to help get the fires started. Nothing here burns well and I was hoping to gather a little hair from everyone who has enough to spare,” Chakotay said.

“Take it all,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “Right now I’d be happy to be free from all of it. It’s so hot.” 

“Not all of it,” Chakotay said. “Just a little. You can stay there. Just—rest your head against the rock. I can cut some of it loose with the sharp side of one of these smaller rocks.”

Kathryn didn’t argue with him. Chakotay didn’t expect her too, though. She’d give whatever she had to give to save the crew. Her hair was really the least of things that she’d probably offer them if she thought she had something that could benefit someone. Chakotay found a rock that he thought might work for the task at hand and he set about his attempts to saw through some of Kathryn’s hair as delicately as possible. 

“There you are,” Kes said, appearing from inside the cave. “Captain—what are you doing?”

Chakotay laughed to himself. The strange act they were involved in would probably look odd to anyone who hadn’t been privy to the discussion beforehand.

“It’s for starting the fires,” Chakotay said. “The hair will catch a spark easily and it’ll get things burning so that the flames have a good chance of catching onto whatever else we might find to burn.” 

“The fires are what I wanted to talk to you about,” Kes said. “Naomi Wildman has a fever, Commander. Captain. I’ve given her water, but there’s very little else I can do. I don’t know if it’s the cold or something in the atmosphere making her sick, but a fire might help.”

Chakotay’s stomach twisted up and he nodded at Kes, hoping his expression didn’t give him away. 

“We’ll have a fire soon,” Chakotay assured her. 

He wanted to draw her attention to the fact that Kathryn was suffering from a fever as well, but he knew that wasn’t what Kathryn wanted. He might be able to talk her into telling everyone later, but she was going to fight him to wait until they had everything else covered. She wanted them to have some security before she gave them anything else to worry about. Besides, she was right about the fact that there was very little that Kes could do. If she didn’t know what to do for Naomi, she wasn’t going to know what to do for Kathryn either. 

“I’ll ask Neelix to walk with me,” Kes said. “We’ll see if we can’t find everyone who went looking for firewood. Maybe we can help carry things and speed up their return a little.”

Chakotay waited until Kes walked off before he gave Kathryn the clear to stand up from her position. He used some of the hair he’d cut to bundle the rest of it together and he held it in his hands.

“Is that enough?” Kathryn asked. 

“It will be,” Chakotay said. “You’re not the only one in the crew who has a little to spare.”

She smiled at him.

“Don’t look so worried,” Kathryn said. Chakotay leaned toward her to kiss her and she pushed him back. “No,” she said. “We don’t know what’s causing it. I don’t want you catching it.” 

“If you’re sick, I’ll be sick,” Chakotay said. “We’ll share it.”

“I’m not going to be the one to give it to you,” Kathryn said.

“It’s only you and Naomi,” Chakotay said. 

“And it could just be starting,” Kathryn said. “I just want us to be cautious for now. Come on—let’s go see about getting those fires started. I’ve got a good feeling that worms will be easier to get down cooked than they will be raw.”

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By the time the fires were burning and everyone was celebrating the fact that they had fire, more good news came to them in the form of food that would save them from having to learn to love the taste of worms and beetles cooked over-easy in the morning. 

When everyone had eaten and their three small fires were burning well, they established a rotation of the guard, essentially, that would keep the fires burning through the night and would keep watch for any signs of threat. 

Kathryn had done fairly well at her self-set task of hiding her condition, and the one time that she’d been asked about the show of sweat on her brow, she’d blamed it on sensitivity to the warmth of their fire and nothing more. 

Not long after most of the crew retired to sleep wherever they might be able to find a spot to lie down, Kathryn got up and excused herself out one of the exits to their cave. Chakotay assumed she was just going to relieve herself, but he wasn’t going to let her go alone. They still didn’t know much about this planet and they had no idea what had killed Hogan earlier that day. Chakotay followed Kathryn outside just in time to find her settling down with her back against a large boulder. The coolness of the rocks had made her develop quite a fondness for the formations. 

“What are you doing?” Chakotay asked.

“It’s so hot in there that I can’t breathe,” Kathryn responded. “At least out here I can breathe a little.”

Chakotay settled down beside her and put his arm around her. When she tried to pull away from him, he held onto her. 

“Nobody is sick except you and Naomi,” Chakotay said. “I don’t know why, and I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m almost certain that it isn’t contagious. You’re not a danger to me or anyone else.”

Kathryn seemed to accept his reasoning. She sunk into him. He hugged her and kissed the side of her face before she offered him a sincere kiss. He could tell, even in the way that she pressed her lips against his, that she was beyond exhausted. She needed to rest. Her body needed rest to even attempt to begin to heal itself from whatever she’d contracted. 

Chakotay moved away from her just a bit and pushed her to lie down.

“Put your head in my lap,” he said. “I’ll keep watch.” 

“You’ll freeze out here,” Kathryn protested.

“You’re putting out as much heat as any one of those fires. I’ll be fine. You need to try to sleep at least a little.”

Kathryn did lie down on the ground and she did rest her head in his lap, but only after she’d shed her jacket. Chakotay kept it close to him, fully intending to cover her with it as soon as he’d soothed her to sleep. She might not realize that it was cold, but that didn’t make her somehow exempt from its effects. 

“I’m not sure that I’ve ever felt—about anyone or anything—the way that I feel about Seska right now,” Chakotay said as he stroked Kathryn’s hair. “I don’t like the idea of hate or violence for the sake of it, but if I could get my hands on her right now...”

Kathryn shushed him.

“This won’t make you feel any better,” she said. “And it isn’t really doing anything for me either.”

Chakotay couldn’t help but laugh to himself at Kathryn’s tone. 

“I just keep thinking that just a few days ago it was so different,” he said. “If only we’d stayed on New Earth.” 

Kathryn hummed.

“I liked sleeping under the stars with you there,” Kathryn said. “And here we are again.” 

Chakotay swallowed.

“You need to sleep,” he said softly.

“I will,” Kathryn promised him. “Tell me—about how it would be different.”

Chakotay continued to stroke Kathryn’s hair. He was terrified of the fever. He didn’t know what it meant and he didn’t know how far it would go. Would it break during the night? Would her temperature continue to rise? If they were rescued, there was a chance that medication could do something for it, but what would be the after-effects of the fever? What if they weren’t rescued?

He must have worried a little too long because Kathryn requested, once more, that he tell her about New Earth and how things would be different. 

“You wouldn’t be sick,” Chakotay said. 

“You don’t know that,” Kathryn said. “I could be sick on New Earth.” 

“I could make you better food,” Chakotay said. “If you did get sick, I could take care of you and make you the soup that you liked so much.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“I think I’ll always miss your soup,” Kathryn mused. “Neelix’s soup just doesn’t compare.”

“It’s been a few days,” Chakotay said. “I would have made good progress on the cabin. Your sprouts would be growing. Maybe, by now, we would have seen your primate friend again.”

“You were going to cut the boards for the boat,” Kathryn said.

“And you were going to sand them,” Chakotay agreed. “You’d probably be halfway done with them. I know how you are—you’d never rest until they were done even though you knew they weren’t urgent.”

Chakotay brushed his hand further down Kathryn’s arm and made a short trip around her back. He could feel her breathing evening out a little. She was going to sleep. She needed it desperately.

“We would have picnics for lunch every day because the weather was so nice,” Chakotay said. “You’d nap just after lunch to make up for all the time the baby stole in the morning and then we’d work until it was time to eat again. We’d take a nice bath together and then we’d spend the evening in bed together until we fell asleep. We’d talk about the baby. You’d still be wondering if there was a baby, but I’d just keep assuring you that it’s there.”

Chakotay rattled on for a while stringing sentences together and practically narrating and re-narrating every single day that they’d spent together on New Earth. His tone of voice and the gentle touch was clearly soothing Kathryn, so he kept it up long after her breathing had evened out and she’d relaxed entirely against him. Sure that she was asleep, Chakotay eased her jacket over her like a blanket and then he simply sat with his hand resting on her. 

Maybe Kathryn was right and it wasn’t going to do him any good to sit and harbor the ill-feelings he had toward Seska, but knowing that wasn’t going to stop him from having those feelings either. At the moment, he could only hope for Seska’s sake that he never came into contact with her again. 

Chakotay jumped slightly when he heard the slight scuffing sound of something moving around near him. The sound drew him out of his contemplation and reminded him that he needed to be on guard. 

“Who is it?” He asked into the darkness. There was no response and he repeated the question a little more loudly. When there was no response again, he rested back into his position, but he focused on listening to his surroundings. When he heard something else move, he repeated his question once more.

“Chakotay?” 

“Kes?” 

“I heard something out here,” Kes said. “Are you alone?” 

“I have the captain with me,” Chakotay said. “Are you alone?”

Kes laughed quietly to herself. 

“I’m close enough to the cave entrance that I don’t think it matters,” she said. 

“Can you come here a moment?” Chakotay asked, careful not to raise his voice too much. “Quietly? I’d like to talk to you.”


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“I have no way of knowing, Commander,” Kes said, her voice barely above a whisper as she sat leaning against Chakotay. “Neelix doesn’t know anything about this planet. We’re not even sure where we are. It could be that the planet doesn’t support life. Maybe that’s what’s causing this reaction.” 

“That can’t be true,” Chakotay said. “If it were, then all of us would be sick.”

“Maybe it doesn’t support new life,” Kes said. “It could be that we build up something—some kind of immunity to something in the planet’s atmosphere—as we age. Naomi doesn’t have it yet. Your baby doesn’t have it.” 

“But Kathryn’s sick,” Chakotay said.

“And it’s nearly impossible to separate the Captain from your child at this point,” Kes said. 

“I have to admit, Kes, you’re not giving me much hope right now,” Chakotay said. 

“I’m sorry, Commander,” Kes said. “If I could solve the problem, I would. All that I know to do is keep them hydrated and try to keep them comfortable.”

Chakotay laughed to himself, though he felt no true amusement over anything that was taking place. 

“It doesn’t feel like very much to do for any of them,” he said. 

“You need to sleep, Commander,” Kes said, ignoring what he said. “I can keep watch for a while. I’ll wake you if anything happens. Would you like me to stay with the Captain? You could go in and lie down. You can’t be comfortable. You could go warm yourself by the fires.”

Chakotay hummed at her.

“I’m as comfortable as I can be,” he said. “And I doubt I’ll sleep much tonight—if any. It would be better if you got some rest, Kes. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to be out here alone.”

“If it would make you feel better,” Kes said, “I could send Harry when they change shifts. I’m supposed to be guarding the entrance until then.” 

“Very well,” Chakotay said. “But—guard from inside the cave. We still don’t know what it was that killed Hogan.”

“And you, Commander?” Kes asked, getting to her feet. 

“I’ll be safe,” Chakotay assured her.

He heard a soft laugh come from Kes. 

“I already know you’ll keep the Captain safe,” Kes offered.

“As safe as I can,” Chakotay responded.

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When Kathryn woke she was clearly disoriented. Chakotay felt her jerk against him. He’d almost been dozing himself—not too recently woken by Harry as he turned in for a quick nap at another changing of the guard—and her movement dragged him quickly back to waking. 

“Hey—we’re OK,” Chakotay offered quietly to soothe her confusion and concern. Kathryn rolled on the ground to look at up at him with a furrowed brow. “Good morning. You’ve still got a fever, but I think it might be a little better than it was. You slept all night. The baby didn’t wake you up this morning. Are you going to be sick?” 

“I forgot where we were,” Kathryn said. She groaned and rested her head against Chakotay’s leg a moment longer. She raised it again and moved to sit up, so Chakotay did his best to help her. His legs were asleep and he couldn’t actually recall the last time he’d felt any circulation in either of them. He’d shifted them a little, now and then, during the night, but he’d barely moved because he couldn’t bring himself to wake her when she seemed to be sleeping so well. She immediately covered her mouth with her hand when she sat up and Chakotay pushed her shoulder to the side.

“Go ahead,” Chakotay said. “If you need to let it out, just let it out. There’s no need trying to keep it in.” 

“No,” Kathryn said after a moment. “No—I’m fine. I’m OK. It’ll pass.”

It took several moments, however, for it to actually pass. Chakotay sat in silence beside her and focused his attention on his legs—both of which were starting to wake up and felt like they were being stabbed with thousands of pins—while Kathryn focused on getting enough control of her stomach to pretend that she was as fine as she claimed to be. Once she had that control, though, she was able to pretend pretty well.

She frowned at Chakotay, sincere concern washing over her features, as soon as she’d gained the control that she sought.

“Chakotay—you didn’t sleep out here like this,” Kathryn said. Chakotay couldn’t lie to her. He simply laughed to himself and nodded his head. She frowned a little more deeply and brought her hand up to stroke his cheek affectionately. “Your legs must be killing you. Your back. You shouldn’t have done that.” 

She changed her position and purposefully nuzzled her face against his before she kissed the side of his face. 

“It was worth it,” Chakotay said. “It’s really worth it now. How are you feeling? And—Kathryn? Please don’t lie to me.” 

She pulled away from him. She somewhat shrugged her shoulders. 

“A little—dizzy,” she said. “Warm.” 

“You’ve still got the fever,” Chakotay said. “It hasn’t broken yet. But, at least, I don’t think it’s getting any worse. You feel up to some breakfast? It’s got to be getting close to breakfast time. Neelix and Kes went out at the last changing of the guard to gather up some more kindling for the fires. Neelix was going to start preparing something when he got back.”

Kathryn started to get to her feet, accepting Chakotay’s hand to use to push herself up, but she never got to respond to him about breakfast because they were interrupted by B’Elanna coming out of the cave’s entrance nearest them and calling out for the both of them.

“Neelix and Kes haven’t made it back,” B’Elanna said. “It’s been a while. Nobody can find any signs of them in the surrounding area, but there are reports that there might have been some sort of struggle not too far from camp.” 

Chakotay reached his hand out toward her. She grabbed it as Kathryn reached for his other hand. The two of them heaved him to his feet even though he wouldn’t have really needed any more help than the partial-Klingon strength that B’Elanna could offer him.

“We’ll go look for them,” Chakotay said. “I’m better at tracking than I am at starting fires—and the fires didn’t turn out too badly. Captain? Stay here with the crew. They’ll need to gather kindling for the fires to keep them burning.” 

Kathryn nodded at him. 

“Take whoever you need with you,” Kathryn said. “We’ll have something prepared for everyone to eat on their return.” 

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The natives—whatever kind of aliens they were—didn’t seem to desire violence. Chakotay had told the others to keep their distance and he’d approached them alone. They seemed more frightened by him—and more intrigued by Neelix and Kes—than they seemed set on violence.

Kes identified the probable leader to Chakotay and Neelix suggested, and probably rightfully so, that the other aliens gathered around seemed to simply be trying to figure out what to make of the two of them. They looked no surer of what to make of Chakotay.

“Listen to my voice,” Chakotay said, approaching their leader. “And you’ll know that I mean you no harm.”

The leader of the group backed away from Chakotay when he spoke. He said something to him, but Chakotay was no more capable of deciphering his language than the leader was of understanding English. Still, Chakotay listened to his tone in the same way that the he was asking the leader to listen to his. There was fear and confusion there. 

“I come without weapons,” Chakotay said, holding up his hands to show that he’d left all the weapons they had with the others who were remaining out of sight for the time being. “But I must have my people back.”

Chakotay’s suggestion and his gesture toward Neelix and Kes, which accompanied his words, stirred up the aliens. Their leader quietened them and then very clearly tried to enter into some sort of bargain with Chakotay. He could have Neelix, it seemed, and he could have one of the native women that the leader offered him. Chakotay refused the deal and told the leader that he needed to keep his own people while Chakotay took his people back.

The only way to finally make it clear to the leader what was going to happen was to tell Kes to stand slowly and follow him. She listened, and for a moment it seemed like the aliens might let them go in peace, but they didn’t get very far before the violent nature of the aliens came through and they took after them in a run. Chakotay brought Kes and Neelix to join the others who were waiting on them, and together they all ran, ducking into a cave for protection—a cave that looked a lot like the one where Hogan had lost his life the day before.

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“Ensign—is it hot?” Kathryn asked. 

“It’s getting hotter, Captain,” Harry said. “The tremors are getting worse, too.”

At this point, everyone knew that she had a fever. Kathryn wasn’t trying to hide it any longer, but she also wasn’t allowing anyone to try to coddle her. They might be there for some time and she had no way of knowing how long the fever might last or what it might mean. It was possible that it was a new way of life for her. She might as well get used to it and learn to work around it. 

Chakotay had been gone for some time with a group that was sent out to find Neelix and Kes. In their absence, the sun had fully risen into the sky and the planet that had been cool the day before was starting to grow warmer. Something in the atmosphere around them was changing. Kathryn could feel the quality of the air changing. It was becoming hotter and it was becoming thicker. In their absence, also, the ground had started to shake beneath them. The shocks were warning signs that one of the volcanoes nearest them was threatening to erupt. They were keeping an eye on it because, if it erupted, its lava would surely reach their camp. They needed to be prepared to move, and to do so quickly, if it should decide to do more than threaten an eruption.

“Chakotay’s team should have been back by now,” Kathryn said. “I’m going out to look for them. Harry—can you keep an eye on the camp while we’re gone? I’m leaving you in charge.” 

“Of course, Captain,” Harry said. “But—do you think it’s best for you to lead a team?” 

“I think I’m as capable as anyone is of leading a team at this point,” Kathryn assured him. “I’ll take B’Elanna with me. We’ll gather together a small group. You keep an eye on the volcano. If it erupts, get everyone to safety as quickly as you can. We’ll find you.” 

Kathryn gathered together a small team as quickly as she could and they started off in search of Chakotay’s team. 

Chakotay had talked about his tracking skills, but Kathryn possessed no such abilities. They were simply hoping to stumble across their missing people. It wasn’t the best strategy, but it was all they had. They’d sent their weapons, too, with Chakotay’s team to aid them in case they needed to rescue Kes and Neelix. As a result, Kathryn and her team were armed with heavy rocks they found and nothing more. 

Kathryn already knew that Chakotay was going to have a few choice words for her, when they were next alone in private, about leading this group in this way, but she’d accept them just to know that he was back safely with her again.

“Do you see the smoke?” Kathryn asked. “That isn’t coming from our fires.”

“No, Captain,” B’Elanna agreed. “It isn’t coming from the volcano either.”

“It might belong to aliens,” Kathryn said. “Some species native to the planet. Maybe they captured Neelix and Kes. Perhaps they’ve captured Commander Chakotay as well.” 

“It’s possible, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “It could simply be a camp.”

“Either way,” Kathryn said, “it’s the only sign we’ve seen that we’re not alone on this planet. It’s worth investigating.” 

Kathryn led them in the direction of the smoke. They were all moving quickly, but without running it was going to take them a few minutes to cross the span of dry and dusty land. As they neared the fires, Kathryn rounded the corner of a rock ledge to be the first to approach what she expected to be an alien species. As she rounded the corner, she did find the aliens that she expected, but they weren’t gathered around their fires and they weren’t gathered around their prisoners. 

They were standing at the entrance to a cave. And the cave wasn’t just any cave. It was the same one where they’d lost Hogan the day before and, it appeared, the aliens were attempting to smoke something—or someone— out of the cave. 

Kathryn’s stomach twisted. She had no concrete reason to believe what she believed, and she hated to act on intuition alone, but she had to do something.

She walked back around the rock ledge and gestured for her small team to come closer. 

“They’re in the cave,” Kathryn said. “And the aliens are trying to smoke them out. We’ve got to get the fires away from the cave before the smoke kills them.” 

B’Elanna looked around the ledge.

“That’s the cave where Hogan died,” B’Elanna said. “Do you honestly believe that Chakotay would go in there?” 

Kathryn had no proof, but she did believe it. She had a gut feeling that she couldn’t explain. She simply knew what she knew, even if she had no way of truly knowing it. They were going to just have to take her word for it and, since she was their captain, they’d really have no choice. Chakotay—and several members of their crew, by default—was in that cave and there was no time to waste.

“He may have had no choice,” Kathryn said. “We’ve got to hurry. The smoke will suffocate them if we don’t.”

“How are we going to get them out?” B’Elanna asked.

“I’ve got a plan,” Kathryn said. “How many of you are runners?”


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The aliens took the bait that they offered and ran off chasing the sprint team that Kathryn assembled. Kathryn rushed to the cave entrance with the rest of her small team and started snatching the burning pieces of piled up brush away from the entrance. AS soon as it was moved and the air wasn’t quite as thick with smoke, Kathryn was able to step closer to the entrance of the cave. There was a rumbling inside and Kathryn felt her chest tighten. The tremors, no doubt, that were vibrating the ground to warn them about the volcano had damaged the structural integrity of the cave. It was possible that it could collapse on top of anyone inside.

“Come on!” Kathryn called into the cave. “Hurry! Let’s move!”

One by one, her people emerged from the cave and Kathryn waved them past her and back toward their camp. 

As the rumbling inside the cave started to intensify, so did Kathryn’s worry over Chakotay. Suddenly she could barely breathe and her head felt lighter than it had. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to hold it together if he didn’t come out of the cave. 

Kathryn was seconds from rushing into the cave to try to find him herself when Chakotay finally emerged as the last one to leave the cave. The interior of the cave collapsed nearly the second that he was outside of it and Kathryn nearly collapsed, herself, in response. The flood of relief that she felt was instant, but she still had to steady herself for a second over her body’s reaction to the sudden changes in her emotions. Chakotay, having built up some momentum as he fled the cave, darted past her a few feet before he turned around and came back to get her. She met him, moving already to follow the group back in the direction of the camp. 

Both of them fell back, when they were safely in sight of the camp, allowing the rest of the group to go on without them. Hoping they weren’t being watched, Kathryn sunk into Chakotay and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. 

“I was worried something happened and you weren’t coming out,” Kathryn said, practically breathing out the words. She felt the rush of relief that she’d felt earlier come over her again. This time her relief was even more complete because she could feel Chakotay’s body in her arms. “I was so scared, Chakotay. I was terrified that something happened.”

Chakotay interrupted her worry over something that hadn’t happened by informing her of what he actually had faced while they’d been separated.

“Something almost did happen. I think we found what killed Hogan. It was a large—a snake-like species, I guess. It was sleeping in the cave. When we woke it, accidentally, it tried to attack us. We didn’t have the ability to kill it, but we collapsed the cave to trap it inside.”

“You think there might be more of them?” Kathryn asked.

“I think it’s best if nobody goes exploring caves alone,” Chakotay said. “Just to be sure.”

“And the aliens?” Kathryn asked. “They were trying to suffocate you. They were trying to smoke you out of the cave.” 

“Communication between us was limited,” Chakotay said. “I basically took Neelix and Kes back and they weren’t pleased with that. Still, I’m not certain that they simply want to attack us. We have to remember that we’re as alien to them as they are to us.”

“You don’t think they’re a threat?” Kathryn asked.

“I absolutely think they are,” Chakotay said. “But I’m not ready to say that they want to be a threat. If we could work to communicate with them, I believe we might be able to establish some kind of understanding.”

“Then we’ll work on it,” Kathryn said. “We don’t know how long we’ll be here. If we’re going to be living on this planet, we’re going to be coexisting with them for a long time. It would be better for all of us if we could do that peacefully.”

Chakotay nodded his agreement at her and then he stood, his hands holding the upper part of her arms, and stared at her. He almost looked cross, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips that brought the slight indentation of dimples to his cheeks.

“What is it?” Kathryn asked.

“I thought I told you to stay at the camp,” Chakotay said. “I thought—I distinctly remember—knowing that you have a fever and Kes said you needed to rest. I believe that I told you to stay at the camp and help get breakfast ready. I don’t remember telling you to go off—to go off fighting against alien species with...what were you going to use for weapons?”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “You’re safe now. I’m fine. The fever is never going to break, Chakotay. I’m either going to die from it or learn to live with it. I’ve decided to do the latter for as long as possible.”

“What were you using for weapons, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked again. “If things hadn’t gone in your favor?” 

Kathryn laughed to herself again.

“Rocks,” she said. “But they were heavy rocks. And B’Elanna was with me. I’m pretty sure we could have held our own.” 

Chakotay sucked in a breath and let it out before he pulled her to him and held her tight enough against him that she almost felt like telling him that it was a bit too tight. She didn’t say anything, though. She simply let him have the contact that he seemed to need because she’d needed it earlier. 

“We have to get back,” Kathryn said when Chakotay released her. “We’ve got to figure out what we’re doing next. We’ve got to start discussing the long term. We can’t just sit around and count on rescue.”

There was a loud sound like a thunderclap and Kathryn jumped. The volcano had been letting off rumbling sounds, but none had been quite as sharp and loud before. Chakotay jumped too, and he snatched his head in the direction of the noise. 

“I think we’ve got our answer about what we’re doing next,” he said. He pointed toward the volcano and Kathryn let her eyes go in the direction that he indicated. Lava was starting to spew out of the volcano and it was already beginning to run down the side of it. It wouldn’t be long before it reached them and swallowed up their camp. Kathryn immediately darted in the direction of the camp, sure that Chakotay was just behind her. 

“We’ve got to get everyone! It’s time to move!” Kathryn yelled back at him seconds before she started yelling to get the attention of the crew. They didn’t have time to waste. 

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As they ran, Kathryn’s lungs burned like fire. She assumed, having never been quite so close to an erupting volcano, that inhaling some of the particles it must be releasing into the air made her feel that way. They were all running as hard as they could for higher ground to try to escape the quickly running river of lava. As they ran, they saw the aliens that they’d encountered earlier running toward the same mountains that they had chosen as their destination, but there was no fighting among them. They were all simply trying to survive at the moment.

Once they were about halfway up one of the mountains that they intended to use to escape the lava, and once some of the panic of the moment was subsiding a little, Kathryn was able to focus some of her attention on the crew. She noticed that the particles that she’d imagined were making it difficult for all of them to breathe only seemed to be affecting her. Everyone else was no more than regularly winded from their sprinting. She was the only one that was struggling to go from one breath to the next.

They were holding back for her, too. All of them were. Most of her crew was ahead of her and could have been much farther ahead. They might have already made it to the top if they weren’t holding back for her. Chakotay was barely even running at all and he was still keeping pace with her. She wasn’t that out of shape, but still she felt like she was suffocating. She didn’t know what was happening, but it was starting to concern her more and more. She felt like she couldn’t speak to anyone about her situation, though, because she didn’t even have that much air to spare. 

When they heard the screaming behind them, they all stopped their upward progress and looked back. The aliens were right behind them, but they were distracted by what was happening. No matter the language that one spoke, screams of terror were universal. So were sounds of absolute and overwhelming grief. 

One of the aliens—a female, Kathryn guessed by the sounds of her screams—was stuck on a rock below. The lava had rushed down, filling the low-lying area, and she was surrounded. If she didn’t get off the rock soon, the lava might swallow her up, but she seemed frozen by her terror. Around them, the aliens were reacting as any creature might. All of them seemed distraught, but one in particular was frantic to the point that Kathryn assumed that the female left behind might very well be his mate. 

Kathryn felt a hand close around the upper part of her arm and she glanced back to see that it was Tuvok who now had a tight hold on her. He must have silently communicated something with Chakotay because Chakotay darted off from Kathryn’s side and made his way back down the mountain. Kathryn immediately understood why Tuvok held her arm. Vulcans didn’t share human emotions, but they understood them. He would know, even if she kept it inside, that watching Chakotay run toward a river of lava would make Kathryn feel more like she was going to die than she already felt. His tight hold on her arm held her in place when her body instinctively lurched forward like she might be able to go after Chakotay and save him from his own decisions.

Chakotay rushed down the side of the mountain and made the jump that the female alien seemed too terrified to make. Once he was on the rock with her, she looked like she was trying to decide if she was more afraid of Chakotay or the lava. Watching them, Kathryn feared that she might jump into the lava in some kind of attempt to get away from Chakotay. She had no way of knowing, as Kathryn did, that Chakotay wouldn’t dream of hurting her—at least not if there were any way to avoid it. Finally Chakotay caught the woman and heaved her up and over his shoulder. Kathryn held her breath as he made the short jump back over to the side of the mountain and caught himself when his foot seemed to slip beneath him. He carried the woman up the side of the mountain and didn’t stop to put her down until he could deposit her practically in front of the alien that Kathryn assumed was her mate. 

If the aliens offered any sort of spoken thanks, it was impossible to tell. The noises they made meant very little to English-speaking ears. They did climb quickly past Kathryn and much of her crew, though, and the alien who had been so concerned about his mate waved at them all to follow. When her crew looked back to her for some word on what they should do, Kathryn nodded to give them the go ahead and they started quickly after the aliens. 

Kathryn stood in her spot until Chakotay reached her. He rested his hand on her back.

“Are you OK?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn swallowed. 

The few moments that they’d had to rest were making it easier for her to breathe, but she could tell that something wasn’t right. She was inhaling and exhaling the only way that she knew how, but she distinctly felt like she wasn’t getting air. Her lungs burned. They felt tight and irritated. She felt a little lightheaded even standing still.

But she wasn’t going to tell Chakotay all that, even if she was pretty certain that he could somehow simply tell by looking at her. 

“I’m fine,” she assured him as best she could. She heard that her voice wasn’t quite normal. It came out like her throat was dry and scratchy and her breath was hung in her chest. Suddenly, Kathryn became aware that she could hear her own breathing. She was starting to wheeze, a sound that she hadn’t been making before. 

Chakotay frowned at her. Maybe he heard the sound too, or maybe he simply didn’t believe that she was fine.

“I can carry you,” he said. “Kathryn—you don’t weigh anything.”

Kathryn shook her head and, in an attempt to save what breath she had instead of spending it in a conversation with Chakotay over the fact that she wasn’t going to arrive at their new camp being carried, she started up the mountain again in the direction that the aliens had taken her crew.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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When Kathryn hesitated to move forward, stopping for breath again long before she would normally need it, Chakotay had scooped her up. This time she hadn’t even had the air to even protest, but he wouldn’t have listened to her at any rate. Carrying her bridal style, Chakotay could hear her labored breathing and he’d assured her that something was happening to her, but that he was sure she’d be fine once the volcano stopped spitting its contents into the air and everything settled. She’d feel better if she simply rested. On top of the fever, everything else was simply too much for her to take. 

Of course he had no reason of knowing if everything actually would be fine, but he wasn’t going to say that to Kathryn. Taking away her hope would make her fight less, and that wasn’t what he wanted at all. One thing he loved about Kathryn was that she was a woman with a great deal of fight inside of her, and he loved that about her even more at the moment when it was so necessary that she hold onto that. 

Chakotay carried Kathryn carefully up to the place where everyone was gathered to watch the volcano, to wait for the eruption to stop, and to make a plan for what came next.

Chakotay paid little attention to anyone there or anything that was taking place. His only concern was the woman in his arms who had forgotten, for a moment, that she was sometimes too proud to admit that she needed help. She’d forgotten that she was worried about her crew seeing too much affection between them. When he lowered himself to sit on the ground, Chakotay arranged Kathryn across his lap and she closed her eyes and curled into him.

“You’ll rest and get some air,” Chakotay told her. “As soon as we can, we’ll find some water. I’m not going to let anything happen and neither are you. You just have to keep fighting it. Just like you have been, Kathryn. I’m going to take care of everything and you’re going to keep fighting. That’s an order. I know you hear me. You can argue with me about it later.”

The mumbled words soothed Chakotay even if they did nothing for Kathryn. The planet was nearly impossible to inhabit and the aliens, although humanoid in appearance, were clearly quite different in makeup than humans. It was barely an M-class planet at all, and it certainly wasn’t a place where the human race could procreate and thrive. 

Seska had known that, too, when she’d searched the planets in the system and chosen this one as the planet where they’d all be left. She’d done this on purpose and Chakotay wanted her to pay for it. He wanted her to pay for all of it. 

Chakotay jumped when someone touched him. The alien knelt down beside him. Chakotay recognized him. He was their leader or, if not their leader, a much respected member of their family unit. He was also the one who had clearly been most afraid to lose the woman stranded on the rock. He was looking at Chakotay, now, with sympathy. His expression was much different than Chakotay had seen in any of their other encounters. The alien was incapable of understanding Chakotay’s language, but the language of emotions was somewhat universal. The alien could clearly see that Chakotay was suffering and he was doing his best to express his sympathy through his expression and some soft and incomprehensible words—more noises to Chakotay than anything else—that he offered.

Chakotay sat back, opening himself up to the alien so he could see Kathryn better. She was still struggling to breathe and she kept her eyes closed to both of them. 

“My wife,” Chakotay said to the alien. “My wife. And my baby. But—my wife.” Chakotay tapped his chest with his hand. The alien would know he considered Kathryn as something belonging to him even if he wasn’t sure what her relation to him was. From the way he was holding her, Chakotay assumed the alien could tell that she was something precious to him. The alien studied his face. Chakotay shook his head. “She can’t breathe.” He drew in some exaggerated breaths to illustrate for the alien what concerned him most about Kathryn’s condition. Her breathing was labored. She was struggling and Chakotay feared it was only a matter of time before she lost consciousness. 

The alien nodded at Chakotay and touched his fingers to Kathryn’s neck as if he were searching for a pulse. He rummaged around in what he was wearing and came out with something that resembled a radish. Chakotay watched as he brought something else out of his clothing that appeared to be a finely shaped rock which could function as a rudimentary knife. Using the blade, the alien cut off a piece of the radish from the whole. Chakotay could smell it, whatever it was. It wasn’t an offensive smell, but it wasn’t entirely pleasant either. It was unlike anything that he’d ever smelled before and the scent was strong. The alien showed it to Chakotay before he waved it under Kathryn’s nose. 

After a second, Kathryn opened her eyes to both of them. Chakotay smiled at her just to see her eyes open. 

The alien tugged at the neck of Kathryn’s shirt and Chakotay realized what he was trying to do. Chakotay took the piece of radish from him and slipped it inside the neck of Kathryn’s shirt. The alien nodded at him when Chakotay looked at him to question if he was doing what he should. Once he’d worked it into the shirt, Chakotay rearranged the thing until the alien showed him where to place it against Kathryn’s chest. Then the alien looked at him, pleased, and patted Chakotay’s shoulder.

Within a matter of a few short minutes, Kathryn’s breathing started to even out and the wheezing noise she’d been making faded. She remained in Chakotay’s arms, but she became more aware of her surroundings. She became more aware of the fact that Chakotay was holding her. 

“He helped Naomi,” Kes offered, coming up behind the alien and to Chakotay’s side. “She’s breathing better.”

“She’s breathing better, too,” Chakotay said. Kathryn moved to sit up and Chakotay held her against him. “Just stay still,” he commanded. For the first time, she listened to him and simply relaxed against him again.

“Maybe we can communicate to them about the fever,” Kes said. “It’s possible that they’ll know what to do about that. Maybe we could find something to share with them that they’d want. Some way to thank them.” 

“We’ll give them whatever they want,” Chakotay said. “Whatever we’ve got that they can share if they can get rid of the fever that the captain and Naomi have.” He looked at the alien that was sitting beside him, calmly watching Kathryn to see how she might improve. Chakotay tapped him. “The fever,” he said. He touched his forehead and made a gesture like he was fanning himself. “The fever. Can you help it?” When the alien looked at him like he didn’t understand, Chakotay took his hand and touched it to Kathryn’s forehead. “Fever. She’s hot. She has a fever. Can you help it?”

Chakotay never did get an answer from the alien, though, because his efforts were drowned out by the simultaneous noises of engines and the loud reactions of the surprised aliens and his pleased crew members. 

Chakotay’s head jerked in the direction of the sound and his chest squeezed tight with the feeling of relief as Voyager slowed upon nearing them. The Kazon would never come back to them once they’d left them behind for dead. There was only one explanation for Voyager’s sudden reappearance.

They were rescued. They were going home.

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“Welcome back, Captain. Commander,” Tom said as Chakotay and Kathryn walked onto the ship through the open cargo bay doors. It had been impossible to transport them onto the ship, but it hadn’t been difficult for Voyager to find a place to land. They’d relied once more on the help of their amazed alien friends to find their way up to where the ship landed and then they’d thanked the aliens who had feared getting too near the ship and had said their farewells from some short distance away. 

Thanks to the help of the alien leader, Kathryn was able to walk onto the ship of her own accord. Chakotay was only supporting her with his arm around her because she would allow it, not because she actually needed it. Even though they were stepping back into their own environment, she still held her hand over her chest to hold the piece of radish-like vegetable in place. 

“It’s great to see you, Tom,” Kathryn said, offering him a smile. “Thank you.” 

“It wasn’t all me, Captain,” Tom said. “I had some help from Suder. He and the doctor sabotaged the ship. If it weren’t for them and the Talaxians, I wouldn’t have been able to get Voyager back from the Kazon.”

“This is a story I can’t wait to hear,” Kathryn said, offering him a genuine smile.

Everyone had loaded onto Voyager at that point and were passing through the cargo bay and into the interior of the ship. Chakotay realized they were all on board when the cargo bay doors closed. 

“It’s a story that you’re going to have to wait to hear,” Chakotay said. “I think it’s time for us to resume a course to the Alpha Quadrant. Is Voyager capable of long-range travel?” 

Tom nodded his head at Chakotay’s question. 

“Repairs still need to be made,” he said. “But there’s nothing that we can’t do while we’re moving.”

“Let’s get her off the ground, then,” Chakotay said. Tuvok had stopped next to them and Chakotay directed his words to him as much as he directed them at Tom. “Set a course for home. Let’s try to avoid contact with anyone until repairs have been made and the crew has had a little time to recover from our adventure. Tom—are there any Kazon left on board?”

“None alive,” Tom said. 

“Seska?” Chakotay asked.

Tom shook his head. 

“We found her,” Tom said. “Dead. The Maje and the baby are gone, however.”

Chakotay nodded his understanding. He wasn’t ready, just yet, to process the information as more than simply a reporting of whereabouts. 

“Tuvok—you’re in charge. Take the bridge and get us moving,” Chakotay said. “We’ll meet you up there as soon as we can. I’m taking the captain directly to sick bay.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. She looked at Chakotay with amusement. 

“Are you the captain now?” She asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself. He’d taken control of things and he knew that, but he didn’t feel like he had any other choice at the moment. 

“Tuvok is,” Chakotay responded, not trying to hide his pleasure over the fact that she was feeling well enough to tease him. “For now, I’m declaring you medically unfit and that stands until the doctor rescinds it.”

Kathryn smiled softly at him. 

“I’m not arguing with you,” she said. “Tuvok—you have the bridge. Tom?” She patted Tom on the shoulder. “Well done. We wouldn’t be here without you. I look forward to hearing all about what happened.”

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders and directed her so that she started on her way to sick bay. When they were in the turbo lift together, Chakotay rested his back against the wall. Kathryn was still smiling at him and it was contagious. 

“For a minute on that mountain, I didn’t know if I was ever going to see that smile again,” Chakotay said. “I’m glad it’s back, even if you are making fun of my concern over you.”

“I’m not making fun,” Kathryn promised. “Thank you—for not giving up on me.”

“I could never give up on you,” Chakotay promised her. 

“What about Seska?” Kathryn asked. “Her baby. Your son. What do you want to do, Chakotay?” 

“I want to find out more information about what happened before I answer that question,” Chakotay said. “But first I want to find out about you and our baby. Then I’ll worry about—about everything else. You’re breathing better, and I’m pleased about that, but I’m going to feel a whole lot better once I know there’s no damage to either of you and this fever is under control.” 

Kathryn leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss before the turbo lift stopped at its destination.

She smiled at him. 

“I’m fine,” she said. “Thanks to you, Chakotay. But—you don’t have to take my word for it. I want you to have whatever reassurance you want. All the reassurance you want. Let’s go see the doctor.”


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I just want to thank you all for the support. It’s greatly appreciated and I’m thrilled that you’re enjoying. I’m very much enjoying writing the story.

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! 

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The second hypospray must have stung because Kathryn immediately placed her hand over the spot where the doctor had administered it. The doctor spoke to them both while he went about trading out his hypospray for his tricorder.

“That should help with the fever,” the doctor said. “I would expect it to break within five to eight hours. If it hasn’t broken in ten hours, then I’ll tell you the same thing I told Ensign Wildman about Naomi. I expect to see you back here. We’ve analyzed all the information we have about the planet’s atmosphere, but it’s still something of a guessing game.” 

Samantha Wildman had been there with Naomi when Chakotay and Kathryn came into sick bay and she’d only left a few moments before with a bill of health for the baby that was as clean as it could be directly following their experience. The doctor was taking his time with everyone, it seemed, who sought his help and Chakotay wasn’t going to rush him at all. The doctor scanned Kathryn once more with the tricorder. It was the third time since she’d come in. He looked satisfied, though, when he read what the tricorder had to say. 

“Her oxygen levels are rising,” the doctor said. “She’s showing stable oxygen levels now. There’s no lasting damage to the lungs. I’d say that you can part with that now.” He gestured toward the piece of radish that Chakotay still held in his hand. “For neither you, Captain, nor Naomi is that a becoming fragrance.”

Chakotay laughed to himself and turned the piece of root over in his hand. The smell was very strong and it lingered in the air around them. It was certainly a unique scent, but Chakotay found it strangely comforting. 

“It’s the best thing I’ve smelled in a couple of days, Doctor,” Chakotay said. “I believe it saved both their lives.” 

“It’s possible it did,” the doctor said. “However, her lungs will be functioning again at full capacity within a couple of hours. I don’t believe it will do her any good now. The injection I gave you earlier, Captain, will alleviate any remaining inflammation in your lungs. I’m prescribing rest and a cool bath to help promote the fever breaking. Captain—I’m putting you on leave for twenty four hours. I want to see you, after that, before I’m willing to release you. But please, Captain, try to avoid anything too strenuous or stressful?” 

Chakotay laughed again. 

“I’m going to have a force field erected around her,” Chakotay said. 

“The baby, Doctor?” Kathryn asked, shifting her weight on the biobed. 

“My initial assessment stands. There are no signs of problems,” the doctor assured her. “However, the baby would fare better if its mother were to take it easy and avoid exposing it to planets with potentially toxic environments.” 

Kathryn smiled, clearly relieved and not at all bothered by the doctor’s obvious ribbing.

“But it’s fine?” Chakotay asked.

“It appears that everything is as we would desire,” the doctor said. “I want to keep an eye on things, especially since the fever hasn’t broken yet. Rest. Eat well. Drink plenty of fluids. Soak in a cool tub and watch the fever. If it doesn’t break, I want you back here in sick bay. If it spikes at all, I want you to come immediately. It doesn’t matter what time it is since I never sleep anyway.” 

“I understand,” Kathryn said. “What about Naomi Wildman? Will she make a full recovery?”

“Children are often resilient,” the doctor said with a smile. “She’s actually recovering faster than you are, Captain. She’s going to be fine. I’m less concerned with her condition than I am with yours.” 

“I’m feeling much better,” Kathryn assured him.

“And I’ll make sure she takes it easy,” Chakotay said. 

“See that you do,” the doctor said. 

Kathryn thanked the doctor and Chakotay did too. When the doctor requested the piece of root to study, Chakotay handed it over, even though he felt somewhat reluctant to let it go. 

“I’ll walk you to our quarters,” Chakotay said. “And then I can see to everything else. And before you even think about arguing with me, remember that the doctor has relieved you of your duties for twenty four hours. You can take a bath. Relax a little. I’ll come and get you to get something to eat soon. How does that sound?”

“It sounds like an order from my first officer,” Kathryn teased. 

“It’s an order from your husband,” Chakotay responded. “But if you’re more inclined to take orders from your first officer, then you can consider it an order from both of them.”

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Chakotay stood over her, looking at her face. The doctor had her body covered in the back of sick bay, practically in storage, until they could do something with her. 

Suder had helped save the ship. He’d been kept separate from Seska and they’d already given him a proper send off. There was really no one that would mourn him, but Chakotay had taken the time, along with a few others, to thank the man for his sacrifice before they’d launched his pod into space. 

It didn’t feel like the woman he was looking at really deserved anything from any of them. 

She’d changed so much since he’d first met her. Once upon a time, Chakotay had believed he cared for her. Now he’d felt betrayed by her more than once. On the planet’s surface, when he’d been holding Kathryn’s body in his arms and he’d been worrying if she would simply stop breathing, he’d been overcome with anger and hate for Seska. They’d lost several crew members because of her. She’d knowingly condemned Naomi Wildman to death. She’d condemned Kathryn and his child to death. She’d condemned him to the grief that she had to have known would follow. Their escaping her condemnations did nothing to erase the fact that she’d fully intended for them to suffer the sentences she’d chosen for them.

And for what? What had Seska ever gotten out of her life that was worth the pain she caused others?

Chakotay felt the pressure of a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see who it might belong to. He’d practically threatened to have the door locked by the computer if Kathryn tried to leave the quarters before he returned, so he was certain that it wasn’t her. He turned to find the doctor looking at him. 

The doctor offered him a sympathetic expression. 

“You cared for her?” The doctor said. Chakotay wasn’t entirely certain if it was a question or a statement, but he chose to respond to it as though it were a question. 

“A long time ago. I cared for who she let me believe she was. She wasn’t that person, though. That person didn’t exist.” 

“I thought you might like some company,” the doctor said. “But if you’d rather be alone with her...”

“No,” Chakotay said quickly. “No. It isn’t like that. I wasn’t—even thinking about that. She served on my ship, but I don’t even feel like I lost a crew member. Her betrayal was too much for that. I think it destroyed any remaining feelings I might have had for her. No—I’m not sad about her passing. Mostly I was just thinking about all the things she did to hurt me. Everything she did to hurt this crew. More people could have died. Just on the planet we could have lost more. I’m being selfish, but I keep thinking that—I could have lost Kathryn and she could have lost the baby.” 

“Commander Chakotay—we have no way of knowing the long-term effects of the fever on your baby, but the prognosis is good. Luckily, you weren’t on the planet long enough for it to last any longer than it has. There’s a very good chance that we won’t see any residual effects from this,” the doctor said. “At any rate, you shouldn’t worry. It won’t do any good to anyone.”

Chakotay nodded his head.

“But you have to understand that I’m still going to worry,” Chakotay said.

“I’m aware of that,” the doctor said. 

“And anything that happens? Even—anything I worry could happen? It’s going to be Seska that’s responsible for that in my mind,” Chakotay said. “A few days ago Kathryn had a clean bill of health and the baby was perfect. I didn’t have a single concern. It was Seska that changed that.” 

“The Captain will be fine,” the doctor said. “I’m confident that all three of my patients affected by the atmosphere of that planet will make a full recovery. However, I’d like to offer you a sedative, Commander, before you turn in for bed tonight. It may do you some good.”

“I’ll think about taking you up on that offer, Doctor,” Chakotay said. 

He looked at Seska again. 

“I’ve never felt so angry with someone before,” Chakotay said. “I want to feel sorry for her, but I can’t find it in myself to do that. I just keep thinking that it wasn’t enough. I don’t like to feel that way.”

“I’ve got something to tell you, Commander,” the doctor said. 

He looked worried when Chakotay looked at him. 

“What is it?” Chakotay asked.

A long moment of silence passed before the doctor actually spoke. 

“Well, Commander, I hesitate to say anything that might upset you more at the present moment, but I thought something I discovered might be of interest to you in particular,” the doctor said. “It might help to alleviate some of your concerns over everything that’s happened here.”

Chakotay did his best to erase any signs of frustration he might feel toward Seska from his features. He didn’t want the doctor to believe that he was unstable or anything else. His anger wasn’t directed at anyone else. It was simply a response to the circumstances in which Seska had placed them. 

“Go ahead, Doctor,” Chakotay said. “What did you want to tell me?”

“While the Kazon had control of the ship,” the doctor said, “Seska brought her baby in for examination.”

“Did you examine it?” Chakotay asked, his stomach twisting uncomfortably.

“I did,” the doctor confirmed.

“Was it healthy?” Chakotay asked.

“It was,” the doctor said. “But—I did find out something about the child. Seska claims that the baby was your son. However, when I ran DNA scans on the child, it was evident that the baby had strands of Cardassian DNA and Kazon DNA. It had no human DNA. When I pointed this out to Seska, she seemed rather annoyed to discover this information. The child that Seska had, Commander, wasn’t your son. It was biologically of no relation to you whatsoever.”

Chakotay sucked in a breath. He couldn’t tell if he was relieved by that information or further infuriated by it.

“You’re certain of that, Doctor?” Chakotay asked.

“Quite,” the doctor said. “Once Tom had control of the ship and my program was reactivated, I had some time to kill while we were making the return trip to the planet. During that time, I satisfied my own curiosity by running a comparison of the baby’s recorded DNA with your DNA. They are absolutely not a match. I’m sorry, Commander, if you wanted the child, but Seska’s child was not your biological offspring.”

Chakotay stood for a moment and absorbed the information as best he could without really having time to sit and think about it. 

He looked at Seska once more. 

He’d been infuriated to learn that she’d impregnated herself with his DNA. He’d felt violated. Betrayed. But he’d felt responsible for the child after its birth. He’d spoken to his father’s spirit about the child’s existence. He’d accepted what his father had said. The child was a part of him and, therefore, it was his responsibility whether or not he’d wanted it to be born. He had accepted that he had to do his best to save the child and he’d taken everyone—the entire crew—into danger to try to save the child. 

Everything had happened out of his attempt to save a child that was never in danger. Everything had happened to try to save a child that had never really been his. 

Chakotay pulled the sheet up to cover Seska’s face. He couldn’t stand to look at her any longer. He couldn’t even stand to be close to her lifeless body any longer. 

“Thank you, Doctor, for telling me,” Chakotay said. 

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said.

“If you’re sorry because you know how much suffering all this has brought me and everyone, then I accept your sympathy on behalf of myself and the crew,” Chakotay said. “I appreciate your compassion. But if you’re sorry because you think that I’m upset over the fact that I share no children with this—with this woman? You’re mistaken, Doctor. I’m relieved to have no further ties to Seska.”

“I understand, Commander,” the doctor said. 

Chakotay swallowed.

“I’ll send someone to get rid of the body,” Chakotay said. “We’ll have it ejected off the ship as soon as possible.”

“You don’t want to be present?” The doctor asked.

“I don’t want to give her even that respect,” Chakotay said. He sighed. “Not after everything she’s done. Not after everything she’s cost us and everything she might have.”

“I understand,” the doctor said. “I certainly harbor no feelings of grief over her loss.”

Chakotay laughed to himself at the way that the doctor expressed his complete lack of feeling. He walked away, back through sick bay, and headed toward the door. The doctor called his name and he stopped and turned back to look at him as he approached him once more. 

“Commander,” the doctor said, “your child—your real child—is going to be fine. I promised you that I would do everything in my power to make that so and I haven’t forgotten my promise.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Chakotay said. “I think I’m going to check on that fever and see if the captain might be feeling up to something to eat.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea, Commander,” the doctor assured him. “My offer still stands. If you feel like you might need a little help relaxing this evening, I have something to offer you.”

Chakotay nodded his head.

“I just might take you up on that,” he responded.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Here we are, another chapter here as we keep moving along. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“I’m freezing, Chakotay,” Kathryn said as she settled down under the blankets that Chakotay held up for her. He let them settle over her as soon as she was under them. “It’s all your fault.”

Chakotay snuggled over next to her and wrapped himself around her. He didn’t try to hold back his sigh over the satisfaction he felt just having her there, next to him, and knowing that she was safe. She hummed at him and somewhat squirmed around, working herself as tightly against him as was physically possible. Chakotay planted several kisses on her face, each one falling on a different spot of her skin while she readjusted herself to be in the position that she most desired at the moment. 

“There’s still some fever,” Chakotay said. “But it’s coming down.”

In a relatively short span of time, he’d convinced Kathryn to eat two meals and to soak in two cool baths. He’d convinced her to rest some, too, after he’d allowed her to talk to Tuvok long enough to share her suggestion that they return to their course to reach the technology-laden trade-planet that B’Elanna was practically lusting after.

Kathryn had offered to join Chakotay, and whoever else might want to be present, when they launched Seska’s pod, but Chakotay had chosen not to be present himself and he imagined that the only person that had been there had likely been the ensign that had been tasked with launching the pod. Kathryn hadn’t asked him about his decision and he hadn’t shared his feelings about everything, yet, because he was giving them time to simmer before he committed to discussing how he felt. Kathryn was patient with him, though, and for that he was grateful. 

“I’m sure I can return to the bridge tomorrow,” Kathryn said. 

“The only place I think you should be returning to tomorrow is sick bay,” Chakotay said. “We’re going there tonight if this fever doesn’t break soon.” 

Kathryn sighed.

“It’s going to break,” she said. 

“It will,” Chakotay said. “But you need to rest.”

“It’s not easy for me to just sit in my quarters,” Kathryn said. “Not when I know that it’s my responsibility to run this ship.”

“Everyone is required to take leave, Kathryn, even captains. If it makes it easier, consider it a personal favor to me. To the whole crew. Everyone wants you to be healthy.”

“It’s just difficult to sit here,” Kathryn said. “You tell me to take a nap and I can’t fall asleep in the middle of the day. I know that I need to be taking care of things. I know that things are happening out there and I’m in here taking a nap. I just feel guilty. I can’t do it. Today I wasn’t sleeping. I was just sitting here feeling guilty about not being out there on the one hand and feeling guilty about not sleeping on the other.” 

Chakotay sighed. 

“I understand that,” he said. “I do. But you’ve got to rest. You can go back to work as soon as the doctor clears you, but we’re following what he says to the letter.”

“Don’t worry,” Kathryn assured him, “I’m not going to do anything to put the baby in danger. At least not purposefully. Not if I can avoid it. I know—I didn’t do a very good job of taking care of it on the planet.”

“You did what you could do,” Chakotay said. “That planet—what happened on that planet? None of it was your fault. It was all some sick plan of Seska’s to get to me. She wanted to hurt you, but she wanted to hurt me too. As soon as she knew you were pregnant, she knew there wouldn’t be a better way to hurt me.” Chakotay swallowed. Kathryn rolled enough to be able to face Chakotay and he propped himself up on his elbow to see her. He rested his hand on her stomach and she covered his hand with her own. “She knew—the worst thing she could do to me was put you and the baby in danger. The whole crew struggling to survive was going to be bad enough, but Seska would have known that the worst thing for me would be losing you.” 

“You didn’t lose me,” Kathryn reminded him. “And we didn’t lose the baby. And Naomi Wildman is doing better than I am. We lost a few people—but we didn’t lose as many as Seska wanted us to lose. She didn’t win.”

Chakotay nodded his head. He swallowed a few times in rapid succession to try to push down the emotions that were choking off his air at the moment and making it difficult enough for him to breathe that he might imagine he needed to go to sick bay and ask the doctor if he’d held onto the radish that they’d brought on board. 

Kathryn smiled softly at him.

“We can look for your son, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “If—you want to go after him? I would understand. We can find out what the Kazon customs are. We can find out what our chances are of—of getting him back.”

“The fact that you would offer that means the world to me,” Chakotay said. “But—he’s not my son.” 

“I’m sure that it will take some time, Chakotay, for you to feel...” Kathryn started, struggling to find the words that she thought might make it easier for him.

“He’s not my son, Kathryn,” Chakotay repeated, this time with a touch more force behind his words. “He’s actually not my son. The doctor had the chance to examine him. We don’t share the same DNA.”

Kathryn sat up slightly against her elbows. 

“He’s not your son?” She asked.

Chakotay forgave her for needing him to restate something that he’d just said.

“No,” Chakotay said. “So—I guess I’m even sorrier because I took you and everyone else on this rescue mission for my son and he was never my son. He didn’t even need to be rescued. He was half Cardassian and half Kazon.”

“He was Maje Cullah’s son,” Kathryn said.

“Or some Kazon,” Chakotay said with a laugh. He groaned, the thought of it all hitting him again with the full impact of realization. “I’m so sorry, Kathryn. Everything that everyone went through. Everything you went through. And he wasn’t even my son.” 

“This isn’t your fault, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “I don’t hold it against you and I can assure you that nobody else is going to hold it against you. You didn’t do this. You did what you thought was the right thing. This was Seska.”

Chakotay leaned and kissed Kathryn. She returned the kiss and held her eyes closed for a second after he pulled away from her. He loved when she looked like that over a simple kiss.

“Do you understand, now, why I couldn’t even stand the idea of going to see the pod ejected?” Chakotay asked. “I’m so angry with her that...”

“You have to let it go,” Kathryn said quickly. “That anger, Chakotay? You have to let it go. You have to find your peace again. Don’t let Seska take that away from you. She’s done enough to you and to all of us. She’s gone now. You have to let the anger go with her.”

“You’re my peace,” Chakotay offered.

“That’s what you once told me,” Kathryn said. “But—I’m here and you’re not very peaceful.”

“Because of everything I saw you go through,” Chakotay said. “Everything I thought...”

Kathryn sat up enough to bring her lips straight to Chakotay’s. This time it was Chakotay that closed his eyes in response. She took his voice and his breath. He hadn’t lied to her. She was his peace and just her touch had a way of making him lose himself so completely that he could forget what was happening around him. Hungrily, Chakotay went after more from the kiss when she threatened to pull away from him. She let him be the one to decide when he needed air more than her lips.

And then she smirked at him.

“I could think of some ways for both of us to relax,” she said. 

The coy expression she gave him wasn’t lost on Chakotay. Still, he shook his head at her. She looked genuinely disappointed and a little surprised.

“Not tonight, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I would feel better if—if you just rested tonight. When the fever’s broken and you’re...”

He hesitated to finish his statement, but he was relieved to find that he didn’t have to actually put the effort into searching for his missing words. Kathryn gently nodded her head. 

“I understand,” she said. She raised her eyebrows at him. “But—I’m holding you to it when I have a clean bill of health.”

Chakotay captured her lips again as a response. 

“I can’t wait,” he assured her.

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The fever broke during the night and Kathryn woke up feeling quite well except for her now-normal bout with morning sickness. Moments after taking the anti-nausea medication, though, she’d gotten that under control and she’d made her way to sick bay while Chakotay had started getting ready for his day.

The doctor checked her over from head to toe and declared her fit. The fever was gone and her oxygen levels were right where they were supposed to be. The baby checked out fine as well. Kathryn accepted the doctor’s request that she take it easy and try to avoid anything like what she’d just been through—which was something she wanted to avoid every bit as much as anyone wanted her to avoid it—and then she’d accepted his offer to withdraw his forced leave as soon as he’d been contacted by Neelix to confirm that she’d eaten a good breakfast.

Neelix had taken his job quite seriously and he’d served Kathryn her coffee and her breakfast the moment she’d entered the mess hall. She’d finished everything she possibly could, confident he’d report to the doctor down to the very last crumb, and then she’d considered herself released from the doctor’s care. 

When Kathryn walked onto the bridge, she didn’t miss the fact that everyone looked at her and their glances lingered a moment. She also didn’t miss the fact that there were some glances that shifted toward Chakotay.

“Captain,” Chakotay said.

“Commander,” Kathryn acknowledged. 

“Ensign,” Tom said.

“Lieutenant,” Harry responded quickly.

Kathryn laughed to herself and made her way to the captain’s chair. 

“OK,” she said. “We understand. Tom—how far are we from the planet? Did our little rendezvous with the Kazons put us very far off-course?”

“Actually, our little trip to the land of volcanos put us closer to the planet,” Tom said. “We’re in route and our estimated time of arrival is four days.”

“Excellent,” Kathryn said. “Are there any threats in the area?”

“Clear skies, Captain,” Harry said. 

“There are no signs of ships or planets in our immediate surroundings,” Tuvok clarified.

“Very good,” Kathryn said. She settled down in her chair, then, and smiled at Chakotay who was watching her with just a hint of a smile on his lips, his PADD now resting in his lap.

“Am I to assume that you were cleared by the doctor?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn nodded her head. 

“I have a clean bill of health and I ate the breakfast that earned me permission to re-assume my position,” Kathryn said.

“Skies are clear, Captain,” Chakotay said. “There really isn’t a need for both of us to be on the bridge...”

He was hinting that she could take some time off, and Kathryn knew it. And it was true. If there were no vessels or planets in their vicinity, they could absolutely take time off to spend it as they pleased. They weren’t required to simply wait on the bridge in the chance that one or both of them might be needed.

But Kathryn wasn’t in the mood to sit in her quarters and do nothing. 

“You’re absolutely right,” Kathryn agreed. “I have the bridge, Commander. I’ll call you if I need your assistance. You’re free to go. Dismissed.”

“That wasn’t...” Chakotay started, but he broke off. He nodded his head. “Very well. I have a few things that I need to take care of. Let me know if there are any advancements.”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“We will,” she assured him, settling back in her chair and picking up her own PADD. She was hoping that there wouldn’t be any need for any of them to be alarmed—at least not for some time. And she was sure, even if he wasn’t going to voice it, that Chakotay probably needed a little time to be alone with his thoughts, especially now that he could turn his attention away, entirely, from worrying about her. 

All was well and she had the bridge.


	29. Chapter 29

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

There’s a two/three day time jump, but nothing major. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Nobody was going to complain when they faced nothing but clear skies following their encounter with the Kazons. Kathryn was certainly happy for the lull. For a few days, it allowed everyone to pay attention to repairs that needed to be made and to get rest that everyone greatly deserved. Kathryn spent a good deal of time catching up on reading that she’d been meaning to do and making sure her logs were up to date.

Chakotay had spent most of his time off the bridge and Kathryn had allowed him all the time and space that he needed. He did rounds occasionally checking on things around the ship and he was always available via combadge, but there was simply no need to have the both of them always present on the bridge. 

She assumed that he needed time to think. He needed some time to himself. And she was more than willing to allow him whatever he needed. She didn’t take it to heart.

She did find it a little odd, though, when one evening Chakotay asked her to meet him in their quarters instead of going to the mess hall to meet him for their evening meal. She was starving and bordering on growing grumpy about it, but she diverted her steps and went to meet him instead of going to eat. 

“Chakotay?” Kathryn asked, coming through the doors of their quarters. He was standing and waiting for her. Instead of being dressed in his uniform to go to dinner, he was wearing a simple button down shirt and pants. “What’s going on?” 

He smiled at her. 

“I thought you might like to spend some time with me,” Chakotay said. “Just—relaxing.”

Kathryn smiled. He offered her a hand and she took it. She let him pull her to him and she gladly accepted the kiss that he offered her. 

“I would love to spend time with you,” Kathryn said, placing her hands on his chest to feel the warmth of him beneath the soft fabric of his shirt. “But—if that’s not going to involve something to eat? You’re going to have to talk to your child because I’m starving. I really am. And—I would skip the meal, but if I get too hungry then I’m going to get sick again and you’re probably not going to find that very attractive.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“It absolutely involves food,” Chakotay said. “I know you need to eat. And it involves both of us having the night off. I’ve already taken care of everything. The only thing you need to do is change your clothes and come with me. I put something on the bed for you.” 

Kathryn made her way to the bed. Folded there was a simple cotton dress in a faded red color. It was lovely. It was soft to the touch and Kathryn wasted no time working her way out of her uniform, fully aware that Chakotay was watching the show. 

“Are we eating in here?” Kathryn asked.

“No,” Chakotay said. 

“Where then?” Kathryn asked. “Since we’re not in uniform.”

“Just get dressed,” Chakotay said. “We’re not on duty. We’re free to be civilians for the time being.”

Kathryn didn’t argue with him. She slipped into the dress and slipped on the comfortable shoes that he’d put out for her. They were roomy enough that she considered keeping them, rather than recycling them later, so that she could wear them whenever she was lounging around their quarters. 

“I’m dressed,” Kathryn said. “You picked it out, do you like it?” 

“I love everything on you,” Chakotay said. “But it’s a nice color. I’ve seen you wear it before. At least, I’ve seen you wear something similar. Are you ready?” 

Kathryn nodded her head and she stepped forward when he offered his arm to her. She looped her arm in his. 

“I don’t get any sort of hint?” Kathryn asked.

“You’ll get all the hint you want,” Chakotay assured her. “Just as soon as we get there.”

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Kathryn couldn’t help but smile to herself as Chakotay held his hands over her eyes. She walked carefully forward, a little reluctant to take one step after another.

“I’m not going to trip over anything?” She asked.

“I wouldn’t let you fall, Kathryn,” Chakotay informed her.

“I know you would never let me fall on purpose,” Kathryn said, “but I might trip over my feet.”

“There’s nothing to trip over right now,” Chakotay said. “Just walk straight forward. A few more steps. Keep your eyes closed.”

Chakotay dropped his hands from Kathryn’s eyes and turned her around. She felt him holding her by the upper part of her arms and she smiled at him, sure that he was looking at her because she could practically feel his eyes on her. 

“I want you to remember that—it might not be perfect,” Chakotay said. “And it’s not entirely finished yet.”

“I don’t even know what it is,” Kathryn said, bringing her hands up to rest on his arms. “But I know it’ll be perfect.”

Chakotay pulled away from her and turned her body just a little more. 

“Open your eyes, Kathryn,” he commanded.

Kathryn looked around her, immediately overwhelmed. 

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. There were birds singing and there was the rustling of something moving around in a small wooded area nearby. The most beautiful thing that Kathryn saw, though, was a simple cabin. In front of it, in the grassy area nearby, there was a picnic blanket that was spread out with food. 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn breathed out.

“I couldn’t recreate it exactly,” Chakotay said. “But I asked B’Elanna to help me with the programming of the cabin. It’s almost exactly what ours would have been. I furnished it. Simply. A lot like it would have been on New Earth.”

Kathryn felt like she was practically choking. She felt warm tears rolling down her cheeks and she turned around to face him.

“Chakotay,” was all she managed to get out before he’d wrapped his arms around her and hugged her against him. She rubbed her face against his chest and he rubbed her back with his hand.

“Maybe I didn’t quite do what I set out to do,” Chakotay said. “Because I absolutely didn’t set out to make you cry. I thought it would be a nice holoprogram for the two of us to share. You said you have trouble relaxing because you’re on the ship. You’re the captain and you’re always aware of that. I understood, or at least I thought I did, exactly what you were talking about. I thought this could be a place where we could go and relax.”

“I’m crying because—it’s perfect,” Kathryn said. “That’s our house.”

Chakotay smiled to himself.

“It’s a pretty close holographic version of our house,” Chakotay said. “Your garden is over there, too. Just around there. So you can tend to your sprouts and—hum to them. Whatever it was you did to make them grow so well. It’s not done yet. There’s plenty more to add, but I thought that maybe I could add a bath tub. If you’re interested in that. You don’t have to decide right away.”

Kathryn slipped her hands behind Chakotay’s neck and pulled him to her for a kiss. He readily came, not making her do anything more to request it. He returned her kiss, too. He smiled at her when he pulled away from her.

“Am I to assume this means you like it?” Chakotay asked.

“I love it,” Kathryn said. “And I love you—so much. Chakotay, I...”

She broke off and Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“You don’t have to say anything else,” Chakotay said. “The look on your face means more than anything you could say. Come on, Kathryn. I replicated this food just before you came to our quarters, but we should eat it before it’s had too long to sit here.”

Chakotay gestured toward the picnic that was laid out and Kathryn took his hand when he offered it to her to support her while she sat down on the ground and folded her legs under her. He joined her, sitting on the blanket, before he handed her a mug of soup and a plate with a sandwich on it.

“The best thing about eating here is we can replicate whatever we want,” Chakotay said. “No faulty replicators like ours.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Is this—chicken soup?” She asked.

“It was the closest thing I could find to the soup that I made for you,” Chakotay said. “And I remembered you talking about liking soup and—you said peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. When you were little. I thought you might like to combine a few nostalgic moments.” Kathryn couldn’t help but laugh when her stomach growled at the suggestion and Chakotay laughed too. “Apparently the baby supports my idea.”

“I have to admit, Chakotay, it looks delicious, but I’m torn between not knowing if I want to eat first or if I—want to tear your clothes off make love to you right here on the grass.”

Kathryn saw a rush of color come to Chakotay’s face. As though they hadn’t made love countless times and in countless ways, the suggestion made his cheeks change their hue. He smiled at her, though. 

“I want you to eat your food, first,” Chakotay said. “I thought—I had a plan for how this night would go.”

“I’d love to hear it,” Kathryn said, already sure that she’d do anything in her power to make sure that Chakotay’s evening went as he desired.

“I asked for the night off—no disturbances unless there was an emergency,” Chakotay said. “And I thought we could have a nice dinner. I thought, afterwards, we could take a little tour of the house. I could show you what I dreamed it would look like for us. I thought we might—relax. Make love in the bed that I would have built for us. Spend the night there. We’re not on duty until after breakfast.”

“Sleep on the holodeck?” Kathryn asked. 

“Why not?” Chakotay asked. “That’s what the program was designed for. I wanted you to have a place, Kathryn, where you can go and just let it all go. We’ll build this to be our own little paradise.”

“Our home away from home?” Kathryn teased.

“Exactly,” Chakotay confirmed. “You needed somewhere to relax and, well, I’ve got a pretty good feeling that I’m going to enjoy it, too.”

Chakotay set about eating his own food, reminding Kathryn to eat hers. 

“What did you decide to have?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay hummed.

“A vegetable soup with one of your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,” Chakotay said. “I have to admit, it’s not bad.”

“It’s comforting,” Kathryn said around a mouthful of the comfort food. “You built us a bed?” 

“I always intended to build us a bed,” Chakotay said. “Something nicer than what we had. A nicer table. I was able to design all of that for the program in a lot less time than it would have taken me to build it.”

Kathryn looked around her.

“The worst part about it, Chakotay, is that I’m never going to be able to give you anything that’s going to impress you. You set the bar too high. I’m not creative enough to come up with something to top this.”

“I’ve got everything I need,” Chakotay assured her. “You married me. I have you. Forever.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes at him, but she couldn’t help but smile. Her face ached a little over how much time she’d spent smiling. He could do that to her most any day, though. It was a sensation that he was teaching her to consider familiar.

“That doesn’t count,” Kathryn said. “There has to be something you want. Something—special.”

Chakotay swallowed through half his sandwich in one bite and washed it down with some of his soup before he wiped his mouth on his napkin and leaned forward, toward Kathryn.

“Kathryn,” he said, his features void of any sign that he was joking and his tone steady and serious, “you are—the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Loving you? It gives me a something to look forward to when I get out of bed every morning. You are dedicating yourself to being the mother of my child—maybe even my children, depending on what the future holds. And you’re taking on everything that comes with that. That’s the greatest gift that you could give me. So, if you think about it that way? It really makes designing a holoprogram where you can get a good nap and...and support the growth of our child...a really simple and not very extraordinary thing to do.” 

“Let’s just get one thing straight,” Kathryn said. “I think everything you do is extraordinary, Chakotay. I don’t want to hear you call it otherwise.” 

Chakotay smiled at her. He nodded his head. 

“Fine. Eat your food,” Chakotay said. “I want to show you the house.”


	30. Chapter 30

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

This one has a NSFW warning for the first section. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Sometimes Kathryn liked to take charge of things. She liked to tell Chakotay what she wanted. She liked to anticipate what he might want and try to provide it before he’d even realized it himself. Other times, however, she handed herself over to him almost like a gift to do with what he pleased. She gave him complete control over her body. He was left to decide what their encounter would be like and she simply matched him, her energy flowing to meet with his.

Chakotay was more thankful to her for the gift of herself than he had ever been before. He hadn’t known how much he was craving her submission until it was happening. 

He had meant to be gentle with her. He’d meant to take his time worshipping her body. He’d meant to tease her until she couldn’t stand it any longer and then he’d meant to bring her to orgasm just as she was begging him not to make her wait any longer. 

Perhaps the only thing he’d managed to do out of all the things he’d intended to do was bring her to orgasm, but it hadn’t happened quite the way he’d first thought it would.

As soon as they’d begun, something had bubbled up in him. It had been something he’d felt unable to control. It was an absolute hunger for her. He couldn’t get close enough to her, fast enough. He had forgotten, entirely, to pay attention to her wants. He was only reminded, when he felt her body respond to him, shaking with her orgasm, that he was supposed to be thinking of her—of her needs. Somehow, it seemed, she’d gotten what she needed out of their coming together, but it hadn’t been for his care and dedication.

And for that, he breathed out a chain of apologies as soon as he found his breath again.

Kathryn covered his body with her own and further tangled herself with him in the sheets and blankets of the bed that they shared. She rubbed her hand across his face and stole what little breath he had with her kisses. 

She softly shushed his apologies and lingered over him, her hand still on his face, smiling at him with endearment. 

“I didn’t hurt you?” Chakotay breathed out. 

Kathryn renewed her smile and shook her head. 

“No,” she breathed out. “No. You didn’t hurt me. That was—it was amazing, Chakotay. But—I do have to ask if you want to talk about it. Whatever you were feeling.”

Chakotay sat up and practically spilled Kathryn to the bed beside him. She took one of the crumpled up pillows and rested against it. Chakotay dragged his hand through his sweat soaked hair and eased out of the bed, casting aside the blankets and sheets that were practically soggy with the sweat the two of them had poured out in their exertions. 

The greatest difference between their home on New Earth and their holohome was the fact that they had a world of technology at their fingertips. Chakotay had been able to customize their home in ways that he never would have been able to do on New Earth. Their ready supply of water was one of those things.

He washed his face in the sink and dampened a rag to wipe himself clean. He rinsed the rag in the sink and wrung out the excess water before he returned to the bed. He sat down next to Kathryn and pushed the blankets back. Finding her thigh, he opened her up to him and gently wiped her clean. She lie on her back, her hand under her head now, watching him. She allowed him the act of care of cleaning her body, even if she was more than capable of doing it for herself. 

She knew, perhaps, that it was something he simply needed to do.

“Sometimes what I’m thinking isn’t something I’m necessarily proud of,” Chakotay offered.

Kathryn laughed quietly.

“I think it’s fair to say we all have thoughts we aren’t proud of,” Kathryn said. “I’d still like to know what you were thinking.”

“Honestly?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn nodded her head. She wanted to know the truth. She wanted to know his truth. She’d accept it, even if it wasn’t the most beautiful thought that he could have. “I was thinking that you were—that you were mine. I was thinking that I just wanted to be close to you. I wanted...” He stopped. “Maybe I’m not even sure what I was thinking.”

“Did you get what you wanted?” Kathryn asked. 

“I always do,” Chakotay said. “You always give me that.”

He pushed the blanket further to the side and dropped the cloth he’d used on the floor. He rearranged himself, lifting Kathryn’s leg so that he could slip under it. He kissed the inside of her thigh. 

He worked his way, kissing each inch as he covered it, to her core and he breathed in the smell of her. Her scent was warm and welcoming and entirely Kathryn. It was familiar and, perhaps oddly, he found it comforting.

“The question is if you got what you wanted,” Chakotay said. He moved to the other thigh. He kissed it and, this time, he drew a line with his tongue up to the crook of her leg. She responded by stiffening her back—voluntarily or involuntarily—and lifting herself up and toward him. He smiled to himself.

“You don’t have to,” Kathryn said, her body’s behavior at least a little out of her control. 

Rather than tease her too long or try to torture her too much, Chakotay simply responded to her insistence that he didn’t have to do what he wanted to do by latching onto her. He sucked gently where he knew it would draw her attention most. She let out a gurgling noise as she tried to swallow back her response and Chakotay released her to get control of his laughter over the sometimes surprising and, perhaps, even a little unbecoming sounds that slipped out during times like this. 

“I want to,” Chakotay said. “You don’t want it?” He asked.

He lowered his face, this time simply breathing—blowing his breath against her. When he looked at her, her eyes were closed and she moved her mouth like she was anticipating tasting something delicious. 

“Kathryn,” he said softly, “I’m not going to until you let me know if it’s something you want me to do. Do you want it?”

“Mmmm hmmm,” she moaned out at him, barely putting sound to her declaration. She nodded her head and Chakotay took that as all the permission he needed. He closed his eyes, the taste of her and the feel of her on his tongue and his fingers bringing him the kind of enjoyment that was best when he lessened his senses by one.

Maybe he hadn’t been as kind to her as he’d meant to be before, but this time he tried to make it more about her. He tried to listen to the sounds that she made and the way she moved her body, lifting and twisting her hips to beg more from him. He lingered after her first orgasm, after her second. It was supposed to be about her, but he couldn’t help if the simple act of knowing he brought her to her third—when she cried out to him for mercy in the best way possible—finished him as completely as it did her. 

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Kathryn jumped at the sound of the hypospray more than the feel of it, her heart jolting her into consciousness. Still, unsure of exactly what had woken her, Chakotay quietly hushed her and tried to soothe any discomfort she might have by rubbing his fingers gently over her neck.

“I just thought I’d get a jump start on the nausea,” he said softly, his mouth close enough to her ear that Kathryn felt his breath. She sucked in air and sighed. He pressed the hypospray to her neck again and then kissed her face. “Vitamins. While I have you still.” 

Kathryn opened her eyes and found him. He was smiling at her. He was dressed already in the clothes that they’d worn to the holodeck. She tried to swallow and found that her throat was dry. She didn’t have to voice her desire for water, though, it appeared in front of her before she could even find the words. Kathryn thanked Chakotay quietly for the water and sat up to drink it. It was cool and it tasted like heaven at the moment.

“What time is it?” Kathryn asked. She looked around her. The holohome that Chakotay had created for them was flooded in sunlight. Kathryn was wrapped up in a massive knot of sheets and blankets. It had to be mid-afternoon. “Mmmm...we should have been on the bridge hours ago. Even if there’s nothing happening, we have to report.”

Chakotay laughed. 

“It’s 0400 hours,” Chakotay said. “You have plenty of time for a shower in our quarters and breakfast before you’re expected on the bridge at 0700 hours today. You could probably take another nap if you want to.”

“It’s so bright,” Kathryn commented, raising her arm to block the sun from shining in her eyes.

“I only programmed day and night so far,” Chakotay said. “I haven’t worked on dawn and dusk just yet.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“The whole crew will be horrified if they know we spent all night fucking on the holodeck,” Kathryn mused.

“Not quite all night,” Chakotay said. “We got some sleep. But—I feel like they wouldn’t be too surprised. Besides, I’ve seen some of the holoprograms in those databases. We’re not the only ones fucking on the holodeck, we just happen to be some of the only ones who are doing it with other actual crew members. At least—that we know of.”

Chakotay leaned forward and Kathryn put her hand up to stop him from seeking the kiss that she knew he wanted.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “A little air?” 

“Sick?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out. Their child, she was sure, did not care for mornings at all. In fact, the baby hated morning so much that it often began to protest the coming morning in the middle of the night. 

“A little bit,” Kathryn said, blowing out her words with the breath she released.

“The medicine will kick in soon,” Chakotay said.

“I know,” Kathryn confirmed.

“You need to be sick?” He asked.

“No,” Kathryn said. “I’m sorry. I just—needed air.”

He leaned toward her and, this time, he didn’t search out her lips. Instead he planted a soft kiss on her forehead and Kathryn smiled to herself over the tender touch of his lips.

“OK?” He asked when he pulled back.

“Perfect,” Kathryn said. “I’m already feeling better. I just need a minute.”

“You have time,” Chakotay said. “No rush. We’ll go back to the quarters. Shower. Neelix will move you ahead of everyone else for breakfast. You know that. The minute you walk in the door.”

“I wish he wouldn’t do that,” Kathryn said. It was a little amusing, though, because it was true. Since they’d found out that she was expecting, Neelix had moved her up to some kind of extra-extra-important status in the mess hall. The moment that she walked in the door he nearly fell over himself to offer her the best of what he had to serve without so much as a moment’s wait.

“Well he’s going to,” Chakotay said. “Just like Tuvok is going to offer to take extra shifts on the bridge and Tom is going to offer to do the same. Just like the doctor is going to insist that you come in to see him every week just for a quick check and Kes is going to remind me constantly that she doesn’t mind dropping by our quarters if you need her at any hour.” He laughed to himself, clearly pleased with everyone’s desire to do something for her. “Face it, Kathryn, I was right. This baby—our baby? Everyone loves it already. You’re just going to have to learn to deal with that. They love you—almost as much as I do. It’s only natural that they’re going to want to take care of you.”

Kathryn hummed at him. Finally feeling like her stomach was settled enough for her to start her day, she pushed back the blanket and turned her body to sit on the edge of the bed next to Chakotay. She ran her hand through her hair. There would be no getting it back in the bun before she washed it. The best she could do right now was brush it and hope it was enough to get her back to her quarters without doing some kind of horrifying walk of shame from the holodeck to their quarters.

“I did have clothes here, didn’t I?” Kathryn asked, ignoring what Chakotay had said about everyone’s dedication to their unborn child. “Is it safe to assume my dress and—underwear—are still around? And—something to tame my hair?” 

Chakotay got up from the bed and returned just a moment later with everything she’d requested. He’d folded her dress, put what appeared to be clean underwear and her bra on top, and he’d put a hairbrush there with a clip that she could use to tie her hair back.

“You thought of everything?” Kathryn asked. 

“I tried,” Chakotay said. “But it isn’t perfect yet.”

Kathryn looked around their room. She was on Voyager. When they stepped out of the holodeck doors, they’d be in the corridor and only a short walk from their shared quarters and even the bridge. She was still the captain and she was only a combadge call away from being notified of anything that took place. Yet, truthfully, she felt entirely removed from all that. She felt relaxed, just like Chakotay had hoped she would. She felt like any worries she might have were a lightyears away, even if they were just beyond the doors.

“It’s perfect,” Kathryn assured him. “And you’re perfect.” 

Chakotay offered her a sincere smile. 

“Just hold onto that,” he said. “And remember it in the future. When you need it. Get dressed enough to make the trip back to our quarters. We’ll take a shower. And, Kathryn? Any time you want it—our home will be here. All you have to do is request it and the computer will provide it.”

Kathryn smiled to herself. She remembered the name from the night before when Chakotay had requested the computer load the program.

“Holodeck Program Taking Root?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay hummed at her. 

“It seemed fitting,” Chakotay said. “While I was designing the program I had a lot of time to reflect on our time there. A lot took root there. You and me. The baby. It felt like the program was just another way for it to keep growing here.”

“It’s perfect,” Kathryn assured him again.

“The name?” He asked. “Or do you mean the program?”

“I mean absolutely everything,” Kathryn said. “Come on, Commander, let’s get ready before they send someone looking for us and discover our little hideaway.”


	31. Chapter 31

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The marketplace was busy and clean from what Kathryn could see from the spot where they’d been beamed down. The Oqu were a technologically advanced race, but they still seemed to enjoy a certain amount of simplicity from what Kathryn could tell. The biodome surrounding their marketplace controlled every aspect of their environment, but they’d chosen to create a pleasant environment that was warm and welcoming and not at all as cold or mechanical as it could be. 

They all stood on the spot where they’d been cleared to beam and waited for the arrival of the Oqu that had greeted them on screen earlier and invited them to the planet for some trading. 

When he approached, accompanied by two other Oques, Kathryn smiled and stepped forward to greet him. She bowed gently, the customary greeting of the Oqu according to Neelix. 

“I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager,” Kathryn said. “And you must be Odine.”

The Oqu bowed and offered Kathryn a smile. 

The Oqu were humanoids. Their features were sharper than most human features, but even that could be explained away as simply being characteristics of the evolution of this particular group of people. What really set the Oqu apart from humans in appearance was their staggering height. 

Even wearing her boots, which gave her some added height, Kathryn was bowing at the belt-level of the Oqu and she had to look almost straight up to make eye contact with the alien that was looking down at her in an equally comical fashion. 

It was difficult not to feel very small and at least a little bit vulnerable in the presence of the aliens. The only thing that made the experience more comfortable was knowing, from Neelix, that the Oqu were a peaceful race.

“Welcome to our marketplace,” Odine said. “This is Owak and this is Omala. They’re here to help show you around. Today is our market day and it can get quite crowded. It can be easy to lose your way among all the Oques gathered.”

“We would appreciate the help,” Kathryn assured him. She wasn’t so sure that they’d get lost in the marketplace normally, but they were at a disadvantage. Their height meant that they wouldn’t be able to look around the aliens to see where they were or to try to get their bearings. 

Choosing an away team to visit a friendly planet was difficult. It was the kind of away mission that everyone wanted to take and her crew suddenly became like children squabbling over the mission and begging her with doe eyes to choose them over someone else. At the end of it, Kathryn had decided to go with B’Elanna herself, and she’d allowed B’Elanna to make a selection out of the crew for someone to shadow her. B’Elanna had chosen Tom to help her haggle with prices. When Chakotay had dragged Kathryn away to quietly protest the fact that she was leaving him with the bridge and to handle a meeting that would take place on board Voyager, Kathryn had chosen Neelix to come and keep her company while she explored the new planet and its people, promising Chakotay that she’d stay constantly in the company of at least one of their crew.

Neelix stepped forward and offered the customary bow that was mirrored by the Oques standing in front of them. 

“Our Chief Engineer, Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres, and Lieutenant Tom Paris will be needing assistance searching for some special pieces of technology that might benefit our ship. The captain and I would just like to take the opportunity to walk around and see what the marketplace has to offer. We’d like to—to browse, if you will.”

“Absolutely,” Odine responded. “But—we require absolute transparency with our guests. We’re a peaceful species. Honesty and transparency are important to us. We frown upon deceit of any kind.” 

“We understand,” Kathryn assured him. “We’ll be honest. We’re here to make some purchases, but we’ll deal fairly with your vendors. From our earlier conversation, we understand your trading practices and we’re willing to offer whatever information, goods, or—or technology—that we can exchange.”

Odine nodded and Kathryn rolled her shoulders back and did her best not to let her face show any of the discomfort that she felt over holding her neck at such a dramatic angle for any length of time. She took a step back to make the angle of her neck a little more natural. If she was going to have to look up at Odine—or any other Oqu— for the rest of the day, she was going to have to find ways to lessen the strain it caused on her neck. 

“We are concerned about your reason for cloaking one of your crew members,” Odine said. 

“I beg your pardon?” Kathryn asked.

“When we asked how many of your people would be coming to the surface, so that we could adjust our support systems accordingly, you informed us that we should prepare for four of you,” Odine said. 

Kathryn looked around and took a quick headcount. They were there and accounted for. 

“I beg your pardon,” Kathryn repeated. “But there are four of us. Myself, Tom, B’Elanna, and Neelix.”

“There are five,” Odine said. “Our technology is sensitive enough to pick up even cloaked individuals as a matter of security. Everyone is welcome here, but only if they are willing to enter openly and honestly. We programmed in the four of you for the visit, but the computer system detected your fifth travelling companion upon your arrival. We’ve made adjustments to the system to support this number, but we have to inquire about the reason for you deceit. It causes us some trepidation regarding moving forward with this meeting.” 

Kathryn shook her head at him.

“I don’t...” she started.

“Captain,” Neelix said. 

“Just a moment, Neelix,” Kathryn said. “Odine, I’m sorry for the confusion but we don’t have anyone else with us, cloaked or otherwise.”

“Captain,” Neelix said, this time tapping her on the shoulder.

“What is it, Neelix?” Kathryn asked, trying not to show that she was annoyed with his clearly urgent need to interrupt her. 

He must have heard her irritation, or else he saw it in her features, because apology or uneasiness registered on his face. Neelix glanced at Odine and then back at her. He rocked on his feet like he was searching for the words he wanted to say and the will to say them.

“Yes, Neelix,” Kathryn said, trying to control her tone a bit more this time. “What is it?” 

“I was just going to say, Captain, that it’s possible that—given that their sensors are highly sensitive—it might be possible that they’re detecting five people in our party because...”

“I think what Neelix is trying to say,” Tom interrupted, “is that you, Captain, may have carried our cloaked crew member to the surface without realizing the need to include him or her in a headcount.” 

Realization struck Kathryn. Then she laughed to herself. 

“I’m sorry, Odine,” Kathryn said. “There’s been a misunderstanding.”

“A misunderstanding?” Odine asked. 

“I am, to put it bluntly, pregnant,” Kathryn said. “Carrying a child. I’m still adjusting to the change and—I didn’t think about the fact that you might need to adjust for that life form as well. Please forgive me. I didn’t set out to deceive you. There is no cloaked crew member with us.” She patted her stomach, which showed no signs of the nine week old baby she carried—something so small, yet big enough to put the Oqu species on alert. “There’s only the four of us and the baby that I’m carrying.”

“You wouldn’t mind if we were to scan you individually to confirm the truth of this statement, would you?” Odine asked.

“Certainly not,” Kathryn said. “I’d be happy to let you confirm it so you’d know that we mean to be entirely honest and open here.”

“Unless,” Tom interjected quickly and loudly. His face ran a little red when he had the attention of everyone. He looked a little sheepish, but he didn’t back down. “Unless the scans could prove harmful to the baby,” Tom said. “Human babies, especially while developing and at such a young age of development, can be particularly susceptible to damage from dangerous rays and radiation.” 

Odine nodded at Tom and offered him a smile. 

“I assure you, our technology is safe,” Odine said to Tom before he directed his attention back to Kathryn. “And it will only take a moment. I just ask that you step here—just far enough away from your crew that the readings will only detect your life sign.” He glanced back in Tom’s direction before he looked back at Kathryn. “The father is even welcome to watch to be sure that we are honest about our practices.”

Kathryn swallowed quickly to stifle her laughter, but Tom’s face immediately registered something akin to humiliation. 

“It’s OK,” Kathryn assured him, hoping that he’d understand that she meant that both the scan and the fact that Odine had mistaken his concern for being a father’s concern were OK. 

Odine scanned her and immediately looked satisfied with the results. Kathryn reminded herself that, moving forward, she’d need to inquire whether or not babies in utero needed to be included in head counts that she may be required to give to any future alien species they may encounter.

“Very good,” Odine said. “I am relieved that this clarifies the situation. If you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with one of your crew members that I must attend to discuss some trading that is to take place. You will be in good hands with Owak and Omala. They’ll show you around the market and help you to find anything you may need. It was nice to meet you and I welcome you back to our planet any time you may wish to return.” 

“Thank you,” Kathryn said. “And I’m sincerely sorry for the confusion.”

“It’s nothing to be concerned about,” Odine assured her. “It was an honest mistake.” 

“The best kind of mistakes, right?” Kathryn asked. Her joke was lost on Odine. They might have superior technology, but they did not have superior wit. 

Kathryn bowed to him to take her leave of him and then she greeted Owak and Omala a second time with the customary greeting. 

“Tom—sweetheart?” Kathryn teased. 

Tom made a noise in his throat that expressed some level of discomfort or embarrassment. Kathryn stifled her laughter, but B’Elanna didn’t bother trying to hide her amusement. Tom though, good sport that he was, didn’t waste too much time in playing along.

“Yes—dear?” He asked. 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“You and B’Elanna should go ahead. She knows what she’s looking for so just follow her lead. Remember to be fair and honest. They’re working out some trades for technology, but you’re free to make decisions about lesser exchanges—particularly those of information. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go with Neelix. I’d like to see a little bit more of the market and we’ll have a look around for anything we might want to bring back on board for the crew,” Kathryn said. 

Kathryn licked her lips. She couldn’t hide her smile entirely. Tom’s cheeks were still red from the misunderstanding. 

“That sounds fine to me, dear,” he said. “Just make sure you’re careful.”

Neelix dropped his arm around Kathryn’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, Lieutenant,” he offered. “I’ll take good care of her. I’ll take good care of both of them.”

“I’m sure you will,” Tom muttered back as he tapped B’Elanna’s arm and gestured for her to bow toward the Oqu that had been introduced to them as Owak. 

“You are Omala?” Kathryn asked, turning her attention to the female Oqu that was patiently waiting with a smile on her face. 

Omala bowed forward and nodded. Kathryn was thankful, at least, that the Oqu woman kept enough distance between them that Kathryn didn’t have to look straight up to see her. 

“What would you be interested in seeing first of our market?” Omala asked. 

Kathryn looked at Neelix. He wasn’t giving her anything. Still, their job was just to explore for things they might want to make Voyager more comfortable. 

“How about your food?” Kathryn asked. “Produce? We might find some things we want to take back to the ship to try. Neelix is our chef on Voyager. He’s offered a selection of food and seeds to trade, so we’d be interested in seeing if you have anything we haven’t encountered before.” 

“Excellent,” Omala said. “You’ll find that we have a lot of nutritious fruits and vegetables that are native to our planet.”

“She’s right,” Neelix offered. “The Oquelian Blackfruit is native to this planet. It’s said to be good for brain development. You might be interested in it, Captain. The Oqu people are passionate about consuming it during their gestation for helping with the development of their offspring.”

“He’s right,” Omala said. “We have a number of foods that we consider essential to Oqu gestation. What did you say your species was called?”

“Neelix is Talaxian,” Kathryn offered. “I’m human.”

“And your mate is human, so your child is human?” Omala asked.

Kathryn knew very well that Omala assumed, wrongfully, that Tom was her “mate,” but there was no use in correcting her. It really didn’t matter who the Oqu thought to be the father of her child. They would do some trading and they would be on their way. This was nothing more than a business encounter with a new species that they could add to their knowledge of Delta Quadrant species. 

“Yes, my child is human,” Kathryn said.

“And there is only one?” Omala asked.

“One?” Kathryn asked.

“Child that you are carrying,” Omala clarified.

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I hope so,” she said. “One at a time. But, yes, there’s only one.”

“Oqu women typically have several offspring at once,” Neelix offered. 

“Three is common,” Omala said. “Four or five is sometimes expected, depending mostly on family history.”

“One is common for humans,” Kathryn said. “But like your people, there are some families where it’s common to have more than that.” She looked around her as they walked. It was nice to stretch her legs on a planet’s surface where she wasn’t constantly afraid of what horror awaited them around the next corner. “Your planet is lovely. I could spend all day just walking around your market.”

“Everything here is designed to create the perfect environment,” Omala informed her. “Our planet was once much less comfortable, but the bio-environments regulate everything so that the weather is always exactly to our liking except when we are moving between one environment and another. I would like to know more about human gestation, Captain. We don’t know much about humans. The food vendors are just over there. Would you do me the kindness of entertaining me while we walk?”


	32. Chapter 32

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

Thank you for your support! I’m so glad you’re enjoying this! I’m still loving sharing it with you all! 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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The Oqu were technologically advanced enough that they had very little need for Federation technology in and of itself, and they were a species that traded on acts and services rather than currency. Chakotay had invited Odine, an alien that was equivalent to an ambassador for their species, back to Voyager and he’d allowed him to have a look around to see if there was anything that interested him on the ship. Otherwise, they would end up feeling indebted to the Oqu for anything they gave them because they were having an almost impossible time finding any form of payment and the payment of simple information about their various species didn’t feel like it was sufficient for the generosity that the Oqu expressed. 

Odine was laughably too large for the ship and he had to nearly walk doubled over to move anywhere. Chakotay had apologized to him for the size of the vessel and the height of its ceilings, but Odine seemed to find a great deal of humor in the situation rather than annoyance. 

Odine’s only true interest in Voyager had been in the replicator technology. He’d asked for the opportunity to examine one of the replicators in the mess hall closely and Chakotay had given him all the time that he might need to do so. While he satisfied his curiosity, Odine told Chakotay about the meeting—which he claimed to have thoroughly enjoyed—with Kathryn and the others on the surface. 

Chakotay had listened to the whole of Odine’s story without saying much, and he’d laughed about the mix up over the baby being their fifth and, perhaps, cloaked crew member. He was careful, though, not to offer Odine any more information about the child so as to not dispute any beliefs that the jovial Oqu had about the first human child with which he’d had any sort of contact.

Satisfied that the replicator technology was something that could serve his people, and confident that the little amount of time he’d spent studying the replicator was enough to satisfactorily recreate it on his planet, Odine had bid farewell to Chakotay and had been beamed back to the surface only moments before the away team was returned to the ship with their goods and their course was resumed. 

Kathryn stayed on the bridge long enough to see that they were back on course and the skies surrounding them were clear, and then she excused herself to go and have a look at all that B’Elanna had chosen to bring back from the planet’s surface. 

One by one, with nothing to keep them there, people started to find their way off the bridge for one reason or another. It wasn’t long before Chakotay found himself in charge of the bridge and alone there with nobody else except Tom Paris. Chakotay couldn’t help but be pleased, too, over the circumstances because he’d wanted to get the chance to talk to Tom since Odine had left the ship.

“What did you think of the Oqu?” Chakotay asked.

“Are you talking to me, Commander?” Tom asked after a moment.

“We’re the only two left on the bridge,” Chakotay pointed out.

“I didn’t notice that everybody left,” Tom said. “They’re very friendly. I have to admit, though, it was a little bit daunting being down there in a crowd of them. I felt like I was a little kid again. Or maybe like I was some kind of animal—just waiting to get crushed by someone who wasn’t looking where they were going.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“They have a certain interest in humans,” Chakotay said. “Odine said that they prefer to trade technology and information with other species over anything else because that’s how they learn and advance. He was very interested in our replicators and the common foods that we enjoy."

“Our guide, Owak, had a fascination for our ships and, as soon as he found out I’d done some piloting, he wanted to know about our ships and flight practices all the way back to the Wright brothers. To be honest, I didn’t really get to help B’Elanna at all. She asked me to just keep talking to him so that she didn’t have to entertain him.”

Chakotay laughed.

“They’re a friendly and curious species,” Chakotay said. 

“Maybe a little too friendly,” Tom said. “B’Elanna started to get annoyed with them. I don’t think any of them realized how dangerous that could be for them. They’re not very knowledgeable about Klingons either.”

“I’d rather deal with inquisitive aliens any day than aggressive ones,” Chakotay mused. “Odine did tell me something interesting, though, while he was telling me about his meeting with you and the rest of the away team.” Chakotay thought he saw Tom’s face flush, but he couldn’t be sure because Tom suddenly turned away from him to carefully study the panels in front of him. Chakotay swallowed back his desire to laugh. “When were you going to tell me, Tom, about your...relationship with the captain?” 

Tom laughed to himself. Chakotay could see the movement even though he stifled the noise. 

“Man—I’m sorry about that,” Tom said. “I swear I didn’t say anything to make him think that. I only suggested that the scan he was proposing wouldn’t be a good idea if it could prove harmful to the baby.”

Chakotay laughed then, not trying to hold it back.

“It’s fine,” Chakotay said. “To be honest? I was happy to hear it. The captain can sometimes get so involved in what she’s doing that she forgets little details like that. She’s still adjusting to the pregnancy and sometimes things like that can slip her mind. It makes me feel more comfortable knowing that there are people who are helping to look out for things. I’m glad that you were looking out for her. For both of them.” 

Tom nodded his head and smiled sincerely in Chakotay’s direction.

“I’ll keep doing it, Commander,” Tom said. “Even if it gets me mistaken for the father on away missions.” 

Chakotay laughed.

“If that’s what it takes to keep everyone safe, I’ll designate everyone on the crew as co-fathers,” Chakotay responded.

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“It’s a mobile emitter,” B’Elanna explained, holding the device in her palm so that Kathryn could look at it. “It eliminates the need for the doctor to remain in sick bay. With this, he’ll be able to travel anywhere on the ship. He’ll be able to travel anywhere, actually, even participating in away missions. We just have to download his program into the emitter and he’ll be free to move about as naturally as you or I would.”

Kathryn picked up the small piece of technology and turned it over in her hand, careful not to damage it. 

Their trip to meet the Oqu had been quite successful. Neelix had come back with a variety of food and seeds that they were only too happy to share. He’d exchanged some of their own food and seeds for the produce, expanding the culinary possibilities of both Voyager and the planet. Kathryn had learned a great deal about the Oqu that she was able to record for future knowledge about the aliens of the Delta Quadrant and, in exchange, she’d allowed Omala to ask her just about any question she wanted to ask and she’d indulged her requests to engage in some non-invasive exploration of Kathryn’s body—clearly fascinated by the differences between human and Oqu gestation. B’Elanna had gathered enough items that they were almost afraid that they would have to request that a shuttle come for them. Fortunately, though, they were able to carry her items while they were beamed aboard. All they’d really had to trade for the technology was some information about the various species on Voyager and the information that Odine collected about their replicators through his simple examination of one of the machines.

Now Kathryn was holding something in her hand which, if it worked, would give their doctor the ability to be an individual that functioned outside of the holographic parameters of sick bay. It was technology they hoped to develop themselves, someday, but they hadn’t quite been sure how that would work or when they’d be able to accomplish such a feat.

“Where did they get this technology?” Kathryn asked. 

Ozina was the Oqu woman who sold it to me,” B’Elanna said. “She said they’re a very common form of entertainment there. She said that their biodomes are all equipped for holographic projections of all kinds and that much of their world and their experiences are enhanced by holograms. There was a problem, though, because the entire planet isn’t surrounded by biodomes and the holograms couldn’t travel beyond the walls of the biodomes. This meant that the Oqu would have to leave their holograms behind, at least temporarily, when moving from one environment to another. They first discovered the technology about a decade ago when they did some trades with another ship that passed through the Quadrant. They adopted the ship’s technology so that they could project their holograms outside of the biodomes.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“They assimilated this technology to basically keep playing with their fantasies,” Kathryn said. “Is that it?” 

“That’s essentially it, Captain,” B’Elanna said. 

“Fascinating,” Kathryn said. “But—if it works, it could greatly improve our quality of life. It would mean the doctor could travel around the ship. It would be excellent in the case of an emergency.”

“If it works as well as they say it will,” B’Elanna said, “then it can also mean that the doctor can go on away missions. That could mean that he could be available to treat people out there that might not be able to make it back to the ship.”

“Have you tried it yet?” Kathryn asked. She gave B’Elanna back the small device.

“Not yet,” B’Elanna said. “I’ll need to make a few adjustments to it. The Oqu technology isn’t a perfect match for Federation technology, but it can be adapted. I’ll probably have it working within the next few days.”

“What about travel?” Kathryn asked. “Did you find anything that might get us home sooner?” 

“Nothing as miraculous as what we were hoping for,” B’Elanna said. “But we did get the chance to talk to one of the engineers for their ships and I got some information from him that might help me modify our own engines enough to gain a little more speed without compromising safety.”

“How much more speed?” Kathryn asked.

“I’m not sure,” B’Elanna said. She sucked in a breath and sighed. “But whether it takes 10 years off our trip or one, it’s better than nothing.”

“How long before you’ll know if you’re able to adapt that technology to work with our engines?” Kathryn asked.

B’Elanna shrugged and shook her head. 

“At least a week,” she said. “And even then, it’s a starting point, Captain. It just means that I’ve got something to work with. I can keep tweaking it to see if I can improve on the model we’re starting with.”

“Very well,” Kathryn said. “I’d say the trip to meet the Oqu was a success. I hope you weren’t too disappointed, B’Elanna.”

“No, Captain,” B’Elanna assured her. “I wanted them to have more, but I understand that it was unrealistic to think that these aliens would have everything that I could possibly dream of in the way of technology. They did have some things that will help me out, though. The mobile emitter is going to cut down on my work to develop a holographic system for the doctor to use throughout the ship. It’s even better than what I imagined I could design. And—I’m pretty hopeful about the modifications to the engines.” 

“Good,” Kathryn said. 

She patted B’Elanna on the shoulder. She could see that the woman was somewhat bothered that she hadn’t found the miracle that would get them back to the Alpha Quadrant overnight, but that disappointment would pass. 

“I’m glad we made the detour,” Kathryn told her.

“Thank you, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “I know that Tuvok thought it wasn’t the best way to spend our time.”

“Leutienent Tuvok will be pleased with what we got on the planet,” Kathryn assured B’Elanna. “And I’m excited to see the results once you’ve adapted this new technology.” She laughed to herself. “I’ve got a pretty good feeling, though, that the doctor is the one who’s going to be most pleased with these developments. Do let me know when you’ve got him ready to take his maiden voyage around the ship. I’d love to be there to see him when he gets the chance to first leave sick bay.”

B’Elanna smiled sincerely, clearly enjoying the idea of freeing the hologram-turned-friend from his confinement. 

“I’ll be sure to let you know, Captain,” B’Elanna assured her. 

“We’ll make it a party,” Kathryn said. “We’ll tell Neelix to prepare something. It’ll be a good excuse for the crew to come together and relax while we celebrate the doctor’s full immersion into the crew.”


	33. Chapter 33

AN: I hope you like the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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They were few days past the Oqu planet and they hadn’t encountered any signs of life. Everyone kept themselves occupied with tasks, but the overall mood onboard Voyager was relaxed and easy. There was, at times, even a hint of boredom in the air. Most of them, however, were enjoying the peace and the opportunity to devote themselves to catching up on quiet endeavors of their own choosing. 

Sitting on the bridge, reading through files he’d downloaded into his PADD, Chakotay kept watching Kathryn out of the corner of his eye. She was either attempting to read something on her PADD or was pretending to read something, but it was clear that she wasn’t actually accomplishing much. From time to time, she somewhat dropped her head forward like she was threatening nodding off to sleep, and at least four times Chakotay had seen her digging her fingertips into her temples. When the fifth or sixth quiet sigh escaped past her lips, Chakotay decided that he was free to inquire about her well-being. He lowered his PADD to his lap.

“Captain,” he said quietly. He waited for her to look at him. She didn’t just look at him. She glared at him. He swallowed so he wouldn’t appear amused by her expression. “Is—everything OK?”

Her expression didn’t soften. Chakotay had seen hostile aliens regard him with more loving affection than he saw in his wife’s expression at the moment. 

“I’m fine,” Kathryn offered dismissively.

“Are you certain?” Chakotay asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

“You aren’t required, as part of your job description, to keep a permanent check on my well-being,” Kathryn offered, her tone sharp and full of warning. 

“Woo,” Tom let out. Although his declaration wasn’t too loud, he didn’t exactly try to keep his feelings to himself. From behind them, Harry did a poor job of hiding his amusement.

Chakotay swallowed and nodded his head. If he were in the mood to let Kathryn’s words—or even her expression—bother him, he might have felt himself thoroughly scolded. As it was, though, he wasn’t even feeling the sting she intended for him to feel. He was having a hard time hiding his own amusement, but he was fully aware that it was possibly going to irritate her more if she were to get a whiff of it. 

“It is part of my job to ensure the well-being of the captain,” Chakotay pointed out. “That would include her health. Therefore I’m simply doing my job.” 

Kathryn blew out her breath and her features instantly softened. In fact, not only did they soften, but they seemed to swing entirely in the other direction. She frowned at him and his chest tightened up with the nervous feeling that she might actually begin to shed tears over something as simple as his recitation of his job description.

“It’s just a headache,” Kathryn said. She pressed her fingers to her temple again. “I’m sorry—I didn’t mean for that to be so harsh. I honestly don’t know what’s—wrong with me.”

“I believe I might,” Tuvok offered. “You are pregnant, Captain. It is not uncommon for there to be hormonal fluctuations taking place in your body. They are natural. Even Vulcan women experience them and sometimes express the need to exercise more strength of will to control their emotions. As you are human, and lack that control, it is to be expected that you will, at times, give into those fluctuations.”

“I believe they’re called mood swings,” Tom offered, not daring to turn around and choosing, instead, to keep his back to everyone. “Captain,” he added as an afterthought.

Chakotay diverted his eyes to his PADD like there was anything there that he honestly needed to see at the moment.

“In addition, Captain,” Tuvok offered, “Neelix reported to the bridge that you did not eat the breakfast that you were offered. That could mean that you are now suffering from a blood sugar regulation issue that compounds with your—mood swings. This can exacerbate the fatigue that you’re likely already feeling, heighten irritability, and even produce headaches like the one of which you are complaining.”

“Neelix reported to the bridge about my food?” Kathryn asked, leaving the question open for any of them to respond.

“He’s the Chief Nutrition Officer,” Harry offered.

“I thought he was the Chief Morale Officer,” Kathryn commented. “Not the food police.” 

Tom snorted and Chakotay tried to dive even deeper into the information that he was only half seeing at the moment. 

“He has given himself an additional positon,” Tuvok offered. “At any rate, the best way to combat what you’re feeling at the moment, Captain, may be to go and have something to eat.”

“Have you given yourself the additional position as Secondary Medical Officer?” Kathryn asked.

“Captain,” Chakotay said quickly, interrupting her before she could say anything that she might regret, “could I please see you in your ready room? Now?”

Kathryn stood up and Chakotay followed suit. He walked behind her to her ready room and followed her inside. She walked away from him, pacing a little in the small space, and he let her have a moment. He didn’t speak until she turned around and stared at him. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, so he simply walked toward her and put his hands on her shoulders to test her reaction. When she did nothing except look at him, he kneaded her muscles in his hands and then he planted a soft kiss on her forehead which she leaned into.

“You’re extremely tense,” Chakotay pointed out. “Your shoulder muscles are like rocks, Kathryn. Why? There’s nothing going on.”

“Out there,” Kathryn said. “There’s nothing going on out there. But, Chakotay? Right now there’s so much going on inside me that I feel like—I...”

Chakotay walked around her so that he could properly knead her shoulder muscles. As soon as he dug his fingers lightly into her skin, her knees somewhat buckled and she groaned out her pleasure over the touch. He laughed to himself and directed her to her chair. 

“At least sit down,” he said. “So you don’t fall in the floor. Do you want to talk about it? Because—I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Kathryn, but you’ve been snapping and snarling at everyone this morning.”

“Oh,” Kathryn breathed out, some genuine sound of lamentation in her voice. She reached her hand up to touch Chakotay’s arm as he worked at her tense muscles. “You most of all—and I’m sorry.” 

Chakotay bit his lip. He didn’t have to see her face. He heard her voice catch and he knew that there were at least tears in her eyes if they weren’t making it down her cheeks yet. 

“Why didn’t you eat?” Chakotay asked.

“Why do you have Neelix reporting on my meals?” Kathryn shot back. “Does he do this every meal?” 

“Only the ones that we don’t share with each other,” Chakotay responded. 

“That’s a breach of privacy,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“Throw me in the brig, Kathryn,” Chakotay responded. “But I’ll find a way to be concerned from there. You can’t stop me.” 

Kathryn sighed.

“I’m so tired,” she said. “And I shouldn’t be. I haven’t done anything, Chakotay. It’s not like we’re doing anything right now. But I’m exhausted.”

“Then you should take a nap,” Chakotay said. “You’re tired. Clearly your body is telling you that you need to rest. Take advantage of the down time that we’ve got and take a nap. You’ve got your combadge, we’ll call you if we need you.”

“That’s not all,” Kathryn said. “And I don’t even want to tell you everything because—I don’t want to complain that much.”

She almost whined out her words and Chakotay smiled to himself. He continued to work the muscles in her neck and shoulders, working his fingertips upward, as well, to rub at the base of her skull. He could feel her relaxing under his touch and, in those moments, he enjoyed the massages as much as she did. Feeling her muscles relax and knowing that he was doing that to her gave him a sense of being in control of something when he was otherwise in control of so little.

“You can complain to me, Kathryn,” Chakotay assured her. “All you want. I’m not going to think any less of you.”

She sighed again. This time it was a relaxed sigh. 

“That feels so good,” she said, encouraging him to keep going. His hands ached, but he didn’t care. “I feel everything. Sometimes I feel like I can hear people breathing and it irritates me. And Neelix tries to hide that damned Leola root in every dish but—I can smell it.”

“Was there Leola root in your breakfast?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn hummed in the affirmative.

None of them liked Leola root. There was some talk around the crew of trying to figure out how to destroy the whole supply of it—all the seeds and plants in the airponics bay as well. The only thing that kept them from wiping out the existence of Leola root on Voyager was the fact that it was a hearty and fast-growing plant and, if it came to the worst possible scenario, it could save them from starving to death.

“Did you tell Neelix that you don’t want Leola root?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“May I request that you not speak to me like I’m a child, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked. 

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay apologized. “I didn’t mean to, Kathryn. I promise you that.”

She sighed.

“I told him that I don’t want it, but he thinks that he can hide it in my food—also like I’m a child,” Kathryn said. Chakotay felt her muscles tense again. “Maybe that’s what irritates me the most. I’m fully capable of making my own decisions about what I eat, what I do, and—how to run this ship!”

“You absolutely are,” Chakotay agreed. “And if I or anybody else makes you feel like we don’t think that? It’s certainly not our intention.”

“Every time I turn around there’s some well-meaning person telling me what I should be doing,” Kathryn said.

“And they do it with love,” Chakotay assured her. “That’s all, Kathryn. They do it because—that’s the only way any of us really know how to express our feelings.”

She relaxed again. 

“I’m really not angry,” she said.

“I had suspected that,” Chakotay responded. “But you might feel better if you’d relax. Just—try to take it for what it is.”

“I’m just tired,” Kathryn said. “And—hungry. And, Chakotay?” He hummed at her to ask her to continue. “I want to fuck.”

Chakotay nearly choked. He stopped working the muscles on her neck for a moment to get control of himself. He hadn’t expected her to be so frank about it.

“Anyone in particular?” Chakotay asked.

She turned around in her chair to glare at him, but she smiled when she saw his expression.

“I’m serious,” she said, almost looking like she was pleading with him. “I’ve never felt this way before. I mean—I’ve never considered myself a prude, but this is something else entirely. I feel like the happiest I could be right now would be if you would...”

She stopped.

“Please,” Chakotay said, leaning against her desk and crossing his arms across his chest. She turned to face him. “Please. Tell me. I want to know. What would make you happy right now?” 

“I’m not going to tell you,” Kathryn said, leaning back in her chair. “You just want to make fun of me and my—my needs. And in my time of weakness.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. Her expression told him that she would allow him that.

“Absolutely not,” Chakotay said. “I feel like I need to know what you need right now. What do you want, Kathryn?”

She smirked at him. She shook her head. 

“I feel like I couldn’t be happier than if you...fucked me while I was eating—while I was eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Until I fell asleep. Chakotay...”

She groaned to close out the description of the oddest fantasy that Chakotay had heard to date. He bit back his smile and nodded at her. 

“That would certainly take care of all your basic needs,” Chakotay said. “The food that I know you need. The nap I believe you need. And,” he stopped and cleared his throat, “and the sex that you’ve informed me you need.”

Kathryn frowned at him. 

“You think I’m ridiculous,” Kathryn said.

“I don’t,” Chakotay said. “I think you’re pregnant. And I’ve been doing some reading about it and, honestly, none of the feelings that you’re expressing are unexpected. Maybe your methods of reaching nirvana are a bit unique, but I believe it’s our tiny captain that’s seized control of the vessel for the moment. And, perhaps, she’s on a bit of a rampage. Maybe she’s having some sort of baby-sized tantrum in there.” He laughed to himself at the image and then he did his best to change his expression to be as serious as he could make it when Kathryn looked like she might very well tear up over the whole thing. “Kathryn, you didn’t sleep well last night. I know because I was up with you part of that time. You were sick at 0200 hours and I don’t think you got any solid sleep after that. You skipped breakfast and you can’t survive on coffee alone.”

Kathryn wiped at a tear that rolled down her cheek.

“Even the coffee doesn’t seem to be helping, Chakotay,” she said. 

His chest tightened. It wasn’t a tragedy, and she’d be fine if she’d only eat and rest for an hour or two, but it still tugged at his heart to see her suffering—no matter how minor the cause of her suffering. 

“It’s because you don’t need coffee,” Chakotay said. “You need sleep and food.”

“Maybe a little more coffee,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay knew that her coffee was little more than flavored water at this point, but she didn’t. He certainly didn’t think this was the best time for her to discover the truth.

“No more coffee,” Chakotay said. “The doctor said no and one cup a day is plenty. Our child doesn’t need to be born with a severe coffee addiction.” He sucked in a breath. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way. I don’t want you to think that I’m treating you like a child or bossing you around. I don’t want you to think that—that I think you’re irrational. I would make this suggestion to any person on the crew that I knew hadn’t slept well and had missed a meal. Do you understand?” 

Kathryn nodded her head. 

Chakotay touched his combadge.

“Chakotay to Neelix,” he said. 

“Neelix, here,” came the response. “What can I do for you, Commander?” 

“The captain is coming to the mess hall. Could you please prepare a cup of hot tea—something to help her relax—and could you please replicate her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” 

Chakotay saw Kathryn laugh to herself out of the corner of his eye, but he didn’t make direct eye contact with her. 

“Absolutely,” Neelix responded. “I’ll have it ready when she gets here.” 

“Excellent,” Chakotay responded. “Thank you, Neelix. Chakotay out.” Chakotay looked at Kathryn then and smiled. “Go. Eat something you enjoy. Drink something relaxing. Then go back to our quarters or go to the cabin and take a nap. We’ll call you if we need you. And if we don’t? When I get a break, I’ll come and take care of the rest of your needs.”

“You’ve got it all figured out?” Kathryn asked, her lips curling up into a smile.

“One at a time, we’ll cover all your needs,” Chakotay assured her. “But I’m pretty sure you’ll feel like a new woman after just some food and a short nap. The third can really be as much for me as it is for you.”


	34. Chapter 34

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay sat down in his chair as soon as Kathryn had left the bridge under his control. He picked up his PADD and held it in his hand. 

“Anything to report?” He asked.

“There is nothing,” Tuvok responded. 

“It’s clear and peaceful out there,” Tom said. “But—can we talk about what’s going on in here?”

Chakotay raised his eyebrow at Tom when Tom turned around in his chair to face him.

“And what is it, exactly, that’s going on in here, Lieutenant?” Chakotay asked.

Tom laughed to himself.

“Oh, come on!” He said. “You know what’s going on. Everybody does. Do I really always have to be the one to say it? Harry?”

Chakotay turned around to look at Harry. With clear skies and little to keep them all occupied at the moment, Harry hadn’t had anything substantial to do all day. At the moment, though, he looked like he was the busiest that he’d ever been and like looking away from his console for even a second would cause Voyager to suddenly go up in some kind of inexplicable fiery inferno. 

Chakotay turned back to look at Tom.

“I don’t believe Ensign Kim has anything to say,” Chakotay said. 

“Not when you’re in the room, he doesn’t,” Tom said. “Fine—I’ll be the one to say it. Nobody likes it when Mommy and Daddy fight. But more than that? Well—some of the crew has been talking and...we don’t really think that being so rigid about protocol is absolutely necessary.”

“What do you mean, Tom?” Chakotay asked.

“I mean we’re all adults,” Tom said. “And we’re all stuck out her for sixty or seventy years. We know that you and the captain are married and we’re fine with that. We’re pleased about it. Even Tuvok is pleased and that’s as close to ecstatic as he ever gets. We like to see her happy. We like to see you happy. Someday it might be one of us that’s serving with someone with whom we have a relationship. We just don’t think it’s necessary to try to hide it constantly. In fact? Trying to hide it and trying to tiptoe around it doesn’t make things more comfortable. It does the exact opposite.”

“So what would you have us to do, Tom?” Chakotay asked. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re requesting.” 

“A little more openness,” Tom said. “A little more transparency. That’s all anybody’s suggesting.”

“Between the captain and I?” Chakotay asked. Tom nodded. “About our relationship?” Tom nodded again. “Starfleet has no protocol to cover a situation like ours. The captain doesn’t want anybody to feel like she shows favoritism toward me. She also doesn’t want our relationship to make anyone uncomfortable.”

“It’s a little more uncomfortable if we’re trying to pretend that we don’t know what we do know,” Harry offered, finding his tongue. 

“I believe what Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim are trying to express is that the crew, as a whole, is not bothered by your relationship with the captain,” Tuvok said, “but rather would prefer that the relationship were more visible and open.”

“And you know, Tuvok, that having a visible and open relationship wouldn’t be considered wholly professional,” Chakotay responded. 

“That is true,” Tuvok said. “However, I believe that it’s necessary to consider the unique situation in which we find ourselves.”

“I’ll bring it up with the captain,” Chakotay said. 

“You might want to give it a few minutes, Commander,” Tom offered.

“I think I know how to approach our captain,” Chakotay said, laughing quietly to himself. “But thank you for your concern. Tuvok—can you handle things here? There are a few things I’d like to check on.” 

“If I may have a word with you first, Commander?” Tuvok asked.

“Very well,” Chakotay said. “Harry—you’ve got the bridge. Tuvok?” 

Chakotay stepped out into the corridor with Tuvok. The Vulcan regarded him as sternly as he ever did. 

“Is there a problem, Lieutenant Tuvok?” Chakotay asked.

“Forgive me if I’m overstepping boundaries,” Tuvok started.

“It seems like the whole crew might like to do away with boundaries altogether,” Chakotay offered. “I don’t think whatever you have to say will be a problem. I always value your input.”

“I hope you will again,” Tuvok offered. “It’s about the captain, sir.”

“What about her?” Chakotay asked.

“My study of human psychology has been limited,” Tuvok said. “My study of Captain Janeway has not.”

“You know her well,” Chakotay agreed. Tuvok nodded.

“During pregnancy women go through a great deal of changes,” Tuvok said. “Vulcans consider pregnancy a time when women must use superior control to keep their emotions in check. Captain Janeway is not a Vulcan, nor would I wish her to be one. Though her emotions are, at times, at one extreme or another, they help make her the incredible leader that she is.” 

“I could agree with that,” Chakotay said. “What’s your point, Tuvok?” 

“My point is that the captain will be fine,” Tuvok said. “She need only adjust to the changes that are taking place within her. However, there is one more thing about her that I think we should all bear in mind.”

“What is that?” Chakotay asked.

“The captain will not appreciate the possible feeling of losing control of her body. She’ll most assuredly fight it. We don’t need to exacerbate that by making her feel like she has any less control on the ship,” Tuvok said.

“I’m fully aware of that, Tuvok,” Chakotay said. “Believe me. She’s in complete control of just about everything.”

“At the same time, Commander, the captain does not enjoy the feeling that her crew takes risks or faces challenges that she, herself, may not face,” Tuvok said. “She has, in the past, put herself in extreme danger to show that she was willing to take on any challenge. If she feels that she is limited or otherwise out of control, it is possible that she might attempt to reassert her ability to face any challenge. It is prudent that we let her know that—while we wish to offer protection and comfort to her during the duration of her gestation—it is for the good of the child she is carrying, and for her own good, that we do it. It is not because of some perceived weakness or lack of ability.”

Chakotay reached and patted Tuvok’s shoulder. Tuvok accepted the affection from him.

“The captain is going to be fine,” Chakotay agreed. “She is fine. But I appreciate knowing that you and everyone else on board are concerned about her well-being. That means the world to her, even if she’s sometimes frustrated by her own feelings. I appreciate you bringing this to my attention, though, and I’m certainly going to do my part to make sure that she knows how the crew feels.”

“We’re available to assist you however you may require,” Tuvok offered.

“Thank you,” Chakotay offered.

“And Commander?” Tuvok said, drawing Chakotay’s attention back just as he’d started to leave. Chakotay turned quickly to pay him attention once more. “I am not an emotional being. However, I understand the emotions of those around me. The crew finds comfort in the outwardly expressed happiness of the captain. Although it may go against perceived protocol, I think it is important to at least consider allowing for a little more visibility in the relationships on board Voyager.”

“We will consider it,” Chakotay assured him. “Thank you. You have the bridge. I’ll be back soon.”

“Take your time, Commander. There are clear skies for as far as we can detect,” Tuvok informed him.

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“Mmmm...I’m not irrational,” Kathryn said. 

“You’re not,” Chakotay agreed.

“I’m not unstable,” she said.

“You’re not,” Chakotay agreed again, running his fingertips gently over her face. She closed her eyes whenever he neared her eyelids, but immediately opened them again when he moved away.

“I don’t particularly appreciate knowing that you’re all plotting against me behind my back,” Kathryn said. She laughed low in her throat so Chakotay knew she wasn’t nearly as offended as she might pretend to be. “That’s got to be some form of mutiny.”

She was feeling better. There was some truth to what Tuvok had said. Eating had gone quite a long way toward evening out some of her feelings. The private time she’d stolen with Chakotay on the holodeck was having some effect as well. 

“Mutiny in the best interest of the health and well-being of the captain,” Chakotay said. “It doesn’t exactly sound like the kind of crime that gets one hanged.”

He leaned and kissed her. She leaned up from her pillow to follow his lips and prolong the kiss, so he came back to let her tongue play against his a little longer. When he finally pulled away, she smiled at him. 

“I’m not going to do anything to endanger the crew, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “Or myself, or the baby. Not if I can avoid it.”

“I know you’re not,” Chakotay said. 

“And it’s easy to get irritated when everywhere I turn it seems that someone has an opinion on everything I do,” Kathryn said. 

“I’m sure it is,” Chakotay agreed.

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Are you just agreeing with me because you think I’m irrational?” Kathryn asked, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Now I think you might be paranoid,” Chakotay offered with a smile. “I’m agreeing with you because I understand how you might be feeling. I’m only asking you to try to remember that everyone says and does what they do out of genuine affection and concern. Me especially. We’re all new at this. None of us have ever been in exactly this situation before.”

“I know,” Kathryn said. “And maybe I need you to remember that—sometimes I don’t always mean everything that I say. Not if I say it in the heat of the moment. I haven’t been here either.” 

“I already know that,” Chakotay assured her. “And I’m not taking anything to heart. I don’t think anyone else is either.”

“It does worry me, though,” Kathryn said. “If I can lose my temper over—someone’s facial expression? I’m going to have to be extra careful to consider my responses if we should find ourselves dealing with any hostile aliens.”

“It doesn’t worry me,” Chakotay informed her. 

“No?” Kathryn asked.

“No,” Chakotay assured her. “Because I know that you always have a way of stepping back out of yourself when you’re talking to a new species. I’ve seen you deal with enough of them. And—I also know that you having even more fire than you’ve usually got? Well, it isn’t going to cause us any problems. On the contrary—it’s probably going to make every alien in the Delta Quadrant leave us alone for fear of coming up against you.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. She was relaxed enough now that she was taking his jokes as jokes, as she should, and not as things to which she should take offense. 

Chakotay trailed his fingertips over the rise of her breasts and watched as her nipples responded, tightening and standing at attention once again. Her skin dimpled as a shiver ran through her body at his touch. He trailed his hand down to her abdomen and tickled his fingers there. Her muscles contracted, sucking her stomach in and away from him for a second. He smiled and rested his hand affectionately over the soft skin beneath her navel.

“You’re ticklish,” he commented. 

“You knew that,” Kathryn said. 

“It always amuses me,” Chakotay said.

“It’s a form of torture, you know,” Kathryn informed him. 

Chakotay nuzzled his face against the side of Kathryn’s and she hummed at him.

“Only when it’s prolonged,” Chakotay said. He straightened back up and rubbed his hand over the area where it had been resting. “They want to see a little affection between us. A little less formality.” 

“It’s not professional,” Kathryn said.

“I don’t think they mean moving something like this to the bridge for public exhibition,” Chakotay said. “You’re more standoffish to me now than you ever were before and it’s nothing except the fact that you’re more aware of things now. I think they’re just asking for the old way of things back. When it was OK for us to touch, sometimes.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out.

“I feel like I’m more rigid on the bridge,” Kathryn said. “More tense. Even in the mess hall if we’re eating together. I’m just—aware, like you said. I’m worried that someone’s going to be uncomfortable.”

“And if they are, they’ll talk to us,” Chakotay said. “Just like we requested. Right now, just like we asked them to, they’re expressing that they feel that tension that you’re feeling. By trying not to make them uncomfortable, you’re making them uncomfortable. I don’t think anyone on this ship is as concerned with protocol as you are, Kathryn. Especially in the case of something where we have no true protocol.”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“So you’re saying I should just relax?” She asked.

“I’m absolutely saying you should just relax,” Chakotay confirmed. “It would be better for absolutely everyone involved.”

Kathryn sighed, purposefully blowing out her breath again.

“I’m still not a person who’s going to go gallivanting around the ship acting like a lovesick teenager,” Kathryn said.

“I wouldn’t expect that you would,” Chakotay said. “I expect you to always save your lovesick teenager moments for our private time. Just like I wouldn’t want you sharing the fact that sometimes your appetite can be a little insatiable.” 

Kathryn leaned up to kiss him response to his statement and she purposefully bit his lip and tugged it. She ran her tongue over it quickly to soothe any discomfort that might linger from the scratch of her teeth.

“Maybe we could give it a try at the doctor’s party,” Kathryn said. “When we celebrate B’Elanna getting his new mobile emitter working. We could test it out—try not to be too tense.”

“Sounds perfect,” Chakotay said. “Now—about that appetite, are you going to be able to take a nap now that you’ve gotten everything else taken care of?” 

“It’s very hard for me to nap,” Kathryn said, “when I know that there’s a starship out there that I’m supposed to be captaining.”

Chakotay sighed and wrapped himself around her. He snuggled her as tight as he could. 

“Computer, change background to night,” Chakotay commanded. Immediately the sky outside the cabin changed from day to night and bathed them in mostly darkness. Chakotay kissed the side of Kathryn’s face. “Tuvok has the bridge and your combadge is right there. You’re still the captain, even while you’re napping. But take some advantage of the clear skies.”

“What about you?” Kathryn asked. 

Just that quickly, Chakotay could feel her relaxing. He could feel her breathing starting to slow. He could hear a subtle change in her voice. If he stayed there, quiet and still with her, it wouldn’t take long before she drifted off. She wouldn’t nap for long, but anything was better than nothing. 

“I’m going to take advantage of the clear skies too,” Chakotay said. “After all, we never know when we won’t have that opportunity any longer.”


	35. Chapter 35

AN: I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!

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“Well doctor?” Kathryn asked. “How does it feel to be out of sick bay?”

“It feels like everything is an adventure,” the doctor said, beaming over his newfound freedom. “I knew the schematics of the ship, but being aware of locations and actually being able to go there are two entirely different experiences.” 

“Now we can put you to work more often,” Chakotay said. “It wasn’t all selfless on our part. We can call you all over the ship now.”

“And I look forward to serving you,” the doctor assured them.

Kathryn felt Chakotay’s hand find its way around her and wrap around her rib cage. She leaned into him and let him gently guide her away from the doctor to make room for others to speak to him. Neelix and Kes intercepted them almost immediately. 

“Captain—have you tried the hors d’oeuvres? I combined several of the Oquelian fruits for the skewers with you in mind,” Neelix said. “According to the Oqu, they’re all the perfect fruits for the best development of our tiniest crew member.”

Kathryn felt Chakotay’s had snake up her back and around her shoulder. He squeezed at the spot where her neck and shoulder curved together, the simple gesture sending a sensation of pleasure that jolted through her body. 

She smiled and immediately pretended that she meant it for Neelix.

“I’m sure they’re delicious,” Kathryn said. “I’ll be sure to try one.”

“I’ll get you one,” Neelix volunteered quickly. “Just wait right here.”

Kathryn might have protested his darting after the stick full of varied fruits, but he was gone before she had the opportunity. Instead, they remained where they were, just as Neelix had suggested, to talk to Kes in his short absence.

“Captain, how are you feeling?” Kes asked.

“Me?” Kathryn asked. “I feel wonderful.”

Kes smiled.

“You were tired earlier,” Kes said. “I heard you mention it. That’s why I asked.”

“Tired, yes,” Kathryn said. “But that’s become my new normal. I’m fine, though. I really can’t complain.”

“It’s perfectly normal for you to be tired,” Kes said. “You should try to rest a little more often.”

“The doctor’s already prescribed naps,” Chakotay interjected. “But unless it comes in a hypospray, it can be difficult to get Kathryn to take any prescriptions.” His eyes widened. He cleared his throat. “It can be difficult to get the captain to take any prescriptions,” he corrected.

Kathryn rubbed her hand over his back for reassurance.

“Don’t worry about it, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “Kes knows about our relationship and—we’re at a party. It’s off hours.” She glanced at Kes, but Kes didn’t appear the least bit bothered by the slip. She was accustomed to seeing them in sick bay together and sick bay was one place where Kathryn didn’t attempt to hold up any sort of professional relationship. “And Kes knows that my name is Kathryn,” Kathryn added. “She’s not offended to hear it.”

Kes smiled warmly and nodded at Chakotay.

“I think the least offensive thing in the world is affection,” Kes said with a soft laugh. “We’d all be much better off if there was more of it.”

“Some of the crew has expressed that we were being a bit rigid with each other,” Chakotay said, “and that they’d like to see more affection expressed between us.”

“I have to admit,” Kes said, “that I might have been one of those crew members.”

“It’s a lot to adjust to,” Kathryn admitted. 

“Maybe because you’re trying to control it, Captain,” Kes offered. “And love isn’t something, by nature, that can be controlled. You have to just let it happen.”

Chakotay squeezed Kathryn’s neck in the spot where his hand was resting and the same warm jolt ran through her body that she’d felt before—like he’d found some secret spot that sent a wave of affection crashing through her every time he increased pressure there. 

Kathryn looked at him and mirrored the smile he gave her, leaning into him and wrapping her arm tighter around him.

It made very little sense to resist acting on her affections because of what the crew might think when it was clear that the vast majority of them didn’t think anything negative about small shows of affection. 

Neelix returned with two sticks covered in fruit—one in each hand—and he offered one to Chakotay and one to Kathryn. They broke apart for the first time in a while, and accepted the sticks. Neelix quickly ran down the line and explained to them the name of each fruit, which Kathryn promptly forgot, and what each fruit was supposed to offer their growing child. 

Kathryn smelled the fruit first. She’d learned enough about the growing child in question to know that “picky eater” didn’t even begin to describe it. Her sense of smell seemed to assault her at every level—even leaving her to occasionally have to figure out how to delicately give someone the order that they should take a shower since they seemed to have foregone that recently—and the baby had some uncanny ability to reverse the way her stomach functioned so that, at a moment’s notice, anything she tried to swallow would go up instead of down, taking with it everything she’d eaten in the past few hours.

Immediately she smelled something that made her stomach roll. She glanced at Chakotay. He had less reason to put his food to a thorough smell test before he put it in his mouth and he was already chewing his way through the fruits. Maybe he just couldn’t smell it. Maybe nobody could except for her.

Kathryn was trying to decide how to handle the situation. She hated refusing Neelix’s food because his heart was always in the right place. Everything he prepared, he absolutely prepared with love and care. On the other hand, she hated to ruin the doctor’s party by losing the contents of her stomach in some kind of violent act of rebellion on the part of her unborn child.

Maybe she could eat some of the fruit and avoid whichever piece it was that reminded her a little too much of the smell of sewage. 

Before she could decide to tough it out, however, she was interrupted by Tuvok approaching and asking for a moment of her time.

Kathryn breathed out a sigh of relief. Sometimes she wasn’t sure if the Vulcan was tapping into her thoughts to have the impeccable timing that he often proved to have, but at the moment she wasn’t the slightest bit bothered by that possibility. She put on her best smile and offered the stick back to Neelix.

“Maybe some other time,” Kathryn said. “It was so kind of you to prepare the food for the party, Neelix. Everyone appreciates it. But—I need a word with Mr. Tuvok.”

Tuvok walked ahead, leaving the mess hall, and Kathryn slowly followed behind him. She heard Neelix utter some protest and Chakotay responded to him to soothe things over so that the Talaxian’s feelings weren’t hurt by the interaction. By the time Kathryn stepped out of the mess hall doors and into the corridor to head to the conference room, Chakotay had caught up with her and he touched his hand to the small of her back in the corridor to remind her that he was there.

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“At the moment, we have nothing to be alarmed about,” Tuvok said. “We’re picking up readings of a few populated planets in our surroundings. I have seen no signs of vessels, however, so at this time we would be deciding whether or not we’re approaching these planets.”

“Let’s see if we can’t get more information on them,” Chakotay said. “On the aliens that inhabit them.”

“We reached out to the Oqu,” Kathryn said, “and it worked in our favor. However, if they’re unfriendly aliens we don’t want to accidentally invite conflict. Speak with Neelix about the planets and see what he knows.”

“I will do that, Captain,” Tuvok said. “Some time back, Mr. Neelix also mentioned a vast expanse that we would eventually reach. Sensors indicate that we are approaching a nebular region, though it is still some distance away. It is possible that this nebular region is the expanse of which I’ve been told. If it is, we will need to make some preparations before we enter the region.”

“What kinds of preparations?” Kathryn asked.

“In particular, it would be best if we looked for an opportunity to procure fuel and other provisions. Neelix’s descriptions of the region lead me to believe that it is sparsely populated and, therefore, it would be better to be prepared with whatever we might need before we enter the region.”

Kathryn nodded her understanding.

“Fine,” she said. “Look into it. Find out whatever it is that we’ll need. We’ll do our best to get everything before we get there.”

“Maybe some of the planets we’re approaching will have some things to offer,” Chakotay said. “If they’re this close to the expanse, maybe they’ll be trading planets.”

“It is highly possible,” Tuvok agreed. “It could be in our best interest to explore the possibility before we get beyond this belt of populated planets.”

“Do it,” Kathryn said. “Talk to Neelix first thing in the morning and start gathering information about all of it. I want to know about the planets, their inhabitants, and as much information as you can gather about the expanse.” 

“There is one more thing, Captain,” Tuvok said. “While examining the sensor readings, I’ve detected a strong neutrino flux in a nearby star that is suggestive of a future core collapse. It is possible that this could provide us with the opportunity to experience a supernova in the very near future. If we continue on our current course at our current speeds, we will be moving away from the star and the supernova. It could be a unique experience for some of the crew to witness the explosion at such a close distance. I’m bringing it to your attention so that you can decide whether or not you would like to proceed as we are, or if you would like to delay our course to experience the phenomenon.”

“How many days would it delay us?” Kathryn asked. “If we were to try to get front row seats for the supernova?” 

“Two days,” Tuvok said. “Perhaps three at the most.” 

Kathryn looked to Chakotay for his input. He smiled at her and reclined back as much as his chair would allow. 

“I say we should do it,” Chakotay said. “We’re on a mission to explore and to experience. A three day delay is nothing to this crew. Besides—it would allow us a little more time to think about our next steps before we reach this expanse.”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“It’s settled then,” she said. “Let’s try to get the best view of the supernova that we can without sacrificing safety. Was there anything else?” 

“No, Captain,” Tuvok said. 

“Good,” Kathryn said. “Then go back to the party, Tuvok, and try to enjoy yourself. Relax a little. Assign someone else to keep a check on the sensors for a while. You deserve to take a little R and R.”

“The same could be said for you, Captain,” Tuvok offered. “You will not be returning to the party?” 

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay again. He was watching her and waiting for her response. 

“I’m exhausted,” Kathryn admitted. “I believe I’d do better to take my R and R in my quarters. If anyone asks, you’ll tell them?”

Tuvok nodded as he stood up from the table. 

“I will,” he confirmed. “And Captain, Commander? I have overheard members of the crew talking tonight about your willingness to demonstrate a little more openly your relationship.”

“Has anyone said anything negative?” Chakotay asked.

“On the contrary,” Tuvok said. “I would appear that it does a great deal to set them at ease and, perhaps, even boosts morale.”

“Thank you for letting us know,” Kathryn said, smiling to herself. “Goodnight, Mr. Tuvok.”

“Goodnight, Captain. Commander,” Tuvok responded. 

He left them in the meeting room and Kathryn stayed in her chair a moment after his departure. 

“It looks like we’ve got a lot coming our way,” Chakotay said. “It should do something to alleviate a little of the boredom the crew seems to have been suffering from as of late.”

Kathryn hummed.

“A little boredom is good sometimes,” she said. “However, so is a little excitement. I have to admit, even I am a little excited about the possibility of what’s to come.”

“I’ll take a little excitement,” Chakotay said. “As long as it’s not too much. Are you ready to go back to our quarters? Get some rest.” 

Kathryn stood up and when Chakotay offered her his arm, she looped hers through it and hugged his arm.

“Chakotay?” Kathryn ventured. He hummed at her in question. “Is it terrible to admit that I’m glad that the crew hasn’t complained about the affection?”

“I’m glad of it too,” Chakotay admitted. “It’s a lot of work having to constantly be aware of everything I say or do—of how I look at you.”

“We can’t get too carried away, though,” Kathryn warned. “We have to make sure that we’re still maintaining some decorum.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He freed his arm from her and put it around her so that he could hold her comfortably against him as they walked.

“Don’t worry,” he promised, “we’ll be sure to keep making out on the bridge to a minimum.”


	36. Chapter 36

AN: I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn didn’t look up when Chakotay entered her ready room because she already knew it was him. She continued to stare at the screen in front of her. She only looked at him when she heard the sound of the dishes touching down next to her.

“Neelix replicated the biggest jars of peanut butter and jelly possible,” Chakotay said. He laughed to himself. “The bread is fresh. It’s actually really good.”

“I’m trying to finish this,” Kathryn said. “Before the supernova.”

“You’ve got at least two hours by Tuvok’s calculations,” Chakotay said. “And—it doesn’t have to be done tonight anyway, Kathryn. We’re not visiting any of these planets tomorrow. You’ve got a couple of days before we have to make any final decisions. But you missed lunch and it’s late for dinner. You know how she gets if you miss a meal. She’s liable to go on a rampage against all of us.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. She looked away from the screen and pressed her fingers against her eyes. Her eyes were tired and burning. She’d spent too long staring at screens without a break. 

“What about you?” Kathryn asked, sitting back in her chair for a moment. “Have you eaten?”

“I have,” Chakotay assured her. “I have to take care of myself so I can make sure that I’m around to look out for you.”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” Kathryn asked. She laughed to herself. “How’d you know that’s what I was in the mood for?”

“I had a hunch,” Chakotay said. “It seems to be the food of choice these days. That’s vegetable broth. I had Neelix leave out the Leola root so you won’t find even a hint of it.”

Kathryn didn’t argue with him about eating the meal. Instead, she bit into the sandwich that Neelix had cut into four small squares for her—all the easier to eat while she had something like a PADD in her hand—and then she quickly washed down the bite of sandwich with some of the warm broth. She couldn’t help but hum her satisfaction over the taste of the food—a salty and sweet combination—and the warm feeling that it brought to her belly.

“Good?” Chakotay asked, amused by the sound she made.

“Very,” Kathryn assured him. “Can I ask you something, Chakotay?” 

“You can ask me anything you want,” Chakotay said, inviting himself to take a seat. “You know that.”

Kathryn worked her way through her sandwich while she considered her words.

“You keep referring to our baby as ‘she,’” Kathryn said. “Is that intentional or just a slip of the tongue?”

“I suppose it’s a slip of the tongue,” Chakotay responded.

“Do you want a girl?” Kathryn asked. “Is that it?”

“I’d be as happy with a girl as I would be with a boy,” Chakotay said. “As long as it’s our baby and it’s healthy and—as long as we’re doing this together? I don’t mind at all if it’s a girl or a boy.”

“Why do you call the baby ‘she,’ then?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay smiled to himself. It was the crooked smile where one side of his mouth hadn’t quite caught up with the other. Kathryn couldn’t help but mirror his expression when he smiled that way. He shifted around in his chair.

“I guess because—when I think about her in my mind? I think about her being a little girl. I think I’ve felt that way since the moment we knew she was there.” Chakotay shrugged his shoulders. “I’m sure it doesn’t make sense, and I don’t have any reason to believe that the baby’s a girl, Kathryn, but I just do. I feel like—she’ll be just like her mother. Of course, that could just be wishful thinking.”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“I would think that—for as much as I exhaust you, you wouldn’t want more than one of me,” Kathryn said.

“I’d want a million of you,” Chakotay said. “The world could only be better for it.”

Kathryn smiled at his flattery, but she didn’t otherwise acknowledge it.

“What if it’s a boy?” Kathryn asked.

“Then it’s a boy,” Chakotay said. “I told you, it won’t disappoint me one way or another. There’s no way this could go that I could be disappointed, Kathryn, as long as our child is happy and healthy and—you’re happy and healthy.” He seemed to think about it a moment. “Would you rather have a boy?” 

“I hadn’t thought about it,” Kathryn said. “I guess—maybe part of me thought about it. Maybe I thought about—doesn’t every man want a son? Maybe that’s just stereotypical.”

“Maybe it depends on the man,” Chakotay said. 

“After what Seska did,” Kathryn said, “I thought maybe you might want a son.”

“What Seska did has no bearing on us,” Chakotay said. “Other than the fact that our days on that planet did a little something to remind me not to take things for granted, what she did means nothing.”

“You thought you had a son, though, and then you didn’t. I just thought you might want a son,” Kathryn said.

“I don’t mind what we have,” Chakotay said. “Even—if you had some ongoing mutation of your DNA and our child turned out to inherit some of your previous amphibian qualities, I would still love it.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Please, don’t,” she begged. Chakotay laughed at her. “Oh, God! Chakotay! Now I’m going to have nightmares about it.”

“It’s just a joke,” Chakotay said. “It’s just my way of saying that I’m going to love the baby no matter what.”

“But you want it to be a girl,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay shook his head. 

“It’s not that I want it to be a girl,” Chakotay said. “It’s not that so much as—I simply sense she’s a girl. That’s all. I just feel like I already know her.”

“I’m carrying the baby and I don’t feel like that,” Kathryn offered. 

Chakotay smiled at her. 

“I’ve always heard that fathers and daughters have a special sort of bond,” Chakotay said. “Finish up your food, Kathryn. And then finish what you’ve got to do here. But remember, it doesn’t all have to be done by morning and you don’t have to be the only one to make the final decisions. We can have a meeting tomorrow to discuss where we want to make contact.”

Kathryn responded to him by nodding her understanding and she thanked him for the food. He got up, leaving her with the small amount of food that she hadn’t finished and the large amount of work that she still needed to do. 

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Kathryn gasped right along with everyone else when the supernova exploded. It was beautiful and it was just a short distance away from them. She applauded and everyone joined her. Immediately after the explosion, everyone broke off to talk and enjoy the time they had together and to discuss the phenomenon that many of them had chosen to gather together and witness.

“It is a record,” Tuvok said. “We are officially at the closest distance from which anyone has witnessed a supernova.”

“We should break out the champagne,” Kathryn declared.

“There is champagne, Captain,” Neelix offered. “If you’d like me to get some. However, I don’t believe that you’re supposed to have champagne in your condition.”

“It’s just a figure of speech, Mr. Neelix,” Kathryn assured him. “I only meant that we should celebrate.” 

Kathryn felt Chakotay pull her to him and she turned to fully embrace him instead of simply letting him hug her from the side. He seemed surprised and she smiled at his expression. He hugged her back without any sort of protest and when she pulled away from him to stand in front of him, he kept the pleased expression on his face.

“Did you like it?” He asked.

“It was beautiful!” Kathryn said. “Breathtaking.”

“Natural fireworks,” Chakotay said. “Did you hear Tuvok earlier? There’s another that looks like it’s set to go tomorrow. We’re going to catch it before we try to move on. It’ll give you a little more time to make some decisions about these planets.”

Kathryn sighed.

“I’m happy for the supernova,” Kathryn said. “I don’t ever get tired of seeing them and it’ll give the crew that didn’t see it a chance to witness one, but I’m not thrilled about the planets ahead.”

“You didn’t decide anything?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn shrugged her shoulders.

“What is there to decide?” Kathryn asked. “One planet isn’t populated with humanoids and that doesn’t feel like something we should detour for at this time. One we know nothing about, and the other is a trade planet that, according to Neelix, is said to be home to some aliens with questionable morals.”

“Do you know which way you’re leaning?” Chakotay asked.

“The trade planet seems like the only sure chance we have of getting supplies,” Kathryn said. “But I don’t like the idea of sending an away team down there if they’re going to be dealing with problematic aliens.”

Chakotay nodded his head.

“We’ll call a senior staff meeting tomorrow,” Chakotay said. “We’ll lay the options out there on the table and we’ll discuss it. You don’t have to make the decision alone. If we send a team down there, we’ll make sure they know what they’re dealing with and we’ll keep a close watch on them.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out. Chakotay smiled at her. Either he was confident that they weren’t being observed, or he was confident that nobody would care. He reached out his hand and brushed his fingers against Kathryn’s cheek. She leaned her face into his hand quickly—sure that if anyone were watching they’d simply find the quick gesture to be another example of the affection that they all claimed to enjoy witnessing.

“You don’t have to figure this out tonight,” Chakotay said. 

“I don’t know that there’s anything else to figure out,” Kathryn said. “Except how we want to handle this to make sure that the team is as safe as we can possibly make them. I want to talk to Neelix a little more about the planet and its inhabitants, though. And I want to try to hail them before we make a final decision.”

“It’s a good idea,” Chakotay agreed.

“But more than anything,” Kathryn said, “I want to close my eyes for a few minutes.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“It’s late enough you could close them for more than that,” he assured her. 

Kathryn looked around. Everyone was still crowded onto the bridge, but they appeared to be having a good time. There were dozens of conversations going on and there was a good bit of laughter and loud talking. 

“I hate to break up the party,” Kathryn said. “And I feel like—if we make a big deal of leaving it’s just going to make everyone feel like we’re saying that they have to leave the bridge.”

Chakotay hummed at her. 

“I’m not tired,” he said. “So—why don’t you go to bed? I’ll stay on the bridge so nobody feels like we’re rushing them off. Once everyone starts to leave, I’ll join you.”

“I’ll miss going to sleep without you,” Kathryn admitted. 

“I won’t be too far behind,” Chakotay assured her. “It won’t be long before everyone realizes they’ve got duty in the morning.”

Kathryn glanced around her. 

“Quick goodnight kiss?” She asked.

Chakotay smiled.

“You’re feeling daring,” he teased.

“Too much?” Kathryn asked.

“Nobody’s paying us any attention,” Chakotay said. “But even if they were...tell me, Kathryn, if someone in the crew were in a relationship and they were in the same situation, would you tell them that they couldn’t share a quick goodnight kiss?” 

“No,” Kathryn said. “It would be harmless.”

“Then I believe the same applies to us,” Chakotay said. He leaned and softly brushed his lips against Kathryn’s. The gentle touch of his lips made a shiver run through her body and Kathryn blushed at her reaction to the kiss. Chakotay smiled. “Sweet dreams.” 

“They’re only dreams until you get there,” Kathryn promised, lowering her voice so that it was barely more than a whisper that nobody except Chakotay could hear. “Then it’s reality.” 

She left him to mingle with the crew and she made her way toward the door. She exchanged a few words on the way to the door and excused herself to a few crew members who tried to engage her in longer conversations. Finally, she stepped through the doors and into the turbo lift so that she could head to her quarters. 

The supernova had been beautiful. Her work was mostly done and, though she wasn’t entirely thrilled with the alien populations around them, she had come close to making her final decisions about how they would go about preparing to enter the expanse that lay in front of them. Her crew, for the time being, was happy and enjoying themselves

And Kathryn was exhausted. She was excited to get to her quarters, slip into something more comfortable, and slide between the sheets to get some sleep—at least until Chakotay came in and woke her. 

She was surprised, then, when she stepped into her quarters and immediately saw a terribly gaudy bed where there never had been one before. It looked like some kind of garish Valentine.

Kathryn touched her combadge.

“Janeway to Commander Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “Please report to our quarters and explain what you’ve done here.”

There was no response on the combadge. Kathryn tried it again.

“Janeway to Chakotay,” she said. “Are you there?” 

There was no response again.

“Don’t worry about ordering room service, Kathy. I’ve taken care of everything.”

Kathryn recognized the voice before she could even see him or figure out where he was in her quarters. She touched her combadge again.

“Captain Janeway to security,” she said. “Intruder Alert.”

“Don’t bother, Kathy,” Q said, appearing out of the bedroom portion of her quarters—where her real bed was located. “I’ve taken the proverbial phone off the hook. I wanted to make sure that we weren’t interrupted.”


	37. Chapter 37

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“Q, what are you doing here?” Kathryn asked. 

She was too tired for this. She was too tired for Q’s antics. All she wanted to do was go to sleep, but it appeared that first she’d have to deal with Q—an immortal pain in her backside.

“Did you say you wanted champagne, Kathy?” Q asked. He served himself some champagne from a bottle which he’d simply made appear in her quarters. Kathryn didn’t respond to him and he toasted her. “To us.”

“There is no us,” Kathryn said. “What do you want?” 

“You always want to talk business, Kathy,” Q said. “I’m here to talk pleasure.”

“Not with me, you’re not,” Kathryn said. “So if that’s what you’re here for, then you’d better be going. Take this monstrosity of a bed with you.”

“The bed stays,” Q said. “I have no intention of getting between those Starfleet issued sheets. They give me a terrible rash.” 

“I wouldn’t worry about it,” Kathryn said. “You weren’t invited to get between them.”

Q put down the glass of champagne that he was drinking from and he quickly walked around the bed to get close enough to Kathryn that he could touch her. 

“Oh, Kathy,” he said. “Don’t be such a prude.” He wrapped his arm around her and Kathryn waited him out. Any minute now he’d drop this ridiculous charade and he’d tell her what he’d really come for. He pulled her a little closer than she wanted to be to him. “Admit it. It has been a while.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Not nearly as long as you’d think,” she offered. “You weren’t invited then. You’re not invited now.” She pushed at him, trying to free herself from his grasp. He held her tighter rather than letting her go. Her combadge wasn’t working and everyone was celebrating. They all thought she’d gone to bed. For the time being, she was left to deal with him alone. “I want you to go, Q,” Kathryn warned.

“So tense,” Q said, still attempting to seduce her with his voice. “Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable?”

Before she could say anything, Kathryn found herself suddenly dressed in a silk nightgown. Q let up on how tight he was holding her so that he could admire the gown.

“You’re not going to seduce me, Q,” Kathryn said. “Nothing you could do would ever seduce me. It’s time go, Q.”

Kathryn tried to walk away, but Q pulled her back quickly and renewed his hold on her. 

“You think I’m interested in some tawdry one night stand. That’s because I haven’t told you why I’m here yet,” Q said. He tipped Kathryn back toward the bed and she gasped, feeling her feet lose contact with the floor. Her heart leapt with the feeling that she was falling. Q’s hold on her was tight enough, though, that she couldn’t fall and, even if she had, she would have simply landed on the ridiculous bed that he’d conjured up. The only thing that kept her from growing frustrated enough to fight her way out of Q’s hold was the fact that she was curious about his reason for being there. “Kathy--out of all the females, of all the species, in all the galaxies, I have chosen you to be the mother of my child.” 

Kathryn was surprised. For a moment, she simply remained there, somewhat hanging in Q’s arms, taking in what he’d said. Then she laughed to herself and finally fought her way out of his grasp with some frustration. He let her drop onto the Valentine-themed bed and she quickly got up and walked away from him to pad to her bedroom to get her robe. Q immediately launched into a speech about how she should feel flattered that he’d chose her when he could mate with any other creature in the universe. Then he followed her to the door that separated the bedroom from the living quarters.

“It’s an overwhelming honor, Kathy,” Q said. “To mate with a Q. I can’t get you out of my mind. You’re confident, passionate, beautiful...”

“And totally uninterested,” Kathryn said.

She dodged him again and headed back toward the doors of her quarters. She hated to go padding around the ship in a robe and bare feet, but whoever saw her would forgive her for being dressed like she was when they became aware of the fact that Q was overtaking her private quarters. 

Q caught her arm, though, before she could get to the doors and he dragged her back against him. Kathryn sighed. She was growing more than a little tired of being manhandled by someone she had no desire to allow to manhandle her. 

“You’re playing hard to get,” Q said, holding her tight.

“I’m impossible to get,” Kathryn responded. “And I’m not playing in the slightest. Let go of me, Q!”

Q did let go of her for the most part, but he held to her arm so that she couldn’t leave the room.

“You can’t leave,” Q said. “You haven’t heard me out.”

“There’s nothing to hear you out about,” Kathryn insisted. “Q—even if I were interested, which I’m not, there are two excellent reasons why I can’t help you with this...well, with whatever problem you’ve got.”

He frowned at her and furrowed his brow.

“Kathy—you’ve got to...”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Kathryn said, stopping him before he could go any farther with what he was going to say. “Q—I’m married.”

“Married?” He asked.

“I would have thought a being like yourself would already know that,” Kathryn said. “Don’t you know everything?”

“The Q aren’t troubled by the petty little happenings in the lives of humans,” Q offered. “You humans believe your trivial little marriage contracts to be something of great importance in the universe, but really they’re not. It doesn’t matter anyway, Kathy. It isn’t required that you not be married to mate with me. If that’s how you want things, I’m willing to share.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes at him. 

“I haven’t asked him,” Kathryn said, “but I’m pretty sure my husband’s not. And maybe our commitment is trivial to you, but it isn’t trivial to me. I take my marriage very seriously. So even if I wanted to help you, Q—which I absolutely do not—I couldn’t. Besides that, I’m already pregnant.” She paused. He was looking at her with an expression that she couldn’t quite place. It annoyed her, even if she wasn’t sure what it meant. “Pregnant,” she repeated, not trying to hide her irritation. “Expecting. With child. This womb is as full as it can be. There’s no vacancy here.”

“I know,” Q said. “I understand what pregnancy is, Kathy. That’s why I’m here.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“If you know I’m pregnant, then you know that I can’t mate with you, Q. You’re barking up the wrong tree. I’ve already mated. And it took. You’ll have to go hunt down a targ or some single-celled organism to do you the honor of being the mother of your children.”

Given his expression, Kathryn still wasn’t sure if Q was even understanding her. He looked like he was listening, but he didn’t seem too affected by what she was saying. Kathryn might have felt sorry for Q if she didn’t find him to be one of the most annoying beings in existence. 

“I think I understand,” Q said. “This is one of those human mating rituals. You want me to up the ante. You want to be persuaded.”

“I want nothing of the kind,” Kathryn said. “Q—I am a married woman. And what’s more—I’m pregnant.” She drew the words out, this time, hoping that they would somehow stick for him. “I can’t be the mother of your child. I’m already a mother-to-be.”

“A minor setback,” Q said.

Kathryn laughed to herself out of frustration and disbelief. Q had the uncanny ability to simply not hear anything that he didn’t want to hear.

“It’s a great deal more than a setback,” Kathryn said. “Whatever it is that you seem to need, Q, you’ll have to find it somewhere else. I’m not your woman. It’s impossible.”

“It’s a challenge,” Q said. “Fortunately for the both of us, I enjoy a challenge.”

Before Kathryn could insist that it was even more than a challenge, Q snapped his fingers and vanished, taking with him the bed that she’d insisted he remove from her quarters. Kathryn sighed and sat down at her desk.

Now that Q was gone, she was confident that she’d find her combadge working again. She tried it.

“Janeway to Commander Chakotay,” Kathryn said.

“Chakotay here, Captain,” Chakotay responded. “You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“I was going to,” Kathryn said, “but I’ve had a visit from Q.”

“Q?” Chakotay asked. “What did he want?”

Kathryn swallowed. She wanted to tell Chakotay everything about Q’s odd visit, but she didn’t want to do it over the ship’s communication.

“We’ll just say he had a personal request,” Kathryn said. “He’s gone now, but I don’t think I’ve seen the last of him. I’ve got a very good feeling that he’ll be back. Could you please alert security? I’d like to know if anyone sees him. I want to know if anything strange starts to happen as well.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” Chakotay said. “I’ll let Tuvok know. Captain—are you OK?” 

“I’m fine,” Kathryn assured him. “But—I wouldn’t mind some company. If you believe that everyone can spare you?” 

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” Chakotay assured her. “Just let me speak to Tuvok about our uninvited guest.”

While she waited for Chakotay, Kathryn went to their bedroom and stripped off the night gown that had come from Q. It was nice, but she couldn’t bring herself to wear it because it felt like it represented some level of acceptance and she didn’t want to show Q any acceptance at all.

Kathryn changed into a blue night gown that Chakotay had replicated for her. She washed her face and brushed her teeth before she took her hair down and quickly braided it to keep it from tangling during the night. She was just about to call Chakotay to ask him if he’d forgotten her when he entered their quarters.

The first thing he did was give her a proper kiss and run his hands over her back and shoulders.

“He didn’t hurt you or anything?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn felt warmed by his concern. She felt that she was pretty able to care for herself, and she knew that Chakotay felt the same, but he couldn’t help it—he was still going to be protective of her. Kathryn appreciated the inexplicable warmth it stirred up inside of her.

“No,” she assured him. “I’m fine.”

“What did he want?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn sighed. 

“Start getting ready for bed,” she said. “I’m still every bit as exhausted as I was, even if the surprise of dealing with Q has kept me awake.” Chakotay obliged her by starting his nightly routine while she padded around behind him. “I’m not sure what his real reason for being here is, and I don’t want you to be too bothered, Chakotay. This is Q that we’re talking about.”

“Now you have me worried, Kathryn,” Chakotay said with a nervous laugh.

“In all his infinite self-assurance,” Kathryn said, “I believe our very own immortal Puck forgot to check the universe to see that I was very happily married and expecting a perfect little baby that, I’m hoping, is the spitting image of its father.” 

Kathryn suddenly had Chakotay’s full attention. He quickly rinsed his mouth from brushing his teeth.

“Well?” Chakotay pressed when Kathryn didn’t immediately continue her story. “What did he want?” 

“He wanted to mate with me,” Kathryn said. She could tell, just by looking at his face, that Chakotay was dealing with a great deal of emotion over the revelation—perhaps more than she might have originally imagined he would. Kathryn reached out and squeezed his arms to try to offer him some comfort with her touch. “Oh Chakotay! It’s just Q being Q! I’m sure he just hasn’t gotten around to expressing the real reason he’s here.”

“Maybe,” Chakotay said, “but it makes me furious that he would even come here and ask that. Why didn’t you call me?”

“He disabled my link,” Kathryn said. “Chakotay, it doesn’t matter. I told him I’m married and expecting a baby. I’m not an available or willing mate.”

“Then he should be gone,” Chakotay said.

“He is,” Kathryn pointed out.

“You said you expect him to come back,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn sighed.

“Everything we know tells us that the Q don’t take no for an answer very well,” Kathryn explained. “And I got the feeling he wasn’t done. He hadn’t said everything he wanted to say.” Kathryn felt a tugging sensation inside her chest that was brought about by Chakotay’s expression. She offered him a kiss and he gave her a soft one in return. Kathryn squeezed the muscles in his arms once more. He was tense. “Remember, he’s immortal and one of the most powerful beings in the universe. We just have to find out what he really wants. The fact of the matter is that, though, that no matter how many other creatures proposition me, you’re still my husband.” Kathryn smiled at him. “And I’ve got the best one in the whole universe. Nobody will ever convince me otherwise. Let’s go to bed, Chakotay. Let me spend what time I can with you? I’ve got a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a long day.”


	38. Chapter 38

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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In the morning, Kathryn held a meeting with all the senior officers to discuss her thoughts about the expanse they were nearing and their preparations for crossing it. It would take at least a month to cross it and, though they couldn’t be sure that it was entirely unpopulated, they could be certain that there would be times when they would find themselves feeling quite alone. The possibility of dealing with aliens who had less than stellar morals was not appealing, but they needed to procure a few things before accepting that they would be prepared, if they had to, to go an entire month without any fresh supplies. The crew had seemed entirely unconcerned about dealing with unsavory beings and, though Kathryn had volunteered to go to the planet, with the away team, in order to show her confidence that all would go well, it was B’Elanna, Tom, and Neelix who had ultimately taken on the task of getting what they could.

When the meeting was dismissed, Chakotay stayed behind in the room with Kathryn.

“Have you heard anything else from Q?” Chakotay asked.

“I’ve been with you since I woke up,” Kathryn pointed out. “You know he hasn’t been here.” 

“Maybe he’ll go away,” Chakotay said. “Leave us alone.”

Kathryn smiled softly at him. It was the tender smile she used to try to soothe him when she knew something had hurt him. It was the smile she wore to say that she’d lick his wounds for him because it was one way she could show her love. It was the smile she’d worn the night before when she’d invited him to go bed to remind her of their own mating rituals—rituals where Q was not at all involved or even of their concern.

“What are you afraid of, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked. “That I’ll do what he asks? Mate with him? I couldn’t carry his child, even if I wanted to, and I would never want that. Do you think I would sleep with him? Do you believe that I’d do that to you?” 

Chakotay sighed. He put his hands on Kathryn’s hips and pulled her to him. She came willingly and let him simply stand with her—their bodies together—drawing comfort from her closeness. She touched his face affectionately with her fingertips.

“No,” Chakotay breathed out. “I don’t doubt you. I never doubt you. It’s him that I don’t trust and when I think about the fact that he would even make such a request of you, I get so mad that I can barely even see, Kathryn.”

“I believe that’s called jealousy.”

Kathryn jumped as Chakotay held her, surprised by the uninvited voice that interrupted the privacy they’d found for themselves in the meeting space, and Chakotay instinctively felt his hold on her tighten against what had caused her alarm.

“What do you want, Q?” Kathryn asked.

“Kathy—this is the other man? You could have done so much better, and I don’t even mean with me,” Q responded.

“Chakotay is no ‘other man,’” Kathryn responded. “He’s my husband. And, frankly, he’s a better man than you’ll ever be.” 

“You’re not wanted here,” Chakotay offered, deciding to be as civil as he could to begin with. “She’s given you her answer. The decent thing to do is to leave before you embarrass yourself any further.”

“What do you see in this big oaf anyway?” Q asked, ignoring Chakotay’s request that he leave them in peace. “Is it the tattoo? Because if that’s what you need, Kathy, I can make it happen.” To show his abilities, he immediately flashed a tattoo onto his skin that covered half his face. “Mine’s bigger. Does that turn you on, Kathy?” 

Kathryn broke away from Chakotay, then, and crossed her arms across her chest. 

“Q, what are you still doing here? What do you really want? Because I’ve told you that I can’t have your child. I’m already pregnant. So if that’s really what you’re after, then you’re wasting time that you could be spending annoying—I mean wooing—a woman who could carry your child instead of harassing someone who is already pregnant.”

“About that,” Q said, “Kathy—it’s got to be you. The fetus that you’re carrying is such a trivial little thing. Really it's no more than a speck of dust on the cosmic tapestry. With just the wave of my hand, I could wipe it away. I can undo it. If that’s what you want.”

Chakotay didn’t have time to respond other than to reach out and grab Kathryn who—apparently forgetting that Q was immortal and essentially untouchable—launched herself at him. Even though he was untouchable, the determination behind her attack surprised Q enough that he backed up as Chakotay got a hold on Kathryn that could stop her from doing anything she might regret.

“Don’t you dare,” Kathryn growled at Q. What her verbal message lacked, she more than made up for with her body language. She fought against Chakotay’s hold like she was absolutely willing to try to beat the immortal being in front of her to death with her bare hands if only she could get free. 

“Easy, Kathy,” Q said. “I wouldn’t do it without your consent. I know how you like to make your own decisions and I realize, as a human, that you’ve likely developed some affection for the idea of it all—insignificant as it may be. I believe you’re going to agree with me, though, if you could just hear me out.”

“I’ll never agree to any of this!” Kathryn snapped back at him.

“You’ve got to give me a chance, Kathy,” Q urged.

“She doesn’t have to give you anything, Q,” Chakotay said, still holding onto Kathryn despite her efforts to escape. “Leave our baby alone and leave us alone.”

“Nobody was talking to you,” Q said.

“If you’re talking about my family then I’m involved,” Chakotay responded. “And if you weren’t a Q...”

“But I am,” Q said, cutting him off. “Kathy, just let me have a chance to talk to you...”

It was Kathryn that cut Q off before he was able to finish. 

“I don’t feel like talking to you, Q, and I don’t appreciate you threatening my child. I don’t like threats, so if you don’t leave right now? I’ll find a way to make you leave.”

Kathryn was so confident with her words that Chakotay almost believed she knew some secret way to do away with immortal beings. He also wasn’t positive that it didn’t involve some attempt to tear Q’s throat out with her teeth. Just in case, Chakotay tightened his hold on her a little more, even though she’d finally stopped struggling.

There was no telling what truly angering a Q could actually cause. 

Q didn’t look angry, though. He looked absolutely devastated. It was more than the simple sting of disappointment that registered on his features—even though he was a being that had probably never been refused anything before. 

“I’m sorry, Kathy,” He offered. It sounded sincere to Chakotay, even if he didn’t want to hear anything that Q had to say at the moment. “I really am. I promise—it wasn’t a threat. I wouldn’t threaten you. That’s not why I’m here at all. I do hope you’ll hear me out—some time when you’re not so upset.”

He snapped his fingers before either Chakotay or Kathryn could respond to him and he disappeared as suddenly as he’d appeared. Kathryn relaxed in Chakotay’s arms and he turned her around to properly face him. She was red in the face and her eyes were damp. Chakotay didn’t know what else to do, so he simply leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her forehead. She’d worked herself up into a sweat. 

“He’ll be back,” she said. 

“There’s nothing we can do about it,” Chakotay said with a sigh, “but we can go to sick bay and make sure that he hasn’t done anything. Then I’m going to put a research team on finding any known ways to fight back against the Q or any other immortal being.”

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Though the doctor had teased her about having seen more of her in the short time since she’d returned from New Earth than he had seen of her since his program had been activated, he assured her that her baby was present and accounted for. The baby seemed no worse for the wear and everything was as it should be except for the fact that her blood pressure, apparently, was a great deal higher than he felt comfortable with and he’d requested that she focus on trying to relax as much as possible and not stress over what was happening around her. She didn’t need to worry, after all. Q might have the ability to simply erase her child, but he was sincere in what he’d said about needing or wanting her consent to do so—which was something she’d never give him.

Feeling better about the fact that he probably wasn’t going to do anything to cause her or the baby harm, Kathryn had managed to get control of her emotions a good bit. Following the doctor’s orders, she’d focused on not stressing about anything that might happen. 

She’d ignored the mass of roses that had flooded the bridge when she returned from sick bay. She’d only acknowledged them enough to call crew members to remove them and get rid of them.

She’d ignored, as well, the sprawling apology banner that had been draped across the door of her quarters when she went to take a short break and read over some of the reports she’d been given since that morning. She’d simply torn it down and continued on with her plans.

Q wasn’t done, and Kathryn knew it, but she’d calmed down enough that she was curious about his real motives and she was feeling a little more willing to listen—now that the doctor had assured her that Q was a being of his word and hadn’t touched her baby against her will—to finally figure out what Q really wanted and how it would be best to finally send him on his way. Kathryn couldn’t carry his child. She wouldn’t. But that didn’t mean that she couldn’t help him with whatever his true problem was, she simply had to get to the bottom of things. 

She was halfway through her reports and two thirds of the way through the mug of tea she was nursing when she heard something that caught her attention.

The whimper was soft and quiet, but Kathryn recognized it immediately. She got up and followed the sound. Tucked into a basket, she found a puppy. She scooped the dog up, immediately feeling the need to hold it close and soothe its discontent.

And then it struck her. Puppies didn’t appear out of thin air and they couldn’t be replicated so Chakotay hadn’t left it there for her to find.

“It’s not going to work, Q,” Kathryn said. 

He appeared, just as she’d known he would. She stood up, the puppy in her arms, and stared at him.

“Kathy, please—I upset you so badly earlier. Just accept him as a sign of my sincerest apologies,” Q said. “How can you say no to that face? I know you want him.” 

“He’s precious,” Kathryn said, thrusting the dog in Q’s direction. “But I’m not taking anything from you, Q. The answer is still no and that’s not going to change. I’m married. I’m pregnant. And I absolutely forbid you to do anything to change either of those things.”

“Hear me out, Kathy,” Q said. “Can we talk? Just talk?” 

Kathryn sighed. 

Q went over and sat down on her couch with the puppy in his lap. He patted the cushion next to him.

“Please?” He asked.

Kathryn sighed again. She walked over and sat down, keeping a cushion between them to keep their distance.

“We’re just talking,” Kathryn said. “And I mean it—if you so much as think of touching my child...”

Q held his hands up. 

“Talk,” he said. “Just talk.” He put the puppy between them and patted the dog so that it settled down. “Kathryn—maybe I’ve gone about this all wrong. I bragged to you about my prowess. I tried to make you feel like I was doing you a favor. Maybe what I should have done was be honest with you and let you know that it was you that would be doing me a favor if you would have a child with me.”

“It’s out of the question, Q,” Kathryn said. 

“What if I told you—what if I told you that it was the single greatest contribution that a human like you could make to the universe?” Q asked.

“Then I’d say thank you for flattering me,” Kathryn said. “But the answer is still no. Q, my child isn’t insignificant and it isn’t trivial. Even though it may be to you or the Q, it isn’t to me. It’s—it’s so very important. And, honestly? Maybe I didn’t even realize how important it was to me until you showed up and I thought about the possibility of really losing it.”

“I’m not unreasonable, Kathy,” Q said. “You could go back to your life with Chuckles—if that’s what you want. I’m not trying to take your life away. As far as I know, no human has ever mated with a Q. The pregnancy may not take much of your time. Unfortunately I have no power over how long it takes, but—it may not take long. You could go back to what you’re doing here. Have children with Chuckles later if it makes you happy. I just need you to do this now.”

“And I can’t do it now,” Kathryn said. “Another child, later, with Chakotay sounds wonderful, but only after this one is here and healthy. You’ll have to choose someone else.”

“It has to be you, Kathy,” Q responded. “You’re the only woman that I want to be the mother of my child.”

Q was clearly surprised when the woman appeared in Kathryn’s quarters and Kathryn was even more surprised than he was. She wasn’t prepared for what followed after, either. Immediately, the woman who had appeared hurled a few insults at her and Q introduced them. The woman, it seemed, was a Q as well. A female Q who had been the significant other of Q for some several billion years.

And if Kathryn hadn’t been confused before, she was even more confused by what followed.

The two were clearly not a couple any longer. They had some kind of domestic squabble, the details of which Kathryn couldn’t quite follow, but it was clear that there was quite a bit of conflict between them. It was also clear that the female Q assumed that Kathryn was having some sort of affair with Q despite the fact that Kathryn assured her that she had no interest in Q and, in fact, was happily married. 

Kathryn was almost thankful when she got a call from Tuvok to come to the bridge, though she wasn’t particularly thrilled about having two squabbling Qs on her ship. Beings as powerful as the Q were dangerous, to some degree, and if their fighting got out of hand it could be catastrophic for the much less powerful beings that inhabited Voyager.

“I’m sorry,” Kathryn said. “I have to go to the bridge and you’re going to have to take your domestic dispute elsewhere. I don’t want it on my ship.” 

Much to her annoyance, the two of them followed her as she headed for the bridge instead of disappearing like she’d hoped they would. 

She couldn’t focus on them for long, though. She got another call, this time from Chakotay, requesting that she come to the bridge as soon as possible if she wasn’t already on her way. There was something happening that she’d be interested in seeing. Apparently the third star in two days was just about to go supernova—something that was practically unheard of—and it appeared that it might not be the last. 

She was going to have to make some quick decisions about how they were going to proceed from here, and she didn’t have time to deal with Q—neither of them.


	39. Chapter 39

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

And no matter how you celebrate or what you celebrate, I hope you’re having a wonderful day! 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“Get us out of here!” Kathryn barked at Tom as soon as the reports of the second star around them going supernova came rolling in. 

“I can’t, Captain,” Tom responded. “The waves are coming too fast. The engines won’t be able to get ahead of them.”

“They’re coming in from different directions, Captain. Even if we managed to get out of the track of one, the other would still be on top of us,” Harry added.

“We should brace for impact,” Tuvok suggested.

“Between the sounds of reports about the strange string of supernovas and the damage they could very well do to the ship, and the bickering back and forth of the two Q, Kathryn could barely hear herself think. She was trying to tune the Q out, but one thing she did hear them say drew her attention and she latched onto it. She moved closer to the Q that had been harassing her.

“You’re causing this?” She asked.

“Yes and no,” Q responded. “It’s complicated, Kathy.”

“Make it stop,” Kathryn commanded. “I don’t care how complicated it is.”

Q almost looked satisfied.

“That’s what I’m trying to do.”

“The wave will reach us in four minutes,” Harry said.

“I’m doing my best to get us away from it, Captain, but we’ll never outrun the blasts,” Tom offered.

“You’ve got to do something,” Kathryn told Q. “You have to get us out of here.”

“Whatever you say,” Q said. He snapped his fingers.

The very next thing that Kathryn knew, she was standing in a very lavishly decorated living room and she was wearing a dress that was almost uncomfortably restrictive. Outside of the house, there was booming sound of weapons firing. 

Before Kathryn could spend too much time wondering what was happening, Q appeared. He came through the door and quickly closed it behind him. 

“I must say,” Q offered, “your gown is very becoming.”

“What are you doing, Q?” Kathryn asked. “My crew and my ship are in trouble. I have to get back to them!” 

“I’m sure Chuckles has the whole thing under control,” Q said. 

“I’m sure Chakotay can handle things, but I’d like to see that for myself,” Kathryn said. “I don’t have time for your fantasies, Q.”

“This is hardly a fantasy, Kathy,” Q told her. “You’re in the Q continuum now.” 

Kathryn looked around her. It wasn’t her first visit to the Q continuum, but this was a great deal different than what she’d seen the last time she’d been here—if she was truly in the continuum either time.

“The last time I was here it was some kind of waystation on an empty highway,” Kathryn said.

“It’s all an illusion anyway, Kathy,” Q said. “Your limited human understanding cannot even begin to comprehend the continuum. Everything you see is a creation that’s meant to help you contextualize things in a manner that you can comprehend. It’s not real because you couldn’t conceptualize the reality of the Q continuum. For your benefit, this is a charming manor house. You’re a beautiful Southern belle. I’m a dashing Union soldier. Our union is unusual, and maybe even forbidden, but that won’t stop us. Outside, civil war rages. A war which our union can bring to an end, Kathy.”

“What are you talking about, Q?” 

“The Q are set on self-destruction,” Q said. “Unless we do something, much of the continuum will be destroyed and they’ll take with them an unimaginable amount of the universe. It’s already started. You’ve been seeing the effects.”

“The supernovas?” Kathryn asked.

“Intergalactic crossfire,” Q said. “The supernovas are just one result of what’s happening here. They’re just the start of what could happen if we don’t stop this soon.”

“I don’t understand what I have to do with this,” Kathryn said.

“You have everything to do with this,” Q said. “Do you remember our friend Quinn?” 

“The Q that committed suicide?” Kathryn asked. 

Q nodded.

“Do you remember what I told you would happen? Since his death there’s been a civil war caused by the backlash of traditionalists against the cries for freedom and individualism that are coming from the Q that support Quinn’s beliefs. I’ve been the one leading the rebellion, Kathy. I’ve been fighting for his beliefs and also for some of those human ideals that you taught me. Things that could improve the Q. You humans may be intellectually inferior, but some of your beliefs seem worth embracing. Meeting you, Kathy? It’s done a lot to change my beliefs. It’s changed how I see some things. It could do a lot to change the beliefs of others.” 

“I don’t understand,” Kathryn said.

“Kathy—I’m a Q. I’m more powerful than you can even imagine. If I wanted, I could simply wave my hand right now and replace the child you’re carrying with my own. I could have shown up in your room that night just to tell you that you were pregnant, but I had replaced your fetus with our child. The only reason that it hasn’t happened is because I’ve chosen not to handle the situation that way. I’ve given you the chance to choose, Kathy, because I believe in that human idea of choice. I believed that you would make the right choice, though, and you haven’t yet. We’re running out of time.”

“I don’t understand what a baby has to do with any of this. If you have a conflict, Q, then why don’t you just look for a way to resolve it that’s nonviolent? Something that won’t destroy anyone or anything? That’s something my species has had to learn over a long period of time, but we’ve nearly gotten rid of the need for violence over disagreements and disputes. Surely the Q, who are supposed to be so superior to humans, could figure out how to settle this without—without a war that could tear apart the fabric of the universe. Surely they can handle this without violence.”

Kathryn walked to the window to look out. Beyond the glass, she could see the glow of fire. She could hear the sounds of war. It made her chest ache and her stomach churn.

“That’s why our child is so important,” Q said. He walked up behind Kathryn and touched her shoulder. She pulled away from him. She didn’t find his touch comforting and he didn’t force it on her. “The infusion of your DNA, Kathy—the introduction of your human ideals. Our child would be the first offspring of a Q and a human. Your DNA would bring the best that humanity has to offer to the continuum. Kathy—our child would be a new breed of Q. It would bring an infusion of fresh blood. From the moment it comes into existence in your womb, it will join the continuum and change the minds of the Q. It will be what we need to stop the conflict and to work together. Our child will be the embodiment of coming together, Kathy. It will bring unification and peace. You’ll be the mother of peace, Kathy.”

Before Kathryn could respond, a rain of bullets shattered the windows and Kathryn found herself being roughly thrown to the floor as Q did his best to protect her from the shower of bullets.

He held her against him on the floor. She hadn’t found his touch comforting earlier, but in light of what had just happened she drew her body close to his and ran her hand across his chest as she leaned into him, waiting to see if more bullets would come ripping by them. The warm wetness on her hand and the metallic smell of blood surprised her.

“You’re bleeding,” Kathryn said, looking at the blood on her palm. “I don’t understand. I thought the Q couldn’t be injured.”

“You’d be surprised by the ingenuity of immortal beings set on destroying one another,” Q offered.

“Come on,” Kathryn offered, “let’s get you somewhere safe and I’ll try to stop the bleeding.” 

She got him moved to a position that might offer more protection and she did her best to stop the flow of blood with pieces of cloth that she could rip from the ridiculous gown she was wearing. He was growing weak, though, and Kathryn wondered if she’d have to be witness to his death. Outside the battle raged on. Kathryn jumped when Q caught her wrist and held it tightly in his hand.

“We need to act,” Kathryn,” Q said. “And we need to act now. What more could you possibly want than to be the woman who bred with the Q and ended their civil war?” 

Kathryn swallowed.

“You may not understand it,” Kathryn said, “because maybe I don’t even understand it, but I want my child to live more than I want anything you’re offering.”

Q didn’t try to hide his annoyance. Outside the fighting seemed to find some renewed strength. 

“I hope you change your mind soon, Kathy, and stop being quite so human. But until you do, you better get the rifle that’s over there by the door and prepare yourself to defend the mansion. They’re coming for us. You can be sure of that.”

“I’m not fighting, Q,” Kathryn responded. “This isn’t my war.”

“You might be right,” Q agreed. “It might not be your war, but you’re here now. You’re part of this, Kathy. You’re involved whether or not you want to be. And if their weapons can make me bleed, just imagine what they’ll do to a human like you.”

Kathryn jumped when what was left of the windows shattered as something came through them. Whatever it was, it brought fire with it and much of the living room ignited almost instantly. 

Kathryn’s heart seized up in her chest. She didn’t want to give up her baby, but there was a very good chance that neither of them was going to survive this. 

In a matter of moments, smoke started to fill the room from the small fires that had ignited on the drapery, rugs, and furniture. Kathryn didn’t know what to expect outside of the mansion, but what she did know was that they weren’t going to be able to survive inside. The smoke would take her breath in a few minutes and she’d lose consciousness. 

Whatever was happening out there, she’d have to take her chances with it and hope for the best. 

Kathryn got her arms around Q and pulled him up. He protested, fighting against her and the pain that his gunshot wound must be causing him. She’d done what she could to keep the wound from bleeding, but she couldn’t actually heal it. There was really very little that she could even do to attempt to soothe him.

“You’ve got to help me,” Kathryn said. “You’re too heavy for me to carry.”

Q protested, but he got to his feet with Kathryn’s assistance. She wrapped his arm around her shoulder and he leaned on her, putting more weight on her than she was sure she could handle for any length of time. 

“They’ll kill you, Kathy, if we go out there,” Q informed her.

“I’ll die if I stay in here,” Kathryn responded, pulling Q toward the door. “You will too. We’ll figure something out. There’s got to be some way to stop this—to call a truce.”

“I’ve told you how we stop it, Kathryn,” Q said. He was growing heavier with every step and Kathryn feared that they weren’t going to be able to even make it out of the mansion. 

“I don’t accept that answer, Q,” Kathryn said. “There’s got to be another way that doesn’t require me to sacrifice my child. Right now, though, we’ve just got to get you out of here. You’ve got to work with me. Not against me. I don’t intend to die this way, Q. I don’t intend for my child to die this way, and I’m not letting you die this way. So you better just pull yourself together and work with me. We’re getting out of here—and we’re figuring out a way to make this whole thing go away.”


	40. Chapter 40

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn was entirely unsure how to gauge time in the continuum or if it even existed. She didn’t know what was happening with her crew. She didn’t know how long she’d been there or if she’d ever get to leave. The civil war background that Q had created for her to help her understand what was happening, though, made her believe that a number of hours had passed. She’d found the other Qs on his side and they’d helped her get Q to a camp. She’d been caring for him, but he wasn’t doing well. Nobody was doing well.

Kathryn wetted the rags she was using to mop at his skin and returned to lay them over his forehead. Q woke for the first time in quite some time. He smiled at her. It wasn’t some kind of coy smile, it was the smile of someone who looked genuinely pleased to see her. 

“Where are we?” He asked.

“I got you out of the mansion,” Kathryn said. “I found some of your people. This is one of the camps. Judging from the state of things, and unless the other side is a lot worse for the wear, I’d say that you’re on the losing side, Q.”

“You saved my life,” Q said. 

“If things don’t improve, it won’t be worth much,” Kathryn said. “I don’t think these Q can hold out for much longer.” Kathryn sighed and mopped at the sweat that the pain brought to Q’s brow. “I’ve been thinking about what you’ve been saying for hours, Q. I think I can understand where you’re coming from, even if I can’t understand it all completely. I think you’re right. A new Q could bring peace. It could bring unity. I think it’s time to end this.”

Q smiled again. He reached his hand up and affectionately caressed Kathryn’s cheek. She allowed for the affectionate touch. 

“My dear, sweet, wild Kathy,” Q said. “I knew you’d come around. I knew you’d come through. I promise you. You won’t regret your decision. I’ll make sure that—I promise that you won’t suffer at all, Kathy.”

“You misunderstand me, Q,” Kathryn said. “I can’t carry your child. And you’re not getting to take my baby. You’re not going to have a child with me, Q. You’re going to have a baby with the charming lady friend of yours that appeared on my ship. The one with which you’ve already had a long running relationship.”

“What?” Q asked. “It’s out of the question. Two Qs can’t mate together. It’s never been done. It’s without precedent. I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how to even go about it. I can only mate with a species that’s capable of copulation, Kathryn. Like you.”

“You’re omnipotent,” Kathryn said. “You can do anything. Surely you can figure out how copulation works, Q. And if you can’t? I’ll be happy to give you some pointers, but you’re not taking my baby. Besides—I don’t love you, Q. I love Chakotay. And I love this baby. I love this baby more than anything I’ve ever loved before—and I know you can’t understand that. I hardly understand it myself. I’ve only known about it a couple of weeks, Q, but I already feel like it brings a purpose to my life that I didn’t even know was missing before.” Kathryn shook her head at him. “But even if I wasn’t pregnant, I couldn’t mate with you. I just don’t love you.”

“I don’t see what love has to do with any of this,” Q said. He was clearly very annoyed by Kathryn’s continued refusal to give into his plan.

“Love has everything to do with it,” Kathryn said. “When we’re talking about building a family, love is the foundation of that. I could never have a child with someone that I didn’t love. My love for Chakotay is what brought us to copulation—as you put it. It’s what brought this child into being. And, honestly, it’s what’s fueled my love for the child and my hope for our future together. We’re building our family, Q. You have to build your family. Because I don’t love you, I couldn’t have a child with you—much less give it up to the continuum.” 

“I wouldn’t ask you to give it up to the continuum, Kathy,” Q said. “It would be your child, too. You would help me raise it. The two of you would exist within the continuum. You’d have everything you wanted right at your fingertips. Of course you’d raise the baby, Kathy. I wouldn’t take it from you. Look at me. I’m not really cut out to be a wet nurse.”

Kathryn laughed to herself and sat back, making herself a little more comfortable.

“You want the child, but you don’t want to do the hard work,” Kathryn said. “There’s more to being a father than going around impregnating females.”

“And I suppose your Chuckles is a good illustration of that?” Q asked.

Kathryn smiled to herself.

“Oh yes,” she assured him. “I’m sure that Chakotay is going to be a wonderful father. I’m sure that he won’t shy away from the hard work. The feedings, the changings—staying up late at night when the baby doesn’t want to sleep. I’m sure Chakotay would nurse the baby if there were any way that he could. He already wishes that he could take the morning sickness away from me. He’d probably carry and deliver it if the doctor could arrange it.”

“I’m more a man of ideas than a man of action and dirty diapers,” Q offered.

“You need to be a man of both,” Kathryn said. “That attitude might be what’s landed you in this predicament. Q—it’s going to take more than impregnating someone to create a new Q. Those human ideals that you were talking about? Everything that you thought mating with me could bring to the continuum? They’re not part of our DNA, Q. They’re part of our upbringing. Just as Chakotay will teach things to our child that come from his life and his culture, I’ll teach our child things that come from my belief systems. You have to do the same. A baby doesn’t just come into being with all its knowledge there. It has to be taught. At least human babies. I don’t know about the Q.”

“What if I told you that I’d send the whole ship home, Kathy?” Q asked. “All you have to do is be my mate. I’ll give you the whole universe to explore at the snap of a finger. I’ll show you things that you’ve never before imagined could even exist—things that no human has ever seen. You’ll care for our son and together the two of you can explore everything there is. Infinite space. I’ll send your whole crew home. You’ll be a hero to them.”

“You’ve promised me that before,” Kathryn said. “My crew will get home, but they’ll get home through hard work and determination, not through me selling myself to you. I’m not your mate, Q. I’ll never be your mate. And you’ll never convince me to give up my baby. You’ll just have to mate with your Q friend and raise your child to be what you want him to be.”

“I don’t know how to mate,” Q said. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

“And yet you were so keen on mating with me?” Kathryn asked.

“I thought you would help guide the process,” Q said. 

“Then you’ll simply flash the baby into being or whatever it is that you can do,” Kathryn said. “It’s really of very little concern to me how you have a baby with the other Q so long as you leave me out of it. You’ll have a little time to think about it. I’m going over to the other camp now and I’m going to call a truce. I’m going to tell them that you want to talk to them. That you have a plan for bringing about unity and peace.”

Q reached out and caught her arm. 

“They’ll kill you, Kathy,” Q said. “And I don’t want that to happen.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. He was sincere, though, and it was almost endearing. 

“I’ll have to take my chances,” Kathryn said. “With any luck, there won’t be any more killing and you can get me back to my ship.” She laughed to herself. “If I know him at all, even though he’ll be trying to get them out of the way of imminent destruction, my husband’s going to be worried about where I am and what’s happening to me.” Q nodded his head and let go of Kathryn’s arm. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

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The feeling that things didn’t go according to her plan was not exactly a new feeling for Kathryn. Pretty much all her life she’d felt like she’d always gone at things with the best of intentions, but she’d certainly learned that even her best intentions didn’t always mean that she’d get the best possible outcome.

Being marched to her execution certainly wasn’t the outcome she’d hoped for when she’d tried to negotiate a truce. 

All her pleas fell on deaf ears. The Q didn’t want to see reason. They didn’t want peace. They wanted blood, it seemed. Her blood and Q’s blood. 

Q tried to talk to them on her behalf. He’d declared her innocent. He’d implored them to consider the fact that, in executing her, they also took the life of her unborn child—a creature that couldn’t, in any way, be more supremely innocent. 

And still they wouldn’t hear what either of them had to say. They had been given the sentence to die and, clearly, that’s what would happen.

“I’m sorry,” Q told Kathryn as she prepared herself for death.

“I know,” Kathryn said. “I believe you.”

Kathryn closed her eyes when the firing squad took their places. Seconds later there came the wild popping of shots fired and Kathryn braced herself to feel the bullets ripping through her flesh. She heard Q gasp and declare himself hit, but she didn’t feel anything. The shooting continued, yet nothing hit her. Kathryn finally opened her eyes. She looked down at herself. There was no sign of blood. She glanced at Q as he writhed against the constraints that held him to the tree. 

“You’re not hit!” Kathryn declared. “They’re not even shooting at us!”

The Q were fighting again. Both sides were at it once more. Kathryn watched them and, suddenly, she started to recognize faces in the crowd. Her own crew members were there and they were fighting against the Q, all of them dressed as soldiers. 

Kathryn jumped when she felt someone touch her and she turned quickly, as much as her restraints would allow.

“I’m sorry to startle you, Captain,” Harry offered.

“Harry!” Kathryn declared. 

He quickly freed her from her constraints and pulled her with him. They took refuge behind a nearby tree. The female Q that had showed up on their ship was there to free Q, but she was taking her time with him. She was making him suffer for as long as she could with the doubt that he would be granted his freedom. In his pleas that she help him, he informed her of his plan to mate with her and bring peace to the whole of the continuum.

And then, without warning, the fighting suddenly stopped around them. 

Kathryn had missed what had happened, but something had stopped the war—at least temporarily. Her own people came out into the open with the Q and weapons were lowered. Chakotay came barreling out of nowhere toward Kathryn and she ignored any expectation of decorum. She practically threw herself at him and she allowed him to lift her off the ground with the excitement of having found her again. 

Once her feet were securely on the ground again, Chakotay held Kathryn with one arm and he raised the pistol he was holding with the other. He pointed it at Q.

“Be careful,” the female Q offered. “He’s using our weapons.”

Q raised his hands in surrender.

“Easy Chuckles,” Q offered. “Nobody wants any more bloodshed here.”

“Did you hurt her?” Chakotay asked, his brow furrowed.

“He didn’t,” Kathryn assured Chakotay even as Q did the same.

“Did you hurt our child?” Chakotay asked.

“The little rug rat is fine,” Q said. “Safe and sound and just where you left it.”

“Leave us alone, Q,” Chakotay said. “Leave all of us alone.” 

“There’s no need for such dramatics,” Q said with a laugh. “I assure you, your child will come to no harm at my hand. I understand you. You’re a family man. I’m about to be a family man myself. You seem like the kind that would appreciate it—so you’re welcome to watch.” 

Chakotay lowered his weapon, but he didn’t remove his arm from Kathryn. He continued to hold her tight against him and she didn’t fight him. For a moment, she was enjoying the strength of his embrace. Her heart was still racing over her earlier fear of facing her death at the hands of a firing squad. For just a moment she was happy to indulge in the safe feeling that Chakotay’s touch always brought her. 

It wasn’t proper to watch the moment of conception between the two Q, but Kathryn found she couldn’t look away. Curiosity got the best of her and, since the two of them were determined to conceive their child right there in the open, it was clear that they were unbothered by the fact that they had no real privacy. 

To say she was surprised, though, when they touched the tips of their fingers together and then congratulated each other on a delightful coming together, would be downplaying the way she felt.

Kathryn pulled free from Chakotay and walked toward Q.

“That was it?” She asked.

He looked at her coyly.

“You had your chance, Kathy,” Q said. “Don’t go crying about it now. You’ll just have to make do with what you’ve chosen.”

Kathryn heard Chakotay laugh behind her before his hand found her and pulled her back to him. He was still holding the gun against anyone who might come near them and it was clear that he had no intention of letting her get too far away from him until they were somewhere safe.

But it was also clear that he was feeling better than he had when he’d first raised the weapon at Q.

“Believe me, she’ll be fine,” Chakotay assured Q. “Now return us to our ship, Q. We’re done here.”

As suddenly as Kathryn had appeared in the mansion wearing the restrictive dress, she found herself back on the bridge of Voyager in her uniform. She looked herself over in the same way that everyone else seemed to be doing.

“Tom—where are we?” Kathryn asked.

“We’re back on course, Captain,” Tom said. “And—our time is the same as it was when I first sat down after our meeting.”

“Q restored us to our path,” Chakotay mused. “And he gave us back our lost time.”

“Any sign of supernovas?” Kathryn asked.

“Nothing but clear skies,” Harry said. “According to our readings, we probably won’t see anything until we reach the trading planet, Captain.” 

“How long will that take?” Kathryn asked.

“Approximately a day and a half at our current speed,” Tom informed her. 

“Hold our course,” Kathryn commanded.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Tom responded.

Kathryn sighed and sunk into her chair on the bridge. Chakotay’s hand came over and touched her on the arm. 

“Do you need to go to sick bay?” Chakotay asked.

“I believe I’m fine,” Kathryn said.

“Do you want to go just in case?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Are you suggesting I go, Commander?” Kathryn asked.

“With all due respect, Captain,” Tom said, “but maybe you should throw the Commander a bone. When you disappeared on us, we all got a little afraid that Chakotay was going to destroy all the Q and tear apart the entire universe if you weren’t returned quickly and unharmed. Going to sick bay for a scan is the least you can do.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“The doctor’s going to think I’m just moving in there,” Kathryn said. She stood up. “But if it makes everyone happy...”

“It would make me happy,” Chakotay informed her. 

“I’ll second that,” Tom offered.

“Third,” Harry offered.

“Although I understand that you don’t wish to be a burden, Captain,” Tuvok offered, “the EMH’s purpose is to handle all medical concerns. It doesn’t matter how trivial they may end up being. Peace of mind can be of the upmost importance.”

“I hope you don’t all think I’m going to tolerate you ganging up on me for the next six or seven months,” Kathryn said. 

“We wouldn’t dream of it,” Chakotay promised her.

Kathryn hummed at him. 

“Commander, you’ve got the bridge. Call me if you should need me.”


	41. Chapter 41

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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The remainder of Kathryn’s day on the bridge had been uneventful. The doctor had given her yet another clean bill of health, which had been entirely what she’d expected, and he’d sent her on her way with his now common imploration that she at least attempt to make it to the start of her second trimester before she embark on any more adventures with her little one. 

After leaving her shift on the bridge, she’d enjoyed dinner in the mess hall with Chakotay and she’d made final rounds to make sure that there was nothing more that needed to be handled. Finally, she’d slipped down to engineering to meet with B’Elanna, since she’d be heading the away team to the trade planet, to make sure that she wasn’t having any last minute concerns about what they’d be doing there.

“It seems pretty straightforward to me, Captain,” B’Elanna assured her. “I’ve studied as much of their laws as we can find. If what Neelix says is accurate, it shouldn’t be too hard for us to get in and get out without too much trouble.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go?” Kathryn asked.

B’Elanna laughed to herself.

“I think I’ll be able to handle it, Captain,” B’Elanna assured her. 

“Chakotay to Janeway.”

Kathryn touched her combadge.

“Janeway here,” she said. “What is it, Commander?”

“I’m just leaving sick bay. Neelix has asked me to come by the mess hall for something, but then I’ll be in our quarters,” Chakotay responded.

Clearly he wasn’t aware that Kathryn was still out and about on the ship and that she wasn’t tucked away in the privacy of their quarters. Still, as long as he’d already been somewhat open over their link, she might as well ask the question that was going to gnaw at her now.

“What were you doing in sick bay?” Kathryn asked. “Is everything alright?” 

“My blood pressure wasn’t what it should be,” Chakotay responded. “But that’s to be expected when my wife—and my Captain—goes disappearing into hostile space and takes my child with her. I’ve got good news, though.”

B’Elanna was watching the interaction with a smile on her face. Kathryn couldn’t help but smile in response. She seemed genuinely interested in whatever it was that Chakotay might have to say. Kathryn only wanted to be sure that it was appropriate for an open link. 

“What is that?” She asked. “And you might want to be aware that you’re on an open comlink. Lieutenant Torres is here. She can hear you.”

Chakotay laughed.

“Hello B’Elanna,” Chakotay said.

“Chakotay,” B’Elanna responded.

“What’s your good news?” Kathryn asked.

“We’re dying to hear,” B’Elanna added.

“I was just going to say that the doctor issued me a personal medical tricorder,” Chakotay said. “It’ll save on trips to sick bay. We can scan you any time we need to verify that—well, you know. That everything’s alright.”

Kathryn shook her head, but she laughed to herself.

“Very well, Chakotay,” Kathryn responded. “I’m just finishing up here and I’ll be in our quarters shortly. Janeway out.” Kathryn raised her eyebrows at B’Elanna. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t realize it was a personal call.”

“Don’t apologize,” B’Elanna said. “Captain—maybe it isn’t my place and maybe I’m overstepping my boundaries...” She hesitated.

“Go on, B’Elanna,” Kathryn said. “I don’t think we’re too concerned with boundaries right now. It’s been one of those days for all of us.”

“I just wanted to say thank you, Captain,” B’Elanna said.

“Thank you?” Kathryn asked. “For what?”

“I care a great deal for Chakotay,” B’Elanna said. “As someone I’ve served under and as a friend. I’ve seen him go through a lot. I’ve seen him dealing with a lot of hurt and a lot of anger. I guess—you make him so happy, Captain. It’s written all over his face these days. As his friend, I just want to thank you for giving him that happiness.”

Kathryn swallowed against the tightness in her throat and did her best to put on a smile instead of letting the tears escape her eyes that she could feel prickling just beneath the surface. She reached out a hand and affectionately squeezed B’Elanna’s arm.

“Thank you for saying that,” Kathryn offered. “Sometimes I feel like I cause him a lot of stress. Especially—lately. I’m not even sure if it’s worth it to him to put up with everything I put him through.”

“Please don’t think that,” B’Elanna said. “Maybe it looks different from where you’re standing. But from where I’m standing? Chakotay’s nearly the happiest man alive.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Maybe admitting this to you is—not befitting of a Starfleet officer,” Kathryn said, “but I hope you’ll forgive me because of the nature of our conversation.”

“I’m not trying to talk to a Starfleet officer,” B’Elanna interrupted. “I was honestly more interested in speaking to a friend.”

Kathryn swallowed again. 

This was what she wanted. She wanted her crew to be a family. She wanted them all to be friends. She wanted closeness and unity among them. There were signs every day that they were growing closer to being that unit, but there were still some who hung back and remained a little on the outside. B’Elanna was one that had stayed, always, a little on the outside. She participated, but she held a piece of herself back. 

This was the first sign that she was trying not to hold back. Kathryn reminded herself that, though she felt driven to follow Starfleet protocol and decorum, she was a captain who was alone with her crew in the Delta Quadrant. The old rules didn’t quite apply to them.

And, truthfully, she didn’t want to be separate from her crew because of rules that were made, eons ago, by people who had never been, and would never be, in her position.

“I like very much that I’m speaking to you as a friend,” Kathryn offered. “And—as long as that’s how I’m speaking to you? I’ll admit to you that—we knew it wasn’t going to be easy. We don’t know what the Delta Quadrant holds for any of us. But—any happiness I give to Chakotay, he gives back to me tenfold. I can’t speak for his feelings, exactly, but I can promise you that he makes me the happiest woman alive. I only hope that I can offer him a fraction of what he gives to me.”

“You do,” B’Elanna assured her. “I can see it, Captain.” She laughed to herself. “I’ve never heard him so excited over a tricorder before. That’s proof enough.”

Kathryn sighed.

“At least it’ll save on trips to the sick bay,” Kathryn said. “Of course, I’m hoping for no more adventures like the little one that Q took us on.”

“We’re all hoping for that, Captain,” B’Elanna responded.

“Are you certain that you’re feeling OK about the away mission?” Kathryn asked.

“We’ll get in and we’ll get out,” B’Elanna said. “We’ve already got a list of supplies we need and we’ve procured things we know are desirable for trade. It’ll be a simple mission, Captain. I don’t have any worries about it. In fact, I’m about to turn in and get some sleep—just as soon as I make sure the everything is set for the night shift. We’ll go through our plan once more tomorrow and we’ll be ready.”

“Very well,” Kathryn said. “I guess I’m about to turn in as well.”

“Sweet dreams, Captain,” B’Elanna offered. “Give my best to Commander Chakotay.”

Kathryn laughed at B’Elanna’s teasing and left engineering. She made her way quickly back to her quarters, offering a smile and bidding goodnight to everyone that she saw on the way. 

It had been nearly a full day since they’d been flashed back in time, returned to the early point of their day when Q hadn’t caused them any trouble, but it felt like it had been much longer. As Kathryn neared her quarters, she could feel her body growing heavier with the anticipation of rest. 

When she stepped through the doors of their quarters, she immediately realized that Chakotay hadn’t made it back from whatever he was doing, but she was hardly alone. Q was there, sitting on her couch, and on his lap was a fresh-faced baby boy.

“Your son?” Kathryn asked. Q smiled at her and nodded. “That was fast. A Q’s gestation time is—a matter of minutes?” 

The Q exist outside the constrictions of time, Kathy,” Q said. “But you wouldn’t be able to comprehend that. Humans are so bound by time. It’s been no time and infinite time in the continuum since I saw you last.”

Kathryn accepted that. 

She also knew that Q, as he was, and the baby were just facades that were created for her to be able to comprehend what she was seeing. None of them actually knew what the real form of a Q was—if a Q even had a true and visible form. The baby, as he was presented to her, appeared to be about six months old despite the fact that Kathryn had witnessed his conception only hours before. Many things about the Q were beyond her understanding. And this child, as she understood it, might very well be some kind of anomaly even for the Q. She didn’t know how the Q usually came into being, but apparently it wasn’t through old-fashioned, human-preferred, pregnancy and birth.

“He’s adorable, Q,” Kathryn offered.

“Of course he is,” Q said. “He’s smart, too. So incredibly smart. I’ve already taught him how to knock small planets out of orbit.”

“I thought you were going to be a good influence,” Kathryn said. “Teach him wonderful ideals like love and compassion.”

“I will,” Q said, “but I thought—his Aunt Kathy might help with that. We wanted you to be the godmother, Kathy.”

“I’m honored,” Kathryn assured him. 

“Just wait until you get to babysit,” Q said. “You can’t leave him alone for even a minute.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I’m sure it’ll be good practice,” Kathryn said. “After all, someday I hope to have my own.”

Q smiled at her. 

“You will,” he said. “Trust me on that.”

“You’ve seen it?” Kathryn asked.

Q hummed.

“Let’s just say that—with a mother like you? I’m sure that little tyke will be just fine,” Q said. “After all—she was ready to let the whole universe implode to save her child.”

Kathryn felt her face run warm. Maybe it wasn’t the most responsible decision she’d ever made, but the truth was that she didn’t regret it. She told Q as much.

“I don’t regret it,” Kathryn said. “I just couldn’t do that.”

“I think I understand that now,” Q offered. “So—for what it’s worth? I’m sorry, Kathy.”

“I accept your apology,” Kathryn said. “The war?” 

“There’s peace in the continuum,” Q said. “But—we have to be getting back. There won’t be peace for long if we’re out too late. Q always gets mad when we’re not home when we say we will be.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. Q lifted his son’s hand and used it to wave at Kathryn while he voiced a “bye-bye” as though the child could say it. Then he blinked out of the room, leaving Kathryn alone. She didn’t remain that way for long, though, because Chakotay stepped into their quarters only moments after Q had vanished.

Chakotay was beaming. His smile broadened when he laid his eyes on Kathryn. He held up the tricorder that he was carrying. 

“No more trips to sick bay just for a quick check on things,” Chakotay said. “Is something wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kathryn said, coming over to him. “Q was just here. Did you ask the doctor for that?” 

“I did,” Chakotay said. “What did Q want?” 

His smile had dropped and instantly it was replaced with concern. Kathryn shook her head. She didn’t want him being upset by anything at the moment. His genuine smile was too beautiful to see it lost over something as trivial as a harmless visit from Q.

“He wanted to show me their baby,” Kathryn said. “To ask me to be the godmother.”

“Baby?” Chakotay asked. “Already?” 

“The Q exist outside of time,” Kathryn said. “Now—did you want to scan me? Check on our baby?” 

Chakotay looked at the tricorder in his hands like he’d forgotten it. 

“The doctor said you were fine,” he said. 

“I know that,” Kathryn said. “I just thought you might like to see for yourself.”

His smile returned. He turned on the tricorder and quickly scanned Kathryn. She watched him. She could see the exact moment that he read the results. A soft smile took the place of the expression that he wore while waiting for the results. 

“Well?” Kathryn asked.

“She’s fine,” Chakotay said. “Good heartbeat. You’re fine too. All your vitals are perfect.”

“What about my heartbeat?” Kathryn asked.

“Strong,” Chakotay said. “Normal.”

Kathryn hummed at him. She closed the distance between them and looped her arms around his neck. He lowered himself for her to kiss his lips, anticipating what she wanted. She kissed him and sighed into his mouth when he deepened the kiss. He pulled away just enough to speak to her.

“I love you,” he said, something like reverence in his voice.

“I love you too,” Kathryn assured him. “What if we—worked on getting my heartbeat up a little? Ever since we witnessed how the Qs mate, I have to admit that I’ve been just thanking my lucky stars that we’ve got it so much better.” 

Chakotay laughed.

“We do have it a lot better,” he said. “Did you—think you need a little reminding of how it goes?”

“Mmmhmmm,” Kathryn hummed. “Maybe just a little.” 

Chakotay pulled away from her, then, and offered her his hand. She took it and he tugged her toward the bedroom portion of their quarters. 

“Then come right this way, Kathryn. It’s an early morning tomorrow, but we’ll see if we can’t at least hit the highlights before we have to go to sleep.” 

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AN: I hope you’re enjoying. I should let you know that I am keeping Neelix/Kes together in this story and I’m also eventually going to have Tom/B’Elanna together as a couple. I won’t be focusing on them individually, really, but they’ll continue as ensemble characters like they are now. I hope that’s not a problem for anyone.


	42. Chapter 42

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn woke to the high pitched sound of the tricorder. She blinked and looked around her to find where the noise was coming from. She smiled at Chakotay as he reached over to put the machine away.

“Nothing happened during the night, did it?” She teased. “I’m still healthy?”

“You’re perfect,” Chakotay said.

“I don’t know about that,” Kathryn said. She rolled all the way over to face him and to save her neck the discomfort of craning it so dramatically. “Was there something wrong?” 

“Nothing wrong,” Chakotay said. “To be honest, I just like seeing both sets of information displayed.” Kathryn smiled at him and he raised his eyebrows at her. “You feel OK?”

“Yes,” Kathryn responded. “So far, so good. Maybe the baby is going to start giving me a break in the mornings.” 

“I wouldn’t get too excited about that possibility. You just slept through your hyposprays, actually,” Chakotay said. 

“Did you sleep at all?” Kathryn asked. “Or did you just stay up all night watching over me like my guardian angel?” 

Chakotay laughed.

“I was tempted to stay up all night watching over you,” Chakotay said. “But I slept well enough. You were hot when we turned the heat down last night, but then you got cold this morning and came rooting into me. I slept better once you wanted me to hold you, but then I woke up when you moved away from me again. You were just starting to do the thing you do, just before you wake up sick, where you begin to bunch up. I took a chance and gave you the hyposprays and you drifted back off into a dead sleep. I’ve been asleep, too, since then. I woke up naturally about ten minutes ago because I couldn’t stand to stay here without going to the bathroom.”

Kathryn groaned. Just the mention of relieving herself sent shockwaves to her bladder.

“Me too,” she muttered, getting out of the bed.

“Hurry back,” Chakotay teased as she headed for the bathroom.

Kathryn washed her hands when she was done and she washed her face with cool water. She smoothed down some of her hair that had escaped the braid she’d put it in and then she returned to the bed where her husband was waiting.

Kathryn crawled across the bed and immediately stole a kiss from Chakotay that he was more than happy to give her. 

“Do we have time?” She asked. 

“We have all the time in the world,” Chakotay said. “We don’t hit the trade planet until tomorrow. Today is just travel time. If we needed him to, Tuvok could hold the bridge.” He laughed to himself. “If it’s as clear as they say it’ll be, Harry could hold the bridge all day.”

“I want to hold a meeting,” Kathryn said. “Make sure there aren’t any last minute concerns. I’m not hiding out in our quarters all day.”

“And you’re not going to the planet, either,” Chakotay said. “Just promise me that and I’ll let you do whatever it is that your heart desires on Voyager.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“B’Elanna, Tom, and Neelix are more than capable of handling this,” Kathryn said. “As long as nothing unforeseeable happens, they’ll be fine. Besides, I’m going to keep a lock on them at all times. We’ll beam them back if we have to, abort the mission, and pray to find a planet with what we need somewhere within the expanse.”

“So that was a—yes, I promise you that I’m not leaving the ship?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn playfully pinched him and in return he tickled her until she pulled away from him to put enough distance between them that his dancing fingers couldn’t reach her sides.

“I’ll stay on the ship,” Kathryn said. “Now—do we have enough time? Or are you not in the mood?” 

Chakotay sat up and leaned toward her. He reached out and caught her arm. He worked his way down it with his hand until he had her hand in his. Then he pulled her toward him. She went willingly and she rested her body against his. She accepted the slow kiss that he gave her and she took her time drawing it out with him like they had nowhere to go and nothing to do. 

When they broke apart, Chakotay brushed his hand over her face.

“I’m always in the mood,” Chakotay assured her. “When it comes to you. And we’ll make time.”

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Chakotay swallowed back his amusement at the way in which Kathryn’s eyes lit up when Neelix put the plate of food in front of her that was piled high with nearly every breakfast food that anyone could imagine. He’d asked what she wanted for dinner and she’d come back with a request for a second breakfast before she’d even taken time to think about it. It had been right on the tip of her tongue, even though it wasn’t related at all to what everyone else was eating. Immediately she’d tried to change her order, not wanting to put the Talaxian to any trouble, but Neelix wouldn’t hear of it. 

If the captain—and their tiny captain by extension—wanted breakfast for her evening meal, then she’d be given a feast fit for a king.

And from the looks of her face, she was prepared to do her best to eat everything that he’d chosen to put before her. 

“Oh—Neelix! Thank you! I didn’t mean for you to go to so much trouble!” Kathryn declared. 

“It was no trouble, Captain,” Neelix assured her, happily drinking in her praise. “And Commander—the casserole and a side of fruit. Captain—the fruits I served you are from the Oqu, but I was careful to select the ones that you did not identify as having the smell of—I believe it was feet, you said.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized.

Neelix waved away her apology.

“It all looks—and smells—delicious,” Chakotay said. “But I’m not the smell expert at the table.” He winked at Kathryn when she looked at him.

“It smells wonderful,” Kathryn said. 

“I’ll leave you to it,” Neelix said. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

They both thanked him one last time and then he walked away to attend to the others who were filing in and waiting for their evening meal. Chakotay tasted the casserole and hummed his approval.

“It’s actually pretty good,” he said. “You want to try it?” 

Kathryn was already deeply involved with her breakfast and she was working her way through a large mouthful of it when he asked her the question. She looked at him, almost appearing surprised that he would speak to her, and shook her head.

“There’s no Leola root in it,” Chakotay said. “I promise.” 

Kathryn worked on swallowing down what she was eating and she washed it down with some of her water before she shook her head at him again.

“No thank you,” she said. “Honestly—I don’t want to ruin the taste of this. Neelix is getting really good at making pancakes and these little red fruits are delicious. Have you tried them?”

“I’ve had them every time you’ve refused them because you were scared they’d make you sick,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn looked apologetic.

“When they’re all served together in some kind of cocktail it’s hard to tell which his which,” Kathryn said.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Chakotay said. “If you don’t want to eat it, you don’t have to eat it. That’s just a general rule.”

Kathryn hummed at him and returned to eating her meal. His casserole wasn’t bad, but he clearly wasn’t enjoying his food with the same gusto as his wife. She was given to skipping meals, especially if nobody reminded her to sit down and eat them, but Chakotay was happy to see that their impending arrival was doing a great deal to make her enjoy eating what she needed to provide for the both of them. 

The mess hall around them was filling up. There was the din of people talking and laughing. Chakotay smiled apologetically when he accidentally caught the eye of an ensign that felt obligated, by the awkwardness of the moment, to smile at him. Then he turned back to Kathryn.

“Neelix says he knows someone who may be able to get us maps through this expanse,” Chakotay said. “Did he talk to you about that or was I the only one who got that information?” 

“He mentioned it,” Kathryn said. “But I told him it’s best if they just get what they have to get and don’t try for anything else. From what he’s told me, the expanse is in a constant state of flux. It’s impossible to map it before it’s changed again.”

“Maybe it has a certain amount of time when it remains stable,” Chakotay offered.

“Whether or not that’s true,” Kathryn said, “something about it just doesn’t seem right to me. I don’t know who it is that’s offering Neelix the maps or what he’ll have to go through to get them. If the expanse is in a constant state of flux, then we’ll need to calculate how rapidly those changes take place and we’ll have to plot our course as we go. I think that’s the only way to handle what’s ahead.”

“But if we do that,” Chakotay said, “then we’re going in blind. We’re talking about a whole month of only knowing what’s a day or so ahead of us.”

“And if we go in using maps that aren’t correct,” Kathryn pointed out, “then we could end up lost because we’re relying on something else and not on our own abilities. Neelix is an incredible help to us, but for the most part we’ve spent a lot of this journey not knowing what was around the next corner. We don’t know the Delta Quadrant. This expanse is just another place that we’re unfamiliar with. We’ll do what we’ve been doing. We’ll keep our eyes open and we’ll take it as it comes.” She laughed to herself. “We know it’s sparsely populated, so at least that lessens our chances of meeting with any hostile aliens.”

Chakotay glanced around him again, watching people as he ate his food, and he took note that, a few tables away from him, B’Elanna was eating dinner with Tom. 

Chakotay leaned toward Kathryn, lessening his need to speak to her in much more than a whisper.

“I’m guessing that B’Elanna hasn’t expressed any concern about the mission to you?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn furrowed her brow.

“Has she mentioned something to you?” Kathryn asked. “She told me that she felt confident about it and that they were prepared.”

“She hasn’t mentioned anything,” Chakotay said. “I just thought she might. Did you tell her about Neelix’s friend?”

“I told her the same thing I told Neelix,” Kathryn said. “I don’t want them taking any chances at all. I don’t want them trying to get anything that isn’t sold right there in the open. Neelix told us, himself, that this planet has a reputation. I don’t want anyone playing hero. I just want a smooth trip there and back so that we can see what’s actually in this expanse.”

“I—I just couldn’t help but notice that Tom volunteered pretty quickly to go on this mission,” Chakotay said. 

“He likes a little adventure,” Kathryn offered.

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Are you sure that’s all he likes?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn looked at him with question. 

“What are you talking about?” She asked.

Without drawing any attention, Chakotay flicked his head in the direction of the table that Tom and B’Elanna were sharing together. He smiled and waited for Kathryn to find what he was pointing out to her. 

“Tom and B’Elanna?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay shushed her to remind her that they were in the mess hall and, though nobody was paying them any attention, they didn’t want to take the chance that their voices would carry.

“I’ve just been noticing that they’re quick to help each other,” Chakotay said. “And she didn’t hesitate to pick him for her second before Neelix signed on to join them.”

“He’s a good choice,” Kathryn said. “Tom can be a little too quick to jump into things, but that’s one of his strengths sometimes as much as it’s a weakness.”

“They’re having dinner together,” Chakotay said.

“Maybe they’re talking about the mission,” Kathryn offered.

“They might be,” Chakotay said. “Or they might be talking about something else.”

Kathryn watched them a moment and then she turned back to her food. 

“I’m not going to spy on people,” Kathryn said. “But—if I were going to spy on people, and if I were going to gossip about what I saw...then I might say that we knew it would happen sooner or later. We’ve talked about it before. It’s only natural. People will start to pair off. We won’t be the only ones.”

“And that’s a wonderful thing,” Chakotay said. “Because even though we’re off to a great start, I don’t think that the two of us alone will be able to create an entirely new crew to take over Voyager in the next few decades. But—speaking of pairing off—the holodeck is open tonight. I was wondering if you wanted to go to the cabin. Just escape for the night?” 

Kathryn smiled warmly at him. 

“I’d love to,” she said. “Is there anything that I need to know about? Anything I’m supposed to prepare for?”

“No,” Chakotay assured her. “I just thought you might like to spend the night there. We could just relax a little. Enjoy the quiet. I’ve got a feeling it’ll be a nice night. Maybe we could just—relax and gaze at the stars?”

Kathryn smiled broadly.

“I’d love that,” she said. “It sounds wonderful.” 

Finish up your breakfast, first, though. Before it gets cold.” 

“Are you making fun of my choice for a meal?” Kathryn asked.

“Absolutely not,” Chakotay said. “I’m just happy to see you eating—and being so happy with your food.” He smiled at her. “From what I hear, getting enough to eat is good for growing babies.” 

Kathryn put her fork down. 

She was good at pretending that she was angry, but there was still a hint of a smile on her lips that she couldn’t completely choke back.

“Is that some kind of comment about how much I’m eating?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay laughed to himself and reached across the table. He picked her fork up and offered it to her. When she didn’t take it, he caught her hand and put it in her hand, despite her attempts to playfully fight him off so that he couldn’t do just that. She laughed at him, loudly enough that she embarrassed herself, and apologized to a few people around them who looked when she laughed. Her cheeks blushed red at having drawn their attention, but everyone simply returned to what they were talking about—most of them wearing smiles.

Chakotay squeezed her hand in his. 

“I think you’re eating a perfect amount,” Chakotay said. “Finish what’s on your plate. It’ll get you through until I replicate you a snack for later.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to fatten me up for something,” Kathryn said.

“That might be part of my plan,” Chakotay said. “But the other part is...” He stopped and leaned toward her, aware of everyone around them now that she’d drawn their attention with her laughter. “The other part is just making sure you keep up your strength. I happen to know you burn a lot of calories, Captain. You’ve got to replenish those somehow.”

He winked at her when her cheeks blushed pink again. She gave him a coy smile, though, and returned to the work of cleaning her plate.


	43. Chapter 43

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

There’s a NSFW warning for the first part.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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The part that was going to be Chakotay’s true undoing was going to be Kathryn’s face. As she loomed above him, her eyes were closed and her brows were tightly knitted so that it was difficult to tell if she was in pain or losing herself in pleasure. Chakotay was trying not to think about how good it felt to be inside her or how she made love with the same determination—and skill—as she did everything else, because those thoughts would make him lose control before he wanted to let himself go. He’d decided to simply study her face, but it turned out that it was no better for his concentration. Kathryn, in every way, was his undoing.

Chakotay kept his hands on Kathryn’s ass to offer her some support as she rode him in search of her release. He dug his fingers deeper into the soft skin there and growled an apology to her when he came, unable to hold on any longer. She did her best to get what she could from him before he slipped from her body, but it wasn’t quite enough. As soon as he could move, he changed their positions and, once he had her resting on her back, he lowered himself down to suck gently at her clit. Immediately she reacted by pulling away from him and then rolling her hips back to him, in apology for her retreat, to beg for more. She was closer than he thought she’d be, and he loved when she was like this. He loved knowing what he could do to her, especially knowing how much power she had over him.

Her interest in food had changed since she’d begun growing their child, but so had her interest in being with Chakotay. She had wanted to be with him before she’d gotten pregnant, but it was different now. Now it was almost urgent. She was hungry for him—almost seeming starved sometimes despite the frequency with which he tended to her needs—and it affected him more than he might have imagined. 

The mewling sounds that escaped her, along with her panting, made Chakotay pull away from her for a second to keep himself from laughing. He immediately returned to finish the task at hand. When she came, she did so almost violently. Chakotay immediately slipped up the bed to lie beside her. He smoothed back her hair where it clung to her face and she smiled at him, still panting. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hold out for you,” he said.

“You more than made up for it,” Kathryn told him, her voice coming out a little hoarse.

“You’re too much for me,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “You’re too beautiful. I look at your face and I’m—I’m like a teenage boy or something. Sometimes I just can’t keep control of myself.”

“You’re far from a boy,” Kathryn said, caressing his lips with her fingertips. “And I think you’re allowed the occasional moment of losing of control. Besides—it’s incredibly flattering and I certainly can’t accuse you of leaving me hanging. You never have.”

“That would be a pretty terrible thing to do,” Chakotay said.

“And yet it happens,” Kathryn assured him.

Kathryn rolled away from him and Chakotay tried to stop her until she told him, with one word, that she was simply going to use the bathroom.

“Do you want me to bring you anything when I come back?” She asked.

“Water,” Chakotay said. 

She smiled at him and offered him the same question that he commonly asked her. 

“For washing or drinking?” 

“Both,” he responded.

She wasn’t gone long. When she returned, she offered him a damp rag and a glass of water. He drank half the water and wiped himself down. He tossed the rag to the floor to be dealt with in the morning. When he gave her the glass back to put out of the way, she finished off its contents and then she slid into bed next to him. As soon as she was settled into the bed, Chakotay kissed her lips gently and held the kiss a moment. She stole a second kiss from him before she sighed and snuggled tightly in beside him. 

“Relaxed?” Chakotay asked.

“Very much,” Kathryn responded. “When we’re here, it’s easy to forget we’re on the holodeck. You did such a good job with it, Chakotay. It really feels like being on New Earth.” 

“That’s what I meant for it to feel like,” Chakotay said. “I’ve got a lot more work to do on the program, but at least it’s not a bad start.”

“It’s wonderful,” Kathryn assured him. 

Chakotay hugged her closer to him. In the darkness of their little room—the only light coming from the holographic stars and bright moon that he’d programmed for their night sky—Chakotay stayed awake for a bit and simply held Kathryn. It didn’t take long before he heard her breathing even out. Soon she was snoring quietly—something she’d also started doing since their little one had come into being, but she’d insist that she didn’t do—and Chakotay closed his own eyes to get what sleep he could before they had to wake and go back to being Captain and First Officer of the ship.

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A night at the cabin did absolute wonders for Kathryn. Even though Chakotay enjoyed the down-time that the program offered them, he enjoyed her reaction to it more than anything. She was visibly “lighter” in the morning and she practically floated back to their quarters, despite the incredibly early hour, when they left the holodeck to go and get ready for the early start of their day.

The expanse that lie ahead of them had the potential to be absolutely boring and to leave them all with the better part of a month to fill however was possible. Chakotay had heard people talking about their preparations. People planned to read books, spent their rations on crafting and hobby supplies, and prepared to entertain themselves with games and holodeck programs. Some of them almost seemed to fear the possible impending boredom and quiet. Chakotay was looking forward to it. Their New Earth holodeck program was wonderful, but it had been hastily done. He was looking forward to having the leisure time necessary to tinker with it and put in a few changes that he was enjoying planning, quietly in his mind, during any spare moment he could stand to kill with daydreaming. 

The break, hopefully, from being in a populated area of the Delta Quadrant would also give Kathryn and Chakotay more time to focus on each other and the needs of their growing child. Chakotay knew they would certainly be no worse for that time and care.

“Do you want to shower with me?” Kathryn asked as soon as they were in their quarters. 

“Who could refuse an offer like that?” Chakotay responded.

Kathryn started shedding her clothes as she walked toward the bathroom and Chakotay followed after her.

“There’s something I need to talk to you about, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I meant to bring it up last night but—the night was just going so well that I didn’t get around to it.”

“I’ll be honest,” Kathryn said, taking her hair out of the braid that she’d used to tie it back the night before, “I really don’t like the sound of that.”

“It’s nothing terrible,” Chakotay said, shedding his own clothes. Kathryn gave the command to start the shower, but she remained standing in front of him instead of moving to get into the now running shower. Chakotay stepped forward and pushed her toward it to get her moving again. “I talked to the doctor.” He immediately shook his head at Kathryn when he saw concern wash over her features that there was something she hadn’t been told about. She stepped into the shower and Chakotay followed her. She laughed nervously to herself.

“Do you think you could just spit it out?” She asked. “Or is this some kind of stress test that you and the doctor wanted to do on my heart?” 

“There is a cognitive disorder that runs in my family,” Chakotay said. “It’s genetic. It caused my grandfather to be regarded as crazy, actually. It causes hallucinations. I carry the gene for it, but it was suppressed before I was born. There’s a chance that I may have passed it on to the baby.”

“Is it dangerous?” Kathryn asked.

“They have the medical ability to keep it from being dangerous these days,” Chakotay said. “That wasn’t always the case, but now it’s relatively harmless. If it were active, a few holosprays a day and it would be under control. The gene can be suppressed, though, just like was done for me. The doctor wants to do a genetic scan of the baby. Just to be sure. If the gene is present, he can suppress it. If it isn’t, then we’ll know there’s nothing to worry about.”

Chakotay put his hands on Kathryn’s shoulders and physically directed her under the spray of water so that she’d remember that she was supposed to be showering and that they would soon have to get ready so they could make it to breakfast before they went to the bridge and started handling arrangements for the away mission that would take place that day.

Kathryn accepted his coaxing and set about washing her hair.

“But the baby will be fine?” She asked. “If it has the gene?” 

“If it has the gene, the doctor will simply suppress it,” Chakotay said. “He assures me it’s a simple procedure for you and the baby.” 

“I’m not worried about myself,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed.

“I didn’t think you were,” Chakotay said. 

“It’s not dangerous to you, either?” Kathryn asked.

“The doctor assures me that he has the ability to control the gene,” Chakotay said. “Like I said, worst case scenario sees me taking a couple of hyposprays a day to keep things in check. It’s nothing to lose sleep over. I didn’t want to talk to you about it last night because I thought you’d worry and I didn’t want you to. There’s no need in it. I’m only telling you now so you can prepare for the scan if you like to emotionally prepare for such things.” 

“He can’t do it right away?” Kathryn asked. “Today?” 

“He said he’d get a better reading in about a week,” Chakotay said. “He wants to wait.” 

“It’s going to drive me crazy to wait that long,” Kathryn said.

“Just remember that it’s no different now than it was before I told you about it,” Chakotay said. “The baby is fine. She’s safe and warm and comfortable.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out. She stepped out of the flow of the water to let Chakotay wash himself while she lathered up her bath sponge. Chakotay quickly washed himself, but he noticed she was taking her time. She had a lot on her mind. It wasn’t really anything that she needed to worry about, but she was going to worry about it just the same. When he finished washing, Chakotay rinsed out the cloth he preferred to use and hung it to dry before he took her sponge from her and signaled at her to turn around. She was more than capable of washing herself, but sometimes he found it comforting to do it for her. It was one of the things he could do for her, so it was something he enjoyed. He washed her back with far more care than was necessary and with far more care than he’d used for himself.

“I do have some good news,” Chakotay said. “Something positive to think about. Would you like that?” 

“More than I think I can express at the moment,” Kathryn said. 

“The doctor will be able to tell, when he does the scan, whether or not the baby is a boy or a girl,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn didn’t respond and Chakotay physically turned her around and directed her to the stream of water. She rinsed herself off at his coaxing. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her lips before he leaned and pressed another kiss to her wet shoulder that tasted of bathwater and the scented soap she enjoyed so much.

“I wish that I didn’t even bring this disorder to the table,” Chakotay said. “Maybe I should have told you about it a long time ago. Back on New Earth. Before...”

Kathryn cupped his face in her hands. She shook her head at him.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Kathryn said. “I would have still wanted to be with you. I would have wanted to marry you. I would still have been...so happy to find out that we were expecting a baby. I’m just worried. You mean so much to me, Chakotay. Our baby already means so much to me. You say cognitive disorder and—suddenly my lungs feel like they’re encased in iron because I don’t know the full extent of what that might mean.” 

Chakotay squeezed her arms in his hands and kissed her again. This time she returned his kiss. 

“Talk to the doctor yourself if it’s going to make you feel better,” Chakotay said. “You can read some of the information on it. We’ll download it to your PADD to read along with all that prenatal information that I know you haven’t even looked at yet. I promise you, Kathryn, that we’re all safe. I’m fine. The baby is going to be fine. The gene is just something that the doctor wants to go ahead and suppress so that there aren’t any complications at all for the baby as she grows. That’s all. Instead of focusing on that, let’s focus on the fact that we’ll know in a week whether or not we’re preparing for a son or a daughter, how about that?” 

Kathryn smiled at him, though all the concern wasn’t entirely erased from her features.

“You’re already convinced we’re having a girl,” Kathryn said.

“And you’re not,” Chakotay responded. “One week and we’ll know for sure.” 

Kathryn sucked in a breath and let it out. Chakotay could see her starting to calm as she allowed her mind to shift gears to more pleasant thoughts. He gave the command to turn off the shower and he offered her a towel before he took one for himself. She stepped out of the shower and started to dry off and he got out after her. 

“Have you decided yet what you want to be called?” Kathryn asked. “I’m Mama but—what about you? Did you ever decide? Did you settle on—Father?” 

“My own father was Father,” Chakotay said. “And his father before him. But—I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t feel the need to keep with that tradition and of all the titles that I’ve tried for myself, I really find that one the least satisfying.”

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“Then what do you want to be? What else did you have in the running? Father, Papa, Daddy?” She asked, taking her towel with her and leaving the bathroom to get dressed. Chakotay followed her and immediately started to put on his own uniform as she worked her way into hers. 

“I was thinking about Daddy,” Chakotay said. “Do you like it?” 

“I love it,” Kathryn assured him. “But what really matters is how you feel about it. Do you like it?” 

“I do,” Chakotay said. “It makes me feel—closer to the baby? I don’t know. It makes me feel warmer than Father does.” He laughed at his own reasoning and Kathryn’s soft laugh in response. “Maybe that’s a silly reason to choose a certain title.”

“I think it’s the best reason there is,” Kathryn said. She pulled on her gray undershirt, her jacket and shoes the final things that she’d put on once her hair was dried and done up. She crossed the room and kissed Chakotay, looping her arms around his neck and rubbing at base of his skull with her fingertips. “There’s no silly way to feel when it comes to your relationship with your child,” she assured him. “And I’m positive that you’re going to make a wonderful Daddy.”


	44. Chapter 44

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

Thank you so much for the support! I’m so pleased that you’re excited to work your way through this story with me! 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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It wasn’t exactly bluffing, but Kathryn had certainly hoped that she didn’t have to follow through with the threats she made to the Mirillian official that had spoken with her about the intentions of the Mirillian officers to hold her crew members for life for a crime which they hadn’t committed—having only been in the marketplace at the time and nowhere near the point where the actual incident supposedly took place—because she was pretty sure that Starfleet would have frowned on her decision to blow their trade arena entirely off the face of their planet. 

“All members of the away team are safely on board with their supplies,” Tuvok informed her. 

“Excellent,” Kathryn said. “Get us out of here. Warp 4.”

The ensign that was piloting in Tom’s absence accepted his order and Kathryn felt her muscles relax as the reports rolled in that there were clear skies ahead and they were seeing no pursuit from the planet.

“Good work, everyone,” Kathryn said. “Call me if you need me. Continue on our course into the expanse. I’m going to check with our returning away team.”

“Since Mr. Neelix has returned,” Tuvok offered, “it might be advisable to express interest in an afternoon meal, Captain. I assure you that we can hold the bridge in your absence. There appear to be no concerns ahead.”

Kathryn looked at her husband who was more focused on their piloting ensign than he had ever been in the past. She raised her eyebrows at Tuvok, but he remained unbothered. 

“While the threat of certain annihilation was effective,” Tuvok continued, “and an impressive demonstration of knowing what your enemy would respond to best, it was also a reminder, Captain, that allowing your blood sugar to dip too low can cause a disruption in your mood.”

“What he means, Captain,” Chakotay offered, “is that you’ve earned a break and we’ve got the bridge. A late, working lunch could be a good way to handle the debriefing with Lieutenant Torres in a casual manner.”

“That is precisely my meaning,” Tuvok said.

Kathryn laughed to herself. She could scold them. She could be offended. She saw very little use in either reaction, however. 

“Very well, gentleman,” she said. “I will be talking to Lieutenant Torres over lunch. I expect to be notified if anything changes. You have the bridge, Commander.”

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“When the officials came into the marketplace, everyone froze,” B’Elanna said. “They started arresting people and, at that time, we were far enough away that I just thought something had happened and we’d missed it. Nobody was protesting so we just stayed where we were. It wasn’t until I realized that they were arresting all of us that I called back to the ship.”

“And you never saw anything happen?” Kathryn asked.

“It was peaceful, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “Right up until they told us we were being charged with a crime. By the time we even knew what they were charging us with, they were informing us that we were convicted and sentenced to life.”

“And none of the others were protesting?” Kathryn asked.

“Once we were escorted into the—I guess it was some sort of holding space—there were a lot of non- Mirillian individuals present. They were mostly protesting, but the Mirillians almost seemed to expect it. It’s like it’s something commonplace. They just round up groups of people, charge them with some sort of made up crime, and sentence them to life in prison.”

“Excuse me, Captain,” Neelix said, coming over. “This is very hot.”

He put the tray down in front of Kathryn and he put another tray in front of B’Elanna. 

“This looks delicious,” Kathryn said. “What is it?” 

“It’s a personal creation based on a dish that Mr. Paris requested. It’s a vegetable lasagna. Captain—for you, I left out the Leola root, though I have to admit that I think it would add a certain zing to the dish. I’m afraid it may be rather bland and boring without it,” Neelix explained.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Kathryn said, smiling at Neelix. “I’m sure it will be wonderful.”

“If I may, Captain,” Neelix said, “I couldn’t help but overhear a little of Lieutenant Torres’ description of what took place on the planet. I’ve heard stories before that the Mirillian planet is rich in the resources that they offer for trade. Of course, if a planet has a large number of resources, particularly those located underground, it’s necessary to extract those resources for use. It was always something of a story that got passed around that the Mirillians held people captive to use as miners underground. Of course there’s no sign of all this extra life, but...”

“But if they’re underground, then they’re more difficult to detect,” Kathryn offered.

Neelix nodded his head. 

“They’re arresting people to use them as miners?” B’Elanna asked. 

The question was clearly rhetorical. None of them actually knew what they were doing. They wouldn’t ever know, either, because they were now moving quickly away from the planet and they were leaving them to whatever practices had kept their planet going for ages. 

“Well—at least we got what we needed,” Kathryn said, “and you all managed to escape whatever fate they had in store for you.”

B’Elanna laughed.

“How could we expect otherwise?” B’Elanna asked. “Even I got nervous when you told them what would happen to their planet if we weren’t released.”

Kathryn felt her face run warm. 

“Perhaps I was a bit over-dramatic,” she offered.

“I thought it was perfect,” Neelix offered. “They hardly even pretended that they were going to talk it over.”

“We’re really thankful, Captain,” B’Elanna said, “for you getting us out of there the way you did.”

Kathryn, realizing that her food had probably cooled down enough to be able to taste it without scorching her mouth, picked up a forkful of the lasagna and tasted it. She hummed her approval and nodded at Neelix. As soon as she could swallow, she smiled at him.

“This is excellent,” she assured him. “If Tom requested it, he’ll be pleased.”

“I’ve got a lot more of it to prepare for dinner,” Neelix said. “I’ll let you both enjoy your meal.”

He practically scampered away, pleased with his praise, and Kathryn smiled at B’Elanna. The woman was watching her intently, but with a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Is there something wrong?” Kathryn asked. 

“It’s just that I don’t believe you’d ever hurt his feelings, Captain,” B’Elanna said, “so I’m not sure if I should trust your assessment of the food.”

“I wouldn’t hurt his feelings if it were possible to avoid it,” Kathryn confirmed. “And never over something as trivial as food, but I assure you that I meant what I said. It’s actually quite good. And these days I consider myself quite the connoisseur. If something is even a little off, my stomach lets me know about it.” 

B’Elanna tasted her own food and nodded.

“Not bad,” she said. “I think that the lack of Leola root really helps things. If you don’t mind my saying, it’s one of the perks of your pregnancy that the whole crew has been enjoying. You can’t stand to smell it cooking, so Neelix isn’t cooking it. We’re all very thankful to you. Unfortunately—this means that we can never allow you not to be pregnant, Captain.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“That’s going to be some trick,” Kathryn responded. “Chakotay and I have spoken about the possibility of more children in the future, but I think we’d like at least a short break between them. In particular, I think I would like at least a short break in between them.”

B’Elanna smiled.

“The idea of Voyager as a family ship is something that I wasn’t certain about in the beginning,” B’Elanna admitted. “But I’m warming up to it now. Perhaps it’s you and Chakotay that have helped with that a little.”

“There’s plenty of room,” Kathryn said. She shrugged her shoulders at B’Elanna, not wanting to pry too much but remembering Chakotay’s theory on things. “There’s a chance that, before we make it back to Earth, we’ll need to replace the whole crew. Chakotay and I are certainly not trying to monopolize that task. There’s more than enough space, I believe, for everyone who wants one to have a family.”

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Chakotay loved being with Kathryn. He could probably be with her twenty four hours a day without ever losing interest in her. Their personalities were a little different, though, and he recognized that. Kathryn loved him, and he had no doubt about that, but every now and again she liked a little quiet time to herself. She always seemed to recharge during that time and then she came back to him, energized and happy to see him. 

When she’d dropped a whole trail of hints about wanting to settle down in a bubble bath with a book, Chakotay had picked up all the crumbs that she’d dropped and he’d understood her entirely. She loved him. She wanted to be with him. But, first, she wanted to spend a little time with herself. 

They were just three days beyond the Mirillian planet and into the expanse. The skies were clear and, though they were constantly having to reset their course due to changes around them, they were finding that the trip had the potential to be every bit as quiet as they had anticipated. That meant, of course, that they were three days into the journey and some people were already starting to become bored. Most of them, however, were finding ways to entertain themselves. The holodecks, Chakotay was sure, were going to get a great deal of use.

Chakotay made his way down to the holodeck where he knew that Tom would be playing his favorite program. A lot of the crew was gathered there and Chakotay ordered a drink from a passing waitress as soon as he came in. He looked over the pool game to decide if he wanted to join in, thanked the waitress that brought his drink, and then he made his way to the bar where Tom was sitting surrounded by several other crew members.

None of them seemed to notice that Chakotay had come in and he leaned over the crowd to get a look at what Tom was doing. 

“What’s the bet?” Chakotay asked.

Tom nearly jumped out of his skin and somewhat shielded the notebook he was scribbling in from Chakotay’s view. He laughed nervously. Tom wasn’t a terrible gambler, but at the moment he wasn’t giving off the appearance of being a very good poker player. 

“Commander,” Tom said.

“Just Chakotay for now,” Chakotay offered. “What’s the bet?” 

“You wouldn’t be interested,” Tom said. 

“I can see you’ve got two books,” Chakotay said. “So that’s two pools. I’m a bit of a gambler—let me in on it.”

Tom glanced around, but everyone—including Harry who was practically inches away from Chakotay—was looking in a different direction like they hadn’t just been involved and weren’t capable of hearing anything that was taking place. Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I’m not going to be offended, Tom,” Chakotay assured him.

Tom cleared his throat and gestured to one of his notebooks. 

“It’s about the scan this week,” Tom said. “Boy or girl? Two rations per guess and the pot is split between all the winners.”

Chakotay smiled at him.

“Put me down for girl,” Chakotay said. “There’s nothing wrong with that—what’s the winning guess so far?” 

“Boy by a landslide,” Tom said. “But—I’m in for a girl too.”

“What’s the other bet?” Chakotay asked.

Tom looked around for solidarity from his friends, but nobody came to his aid. He looked at Chakotay and Chakotay could see pure apology on his features. Chakotay laughed.

“Is it that bad?” Chakotay asked.

“I don’t think it’s one you could participate in,” Tom said. “It wouldn’t be fair.” 

“And why’s that?” Chakotay asked.

“Because you’d have ways of swaying the outcome,” Tom said.

“What’s the bet?” Chakotay asked.

Tom cleared his throat. 

“What star date will be the first time we see a maternity uniform on the bridge,” Tom said. “So you see, Chakotay, you couldn’t really participate in that one.”

Chakotay hummed and nodded his understanding.

“Whether I participate or not,” Chakotay said, “I could still sway it. I suppose anybody could...but I don’t think anybody wants the captain finding out you’re taking bets over her expanding waistline.” 

He raised his eyebrows at Tom and Tom nodded.

“I can see you’re a man of reason,” Tom said. “And logic. Is there any chance that you’re part Vulcan?” 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I don’t have the ears for it,” he said. “And besides, I can’t control my temper.”

“It’s two rations per date,” Tom said. He leaned up and reached over the bar. He pulled out a calendar that he spread out on the bar. “The pot’s divided if you share dates. Winner takes it all if they’re the only one who chose the date.”

“How about—if I win, someone picks up an extra bridge shift that day—all things provided, of course,” Chakotay said. “So that I can spend some time with the captain. There’s a possibility, after all, that it could be a somewhat touchy day.” 

“And if you lose?” Tom asked.

“Then someone can pick up an extra bridge shift that day,” Chakotay said. “Because whether I win or lose, it might be a touchy day.”

Tom laughed. 

“Sounds like a plan,” he said. “I’ll volunteer for the shift. Where is the captain, anyway?” 

“Relaxing in our quarters,” Chakotay said. “She sent me out to have fun and socialize.”

“She kicked you out,” Tom said.

“Something like that,” Chakotay said. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Tom asked.

“Not in the least,” Chakotay said. “When you’re married, sometimes the time alone makes the time together sweeter.” He smiled at Tom. “Maybe you’ll have the chance to learn that someday.”

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AN: A special thanks to LaiBeli for bringing up the idea that Tom should have at least a few gambling pools throughout the story. There will be more. LOL


	45. Chapter 45

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn was in bed reading when Chakotay got back to their quarters. The gentle scowl of deep focus greeted him when he walked into the room, but it quickly melted and gave way to a smile. 

“Did you have a good time?” Kathryn asked.

“Everyone was at Chez Sandrine,” Chakotay said. “So I went there. How was your bath?” 

Kathryn hummed.

“It was wonderful,” she responded. “I read everything that Kes brought me about the gene and I’m feeling better about everything. It really doesn’t look like it’s anything serious these days.”

Chakotay leaned over her and kissed her before he started getting ready for bed. 

“I told you it wasn’t,” he said. “That’s why I didn’t want you getting all worked up over nothing.”

“What did you do with your evening?” Kathryn asked, changing the subject.

Chakotay left her hanging as he brushed his teeth and finished getting ready for bed.

“Gambled a little,” Chakotay said. “Won a game of pool and took part in one of Tom’s betting pools.” 

He pulled back the cover and slipped into bed beside Kathryn. 

“What is it this time?” Kathryn asked. “What’s he betting on now?” 

Chakotay inched closer to her. Under the blanket, he rested his hand on her stomach. Her body was changing a little. He was aware of it because he was very closely acquainted with her body. He spent a lot of his time studying it. He could tell there was some change, but he knew that there wasn’t much change. It was nothing that would be obvious to anyone who didn’t know her like he did. It might not even be obvious to her because she wasn’t looking for it—not yet. Honestly, there was still no real evidence there of their little one, but their discussions that night in Sandrine’s had Chakotay thinking about the fact that it might not be long before there was some clear visual evidence, for the whole crew to see, that Kathryn was carrying his child. Whether or not she was showing at all, though, she seemed pleased by the gesture and she smiled at him. 

“Just the kind of wager that’s to be expected when the captain’s expecting. What are we all being ruled by? Will it be a girl, a boy, or...a lizard?”

Immediately Chakotay recognized that she wasn’t in the mood for his joke, if she even realized it was a joke. He dragged her closer to him and she somewhat pulled away from him to keep some distance between them. 

“I’m sorry. It was a joke,” he said quickly. “A bad joke and I’m sorry. I swear—the pool is just girl or boy and I’m an asshole. I’ll never make the joke again if you don’t want me to. I promise.”

He would have felt better if she’d yelled at him or thrown him out of bed and sent him back to his old, empty quarters. He would have preferred if she’d made a scene of epic proportions. Instead, she’d just stared at him quietly with a clear expression of hurt on her features that seared through him like a hot knife through butter.

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay repeated. 

She swallowed and nodded. 

“I’m guessing you put in your bet for lizard,” Kathryn said. 

Her voice shook just a little, but she gave Chakotay a forced hint of a smile. She was accepting his apology. She was trying to be a good sport about his joke.

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay said again.

“No more apologies,” Kathryn said. “But—maybe we just make some things off limits for jokes? At least until after the scan, OK? Because the last time we saw the baby it didn’t look entirely human and...well, maybe we’ll just wait a few days before we approve lizard jokes.”

“Kathryn, the doctor confirmed that the baby was entirely human,” Chakotay said.

“Technically, so were we and so were they,” Kathryn said. “Just evolved humans.”

Chakotay nodded.

“Fair enough. It’s off limits for now,” Chakotay said. “For the record, though, it absolutely won’t matter. If this baby were to be some kind of advanced human-lizard-hybrid? I would be just as proud of it and—when we filled the ship up with our beautiful little family? I’d be just as happy, Kathryn.”

“You are an asshole,” Kathryn said. 

“And still you smile,” Chakotay responded. He laughed to himself. “I’d put the river in our holodeck program and they could swim to their little hearts’ content. Did you ever decide on the ideal number of kids? Did we say four or five?” 

“We said four,” Kathryn said. “But we didn’t say lizards.”

“But we can always adapt if necessary,” Chakotay said. She was relaxing. She was loosening up. “All jokes aside, Kathryn, I’m certain the baby is just a baby. She’s only extraordinary because she’s ours, not because she has a tail. Besides, you’ve been craving a lot of different things lately, but it’s never been insects of any kind.”

She didn’t pull away from him when he touched her face. She was forgiving him. She let him kiss her and she returned the kiss. 

“You guessed girl,” she said.

“Yes, but boy is winning by a landslide in popularity,” Chakotay said. 

“Did you ask anyone why they put their bet on a boy?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay shook his head. 

“Ensign Fairchild mentioned the outdated belief that the first child should be a boy,” Chakotay said. “Some patriarchy and lineage thing.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“And I’m guessing you didn’t agree with her?” Kathryn asked.

“I told her it was an archaic belief,” Chakotay said. 

“Oh, Chakotay! I hope you told her you weren’t really bothered,” Kathryn said. “She’s so young. It’ll scare her to death to think she offended you.”

Chakotay laughed. He patted Kathryn’s arm and she snuggled into him.

“I told her I was teasing,” Chakotay assured her. “But—it is an archaic belief. It doesn’t matter anyway, though. She’ll be a girl and her Daddy will use the extra rations he wins to make sure she gets anything she needs.”

He smirked at Kathryn, but she looked as pleased as she could be. Whatever irritation she’d felt earlier for the lizard joke had passed.

“Chakotay—the baby hasn’t even been born yet and you’re already planning to spoil it.”

Chakotay hushed her jokingly.

“Spoil is such an ugly word, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I prefer to think of it as—meeting the baby’s needs. It’s part of my duty to my family. I’m sure you understand that. But--if you’re not too tired, I could demonstrate my dedication to the task for you by meeting some of her Mama’s needs...”

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“I’ve had time to review everything and I don’t think the structural change to the area ahead of us is reason enough to alter our course too dramatically,” Kathryn said. “There’s nothing in our path that wasn’t there before and the atmospheric readings continue to be what we expected. However—I’d like to do our best to navigate around that plasma storm we’re picking up. I’m willing to go off-course a little to avoid as much of the storm as we can. I’m sure we’ll encounter others, but let’s minimize our exposure.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom agreed.

Kathryn had emerged from her ready room with determination, but now that she’d delivered her message, her immediate burst of energy no longer needed to be sustained. She didn’t sit immediately, though. Instead she paced a little around the bridge. 

Nobody had anything to offer her, though. The expanse was quiet. 

Perhaps a touch of boredom was starting to settle in for them already and they were only just starting on their journey through the expanse. 

The greatest excitement they had at the moment was the changing structure of the expanse—something they’d been warned to expect almost constantly—and a plasma storm that was looming ahead. Chakotay couldn’t complain, though. He was happy that it looked like they might have a solid month of “nothing to speak of” lying ahead of them. 

While they monitored things, Tuvok was reading something. Harry was playing with some kind of handheld game that he’d replicated. Tom was entertaining himself with something in his PADD. Chakotay, for his part, was halfway through a book about pregnancy that was written to help the clueless father-to-be know a little more about what his partner was going through at every turn.

Kathryn finally sat down and picked up her own PADD. 

“Lieutenant Paris,” Kathryn said.

“Captain?” Tom asked, turning around to look at her. 

“You can put me down for two rations on boy,” Kathryn said. She glanced at him and smirked.

Tom looked at Chakotay and then back at Kathryn. 

“It’s OK, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn said. “I think it’s a fun bet for everyone to be involved in if they’re interested. There isn’t that much to hold everyone’s attention and I understand that they want to be involved. Neelix informs me that, somehow, being involved with my pregnancy is good for the morale of the ship. I just don’t want to be the only odd man out just because I’m the one carrying the baby. Put me down for boy.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom said. “But—because you are the one carrying the baby, you get to place your bet for free.”

“No,” Kathryn said. “I’ll be just the same as everyone else.”

Tom laughed to himself.

“To be honest, Captain,” Tom said, “I don’t want to take rations from an expectant mother—captain or otherwise.”

“We have more than enough,” Chakotay offered. “Besides—she’s insisting on betting against me. We’re sure to win something.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“That’s not why I’m betting boy,” she said. “I just think it could be interesting to sort of—pull for different teams. Besides, neither of us is going to be upset either way. What did you guess, Tom?” 

“Girl, Captain,” Tom said. 

“Harry?” Kathryn asked.

Harry cleared his throat. He looked like he wasn’t sure it was OK to answer the question.

“Boy, Captain,” Harry offered after a moment of hesitation.

“Tuvok?” Kathryn asked. 

“There is no definitive way of telling whether or not the child is a boy or a girl,” Tuvok said. “There are a number of very old methods that people once used to guess, but they are not reliable. In a game of chance such as the one that Mr. Paris devised, there’s simply a fifty-fifty chance that you will guess the correct response, no matter which you choose.”

“So you didn’t play?” Kathryn asked.

“I have guessed girl, Captain, but I am no more convinced that the child you carry is a girl than I am that it is a boy,” Tuvok said.

“Duly noted,” Kathryn said. She sat back in her chair and picked up her PADD again, this time actually settling in to read whatever she was looking at—very likely the few bits of information that she’d been able to find in the database about this region or, at the very least, about what people used to believe about this region.

Chakotay caught Tom looking at him. Without even saying anything, Chakotay could hear what Tom was asking him. He shook his head. 

He hadn’t told Kathryn about the other bet and he didn’t intend to—at least not until it was done. That would be one bet where she simply couldn’t participate. He didn’t see any harm in her playing along, though, with this bet. She didn’t want to be left out of everything, after all, and she shouldn’t be. 

Tom raised his eyebrows once more at Chakotay in question and Chakotay shook his head at him again. Tom seemed to understand and to accept what Chakotay was trying to say to him. He relaxed and leaned back in his chair. After a moment, he turned his chair around and went back to what he’d been doing before—monitoring his station and reading at intervals.

“I don’t know what it is,” Kathryn said, not even clearly looking up from her PADD, “but I don’t want to know. Keep your secrets, but keep them off the bridge. Understood, gentlemen?”

“Aye, Captain,” Chakotay offered, swallowing down his amusement.

“Aye, Captain,” Tom echoed.

“Very good,” Kathryn said. “Back to work.”


	46. Chapter 46

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn’s anxiety had been decreasing while it seemed that Chakotay’s was increasing steadily. She sat on the edge of the biobed and waited while the doctor wandered around finishing up things he had to do.

The odds of the gene being present were better than the odds that it wouldn’t be, so the doctor had already given Kathryn a green gown that she’d changed into for the procedure that would likely follow the scan. Something about seeing her in the gown had heightened Chakotay’s anxiety. She looked smaller to him, more delicate perhaps, in the gown. Suddenly he was reminding himself that the procedure was simple instead of feeling the need to tell Kathryn the same thing over and over. 

“Neelix would like to do something special for the crew this evening,” Kes said. “He’d like to have a gathering on the holodeck. We’ll already know what the baby is, but he thought it might be nice to do something to announce it to the crew. Just something similar to what we did for Samantha to have the chance to tell everyone.”

Chakotay caught Kathryn looking at him.

“I didn’t realize it was a question and not a statement,” Chakotay said. “We’d absolutely love to have a little party for the crew and make the announcement. It’s good for morale.”

“Neelix calls the baby the ship’s baby,” Kes said, smiling. 

“Chakotay calls the baby the tiny captain,” Kathryn said with a laugh. 

“Personally, I think both nicknames are suiting. I think the party is an excellent idea, and I’m looking forward to being in attendance,” the doctor said. “Furthermore, I also think we’re ready to get started here.”

“Will I feel up to a party, Doctor?” Kathryn asked.

“Perhaps not a wild one,” the doctor said, “but I’m sure that Mr. Neelix can be counted on to keep things tame. Lie back please, Captain. I’ll do a simple scan first to find the position of the baby and to check his or her development. We can tell, then, whether we’re looking at a little boy or a little girl, and I’ll rest this projection chip on your abdomen and it will project the image of your child for you to watch and enjoy while I do the deeper scan to check for the gene.”

Kathryn was settled onto the table and she voiced her understanding and acceptance of the doctor’s plan. Chakotay might have believed that she wasn’t nervous at all, but he caught a quick glimmer of anxiousness as it slipped across her face. He reached out and took her hand, without any great show of things, and he squeezed it in his. 

“OK,” the doctor said, getting started, “the mother’s—I mean the captain’s vitals...”

“In here, Doctor, and for now, I’d be happy to be just the mother,” Kathryn offered gently. The doctor smiled in response. 

“Of course,” he said. “As you are. Mother’s vitals are good, though—I have to remind you to try to relax. This will be a simple procedure if it’s necessary and I can tell you that the baby’s vitals are perfect. I’m projecting the image now.”

Kathryn made a noise—a quiet but sharp intake of breath—the moment that the baby’s image appeared on the screen. Chakotay squeezed her hand. 

“She’s human,” Chakotay said. “Completely human.” 

“I’m not sure what else you expected,” the doctor said. “Not if I understand the child’s origins correctly.”

“He’s teasing about what happened with...” Kathryn broke off before she finished speaking.

“Her evolved form,” Chakotay said. “We wanted to be sure that she wasn’t a lizard. Not that it would have mattered.”

“I assure you,” the doctor said, “that the baby is not a lizard. You are correct, Commander. She’s absolutely human—as run-of-the-mill and lesser-evolved as anyone on the ship.”

“She?” Kathryn asked. 

“Yes, Captain,” the doctor said. “I assumed you might be able to tell. Your baby is a girl.”

The small portion of the screen that registered her vitals as separate from their daughter’s showed that Kathryn’s heartbeat picked up a notch and Chakotay squeezed her hand again to ground her. She returned the squeeze. Her pulse and breathing had picked up, but she didn’t appear to be in distress.

“Would you like a moment, Captain?” Kes asked, stepping in. “Before we continue? Just to process everything?” 

Kathryn nodded at Kes and the doctor backed away enough to allow Kathryn some breathing room. Chakotay took the moment given to them to bend over and, putting his cheek next to hers so that his mouth was just at her ear, to remind her how much he loved her and how happy he was about their daughter. Kathryn choked out her own declaration of love, but it was barely understandable. When he pulled away from her, his cheek was damp from her tears and Kathryn was busy wiping her eyes with her fingers. Kes offered her a handkerchief. 

“She’s just—perfect, isn’t she?” Kathryn asked.

“She is, actually,” the doctor said. “Developmentally speaking, she’s right where she should be. She’s still got a great deal of developing to do, of course. You’ve gained about two pounds, Captain. You should continue on as you’re doing. She’s growing just like she’s supposed to.”

“The next time you see her,” Kes said, “she’ll look even more like a human.”

“She’s beautiful,” Chakotay offered quietly.

He could readily admit that their baby looked very little like a baby in the traditional sense and not at all like she would look when she was done developing. He understood entirely, though, the emotion that had put the expression of absolute amazement on Kathryn’s face. She looked a great deal more like a baby now than she had the first time they’d seen her and, on top of that, she had some small piece more added to her identity. She was their little girl. She was real.

And she must have responded to the flux in her mother’s emotions because she immediately seemed to jolt awake and offered them all a sort of show.

“She’s moving,” Kathryn said. 

“It looks like she’s dancing,” Chakotay said. 

“At this point, she’s moving quite a bit,” the doctor said. “You’re simply unaware of her movements, Captain. May I start with the deeper scan?” Kathryn nodded. “You can relax. You won’t feel anything and neither will she.”

“You’ll have to start talking about names,” Kes offered.

“When will I be able to feel her, Doctor?” Kathryn asked, ignoring Kes entirely. Her eyes were fixed on the screen like she didn’t want to risk missing even a second of the projected image of their daughter who, though she might have been sleeping before, was awake and feeling energetic at the moment.

“You’re at ten weeks now. That’ll be a month or two,” Chakotay offered.

“The commander is correct,” the doctor said. 

“How do you know that?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself. He raised her hand and kissed her fingers. 

“I’ve had a lot of time to read over the past few days,” Chakotay said. “It’s even longer for me to wait to feel her.”

“If you’re anything like Samantha was,” Kes offered, “by the time she’s born you’ll be tired of feeling her.”

“I’ve completed the scan,” the doctor said. 

Chakotay could tell by his expression what he was going to say and he was sure that Kathryn could too. He felt her squeeze his hand. 

“The gene is present,” Chakotay said.

“I’m afraid so,” the doctor said. “However, it’s not a serious situation. I’m prepared to begin the procedure right away.”

Kathryn nodded.

“I’d rather we just went ahead and did it,” Kathryn said. “You’re sure there’s no threat to the baby?” 

“The baby will not be harmed,” the doctor said. “I will put you under. What I give you will sedate both you and the baby. It’s really a precaution to keep everyone involved calm and completely still. Nothing more. I’ll isolate the gene and I’ll suppress it. As soon as I’m done, I’ll bring you back around, Captain. You’ll be disoriented for a little while until the sedation wears off, but neither you nor the baby should suffer any discomfort.”

“How long will it take?” Kathryn asked.

“It shouldn’t take longer than twenty minutes,” the doctor said. “I’ll be very careful, though, and I’ll take my time. I won’t rush. It may take a little longer than that.”

“Take all the time you need,” Kathryn said. “I’m in no rush. My schedule has been entirely cleared for the day. But--putting me under—that won’t be bad for her?”

“If I were to do it every day for several hours a day, perhaps it would have some effect on her development. In this situation, it’s perfectly safe, I assure you.”

“Would it be better if I were to be awake and just—focused on being still?” Kathryn asked.

“The heavy sedation will be better for you,” the doctor said. “And, as you can see, she is quite active. I would need to administer sedation, at any rate, to assure that she’s still during the procedure. I assure you, Captain, that this is a simple procedure and you are not at any risk. Neither is your baby. Kes will be here to assist me and, if it makes you feel more secure, the commander can stay to watch.”

Kathryn was starting to tense now because everything was moving from the realm of hypothetical into reality. Oddly enough, Chakotay was feeling calm descending over him again. Maybe it was because that was what she required of him at the moment and this particular moment was far more about her than it was about him.

He leaned over and pressed his lips gently to hers, entirely unbothered by the presence of Kes and the doctor.

“I’ll be right here the whole time and I’ll be here when you wake up,” Chakotay said. “I promise.”

Kathryn nodded her head at him and then she looked at the doctor who had already loaded the hypospray. 

“I’m ready, Doctor,” Kathryn said. 

“We’ll take care of everything on this end,” the doctor said with a touch of teasing to his tone, “and we’ll see you soon, Captain.” 

He pressed the hypospray to her neck and she drifted off instantly. He removed the device that was projecting the image of the baby and Chakotay backed away to give him plenty of room. Chakotay kept his distance. He stood, nervously, against the wall and avoided asking questions or interrupting the doctor’s concentration in any way. Watching the procedure was nerve wracking, even though he trusted the doctor entirely, simply because there was nothing that he could do except stand there. It would have been much easier to leave and simply return back to sick bay when it was time to wake Kathryn. That wasn’t what he did, though. He kept his word. He stayed until it was over. He stayed until the doctor declared the whole procedure a success. He stayed while he listened to the doctor’s instructions and his final comments on everything—all positive—because he knew that Kathryn would be groggy and would simply be ready to leave when she woke. And Chakotay was holding Kathryn’s hand when she woke up, just the same as he had been when she’d gone out.

He smiled at her when she looked at him with the almost angry expression on her face that she wore every time she woke up. 

“Welcome back,” he said. 

“Already?” She asked.

He laughed. 

“It’s been—probably close to forty five minutes,” Chakotay said. “It took a little longer than anticipated. Did you sleep well?”

“Did something happen?” Kathryn asked, tensing up.

“Nothing happened, Captain,” the doctor assured her. “It was an absolute success. I’ve suppressed the gene and it shouldn’t give your daughter any problem.”

Kathryn smiled.

“My daughter,” she mused. She looked at Chakotay and raised her eyebrows. “Our daughter,” she said. “You heard that, didn’t you?” 

He nodded. 

“I did,” he said.

“You had something to do with that,” Kathryn said. “You—pulled some strings or made some kind of cosmic deal, didn’t you?” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. Clearly Kes found it funny because she laughed too. 

“I’m glad to see your sense of humor wasn’t damaged in the procedure,” Chakotay said. “Are you ready to go back to our quarters? Rest for a while?”

“Doctor? What should I...?” Kathryn broke off. 

“It’s OK,” Chakotay said. “I’ve got all the information we’ll need and I can fill you in on it when you’re ready for it. You don’t have to try to remember everything right now.”

“All you need to know for the moment, Captain, is that the procedure was a success. You’re healthy. Your daughter is healthy. You should rest for a couple of hours and, until you’re feeling steady and a little more clear-headed, you shouldn’t be walking around without assistance. Within a couple of hours, you should feel as good as new. But if you should have any cramping or discomfort, I want to be notified immediately.”

“But there shouldn’t be anything to worry about,” Chakotay added. He tugged on Kathryn’s hand and she made the first moves to sit up. She was clearly groggy and disoriented, just as the doctor had predicted she would be, and she almost looked surprised to find that she could sit. The doctor had warned him that it would take a little time for her to come back into herself entirely after she woke, and Chakotay wasn’t concerned at all. He could handle her even if he simply had to pick her up and carry her bridal style back to their quarters. Chakotay put his hand on Kathryn’s back to support her once she was sitting and he helped her turn to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’ve got your clothes,” he said. “Just hold onto the side of the bed and don’t fall off for a second.” 

Kes and the doctor both stepped in to support Kathryn while Chakotay went for her clothes that he’d put to the side. He returned almost immediately and offered her the simple dress that she’d worn to the sick bay. It was an easy on and off number and it was one that he’d replicated for her to wear in her off-hours. She stared at it.

“That’s not my uniform,” she informed him.

“And we’re not going to the bridge,” Chakotay said. 

“Do you need help getting her dressed?” Kes asked.

“I’ve got it,” Chakotay said. “Maybe we just need a little privacy. Was there anything else?” 

“Nothing that I didn’t tell you,” the doctor said. 

“I’ve downloaded everything you asked for,” Kes said. “And—I’ll let you know when everyone will be meeting on the holodeck.”

“Will we be clear to go?” Chakotay asked. 

“I’m certain she’ll be fine by then,” the doctor said.

“I’m fine,” Kathryn assured Chakotay.

“A nap will do wonders,” the doctor said. 

“I’m fine,” Kathryn repeated.

“You’re perfect,” Chakotay said, swallowing back his desire to laugh and inform her that it was the closet to being intoxicated that he’d ever seen her. “Now—we’ll just get you dressed and we can go. Kes, Doctor, thank you both.”

Kathryn smiled warmly at the two of them. It was the kind of warm smile that Chakotay had already learned might dissolve into tears. 

“Yes,” she said. “Thank you! You’re...you’ve...”

She didn’t inform them of what they were or what they’d done. She forgot, perhaps, what she’d intended to say and they both took their leave with the promise that they’d offer them a little privacy. As soon as they were alone, Chakotay helped Kathryn out of her gown and helped her into her dress, practically dressing her himself.

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said, “please don’t be frustrated with me but...I’ve forgotten where we’re going.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“To our quarters,” he said. “Or to our cabin. Where would you like to go, Kathryn?” 

She looked at him with a furrowed brow. 

“What do I have to do today?” She asked. “I feel like—I have a meeting with someone or...something.”

“No meetings,” Chakotay said, slipping her shoes on her feet and congratulating himself for thinking of replicating her such a simple pair, before, to wear around their holodeck program. “Tuvok has the bridge. There’s nothing we can detect on the long-range scanners. All you have to do is take a nap and, later, we’re going to a little party where you’re going to eat a nice dinner and tell everyone that we’re having a beautiful baby girl.”

Kathryn smiled.

“That sounds wonderful,” Kathryn said. “Every bit of it.”

“Quarters or cabin?” Chakotay asked gently. “Where do you want to nap?” 

He helped her off the bed. She didn’t entirely have her sea legs and she stumbled forward and bumped into him. She gasped over the momentary sensation of falling, but she quickly found that he wasn’t going to let her go down. He held her against him. 

“I’d like to go to our house,” Kathryn said. 

“Our cabin?” Chakotay asked, just to be sure. She nodded. “Then that’s where we’ll go.”

“Chakotay,” Kathryn said as he wrapped his arm around her and prepared to lead her out of sick bay, “I love you so much.”

“I love you,” he assured. “More than you can imagine.”

“We’re having a daughter,” Kathryn said. “A perfect baby girl.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I know that, too,” Chakotay said. “And we’ll talk about it as much as you want. Just hold onto it for a few minutes, OK? Until we get to the cabin. You don’t want to say it too loudly in the corridor and spoil the surprise for tonight.”


	47. Chapter 47

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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Chakotay didn’t let Kathryn sleep too long because he didn’t want her to be awake all night. He let her have a pretty good nap, though, and then he woke her to guide her back to their quarters so that they could start getting ready for Neelix’s party that evening. Kathryn seemed to be recovering well enough, but Chakotay could tell that she was still pretty tired. She’d probably welcome sleep after the party, but she looked excited about sharing their news once they heard from Kes what time they would all be expected to meet in the holodeck. 

“I feel like I should have gotten you a present,” Chakotay said, walking with his hand on Kathryn’s back. She was steady on her feet now, which was a great difference from the way she’d been just after she’d left sick bay. “I should have given you something.”

Kathryn laughed.

“You did,” she said. “A baby. And that’s really the most amazing thing that anyone ever gave me.”

“And I gave you a reason to have surgery,” Chakotay said. “Something for both of you.”

“That’s done now,” Kathryn said. “So let’s focus on the important things. I think it’s your job to make the announcement. I have to grow the baby, but you have to do all the announcement heavy lifting.”

“I can do that,” Chakotay said. 

When they got to the holodeck, he pushed the button for the door to open and then he ushered Kathryn inside. He stepped in right behind her and they were immediately in the Resort that Neelix had designed for everyone to enjoy. A lot of the crew was already there, and many of them were engaged in conversation while they sipped drinks and enjoyed various types of finger-food. 

Near the bar area, there were some decorations hanging up that looked like they’d been hand-painted by members of the crew. Was it a girl or was it a boy? Inquiring posters wanted to know. In addition, there was a small table that was set up with a few sheet cakes and some plates. 

As soon as he saw them, Neelix came directly toward them. 

“Captain! Commander! Come on in! You’re the guests of honor. Please, enjoy some of the food and drinks. I thought we could do the announcement soon and then everyone could eat dinner at their leisure.”

“It sounds perfect,” Kathryn said. “Did you just want Chakotay to make an announcement or—did you have some idea for how you wanted this to go? I remember at Samantha’s there was the...”

“Confetti,” Neelix said, cutting Kathryn off. 

At Samantha Wildman’s party to announce that Naomi was a girl, there had been balloons filled with confetti. When the balloons were pierced, they’d spilled pink confetti everywhere to let the whole crew know that the first baby welcomed onto the ship would be a baby girl.

Looking around, Chakotay didn’t see any balloons and Neelix almost instantly offered them an explanation. 

“The confetti was really a terrible mess,” Neelix said. “We spent the whole next day cleaning out the holodeck and several crew members complained about their cleaning duties when it got tracked through the corridors and showed up on nearly every deck. I looked through a number of programs about the methods that humans have used in the past and I’ve found some traditions that I thought would be every bit as effective as the confetti. For tonight, I’ve baked several cakes that I’ve colored with dye—non-toxic and safe for our little one, of course—so that when you cut into the cake, it’ll be the correct color. I thought you could say whatever you’d like to say and cut the cake. Then everyone can have cake for dessert when they want it. Will that be acceptable? Captain?” 

“More than acceptable,” Kathryn said. “I think it’ll be wonderful. When do you want us to do it?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” Neelix said. “I have the cake over there on the table. I can get everyone’s attention.”

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and he nodded at her. She walked toward the table and he followed after her. Neelix got everyone’s attention quickly and a few of them raised their glasses up in a gesture once they were looking at Chakotay and Kathryn.

“It would appear that it’s my turn to make this announcement,” Chakotay said. “So—I’ll keep it short. The captain—Kathryn—and I want to thank you for taking some of your time to come and celebrate our child with us. We want you to eat and socialize and have a good time. We found out today that our baby is currently about this big.” He held his fingers apart to demonstrate for them the size that the doctor had conveyed to him when he’d told Chakotay about the baby’s measurements. “And the baby is very healthy. Now—let’s let the captain cut this cake and we’ll let you in on the little secret of what we know about who will be joining us in about six and a half months.”

Kathryn picked up the knife that Neelix had left by one of the cakes and Chakotay offered her a plate to put a piece of the cake on. She looked at him.

“Do I just—cut off any piece of it? Anywhere?” She asked.

“Is it all the same color?” Chakotay asked, directing his question to Neelix. 

“Anywhere you cut will be fine, Captain,” Neelix offered.

Kathryn quickly cut the corner off the cake and served it up on the plate. Chakotay smiled to himself. Seeing the light pink cake was a reminder of what they already knew—their daughter was coming. They had a while to wait on her, but she’d be there.

Chakotay held the cake up so that everyone could see it.

“We’re having a little girl!” He announced. “We saw her today and—she’s just like her mother. She didn’t slow down until we forced her into it.”

Kathryn swatted him and Chakotay dropped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him. They got some warm cheers from their crew and it appeared there were smiles all around.

“Please—enjoy dinner,” Kathryn said. “Eat cake. Have a great evening. That’s what we want most. We do thank you for being here to celebrate with us.” She looked at Chakotay, then, and lowered her voice to the volume that was only necessary to speak to him. “I want that cake,” she informed him. “Unless you want that slice.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I’ll get another slice,” he said. “But—dinner first.”

“Dinner first,” Kathryn assured him. “It’s just that—I don’t know, it feels like one of us ought to be the one to eat the piece that announced to the whole crew that we have a daughter. Is that too sentimental? Over cake?” 

Chakotay shook his head.

“I just thought it was the cake you were after,” he said. 

“Honestly I’m not that hungry,” Kathryn said. “We could split the cake. Besides—I smell Neelix’s vegetable lasagna and I’m every bit as fond of it as I am of cake at the moment.”

“Then let’s find a table,” Chakotay said, “and I’ll ask him if he needs a hand bringing the food.”

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Kathryn balanced Naomi Wildman on her knee. 

“She’s getting so big!” Kathryn declared. 

“Of course your little one won’t grow so quickly,” Samantha Wildman said. “But I’m sure it’ll still feel like she’s changing every day.”

Kathryn swallowed around the lump in her throat. 

“It’s amazing to think that—one day she’ll be here,” Kathryn said. “I guess that’s what I suspected, but there was something different about actually seeing her today.”

“I remember that feeling,” Samantha assured her. 

“Chakotay—do you want to hold her?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay was just walking up, drink in hand, and he looked almost surprised. He looked to Samantha Wildman as though he expected the woman to say that he couldn’t hold her daughter. She was no stranger to Naomi being passed around. Though, admittedly, Kathryn had really had very few opportunities to hold the girl since she’d been born.

As a half-Ktarian, Naomi grew at an alarming rate. She seemed to age months within days. Their own baby, being fully human, would age a great deal differently. She wouldn’t be a suitable playmate for Naomi for years to come. 

Chakotay got approval from Samantha and put his drink down before he reached his hands out toward Kathryn. She started to lift the baby up to offer her over and Chakotay stepped forward and stopped her.

“Let me come to you,” Chakotay said. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy today, and I think that might include even lifting Naomi.”

“She’s a baby,” Kathryn offered.

“Who still weighs a little bit,” Chakotay said.

Samantha laughed from where she was sitting just a foot or two away from Kathryn—almost close enough that their knees could be touching. 

“Let him take care of you a little bit, Captain,” Samantha said. “I wish my husband had been able to do some things for me. Just having him here...I’m lucky that I’ve had so much support and care from the crew, but nothing can replace having your husband take care of you. Let him.”

“She’s right,” Chakotay said. “Let me.”

Chakotay hugged the baby against him. Naomi made a few quick sounds like she was thinking about protesting the change from Kathryn’s arms to Chakotay’s, but then she settled. She rested her head against Chakotay’s chest and he moved his body to rock her. 

“Her eyelids are fluttering,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s past time for her to sleep,” Samantha said.

“You might put her to sleep, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. 

“What if I do?” Chakotay asked. “Is that—bad?”

“It’ll be wonderful,” Samantha said. “It’ll mean I just need to take her back to her room, put her in her crib, and she’ll sleep for at least four or five hours. She’s been a really good sleeper from the start.”

“If you ever need a babysitter,” Kathryn said, “we’d appreciate the opportunity to practice a little.”

“Any time,” Chakotay said. “If you’re just looking for an evening off or you want a little time to just—do whatever it is that you’d like to do, we could take her for a few hours.”

“We’d love to,” Kathryn said. “I adore babies, but I have to admit that I’ve had very little hands-on practice with them. I would appreciate the chance to get my hands dirty before our little one comes.”

“I’ll absolutely take you up on the offer,” Samantha said. “Maybe sooner rather than later. I’m afraid that, at the rate Naomi grows, she won’t be able to offer you much training that will be useful to you if we wait too long. Although, Commander, you look like a natural. She looks very content there.” Samantha quickly looked at Kathryn. She wore an almost surprised expression on her face like she couldn’t believe what she’d just heard coming out of her own mouth. “You do too, Captain,” Samantha said. “I’m sure you’re going to be a natural mother. I only meant that—because he’s holding her right now...”

“At ease, Ensign,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “I’m not offended.” She smiled at Chakotay. He really looked almost as content as Naomi did. “He does look like he’s a natural.”

And he did. 

He looked absolutely like he was a natural. He held Naomi until she was asleep and then he offered to carry her back to Samantha’s quarters. Kathryn walked with them, and she stood to the side while Chakotay put the baby into her crib. She couldn’t help but think that he looked, as Samantha had said, “like a natural” the whole time. He looked perfectly at ease with the baby. Though she loved babies, and though she couldn’t wait to hold her own, Kathryn worried that it wouldn’t all come that easily for her. After all, she’d been holding Naomi for some time and she hadn’t drifted off at all. Chakotay had barely taken her into his arms before she’d started to doze.

Kathryn only hoped that whatever it was that would make her a wonderful mother like she wanted to be, or even a good one like she’d settle for being, kicked in when her daughter was born. After all, she wasn’t sure that was a skill that someone could simply learn. Maybe it just had to be there. 

Once Naomi was settled in her crib and they’d spent a few moments talking to Samantha, she’d bid them goodnight and congratulated them once more on their news. Chakotay asked Kathryn if she wanted to go back to the party, but she’d talked to everyone there and, honestly, she was tired and anxious to sink into her bed. He seemed just as tired as she was, though, and just as enthusiastic about going to bed, so they headed back to their quarters.

As soon as they got back in the room, Kathryn started to work her way out of her dress.

“Chakotay,” she called, catching his attention as he made the first moves to start brushing his teeth. He hummed at her to let her know he was listening. “You were wonderful with Naomi this evening.”

He laughed to himself.

“She’s sweet,” he said. “And she was tired. She looked like she was trying to go to sleep on you when I walked up.”

“She didn’t,” Kathryn said.

“She did,” Chakotay insisted. He brushed his teeth and Kathryn stood in the doorway to the bathroom, waiting her turn. When he finished and tapped his toothbrush dry on the sink, he wiped his mouth with the hand towel and regarded Kathryn in the mirror. “Uh oh, what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kathryn said.

He narrowed his eyes at her. 

“You should listen to Samantha Wildman,” Chakotay said. “There’s very little on this ship that makes me happier than taking care of you. So why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? You were happy enough, earlier, to practically fly around the ship and that was even without the medicine the doctor gave you. What happened?” 

“What if I’m not—very good at this?” Kathryn asked. “What if I’m not a very good mother? I’ve trained to be a captain, not to be a mother.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He walked over to her and simply pulled her to him in a hug. She wrapped her arms around him.

“You’re going to be a wonderful mother because you want to be,” Chakotay said. “And that’s the important part. Everything else is just a skill. You’ll learn it as you go. Maybe you don’t know how to do something right away, but you’ll figure it out and it’ll be fine. Nobody—and I mean nobody—is going to fault you for not being perfect. But you already love our baby and everyone can see that. It’s palpable, Kathryn. That love is what’s going to make you a wonderful mother. Besides—we’re in this together and I haven’t exactly trained to be a father, either.”

“You’re a natural,” Kathryn said. “Even Sam said so.”

Chakotay laughed. Kathryn heard it rumble through his chest.

“And I’m also a man,” Chakotay said. “If I can pick up a baby without its head falling off, people are genuinely shocked and I get praised. If I’m being honest? Holding Naomi tonight terrified me just a little bit. Does that worry you?” 

Now it was Kathryn’s turn to laugh. She squeezed Chakotay.

“Honestly, it makes me feel better,” Kathryn said. “At least I know I’m not the only one that was terrified. I’m excited, but this is really something I don’t want to fail at. Even if you were nervous, you looked like a natural. You really did. I know you’re going to be a wonderful Daddy.”

Chakotay pushed her away from him enough to look at her and he kneaded her shoulder muscles in his hands. 

“And I know you’re going to be a wonderful Mama,” Chakotay assured her. “And the only thing I had to see to know it was the way you looked at her this morning.” He smiled at her. “Together, I think we’ll be able to figure it out.”

“At least we’ve got a little while to prepare before the test, right?”

“Just a little while,” Chakotay said. “Come on, Kathryn. Let’s get ready for bed. All three of us are expected on the bridge bright and early.”


	48. Chapter 48

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Two weeks into their trip through the expanse and the biggest problems they’d encountered were the plasma storms and the common need to change their course, always without straying too far from their chosen path, to keep up with the fact that space was almost constantly changing around them. 

Two weeks into their trip and Chakotay knew it was time. Whether or not Tom teased him that he had an agenda to help anyone in particular, Chakotay’s only real interest was to help his wife and his growing daughter at the moment. 

Everyone had seen it. Everyone had noticed. There had been some whispered comments and Chakotay had been approached with well-meaning concern by more than one crew member.

He hadn’t said anything to Kathryn, though, because he wanted to give her the chance to come to terms with everything and make decisions for herself. It was starting to look uncomfortable, though, and Chakotay hated to see her suffer. He’d much rather rip off the proverbial Band-Aid and get her over the hump. On top of hating to see Kathryn being almost permanently uncomfortable, he was a little concerned about his daughter. His concern was starting to show itself, too, in the fact that he was starting to have nightmares where she was being crushed, and they were starting to disturb his sleep enough that he was tired and a little cranky in general.

Chakotay carefully hung and prepared the freshly replicated uniform. Everything down to Kathryn’s undergarments would be ready for her when she got out the shower—a shower she must be enjoying because Chakotay could hear her humming. He prepared himself, though, for what was coming next when he heard the water stop.

Chakotay had showered before she’d even woken up, so he was dressed and sitting on the bed waiting when Kathryn stepped out of the bathroom in her robe, her damp hair sticking to her face in places. He gestured toward the hanging uniform.

“I got everything ready for you,” he said. “It’s time, Kathryn.”

Kathryn looked at the uniform and almost looked mournful. Chakotay didn’t fully understand her feelings over something made entirely out of cloth, but he knew there were bound to be a lot of things that he didn’t understand. It wasn’t always his job to understand. Sometimes it was simply his job to help her through things.

“I can wait a little longer,” Kathryn said.

“Kathryn—I haven’t wanted to say anything, but your uniform is too tight. You have to know it’s too tight because the crew is talking about it. Everyone knows it’s too tight and you’re the one wearing it. Your breasts barely fit in your jacket and your pants look uncomfortable.”

She glared at him. He didn’t back down. He was prepared for this to sting at least a little—for both of them. 

“You’re all talking about how fat I am behind my back?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself. He smiled at her and got off the bed. He hoped he could present things a little differently and turn them around.

“No. Not at all. You are not fat. You are pregnant and you’re beautiful,” Chakotay said. “Your breasts have to grow because she’s going to need something to eat when she’s out here and you’re going to make that for her. And your belly? Kathryn—there’s barely anything there, but what’s there is beautiful. You’re growing and that means she’s growing, just like she’s supposed to. Wearing your uniform too tight is probably just a little suffocating for her and it has to be uncomfortable for you.”

“Then I can replicate a bigger uniform,” Kathryn said.

“Or you can wear the one I replicated for you,” Chakotay said. “It’s built to be comfortable and expand with you. The elastic is in all the right places so it’ll fit you well. You’ll feel better in this uniform than you would in an ill-fitting uniform that you simply replicated to be a larger size.”

Kathryn walked over and touched the uniform. She considered it, but she didn’t move to put it on and she didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Chakotay asked. “Let me in on this so I can help you over whatever it is that’s making you look at that jacket like it’s a hostile new species?” 

“It feels a little like losing control of myself,” Kathryn said. “Admitting that I’ve lost control of myself. I’m not entirely in charge anymore. She is.”

Chakotay smiled to himself. He walked over to Kathryn and came up behind her. He dropped his hand around her and slipped it into the opening of her robe until he could rest it on the warm skin of her stomach. He kissed the side of her face, pleased that she leaned back into him.

At least he knew that she wasn’t upset with him.

“Our tiny captain is in control of some things,” Chakotay said, “but that’s how we knew it was going to be. That’s how it’s supposed to be.” 

Kathryn turned around to face him. 

“Are you still going to feel that way when—I’m huge? When even this uniform has given all it’s got to give—just like my old one?”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“If we have to replicate a bigger one, we’ll replicate a bigger one,” he said.

“And afterwards? When she’s here and I’m just fat?” Kathryn asked.

There were times when Chakotay could almost forget entirely that Kathryn was human. Sometimes she felt to him to be superhuman. She seemed like someone entirely untouchable—even by him at times. There were other times, though, that he was reminded that she was purely a woman. She was the most extraordinary woman that he’d ever known, but she was a woman. She was subject to the same worries and insecurities as any woman. Honestly, too, he loved her even more in those moments of vulnerability because they were the little moments when he most got to feel like he could take care of her. They were the times when he felt he had some strength to offer her that, other times, she simply didn’t need.

Chakotay brushed his fingers across her cheek. 

“Are you asking me, Kathryn, if I’m still going to love you when you’re the mother of our child?” Chakotay asked. 

“I know you’ll love me,” Kathryn said. “Or I believe you will. But—I’m not going to have the body that I had even a few weeks ago.” 

“Yes,” Chakotay said, “you will. It may not look exactly the same, but you’ll still be you, Kathryn. And the changes will be because you carried our daughter. You gave her life. The changes will be markers of amazing things you’ve done with this body—the only one you have. The one that I love.” 

Kathryn swallowed and nodded her head, but she didn’t look prepared to say anything just yet. She was coming around, but she wasn’t entirely convinced. 

“Can I tell you something that maybe makes me seem a little ridiculous?” Chakotay asked. 

“I’ve never thought you were ridiculous,” Kathryn said. “At least—not really.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He got a hint of a smile from her. 

“I have noticed every single change about you,” Chakotay said. “Since we first found out she was there on New Earth. I watch for them. I enjoy seeing them. Everything is a sign that things are happening just like they’re supposed to happen. She’s getting everything she needs and she’s really coming to help us start this family—the one we’ve talked about growing even more once she’s here. We’re building a family, Kathryn, even if it’s on Voyager in the middle of the Delta Quadrant. And those changes that you’re—well, that you’re maybe a little bothered by? They’re the reminders, to me, of how wonderful my life actually is.”

Now she smiled at him. She wiped at her eyes and Chakotay requested a kiss from her which she gave him. 

“I’ll wear your uniform,” she said. “But I distinctly remember that Samantha Wildman didn’t need a maternity uniform this early.”

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to guide her toward her underclothes that were laid out on the bed. 

“Start getting dressed,” he said. “I’ll bring you the uniform. Samantha Wildman is taller than you, Kathryn. Our daughter doesn’t have quite as much room to start with.” Chakotay brought the uniform over and laid it on the bed. Kathryn quickly got into her underclothes and then she immediately picked up the uniform. She scowled at it once more and Chakotay placed a quick kiss on her cheek. “Speaking of height, I’ll get your shoes.”

“I’m not wearing the shoes,” Kathryn informed him. 

“The doctor said it would be best. You’ve already been complaining that your boots are tight and uncomfortable. They’re only going to get more uncomfortable. The heels are dangerous, too, for as much as you are on your feet and for all that you do during the course of a day. Your center of gravity is going to be shifting dramatically and I know you well enough to know you don’t want to fall with our daughter and risk her getting hurt.”

“Chakotay—I’ll be two inches shorter,” Kathryn protested. 

“You’ll be exactly the height you are right now,” Chakotay said. 

“A half a foot shorter than you,” Kathryn said.

“The way I see you every night and every morning,” Chakotay said. “And every time in between when you take your boots off and whine about how much your feet hurt and how they just need a moment.”

“But the crew is not used to seeing me traipse around in bare feet,” Kathryn said. “They’re under the impression that I’m taller.”

“They’re under no such impression,” Chakotay said. “They see you going back and forth to the holodeck in those white shoes. And I’m sure they’d agree with me that you’re adorable.”

“A captain is not supposed to be adorable,” Kathryn said.

“Well, our captain is,” Chakotay said. “And everyone’s going to think so.”

“Adorable doesn’t exactly demand respect,” Kathryn said.

“Kathryn—everything about you demands respect,” Chakotay assured her. “Two inches that nobody ever really believed was there isn’t going to change that. Get dressed. You don’t want to miss breakfast.”

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Chakotay wished that he could magically wipe away Kathryn’s clear discomfort. She was absolutely stunning no matter what. He thought that, he told her that, and he meant that. 

Seeing her in the maternity uniform, which she’d eventually fill out so that it was less folds of cloth and more of Kathryn full with their child, made Chakotay’s chest actually ache as it tried to contain all the feelings that such a sight stirred up in him. 

Freed from her boots—which she’d always had made specially so that they were taller than even regular issue boots—and wearing, instead, the Starfleet issued flats that were meant to be kinder to the bodies of mothers-to-be in service, Kathryn was a good bit shorter than him as they walked down the corridor toward breakfast. Still, she was the same height as he was used to seeing her be when they were alone or when she wore her off-duty clothes back and forth to the holodeck. 

She had to get used to it, though. She had to realize that it wasn’t the clothes that made the captain—and it wasn’t.

Neelix told her she looked lovely every single morning. This morning was no different. He drew no attention to her change in uniform or her height. Instead, he simply took her breakfast order and brought her food as he normally did. The food did a little to distract her from her concern over her clothing.

It was clear that she was concerned, though, by the time they made it to the bridge. Chakotay really wanted to step in ahead of her with enough time to tell everyone that they ought to be gentle, but there wasn’t any way to do that without her knowing what he was doing. Instead he decided to trust that his comrades would have enough sense to know what they should and shouldn’t say to their captain. 

And they did.

When Kathryn walked onto the bridge, they all looked at her as they normally would, but they immediately turned back to what they were doing when she told them to be at ease. 

“What’s it look like out there?” Kathryn asked.

“We’ve got three plasma storms on the long range sensors,” Tuvok said. “However, for the moment our course will take us between them. We may not encounter any of them.”

“Any signs of a shift happening in the near future?” Kathryn asked.

“Nothing we can detect,” Tom said. “A small shift occurred last night, but it’s already been accounted for. The course is set again.” 

“Vessels or planets?” Kathryn asked.

“None that we can detect,” Harry said. “It seems like we’re out here alone.”

“Nothing but us and the plasma storms,” Tom said.

“Is it safe to continue our course?” Kathryn asked.

“We should be able to avoid the storms,” Tom said. “Personally, I don’t want to stray too far from our course for any reason if we can avoid it. Keeping on course is the only way I think we’ll make it through the expanse without risking getting lost and losing time to finding our way back to where we were.”

“I trust your judgment entirely, Lieutenant Paris,” Kathryn said. She walked over to her chair and sat down. She picked up her PADD and started looking through what were likely the reports from the night before. Chakotay watched her out of the corner of his eye. She’d been uncomfortable with the idea of coming onto the bridge in her new uniform, but now that she was there, she was back in her element and she seemed entirely relaxed.

And he was thankful for the fact that the crew recognized that they needed to act like nothing had changed since, honestly, nothing really had changed except the fact that their captain was more comfortable in the clothes that she was wearing. 

Chakotay picked up his own PADD to look through the reports as well so that they could talk about them later when they had a meeting with the senior officers. 

“I’m surprised, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn said. “I expected you might have something to say.”

“About what, Captain?” Tom asked.

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“About the new uniform that Officer Chakotay replicated for me,” Kathryn said.

“I think you look lovely, Captain,” Tom said. “But I didn’t know if I was allowed to say so with your husband nearby. I didn’t want to cause any jealousy.”

Kathryn hummed.

“B’Elanna accidentally let it slip about your little pool when we had a meal together about a week ago,” she said. 

“What pool?” Tom asked.

Kathryn ignored that question.

“Would it be fair if I were to assume that your generally jovial mood is because—today was one of your days?” Kathryn asked.

“You look lovely, Captain,” Tom said. “And let me just say that the rations are going to a good cause.”

“My baby shower gift?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay heard a noise escape her as she swallowed back her own humor, trying to keep her composure entirely. Harry wasn’t quite as good at keeping his composure and some laughter escaped him.

“Absolutely, Captain,” Tom said. 

“I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve picked out, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn teased.

“Me too, Captain,” Tom said. “Me too.”


	49. Chapter 49

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

Just as a reminder, if it’s necessary, I own nothing that comes from the show. I’m just using it for entertainment and I make changes to it to suit myself and my story. I simply borrow what I want and do away with the rest. Ha ha.

I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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“It could be the best thing for us,” Chakotay said. “We’ll know if there are planets ahead or if we’re really out here alone. We can find out, too, if there’s a faster way through here instead of spending two more weeks moving along as we are.”

“It would help if we had any idea about refueling,” B’Elanna said. “We’d know how much we need to be rationing things. We could plan ahead better with some idea of what we’re actually up against.”

“If we haven’t gotten lost without even realizing it,” Kathryn said, “then we’ve got two weeks inside the expanse. With the way the structure changes, it could be especially easy for a shuttle to get lost out there. One of our shuttles isn’t going to stand a chance against some of these plasma storms either. I think it’s a bit risky to try to cut time off of what’s a two week portion of our trip.”

If Kathryn thought that changing into a maternity uniform was going to change anything about her position, she was wrong. Only a few people had even mentioned the change and by the second day of wearing it, nobody even seemed to notice it. Being just as far in the expanse as they were out was starting to make people grow a little anxious to see the other side, and with that emotion came the concern that they weren’t going to be lucky enough to see smooth sailing all the way across the expanse. 

If they could scout the area, though, they could be better prepared for what lie ahead of them and they could be more secure in the knowledge that they would make through to the other side. If they were lucky, even, they might accidentally discover that there was a better way of doing things. There might be a better course that they could take. And, if there wasn’t, there might at least be supplies that they could count on or contact that they could make. 

“The shuttle would follow a direct flight plan,” Chakotay said. “It would be like sending out feelers. Straight out and straight back in. There’s less chance of getting lost that way. We’ve learned that the strategy works here just by using it with Voyager herself.”

“And the plasma storms, Commander?” Kathryn asked.

“We’ll do our best to go around them,” Chakotay said. “Just the same as we do with Voyager.”

Kathryn sighed.

“For the record, I don’t think it’s the greatest idea,” Kathryn said. “The almost constant shifts in the structure of the space around us concern me. However, I do agree that it would be nice to have some idea of what’s ahead of us. The shuttle shouldn’t go any farther out than two days’ worth of travel at Warp 8. That should allow us to stay somewhat within hailing range. We can’t keep a constant fix on the shuttle, but we can at least be somewhat aware of what’s happening with our away team.”

“It should be an experienced pilot that takes the shuttle,” Tom said. “You don’t want to risk something like this with someone who’s on their first solo flight.”

“That’s why I’ll take the mission,” Chakotay said. 

Tom laughed to himself.

“With all due respect, Commander, I was talking about myself,” Tom said.

“I’d rather have you here with Voyager,” Chakotay said. “And I outrank you. I’m more than capable of flying a shuttle around this expanse—especially moving in a straight line. I’ll take the shuttle. I’ll choose someone to go with me. We’ll leave first thing in the morning.”

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“Please be careful,” Kathryn said, her voice barely above a whisper. They were still alone in their quarters. Nobody could hear their goodbyes. Still, she seemed to feel the need to keep the moment quiet between them.

“I’ll be gone four days, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “Five tops. It’s a simple scouting mission.”

“Are you sure you want to take Ensign Kaplan?” Kathryn asked. “She’s a little green.”

“Everyone was a little green until they’d been given a chance to learn,” Chakotay said. “We’ve seen enough of the expanse to know that it’s safe. There probably isn’t a better place in the Delta Quadrant for Ensign Kaplan to get a little hands-on experience.”

“I want you to be careful,” Kathryn reiterated. 

“I want you to be careful, too,” Chakotay said. “Don’t think for a moment that I’m not worried about leaving you. And her.” 

He reached and patted Kathryn’s belly through the fabric of her uniform. When she was undressed, he could see a small swell to her stomach. There was a roundness there that wasn’t there before. There was a softness there, too. Beneath the abundant fabric of the maternity uniform, though, it was well-hidden.

“You know we haven’t seen anything,” Kathryn said. “There’s no reason to worry about me.”

“And yet I’ll still worry,” Chakotay said. “Because I won’t be here. I’ve told Tuvok to make sure you eat three meals a day, so don’t argue with him on that. He’ll give you a gentle reminder if you should forget. If you have any problems, I want you to go straight to sick bay. No playing at being a hero. I’ve asked B’Elanna to alter the replicator in our quarters and your ready room just for the time being. Doctor’s orders, Kathryn. No more than one cup of coffee a day and Neelix will serve that one to you in the mess hall at breakfast.”

Kathryn laughed to herself and raised her eyebrows at him. 

“Is there anything else, Mother?” Kathryn asked. 

“I haven’t left you since...” Chakotay said. 

“I know,” Kathryn said, cutting him off. “I haven’t been without you since then either.”

“If you can’t sleep,” Chakotay said, “go to the cabin. You know you sleep well there. Make sure you’re getting some rest.”

“And you watch out for plasma storms,” Kathryn said. “Avoid them the best that you can. The ones that have caught us have been bad. I’m worried that the shuttle won’t be able to withstand the storms.”

“We’ll avoid them,” Chakotay said. “And when I get back, we’ll celebrate the fact that you’re crossing the line into the second trimester while I’m gone. You just start thinking about how you want to celebrate.” 

Kathryn smiled.

“Just seeing you back here will be celebration enough,” Kathryn said. “Give me a kiss. It’s time to go.”

“You don’t have to ask me more than once,” Chakotay said. 

He kissed her and offered her one last declaration of love, knowing that they wouldn’t make a public one when he was getting on the shuttle, and he heard her declaration in return. He hadn’t been apart from her since they’d come together as a couple. Not for several days. He patted her belly affectionately and then he led her out of their quarters and toward the shuttle bay.

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“The shuttle is at Warp 8,” Tom said. “They’re starting their course to our left and forward.”

“Let’s keep them on our radar as much as possible,” Kathryn said. “Keep a line open in case they try to contact us.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tuvok said.

“If you don’t mind my asking, you’re OK with everything, Captain?” Tom asked. “Commander Chakotay out there, I mean?”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Commander Chakotay is fully capable of handling an away mission,” Kathryn said.

“I guess I was referring to leaving you while you’re...”

Tom stopped and Kathryn gave him a moment to continue, but he didn’t actually continue. Instead he made a few gestures. 

“While I’m pregnant, Lieutenant Paris?” Kathryn offered to help him. He half-heartedly nodded. “I’m capable of captaining Voyager in my current condition and Commander Chakotay is capable of taking away missions. That’s all that needs to be said about it.” Kathryn sat down in her chair. “And any odd jobs that he may have planted around this ship and around this bridge, well...you’re free to ignore his orders. I don’t need anyone reminding me to eat or—or whatever else he might have told you to do. I require no special attention when Commander Chakotay is present, and I don’t require it in his absence. You’re all off the hook. I rescind his orders.”

“You got it, Captain,” Tom said. “Nobody is under any obligation to do what Commander Chakotay might have asked them to do.”

“Precisely,” Kathryn said.

“But they’re free to do whatever they want to do of their own volition,” Tom offered with a laugh.

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Chakotay was aware of the piercing pain even if he was aware of nothing else around him except blackness. He opened his eyes to see light coming from somewhere. He was lying down. He rolled his body over, in search of the light, and found that it caused the piercing pain to grow exponentially when he moved. He shaded his eyes from the source of the light. 

“I’d lie still if I were you.”

The voice belonged to a woman. It was soft and close by, but Chakotay couldn’t see anyone. He didn’t know who the voice might belong to. He had no idea where he was.

For two days their scouting mission had gone off without a single problem. They’d marked some coordinates to bring back to Voyager and they’d located two small planets that their sensors suggested were home to various life forms. Assuming that there wasn’t a great shift in the structure of the space around them, they could report the coordinates of those planets and Voyager could investigate to see whether or not the species who lived there were friendly and, if they were, whether they were willing to share supplies and knowledge of the region. 

Near the end of their second day, however, they’d detected what appeared to be a pretty large plasma storm ahead of them. The storm covered a wide area and they’d gone a good distance out of their way to try to avoid it. By the time they’d found their way around the storm, they’d lost track of where they were and the residue from the storm was interfering with their systems. 

They’d ended up lost. Their attempts to send out a call to Voyager had been in vain. They’d followed a signal that they thought was from Voyager only to find, once they were even farther off their original course, that it was actually from some other unexplained Federation beacon. It was a distress call, though, and they were already lost, so they’d decided to answer the call to see if, in exchange for the help that they may be able to offer, whoever was on the other end might be able to help them reach Voyager. 

The planet they’d landed on was an M-class planet and numerous life forms had been detected there. Unfortunately, it seemed that some of the life forms were hostile. The last thing Chakotay remembered was being shot. 

Now he was in a dark space and, from somewhere, a woman’s voice was speaking to him. 

“You’ve got a nasty head injury,” the woman said. 

Chakotay tried to sit up, but the throbbing in his head made him think better of that plan. He tried to find the woman, searching her out. He didn’t know what to expect, but it was a human woman who stepped into the light near him. She was blonde, beautiful by many standards, and probably around Chakotay’s age. 

“You’re human,” Chakotay said. 

“My name’s Riley Frazier,” the woman replied. “What’s yours, Commander?” 

“Why did you attack us?” Chakotay asked. 

“Those weren’t my people,” Riley said. “I’m the one that sent the distress call. We rescued you when you were attacked.”

“What did you do with Kaplan?” Chakotay asked, looking around for the ensign that had been with him.

“Your ensign,” Riley said. “She didn’t make it. I’m sorry.”

Chakotay’s stomach sank. He was lost and he had no idea where he was. He didn’t know where Voyager was or if they had any way of finding him. On top of all of that, he was responsible for the death of Ensign Kaplan. She’d never have been on the away mission with him if he hadn’t insisted that she needed the practice. He’d thought he’d been doing her a favor, but really he’d been signing her death warrant.

He sat up and got off the bed as quickly as he could. He walked away from the woman and tried to do his best to ignore the pain in his skull.

“I’ve got to get back to my shuttle,” Chakotay said. “I’ve got to get back...”

“Your shuttle isn’t there anymore,” Riley said. “It was destroyed. Relax, Commander.” She brought him a cup of water. “I’m here to help you. But you need to sit down. You should rest. You’ve been seriously injured.”

“I’ve got to contact my ship,” Chakotay insisted. He accepted the cup of water, but he was a little reluctant to drink from it despite his thirst. 

“Our communications system was destroyed by the raiders who attacked you,” Riley said. “It’ll take days to fix it. You need to lie down.”

She approached Chakotay with a cloth and he backed away from her. 

“I have to get back to my ship,” he insisted again.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” Riley said. “I mean you no harm. We can help you. You have no idea how happy I was to see a Federation signal out there.”

“How did you get here?” Chakotay asked. 

“I could ask you the same question,” Riley said.

“It’s a long story and I’d feel better if you went first,” Chakotay said.

“I’ll go first, but—before I do, you need to lie down,” Riley said. She reached out to rest the cloth against his head and something burned. He closed his eyes to the sensation. 

“I’m comfortable standing,” he insisted. He tried to take the cloth from her, but she didn’t let him. 

“Very well,” she said. 

Chakotay listened as the woman told him about being attacked by aliens in the Alpha Quadrant. According to her story, she woke up from some sort of stasis on the planet where they were now located and she wasn’t alone. There were a lot of individuals from all different races, according to Riley, that occupied the planet. They were, for the most part, at war over resources and misunderstandings. 

She was as lost and as far away from home as Chakotay and his crew members were.

He instinctively felt like he could trust her. He almost felt like he had to trust her. There was something about her that almost seemed magnetic. He let her lead him back to the bed and he sat down on the edge of it, reaching his hand up to cover hers where she held the cloth against his skin. She pushed the cup of water in his other hand toward his mouth.

“You should drink some,” she said. “You’re dehydrated. You drank very little during the night.”

Chakotay did drink some of the water. It was good water and it almost tasted sweet. It wasn’t at all what he expected.

“How long have I been here?” He asked.

“Almost a day,” Riley said. “You’ve been in and out of consciousness. You should lie down.”

“I can help you with your communications system,” Chakotay said. “I have to contact my ship. I have to get back. They don’t know where I am and my wife—my captain—she’s going to be worried.”

Riley took the cup from him when he’d finished the contents of it and she put it to the side, resting it on a small table. She dabbed at his head again with the cloth and then she pressed her whole body against him, leaving Chakotay with little choice but to lie back in the bed. She leaned over him, her weight pressing down on him, and dabbed at whatever she was treating—burn or cut as it may be. 

“It doesn’t matter who’s worried,” Riley said. “The communication system is still down. It should be repaired in a couple of days. Until then, the only thing you need to be focused on is resting and getting better. Our medic examined you. You suffered serious neural trauma. You’re staying put.” Riley backed off of him, then, leaving Chakotay on the bed as she got back to her feet. He wasn’t sure what to think about her. He wasn’t sure what to think about his situation. But he was pretty sure that he wasn’t going anywhere because he had no idea how to get in contact with Voyager. Riley raised her eyebrows at Chakotay as he followed her with his eyes. “And that’s an order, Commander.”


	50. Chapter 50

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

Fifty chapters and nowhere near done, LOL. I thank you for the support so far! I hope you enjoy where we go from here! 

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“Come in,” Kathryn said.

She looked up to see B’Elanna entering the ready room. She was carrying a tray of food that she rested on the desk in front of Kathryn. 

“Chakotay got to you too?” Kathryn asked with a laugh.

“Neelix and Tuvok,” B’Elanna said. “But—I would do it for Chakotay too. You have to eat.”

“I’m much more interested in what you found than food at the moment,” Kathryn said. 

“I’m certain you can eat and listen at the same time, Captain,” B’Elanna said. 

Kathryn nodded and thanked B’Elanna for delivering a tray of food to her. She thought about telling her that she could have easily gone to get it herself, but she decided against it. It was better to simply thank her for the gesture.

“Well?” Kathryn asked. “What did you find?”

“Tuvok is finishing up his report now,” B’Elanna said. “I’ll have my official one to you in a few hours. I thought it was more important to get started working than it is to write a report. The cube appears to have been disabled around five years ago. We’re assuming it was an alien species but we can’t be sure. There are over a thousand Borg corpses on the ship and some of them are very well-preserved. The doctor is going to perform an autopsy on one of them that we brought over. I have an access node that I’m going to work with. With any luck, I’ll get it operational and I’ll have access to the cube’s data systems. Once I’ve got that working we’ll know pretty much anything we want to know about the cube and what happened to it.”

“Excellent,” Kathryn said. “Keep working on that. Don’t worry about the written report until later. Pull anyone you want to help you. We’d like some answers quickly.”

“I’ll do it as quickly as I can,” B’Elanna assured her. “That’s if I’m even able to get the access node working. But now that we’ve been over there, I think it’s safe to say that we don’t have to worry too much about the Borg right now.”

“We don’t have to worry about the Borg in that particular cube,” Kathryn said. “But we do have to worry about the Borg.”

“Not necessarily, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “If they haven’t retrieved their ship in five years, it could very well mean that they don’t intend to retrieve it.”

“They might not be after the ship,” Kathryn said. “And if that’s the case, I’d like to know why since they seldom leave their cubes to drift. But—just the presence of the ship means there are Borg in this area. We suspected it before, but this removes all doubt. Whether or not they’re coming after that ship, we’ve got to be cautious and keep our eyes open.”

“I know you well enough to know that you’ll be cautious, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “But I don’t think they’re an immediate threat.”

“I hope you’re right,” Kathryn said. “Thank you for the food. You really didn’t have to bring it to me. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not on a hunger strike. I simply hadn’t made it down to the mess hall. There’s too much going on at the moment. I’ve been going over our reports from the past few days to see if I can figure out the exact moment we might have lost track of the shuttle. We haven’t seen a shift, so if I can figure out where we lost them, we might be able to double back and find them. If we wait too long, though, and there’s a shift, we might really lose them.”

“Any luck?” B’Elanna asked.

“There was a band of plasma storms,” Kathryn said. “Just another day in the expanse, to be honest, but I’m wondering if they tried to avoid them and went too far. I think we’re going to start back in the direction of where those storms were recorded to see if we can’t get close enough to get a link with them.”

“I’m sure we’ll find them, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “I’m going to help the doctor with the Borg technology while he’s doing the autopsy and I’ll work on the access node. But if you need anything of a personal nature...”

“I’ll be fine,” Kathryn assured her. “I’ve relieved everyone of Chakotay’s assigned duties.

“I wasn’t offering out of duty, Captain,” B’Elanna said. 

Kathryn swallowed. 

They were in a difficult situation. The Borg were a species that struck fear into the hearts of everyone—Kathryn included. Now they had undeniable proof that the Borg were out there, possibly very close to them. The fact that the cube had been disabled was troubling as well, and it something they’d be bound to explore more once B’Elanna had more information. On top of that, two of their crew members were lost in an ever-changing expanse in the Delta Quadrant.

And that was just what Kathryn was dealing with on a professional level.

She had to try to push everyone away at the moment because if they were too kind to her, they might discover that their captain was human and she leaked tears on occasion. She leaked them, it seemed, with a great deal of regularity these days and any time that she was too greatly moved by any emotion from hunger to happiness to sheer rage.

She swallowed them back, though, in the face of B’Elanna’s efforts to show her kindness.

“Thank you, B’Elanna,” Kathryn said. “I appreciate that. You don’t need to worry about me. The only thing I want you to worry about is finding out some information about what happened to the Borg.”

B’Elanna nodded at her. 

“Aye, Captain,” she said before she turned and dismissed herself from the room.

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“You just seem like the kind that wouldn’t want to spend your entire life on a starship,” Riley said.

“We weren’t exactly given a choice when we were thrown into the Delta Quadrant,” Chakotay said. 

He was being contained in two rooms of a building. He was told this was to keep him safe while he healed. There were other warring people around and he wasn’t well enough to withstand another attack. Chakotay could agree that he wasn’t fit to fight, especially since there were moments when he felt he wasn’t fit to stand, but he did have a bit of concern about the fact that he hadn’t been outside of these two chosen rooms.

Still, he was inclined to trust Riley. She seemed sincere. In many ways, he could still feel the strange magnetism that he’d felt toward her the first time that he’d met her. She was kind, very attractive, and soft-spoken. She smiled nearly all the time and, almost in spite of himself, she put Chakotay at ease every time he started to become anxious about his situation. Chakotay could see why any group of people would choose her to be their ambassador of sorts. 

One of the rooms was a storage room and she’d escorted him into the room to show him the kinds of things that they grew there to help with their survival.

While he was admiring the baskets of fruits and vegetables, sampling them as they chatted, Riley went over to a small table to pour him a glass of water. He watched her and he noticed when she squeezed a plant leaf of some type over the water. She stirred the liquid that dropped from the leaf into the water and then she brought the glass to Chakotay. He took it and considered the liquid.

“What did you put in here?” He asked.

Riley smiled at him. At least she didn’t look like she was about to cover up her activity. She tugged him by the arm over to the table. She picked up the crushed leaf and then she showed him another that hadn’t been crushed.

“We’ve never found a local species that could tell us the actual name of the plant,” Riley said, “but it has medicinal properties. It’s not a miracle plant by far, but it helps with the healing process. We use it externally and internally. It’s probably not going to cure your injury, but it will help. You’ve been drinking it since you arrived and we’ve used it to treat some of your minor abrasions. It’s not poison. But if it would make you feel better...”

Riley reached and took his cup. She drank some of the water and then she offered it back to him. She smiled and shook her head. 

“If I were going to poison you, I wouldn’t poison myself,” she said. 

Chakotay drank the water. It was the same sweet water that he’d been drinking since he arrived. The extract explained the sweet taste that he’d noticed all along. Now that he was paying attention to it, he felt a change in himself almost as soon as the water hit his stomach. It had a certain anesthetic quality to it. It made him feel calm as well. He was aware, though, that his reaction to it may simply be psychological. 

“Neelix would be interested in acquiring some of your seeds,” Chakotay said. “Every time we meet a new species, he collects samples of their plant life to add to our catalogues.”

“We’d be more than happy to trade what we have for everything we’ve asked for,” Riley said. “Seeds would hardly be able to pay for help in upgrading our security, providing us with some weapons, and providing us with a few more medical supplies.”

“My captain would be happy to give you those things,” Chakotay said. “The seeds would simply be an appreciated gift from you and your people. I’m afraid I still don’t understand why you won’t simply go with us. You’re all from the Alpha Quadrant and that’s where we’re going.”

They’d been talking for part of the morning about the co-operative in which Riley lived. They were short on supplies and that had caused much of the trouble that they were seeing. Chakotay was sure that Kathryn would invite these people on board Voyager to help them return to the Alpha Quadrant. It seemed, though, that they didn’t want to leave. Riley had told him so several times.

“This planet has become our home,” Riley said. “We want to see peace here. We don’t want to abandon it. Of course, Chakotay, you could stay here...get off the starship.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He shook his head and helped himself to a small handful of the sweet berries that were in a basket near him.

“Voyager is home to me,” he said. “At least for the next sixty or seventy years.”

“Haven’t you ever thought about finding a nice M-class planet?” Riley asked. “Putting down roots and settling down? Building a home?” 

Chakotay swallowed. He nodded.

“There was a moment when I did,” Chakotay said. “I thought we were stranded on an M-class planet. Grounded. My wife and I. We started to build a life because we had to. That’s where my daughter was conceived, actually.” He laughed to himself. “Although you probably don’t want to know that and I’m not sure why I told you. Maybe it’s something in your plant—it’s make me feel like I can just say anything.”

“You can,” Riley assured him. “What happened? Why did you leave the planet?” 

“They were able to save us,” Chakotay said. “So we returned to Voyager.”

“But you liked it,” Riley said. “Living on the planet. I can see it in your face. Don’t you want to do it again? Permanently this time?”

“We’d miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime,” Chakotay said. “We’re exploring a region of space that nobody from the Alpha Quadrant has ever explored and we’re attempting to take our discoveries back. Besides, we’re trying to get home. Until we reach Earth, Voyager is our home.”

“Your wife is the captain,” Riley said. Chakotay nodded. “She made the decision for you.”

Chakotay laughed to himself despite the fact that his stomach knotted up a little at the suggestion.

“That’s the captain’s job,” Chakotay said. “They make the hard decisions for the good of everyone.”

“But it hardly seems fair for that to carry over into all aspects of one’s life,” Riley said. “It seems to me that there’s a captain and then there’s a partner. How old is your daughter?”

Chakotay’s stomach churned a little, but he swallowed back against it. He abandoned his munching of the berries, convinced that the fruit might be reacting negatively with something in his gut. 

“She isn’t born yet,” Chakotay said.

“So you don’t actually have a daughter?” Riley asked, not attempting to hide her confusion at all.

“Maybe not in your opinion,” Chakotay said. “But to me? I have a daughter. Even if my wife’s the only person to have ever held her, I have a daughter. Technically, she’s—she’s probably thirteen weeks old now. My wife was just about to cross the threshold into her second trimester when I left on my scouting mission. Our chances of something spontaneously happening to end the pregnancy have dropped dramatically this week. At least—that’s what everything I’ve read has told me.”

“And you’re happy for your daughter to spend her whole life on a starship?” Riley asked.

“Her mother is a Starfleet captain,” Chakotay said. “Her father was a Maquis. She’s almost destined to spend her life among the stars. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was born with wings.”

“So you wouldn’t consider staying?” Riley asked.

“No longer than I have to,” Chakotay said. “I need to get back to my ship. I need to get back to my crew and my family. I can help you get your communication system up and running again. Let me. I need to contact my ship.”

Riley shook her head at him.

“You’re too weak,” she said. It was something he’d heard over and over again. “If we were attacked, you’d never be able to fight off the raiders. Besides—you need to rest. I’ll let you know as soon as we’ve got the communication system up and running. Then you can talk to your captain about helping us get what we need.”

Maybe she thought that Chakotay would argue with her—which he fully intended to do—because she took him by the hand and nearly dragged him back to his bed. She pushed him toward it so that he sat down to keep her from feeling the need to practically lie on top of him to persuade him to rest. She’d done it more than once, and Chakotay had the sneaking suspicion that his wife, if she were to find out about it, wouldn’t appreciate the overly-friendly gesture of care.

Riley commanded Chakotay to stay and rest and she left him there. He listened after she left, but he didn’t hear the heavy metallic lock engage as it did every other time that she’d left. 

In her haste to leave, she’d either forgotten to lock the door or she’d started to believe that it wasn’t necessary now that she’d been working to assure Chakotay that not only was he welcome there, but they would very much like it if he were willing to join their cooperative. 

Riley was confident that Chakotay trusted her, but Chakotay couldn’t be positive—not until he’d seen a bit more of this place with his own eyes.

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AN: So I’m not overly fond of Riley in general, but that sometimes makes people good characters to play around with. I’m glad to see that most of us (at least those who have shared their reactions to her appearance in the story) feel the same way about her. I hope you enjoy what she brings to the story. 

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you think!


	51. Chapter 51

AN: I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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“Are you Borg?” Chakotay asked.

The individuals in front of him, with Riley among them, looked almost terrified of him. They looked at him like he was something dangerous and unpredictable when some of them were wearing what looked like pieces of Borg implants.

Even Riley, who he’d seen on and off throughout his time there, looked entirely different.

“You don’t understand,” Riley said.

“You’re right,” Chakotay said. “I don’t understand! I asked you a question. Are you Borg?”

“We were,” Riley said. “I can explain. Our cube got damaged in an electro-magnetic storm. Those of us that survived the surges were severed from the collective. Our memories returned. Our personalities. We started to become ourselves again. We found this planet and we’ve worked to build a civilization. We’ve worked to build our cooperative. We were Borg. Now we’re individuals.”

“Why did you lie to me?” Chakotay asked.

“We know how people feel about the Borg,” one of Riley’s companions offered. “We know what we’ve done. We know what the Borg have been responsible for doing. We were part of that, even if we’re not like that now. We knew how you’d probably feel if you knew.”

“As Borg you weren’t acting of your own free will,” Chakotay offered. 

“That still doesn’t relieve people’s concerns,” Riley said. “I saw your concern just moments ago.”

A pain surged through Chakotay’s head that was sharper than the dull pains that he’d been doing his best to ignore since he’d left his room and wandered around in search of more information about the place where he was currently residing. He growled out in pain and immediately the Romulan ex-Borg that was with Riley stepped forward and caught him by the shoulders.

“We’ve got to get you back to a protected space,” the man said. “We can explain everything about our past later, but for now you’ve got to rest.”

Chakotay might have protested, but he didn’t get the chance. Blackness wrapped around him before he had the opportunity. He was at the absolute mercy of those around him whether they be Borg or not.

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Kathryn’s position dictated that she at least pretend that she cared no more about finding Chakotay than she would have cared about finding any other crew member. No matter who was lost, she would have done anything in her power to find her people, but that didn’t mean that her heart didn’t beat a little differently when they found out that they might be on the right path.

Her plan to head toward the recorded location of the plasma storms she suspected had thrown the shuttle off course had paid off. They’d intercepted a message buoy sent from Chakotay’s shuttle. 

Kathryn’s knees had felt weak with relief when she’d heard Chakotay’s voice, even though it was simply a recording. 

They’d gotten lost—thrown off course as she suspected—during their attempts to escape the plasma storms. Unable to find their way back to their original course, they’d followed a distress call from a Federation beacon. 

Kathryn had done the only thing that was left to do and she’d ordered a scan of the entire area around them to pick up anything they could possibly detect from the Federation signal Chakotay mentioned to combadge signals. It paid off. They located a planet in the distance and there was a weak signal coming from that location. As long as there was no shift in the space around them, there was an excellent chance that they would find both their lost crew members.

“Set a course for the planet,” Kathryn commanded. “Continue scanning as we draw nearer to try to locate Commander Chakotay and Ensign Kaplan.”

There was a series of “Aye, Captains” from her bridge crew and Kathryn settled into her chair, relieved that they were at least headed in the right direction—literally and figuratively. 

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The Borg were dangerous and devious. They assimilated everyone in their path just to gain more knowledge and they linked them to their connective and stripped away their individuality.

Even though Chakotay somewhat trusted Riley, he was terrified of the idea of giving over control of himself to the Borg—whether they were still connected to the collective or not. She and her companions, though, promised him that the connection was temporary and wouldn’t last long at all—less than an hour. It would have no long term effects for Chakotay other than the fact that it would allow them to heal his brain from the injury he’d suffered.

He fought it for a while, but he could feel the strength draining out of him. He could tell that he was losing the battle. He knew they weren’t lying to him about one thing, and that was the fact that he’d soon be dead if he didn’t do something. 

Kathryn hadn’t found him yet, but he was sure that she would. It was just a matter of time before she figured out where they’d gotten lost and found the planet. Chakotay wanted to be alive when she found him. 

He wanted to live. It was as simple as that. He had a lot to live for and he wasn’t ready to accept that he was just going to die now. He couldn’t accept that he’d never see Kathryn again and he’d never have the opportunity to hold his daughter in his arms.

Riley begged him to accept their help, but it wasn’t her pleas that moved him. The only reason that Chakotay allowed himself to be linked to a Borg collective, no matter how small and how removed they were from the greater collective, was because he wasn’t ready to leave his wife and his child. If the Borg could give him the rest of his life with them, he’d allow himself to be linked for a short period of time and he’d come up with a way, somehow, to pay them back.

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Chakotay’s first thought when he woke was that the throbbing he’d come to expect had stopped. He almost felt like he was floating. He felt like he might be existing outside of his body. For just a second, he wondered if he might have died and was caught somewhere between one world and another.

The first sound he heard, though, outside of the din of his own mind was the sound of someone moving nearby.

“It appears that the link did what we wanted,” Riley said. “You’re healing. It’ll take a few more hours for the healing to finish, but you should make a full recovery.”

Chakotay remembered, then, everything that had taken place. He’d been linked to a small Borg collective. He remembered very little of the linkage between them beyond hearing their voices. Most of what he recalled came to him like dreams or visions. Some of those visions still seemed to linger in his mind, just at his periphery. 

Chakotay stared at her. He couldn’t help but smile at her. She felt like an old friend. Perhaps she felt even closer to him than that.

“I know so much about you,” he said.

“It comes from sharing a consciousness,” Riley said.

“I had all these dreams about people and places I’d never seen before,” Chakotay said. “I heard voices. I feel like I can still hear them.”

“Those are the memories and experiences of everyone you were linked with,” Riley said. “You saw into their minds and you shared your thoughts with them.”

“I saw everything,” Chakotay said. “Everything you were thinking too. I could see how you all saw me.”

Riley smiled at him.

“Then you must have caught me staring at you,” she said.

Chakotay’s stomach reacted to Riley’s words. She was attracted to him. He knew it. He knew so much about her that he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t know that. But he didn’t respond and she looked like she’d been reprimanded even without him having to say anything. 

“You like blue bonnets,” Chakotay said.

“They’re my favorite flower,” Riley said. 

“You picked them in Texas,” Chakotay said. “With a man who walked with a stick—or a cane.”

“My grandfather,” Riley said. 

“It’s amazing that they’re your memories, but they’re very real to me,” Chakotay said. “It’s as though I experienced parts of your life.”

“What we shared was a very rare experience,” Riley said. “It’s not very often that you get to connect entirely with the consciousness of another person.” 

She reached her hand up and touched her face. Chakotay felt the warm and gentle caress of skin on his cheek. He might have thought she’d reached over to touch him if she weren’t far enough away that he could be confident that she hadn’t. 

“I felt that,” Chakotay said. 

Riley moved a little closer to him on the bed. She turned her arm over and rubbed her fingers gently over the skin on the inside of her arm. Chakotay felt the light touch on his own arm and shivered.

“It’s the residual effect of the link,” Riley said. “We’re still connected. It hasn’t fully severed yet. You can feel what I feel. I can feel what you feel, too.”

Chakotay swallowed.

“How long will it last?” He asked.

“A few hours,” Riley said. “Long enough.” She leaned toward him. “You could read my mind, Chakotay. You have to know that I want to know everything about you. You have to have been able to sense that—I want to be closer to you. We have a few hours during which we could know absolutely everything about one another. We could share everything.”

Chakotay felt his heart kick up a notch. He couldn’t feel sensations of Riley’s such as her heartbeat, but there were others that he could feel. He could sense how her body was reacting to his presence. He wondered what she could sense about him. His body responded to her suggestion, whether or not he wanted it to, and he shifted around to change his position and put a little distance between himself and the ex-Borg.

He shook his head at her. 

“I know so much about you,” Chakotay said, “but you must know some things about me.”

“I know you better than anyone does,” Riley said. “Except yourself.”

“Then you know about my wife,” Chakotay said. “You know—how much I love her.”

Riley’s smile fell somewhat. She nodded her head. 

“I know that you’re expecting a daughter,” Riley said. “I know that you only just got to know that a short time ago.”

“You know that I love my wife,” Chakotay said. “More than my own life, I love her.”

Riley laughed to herself.

“Your love for her is very intense,” Riley said. “We were all able to feel it. She’s a driving force in your life.”

“She is,” Chakotay agreed. “So you have to understand that—even though whatever this is well...it’s incredible? I can’t go any farther with this. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

“What we’ve experienced, Chakotay, is on a level unlike anything you’ve shared with her,” Riley said. “It’s not even comparable. It’s far more intimate than just sharing your body. We’ve shared our minds. We’ve shared our consciousness.”

“And that’s all I can share,” Chakotay said. 

“You know I’m sorry to hear that,” Riley said. “But—I respect your decision. I respect your sense of loyalty as well.”

Chakotay felt a strange sensation running through his body. It was as though he were being pulled toward Riley. His mind offered him thoughts that felt foreign to him, but he found himself agreeing with them against his own judgment. 

“Are our minds still connected?” Chakotay asked, wondering if he was picking up some of Riley’s thoughts. 

“The link was severed,” Riley said. 

“So you can’t sense what I’m thinking? We’re not sharing thoughts at all?”

“The only residual effects are physical,” Riley said. “It has to do with the nerve endings in our bodies. Any emotions or thoughts that you’re having are yours alone, Chakotay.”

“Even if they don’t feel like my own,” Chakotay mused.

“Perhaps they are your own,” Riley said. “Absorbing so much from our connection will likely change the way you think and feel. The transfer of information brings quite a few gains to everyone involved. It’s possible that your way of thinking and feeling has simply been altered by your experience.”

“Maybe,” Chakotay said. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” Riley asked. “We’ve got time. You need to take it easy while your tissue regenerates.”

“That’s a good idea,” Chakotay said. “Taking it easy, I mean. I think I need to rest for now. Alone. But—I’ll be happy to help you with the communication system in a couple of hours if you’ll wake me.”

Riley nodded her head. She didn’t try to hide the somewhat sad expression on her features. It tugged at something in Chakotay’s chest that he didn’t imagine she’d ever be able to reach—not with the effect that she seemed to be having on him at the moment. 

“I’ll wake you,” she assured him. “And we’ll get you back to your ship.”

Chakotay was surprised, too, when the thought of the one thing that he wanted the most brought such an overwhelming sensation of sadness over him. He thanked Riley and she left him alone. He lie down on the bed and closed his eyes. In a few hours, his brain would heal from his injury. The link between him and everyone that had connected with him—Riley included—would be entirely gone in that amount of time. He’d feel no more connection to her than he felt to anyone else. That was what she’d promised him.

Chakotay closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He concentrated on bringing images to his mind that he wanted to see instead of feeling like he was being bombarded with the memories of others and with visions that he didn’t want.

Slowly, he drifted off to sleep.


	52. Chapter 52

AN: I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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“What do we know about the planet?” Kathryn asked.

“It’s M-class,” Harry said. “It appears to be heavily populated. There is a Federation signal, but it’s very faint. I can’t tell anything about where it’s coming from.”

“The shuttle?” Kathryn asked.

“There’s no sign of the shuttle,” Tuvok said. “However, the readings are picking up a combadge signal. It’s faint, Captain.”

“Just one?” Kathryn asked.

“Yes, Captain,” Tuvok said.

“Try to establish a connection,” Kathryn said. As soon as she heard the sound of the link attempt, she touched her combadge. “Commander Chakotay, do you read me? Ensign Kaplan. This is Captain Janeway. Come in. Do you read me?”

“I’m afraid that the signal is too weak to transmit the message,” Tuvok offered.

“Tom, bring us in closer to the planet,” Kathryn said. “Let’s see if we can’t get a lock on their location. If we can’t reach them, we’ll send a shuttle and an away team to look for them.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom agreed.

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Even though she was expected to be professional, and therefore she held herself back from making a scene, Kathryn did greet Chakotay with a tight hug. He returned the hug, but it was clear that he was restraining himself as well for the sake of professionalism. She barely felt his arms wrap around her before they’d dropped and he’d put distance between them again. 

There would be plenty of time for properly greeting one another and for talking about everything that had happened when all of this was taken care of.

In the meeting room, Kathryn sat and listened to what Chakotay and the woman he’d brought on board as a representative for her people—Riley—had to say. Kathryn was willing to help the woman and her people with their requests, right up until Riley hit on one desire that Kathryn couldn’t imagine fulfilling.

“You want to reactivate a Borg cube?” Kathryn asked, incredulous that such a request would be made, even by ex-Borg. “You can’t be serious.”

“I think you should hear her out, Captain,” Chakotay said.

“Very well,” Kathryn said. “But, frankly, I’m not sure there’s much that I have to hear. Reactivating a cube is dangerous on so many levels.”

“We’re not asking for help reactivating the entire cube,” Riley said. “We’re asking for help reactivating the generator.”

“That’s still dangerous,” Kathryn said. “If that generator is reactivated it could send out a signal to other Borg ships. We could be surrounded by Borg cubes in a matter of days. Maybe even hours. That puts my entire crew at risk.”

“It wouldn’t have to be active for long,” Riley said.

“We don’t know that it would take long for a signal to transmit,” Kathryn said.

“It would only be long enough for us to reestablish the link among ourselves,” Riley said. 

“And that’s a problem in itself,” Kathryn said. “How do we know that once your link is reestablished, you won’t return to acting as you’ve acted before? We’d just be putting ourselves in the midst of Borg.” 

“We aren’t Borg any longer, Captain,” Riley insisted. “We’re individuals. We want to create a society that’s peaceful and built on cooperation. Those of us that are already working together come from a number of species, Captain, and we want to draw the others in to live in peace with us. We don’t want to reestablish our connection to the collective and we don’t want to draw the Borg here. We’re just one harmonious family and we want to welcome back our family members who have forgotten that we can live together in peace.”

“I beg your pardon,” Kathryn said, “but I know a bit about the Borg. You were one harmonious family bent on the violent assimilation of innocent cultures. You took lives. I can’t very well allow that ship to be reactivated knowing that it might bring the Borg right to Voyager. I don’t want to be responsible for the assimilation of my crew. I’m sorry.”

“I think you should hear about their planet,” Chakotay said. “You should hear about their co-operative and how they’re living. If you understood...”

“I believe I understand enough, Commander,” Kathryn said, cutting him off.

She swallowed. He looked a little angry with her. She could practically feel his annoyance across the distance that the table put between them.

But she could feel something else, too. 

Kathryn didn’t miss that when they’d sat down at the table, Chakotay had chosen to sit close to Riley and across the table from her. She’d assumed he was trying to be supportive of their guest—to keep her from feeling like she was being interrogated or like they might be “ganging up” against her—but now she wasn’t so sure. 

Kathryn could tell that Chakotay had a very distinct interest in Riley, even if he seemed a little conflicted, and she certainly hadn’t missed the way that Riley kept looking at Chakotay. There was almost a tenderness in the expression of the woman when she looked at Chakotay, and there was certainly something in her tone of voice when she mentioned his name or spoke directly to him. 

Now Chakotay was irritated because Kathryn wasn’t the least bit interested in being persuaded to reactivate a Borg cube and potentially put her entire crew at risk of being assimilated. 

Kathryn felt herself calming as she gave herself a second to focus on breathing. She dropped her eyes away from Chakotay and Riley both to study her hands as they rested on the table. Then she brought her eyes back to the both of them.

There was something different about Chakotay and, even though she didn’t know what it was, it made Kathryn feel strangely sad. It tugged at something her chest. 

She looked at Riley.

“I will give you supplies,” Kathryn said. “I’ll help you upgrade your security. I’m even willing to invite people onboard Voyager if there are some who are interested in returning to the Alpha Quadrant. Reactivating a Borg cube feels like a serious threat to my crew, though, and I don’t believe that I can do that.” She sighed. Chakotay looked like he was practically as crushed by her decision as Riley was. “To be fair,” Kathryn ceded, “I’ll give it some thought. I’ll let you know my decision within an hour.”

“Thank you, Captain,” Riley said. 

She stood up and Chakotay stood with her. 

“If I may please have some time?” Kathryn asked. 

“Of course,” Riley said. She started out the door and Chakotay started after her. 

“Commander Chakotay,” Kathryn said. He stopped and let Riley leave without him. When he turned to look at her, Kathryn had a strange feeling wash over her. “Are you OK?” She asked.

“I’m fine,” Chakotay said, his tone a little cold. “Thanks to Riley and her people. They saved my life.”

“I understand that,” Kathryn said. “And I’m thankful to them for that. But I wasn’t meaning medically. At least—not entirely. You seem to have gotten very close to Riley.”

“We were linked together,” Chakotay said. “I’ve never felt closer to anyone before. We shared all of our thoughts.”

Kathryn did her best not to let the words sting. They weren’t meant to sting. Mental connection was something that was very strong—she’d felt it before with Tuvok in situations where she’d allowed him to perform mind melds with her. She never would have told Chakotay, though, that she’d been closer to Tuvok than she had been with anyone else in the world. Even if it might be true, she would know that it could possibly cause feelings that were simply unnecessary.

But Chakotay didn’t mean anything by it. It would be entirely out of character for him to say something that he knew might hurt her. 

Of course, something about Chakotay just didn’t seem quite the same. Kathryn assumed that maybe it had to do with his injury. Maybe he was simply recovering. He would need her to be patient with him, and she could do that. She could keep herself from getting her feelings hurt. And if they did get hurt, she could keep him from knowing it. 

“Do you trust her, then?” Kathryn asked.

“Absolutely,” Chakotay said. 

“In all the time you were linked you never got any feeling that she might be up to something or that there might be something more to this?” Kathryn asked.

“I think that she’s sincere, Captain, if that’s what you’re asking me,” Chakotay said. His tone was sharp. “I believe that they simply want to improve life on their planet. They want to create a harmonious place to live and grow as a people. They don’t want to use the technology for something negative.” 

“Reactivating the link would mean connecting a number of individuals, against their will, that may not want to rejoin their collective or their cooperative or whatever Riley wants to call it. That dilemma aside, activating the cube could bring other Borg to the area,” Kathryn said. “If they aren’t in the area already. It’s a huge risk to Voyager, Chakotay.”

“I understand where you’re coming from,” Chakotay said. “Perhaps if I were the captain, I would have to think about things differently. I’d have to consider every aspect a great deal more. I can only tell you that I trust her and I believe that they would use the technology for the good of their people.”

“I’m sure they would,” Kathryn said with a sigh. “But—it’s a risk that I simply can’t take. I’m sorry, Chakotay. I know that, for whatever reason, this means a lot to you, but it’s simply a risk that I can’t take. I meant what I said about supplies. We’ll give them what we can spare. We can arrange an away team to go and help with some upgrades to their systems. Any of them that want to go with us are welcome on Voyager, but I can’t help them reactivate the Borg cube.”

“I understand, Captain,” Chakotay sad. “I’ll go tell Riley your decision and organize an away team.”

Without saying anything else, Chakotay took his leave of Kathryn and left the meeting room. 

Kathryn waited a few moments after Chakotay left to leave the room herself and to begin talking to the crew about what they would do to help the ex-Borg population of the M-class planet. The Borg cube they’d found had offered more questions than answers. At the end of the day, B’Elanna hadn’t been able to get all the information off the cube because the access node wouldn’t work with their Federation technology. The autopsy of the Borg had given them very little information because it had only suggested that the Borg had been electrocuted. Whether the surge had been caused by an electrical storm like the one that Riley said had separated her ship from the collective or by something else, it was impossible to tell. 

After the events of the past few days, Kathryn was growing anxious to leave this part of space behind to continue into the quiet nothingness that the expanse had offered them before and, hopefully, would offer them again. As soon as they’d given Riley and her people what they had to offer, they’d be on their way—leaving behind the Borg cube and the ex-Borg civilization that had done nothing except threaten to disrupt everything about their lives.


	53. Chapter 53

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

Of course I’m taking some liberties and changing some things up as always.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay felt almost dizzy among other sensations. He couldn’t even begin to explain everything that was going on in his mind. He never expected to be so moved a group of people that he had no reason to feel so close to, but the time they’d spent linked had changed him. Their link had been severed, but he still felt drawn to the planet. He felt drawn to the people. It almost felt like the pull was growing stronger rather than weaker with time. 

Chakotay wanted to help them, but he had to respect Kathryn’s wishes. She was right, after all. They weren’t prepared to stand up to the Borg and, if at all possible, it would be much better to avoid them entirely. They certainly didn’t need to do anything that might draw the Borg to them.

But there was something in him that still made him want to apologize to Riley. There was something that made him wish that he could give her what he knew she wanted. 

It was that magnetism that he couldn’t quite explain. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “that we couldn’t do what you wanted.”

Riley shook her head. 

“Your captain made the decision that she had to make for her people,” Riley said. “We have to respect that. At least you got me the opportunity to speak to her. I know that I presented my case. And, at least, you understand what we’re trying to do here.”

“I feel like I’ve never understood anyone better in my life,” Chakotay said. 

Riley stepped closer to him.

“You could stay. If you wanted. You’re sure you won’t stay?” She asked.

“My life is on Voyager,” Chakotay said. “And the crew wants to go home.” 

She smiled at him. 

“I had to ask,” she said. 

“The upgrades are finished,” B’Elanna said loudly, coming up beside them. 

Chakotay jumped. He hadn’t expected B’Elanna and Neelix to be finished so quickly. Their presence surprised him. 

“It’s time to head back to Voyager,” Chakotay said to Riley. He was aware that B’Elanna and Neelix both were watching him. Rather than head for the two shuttles they’d brought with supplies, they were going to wait for him to say his farewells.

Of course, part of him felt strange to know that he even felt like he any true farewells to say.

“Thank you,” Chakotay said to Riley. “For saving my life. I’m sorry that I can never repay you for everything.”

“The supplies and technology should go a long way toward repaying a debt,” B’Elanna offered, despite the fact that she hadn’t been invited into the conversation. 

“Thank you for all you’ve done for us,” Riley said. “I wish you a safe journey back to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“We’d better get going,” B’Elanna said. “We don’t want to risk staying too long and getting caught in a structural change.”

B’Elanna, in her usual abrupt manner, walked directly between Chakotay and Riley, pushing the two of them farther apart. Neelix stopped, looked at both of them, and opened his mouth like he might say something. Instead, he just smiled and walked between them through the space that B’Elanna had made.

“Goodbye, Chakotay,” Riley said. 

“Goodbye, Riley,” Chakotay offered before he turned and followed after his crewmates. 

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“It’s probably none of my business,” B’Elanna said, “but as your friend, I’m making it my business.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Chakotay said. 

They had just taken off. They would have a little time before they reached Voyager. B’Elanna fully intended to make the best of that time.

“I saw how you were looking at her,” B’Elanna said. “I heard what you said to her. You’ve never understood anyone better?”

“I never have,” Chakotay said. “I don’t think you understand what it feels like to be entirely connected with someone. To know everything about them. To be able to see what they see through their eyes. It’s an incredible experience.”

“I’m sure it is,” B’Elanna said. “And I’d be happy to talk to you about it if you want to discuss how the experience made you feel, but I’m a little concerned that there’s more to it than that.” 

“There isn’t,” Chakotay said. “It’s just—the residual feeling leftover from the link. That’s all. I wish that we could have helped them more. The captain didn’t think that it was a good idea, though, and I’m concerned about what that means for them.”

“What that means for them is that they have to learn how to work together the same as everyone else,” B’Elanna said. “Without controlling each other or manipulating each other’s thoughts and feelings. The captain, Chakotay?” 

Chakotay looked at her. 

“What?” He asked.

B’Elanna laughed to herself and shook her head.

“I just—I can’t remember the last time I’ve heard you speak about Captain Janeway so coldly,” B’Elanna said. “Maybe I can’t even remember you speaking about her in that tone since—since our first days on Voyager.”

Chakotay sighed. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Chakotay said. “I don’t mean to. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“Well something’s going on with you,” B’Elanna said. “And you might want to think about getting it in-check before we get back to the ship. If there’s something you want to talk about or something you need to get off your chest, then let’s have it, but you’re not yourself right now. You’re not the man who left Voyager six days ago.”

“I’m fine,” Chakotay insisted. He sighed. “Maybe I’m not. To be honest, I don’t know what’s going on. I was anxious to get back to the ship but then—something kept holding me back. When we were finally boarding Voyager, I expected to feel like I was going home. Instead? I almost felt hostile while we were waiting to be beamed on board. It felt like I was expecting to be attacked. And then the captain refused to listen to anything that Riley had to say about the co-operative. I guess it just rubbed me the wrong way.”

“The captain,” B’Elanna said. “The captain. You mean our captain. Your wife. The woman who is—expecting your child.”

Chakotay nodded his head. He looked a little ashamed, as B’Elanna thought he should, but he also looked a little conflicted. He was grimacing almost like he had a serious headache or something that he was trying to keep to himself.

“You’re mad at Captain Janeway because she doesn’t want to risk throwing us into some kind of conflict with the Borg?” B’Elanna asked.

“I know it doesn’t make any sense,” Chakotay said. “I’m not sure I understand it myself. It’s like—I think and I feel one way, but I also think and feel another way that’s entirely different. Riley suggested it might be some kind of change that’s taking place in me because I was exposed to so many different attitudes and experiences and...and perspectives during the link. It really opens your mind to different ways of looking at things.”

“And one of these ways of looking at things has you sympathizing with the Borg and choosing a stranger over the woman that’s had you practically dancing around the ship for a month?” B’Elanna asked. 

“That isn’t it. And let’s just let it go,” Chakotay said. “There’s no way that you can understand it.”

“No, because I don’t have Borg connections,” B’Elanna said.

“No, because I don’t understand it myself, B’Elanna!” Chakotay snapped. “I don’t know what it is. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling. The only thing that I can do now is take this shuttle back to Voyager and hope that, with time, things go back to being exactly what they were before.”

“Maybe you should talk to the doctor,” B’Elanna said. 

“And tell him what? I don’t understand what I’m thinking? I’m feeling confused?” Chakotay asked.

“It’s a start,” B’Elanna said. “It might be something residual from your Borg link. It might be something from the head injury. Either way, there might be something he can do to make you feel more like yourself. What’s your other choice, Chakotay? Go back to the ship and suddenly resent your captain—and your wife—because you’ve...you’ve got some strange obsession with an ex-Borg?”

“It’s hardly an obsession,” Chakotay said. “It’s like a tie. I feel tied to her. Drawn to her. It’s not an obsession.” 

“But you’re not supposed to feel tied to her because you’re supposed to be tied to someone else. You’re committed to someone else. And, honestly, that used to mean something to you. So if it doesn’t now, I’m concerned about what these Borg have done to you.”

“What do you even know about relationships, B’Elanna? You’ve been avoiding Tom for weeks. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve never been committed to anything but a cause. So don’t give me a speech about commitment.”

“If you’re defending your feelings for an ex-Borg over your feelings for Janeway, then I know that something’s not right with you,” B’Elanna said.

“What was that?” Chakotay asked. “Did you hear that?”

He pressed his fingers to his temple. B’Elanna was thrown off-guard. He’d left the conversation quite abruptly.

“What?” B’Elanna asked.

“The message. Did you hear it? Did you get a transmission or something?” 

B’Elanna looked at the panel. 

“Nothing’s come through,” B’Elanna said. “I didn’t hear anything.”

“There it is again,” Chakotay said. “Did you hear that? Where’s it coming from?” 

B’Elanna felt entirely uneasy at the moment. She’d never seen Chakotay so disoriented and so moody. Even though he had a temper and he was sometimes ruled by his emotions, he was never truly wishy-washy. Right now, though, that was the only way that she could think to describe him. Since he’d returned to Voyager, everything about him had been entirely unlike Chakotay.

And now it was only getting more frightening. 

“I don’t hear anything,” B’Elanna repeated, trying to keep her voice steady.

“I guess I’m just imagining things,” Chakotay said, though he didn’t look at all convinced by his own words. 

“Now I’m definitely sure that something’s wrong,” B’Elanna said. “I think it’s going to be a good idea to get you checked out by the doctor as soon as we get back to the ship.” B’Elanna touched the button to call Voyager. As soon as the connection was made, she started to speak to her crew members. “B’Elanna to Voyager. Have the doctor ready. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but I think it’s best if Commander Chakotay reports directly to sick bay.”

“Don’t!” Chakotay barked at her, loudly. B’Elanna looked at him and broke the connection from her end. He shook his head at her. “Don’t do that!” He yelled, his voice ringing in her ears thanks to the small area of the shuttle. He drew his phaser and B’Elanna tried to stop him. She never did manage to say anything, though, before she felt the hard strike of the laser and her world went black.


	54. Chapter 54

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The transmission that came through from B’Elanna almost pleased Kathryn. It wasn’t that she wanted anything to be wrong with Chakotay, but if there was something wrong, then it would mean that there was a chance that his earlier behavior and complete lack of affection for her might have some sort of explanation beyond the grim thoughts that had snuck into her mind, toyed with her insecurities, and told her that she couldn’t even hold the interest of her husband in the face of the first unknown woman with which they’d come into contact.

Perhaps it was nothing more than selfish vanity, but Kathryn wanted to believe that the woman—Riley—had done something to draw Chakotay’s attention so entirely to her.

Before Kathryn could contemplate what may have happened or the homecoming too much, things took another abrupt turn.

“Commander Chakotay’s shuttle is changing course,” Tom said.

“Lay in a pursuit course, Lieutenant,” Kathryn said. “Let’s try to hail him.”

“He’s ignoring our hails, Captain,” Tuvok said.

“Contact Neelix’s shuttle. Let him know to alter his course,” Kathryn instructed.

“Captain, it’s the Borg cube,” Tom said. “Commander Chakotay seems to have a date with the Borg.”

“Of course he does,” Kathryn mused. “Lieutenant Tuvok—take an away team and intercept him. He’s going to try to reactivate the cube.”

Like clockwork, Tuvok took a team and Kathryn’s replacement bridge crew took the places of those who left. 

Neelix found his way to the ship and his shuttle was docked. They managed to get a lock on the shuttle that Chakotay had been piloting and they tractored it in after beaming B’Elanna aboard Voyager and directly to sick bay since her failure to respond to their hails left Kathryn to assume that she must be injured. While she waited to hear what might happen on the cube, the doctor reported that B’Elanna had been shot, but she would be fine. Her injuries were mild and treatable even if her temper and general sense of displeasure about what had taken place were not.

“The Borg cube is now active,” Tom reported. Kathryn cursed under her breath. Every second was a second closer that all of them came to meeting the semi-mechanical menaces that haunted the minds of nearly every space traveler. “They’re powering weapons, Captain.”

“Raise shields to maximum,” Kathryn commanded.

“We just got a transport,” Ensign Holden announced from her stand-in position.

“Captain, the Borg have initiated a self-destruct sequence,” Tom said.

“Get us out of here,” Kathryn responded.

Though Tom didn’t bother verbally confirming that he’d heard her, he did his best to follow her command. She rushed to find something to hold onto so that she could keep herself from being thrown to the ground when the cube exploded. The aftershock shook Voyager violently, but then it was over and the cube was gone.

“Report,” Kathryn demanded from anyone who would give it to her.

“No damage,” Ensign Holden reported. “All away crew are on board. We’re being hailed, Captain, by an unknown frequency.”

“Open a channel,” Kathryn said. 

Suddenly the sound of too many robotic sounding voices speaking at once filled the bridge. 

“We are not the Borg. We were Borg. Now we are a small collective of individuals working together as one. We have destroyed the Borg cube. We regret that we had to use Chakotay to reactivate the cube against the orders he was given. We regret that we had to hold him in our control. Our link to him has been severed now. He is free from the collective. The cube is destroyed. We will live in harmony together on our planet. We wish you a successful journey. We thank you for your assistance and offer our apologies for any suffering we may have caused.”

“The connection has ended,” Ensign Holden said. “We’ve lost them, Captain.”

“It’s for the best,” Kathryn said. She sighed. “Lieutenant Paris, are there any signs of other Borg cubes in the area?” 

“Not for the moment, Captain,” Tom said. “All I’m getting right now are clear skies.”

“Nothing is showing up on the long range sensors,” Ensign Holden offered.

“What about structural changes, Lieutenant Paris?” Kathryn asked.

“None recorded,” Tom said. “We haven’t seen one for a while, though, Captain, so I’d say we’re due for one any time and at least one or two plasma storms—even though they haven’t appeared yet.”

“Continue on our course,” Kathryn said. “Compensate for any structural changes and avoid storms whenever possible.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom responded. 

“I’m going to sick bay to check on Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Torres. Hold the bridge and call if there’s anything I should be aware of,” Kathryn said. 

“You got it, Captain,” Tom responded.

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Kes spoke to Kathryn about B’Elanna’s condition while she gave the doctor a little time, as requested, with Chakotay. B’Elanna had been shot, but she’d sustained no serious injury. She’d need at least a day of R and R, but she was already resting comfortably in her quarters. She’d be back on duty soon without any problem. Chakotay had suffered no substantial physical damage either, but the doctor was being very thorough in dealing with his mental health.

Kathryn had contacted the bridge twice—and had gotten an “all clear” both times—before the doctor finally called her to Chakotay’s side to tell her about how he was doing. 

“His neuropeptide levels are returning to normal,” the doctor said. “In a few hours they should be completely normal.”

“The link?” Kathryn asked. 

“It’s entirely severed,” the doctor said. “There’s no connection between the commander and his previous collective. I believe the high levels of neuropeptides had something to do with their ability to control and manipulate him after breaking the physical link they shared during the procedure that he described to me. There’s a possibility that they knew a way to maintain the neuropeptide level and, consequently, their connection to the commander. Of course, our understanding of any Borg technology is limited, so it’s mostly speculation on my part. There is something else I discovered however.”

“What is that, Doctor?” Kathryn asked.

“There was a plant that Mr. Neelix brought to me. He’s growing some of it in the airponics bay now. Apparently they told him that it has medicinal qualities and Commander Chakotay has confirmed that they administered him a type of medication using the extract of this plant.”

Kathryn looked at Chakotay and he nodded, but then he dropped his eyes. He was looking quite bothered and more than a little tired. 

“If it’s medicinal,” Kathryn said, “then it seems reasonable to use it for medicinal purposes.”

“It does,” the doctor confirmed. “However, I did a quick examination of the plant’s compounds and molecular structures, and I found that their claims are not entirely false, but they aren’t entirely true, either. The plant has anesthetic qualities which could be used in the treatment of certain ailments. However, those qualities come from the fact that the extract is a mind-altering substance. It would likely induce a type of intoxication that would certainly help numb the feeling of any injury, but it would also lower inhibitions and possibly change the thoughts and behaviors of someone ingesting it.”

“Thus making it easier to manipulate and control them,” Kathryn said.

“Precisely,” the doctor said. “If they’re ex-Borg that have been attempting to control each other through means outside of the collective, this would be a good starting place if they could find a way to convince others to drink it, or even if they managed to introduce it into the water supply, for instance.”

Kathryn hummed and nodded her understanding. 

She looked at Chakotay again. He sat on the biobed only inches away from her, but he wasn’t moving or speaking at all. He was simply sitting there looking a little sheepish.

Kathryn sighed. 

Part of her wanted to be upset. Part of her wanted to be angry. 

But most of her understood that Chakotay hadn’t been acting of his own free will. He’d come to their planet with a shuttle, following a distress call they sent out to lure anyone in that might be able to help them, and he’d had a good chance of bringing someone else to their planet in the form of a rescue. Riley and her other ex-Borg’s had taken advantage of that. They’d used him for what he could provide to them on the surface of their planet, no doubt, and then they’d linked with him to use him for the task of reactivating the Borg cube. Perhaps they’d hoped Kathryn would help them, but it was clear that they’d always had a backup plan. 

Maybe they’d had a number of possible plans to put into place at any moment. The Borg, even when severed from the collective, were intelligent. They had, after all, assimilated the knowledge of countless species—humans included.

“May the commander return to our quarters to rest, Doctor?” Kathryn asked. 

“He can recover anywhere he likes,” the doctor said. “There shouldn’t be any lasting effects, but I would like to scan him again tomorrow to make sure that his neuropeptide levels have returned to normal.”

“Absolutely, Doctor,” Kathryn said. “I’ll make sure he’s here myself. Thank you.”

Chakotay spoke for the first time since Kathryn had entered the room to thank the doctor as well. The doctor, as usual, looked pleased with any amount of thanks or appreciation. 

“Well, I’ll let the two of you have some privacy,” the doctor said. “Commander, you’re free to go whenever you like.”

When the doctor walked away, Kathryn looked at Chakotay. He slipped down off the biobed to take a standing position. 

“What can I say?” Chakotay asked. “I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to cover what I’m feeling right now. I disobeyed your orders. I activated a Borg cube.”

“You shot B’Elanna,” Kathryn offered. “And you did that so that you could take the shuttle.”

Chakotay nodded mournfully.

“She’s fine,” Kathryn said. “You need to go and talk to her, but she won’t suffer any long term effects.”

“The doctor told me,” Chakotay said. “Of all of it, though, I think what’s really eating at me is...I think I hurt you.”

Kathryn swallowed. 

She had been hurt.

She hadn’t been hurt by Chakotay’s disobedience of her orders. In fact, it was his direct disobedience as a member of her crew that had let her know that he absolutely was not in control of himself. She’d been hurt by his seeming closeness to Riley. She’d been hurt by his almost dismissive attitude when he’d come back aboard the ship. She’d been hurt by the feeling, honestly, that he wasn’t even happy to see her and, in fact, was entirely displeased to see her. 

His disobedience angered her as a captain, but it let her know that things were out of Chakotay’s control. It was his professional disobedience that let the woman in her know that she could let go of some of the feelings his personal actions had caused. 

“From what I understand, Chakotay, you weren’t acting of your own free will,” Kathryn said. “From the time they established the link with you—and perhaps even before thanks to their little mind-altering potion—you weren’t acting of your own accord.”

“Does that just erase it all?” Chakotay asked. “Because—it doesn’t really feel like it does to me.”

Kathryn considered his words. She nodded her understanding of his concern and reached her hand out, resting it on his back, so that she could lead him out of sick bay. At the moment, he looked like he was in need of a little physical support and guidance. 

“Come on,” Kathryn said softly. “We’ll discuss it in our quarters. In private.”


	55. Chapter 55

AN: So of course the full resolution doesn’t come in one chapter, but we get started here.

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“What do you want, Chakotay?” Kathryn asked. “Do you want me to yell at you? Throw you out of our quarters? Stop speaking to you? You were acting under the influence of their control. You weren’t acting of your own free will.”

“It feels like there needs to be more than just—you were naïve and fell victim to the Borg so we’ll look the other way on everything,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn sighed.

“I understand that, because you feel guilty, you want to be punished,” Kathryn said. “But you’re not guilty so I don’t want to punish you.” 

“You didn’t trust them,” Chakotay said.

“They were Borg,” Kathryn said. “I didn’t know if I should trust them or not. Disconnected Borg are a pretty new phenomenon for me.”

“I trusted them,” Chakotay said. “I trusted them when they said they could save my life.”

“Anyone would have done the same and I’m glad you did,” Kathryn said. “Otherwise I would have lost you.”

“I trusted them when they said that was as far as the connection went,” Chakotay said. “And that they’d remove it as soon as I was healed.”

“What choice did you have but to believe them?” Kathryn asked. 

“We’re all in danger now,” Chakotay said.

“Perhaps that danger is heightened, and perhaps we’re more aware of it now, but it was always there—lurking.”

“I had thoughts that—that I’m not proud of, Kathryn,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn smiled to herself. She crossed the distance between them and touched Chakotay’s cheek. He caught her wrist and held it, delicately rubbing his fingers over the soft skin there.

“It just makes me happy to hear you call me Kathryn again,” she said. She shook her head at him. “I can see you’re hurting. You’re doing a better job of punishing yourself than anyone else ever could. But you have to let it go because I need you here. On my side. Not living in regret. You saw people who seemed sincere and needed help. You trusted them. You wanted to believe the best of them and you wanted to help them. That’s just who you are. It’s not your fault that they took advantage of you.”

“That’s my captain speaking about how I did my job,” Chakotay said. “But how’s my wife going to feel when I tell her that I had thoughts that didn’t belong in our marriage? I felt so close to Riley. It felt incredible to connect with every single thought, memory, emotion, and sensation that someone had.” 

“I’m sure it did,” Kathryn said. “I’m sure it made you feel like you’ve never felt before. So I have to ask—did you share anything else? I have to know, Chakotay. Were you intimate in any other way?” 

“No,” Chakotay said. “No. No. I promise you, Kathryn. She wanted to, but...”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“Of course she did,” Kathryn said. “If she knew you that well, how could she not want to be with you, in every way possible, forever? And with mind control, she was set to manipulate your thoughts and feelings to get what she wanted.”

“Do you believe that nothing I thought and felt was real?” Chakotay asked. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“I believe some of it was real,” Kathryn responded. “But what held you back, Chakotay? Was it just obligation?” 

Chakotay shook his head. 

“It wasn’t obligation,” Chakotay said. “I never stopped loving you. It wasn’t like that.”

“She just did her best to get you to push me away,” Kathryn said. “To push your thoughts of me to the back of your mind somewhere. To make you think that—that what you shared with her was more important.”

“It was just so intense,” Chakotay said. “Riley told me that it was—well, I guess it was a unique experience. It was so intimate.”

“I know,” Kathryn said. “The difference is that, whatever we share, Chakotay? We choose to share it. We make a choice to connect with each other. You choose to tell me everything that you want me to know. I choose to tell you about myself. If you ask me, that’s more intimate than simply taking everything out of your mind by force and giving you everything I have in my mind in exchange. Maybe we don’t share quite as many details, but we share what we do because that’s what we want. We want to share our lives together.”

“You’re saying it’s an active choice,” Chakotay said. Kathryn hummed. “When I thought I was dying, before we made the link, all I could think about was you. And her—our daughter. I was thinking about dying and I was thinking that—I couldn’t bear to not see your face again. I couldn’t bear knowing that I’d never see her. I’d never hold her in my arms and know she was here and well. I didn’t want you to do it all without me.”

“I love you, too,” Kathryn said softly. “And I know that’s what all that means. It means you love me. And you love her. I love you, too, Chakotay. And our daughter does too. I’m sure of it. Although—she probably wonders why her daddy never said hello to her and why he hasn’t congratulated her on making it to thirteen weeks.”

Chakotay frowned and pressed his hand to Kathryn’s stomach. She was accustomed to the gesture now. He did it with a great deal of regularity even though there was really nothing there that hadn’t been there before except a little proof of the extra food she took in when someone pushed it in her direction. The simple touch was one of Chakotay’s ways of feeling bonded to their daughter, and Kathryn wouldn’t deny him that. Besides, she enjoyed the tenderness of all of his touches.

“I didn’t even think to say hello,” Chakotay said. “It was like—everything was pushed away from my mind except for Riley and her people.”

“That was the mind control,” Kathryn said.

“I even thought about not coming back,” Chakotay said. “Before the link I couldn’t imagine even dying and being without you. And then here at the end, I was thinking about not even coming back to Voyager. I thought about—telling B’Elanna to go back with Neelix. Making an excuse to stay behind a little. Taking the shuttle to activate the cube and then returning to the planet. These were all thoughts, Kathryn, which very sincerely moved through my mind.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath. Chakotay straightened up and looked at her. The pain on his features was enough to make it difficult for her to swallow.

“That was Riley,” Kathryn said. “That was Riley’s plan to get what she wanted. You’d activate the cube and return to the planet and, more than likely, she’d make you part of their collective. But you didn’t want that—and she let you go. And for that? I’m thankful to her.”

Chakotay frowned. 

Even if she wanted to have negative feelings about what had happened, there simply wasn’t room for them. Chakotay’s hurt and anger with himself and the situation took up all the space in the room. 

“Just answer one question for me,” Kathryn said. “We’re due for a structural shift in space any day now. When that shift takes place, it will be nearly impossible for us to find that planet again. Does that make you regret your choice to come back here? Does it make you want to go back?”

“You know it doesn’t,” Chakotay said.

“I don’t know that,” Kathryn said. “That’s why I asked it. But if it really doesn’t make you want to turn back, then the whole thing was a creation of Borg mind control. If you’re not having second thoughts, then it wasn’t real to begin with. You feel connected to her because you were actually connected to her. Literally. But that’s all. The rest was a trick, Chakotay. It was something to convince you to reactivate the Borg cube and to stay behind.”

“But why?” Chakotay asked.

“They needed the cube reactivated and you had a shuttle that you could successfully fly,” Kathryn said. “As for staying—Chakotay, I don’t know if you know this, but you’re a very handsome man and you have...you really have so many wonderful qualities. We’d be here all night and most of tomorrow if I were to start trying to list them all. It’s only natural that Riley would want you to stay. She’d want you for a companion. A mate. I suppose—really, I know very little about the Borg.”

Chakotay touched Kathryn’s cheek and she closed her eyes to the feeling of his fingers brushing against her skin. He brushed his lips lightly across hers, but they were gone before she could move her own lips to try to deepen the kiss. She opened her eyes to him. 

“The expression on your face is breaking my heart, Chakotay,” Kathryn informed him.

“I feel like mine’s already broken, to be honest,” Chakotay said. “I feel like—I shouldn’t have permission to kiss you.”

“And I feel like there’s very little that I want more than for you to kiss me,” Kathryn said. “I want you to really kiss me, Chakotay.”

Chakotay did what she asked. He returned to kiss her and this time he did so with his usual passion, and perhaps a bit more. He kissed her like he’d been starving for her for all the days that he’d been gone. He kissed her like he was trying to take the breath out of her chest. His arms went around her and he pulled her close to him, very nearly taking her off her feet. 

Kathryn was panting, searching for her breath, when Chakotay pulled away from her. He was clearly struggling to find his breath as well.

“That’s the only way you’re allowed to kiss me from now on,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “And that’s an order. From your wife.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself in response. It was the first smile that Kathryn had seen from him and it made her chest tighten and her throat ache. 

Immediately, Chakotay wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her to him once more. With the same hunger as before, he sought her lips again and she granted him another kiss. This time, as he tried to pull away, she playfully nipped him, catching his bottom lip between her teeth. His smile was broader that time. It fell only a moment later. The line returned between his eyebrows.

“I’m angry at myself,” Chakotay said, “for feeling what I felt and for thinking what I thought. Manipulation or not, it makes me angry that someone was able to do that to me. It makes me angry that I gave into the manipulation.”

Kathryn nodded.

“I understand,” Kathryn said. “But—it happened and it’s done.”

“And you were never hurt at all?” Chakotay asked. 

“You know I was,” Kathryn said. “But it doesn’t do either of us any good to dwell on it. I worried that I might have lost you. I worried that—this beautiful woman or Borg or whatever she was might take my husband away. I’m a human being, Chakotay. Entirely a woman. Not Borg at all. I might keep them under control, but even I have insecurities. Of course it’s going to hurt my feelings to think that something like that might happen.”

“But you knew that it was some kind of mind control?” Chakotay asked.

“Not in the beginning,” Kathryn admitted. “I had my moments when you first left with Riley. After I made my decision. I fell victim to my insecurities. We met on a starship where you were forced into seeing me day in and day out. We married on a planet where we thought we were going to be the only two people left. Our daughter was conceived in that world where there was nobody but the two of us. It’s only natural to think that it’s possible that you married me—or even fell in love with me—as a case of the last two people left. It’s possible, then, that you might find some woman somewhere that you realize you actually love more.”

“Kathryn...” Chakotay started. Kathryn held up her hand to stop him.

“But I thought about it after you left,” Kathryn said. “And I thought that, even if you found someone else that you loved more, you would always be there for her. You’d always love her.” Kathryn rubbed her hand over her belly and Chakotay replaced her hand with his own. “I thought about the fact that we were alone after Riley left the room and you didn’t—do this. You didn’t touch me. You didn’t even ask how she was. I knew something wasn’t right.” 

“I didn’t love you because you were the only woman on the planet,” Chakotay said. “I loved you before that—and it wasn’t just because I see you every day. I love you for so many more reasons than that, Kathryn. Those were just our circumstances, not the reasons I love you.”

“I know that,” Kathryn said softly. “But sometimes my feelings don’t.”

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to nod his understanding. 

“B’Elanna—before I shot her, and before I started actively hearing the voices of the collective again—she was defending you. She was scolding me for the way that I was acting. For things that I was doing and saying. Things I felt were wrong, but I couldn’t avoid them. Things I know were wrong now. She was defending you against me.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Women have to stick together,” Kathryn said. “And you need to go and speak to B’Elanna. Apologize. She’ll forgive you, but you need to make everything right. She’s your friend, Chakotay, first and foremost. You owe her an apology and some time.”

“I wanted to spend some time with you,” Chakotay said.

“And you will,” Kathryn said. “But my shift isn’t over on the bridge and you’re under doctor’s orders to rest. So go talk to B’Elanna and I’ll see you back here after my shift.”

“Dinner,” Chakotay said. “Let’s go to dinner? Even if I know that everyone’s going to have questions about the whole situation.”

“You’ll answer what you feel like answering,” Kathryn said. “And dinner sounds wonderful.”

“I’ll pick you up at the bridge,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“I could meet you back here,” Kathryn said. 

“Then I’d miss the opportunity to walk with you all the way from the bridge,” Chakotay said. 

“OK,” Kathryn agreed. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“You send me back to work with another one of those kisses—and you work on not looking quite so sad,” Kathryn said.

“That’s two conditions,” Chakotay pointed out.

“If you want to sacrifice the kiss, that’s up to you,” Kathryn said, shrugging her shoulders.

Chakotay pulled her to him and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’ve got a lot to make up to you,” Chakotay said. “I might as well start by letting you have two conditions.”


	56. Chapter 56

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay entered B’Elanna’s quarters at her beckoning. She was lying on her bed, though she wasn’t really in bed, and she looked surprised to see him there. He was surprised, too, to find Tom there in her quarters. 

“Tom,” Chakotay said.

“Chakotay,” Tom said. He didn’t try to pretend that he wasn’t practically burning holes through Chakotay with his eyes. 

“I thought you were on the bridge,” Chakotay said. 

“It’s all calm for a while,” Tom said. “So I thought I’d pay B’Elanna a visit since she got shot.”

“I came to apologize for that,” Chakotay said. “I was only planning on apologizing to B’Elanna, but if I need to apologize to you, too...”

“Have you apologized to the captain as well?” Tom asked. “For everything you’ve done to her? B’Elanna was just filling me in on some of the details of how you were acting with your Borg companion.”

Chakotay groaned and pressed his fingers to his temples. He had a headache. Even though he was healed and his connection with the Borg was broken, they were still causing him pain.

They wanted the crew to be a family. They wanted them all to be close and to look out for one another. That was what was happening. It was clear that they were becoming a family and, fortunately or unfortunately, one thing that families did was take sides in arguments. 

Right now, Tom was choosing his sides in this and Chakotay was the enemy. Of course, taking the side that he did meant that Tom was choosing Kathryn and it meant that he was feeling close enough to her to want to protect her, no matter who it was that he thought was threatening her. Having a crew that wanted to protect her and care for her was a good thing. 

Letting Kathryn be part of the family was a good thing. It was what they wanted. It was, especially, what Chakotay wanted. Chakotay reminded himself of that with a sigh.

“I apologized to the captain—and our baby, if you’re concerned about her feelings too—and both of them have been restored to duty on the bridge,” Chakotay said. “B’Elanna—I apologize for what happened on the shuttle. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to hurt Kathryn. I never meant to hurt anyone. And Tom? If I’ve offended you in some way, then you have my apology too. Because I never meant for anyone to get hurt.”

“Tom?” B’Elanna asked, getting Tom’s attention. “Could we have a minute?” 

Tom looked at Chakotay and then back at B’Elanna. He nodded at her.

“I’ve got to finish my shift,” he said. “But if you’d like me to wait.”

“I’ll be fine,” B’Elanna assured him.

“If B’Elanna’s feeling up to it,” Chakotay offered, “I could walk her to the bridge later to pick you up for dinner. I’ll be headed that way anyway. I have a dinner date with the captain.”

“You should rest,” Tom said to B’Elanna, ignoring Chakotay entirely.

“I’ll be fine for dinner,” B’Elanna said. She gave him a smile. Chakotay couldn’t help but smile to himself in response, though he very quickly hid his own expression. 

Tom left after giving Chakotay something like a warning look that came without any verbal response.

“I’m sorry,” Chakotay said. “I guess the whole crew is mad at me. But I am sorry.”

“You activated a Borg cube,” B’Elanna said. “Everyone’s feeling a bit apprehensive. We don’t know enough about Borg technology to know if it’s not a big deal or if we should expect an entire Borg armada to descend upon us at any minute.”

“I think you and I both know that Tom is far less concerned with the Borg cube than he is with your well-being,” Chakotay said.

B’Elanna sat up and rearranged herself. She patted the bed as an invitation. Chakotay stood for a moment and stared at her.

“I’ve been accused of being quite horrible to my wife in the past few days,” Chakotay said. “I’m not sure she’d appreciate my climbing into bed with another woman.”

B’Elanna laughed and patted the bed again. 

“Then sit on the edge,” B’Elanna said. “You’ve been through a lot too. You should sit. Rest a little.”

“Does this mean you’re not angry with me?” Chakotay asked.

“What did Janeway say?” B’Elanna asked. “She forgives you?” 

“You can ask her yourself when we go to dinner,” Chakotay said. “But—she forgives me. Apparently it wasn’t my fault. Apparently it was all Borg mind control and substances. I don’t really think it’s an appropriate excuse for everything I thought and did, but she says that I can’t be punished for something that I didn’t do of my own free will.”

“And are you Chakotay now?” B’Elanna asked.

“The link’s been broken,” Chakotay said. “Apparently I’m free from the Borg. Now I’m just here and feeling incredibly guilty about what happened.”

“Don’t feel guilty. It’s not constructive. Janeway’s right. You couldn’t help what you were forced to do under Borg control. It could have been any of us. But—don’t ever shoot me again, Borg control or not,” B’Elanna said.

Chakotay laughed at her and nodded.

“I promise,” he said. “If a Borg ever tries to convince me to shoot you to get you out of my way, I’ll tell them that we have to come up with an alternate plan. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” B’Elanna said. “Your phaser was set on stun and the doctor regenerated all the skin that was burned. I’ll be back in engineering tomorrow. All jokes aside—how are you and the captain?”

Chakotay raised his eyebrows at B’Elanna and then he reached a hand over to pat her hand. 

“You’re very concerned about my relationship,” Chakotay said. “That’s a little unlike you. You never really cared that much before about my relationships.”

“Before you were with Seska,” B’Elanna said. “And I didn’t think it was my place to tell you about your bad decisions.”

“Kathryn is a Starfleet officer,” Chakotay said. “There are plenty of reasons for you not to approve.”

“I’ve made my peace with it,” B’Elanna said. “Besides—I see how much you love her, Chakotay. I see how much she loves you. I don’t want to see you mess this up.”

“I’m glad I have you on my side,” Chakotay said. “Or is it her side you’re on?” 

“It’s whichever side makes it work,” B’Elanna said.

“She’s fine,” Chakotay said. “To be honest, she’s taking it better than I am. We’re going to dinner and I’m sure we’ll have some more time to talk about it tonight, but it’s nothing that isn’t already mostly healed—like your wounds.”

A soft smile played at B’Elanna’s lips.

“Just to let you know—I took her food a couple of times while you were gone,” B’Elanna said. “We all did. I think today’s probably been the only day that she hasn’t eaten since you left.”

“Everyone did what I asked them to?” Chakotay asked.

“Everyone did what was best,” B’Elanna said. “You’re going to be a father. That’s a pretty big thing. Maybe we’re all a little excited about the first baby, as Tom calls her.”

Chakotay smiled. He hummed at B’Elanna.

“What about Tom?” Chakotay asked. 

“What about Tom?” B’Elanna asked. Chakotay could practically feel her tense up from two feet away from him. 

“You’re injured and he’s here right away,” Chakotay said. He shrugged his shoulders. “He’s having dinner with you.”

“He’s a friend,” B’Elanna said. “You’re here. We’re all having dinner together.”

“You’re sure there’s nothing more than that?” Chakotay asked.

“He’s a friend,” B’Elanna repeated, a little bit of warning to her tone. She was in good spirits, likely owing to something that the doctor had given her, but she wouldn’t be if he pushed her too much. B’Elanna liked to arrive at everything at her own decided upon speed. Relationships and discussing her relationships, more than likely, wouldn’t be any different.

“He’s a friend,” Chakotay said. “A very good friend. But just a friend.”

“Chakotay,” B’Elanna warned.

“I won’t say another word,” Chakotay assured her. “Not until you’re ready to talk about it.”

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Kathryn had walked with her arm looped through Chakotay’s as they’d walked to the mess hall with B’Elanna and Tom close behind them. B’Elanna and Tom were also off duty and could have shown some affection toward one another if they’d been moved to do so, but it seemed that they weren’t feeling so inclined. 

Once they’d gotten to the mess hall, they’d all taken a table together and Neelix had quickly served them, chiding Kathryn for having skipped lunch and having eaten only just enough to survive for breakfast. When her food came, though, it was clear that her appetite had returned from whence it had gone and she was more than willing to try to make up for any necessary calories that she might have missed.

“Are you speaking to me, Tom?” Chakotay asked, working his way through his portion of the casserole that they’d been served. “Or am I required to do a few more days’ duty of groveling first?” 

“Tom—are you not speaking to Chakotay?” Kathryn asked. 

Tom cleared his throat. He looked at Chakotay and then at Kathryn. 

“I’m speaking to him if there’s anything to say,” Tom said. “I admit that I haven’t been pleased about everything that’s happened today and everything that I might imagine has happened over the past few days.”

“The way I see it,” Kathryn said, “is that the only thing that you, personally, have any reason to feel upset about is the reactivation of the Borg cube. As I said in my announcement to the ship, none of us know if that’s going to affect us in any way. It’s likely that we won’t know, either. Not directly, at least. At any rate, it was not Commander Chakotay—our crew member—who reactivated the cube. It was a version of Chakotay that was linked to and controlled by the Borg. A species so powerful and so dangerous that we’re already putting into place protocols, extra security, and training to try to prepare for an encounter with them. If any one of us had been in his place, it’s likely that we’d have been taken under the control of the Borg and we would have been forced to do the same thing. Therefore, Lieutenant Paris, you cannot hold his actions against him since they might have just as easily been your actions.”

Tom laughed to himself.

“That sounds like an order, Captain,” Tom said.

“Take it as what you will,” Kathryn said. “The point is that we decided to have a nice dinner together. We didn’t come here for negativity. Besides—I’ve learned that I enjoy digesting my food much more these days when I’m in good spirits and the atmosphere is pleasant. I’m not going to allow you to ruin my dinner.” 

“Aye, Captain,” Tom said with a laugh. “You ought to try the pie that Neelix made for dessert. I tried it at lunch and I’m sure there’s got to be some left. It’s pretty good.”

Kathryn smiled, clearly pleased with the change of mood at the table—and perhaps with the thought of pie.

“What flavor is it?” Kathryn asked.

“We’ll just call it blackberry,” Tom said. 

“Leola root?” Kathryn asked.

Now it was Tom’s turn to smile and look quite satisfied. 

“Thanks to the first baby’s culinary critiques of everything, Leola root is entirely off the menu for now,” Tom said. “We’re all free to eat without question or concern.”

“Or at least with limited question or concern,” B’Elanna offered with a smile.

“We’ll ask for pie,” Kathryn said. “And then, Tom? How would you feel about a friendly game or two of pool on the holodeck? I think we could all use a little stress relief before turning in.” 

“I don’t have anything to wager,” Tom said. “I’ve got to save my rations up, apparently, because I’m still trying to come up with a pretty impressive baby shower gift.”

“For anyone we know?” Kathryn teased.

Tom laughed.

“No,” he said. “But the kid’s pretty important so it’s gotta be something good.”

“I’m sure we can come up with something,” Kathryn assured him. “And tonight we don’t have to play for winnings. We can just play for fun. Who knows, I might even let you win.”

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AN: I know the question that I’m about to ask is really random, but I’m trying to figure it out just for my knowledge/future knowledge. 

I’m assuming their pants zip like it appears that everything else on their uniform does. Where do they zip, though? Is it the front or the back? I know the maternity uniform would likely be elastic/have an elastic panel, but I’m wondering about the regular uniforms. Any ideas?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you think about the chapter/story and let me know if you have any insight into the pants!


	57. Chapter 57

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

Thank you all for the uniform help. It seems like there’s no absolute certainty anywhere, but at least I know that it won’t be such a disruptive moment for anyone if I should choose the wrong location. LOL 

I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! 

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Back in their quarters, Kathryn went straight for the bathroom. She’d gone twice at Chez Sandrine, but then she’d refused to go again, even though she’d expressed to Chakotay her desire to do so, because she didn’t want to get some kind of reputation for being the one who constantly put the “fun” on hold for yet another bathroom break.

Chakotay didn’t have the heart to tell her that it would only get worse in the coming months if she didn’t know it already.

They had all had a good time. Kathryn had, essentially, given the command they were having fun together in their off hours and that, therefore, everyone was to remember that she wanted to be part of the fun too. Even though she was still the captain, she wanted the opportunity to relax and be involved. Her request had been granted by everyone. Everyone relaxed and let their guards drop. It was something they all needed—even Kathryn. 

“Chakotay,” Kathryn called from the bathroom. The sound of water told him that she was ready to begin her nightly routine to get ready for bed. She was already brushing her teeth.

“Something wrong?” Chakotay called, taking his boots off. When Kathryn didn’t reply, he walked to the bathroom. She’d gone directly from brushing her teeth to washing her face and she either hadn’t heard him or she’d decided to ignore his question. “Something wrong?” He asked once more. She was rinsing soap off her face and she didn’t respond to him until she was patting her face dry with a towel.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Kathryn assured him. “I just wanted to know if I should bother putting on my nightgown or not.”

“I’d say that’s up to you,” Chakotay said, stepping around her so that he could start his own nightly routine. “Are you really that ready to forgive me?”

Kathryn tipped her head to the side and genuinely seemed to consider Chakotay’s question.

“I’m going to tell you once more, and then it won’t be true if you ask me that again, but I’ve got nothing to forgive you for. You didn’t do anything. But—I did spend a week without my husband. I have been feeling a little stressed and I’m ready to relax. Do I need my nightgown? It’s your call.”

Chakotay shook his head at her. 

“Leave it,” he said. 

She smiled at him. 

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say,” Kathryn said, leaving the bathroom so that he could finish with his own routine. “Don’t take too long.”

Chakotay gave Kathryn a little time. Even though she’d told him not to take too long, he knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t really ready for bed. She’d have to undress. She’d take her hair down. She’d brush it for a few moments while she wandered around the quarters doing some odd activity or another. Only then would she actually be ready for bed.

Chakotay brushed his teeth and washed his face. He was tired. He was exhausted, really, but he had enough energy to be with Kathryn because there was very little that he wanted more than the intimacy that he knew it would bring. 

She was going to forgive him for something for which he wasn’t sure he forgave himself yet. And he knew that they needed to be close to one another. He needed to be as close to her as was humanly possible. He felt like they needed to connect, physically, as entirely as they could. 

When Chakotay came out of the bathroom, Kathryn was already in bed with the blankets tucked tight up under her arms. She was waiting on him and she smiled at him when he walked around to his side of the bed. 

“You took long enough,” she teased.

“I was giving you time to change your mind,” Chakotay said.

“I haven’t changed mine,” Kathryn said. “Have you?”

“As long as I’m in control of it,” Chakotay said, “I’ll never change my mind about you.”

Chakotay undressed and Kathryn watched him nonchalantly. She watched him pull the cover back and slip into bed. It was only once he was settled under the cover that she rolled over and came to join him. She rested against him and kissed his neck, letting her tongue and teeth harass the skin there. 

“I missed you,” she whispered.

Chakotay felt her words jolt through his body like lightning. He shivered and Kathryn laughed quietly as she worked her way down, leaving a wet trail from his neck to his chest. She teased his nipple and another shiver ran through him. 

Kathryn looked at him and smiled before she reached her hand down to tease him. She stroked him. 

“It looks like you missed me too,” Kathryn said. She raised her eyebrows at him. “Unless—it wasn’t me you were thinking about.”

Chakotay caught her chin with his hand. He shook his head at her. 

“Don’t,” he said. There were very few other words that he felt he could get out at the moment, but she understood what he was trying to say without requiring extensive vocabulary. 

“I’m sorry,” she said sincerely. She lowered her head and kissed his chest again. “I’m sorry,” she repeated once more, working her way down his body with the same wet kisses she’d lavished on his chest. 

Chakotay closed his eyes when Kathryn took him into her mouth. She was good at what she did, and that applied to pretty much every activity she ever put her mind to doing, but Chakotay still gathered up his strength to reach down and stop her. 

She looked at him with her brows furrowed as she wiped at her lips with her fingertips. 

“Was I reading you wrong?” Kathryn asked, abandoning her attempts to pleasure him. “I thought—you certainly seemed interested.”

“No,” Chakotay said. “I mean—yes, I’m interested. It’s not that I’m not. It’s that—I really wanted us to be together.”

Kathryn smiled.

“I thought that’s what we were doing,” she said. 

“I mean that I wanted to make love to you,” Chakotay said. He pulled at her arm and she came willingly toward him. He leaned up to kiss her when she didn’t immediately offer him a kiss and she playfully bit his lip. “I want to be inside you,” Chakotay said when she released him. “I’ve missed you, too.”

Kathryn didn’t respond in any other way than to change her position once more. This time, she took her position over him, guided him inside of her, and slid down the length of him without letting her eyes leave him even for a moment. He held her eyes in response. 

“Better?” She asked.

“Perfect,” Chakotay responded as she started to moved, her hands resting on his chest for the moment. 

“I’m in charge,” she said with a half-smile.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Chakotay said, slipping his hands around so that he could offer her some support if she might tire and find that she needed it.

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With just the tip of his finger, Chakotay brushed the hair back that had fallen across Kathryn’s face. Most nights she would tie her hair back in a quick and messy braid to keep it from tangling too dramatically before morning, but they’d spent more time than they’d intended making love and she’d fallen asleep in his arms almost immediately after her last orgasm.

Chakotay wasn’t even sure that she’d noticed him cleaning her up or tucking her properly into bed.

He’d fully intended to sleep as well, but he simply hadn’t managed to stay asleep. Every time he’d started to drift off, he’d had a nightmare about Riley and her collective. He’d started to dream that they were still controlling him and they’d chosen some mission for him that was ridiculous or impossible. He knew that they were just dreams—and they weren’t even entire dreams since he quickly woke himself from each of them—but they were bad enough that he didn’t want to try to sleep and suffer through them.

The only peace that he was finding was watching Kathryn sleep and listening to the soft snoring that she did—the soft snoring that she swore was something he made up just to tease her. 

She brought him peace. She always had. There was just something about her that could seem to still whatever storm started raging inside of him.

Tonight, watching Kathryn sleep, Chakotay was finding his balance again. He was finding his own purpose again instead of blindly following the purpose that the Borg assigned him. 

In Kathryn, Chakotay found everything he needed—and she didn’t even know she had that effect on him. He’d told her at least a dozen times, but she’d never believe him—not really and not entirely. 

He’d meant to leave her alone and not to disturb her. She needed her rest for herself and for the baby that was drawing a good bit of energy from her body. Still, he couldn’t resist touching her gently. He brushed her hair back with his fingertip. He hoped the light touch wouldn’t bother her. He let that fingertip trail down her jaw. He leaned and gently pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and then one to her lips. 

She didn’t stir. She was far away from him and she was sleeping soundly. Her dreams, hopefully, were much more pleasant than his had been. Maybe she was dreaming happily about their reunion. Maybe she was seeing their little one for the first time. Perhaps she was far away in the future and she was leading the ship home, finally within sight of Earth.

No matter what she dreamed about, Chakotay hoped her dreams were sweet and that her sleep was rejuvenating.

Chakotay carefully pulled the cover back. He let his eyes trail down her body. He’d memorized everything about her down to the placement of nearly every freckle. Gently, he ran his hand over her body. He watched her for any reaction, but she remained still and her breathing continued to be steady. 

Chakotay pressed his hand over her belly. She would tell him a thousand times that she wasn’t showing yet. She would insist that what he thought he saw as evidence of their growing child was nothing more than fat and that she’d gained the weight because she never stopped eating. Chakotay didn’t believe her, though. The doctor said she’d gained what he’d like her to gain. 

The slight swell of her stomach was their daughter. Maybe, tucked deep inside her mother and as safe as she could possibly be, she was dreaming sweet dreams about whatever she might be capable of knowing.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Chakotay jumped and Kathryn laughed. Her voice came out in a croak. It was a telltale sign that she’d been sleeping well. 

“You want some water?” Chakotay asked. “I’ve got some by the bed.”

Kathryn sat up and nodded at him. He’d brought the glass to bed with him earlier when he couldn’t sleep and he rolled away from her to get it. He handed it to her and she drank down half of it before she offered the glass back over to him like she felt guilty for drinking it. He shook his head and she finished the glass before he took it from her and let it rest on the bedside table again. She lie back down and Chakotay rested on his elbow next to her. 

“I would’ve thought you’d be sleeping,” Kathryn said. “Didn’t you get—well—didn’t you get enough to put you to sleep?” 

“It wasn’t that,” Chakotay said. “I went to sleep. Several times actually. Every time, though, I dreamed that I was under the control of the Borg again. I woke myself up trying to get away from it. Trying to get away from them.”

“It’s going to take a little time,” Kathryn said, “but you’re safe Chakotay. You’re free from the Borg now. At least as long as we don’t see them again.”

“You’re worried about that,” Chakotay said.

“I have to be,” Kathryn said. “We can do our best to prepare for them, but that doesn’t change the fact that the Borg are truly a force. I don’t know how I couldn’t be concerned about the fact that we know that they’re around us, even if we can’t see them.”

“If we see them,” Chakotay said, “we’ll handle them. We’ll work on a plan in the morning. We’ll train and we’ll get the ship ready. Voyager and all our people will be ready if we encounter the Borg.”

Kathryn smiled softly at him.

“You say that with so much confidence,” Kathryn said.

“Because I am confident,” Chakotay assured her. That was what she needed him to be, and that was what he could be for her. He was confident in her ability to lead them. With enough support, Kathryn would be the woman who was able to conquer the Borg. But she would have a much better chance of accomplishing that if she wasn’t sleep deprived. Chakotay reached over and pulled the blanket up to cover her again. He rubbed his hand over her body to soothe her in case she needed it. Mention of facing the Borg, after all, wasn’t exactly the nicest bedtime story. “Go back to sleep, Kathryn. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Only if you hold me,” Kathryn said. Chakotay did what she asked. He lie down and welcomed her to his side. She rested her head on his arm and he kissed her forehead before he settled comfortably beside her. She stroked his chest with her fingers. She knew what she was doing. She intended to try to lull him to sleep—and he just might let her. “You didn’t tell me what you were thinking about.”

“Our daughter,” Chakotay said. “That she’s growing. She’s healthy and getting bigger. You’re taking such good care of her.” 

Kathryn hummed at him.

“I’m not really consciously doing anything,” Kathryn said. “My body is doing all the work.”

“She’s taking control and getting what she needs,” Chakotay said. “What she wants. But at the end of the day, it’s you who keeps her safe and gives her what she asks for. What she needs.”

“And it’s you who keeps me safe,” Kathryn said. “And gives me what I need.”

“I almost failed at that,” Chakotay said.

“Shhh,” Kathryn hissed at him. “She doesn’t like negativity.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“You’re going to just use her against me to win every argument from now on?” Chakotay asked.

“No,” Kathryn said. “I know it for a fact. She responds to negativity by giving me heartburn that’s bad enough I feel like I could breathe fire.”

“I don’t think that’s negativity she’s responding to,” Chakotay offered. “I think that’s Neelix’s cooking.”

Kathryn laughed and snuggled into him.

“Maybe some of it is Neelix’s cooking,” Kathryn ceded. “But some of it is negativity. And neither of us wants to hear what isn’t true. You take good care of both of us, Chakotay, and you’ve never stopped that. We refuse to hear you say otherwise.”

Chakotay held his breath a moment and let it out, focusing on trying to consciously expel the negative energy that he felt inside him—the energy that Kathryn would swear that their unborn daughter could sense and that she didn’t care for either. He kissed Kathryn’s forehead again. She was already attempting to sleep beside him. Her breathing was already beginning to even out again.

“Sleep. I never will stop taking care of you,” Chakotay said. “I promise you that. Both of you.”


	58. Chapter 58

AN: Here we are, another chapter! 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Several days past what they were calling the Borg planet, and several days into clear skies, Kathryn had the whole ship at work preparing for the possibility of encountering a whole Borg armada somewhere within the expanse or just beyond it. If they weren’t busy with the day-to-day performance or maintenance of Voyager, they were working on ways to make the ship and all her crew stronger and better equipped for any dangers they might face in the future. 

It was only after a sixteen hour shift one day that Chakotay pulled personal “rank” on Kathryn and threatened her with getting an official order from the doctor that would require her to take a little time off to eat well, rest, and recover from the grueling pace she’d decided to set for herself. She recognized that it was important for her crew to have days off, but she didn’t seem to remember that the same applied to her when it wasn’t truly crunch time.

They weren’t under attack. At least, they weren’t under attack yet. 

Kathryn had accepted Chakotay’s threat to get an official order from the doctor and she’d agreed to take her allotted time off without a fight. She’d taken one extra day of shifts to, as she put it, make sure that everything was going well. Then she’d agreed to take two days off for rest and relaxation unless, of course, the crew needed her or something came up that simply couldn’t be handled without her. 

Since skies were clear and Tuvok was more than capable of manning the ship for a couple of days with the two of them as close-by as the holodeck, Chakotay was taking his two-day leave with Kathryn. He spent his time before their joint leave preparing for the short vacation. He wanted it to go as smoothly as possible, and he wanted Kathryn to get as much out of it as possible. 

Kathryn seemed to have forgiven him entirely for his transgressions of having considered the possibility that the proverbial grass could be greener anywhere outside his marriage. If she was holding any kind of grudge, she was hiding it so masterfully that Chakotay couldn’t detect it. Chakotay planned the whole leave, though, with the thought in mind that it would be a chance for them to get away, escape the noise a little, and reconnect entirely with one another. He wanted it to be a time when Kathryn could really recharge and they could both come back with clear heads and relaxed bodies. 

He’d put a good deal of work into their holodeck program to make it extra special. There was a great deal more that he dreamed of doing to the program, but he’d run out of time before he could make all the changes that he could dream up. He’d decided that what he had would have to do and he hoped that Kathryn wouldn’t mind that it wasn’t complete yet. They had a great deal of time left on their trip back to the Alpha Quadrant, after all, to tinker with the details of the program. 

Just to make sure that he’d chosen the right thing for their two-day leave, though, Chakotay had pretended that his plan was for the two of them to spend their time in a new holoprogram that had been designed by one of the crew members who had wanted a nice vacation in Italy. Kathryn had accepted his proposal and she’d assured Chakotay that whatever he wanted was fine with her. They’d have a wonderful time no matter where they spent their vacation or what they chose to do with their time. Chakotay could see it in her eyes, though, that she wasn’t truly happy with his plans to take her to holo-Italy. 

Chakotay helped her pack a few things that they would both want, waited while she gave Tuvok some last minute instructions and reminded him that she was always available via combadge, and then Chakotay walked with her to the holodeck. He didn’t try to hide his smile at all when he asked the computer to open their program and Kathryn’s entire demeanor changed. He shook his head at her. 

“You weren’t going to tell me what you really wanted? You were just going to spend your time off somewhere where you didn’t want to be?” He asked.

“I would be happy with you anywhere,” Kathryn responded sincerely. Chakotay hadn’t expected the answer, and it had caught by surprise and choked off his air a little. He nodded. 

“I would be happy to be with you anywhere,” Chakotay said. “But I would like to know where you would like to be. I want you to be able to relax. You know where you can do that the best.”

“I think you’ve chosen well,” Kathryn said. “But if you want to do something else...”

Chakotay shook his head at her offer.

“B’Elanna helped me make sure that everything I wrote for the program was perfect and it wouldn’t have any glitches. I’ve got a few surprises for you.”

“As usual,” Kathryn responded. “And I’ve got nothing for you.”

“You’re enough,” Chakotay assured her. “Let’s get our vacation started, OK?”

Kathryn nodded at him and he waved his hand to usher her into the holodeck. She stepped forward and he followed after her with the small bag they’d packed for their short trip.

It didn’t take them long to reach the cabin and Chakotay put his hand on Kathryn’s shoulder and steered her around the side of the cabin instead of letting her go straight for the front door. 

“Where are we going?” Kathryn asked with a laugh.

“You’ll see,” Chakotay said. 

At the back of the house was a replica of the tub that he’d built her on New Earth that was newly designed for their holodeck program. Kathryn smiled at him broadly.

“You built me a tub,” she said.

“One that’s big enough for both of us and the baby too,” Chakotay said. “Even once she’s here, there will be plenty of room for all of us for a while. Computer—fill tub.” He put down the small bag of their possessions and raised his eyebrows at Kathryn. “You might want to start undressing.” To get her started, Chakotay pulled his own shirt over his head. Kathryn watched him a moment, eyebrow cocked, so he gave her a bit of a show while he stripped out of the rest of his clothes. He could see her breathing pick up in the quick rise and fall of her chest. It was strangely flattering to him to know that something as simple as taking off his clothes could pique her interest even though she was no stranger to seeing him naked. He could understand why it was so important to her, sometimes, that he remind her of how beautiful he thought she was and of the fact that he would never change his mind about that. 

“Towels?” Kathryn asked. “Do you want me to grab some from the cabin?”

“We’ll drip dry,” Chakotay said. “Computer—change program to ‘clear night’ setting.”

The computer changed the program as requested and quickly night fell around them. It was a clear night, just as Chakotay programmed it to be since he’d also added in a stormy night for the times that Kathryn wanted to fall asleep to the sound of a gentle thunderstorm, and the stars were programmed to be bright enough for them to still have the ability to see one another without straining their eyes too much. 

“This is nice,” Kathryn said, finally working her way out of her clothes. She left them piled neatly with Chakotay’s on their bag. He offered her a hand and she accepted it, whether she needed it or not, while she got into the tub. She sat forward, leaving plenty of room for him, while Chakotay eased into the tub and sat behind her. He tugged at her shoulders, convincing her to lean back on him. She groaned at him as he kneaded her shoulders in his hands. 

“Is everything to your liking?” Chakotay asked.

“I can’t complain,” Kathryn said. “I’m practically being treated like royalty. I don’t know what more I could really ask for. Though—I would probably make the water a little hotter.”

“The doctor said that it was better to limit the temperature of the tub,” Chakotay said. “Something about raising your body temperature and its possible effects on the baby’s development. As a precaution, I programmed the computer to remember his maximum acceptable temperature for the water.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“You thought of everything,” she said. 

“I’ll admit that I did have a little help from B’Elanna,” Chakotay said. “She said she’d like to see the program one day. That is—if you don’t mind sharing our home with someone else.” 

“I think it would be nice to have B’Elanna over,” Kathryn said with a laugh. “Maybe she and Tom could come for a picnic sometime.”

Chakotay ran his hands over Kathryn’s body and kissed the side of her face. When he stopped his hands over her belly, she rested her hands on top of his.

“Do you remember when I used to have a waist?” She asked. “Because it’s fading fast.”

Chakotay rearranged his legs to draw her closer against him.

“You’ve still got one. You’re just changing shape.”

“It doesn’t seem entirely fair,” Kathryn said with a sigh. “You get to keep your figure.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” he said. “The doctor took my weight yesterday and I’m up almost five pounds. It seems that every time I think you should eat, I eat just to make sure that you’re getting the necessary nutrition. I’m on course to gain more than you do during this pregnancy and absolutely none of mine can be contributed to carrying a baby.”

Kathryn laughed. She sighed again and relaxed back into him completely. He could feel the change of weight as she let her body go limp against his. He kept his hands over the small swell of her belly, though every now and again he trailed his fingers gently as far as they would reach in any direction.

“Are you sure you didn’t want to run a different program?” Kathryn asked. “It’s your vacation, too. I don’t want you to be bored. We could split our time. Tomorrow here and the next day somewhere else. Or the other way around—however you want.”

“I want to stay here,” Chakotay said. “Besides, you haven’t see half of what I’ve programmed for us. The tub is just part of it.”

Kathryn started to sit up and Chakotay pulled her back to keep her reclining in her place.

“What else is there?” Kathryn asked.

“I don’t want to spoil all the surprises,” Chakotay said. 

“I’ll be surprised whether you tell me now or later,” Kathryn assured him.

“Well—I did make a few changes to the house,” Chakotay said. “You’ll see them when you go inside. And I did plan a little escape for us to take together.”

“An escape?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay couldn’t help but smile. He could hear that he’d piqued her interest.

“Do you remember that boat I was going to build?” He asked.

“I was going to sand the boards for it,” Kathryn responded, running her fingers over his in such a gentle and methodical way that her light touch sent a shiver through his body. 

“Well, as it turns out, it’s much easier to build a boat with a holodeck program,” Chakotay said. “So it’s finished.”

“Where is it?” Kathryn asked, sitting up enough to be able to turn and look at him over her shoulder. Her eyes were dancing.

“It’s in our boat shed, of course,” Chakotay responded with a laugh. “By the river that I finally got programmed in correctly. I thought that we could go exploring in the morning. We could take the boat down the river and see what there is to see. Maybe we could have a picnic.”

“We could go camping,” Kathryn offered.

“In the interest of being entirely honest,” Chakotay said, “the river isn’t finished. I didn’t have time to write the whole program. We won’t be able to go very far. All I got programmed in was a short piece of the river and a couple of stops for us to choose from for a picnic. We won’t travel far enough that it would even seem reasonable not to sleep here. You’re not too disappointed, are you?”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“You never disappoint me,” Kathryn said. 

“That’s not always true,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn’s smile fell and she furrowed her brows at him.

“It is true,” she said. “And that’s all there is to it. You don’t disappoint me. And if there’s anything that—you’re holding onto? I’m going to ask you to leave it outside the holodeck. Don’t bring it into our home here. And don’t let it mar our vacation.” 

“You’ve really forgiven me,” Chakotay offered.

“I’m just waiting on you to forgive yourself,” Kathryn said. “But I can’t do that for you. You’ve got to do it. I’d like you to do it soon, though. If you can. For me?”

Chakotay kissed her, catching the side of her mouth. Given her position, it was the best that he could do. The tub was large enough for both of them, and given her petite size it offered her more room to move around than it offered him, but it wasn’t quite large enough for her to move around as freely as she might like.

“I promise,” Chakotay said. “Now—turn around before you strain your neck.” When she did turn around again, Chakotay went back to kneading her muscles like he had when they’d first gotten into the tub. “Tonight is for unwinding a little. Tomorrow is for exploring.”

Kathryn hummed at him. 

“Since you thought of everything else,” Kathryn said, “I’ll see if I can’t come up with a few ways for both of us to unwind.”


	59. Chapter 59

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. I’m sorry for the delay between chapters! 

I thought I might let you know that I’m in and out when I can be. I’m changing jobs and moving across the USA among other things. I’m writing when I get the chance. 

I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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When morning broke around them, Chakotay woke to Kathryn offering to help alleviate the spontaneously occurring sexual interest that his body showed every morning. He accepted her offer and, when she refused reciprocation because she said her act hadn’t been about expecting something in return, Chakotay had left her in bed, reading something enjoyable on her PADD, while he’d gone to the holodeck door to accept the breakfast that Neelix prepared and brought to them.

Replicated food was acceptable, but Chakotay wanted to be sure that Kathryn got the most complete nutrition possible and Neelix agreed with him. He’d arranged for some of their meals to be delivered to them rather than having to rely entirely on the holodeck replicators, and Neelix had assured him that it wouldn’t be a problem at all to have their requested meals delivered. Rather than seeming horrified that Chakotay would come to the door in his pajamas to accept the delivery that morning, Neelix seemed pleased as he passed over the food. His greatest concern was that the captain was relaxing, and he seemed to regard Chakotay’s pajamas as proof that all was going well and according to plan.

Chakotay brought the food to Kathryn, replicated some coffee for her, and then, together, the two of them had enjoyed a leisurely breakfast in bed. They hadn’t even needed conversation. There wasn’t anything pressing to say and the pleasant and easy silence between them was welcome. 

“What did you want to do today?” Chakotay asked when breakfast was done and he’d cleaned everything up and had returned to the bed for a moment to simply lounge there at Kathryn’s side. 

“I thought you had everything planned,” Kathryn said.

“Not down to the moment,” Chakotay admitted. “The truth is that what we do doesn’t matter nearly as much as—well, just that we’re doing it together. I wanted you to relax. I wanted you to have something nice. I wanted to spend some time with you. Remember what it was like on New Earth.”

Kathryn smiled at him. She leaned toward him and captured his lips. 

“For me or for you?” Kathryn asked. “I haven’t forgotten what it was like. I think about it every day. I dream about it sometimes at night. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way it is now, either. Am I wrong? Is there something I should know about?” 

Chakotay shook his head.

“There’s nothing wrong. Though—I have to admit that, when I was down there, Riley asked me if I thought about settling down on an M class planet somewhere and putting down roots. She asked if I thought about building a life on a planet somewhere.”

“Of course she did,” Kathryn responded. “She wanted you to stay with her.”

“Maybe,” Chakotay said. “I didn’t want to put down roots with her, Kathryn, but it did make me think about New Earth. It made me think about how close we came to doing just that. You and me. Maybe it made me even a little homesick for a place that, perhaps, was never really mine to call home.” Chakotay swallowed. There was no judgment in Kathryn’s features. She was only regarding him with some concern. “I guess—I sometimes miss having you all to myself.”

Kathryn gave him a soft smile.

“You’ve got me all to yourself for a couple of days,” Kathryn said. “And I’ll do my best to take my rest days when I can for us to have a little time here and there. Do you think that maybe—maybe that could help? Just a little? I know it’s not the same as when we had a whole planet to ourselves, but maybe it’s a place to start.”

Chakotay reached over and gently brushed his fingers against Kathryn’s cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. Such a small gesture from her could make him feel so wonderful. So important. She knew how to make him simply feel good.

“I’ll take any time with you that I can get,” Chakotay assured her. 

“Now that you have me all to yourself,” Kathryn said, “what do you want to do with me?” 

“I’d like to—show you your surprises,” Chakotay said.

“The room?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay had added to their little holohome, but he’d kept Kathryn from seeing the new addition the night before. He shook his head at her. 

“Not yet,” he said. “Later. First, let’s get dressed. We’ll see the river. Replicate a picnic lunch. Go on a picnic together at some bend along the river. It’ll be a nice little adventure.”

Kathryn threw back the cover and immediately climbed out of bed to begin dressing in one of the dresses that she typically wore when they were on the holodeck.

“Is that OK?” Chakotay pressed, starting to follow her lead and get dressed as well. “We could do something else. Anything you’d like. We don’t have to go down the river if you had something else in mind.”

“I can’t think of anything I’d like better than exploring our little river with you, Chakotay,” Kathryn responded. “Maybe, if we’re lucky, we’ll even get lost for a little while—just the two of us.”

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Even though it was a simple extension of their holoprogram and it wasn’t real at all, Kathryn’s eyes were wide and full of wonder as she took in everything around her. They made their way slowly and gently down the river. There wasn’t any need to rush. They had all day and they were hoping that their little excursion took most of it. 

Chakotay had programmed the trip down the river to be pleasant. He’d programmed it to be smooth and he’d programmed it so that the current would work in their favor no matter the direction in which they were travelling. All he had to do was tell the computer if they were going down the river or returning home and it would all work in their favor. 

Chakotay had asked Kathryn to let him row the little boat and she hadn’t fought him. She’d teasingly called him “captain” as they left the shore and she’d had nothing but broad smiles for him as they’d drifted down the holoriver to see what there was to see. She reclined, clearly relaxed, in the spot provided for her in the boat and she left it all to Chakotay. She was along for the ride, but he was absolutely in charge. 

“I’m afraid the river won’t last much longer,” Chakotay said after a while. “There’s a lot left for me to program before it’s all done. I’ve counted two possible stops that I know were programmed in, but if I remember correctly, that means that there’s only one more left to go before we run out of what’s available at the moment.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“This is beautiful, Chakotay,” she gushed. “I don’t even know if the real thing could be this wonderful. And wherever we stop? It’ll be the perfect place to spend the day.”

Chakotay kept rowing for the time being, certain that soon they’d come upon the last stop that was available for them to use at the moment. If they went beyond it, the program would simply run out and they’d run into a wall—even though the wall would give them the false sense, visually, that everything continued on for as far as the eye could see.

“You say you’re enjoying it. Does that mean that you wouldn’t mind me finishing the program? Extending the river and, maybe, the woods and even the mountains around here?” Chakotay asked Kathryn. “Maybe we could go camping sometime before she comes.” 

“I’d love that,” Kathryn said. “All of it. And I know you’ve been enjoying working on the program. I don’t want you to worry about it right now, though. What we have will do for now, don’t you think? There’s a blanket and we’ve got a nice lunch.” Kathryn playfully winked at him. “We should stop soon and see if we can’t figure out a way to entertain ourselves with what we’ve got.”

Chakotay smiled to himself. He played along and nodded at her. 

“I’ll start looking for somewhere that looks like a good place to stop. I don’t want to waste any time.”

“I’ve got just one concern,” Kathryn said sincerely.

“What’s that?” Chakotay asked.

“Finding a bathroom without exiting the program and spoiling the mood,” Kathryn said with a sigh.

Chakotay laughed. 

“Don’t worry, I thought of that,” Chakotay said. “I set the program up to mark the bathroom for you at any stopping point in the program. You can pretend you’re slipping off behind the marked tree and that’s all there is to it. We don’t have to stop the program any more than we do when we’re at the cabin.”

Kathryn looked genuinely relieved and, perhaps, a little impressed that Chakotay had thought to make it so that the lavatory wouldn’t be hard to find and she wouldn’t have to spoil the fun by ending the program for even a moment. 

“You really do think of everything, Chakotay,” she mused.

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to wink at her. 

“It’s my job,” he said. “I anticipate what the captain needs and do my best to make sure that she gets it. It’s my job to make the captain’s life as good as I possibly can.”

“You do that,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s just a bonus for me that the captain happens to be my wife,” Chakotay said. “I’d say that looks like a perfect place for us to stop for a picnic. What do you think?” 

He pointed to the clearing that he knew was programmed for them at the bend of the river and he started to steer the small boat in that direction. Kathryn sat up a little from her slightly reclining positon.

“It looks perfect to me,” she assured him. “Plenty of room for our blanket. A good spot for a picnic and a nap. I think we can come up with a few good ways to pass a day—way out here and all alone.”

Chakotay hummed. As soon as the little boat ran aground, he moved past Kathryn and quickly stepped onto the shore. He caught the boat before it could slide off and he pulled it up a little more and tied it off before he gestured to Kathryn to pass him the few things they’d brought with them. Once their things were unpacked, Chakotay reached his hand out to Kathryn and she let him help her out of the boat and onto the shore.

Immediately, Kathryn went about spreading out their blanket while Chakotay made sure that the boat was secure. By the time he turned around, Kathryn was already reclining on the blanket, her shoes off, looking around her and smiling. She was clearly enjoying herself, just as Chakotay hoped she would be. When he approached the blanket, toeing off his own shoes, Kathryn offered her hand to him and he took it. He lowered himself to the blanket beside her and she moved over so that she could lean against him. He slipped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her face before she offered him a smile.

“Are you sure this is how you want to spend a day?” Kathryn asked him, stretching out her legs and rubbing them against the blanket so that they bumped gently against Chakotay’s.

He swallowed and pulled her in closer beside him. He smelled the sweet smell of her shampoo and kissed the side of her face again. He didn’t try to stop himself from letting out the satisfied sigh that felt determined to escape him.

“This is how I’m sure I want to spend the rest of my life,” Chakotay said. “But a day’s a good place to start.”


	60. Chapter 60

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay kept his final surprise for Kathryn a secret during the day. He hoped to draw out her excitement and anticipation over what it might be for as long as possible. It was always pleasant to look forward to something nice and Chakotay wanted that feeling to last for her. 

They spent a long and lazy day on the bank of the river. They fished, catching nothing because Chakotay had forgotten to add fish to their program, and they swam in water that came up to Kathryn’s shoulders if she stood flat footed on the smooth river rocks beneath her. They ate their picnic lunch and they made love over and over again—giving in to the desire every time it rose up in one of them again.

Chakotay rowed them back up the river and stored away their little boat for future adventures when the river was longer, better programmed, and had more to offer them. Then he’d called for Neelix to deliver their dinner to the holodeck door and they’d eaten it, picnic style, outside of their own little cabin with the “starry evening” function in place to give everything a nice romantic feeling. 

They’d wound down the evening with a warm bath in the tub that Kathryn already loved and Chakotay had more than willingly held her while she seemed to simply nap against him in the warm water. 

Finally, when Kathryn was dried and dressed in the comfortable nightgown that she was such a fan of and Chakotay was dressed in the soft pajama pants that she’d “gifted” him some days in the past, Kathryn had allowed Chakotay to cover her eyes with his hands and to lead her to the door of the cabin’s extra room. She’d kept her hands wrapped around his wrists for the security it gave her and she’d let him push her forward into the room.

“It’s not done,” Chakotay warned, his stomach churning slightly. Now that she was there, he was worrying that he’d done wrong in creating the room. He was worrying that he’d gone about it all wrong. He had no reason to worry about her reaction, but still his gut seemed to be concerned that his wife wouldn’t be pleased. It was too late to back out, though, so all that he could do was try to prepare her for any disappointment she might feel. “Nothing is set in stone. We can change anything you want. There’s still a lot of programming to be done.”

When he moved his hands away from her eyes, he heard a soft intake of breath from Kathryn. He smiled to himself and watched her step forward. The expression on her face immediately relieved the worries that had been boiling up inside of him. She could fake a lot of emotions, but she couldn’t fake that one. That one he knew was genuine. Kathryn reached the crib and ran her hand along the side of it. 

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed out.

“I know you told Samantha Wildman that you’d take all of Naomi’s things so that no energy has to go into replicating anything new to prepare a nursery for the baby,” Chakotay said. He swallowed. He didn’t know why, but it had bothered him when he’d heard of Kathryn’s plans to simply take everything Samantha had to offer. He licked his lips. “She came to me to talk to me about it.”

Kathryn frowned at him.

“Naomi grows so quickly that she barely has time to use anything,” Kathryn said. “It takes a lot of energy to replicate everything a baby needs. We were all happy to chip in rations for things for Naomi, but it doesn’t make sense to do it again when everything Samantha picked out is practically new and would just be going to waste.”

“We could recycle it,” Chakotay said. He set his jaw. He didn’t want to influence Kathryn’s feelings too much with his own, but at the same time he was no Vulcan and he was very much in touch with his own emotions—even if he didn’t always understand them or where they came from. 

“In a way we are,” Kathryn pointed out. “It would use unnecessary energy to recycle one crib, for instance, to get another. We’re recycling it by making sure that nothing goes to waste and we reserve energy as much as we can.”

“Samantha came to me because she said that getting the things she needed for Naomi, putting her nursery together, and having the shower—she said they were all very important to helping her feel more grounded and prepared for everything. They were emotionally significant things. She’s worried about you missing out on them, but you’re her captain and she isn’t going to tell you that—so she told me. Frankly, Kathryn, I don’t want you to miss out on all of that in the name of practicality. There is nothing I need to spend replicator rations on that would make me any happier than helping you prepare—emotionally as much as physically—for the arrival of our daughter. I can’t help but feel that I’m not alone.”

Kathryn gave him a soft smile that slightly contrasted with her furrowed brow. She held tight to the crib railing. 

“I’m only concerned with her having what she needs,” Kathryn said. “Any crib is as good as the next if it’s structurally sound and safe. That’s all I need, Chakotay. I need to know that she’s got what she needs and she’s safe.” 

“I knew you would say that,” Chakotay said. “And—I want you to know that you’re free to change your mind at any point. Nobody is going to think you’re a bad captain because you decide that you want a few nice, new things for welcoming home your first child. Until then, though, I thought you could at least play with her nursery here. You can make it anything you’d like for it to be. You can change whatever you want, as often as you want.”

Kathryn smiled. She looked around the room. She moved from the crib with the soft pink and white blankets and sheets to the white rocking chair with matching pastel cushions. She sat down in the chair and rocked it with her foot. Chakotay smiled at the sight of her there. He’d imagined her sitting there when he’d programmed it, but he’d never prepared himself for her to be quite so beautiful. 

As often as he saw her, he never felt quite prepared for the warm rush that filled his chest every now and again when he was struck by how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. 

“I thought you might need a comfortable place, when we’re here, to rock her and nurse her,” Chakotay explained. 

“You picked everything out for her?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay swallowed. He nodded his head. There really wasn’t much there. He’d wanted to do it all himself, but he wasn’t entirely sure what a baby actually needed. He’d programmed the crib, bedding, and the rocking chair, but he’d figured that Kathryn would know what else she needed and she’d be able to handle the rest. What he’d put there was just enough to show Kathryn how the room might look and that he’d added it there to be a nursery for her to play with as she pleased.

“I chose it,” Chakotay said. “I tried to do the whole thing myself, but I did have to have B’Elanna’s help just to make sure that it would all be structurally sound. I’m pretty good at programming projections, but she has to help me with some of the solidifying parameters. I didn’t know what to put in here, honestly, but I wanted there to be something here. Still—Kathryn, I hated to even pick out what I did.”

“Why?” Kathryn asked. “I think it’s beautiful. You did an excellent job choosing something for her to come home to.”

“Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to pick it out,” Chakotay admitted. “Because I knew that you would say that I did a good job.” He swallowed. His stomach churned again and he didn’t try to explain to himself why he felt the way he did. The “why” didn’t matter at all. He was already learning, too, that things relating to his wife and daughter were having emotional effects on him that he hadn’t expected before. For every bit as emotional as Kathryn seemed to be in the past few weeks, Chakotay was finding that he was sometimes having just as much unexpected fluctuation in his moods. If Kathryn noticed it, though, she was kind enough not to point it out to him or to hold it against him. He swallowed back against the knot that was inexplicably growing in his throat. “Then it would be Samantha Wildman who chose everything for her nursery in our quarters and it would be me that chose everything for her holo-nursery.” He shook his head at her. “I would know that her mother didn’t get to do any of it. And everything I’ve read assures me that setting all that up—preparing for her? They call it nesting and I’ve been assured that it’s something you absolutely need, Kathryn, in this whole process.”

Kathryn smiled to herself. 

“Nesting,” she said, musing over the word. “It sounds delightfully primitive, Chakotay. Are you going to bring me sticks and twigs to get me started?” 

She raised her eyebrow up at him and Chakotay laughed at her teasing. 

“This was my best attempt to do so,” Chakotay said. “At least for now. I won’t promise that I won’t try for something more later. No matter how advanced our society gets, there are some things that will simply always be primitive. Pregnancy and childbirth—at least to some degree—are two of those things. Kathryn—if you don’t feel like you need to make changes to either nursery, or to our quarters, or even to this cabin, that’s fine. But I want you to know that you can. I support you in doing whatever you feel like you need to do or...or whatever you want to do to get ready for her.”

Kathryn ran her hand over the arm of the rocking chair. She offered Chakotay a sincere smile. 

“Just hearing you say that makes me feel very supported. And I already know that I’m very, very—lucky. I have a husband that supports me so much. A husband who...” she stopped and laughed to herself. “Who loves me and our daughter enough that he’s read through half of what Earth has to offer about pregnancy and childbirth before I can even feel our baby kick.” She sighed and shook her head at him. “I guess I still haven’t really thought about any of it. I haven’t thought about the reality of it all. Samantha offered. She said she’d be glad to give me anything that I wanted or needed to start setting up a nursery. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that I’m going to—that she’s really going to be here and we’re going to need somewhere to put her. She’ll need somewhere to sleep. As Tuvok would say, when Samantha offered, it seemed logical to take what was there. There’s no need to waste energy over something trivial and impractical. That’s especially so when I keep finding it difficult to believe that one day—one day she’ll actually be here and she’ll be very real.”

Chakotay’s chest tightened. He nodded his understanding at Kathryn.

“I’m sure it’s going to seem much more real as she grows and makes herself a little more known,” Chakotay said. “But it’s every bit as real for us as it was for Samantha. Our daughter is coming. One day—not that very far away in the grand scheme of things—she’ll be here.”

Kathryn smiled and gently caressed her belly. 

“Maybe it’ll seem more real when she’s a little bigger,” she said. “And I can feel her. Know that she’s there.”

“You need more proof than the scans?” Chakotay asked.

“Maybe I do,” Kathryn admitted. “I think—at least to feel completely...I don’t know...Chakotay.”

She stammered it out and Chakotay stepped forward to stand in front of where she sat in the chair. He understood. Kathryn was a woman of science, fact, and hard evidence. She liked things she could clearly see and touch and believe in because they were undeniably there. They had scans, but their daughter was still too small to make too great of a change in her mother’s body or to be felt when she moved about. Maybe Kathryn needed a little more time. Chakotay could only imagine the impact it would have on her the day she first felt their daughter. It was a day that he was looking forward to as well, though she’d feel her long before he would. 

Chakotay held his hand out to Kathryn and she took it. He pulled her against him and she came willingly, curling herself into him. 

“Am I a bad mother because I need more proof?” She breathed out, her words barely audible.

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“Someone who worries as much as you do about whether or not you’re doing it right could never be a bad mother,” he assured her. “Soon you’ll have all the proof you need. Probably more than you want. You’ll be tired of it all before you know it.” Kathryn hummed at him and rubbed her face against him. He tightened his hold on her. She sighed contentedly. “In the meantime, let’s go to bed, Kathryn. We’ll want to get as much out of tomorrow as we can.”

“Chakotay?” Kathryn said, still holding tight to him and making no move to come to bed as he’d suggested—at least, not right away.

“Hmm?” He responded.

“It means more than you know,” Kathryn said. “Maybe it means more than I can say. But—thank you for making a place for her.”

“Everywhere we are,” Chakotay assured her, “anywhere we are, there will always be a place for her.”


	61. Chapter 61

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Their vacation passed in the blink of an eye and, though Kathryn was pleased to have the opportunity to return to work, she was sad to stop being the constant object of Chakotay’s affections. 

Chakotay was usually an attentive partner and a dedicated lover, but his feelings of guilt over what he’d felt and thought when controlled by the Borg had made him seem almost hungry and desperate to consume as much of Kathryn as was possible. Finally accepting that she’d forgiven him, that hunger had changed only slightly as it had morphed into a desperate need to show his gratitude and renewed hope for their future. 

They made the most out of a few days hidden away on the holodeck. They probably made more out of that short vacation than anyone ever had out of such a limited amount of time. They’d made love until Kathryn’s skin felt hyper-sensitive to even the touch of her own clothing. They’d fished and swam in their river. They’d tended their hologarden, taken rambling walks through the woods, and they’d watched the stars at night from a blanket. They’d renewed their promise of dedication to one another a few dozen times over. 

And now it was time to return to the bridge and leave someone else to take their R and R—even though Kathryn was sure they’d never make such good use of it as she and Chakotay had. 

Maybe the only thing she was really holding onto, to keep herself from feeling sad that their little vacation was drawing to an end, was the renewed consideration of what the crew had said about allowing for a little more public show of emotion on the ship since all of them would be together for a very long time. She’d been against it before, but now she couldn’t see the harm in it. She’d made the rule that the crew was allowed to complain if they were bothered by something, but there was no need in assuming that they would be bothered before she had the facts.

Kathryn openly held Chakotay’s hand across the table in the mess hall while she sipped her coffee and waited for Neelix to come speak to them about breakfast. As soon as they ate, Kathryn would return to the bridge while Chakotay covered the logs from the past two days. Then he would take her place while she got caught up on the very calm happenings of the Nekrit Expanse—a place that would still offer them, it seemed, at least another week of smooth sailing and easy breathing.

“Captain,” Neelix said as he approached the table, “you look radiant. Absolutely radiant. Is it safe to assume that a couple of days on your—on your special planet—agreed with you?” 

Kathryn smiled at him. He could be a bit over-bearing and a little over-involved sometimes, but Kathryn was certain that he always had her best interest at heart. 

“It was wonderful,” Kathryn assured him. She squeezed Chakotay’s hand and glanced at him before she looked back at Neelix. “The commander and I had a very good vacation. But now we’re ready to get back to work after a good breakfast.”

The Talaxian looked thoroughly pleased. 

“Of course, Captain. What can I get you? Uh—today’s special is an omelet loaded with a number of vegetables that are on offer from our airponics bay. I can replicate you anything you’d like as well if—if you and the first baby aren’t feeling up to an omelet.”

Kathryn smiled to herself and shook her head gently. 

“The omelet sounds wonderful,” she assured Neelix. “I’ll have one with everything you’ve got except Leola root.” 

“Same,” Chakotay ordered quickly. “Thank you, Neelix.”

Neelix scampered off and Chakotay leaned forward. He lifted Kathryn’s hand and brushed his lips over her knuckles before he gently rubbed his thumb over the same spot. Still adjusting to her decision that she was going to throw caution to the wind and allow herself to enjoy her husband’s affections a bit more in the spaces they shared with the crew, Kathryn glanced around them. Few people were eating breakfast at that hour and even fewer were paying them any attention. The one person that Kathryn noticed looking at them was a young ensign who was eating her omelet alone with a PADD in front of her. Rather than looking horrified, she was smiling like she enjoyed the view. 

Kathryn was reminded that there was very little in the way of entertainment sometimes. She didn’t begrudge the young ensign some kind of show to go with her solitary meal. 

Kathryn turned her eyes back to Chakotay. He was smiling softly at her, one cheek dimpling. He waited to speak until he held her eyes again. He brushed his thumb back over her hand when he had her attention. 

“Are you ready to get back to work?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn hummed and nodded. 

“I would be lying, though, if I said I wasn’t going to miss you a little bit. I got reminded what it was like to have nothing to worry about except us.”

“And now you have a whole crew to take care of again,” Chakotay teased. “Don’t worry. You take care of Voyager and the crew, and I promise you that I’ll still be here to take care of you.”

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Getting caught up on what they had missed wasn’t going to take much time at all. Outside of the ship, all was calm. They seemed to be alone in this area of the expanse and there was nothing that the crew could do for any of the changing areas in space except ride them out and reset their course whenever necessary. The only thing that appeared in most of the reports were some minor injuries and a few small conflicts between crew members that Tuvok had managed to resolve—the kind of thing that was really to be expected with so many people living in a relatively small space for such a long time. 

Kathryn sat on the bridge and finished up reading the reports while they continued onward. Tom was on his break from the bridge –the time for his R and R having come up—and Chakotay was overseeing an ensign that was taking the clear skies an opportunity to practice their somewhat green flying skills. Everyone else had fallen silent and Kathryn assumed that they’d long since run out of things to say to one another. 

“Kathryn,” Chakotay said. The sound of his voice penetrating the silence while she was reading made Kathryn jump. Chakotay looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, Captain,” he corrected.

“It’s fine,” Kathryn said. “We’ve been on R and R. It’s a slip and it’s to be expected sometimes. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Chakotay said. “At least I don’t think anything is wrong. It looks like the expanse might be offering us another anomaly ahead. It appears to be a belt of some kind.”

“Asteroids?” Kathryn asked.

“I would say not,” Chakotay responded. 

“Report,” Kathryn said. 

“Not asteroids,” Harry said. “There are particles present, but they’re too small to damage the ship. We pass through them without any interference or disturbance.”

“It is likely that you have not finished reading the reports, Captain, given that you’ve been given very limited time to do so,” Tuvok said. “These particle bands appear to be common to this area of the expanse. They are also unavoidable since going around them would alter our path in a way which is unnecessary given that they seem to have no effect on the ship.” 

“What is their composition?” Kathryn asked, jumping ahead in the files stored in her PADD to find a report about the particles.

“It is not clear at this time,” Tuvok responded. “I anticipated that you would want an analysis, so we had a sample beamed aboard yesterday. The metal part of their composition is unknown to us. However, it is not radioactive and does not appear to react negatively or violently with any substance that is known to us. Beyond the metal components, the main composition of the particles seems to simply be a mix of minerals. Some are known to us and, apparently, some are simply native to the Delta Quadrant.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Bands of space pebbles? Is that what you’re telling me we’ve stumbled upon? Unknown space pebbles with trace amounts of an equally unknown metal?”

“At this time, Captain, that is the best answer that we’ve been able to reach,” Tuvok said. “The analysis on the particles is not entirely complete yet.”

“It is the Delta Quadrant,” Chakotay offered. “We should be thankful that they aren’t a problem. The belt I’m detecting is straight ahead, Captain. Do you want us to continue to pass through it or alter the course?”

“Slow the engines,” Kathryn said. “Even if they’re just pebbles, we don’t want to kick up too much proverbial dust. Mr. Tuvok, let’s beam up another sample or two. I’d like to have a look at these particles myself and I’d like the chance to compare what we pick up here to what you beamed on board yesterday.” Kathryn skimmed the information in the report about the newly discovered “pebbles” that they’d encountered. It appeared that these bands were quite common in their immediate vicinity. They’d seen several of them in a very short amount of time. “If the two samples are the same, it’s possible that their patterns and the locations of the bands might tell us something about where they come from and what’s happened in this region to create them. Even if they’re simply a spontaneously occurring phenomenon here in the Delta Quadrant, I’d like a chance to study them for myself.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tuvok responded. “We read some energy output from the bands. That was what initially held the most interest for us, as you will see in my report, once we determined that the particles seemed to pose no threat to Voyager. Lieutenant Torres has been studying the previously obtained sample in engineering to see if it has any useful properties or if it might have a useful energy output. There is a possibility that we have much to gain from these little pebbles, as you call them.”

“Has Lieutenant Torres found anything?” Kathryn asked. 

“Not yet, Captain,” Tuvok responded. “But she has not finished her analysis. It is possible that each band has a different composition, as well. The comparison of the particles that you mentioned might prove helpful to finding a use for them.”

“I’ll want to compare notes with her once I’ve had a chance to get a look at my own sample,” Kathryn said. “Have the samples sent to the lab, Lieutenant Tuvok.”

“You’ll have plenty of time to do whatever kind of analysis you like,” Chakotay said. “The bands are pretty dense around here. Other than the particle bands, though, it looks like clear skies as far as our sensors can reach. There’s no need for you to be on the bridge, Captain, as long as you keep your combadge on. We can reach you in the lab if there’s any problem.”

The end of Chakotay’s sentence—a dismissal of sorts that Kathryn accepted because she’d prefer working in the lab to simply sitting on the bridge when there was absolutely nothing to do there—was interrupted by the sound of the doctor’s voice coming over the comline.

“Doctor to Captain Janeway.”

“Go ahead, Doctor,” Kathryn said.

“Please report to sickbay at your earliest convenience, Captain. There’s been an altercation between crew members of which you might need to be aware. I’m holding the members here until you arrive.”

“What kind of altercation, Doctor?” Kathryn asked.

“At this moment,” the doctor responded, “suffice it to say that it’s of a personal nature. I’d rather not discuss it over the communication line.”

“Understood,” Kathryn said. “I’ll be right there, Doctor. Janeway out.” Kathryn stood up and surveyed the bridge quickly. The skies were clear except for the pebbles that didn’t seem to be causing anyone concern. There was so little going on—and there had been so little going on for days—that her bridge crew almost looked bored. Even Tuvok looked like he was about to fall asleep from lack of stimulation. Her bridge crew was more than fine without here and Chakotay would have no problem holding things down for her. It seemed, though, that what induced boredom on the bridge created a different feeling entirely in other parts of the ship. Now she would have to go and see who was having problems and what exactly was creating the disturbance. As she left the bridge, Kathryn called out her orders. “Commander Chakotay, I’ll be in sickbay. You’ve got the bridge.”


	62. Chapter 62

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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B’Elanna looked ready to fight anyone—even Kathryn. She had been released by the doctor after a quick once-over following the altercation, but she was refusing to leave sickbay and give the doctor any of the privacy that he’d requested with his other patient. 

The doctor had called Kathryn to sickbay to handle the situation but, more than that, he’d called her to handle B’Elanna. 

Kathryn managed to get B’Elanna calm enough—asking the doctor to wait on giving her his report since it only riled the woman up more every time he started to speak – to get her into the doctor’s office so they could have at least a little privacy to discuss what had been happening over the past few days and to decide whether or not they could figure out any sort of explanation for the behavior that had taken place.

Ensign Vorik—a young Vulcan—had propositioned B’Elanna and assaulted her. In response, B’Elanna had fractured his jaw and given him a healthy number of bruises to help him remember, lest he forget, that she did not care for being grabbed. 

But Ensign Vorik was a Vulcan. He was peaceful, cooperative, obedient, and eager to learn. He had never been a problem before and his record was spotless. His behavior puzzled Kathryn. And, though the doctor may have been able to tell her a good bit more, giving B’Elanna the chance to speak was calming her down. That was what Kathryn wanted. She’d rather not have a raging half-Klingon onboard her ship if it could be avoided.

B’Elanna appeared to be calming more with each piece of her story—especially since, for the moment, she was focused on the science behind the new rocks that had been beamed onto the ship and into the lab that she’d practically been gifted to do her analysis. 

“We can isolate the components, Captain, and use what we need. The leftover metals and minerals can be beamed back out into the belt. There’s nobody around here. There are no planets in the vicinity. There’s no claim on the resources and I’ve already found out that there’s more than enough gallicite inside those rocks to refit all of Voyager’s warp coils. We wouldn’t have to worry about the warp coils for years, Captain.”

Kathryn waved her hand at B’Elanna to get her attention. She was practically frenzied as she gave a quick and informal report of her findings and Kathryn was assuming her near-mania was related to the excitement that her altercation with Ensign Vorik had caused.

“That’s all excellent, Lieutenant Torres. It’s really wonderful. And you can have whoever you need to get this whole thing started. Extract what you can. Refit the warp coils. You have my blessing. I’d like to work with you, myself, at some point. But, right now, I’d like to talk to you about what happened leading up to the altercation between yourself and Ensign Vorik. Before everything—was there anything out of the ordinary? What do you think happened?”

B’Elanna furrowed her brow at Kathryn and shook her head. She looked genuinely confused by the events that had taken place. 

“Captain—we were discussing the warp coils. There was nothing out of the ordinary. Then, all of a sudden—really out of nowhere—he just said that he had considered our situation. He was alone on the ship and so was I. He’d decided that he wanted to mate with me. I thought it was a joke. I laughed at first. Then he went on to say that his Vulcan strength would make him a suitable physical match for my Klingon side. I guess that was about the moment that I remembered that Ensign Vorik doesn’t exactly make jokes. I turned him down. That was when he grabbed me. I pushed him away. Hit him.”

Kathryn nodded her head. 

“You’re not in any trouble, B’Elanna,” Kathryn assured her. “But, for the moment, neither is he. I feel like there’s something more to this and I’d like the chance to look into a little deeper before I make my decision about how I want to handle everything. In the meantime, I’d like you to take your R and R, if you feel like it might help you, to get your head together or steady your nerves.”

B’Elanna looked a great deal calmer than she had before Kathryn had managed to get her into the doctor’s private office to talk. She shook her head. 

“I’m fine, Captain,” B’Elanna assured her. “I’d really rather get started with the extraction process. It’s going to take a couple of days.”

Kathryn believed B’Elanna. She would probably be fine. She was still a little wound-up, but she was calmer than she had been. There was a good chance that she would continue to calm down and keeping her mind occupied might certainly help with that. 

“OK,” Kathryn said. “You know what you need better than I do. But I want you to know that you’re free to take your R and R whenever you’re ready. Commander Chakotay will rearrange the duty rosters. All you have to do is let him know that you’ve made a decision. The project will still be there waiting on you when you get back. We’ll get it started, but you’re the head officer on this.”

“At the moment, Captain, I’d rather work,” B’Elanna said. “I can take my break while my team is working on refitting the warp coils.”

Kathryn nodded her acceptance and understanding. 

“Use who you need,” she said. “I’ll let everyone know that we’re going to spend a few days idling around these belts until we’ve got what we need and gotten rid of the waste. I’ll try to come down and help you in the lab after I’ve take care of this situation.”

“No,” B’Elanna said quickly. “Forgive me, Captain, but we haven’t completed a full analysis of the rocks yet. With the extraction process—you don’t want to risk being exposed to something that could potentially be harmful.”

Kathryn nodded her head and offered B’Elanna a smile since she looked more concerned over Kathryn’s reaction to what she’d just said than she had over the reaction that Kathryn might have to her having injured Ensign Vorik.

“Understood,” Kathryn said. She patted B’Elanna’s shoulder affectionately. “You’ll give me a full report when the analysis is done and we’ll go from there.”

“Captain,” B’Elanna said quickly, “I didn’t mean to overstep my boundaries.”

“You didn’t,” Kathryn assured her. “If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else making the suggestion. You were only looking out for me. For her. And that’s what we do. We’re family.” 

B’Elanna visibly swallowed and nodded her head. Kathryn knew enough about B’Elanna to know that the woman felt herself to be very much alone. Maybe she’d always felt somewhat alone in the world. The idea of having a real, close-knit family on Voyager appealed to her a great deal more than she could or would ever admit. B’Elanna was starting to show her desire to have that family by doing all she could for the ship and crew. She felt particularly close to Chakotay and, now, Kathryn by extension, perhaps. She had a particular interest in their little one. Her newfound interest in her new and budding “family” was helping to keep B’Elanna grounded and Kathryn wanted her to know that she had that family that she desired and that she was appreciated by it. 

“Give me a full report as soon as you have one,” Kathryn repeated. “As I said, I’d like to know the detailed composition of the rocks. Pull anyone you want to work with you. The whole crew is open to you. We’ll idle around the belts and give you as much time as you need for as long as it’s safe.”

“What about Ensign Vorik?” B’Elanna asked. 

Kathryn felt relieved to see that B’Elanna’s earlier anger had been replaced with concern for the young Vulcan. 

“I’ll get an analysis of my own going,” Kathryn said. She laughed to herself. “This one shouldn’t exactly put the baby at any risk. I believe that we’ll find some explanation for why Ensign Vorik behaved the way that he did.”

“He’s not normally like that, Captain,” B’Elanna offered. “He’s—he’s really a good engineer, even if he’s got a lot to learn. He takes orders well. He’s never a problem.”

Kathryn nodded her understanding. 

“I thank you for that character assessment,” Kathryn said. “Especially in light of what just happened. I’ll look into things. When I’ve got some answers, I promise you that I’ll take appropriate action. I will keep you informed of how the situation is being resolved.”

B’Elanna nodded. Now that she was almost entirely calm, she seemed to be seeing things a little differently. 

“I hope you find something, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “I want there to be some kind of explanation for this. I feel like there has to be. It was entirely unlike Vorik to do what he did. I might have expected something like that from some other crew members—especially if they’d been drinking or something—but I absolutely never would have thought he’d do anything like that. I hope it can be explained. I’d hate to lose him in engineering.”

“I understand,” Kathryn said. “We’ll do our best to find out what’s going on and take care of it.”

B’Elanna nodded. She raised her eyebrows at Kathryn and held her eyes.

“But—if there isn’t an explanation, Captain, and he does something like that again? I’m sorry, but I’ll break his jaw.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“I’m sure that Ensign Vorik is aware of that now,” Kathryn said. “You nearly did that already from what I’ve been told. We want to avoid violence, B’Elanna—all of it—among crew members. For the time being, I’d like you to give me a chance to see if we can find an explanation for his actions. I’d like for you to give me the opportunity to resolve this conflict peacefully. And I’d like for you to get started on the work that lies ahead. I’ll do what I need to do to make sure that there’s some repercussion for what happened to you, and to make sure it doesn’t happen again—and you do what we need you to do for Voyager.”

“Aye, Captain,” B’Elanna confirmed. 

Kathryn smiled at her.

“And get me that composition analysis as soon as you can,” Kathryn said. “I’d like the chance to work in the lab with you, at least a little, on this—if it’s safe, of course.”

“Of course,” B’Elanna echoed. “I’ll get that to you as soon as a full analysis is complete.”

“Dismissed, Lieutenant,” Kathryn said.

B’Elanna’s only response was a quick partial smile and a slight tilt of her head before she left the doctor’s office and, without making any kind of eye contact with neither the doctor nor Vorik, left sickbay to get started on her work. Kathryn watched her go, stood up from where she was leaning against the doctor’s desk, smoothed her uniform, and started into the main area of the sickbay to see if the doctor might be able to shed a little light on the situation for her. 

She wasn’t accustomed to playing detective, but a Captain had to wear many hats—especially in the Delta Quadrant.


	63. Chapter 63

AN: Here we are, another chapter. I was able to get this one out fairly quickly after the last. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“It’s the Pon Farr,” the doctor said. Kathryn had pulled him into his office so that they could speak privately as soon as B’Elanna left the sickbay. “It’s part of the Vulcan reproductive cycle. It takes place every seven years and this is Ensign Vorik’s first time experiencing it.”

“Reproduction?” Kathryn asked, musing to herself more than posing a genuine question to which she expected an answer. The doctor nodded his head in response. “He sincerely wants to mate, then. And he’s chosen B’Elanna.”

“It’s more than simple desire, Captain,” the doctor said. “It’s a need. An irresistible compulsion for a Vulcan. I know enough about Vulcan medicine to know that the Pon Farr, if it isn’t resolved, can be fatal.”

Kathryn’s stomach churned. She shook her head at the doctor.

“I certainly don’t want anything to happen to Ensign Vorik,” Kathryn said. “But B’Elanna has given her answer. I can’t force her into anything and I wouldn’t if I could.”

“I understand, Captain,” the doctor said. “I wouldn’t expect you to. It simply means that we’re going to have to explore other options.”

Kathryn walked out of the doctor’s office and made her way over to where the Vulcan was sitting and gripping the sides of the biobed. He was showing none of the expected calm and control of his species at the moment. 

“Ensign,” Kathryn said, “I understand that you’re experiencing the Pon Farr.”

“I don’t want to discuss it,” Vorik growled at her.

“Captain, we know so little about the Pon Farr because it is a highly private part of a Vulcan’s life,” the doctor offered.

“I respect that,” Kathryn said. “And I do respect privacy, but I’m inclined not to hold it in such high regard when the life of one of my crew members is at stake. Ensign Vorik—I understand your desire to mate. I know a little about the biological drive to mate in humans and I’m learning more and more about it in other species. Lieutenant Torres has given you her answer. She does not want to mate with you. I hate to seem indelicate in a time such as this, but will any mate do or does it have to be a specific mate for you to resolve your Pon Farr?”

“Mating for Vulcans is usually arranged,” the doctor offered when Ensign Vorik made no move to respond. 

“I had an arranged mate,” Vorik confirmed. “But she will have taken another mate. Besides that, the distance between us makes that arrangement impossible.”

“Therefore he chose a new mate from those available to him upon Voyager,” the doctor filled in when the Vulcan fell silent.

Kathryn swallowed and made sure to swallow down any humor she might feel over having to deal with such a situation. The Pon Farr was not a laughing matter, but standing there and trying to figure out, essentially, how to get her young crew member laid did spark a bit of amusement deep inside her. 

“Can you choose again?” Kathryn asked. “Why B’Elanna?” She added when no immediate response was given.

“She is a worthy mate for me,” Vorik responded. “She fulfills all the criteria that I seek in a mate. Forgive me, Captain, but were you an available mate, you would be worthy.”

“Clearly our young Ensign Vorik has a taste for women in command,” the doctor said. 

“I’m not available. And B’Elanna has made it clear that she’s not interested. Can you choose again? Surely there are a lot of women on Voyager that are worthy mates. Is there anyone that you can think of who might share your...feelings or interests? Anyone who might reciprocate your interest to mate with them?” When Vorik simply glared at her in response to her inquiry, Kathryn nodded her understanding. “The heart wants what the heart wants,” she mused. “But what you want isn’t available to you. Is there another way to resolve the Pon Farr?”

“I will handle my affairs on my own,” Vorik said. “Release me to my quarters.”

Kathryn sighed and looked at the doctor. She gestured back toward his office.

“Doctor?” 

He followed her without the need for a more direct request. His office provided them, once more, with some privacy.

“I’m not sure how to interpret the fact that he believes he can handle this himself. I think it’s pretty clear that we’re at an impasse here. The only thing that you can do is talk to the only other Vulcan that we have on Voyager to look for a good way to resolve this,” Kathryn said. “Until you know more about what you’re dealing with, I’d prefer that the ensign remain in sickbay.”

“Aye, Captain,” the doctor responded. 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“Keep me informed,” she said, already knowing that he would. 

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“Come in,” Kathryn said. She laughed to herself when she saw the smile on Chakotay’s face. She relaxed. His expression told her that this was a personal visit and had nothing to do with any of the work plates that she was busy trying to keep in the air. 

“I’ve heard that you’ve had quite the adventure going on,” Chakotay said. 

“Word travels fast,” Kathryn teased.

“It’s a small ship,” Chakotay said. “And Tom just went to check on B’Elanna before stopping by the bridge.”

“To gossip,” Kathryn said.

“To make sure we didn’t need anything,” Chakotay said. “Taking R and R by yourself can be trying. I think he’s volunteering to work with B’Elanna in this whole separation project as part of his time off from his regular job.”

Kathryn gestured toward her screen.

“I’m following some of the progress,” she said. “It’s going to possibly keep us here for a week, which I don’t like, but it looks promising. If it works, we won’t have to worry about the warp core cells for another two years or so. They’re also looking into making alternate power sources with some of the extra elements that they’re extracting from the rocks.”

“Any and all of that is well worth spending a week in peaceful space,” Chakotay said. 

“I’m almost dying to get in there and help,” Kathryn admitted. “B’Elanna insists, though, that they haven’t finished a full analysis yet so it’s really better if I keep the baby out of there.”

“And she’s absolutely right,” Chakotay said.

“Enough people are passing in and out of that lab that we’re not containing anything if it turns out there’s anything that needs to be contained.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Secondhand exposure is better than direct exposure,” he said.

Kathryn hummed.

“I guess it could be worse. I could be stuck playing Vulcan matchmaker,” Kathryn said. “Is Tuvok back yet?”

Chakotay shook his head. 

“He’s still with the doctor. I was down in the mess hall handling a call from Neelix. Harry’s had the bridge most of the morning, but there’s nothing happening. I think he’s bored to death. He’s ready to help B’Elanna as soon as someone relieves him.”

“What’s wrong with Neelix?” Kathryn asked, steering the conversation back to the part that had most caught her attention.

Chakotay shook his head. 

“Nothing really,” he said. “He needed a little amateur help with the replicator. Since everyone is so busy, I thought I’d help. Harry could have done it, but I thought I’d just walk down there to stretch my legs and tinker with it. To be honest, I was getting a little bored on the bridge with nothing to do. It didn’t take long. I couldn’t help but notice, though, while I was down there, that there was no shortage of off-duty matchmaking taking place over a late lunch. It seems Ensign Vorik isn’t the only crew member around here that’s actively seeking a mate.”

“Maybe we’ve been a bad influence,” Kathryn said with a sigh. “I still don’t know, sometimes, if we’ve done the right thing by being open with our relationship.”

Chakotay laughed.

“She’ll show herself soon enough and they would know, even if we’d tried to keep her a secret. Besides, we knew it would happen and we’re going to need the children as replacement crew. Maybe this is just the start of that new era on Voyager. There could be worse things that we have to deal with than love among our crew members.” Chakotay shook his head. “If they’ve found even a fraction of the happiness that I’ve found, I couldn’t ever deny them the chance to pursue it.”

Kathryn smiled at Chakotay’s words and then sighed again.

“It’s just that relationships and feelings—having something to lose. They make us more vulnerable.”

Chakotay walked around her desk and helped Kathryn up so that he could gather her into his arms. 

“It’s already too late for that,” he said. “We’re all out here alone. We’ve only got each other. We all care about each other and we’re all going to be vulnerable—if that care truly causes a vulnerability. We don’t know how long it’ll take us to get home. We don’t even know if we’ll all make it home. We’re doing our best, but the Delta Quadrant is unknown to us and life’s always been unpredictable at best. We might as well get all the good out of this life that it has to offer—no matter how long it lasts. Love, relationships, and family—they’re some of the best things that life has to offer us. I know they’re the best things in my life.” 

Chakotay kissed her and Kathryn sunk into the kiss, enjoying it far more than she anticipated. A jolt ran through her body and, when Chakotay pressed his body against hers, she could feel that something clearly had his attention as well. 

“Pon Farr?” Kathryn teased when Chakotay pulled away from her and looked at her. There was an unmistakable look of lust in her husband’s eyes. 

“Not quite,” Chakotay said. “But there isn’t much going on. Everything’s clear. We’ve got a few minutes before anyone needs us or misses us.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. Her own response genuinely surprised her as though she were acting from somewhere outside of herself. She wrapped her hand around Chakotay’s and tugged him toward the couch in her ready room.

“Computer, lock the door,” Kathryn commanded. “Commander—keep your voice down. Let’s not take too long. This is an in-and-out mission.”

Chakotay smile and his cheeks darkened as he allowed Kathryn to lead him.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” he responded.


	64. Chapter 64

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The project of separating the components out of the rocks they’d found had barely been underway for a full day before it seemed like the stress of the whole thing was starting to get to B’Elanna.

As long as they were idling around and in no immediate danger, there was a great deal of repair and simple maintenance work that could be done on the ship. It certainly wouldn’t hurt them to catch up on things that had gotten pushed farther and farther down the proverbial list as more urgent things arose. Everyone had some way to keep busy. If anyone was bored, it was only because they chose to be. Tuvok was busy trying to help the doctor and Vorik to reach a resolution for Vorik’s Pon Farr. Both Kathryn and Chakotay were dealing with calls to handle minor disagreements that broke out between crew members who were very long overdue for some genuine shore leave—which they weren’t likely to get for a very long time. 

Kathryn felt like she’d been bouncing from one task to another since her feet had hit the floor that morning. She wasn’t entirely shocked to get the call, as soon as she’d sat down for just a moment in her ready room to catch her breath, that there was another issue that needed to be resolved—and hopefully sooner rather than later. 

What surprised Kathryn wasn’t that there was a problem, but rather it was the nature of the problem. 

Frustrated with either the project or the crew, B’Elanna’s Klingon side had apparently gotten the best of her for at least a moment. She’d started raging against everyone that was working with her until they’d all simply left the lab. They’d started, almost immediately, filling Kathryn’s desk with complaints filed about the incidents. 

Even though he was supposed to be on R and R, Tom hadn’t sounded too bothered when Kathryn had contacted him to ask if he might take the assignment of going into the lab to try to talk to B’Elanna. Maybe he could get her to calm down and get her to take a well-needed break. Kathryn wasn’t sure how much B’Elanna had slept or eaten since the rocks had been beamed onto Voyager, and she knew that, even if it was easier for B’Elanna to go long stretches without food and sleep than it was for others, both of those things would eventually take their toll and affect her mood.

Tom had been more than happy to take his new “assignment,” especially since he seemed to be more annoyed by his R and R than he was pleased by it, and he’d left Kathryn’s ready room with a smile on his face that had stretched nearly from ear to ear. Now he wasn’t exactly smiling and he’d bypassed sickbay to give his verbal report to Kathryn and Chakotay immediately following the incident that had him demanding a meeting with the both of them.

“She bit me!” Tom declared. The very clear bite mark on his cheek backed up his story. “I was trying to talk to her and she was ignoring me for a minute. It was like I wasn’t there at all. Then she practically jumped at me and bit me on the face.”

Kathryn didn’t have to speak to Chakotay to know what he was thinking. She was almost positive that they both thought of the exact same thing at the exact same moment. When Chakotay started to speak and clearly didn’t know where to start, Kathryn knew that she hadn’t read him wrong and her knowledge, however limited, of Klingons wasn’t wrong.

This was something of a delicate situation. 

“Tom—I don’t mean to pry into your—well, into your personal affairs, but was there anything going on between the two of you? Before B’Elanna bit you, I mean?” Chakotay asked.

“Going on?” Tom asked. “I told her she needed a break. She looked really stressed out. She needed something to eat. It was like she wasn’t listening to me at all. It was like she couldn’t hear me. Then I told her the project wasn’t going anywhere and that she could take a break with me. That’s when she bit me.”

Chakotay laughed to himself, but it wasn’t from sincere humor. 

“Biting on the face, like that, is the Klingon way of declaring a chosen mate and initiating—well—initiating the mating ritual with that chosen mate,” Chakotay explained.

“B’Elanna wants to mate with me?” Tom asked.

“And it would appear that she isn’t being subtle about it,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn shook her head. 

“This doesn’t seem right,” Kathryn said. “It doesn’t seem like B’Elanna...”

“I beg your pardon!” Tom said quickly and, perhaps, more sharply than he even intended. 

Kathryn shook her head again, this time at Tom.

“I don’t mean her choice of a—of a mate, Tom. I mean the way it’s all happening. B’Elanna has a temper, and we all know that, but she’s been so difficult during the last two days that I have a stack of complaints that’s almost as tall as I am. They’re all from crew members that she’s worked fine with in the past. She hasn’t had trouble with most of these people since she came onboard Voyager. But, now, she’s suddenly started to fight with every single crew member that crosses her path. And B’Elanna, even if she’s not a fan of Starfleet rules and regulations, is a pretty private and discreet individual. But now she’s chosen you as a mate and initiated a mating ritual in the lab? Instead of somewhere more—conventional? Private? It just doesn’t feel like B’Elanna to me. It feels like there’s something else going on.”

“One of the calls I got this morning was from Neelix,” Chakotay said. “He caught two crew members that were...shall we say...expressing their feelings for one another in the pantry. I went down there to handle the situation for him. Discretion doesn’t seem to be at an all-time high right now.”

“It’s something more than that,” Kathryn said, standing up from her chair. “I’m going to see B’Elanna. I’ll escort her to sickbay. I’d like for the doctor to check things out. If it’s nothing more than a mating ritual, then you have my blessing—but not in the lab. Still, if it’s something else, we owe it to B’Elanna to find out what’s going on and do our best to help her. Who knows, it might benefit the whole crew in ways that we can’t even imagine at the moment.”

Chakotay caught Kathryn’s arm as she started to walk past him toward the door of her ready room. 

“Captain,” he said, letting her know that he was doing his best to address her professionally and with respect, “if B’Elanna has been lashing out violently at everyone that comes into her presence, it may not be the best idea for you to go in there right now. Not—not with the baby. Perhaps you should let me handle it.” 

Kathryn smiled at him and patted his shoulder. 

“I appreciate your concern, Commander. As my first officer, husband, and the father of my baby, I appreciate and understand your concern. I really do. But the baby is precisely the reason that I believe it should be me that goes in there,” Kathryn said. “B’Elanna has attacked everyone who has gone in there except Mr. Paris—and she initiated mating with him. Whatever her reasons are for feeling the way that she feels, B’Elanna has consistently been very protective of our little one. That protective instinct is the primary reason that I haven’t set foot in the lab yet. She’s been concerned about the possible effects of those rocks and their components on the baby. But we haven’t found any sign of anything in those rocks that could be dangerous and there’s no need for me to continue to stay out of the lab. I’m hoping that B’Elanna’s protective instinct will distract her a little from whatever’s going on with her. From whatever’s bothering her. Get her mind off of it because she’s more focused on her worry about the baby. Then, maybe that distraction will allow her to calm down enough to let me figure out a way to get her to sickbay. From there we can find out if we’re just dealing with some kind of kind of temper tantrum from a frustrated Klingon, or if we’re dealing with something more that needs to be addressed. In dealing with B’Elanna, the baby is my greatest asset at the moment.”

Kathryn always silently gave her crew members kudos for their impeccable timing in various situations. Before Chakotay could respond or come up with an argument against her plan, Neelix called for him over his combadge. Kathryn stayed where she was to overhear what it was that the Talaxian needed to convey to her first officer.

“Go ahead, Neelix,” Chakotay said. He sighed and gave Kathryn an expression that was only a little removed from rolling his eyes. Like her, he’d been hopping from one event to another all day and he was likely growing tired of it. 

“Uh—Commander?” Neelix’s voice stammered out over the communication line. “We have—it would seem that we have another—well, another situation. Uh—this time, it’s in airponics.”

Chakotay furrowed his brow and tapped his badge.

“Situation, Neelix?” Chakotay asked. “What do you mean?”

“Like this morning, Commander,” Neelix responded. “I think you might want to come down here.”

Kathryn laughed to herself when Chakotay made a face at her in response to Neelix’s request that he come down to airponics and, from what she could tell, break up an encounter between two terribly indiscreet crew members who had let their feelings get the best of them somewhere among their ship-grown vegetables.

“I’ll be right there, Neelix,” Chakotay said with a sigh. He shook his head at Kathryn as soon as the communication link had been severed. “For the chief morale officer, he certainly is doing a good job at ruining everybody’s fun,” Chakotay teased.

Kathryn laughed quietly to herself. 

“It seems like you’ve got work to do,” Kathryn said. “And for the second time today it’s a call about crew members being indiscreet. This really only increases my suspicions that something’s going on. Commander—take care of it as you see fit. We’ll talk about it once I’ve gotten B’Elanna to sickbay and heard what the doctor has to say.”

“At least take someone with you to wait outside the lab,” Chakotay said. “Just in case something happens and you need backup. B’Elanna’s been acting violently—outside of herself, really. There’s no shame in taking precaution.”

Kathryn nodded.

“I’ll take Tuvok,” she assured Chakotay. She looked to Tom, then. “Mr. Paris—report to sickbay to have that bite treated. Then, if you have any interest at all in discussing her...proposition...with Lieutenant Torres, you should wait there until we get there.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tom responded. “I’ll escort you to sickbay to find Tuvok.”

“Very well, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn responded. “Now—turn your head if you must or wait for me outside my ready room. I’m about to be indiscreet and give my husband a kiss before we go our separate ways.”

Tom’s cheeks ran a little red, but he smiled.

“A quick kiss is a good deal tamer than cheek biting,” Tom teased.

Kathryn laughed to herself. They all might as well do their best to have a sense of humor about everything that was taking place. It wouldn’t do any of them any good to get upset, after all. 

“Of course it is,” she teased back. “After all, we are on duty.”


	65. Chapter 65

AN: Hi everyone! Here’s another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“It would be better if you weren’t here, Captain,” B’Elanna said. Just as Kathryn thought she would, she was holding back her temper for the moment. Her fists were clenched by her side, though, and there was a great deal of warning in her voice. Kathryn slowly approached her. She was careful not to get too close and crowd B’Elanna. There was a look in the woman’s eyes that wasn’t entirely normal and the sheen of sweat clearly covering her skin only further confirmed Kathryn’s suspicions that there was something out of the ordinary going on with B’Elanna. 

Her emotions, at the very least, were elevated by something to the point where she was having more difficulty controlling them than she usually had.

“B’Elanna,” Kathryn said, focusing on keeping her voice calm and steady, “I need you to come with me. The project will still be here in a few minutes when you get back. I need you to come with me to sickbay.”

Kathryn had B’Elanna’s attention. B’Elanna flicked her eyes in Kathryn’s direction and Kathryn held her glance. B’Elanna’s eyes showed that she was tired and it looked like she didn’t feel well. Maybe she was feverish—something that would explain the sweat rolling out of her body. In her eyes, too, Kathryn saw an unhealthy amount of anger. The anger had to be coming from somewhere inside of B’Elanna since Kathryn had done nothing to anger or frustrate her and, despite their shortcomings, she couldn’t imagine that B’Elanna’s handpicked crew members had caused her so much grief that morning. 

“Is it the baby?” B’Elanna asked. Her teeth were all but clenched. She seemed to be fighting to get the words out, but she wanted to ask them badly enough that she would endure the struggle. “Is something wrong?” 

Kathryn swallowed. She decided that, in the face of some unknown ailment that was clearly causing B’Elanna a great deal of discomfort, a little deception could be forgiven later if it got B’Elanna to come along easily to sickbay. Kathryn didn’t want to try to give B’Elanna a direct order at the moment and she didn’t want to risk some kind of altercation with her. B’Elanna didn’t have the best track record for behaving normally this day and Kathryn didn’t want her to do something in a feverish fit that she would most assuredly regret later—something that they both might regret. 

A white lie was sometimes necessary.

“I don’t think so,” Kathryn said, choosing to keep from lying entirely. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong. But—I don’t know. It might be a good idea to be sure. I think—I think it would be best if you went with me, B’Elanna. I’d like you to go with me. I’m asking you as a friend, B’Elanna. I’d rather not order you as your captain. I’d like for you to come with me.”

B’Elanna held Kathryn’s eyes for a moment and then she closed the distance that Kathryn had put between them. Kathryn’s first instinct when she saw B’Elanna moving toward her so quickly was to back up. Instead, she held her ground and braced herself for some kind of physical encounter with her. If that was what it was about to come to, Kathryn at least wanted to be somewhat prepared. 

There was a moment of physical contact, but it was not at all what Kathryn had prepared for. When B’Elanna reached her, in a very personal and intimate move—one that was at least a little more personal than expected from her chief engineer—B’Elanna pressed her hand against Kathryn’s belly and held it there. Kathryn could feel the warmth radiating out from B’Elanna’s palm into her skin. She was almost assuredly feverish. Enough concern and emotion registered on her face that Kathryn felt sorry for misleading her at all. 

“Where’s Chakotay,” B’Elanna asked, her voice having softened from what it was before. The warning was gone from it. It had been replaced by a tenderness.

“He’s handling a situation in airponics,” Kathryn said. “We’ll call him if we need to. Will you go with me to sickbay? Then I’ll know for sure if I can—maybe I can help you with the extraction afterward. When we know that everything is OK. We’ll be able to get it done quickly. You and I. Efficiently. If I know for sure that everything’s OK, B’Elanna...”

Kathryn had B’Elanna’s attention and, at the moment, she was pretty sure that she could have her cooperation. She didn’t want to lose it, though, and she didn’t want to lose the connection that she’d made with B’Elanna. She kept her voice soft and even and she kept talking as B’Elanna settled into her decision over whether or not to honor Kathryn’s request. It seemed like everything Kathryn was doing was working, and B’Elanna was sincerely starting to calm. 

B’Elanna nodded. She looked around with something of a dazed look on her face like she was looking for something, but she couldn’t quite remember what it was. Kathryn gently put her hand on B’Elanna’s shoulder and B’Elanna dropped her own hand from where she’d kept her palm pressed against Kathryn’s only slightly rounded stomach. Kathryn urged B’Elanna toward the door. 

“We’ll go to sickbay,” Kathryn reminded her. “And then we’ll come back to the lab. Nobody will bother anything here. I’ll make it an order.”

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“It’s the Pon Farr,” the doctor said with absolute conviction in his voice. Despite the certainty that she could hear, Kathryn asked the question that she simply couldn’t seem to avoid. 

“The Pon Farr? Are you sure?” 

“I’m quite certain, Captain,” the doctor said. 

“I thought that was only something that happened to Vulcans,” Kathryn responded.

“Traditionally it is,” the doctor confirmed. “However, I’ve been seeing in nearly everyone that has entered sickbay today—no matter their species.”

To keep her story going, Kathryn had gotten the doctor to scan her as soon as she’d entered sickbay to make sure that exposure to unknown elements in the new samples hadn’t affected the baby. Just as she knew he would, the doctor had declared both she and the baby to be healthy. It had opened the door for Kathryn to suggest that B’Elanna be scanned—just for safety—as long as they were already in sickbay. Thankfully, having been distracted enough with her concern over Kathryn and Chakotay’s child, B’Elanna had calmed down to the point that she didn’t mind the suggestion half as much as she might have minded it back in the lab. 

It was the Pon Farr. 

“You’re saying that everyone on the ship is going through the Pon Farr?” Kathryn asked.

“Not everyone,” the doctor said. “But a great deal of crew members are going through it from what I can tell. There are some who are not being affected. For instance, I’m a hologram, so it cannot affect me. I would assume that you and Commander Chakotay are unaffected because you have the means to—well...to alleviate the Pon Farr before it becomes a problem. There are a number of individuals on the ship who are unlikely to be affected for one reason or another, and there are a lot who aren’t showing any signs yet, but it’s entirely possible that this is the beginning of a ship wide epidemic.”

“What do we do, Doctor?” Kathryn asked.

“There are three possible ways to remedy the Pon Farr according to Lieutenant Tuvok. Two of htem are not really that likely to work entirely in our favor. The first of the undesirable solutions is to rely on a very intense and focused meditation that can apparently be very difficult for even the most capable Vulcans. It is very unlikely that it could offer any relief for our non-Vulcan crew members.”

“What’s the other undesirable method, Doctor?” Kathryn asked. “Just so we’ve explored all our options.”

“If a Vulcan’s opportunity to mate with his chosen one is denied because of the presence of another potential mate, then they can fight for the intended and purge the fever that way,” the doctor said. “As you can imagine, even if that method is possible for all crew members, it would certainly be a less than desirable way for the whole crew to handle things.”

“Excuse me,” B’Elanna called from the main area of sickbay. 

They’d taken refuge in the doctor’s office to have some privacy, but they couldn’t keep B’Elanna waiting forever. The doctor had quarantined Vorik in his quarters for the time being and he’d asked Tom to leave until they were sure of what was going on with B’Elanna. With nobody except Kes to entertain her, they couldn’t expect B’Elanna’s patience to hold out for too long. 

“Doctor,” Kes said, appearing at the office door, “Captain. B’Elanna is getting impatient and we’ve just had three more people arrive with signs of the fever.”

“It’s not affecting you?” Kathryn asked, pointing at Kes. 

Kes shook her head.

“The fever seems to have no effect on the Delta Quadrant natives,” the doctor said, not allowing Kes the opportunity to verbally respond. “Neelix and Kes both appear to be immune to the Pon Farr.”

“Thank goodness for small blessings,” Kathryn said. “So what do we do, Doctor? Now that we know what we don’t want to do. What’s the solution?”

“To be honest,” the doctor said, “I believe the best thing we can do—and perhaps the only thing, Captain—is urge the crew to resolve this in the natural way as much as possible. And, truthfully, we should urge them to resolve this as soon as possible to avoid any ill effects of the fever.”

“You want me to encourage the crew to mate with each other?” Kathryn asked. “I can’t give that as an order, Doctor.”

“Maybe you don’t have to,” Kes said. “We’re still looking at other possible ways to get rid of the fever. Perhaps, if we simply explain to the crew what’s happening, then we can leave it open to them to decide how they want to handle things. Many of them seem to be choosing to handle things themselves, Captain, even without an explanation.”

“They’re following what they feel driven to do,” the doctor supplied. “We’ve had several cases that have been cleared up already.”

“It explains why we’ve been finding a great deal of indiscretion taking place,” Kathryn said with a sigh. 

“Other crew members may volunteer to help us with some testing and experimentation,” Kes said. “We might find some other possible solutions with their help. We’re already in the process of developing a few possible remedies. The ones who wish to seek an alternate treatment for the Pon Farr might help us if they understand what’s happening.”

“Of course,” the doctor said, “when you make the announcement, you should let the crew know that they are all welcome to come by sickbay for boosters if they’re not particularly inclined to take the path that you and Commander Chakotay have chosen to become parents at the present time.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and held it for a second. She let it out with a sigh.

“This is entirely outside of Starfleet protocol,” she said. 

“With all due respect, Captain, this isn’t a situation that Starfleet has ever had to deal with. This is the first time it’s ever happened. There’s no precedence for it in any of my medical databases. It’s possible that it’s only even occurring because of something in our surrounding atmosphere—something native to the Delta Quadrant. We’re working this out on our own. Perhaps our methods lack a little dignity or restraint, but we need to resolve this for the good of the crew. We know that this is the best chance we have—whether or not it suits Starfleet protocols.”

Kathryn nodded her head at the doctor. Whether or not they wanted to follow rules, there weren’t exactly rules to follow in this case. Ultimately this was going to come down to doing what was best for her crew.

“The crew members who come in here are suffering,” Kes offered. “It only seems fair to let them know that there’s a way to resolve that suffering if they’re interested in it. In the meantime, we’ll keep working on alternate solutions for those that would like them.”

Kathryn laughed to herself and rubbed at her shoulder. She could feel the tension growing in her muscles. 

“I’m just not really sure how I’m going to make this announcement,” Kathryn said. “I mean—I can make the ship wide announcement easily enough but, like the doctor said, this is entirely unprecedented. I’ve never had the chance before to even consider the words that I would use to explain something like this or suggest the solution that we know to be our best chance at resolving this. To be honest—I’m not entirely sure how to go about it.”

“Excuse me,” B’Elanna called from sickbay once more. She’d been asked to remain on the biobed and she was doing just that, but it was likely that she’d lose her restraint before long. There was a great deal of irritation in her voice at the moment over being left alone, but there was also some concern. 

Maybe even B’Elanna knew that there was something not quite right.

“What good fortune, Captain,” the doctor quipped when he heard B’Elanna speak again. “It looks like you’ve got an opportunity to practice your speech.”


	66. Chapter 66

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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There were many days when Chakotay did not envy his wife her position aboard Voyager. He was glad to always lend her an ear to listen, an eye to see things differently, a word of encouragement, or a shoulder to lean on as she might need it, but he didn’t envy many of the things that she had to do or the choices that she had to make. 

Tempers were flaring everywhere with the Pon Farr running rampant around the ship and Voyager was practically in a state of emergency as the fever continued to spread with even more ease than the common cold had once moved around Earth. 

Kathryn had handled her speech to the crew as professionally and diplomatically as Chakotay believed anyone would have been able. It wasn’t an easy thing to explain to the crew that what they had contracted could kill them and that their only choices to heal themselves were either to mate—with birth control boosters made available to them upon request—or to report to sickbay to help try to find a medical solution that they weren’t certain existed. 

The ship, for the time being, almost seemed empty. Those that were fever-free and could work were doing just that. There was no shortage of work to be done, though there was absolutely a shortage of crew members for the time being. Those who were infected had been given a vacation of sorts and had been sent to take care of their fever in the way that they found most agreeable. More crew members quietly appeared, from time to time, like ghosts. Every time that Chakotay entered a room or turned a corner, he felt like there was someone else coming out of hiding. Usually with a nod of the head, and without words because this didn’t seem to be the kind of thing that anyone wanted to discuss in great detail, they let everyone know that they were fine and they were ready to return to their duty. 

Everyone had somewhere to be and everyone had a job to do—and nobody wanted to really talk about their experiences with the Pon Farr.

Chakotay couldn’t remember having ever suffered from the fever, but he assumed that what the doctor suggested might be true. He and Kathryn, with their somewhat regularly enjoyed lovemaking, had likely solved their own problem before they were aware that they’d even come down with the Pon Farr. 

At the moment, Kathryn had the bridge. She’d asked for it and, after the morning that she’d had, Chakotay had been more than happy to indulge her by leaving her in complete control of the bridge and the few ensigns that she had working steadily under her. It was a time, without a doubt, to be happy that they were doing little more than idling at practically a standstill in peaceful space.

When Chakotay returned to the bridge, he would take over and Kathryn would probably head to the lab to help with the project that B’Elanna began earlier and would take over again as soon as she was in charge of her faculties. The doctor believed that one of the components that they’d isolated from the rocks was responsible for helping the Pon Farr to spread like it had, but the damage was done now and they had no proof that it wouldn’t have had the same effect from outside the ship, so they weren’t abandoning their efforts to use the rocks’ components to their benefit. They had determined, as well, that nothing else about the rocks seemed harmful or even particularly bothersome. Kathryn would be fine working with them and Chakotay wasn’t going to hold her back from doing something that would help them all if it wouldn’t prove harmful to her or the baby. 

At the moment, Chakotay had stepped away from the bridge and was taking a quick walk down to one of the consoles on Deck 12 to check on a problem that had been reported. He believed the solution to the problem was something as simple as disengaging a lever that had a tendency to jam, so he hadn’t felt the need to call anyone from engineering to come and help. There was always time for that, but it was better if he could handle the problem and leave them to their other tasks. Eventually they would come up with a long term solution to the problem, but today there were other things to worry about and Chakotay knew that a quick yank with a little more muscle behind it than the ensign had to offer would temporarily solve the issue. 

In a corridor that was proving to be quiet and seemingly abandoned, Chakotay wasn’t expecting Tom Paris to practically appear out of nowhere. Still, Tom came jogging down the corridor behind him and startled Chakotay by grabbing him on the shoulder. 

“There you are, Chakotay,” Tom breathed out. He’d apparently been jogging since he got off the turbolift. “The computer said I’d find you on Deck 12, but I have to admit that the direction it gave me was a bit off.”

“I took a couple of turns,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “Both of the consoles down here have their problems and it took some work to figure out that this is the one that I was coming to look at. What’s wrong, Tom?”

It was clear that Tom was coated in the sheet of sweat that seemed to be the glistening marker for those who were still suffering from the Pon Farr. At a glance it made it possible to know who had resolved their issue and who was still waiting for some kind of solution. Chakotay didn’t stop his steps toward the lever that needed to be loosened and Tom didn’t try to stop his forward progress.

“I needed to talk to you. In private. Man to man,” Tom said. “It’s about this whole—Pon Farr situation.” 

Chakotay glanced around him.

“I don’t have an open comline and it looks like we’re about as alone as we could ask to be,” Chakotay said. “What’s on your mind, Tom?” 

“It’s about B’Elanna,” Tom said. “I know that you’re her friend. I mean—you’ve known her longer than anyone and I guess...I just wanted your opinion.”

Chakotay felt his face run warm. The Pon Farr was a delicate topic of discussion, but it wasn’t like many of them had other places to run. If they wanted opinions, much like with everything else, they only had each other upon which they could rely. The Delta Quadrant, in far more ways than they could have ever imagined, was forcing them all together.

“Let’s hear it,” Chakotay said. “I can’t promise that I can give you the right answer, but I’ll certainly tell you what I think.”

“Well—I just want your opinion. With this whole Pon Farr thing—I just don’t know how to be sure that this won’t be something that she regrets in an hour or two. I mean—what if she’s only initiated the whole thing because of the Pon Farr? I don’t want her to feel like I’m taking advantage of her or the situation.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He reached the lever in question and, without answering Tom, he put the effort necessary into moving the lever and disengaging it. Immediately his combadge chirped and he was cheerfully thanked by the same ensign that had contacted him earlier to report the problem. Chakotay tapped his badge.

“You’re welcome,” Chakotay said. “It should be fine for now. I’ll get someone in engineering to have a look at it when things have calmed down a bit. For a while we can get by with simply putting a little more force behind moving it. Chakotay out.”

As soon as the link between him and the ensign had been severed, Chakotay looked back at Tom and smiled. He tried to swallow the smile before it could grow too broad. 

“I’ve never really thought of you as the kind of man that overthinks—offers—like this one,” Chakotay said.

Tom looked like he was struggling a bit with his own thoughts and words.

“Maybe I haven’t always been too concerned with the future before,” Tom said. “But—this is B’Elanna.”

Chakotay laughed quietly. 

“It actually makes me happy to hear you say that,” Chakotay said. “Still—I can’t tell you how B’Elanna’s going to feel about anything. What I would say, though, is to consider the situation.”

“What do you mean?” Tom asked. He glanced around them like he wanted to check and make sure that they were still alone. They were absolutely alone. Everyone had their own problems right now, and they were paying very little attention to those which belonged to others. 

“Let me tell you a little about my own experiences,” Chakotay said. “You said it yourself when the captain and I got back on Voyager and made our announcements to the crew. We were alone out there. As far as we knew, we were the only people we’d ever see again. Now—you could argue that it was that fact or some biological drive to procreate and, essentially, save the species that drove us to be together—and maybe you’d be right on some level—but the fact of the matter was that I loved Kathryn before we were left on that planet. And, at least to hear her tell the tale, she loved me too. Every now and again we have our moments where we discuss it. It crosses one of our minds that maybe, under different circumstances, things would have gone differently—and maybe they would have. But the point is that we know that we love each other. We love each other now, and we loved each other then. It doesn’t matter if there was something else going on that drove us to make the step that we hadn’t taken before, the result is the same and we’re happy for it. Neither of us would change it if we could.”

“So—you’re saying that we won’t regret anything,” Tom said.

“I’m saying that you have to consider what’s there without the Pon Farr,” Chakotay said. “If the Pon Farr is just nudging the two of you in some direction where you were already headed, then you probably won’t regret it. If this is something that neither of you ever expected...then it might be awkward later.”

“It’s not that we haven’t—you know—thought about it at all,” Tom said, “but B’Elanna is a little—reserved with her feelings. Most of the time, at least. Certainly—she’s not right now. I practically had to hide in a Jefferies tube to keep her from finding me until I could talk to you.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He raised his eyebrows at Tom.

“This stays between us,” Chakotay warned, “but our captain isn’t the most open person in the world about her feelings either. And that was especially true before that insect grounded us on New Earth.”

“That’s why I came looking for you to talk about this with,” Tom said. “I had a feeling that you might understand.”

Chakotay clapped Tom on the shoulder and squeezed. If the situation hadn’t actually been serious, given that the Pon Farr had the potential to be fatal if not resolved in a timely manner, he would have found the whole situation to be absolutely hilarious. 

“I understand,” Chakotay said. “I also know that—and if you repeat this as coming from me, I will know that it was you—sometimes women, at least some of them, can be a little on the unpredictable side. Talk to B’Elanna about it. That’s absolutely something you should do if you haven’t done it already. But ultimately? I think this is something that’s been coming for at least a little while. I also think it’s something that’s necessary. For your sake and for B’Elanna’s sake.”

Tom laughed to himself.

“You’re saying it’s my duty?” Tom asked. 

“In a matter of speaking,” Chakotay said. 

“And if she’s mad about it later?” Tom asked.

“Then you’ll talk to her about it,” Chakotay said. “You’ll find out why she feels the way she feels about it if she’s feeling negative or concerned. Then you’ll figure out, together, how to solve that. Relationships are full of those kinds of things, Tom. You better get used to it.”

“The Pon Farr is hardly a relationship,” Tom said. “Most people are just going back to work like—like nothing happened. Like it’s nothing more than a favor among friends.”

Chakotay laughed.

“And you and I both know that neither you nor B’Elanna is going to see it that way,” Chakotay said. “Whether or not you were either ready for it? I’d say that—if you go through with this? It’s the start of a relationship.” 

“And if I don’t go through with it?” Tom asked.

“I think we both know that’s not the direction you’re headed in,” Chakotay said. “But—if it were? Then it would probably be the deciding point that there isn’t going to be a relationship.” 

Tom sighed and nodded his head. Chakotay raised his eyebrows in question.

“Does that mean you’ve got an answer now?” Chakotay asked.

“As much of an answer as I’m going to find here on Deck 12,” Tom said. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go brush up on Klingon mating rituals.”

Tom rolled his eyes, but Chakotay couldn’t help but think that he didn’t exactly look like he felt like he was headed to his doom. There was a bit of a bounce in his step as he turned to walk away. Chakotay smiled to himself and let Tom get a few steps ahead of him before he started behind him.

“Good luck, Tom. I’ll walk you to the turbolift.”


	67. Chapter 67

AN: Hi everyone! I’m still knee-deep in real life chaos, but I haven’t gone anywhere. I promise that I’ll keep posting whenever I can. I appreciate you all being patient and continuing to read when I’m able to post. It means a lot! 

I hope that you enjoy the chapter! 

Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn had just started some light work in the lab—B’Elanna was going to need a little time to handle her situation and Kathryn could get started without her—when her combadge had chirped again and interrupted any hope she had of making progress. The doctor voiced a request that Kathryn come to sick bay as soon as possible to handle what he called “another situation.”

Kathryn had grumbled to herself the whole way to sickbay because she was simply exhausted. She felt tired and drained in general—even though she wouldn’t have dared to voice that to Chakotay or her crew— but the Pon Farr ordeal was also draining. She’d handled a staggering number of “situations” already and the day wasn’t even half finished. She could feel the irritation prickling at her skin as she’d waited for the doors to slide open to the sickbay.

But this situation turned out to be a little different than the others that she’d already sorted out.

“Captain, you have to do something! I cannot have this in my sickbay!” 

The doctor’s words had come at Kathryn practically the moment that the door had opened widely enough for her to hear what he had to say. She was only able to take in what was actually happening after she’d heard the doctor’s urgent pleas that she handle things.

Kathryn had to admit that even she was made nervous by the sight that met her eyes—a snarling Vulcan was facing off with an equally angry half-Klingon. It was enough to give anyone a start. Tom Paris seemed to be trapped in the middle of it all. He was standing his ground, though, and not backing away from the threats that Vorik was spitting at him.

Kathryn did what the doctor should have already done, and she touched her combadge to call Tuvok to the sickbay with a security crew. He’d come quickly with a small, yet reliable, security detail that was prepared to try to handle the situation that was beyond Kathryn’s control. Tuvok had also brought Chakotay with him, though Kathryn imagined that her husband had tagged along just to make sure that she didn’t accidentally get too close to things and end up in a dangerous situation.

Whether or not he stood a chance, Kathryn knew that Chakotay would go up against—without hesitation or even a second thought—any of the contenders there if he thought that there was any chance that they were going to physically harm Kathryn or the baby by extension. She didn’t want anything to happen that might escalate the situation. She hoped this could be resolved with as little trouble as possible. 

“Someone,” Kathryn said as soon as Tuvok and his chosen assistants were moving into their places to assess the situation, “better start explaining to me what’s going on.” 

“I have chosen my mate,” Vorik spat, never taking his eyes off Tom. “I have the right to challenge whoever would deny me my mate.”

“I have the right to deny whoever I want,” B’Elanna spat back at him. “And to fight for myself. I don’t need anybody to fight for me!”

“Technically, Captain, they’re both correct,” Tuvok said. “Ensign Vorik does have the right to issue a challenge as a way to purge himself of the Pon Farr. Lieutenant Torres has the right to choose her own defender—even if the person that she chooses is herself.”

“Not in my sickbay!” The doctor declared.

Kathryn sighed and pressed at her temple. Her head was starting to hurt and she was tired enough that she was beginning to feel a little dizzy. She felt like it had been months instead of hours that she’d been dealing with the Pon Farr and its effects on the crew—all of it beginning with the Vulcan who looked like he’d really like to fight with all of them.

“Lieutenant Torres,” Kathryn said. “B’Elanna, do you want to fight for yourself in this—this challenge?”

“No!” Tom declared loudly.

“Yes!” B’Elanna spat in response.

“Captain!” Tom yelled back, raising his voice louder than B’Elanna’s had been as though he believed that whoever yelled the loudest would win the disagreement.

Kathryn held her hand up in Tom’s direction.

“B’Elanna has the right to fight for herself. It’s her choice, Tom. I’m not going to deny her that,” Kathryn said. 

“Not in my sickbay!” The doctor declared once more. “Have you muted my microphone? This is a place for healing, not for brawling and roughhousing!” 

Kathryn waved away the doctor’s near panic. 

“I’m aware that this could easily get out of hand,” Kathryn said. “It’s got to be moved somewhere else if it’s something that’s really going to happen.”

“Captain, might I recommend the use of cargo bay two? There should be sufficient room for the challenge to take place there with limited risk of damage to any of the crew or surrounding equipment,” Tuvok offered.

Kathryn sighed and nodded her head. Her slight headache was now moving closer to being a pounding headache. She was getting tired—too tired. Her whole body was starting to feel heavy. She would be thrilled to see the end of all the Pon Farr nonsense—even if that meant letting everyone who wanted to fight pound on each other in the cargo bay until they all felt better.

“Very well,” Kathryn said. “Report to cargo bay two. This challenge—and any other challenge that has to take place to end all of this—can take place there. Tuvok? You’ll go with me to help ensure that everything is handled fairly and that nothing gets too far out of hand.”

“Aye, Captain,” Tuvok said.

When she started toward the doors to go to the cargo bay, Kathryn felt Chakotay’s hand touch her back. Tuvok wouldn’t be the only one that was going along to witness the fight and make sure that things went off without a hitch.

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Chakotay didn’t touch Kathryn after the first time that she’d squirmed away from him. He hadn’t taken it personally, either. She didn’t realize that she did it. The move had practically been involuntary. She didn’t realize that the doctor, armed with his mobile emitter and able to move freely to the cargo bay, was watching her as much as he was watching the fight that was taking place between Vorik and B’Elanna. She probably didn’t realize that, like Tom and several others in attendance, she was almost soaked with sweat. 

She was only focused on the challenge in front of her. She was ready to see the Pon Farr situation dealt with so that they could stock the ship with their new alternate power source and continue on their way. 

But Chakotay noticed it all. As soon as the fight was over, Vorik was calming, Kes was starting the rounds of caring for their new patients, and B’Elanna was in Tom’s feverish care. Chakotay got the doctor’s attention just before he moved to start helping Kes.

“Doctor, would you please scan the captain? I wonder if she hasn’t got a touch of the fever.” 

Kathryn looked at him like she might protest, but the doctor stopped her. 

“I don’t have to scan her, Commander,” the doctor offered. “It’s clear that she’s suffering from the Pon Farr. I would recommend, as well, a resolution as soon as possible. As far as I’m aware, there is no precedence for this sort of thing to tell us how this particular fever might affect your baby if the fever is left to burn too long.”

“Rest assured that this situation is unique,” Tuvok chimed in. He’d noticed Kathryn’s affliction as well and had slowly been moving closer to them. Now that the fight was over and there was no immediate danger, he’d turned his full attention to the safety of the person who, arguably, meant more to him than anybody else—at least in the Delta Quadrant. “I would advise that the Pon Farr be dealt with quickly in this case. The fever can become quite high and it would stand to reason that it would be very dangerous for an unborn baby. Commander, I will be happy to take command for the time being.”

Kathryn didn’t bother protesting because there was nothing to protest. If she’d tried, she wouldn’t have won. The doctor would have simply issued a medical order that she would have been forced to obey. She simply nodded her head, possibly realizing that she was feverish at that point, and asked Tuvok to keep her informed. Then she let Chakotay lead her to the corridor.

“How can I not have purged it by now?” Kathryn asked. She practically growled out the words as she allowed Chakotay to rest his hand on her back again and walk with her through the hallways. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. She couldn’t help her tone of voice. She was feeling more than a little aggressive and there was nothing she could do about it. The fever was simply starting to wash over her and bring with it the fire that it seemed to ignite in all of them who let it get even the slightest bit advanced. Chakotay had seen it enough in the past few days to know exactly what was happening, though he was certain that he’d purged it before it had ever burned too hot for him.

Looking back, he wondered if it really had been the Pon Farr that had driven him to go to Kathryn’s ready room and practically insist that they take advantage of a quiet moment together. 

“I guess it just didn’t hit you before,” Chakotay said. “It’s your turn now.”

“You’re not feverish,” Kathryn said. Her words came out as a cross between a question and a statement. 

Chakotay smiled to himself and stepped closer to her, brushing her with his body as they walked. He was going to ask her where she preferred to go, but she was clearly leading them back to their quarters, so Chakotay simply followed her.

“You can always make me feverish, Kathryn,” Chakotay teased. “And you can relieve any fever I’ve got.” They were alone, but he kept his voice low at any rate. “The Pon Farr doesn’t really matter that much to me. I’m always hot when you’re around.”

When they finally got into their quarters, Kathryn barely gave the doors time to close before she threw herself at Chakotay and kissed him hard enough that he tasted blood—though he wasn’t sure if it belonged to her or to him. Chakotay pushed her back enough to get air. 

He couldn’t help but smile at the way she was looking at him—like he was water and she’d been in the dessert for days. Her lips were pink from the hard kiss and her cheeks were flooded with color. She was already breathing heavily from the simple anticipation of what she knew was to come. 

“Take your clothes off, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. 

She smiled at him. There was something in the smile that sent a shiver through Chakotay like a shockwave. Immediately his body responded to it. She had the power to arouse his interest with nothing more than a certain movement of her lips. 

“Is that an order?” She asked, tipping her head to the side and raising her eyebrow at him.

“What do you want?” Chakotay asked. “Do you want it to be an order?” 

Kathryn nodded.

“It’s an order, then,” Chakotay said. For her benefit, he tried to put some authority behind his words. “Take off your clothes. Tell me what you want. Tell me how you want it.” 

“I want you,” Kathryn said, starting to follow his command to remove her uniform. “And I want you to want me.”

“I always want you, Kathryn,” Chakotay responded. He watched her undress partially before he started to follow suit. 

“I want you to—I want you to tell me what you want,” Kathryn said. “No—I want you to take what you want.”

Chakotay felt a wave of heat rise up in his face at her tone of voice and facial expression. His own breathing had picked up. Kathryn was completely naked in front of him and she was making no effort to cover herself. She wasn’t playing shy at all. 

She liked adventure and experimentation with him, and he liked it with her, too. 

He swallowed and nodded. 

“Go to the bed,” he said. “Wait for me. I’m right behind you.”

Kathryn smiled at him, clearly pleased that he wasn’t going to fight against her desires. He was willing to play just the way she wanted. She was entirely in control by deciding that it was him that should take control of her. Even feverish, it pleased her to no end to know that she could have exactly what she wanted with him—even if what she wanted was to let him take whatever it was that he might want. Chakotay bit back his own smile. 

“Go,” Chakotay said, putting as much authority behind his voice as he could muster. “Now! That’s an order, Kathryn.”

Kathryn’s smile only broadened a second before she swallowed it down.

“Aye, sir,” she said before she headed toward their bed. Chakotay was certain he saw something of a bounce in her step that hadn’t been there before as she sashayed away from him.

He smiled to himself and finished undressing slowly. He wanted to give her some time to wait on him. He wanted to give her time to anticipate everything that they both might want and all that might happen. They had time and they were, after all, under doctor’s orders to purge the Pon Farr. Both of them knew, when it was necessary, how to follow orders.


	68. Chapter 68

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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A nap in the middle of the day meant that Kathryn had a great deal of energy as the hours ticked on toward the time when they would normally sleep. With so much taking place on the ship, duty assignments were constantly being changed and flexibility was becoming the law of the land for some time. They were idling in the calm surroundings of the expanse where there was nothing happening around them. Tuvok remained on the bridge, with a small team who had already recovered from the fever, to keep watch over their sensors so that they wouldn’t be surprised by anything unexpected. Chakotay was practically patrolling the ship to help in any way that he could as they were trying to gather up anyone not dealing with the Pon Farr through “traditional methods” so that they could be taken to sickbay to test out what the doctor hoped would be a cure that he had created and synthesized. 

The lab was open and B’Elanna’s work had been left practically untouched since Kathryn had first pulled her away from it. Kathryn’s own efforts to get started in the lab had been immediately halted by yet another chapter in the Pon Farr saga that was overtaking Voyager for the moment, and she’d been kept from returning to the lab by her own suffering of the Pon Farr.

Now, though, she was fever free and refreshed. 

To keep busy, and to keep somewhat “out of the way” while everyone else was, hopefully, finishing up their dealings with the Pon Farr, Kathryn slipped down to the lab and started to work on the separation. The time ticked by without her noticing once she was deeply involved in the activity. She was making good progress, and that was a welcome feeling to her after the earlier sensation that very little was being accomplished since they’d discovered the possibility of this new power source.

It felt good to Kathryn, sometimes, to step out of a command setting and to get involved in something like the project at hand. 

When she heard the sound of the door swishing open, Kathryn expected to look up and find Chakotay coming in to check on her. It was likely time that he would try to coax her to eat a meal or even to go to bed. It wasn’t Chakotay that entered the lab, though. Instead of her husband, it was B’Elanna that caught the warm smile that Kathryn tossed in the direction of the door.

“Captain,” B’Elanna said with a nod of her head. 

Kathryn felt her cheeks run warm and she thought that B’Elanna flicked her eyes away for a second. They were all adults, but it was still clearly on everyone’s mind that what was actively taking place around them was a bit of a touchy subject for all of them. Kathryn and B’Elanna had both been excused from the cargo bay, at practically the same time, to handle different facets of their own Pon Farr.

“Lieutenant,” Kathryn greeted.

“I didn’t expect anyone to be in here,” B’Elanna explained.

“I’ve been the only one here,” Kathryn said. “I’m not much use on the bridge for the moment. We’re actually caught up on most of our work and we aren’t sitting on too many repairs that I can do. Chakotay wouldn’t hear of me helping to handle those that are in the more advanced stages of the Pon Farr and still waiting for a resolution. Working on the alternate power source was really the spot where I could be of the most use for now.”

“Your shift should be over,” B’Elanna said. “You should be off to rest, Captain.”

“I missed most of my shift,” Kathryn offered as B’Elanna fell into working near her. “Like you,” she added gingerly.

“I’m sorry,” B’Elanna said. “If—if I gave you the fever. I never meant to transfer it to you.”

Kathryn smiled to herself. B’Elanna had touched her affectionately. It was entirely possible that she’d transferred the Pon Farr to Kathryn since it seemed to travel easily by touch, especially if there was any strong feeling of attraction or affection behind that touch. Still, it didn’t matter how Kathryn had contracted the Pon Farr. It wasn’t a threat to her and it was taken care of. 

“It’s in the air,” Kathryn said. “No harm’s been done anyway.”

“I’m sorry if I—did anything,” B’Elanna said. “If I hurt you or…I remember being angry and frustrated, but I don’t really remember much that happened. I’ve heard a few stories about my behavior circling around through crew members in the corridors. I—I would hate to know that I did anything to you that I should regret. Tom didn’t really say too much about what he could recall beyond what happened with Vorik.”

“My memory is fairly clear,” Kathryn said. “I didn’t have the fever long. That’s all that happened. You yelled at everyone working for you until they all left the lab. You—well, you bit Tom. You didn’t hurt me. On the contrary, actually. You were quite—well, B’Elanna, you were quite protective of the baby. Me by extension.”

Kathryn looked away quickly so that B’Elanna wouldn’t see her smile over the fact that she saw B’Elanna’s face change its hue.

“Tom calls her the first baby,” B’Elanna said. 

“The ship’s baby according to Neelix,” Kathryn said. “Chakotay calls her our tiny captain.”

“They’re all right,” B’Elanna mused. “When Samantha Wildman had Naomi, I didn’t really think about it. She was pregnant when she came on the ship. She brought Naomi with her. But when you and Chakotay came back—we were worried that we’d never see either of you again. And then you were back and you brought her with you. Suddenly we were doing more than talking about a multi-generational ship. Chakotay was talking about—about how you planned to have more. You planned to really build a family here on Voyager.”

“We’ve both wanted a big family,” Kathryn said. “Four or five. Chakotay thinks it would be best to have them close together for socialization, especially if nobody else is feeling committed to the cause.”

B’Elanna laughed quietly to herself.

“I even told him that I would babysit,” B’Elanna said. “I’d be happy to. Naomi was the first baby born on Voyager. It feels like yours is the first baby that’s actually coming from everything that’s happening to us. She belongs to Voyager. She belongs to all of us. Starfleet and Maquis…”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“She does belong to everyone,” Kathryn said. “As will her siblings. Assuming that everything goes well, of course.”

“It will,” B’Elanna said. “It has to. We’ve all got a lot of hope riding on this. Hope for the future. I think –especially with all of this Pon Farr business—well, it’s got people thinking. At least it has me thinking. Can I ask you a question? As a—as a friend?”

Kathryn stopped what she was doing for just a moment. They were working well together. Even without discussing it, the two of them fell into working in harmony. B’Elanna paused what she was doing when Kathryn paused, as though they’d been working in sync for years instead of for moments.

“B’Elanna, you can speak to me any time as a friend,” Kathryn assured her. “What is it?” 

“You and Chakotay never planned for this to happen,” B’Elanna said.

It was a statement rather than a question, but Kathryn treated it as a question.

“We didn’t mean for any of it to happen,” Kathryn said. “Not the relationship or the baby. To be honest? I knew that I was attracted to Chakotay immediately. It didn’t take time for that to happen. But, with time, I came to know that I loved him – I don’t think I could help that – but I never intended to let that become anything more than something I knew in my heart. And I did want a family. I’ve wanted a family for as long as I can remember. But—we’re in the Delta Quadrant and we weren’t going to see Earth again for a very long time. I’m the captain. I have responsibilities…”

“But they don’t have to be mutually exclusive,” B’Elanna said. “A family and your duty.”

“I hope not,” Kathryn said. “Especially now. I think we can find a way for everyone on Voyager to have both—family and duty—if that’s what they want. It’s a personal decision for everyone to make, of course. Starfleet doesn’t really have protocols in place for this, but this is beyond Starfleet. We’re the first ship to make this journey. We’re going to have to do some things on our own—our way. The doctor reported that most of the crew requested boosters to their birth control before dealing with the Pon Farr. So, for the time being, it would appear that we’re not expecting much of a population boom.”

“Would you change it?” B’Elanna asked, slipping back into her work as Kathryn slipped back into hers. 

“Eventually I would like for there to be more children born on Voyager, and I certainly wouldn’t want to be the one trying to produce a whole new generation of crew members, but…”

“I mean the baby,” B’Elanna said. “Chakotay. I know you both expected to remain on that planet. If you knew then what you know now—that we would come back for you—would you change it?”

Kathryn considered it for a moment and sighed.

“I can’t pretend that I haven’t asked myself that question a dozen times or more. The crew has been so supportive. I’m sure that influences my feelings…”

“Everyone I’ve spoken to supports you and Chakotay having a family,” B’Elanna interjected. “They love the idea of it. They love both of you. They already love her.”

“If that weren’t the case,” Kathryn said, “I’m sure I’d feel differently. I am, first and foremost, the captain of this ship. I am going to get this crew home.”

“But everyone has to go off-duty eventually,” B’Elanna said. 

“Not the captain,” Kathryn said. “It’s not the same.”

“But you’re still human,” B’Elanna said.

Kathryn smiled, her hands keeping busy with their work.

“And the human part of me loves my crew as my family,” Kathryn said. “That human part? It’s the part of me loves my husband dearly and dreams about finally becoming a mother. That’s the part of me that could never allow the rest of me to say that I would change a single thing that’s happened.”

When she glanced at B’Elanna, the woman had paused in her work again and was smiling.

“I’m happy to hear you say that,” B’Elanna said. “For Chakotay, especially. He loves you so much. The crew—we support you. Both of you. Starfleet and Maquis alike.”

“And I support my crew and their decisions,” Kathryn said. “Even though I no longer make distinctions between Starfleet and Maquis. My crew is my crew. Other than your concern for Chakotay—and your unwavering support for our daughter—was there any reason you asked? Anything you’d like to talk about? As a friend?”

B’Elanna stood quietly a moment and let Kathryn wait. They both kept working even once B’Elanna started to make the first sounds of the stopping-and-starting response that she finally offered.

“I—helped Tom with the Pon Farr. I guess—we had a lot to talk about. Some of it was—well, it was something I’d never let myself think about before. Maybe some of my thoughts—what I’m thinking—comes from the fever, but maybe some of it comes from seeing you and Chakotay and seeing how happy you really are.”

“May I ask what you’re thinking?” Kathryn asked.

“I took the booster,” B’Elanna said. “I asked for it from the doctor. But—I don’t know if I will again.”


	69. Chapter 69

AN: Here we are, another chapter!

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“I don’t know if the universe is ready for the biological offspring of Tom and B’Elanna,” Chakotay teased. Kathryn was doing the ten thousand things that she seemed to need to do every night in order to feel like she was ready for bed. Chakotay had already finished his nightly routine, so he watched her from the bed as she darted here and there while she worked her way through her own routine. While she crossed things off the mental checklist that she was undoubtedly following, she debriefed Chakotay on everything that had happened during her day—everything that would never make it to any kind of official log. Most of what had happened would never make it to an official report any more than the nature of the sex that they’d chosen to relieve Kathryn’s afternoon Pon Farr fever. The logs weren’t exactly doctored these days, but they certainly weren’t all-inclusive.

“The doctor gave everyone a month’s dose,” Kathryn said. “We’ve already made it clear that all the crew members are free to mate with anyone that they’re compatible with—biologically and emotionally—as long as everyone is consenting. It’s the doctor that will have the final word on who is biologically compatible, of course, but otherwise they’re free to make their own choices.”

“I wasn’t going to actually suggest that we try to regulate anything,” Chakotay said. “Mostly I was just teasing about—about what it would be like. It’s hard to imagine the two of them with a baby.” He hummed to himself and sat up a little in the bed to watch Kathryn as she slipped back into the bathroom again. This time he could hear enough to know that their own baby had sent her back to relieve herself once more. He was hopeful that it was a sign that she’d be coming to bed soon. He waited to speak again until she was washing her hands. “I can’t really wrap my head around what Voyager might be like after the baby boom that could certainly follow all of this.”

“As far as I know,” Kathryn said, coming back out of the bathroom, “B’Elanna is the only one considering having a baby right now.”

“She’s the only one who told you about it,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn hummed.

There was a very good chance that, in a crew the size of theirs, there was a great deal going on in the personal lives of crew members that they knew nothing about. Not everyone was rushing to tell the captain and the first officer exactly what was on their mind when it came to their personal lives.

“I think it would be wonderful,” Kathryn said. “B’Elanna and Tom, I mean. If it happened right away, B’Elanna would be pregnant with me—at least for part of the time. Naomi’s growth pattern makes her too old to be a perfect playmate for our daughter. But if Tom and B’Elanna had a child, the growth pattern would be the same as our daughter’s. It would be perfect. They could grow up together.”

Kathryn had clearly finished what she had to do. When she headed toward the bed, Chakotay lifted up the edge of the blanket to invite her in beside him. She slipped under the cover and immediately slid over to close the distance between them. As long as they were just resting there, Chakotay changed his position and rearranged himself so that he could lie on his side and offer her the soft kisses at random intervals that always made her smile. She lifted his hand and gently placed it over the soft and warm space where he knew their daughter was nestled in her mother’s body. Chakotay patted her in response to her silent request that he rest his hand there, and Kathryn smiled to herself before accepting one of the kisses that Chakotay offered her. She turned her lips to him so that she could return the kiss.

“You’re predictable,” Kathryn said softly. “And I love it.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Reliable. Steadfast. Dependable. They’re all words used to mean predictable without the negative connotation that typically goes with the word,” Chakotay said. He rubbed his hand over Kathryn’s belly again and she covered his hand with her own.

“I don’t mean it negatively,” she said. “Never. I’m predictable too.”

“Sometimes,” Chakotay ceded. “I don’t know if Voyager is ready to handle you and B’Elanna pregnant at the same time. It might be better for them to wait and give all of us a fighting chance. Otherwise you might be the only two left standing on the crew.” He quickly added “I’m teasing” when Kathryn playfully swatted him and clearly dedicated herself to trying to decide whether or not she was genuinely offended.

“Well if we’re having the family that we talked about then I’m bound to be pregnant at the same time as any number of crew members in the next—well, at least six or seven years,” Kathryn said. “But if you’ve changed your mind on our family...”

Chakotay kissed her to steal her words and swallow them down before she could let more of them escape and, even accidentally, pollute the calm air around them. She was somewhat teasing, but she had the potential to accidentally upset herself with that teasing. 

“Never,” Chakotay assured her. “I will never—never—change my mind about you or our family. Not one single piece of it. And I think it would be great if you had someone to share the whole experience with—if not this time, then the next.”

“And if it’s B’Elanna?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself and pulled Kathryn tighter next to him. He rubbed his hands over her skin and she snuggled into him with a satisfied groan. Chakotay kissed her face.

“Then we’ll all take care of our very own quarter-Klingon the same way that we would any future family member,” Chakotay assured her.

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AN: Short time jump.

Kathryn touched her combadge again.

“Lieutenant Torres, report,” she commanded.

“Everything is looking great, Captain,” B’Elanna responded. There was more happiness and enthusiasm in her voice than Chakotay had heard in a very long time. It was something of a maiden voyage for them, though, and everyone was holding their breath to find out if the power supply they’d created from the pebbles they’d found was really going to be enough to replenish everything that Voyager needed. “Power readings are holding steady throughout the ship. We have full power now and more in reserve. Warp engines are online and there’s nothing that appears to need my attention at this time.”

Kathryn smiled. It was good news. It was excellent news, really. The space pebbles, as they called them, had given Voyager more that they’d even imagined they would when they’d done their first components analysis. 

“Very good, Lieutenant,” Kathryn said. “Keep me informed. I want to know immediately if there’s anything unexpected.”

“Aye, Captain,” B’Elanna responded. 

“Mr. Paris, how long before we’re clear of the expanse?” Kathryn asked.

“About half an hour at Warp 8, Captain,” Tom responded.

“Hold our speed and our course,” Kathryn said. 

“Aye, Captain,” Tom said, not trying to disguise his smile at all.

“How does it look out there, Mr. Kim?” Kathryn asked, continuing her checks.

“All clear as usual, Captain,” Harry responded. “There’s nothing surrounding us. Sensors are not picking up any ships or planets.”

“Can we see what we’re heading into?” Kathryn asked.

“There is nothing on long-range sensors at this time,” Tuvok offered. “They’re showing the space beyond the borders of the expanse to be as clear as the expanse has been. There appear to be no planets or ships in the surrounding area.”

Kathryn was clearly pleased with that report. It meant that they had at least a little longer to enjoy the peace—free from hostile encounters—that they’d enjoyed in the Nekrit Expanse. None of them were foolish enough to believe that it would last forever, but they would enjoy it while it did last. 

“All the reports are in, Captain,” Chakotay said. “All of the repairs are complete. All systems are at one hundred percent.” He smiled at her when Kathryn smiled at him. “She’s almost as good as when you took her out for the very first time,” Chakotay said. “We can’t ask for much better than that.”

Kathryn sighed, but it was clearly a sigh of peace. Still, she shifted around in her seat again. She’d practically been squirming in her seat all morning. She crossed and uncrossed her legs. She got up suddenly and went quickly to her ready room. Chakotay assumed that she’d gone to relieve herself. When she returned to the bridge, she walked several brisk laps around the bridge. She stopped briefly at every console and squeezed shoulders or offered some words before she began her loop again. Chakotay watched her out of the corner of his eye. He saw, as well, his crew members occasionally tossing glances in his direction that he didn’t address. Kathryn had been doing this all morning, to some degree. Chakotay thought it might be nerves, but they were well underway now and all the reports had been positive. Her nerves should be subsiding at least a little.

They had spent a lot longer idling in the expanse to finish their work than they’d originally planned to spend there, but they’d accomplished so much that nobody was counting the time as lost. The crew had time to recover from the stresses they’d encountered before, the ship had been thoroughly cared for, and they now had energy that they’d desperately needed and they had it in excess. 

Kathryn didn’t need to be nervous. If anything, she had the right to feel on top of the world at the moment.

She’d barely sat down in her chair for five minutes before she popped up once more and walked a circle around the bridge again. She stopped at every console, peered over shoulders, and then quickly walked toward her ready room, once again, without a word to anyone. It didn’t matter, though, because she came back out of the ready room, crossed the bridge, and sat down in her chair before anyone could even comment on—or hardly notice—her absence. They would have never noticed that she’d left if they hadn’t been watching her movements from one place to another, but they were all watching her movements.

As soon as she sat, she crossed her legs, picked up her PADD, and started to read. She seemed to settle and everything got quiet as they all waited for what might come next. They waited for the sensors to pick up something. They waited for Tom’s announcement that they’d cleared the borders of the expanse. They waited for something, even if none of them quite knew what it was. 

Seeing Kathryn settled, Chakotay sat back in his own chair and continued his reading, though he somewhat kept one eye on Kathryn.

It took a little while longer than it had before, but she shifted again, squirmed a little in her chair, and then she frowned deeply at her PADD. 

She got up again and, without saying anything, she headed back in the direction of her ready room.

Chakotay had assumed that her unrest was owing to her nerves, but now he wasn’t so sure. This time, instead of simply following her with his eyes, Chakotay got to his feet. A quick glance told him that his move to action was well-approved among his crew members because heads that had been turned to watch Kathryn—all throwing questioning glances at Chakotay—now returned to watching their consoles.

Kathryn’s ready room door barely had the chance to close before Chakotay rang to announce that he was just behind her.


	70. Chapter 70

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I will admit that this chapter didn’t come out exactly as I’d hoped. I have written it multiple times and this is the final version. It’s not exactly what I wanted, and I’m sorry for that, but I still hope you enjoy it! 

Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn was standing in the middle of her ready room like she’d forgotten her reason for coming there when Chakotay entered. She looked at him with her brow furrowed in question, but she didn’t go so far as to give voice to her question about why he’d followed her into the room.

“Are you feeling OK, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked. “I wasn’t going to ask you out there, in front of the crew.”

Kathryn released a breath and laughed quietly to herself. Without answering Chakotay, she went over to her replicator and ordered it to produce her a cup of coffee, black, like she traditionally liked to enjoy the hot beverage. Immediately she cancelled her own request and then she stood there staring at the machine like she didn’t know how to proceed. 

Chakotay walked over and quickly put in the order for a decaffeinated black tea and, as soon as it was produced by the machine, he waved his hand at Kathryn to let her know that he’d ordered it for her. She thanked him with words that came out riding on her breath, and then she took the mug and walked directly to her ready room couch to sit a moment. 

“Are you feeling OK, Kathryn?” Chakotay asked again, choosing not to point out that she’d given him no response the last time that he’d asked the question. He invited himself to sit with her and Kathryn didn’t protest. 

She sipped the tea and hummed to herself.

“I’m fine,” she said. The words came out the way that they usually did—as a knee jerk response that told Chakotay very little.

“Is something bothering you?” Chakotay asked.

“Hmmm?” Kathryn hummed, raising her eyebrows at him.

Chakotay laughed to himself, but he quickly swallowed down his humor.

“You’ve been—occupied,” Chakotay said. “Or preoccupied. And this is probably your fifteenth trip to your ready room in the past two hours.”

“Am I not free to go where I want on the ship?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay could feel the prickle of something in the air around them. He could see, as well, that Kathryn’s expression immediately changed. She hadn’t meant what she’d said, and she certainly hadn’t meant to use that tone of voice. It surprised her as much as it might have surprised him. Chakotay nodded at her and smiled softly to let her know that he wasn’t offended by the slip.

“Now that that’s out,” he said, “do you want to just—be honest with me? Open?” Chakotay asked. “What’s wrong?”

Kathryn frowned at him and put the mug down on the table. She wiped her fingers across her lips and shook her head at Chakotay.

“I don’t think anything’s really wrong,” she said.

“Then what’s—I don’t know the adjective you want me to use, Kathryn,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn laughed to herself. She looked at him, for just a split second, like she wasn’t worried at all about anything. She looked at him with the warm expression that he loved seeing on her face—the expression that made it look like she could hardly believe that he was real. It was an expression that made him feel like everything he did was good and right. Kathryn reached her hand up and touched his cheek. Chakotay caught her hand and brought it around to brush his lips against her fingers. 

“Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to tell you everything because—maybe I’d like to keep a little magic in our relationship?” 

“Magic?” Chakotay asked.

“If I told you everything that goes on with my body—especially right now—you’d never look at me the same again. You’d probably never find me attractive again,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed to himself and shook his head.

“I think there’s more than enough magic in our relationship to allow us to handle a little reality. If I remember correctly,” Chakotay offered, “I once gagged you for half a day. I didn’t stop until you absolutely couldn’t vomit anymore.”

“And that’s been hard for both of us to recover from,” Kathryn pointed out.

It wasn’t true. Chakotay had never held anything against her. He tried to prove to her that everything she thought would disgust or horrify him simply didn’t. Still, someone, somewhere, had held something like that against her. At the very least they’d told her that something about herself might make her less than desirable. Chakotay was slowly trying to teach her that it wasn’t true for him, but he couldn’t rewrite something she believed with only a few experiences between them to work with. It was going to take time and patience—and he had both in abundance. 

“I’ve never looked at you any differently,” Chakotay said. “I didn’t even look at you any differently that day. I’m kind of hoping, you know, that I get to be there when you deliver our daughter into the world, too. That’s only going to make me that much more amazed by you, Kathryn. You’ve got my word.”

Kathryn closed her eyes to him, but Chakotay could tell that she was feeling a little better about whatever she’d started to think he would find repulsive and unforgiveable. He reached and touched her face this time, bumping her under the chin so that she’d open her eyes and look at him again.

She groaned teasingly.

“Do you want me to share something with you?” Chakotay asked. “Would that make you feel better?”

“Would you?” Kathryn asked. “Something disgusting, preferably.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He nodded.

“Fine, and then you’ll tell me whatever it is that’s bothering you?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn nodded. Chakotay searched his mind to come up with something that Kathryn might not know about him. She was under the impression that there were things about her body—especially those things that touched on the reality that she functioned just like any other human being in the universe—that would disgust Chakotay to the point that he’d never again be able to look at her. She saw those things as things she needed to try to hide from him. Chakotay, on the other hand, simply assumed that Kathryn would accept that he was a normally functioning being and, instead of hiding things, embraced the fact that they could share their lives with each other—the good, the bad, and the ugly. “Neelix put some awful new ingredient in my omelet this morning and—I haven’t been able to stop belching since I left breakfast,” Chakotay announced. Kathryn laughed to herself. “It’s terrible. It’s almost as bad as Leola root and the baby hasn’t declared war against it so I’m terrified it’s going to show up in every dish we eat for the next three or four years.” He raised his eyebrows at her. “Now—do you still love me? Even after I’ve admitted that I’m sitting next to you on the bridge trying to hide the fact that Neelix’s cooking is torturing me?”

Kathryn laughed. Chakotay might have taken it personally and said that she enjoyed his suffering, but he knew that she was simply pleased to know that she wasn’t the only one who suffered from the everyday maladies of human life. 

“I love you no matter what,” Kathryn offered.

“And you still find me attractive?” Chakotay asked.

“Always,” Kathryn said. “Though—I might tell you to go to the doctor for some antacids.”

“There’s nothing that EMH can do to save us all from Neelix’s cooking,” Chakotay said. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong now?” 

“It might be the same thing,” Kathryn said with a sigh. “I—keep excusing myself because I feel...well...gassy. I can feel it sort of bubbling around in there when I’m just sitting down. I can feel it now. But then when I get up it just disappears.” Chakotay smirked at her and she narrowed her eyes at him. “You convince me to share my suffering with you. You convince me it’s safe to share. And then I can already see you getting ready to make fun of me.”

Chakotay dragged his finger across his chest and shook his head. 

“I swear—I’m not making fun,” Chakotay said. “You have gas. And it’s a very real thing and it can be quite uncomfortable. Neelix probably got every one of us. If you asked around, we’re probably not the only two suffering today. But have you asked the doctor to give you something?” 

“Just after breakfast,” Kathryn said. “It started during breakfast.”

“And did he give you something?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn nodded. “It didn’t help?” 

“No,” Kathryn said. “And I can’t go back again because he said it would take care of it for twenty four hours.”

“Then it’s not gas,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at him. 

“I wasn’t aware you completed your medical training,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay smirked at her. 

“I didn’t,” he said. “But I know that the doctor wouldn’t give you something that didn’t work for something as simple as a case of gas or indigestion.”

Kathryn stood up again. Chakotay caught her hand to try to keep her there with him, but she pulled her hand loose. She wasn’t running too far from him. She simply made a loop around her ready room—the same kind of restless wandering that she’d been doing before.

And something in Chakotay’s own gut stirred. He stood up and followed her as she ambled around her ready room clearly looking for something to occupy her hands and mind for a moment.

“Kathryn—the problem you’re having, is it uncomfortable? More specifically, is it painful?” Chakotay asked.

She stopped ambling and turned around.

“Painful? No,” she said, clearly thinking about the answer before she gave it. “Unusual? Not even uncomfortable. Just—there. Sometimes.”

“But it stops? Goes away?” Chakotay asked.

“When I move around,” Kathryn said. “When I come in here to try to...when I leave the bridge.”

“And it’s—just gas?” Chakotay asked.

“It is and it isn’t,” Kathryn said. “It’s just—bubbling around in there.”

“But nothing’s coming of it,” Chakotay said. “It just continues to—bubble around in there, as you say?”

Kathryn’s cheeks blushed pink with color and Chakotay reached out, catching her. He pulled her to him and she sunk into him, wrapping herself around him. He rubbed her back with his hand.

“I want you to listen to me,” Chakotay said.

“I always do,” Kathryn said.

“Listen to me even more than usual,” Chakotay teased. “I know you haven’t bothered to read a single thing that I’ve loaded onto your PADD for you, but I keep reading. Kathryn—I don’t think you’re suffering from some kind of intestinal distress. I believe that what you feel bubbling around in there might very well be our little one getting some exercise or, possibly, telling you that she wants to be involved in what’s going on.”

Kathryn pulled away from him. The line between her eyebrows was back.

“You think...”

“It’s the baby,” Chakotay finished for her. “Kicking.”

“It doesn’t feel like kicking,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed.

“And she’s not that big,” Chakotay offered. “I would think you’d be thankful for that. Kicking. Rolling. Moving around. According to everything I read, you should feel her now. At least—soon if not today.”

Kathryn backed a step away from him and her hand went to her belly to cover over the spot where she so affectionately rested Chakotay’s hand any time that they lie in bed together or cuddled on the couch in their quarters. Her other hand covered her mouth. It was sinking in slowly and Chakotay gave her the silence that she needed to process what she was feeling. 

“You really believe it’s her?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay felt his throat swell shut just from the sound of awe in Kathryn’s voice. When she looked at him, tears clearly welling up in her eyes, he knew that it had to be the baby. She needed it to be their daughter whose movements she was feeling. When she blinked, she blinked out some of the tears and they rolled down her cheeks, but it was clear that she wasn’t in any distress. She’d only feel distressed if he were to tell her that he doubted the movements were those of their daughter. 

Whether or not it was gas, there was no harm in Kathryn believing what she needed to believe. It would hurt nobody, and soon enough she would undoubtedly feel their daughter moving about. It didn’t matter if she confused every grumble and growl in her gut with the baby for the next few months—it wouldn’t hurt a thing.

Chakotay nodded his head at her.

“It’s her,” he assured her. “She stops when you’re moving around. Rocking her. Maybe she goes to sleep, Kathryn.” He laughed to himself. “It might mean we’re going to spend months after she’s born just walking the corridors with her to get her to sleep.” Kathryn smiled. She laughed to herself. The tears that rolled down her cheeks and dropped off her jaw were false tears. They weren’t tears of sadness, so Chakotay didn’t try to get her to make them stop. He let her have them. “She moves around when you get still to get your attention. Maybe—who knows? Maybe she gets excited by what’s going on. She wants more to happen.”

Kathryn came quickly toward him and took his hand. She pressed it against her belly. 

“Can you feel her? Oh—she’s not moving. Not now. But—will you be able to feel her? If I sit for a minute. If I just get still.”

Chakotay covered Kathryn’s lips with his own. She deepened the kiss and he tasted the salt of the tears. His chest ached just to feel the emotion that was coursing through her and he pulled her tight against him in response. 

“I can’t feel her,” he said when he broke the kiss. “She’s too small. It’s too soon. This—right now? It’s just for you, Kathryn. It’s just between you and her. It’s only for me when you want to share it with me. It’ll be a little while before she’s strong enough for me, or anyone else for that matter, to feel her moving around. Right now? This is just between her and her mother.” 

Kathryn smiled at him sincerely. Chakotay saw her throat bob as she fought to hold back more of the tears. 

“Are those happy tears that are trying to get out?” He asked. Kathryn nodded. “Then let them out.”

They practically erupted from her when she was given permission to indulge them and Chakotay held her while she cried out everything that she seemed to feel like she needed to get out. When she was still, Chakotay pushed her away from him enough to use the palm of his hand to wipe her cheeks clear of most of the moisture. 

“You’re sure it’s her?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay wasn’t sure. He wasn’t a doctor, as Kathryn would point out to him when she was in the mood to do such a thing, but he was sure that it would hurt nobody for them to believe it was her.

“It’s her,” he assured Kathryn. “Are you happy?” 

“Overwhelmed,” Kathryn said. “But—with happiness. And something else I’m not sure I can name.”

“As long as it’s a good thing,” Chakotay said.

“A wonderful thing,” Kathryn assured him.

Chakotay laughed quietly. He brushed his hand down the side of Kathryn’s face, wicking away some of the moisture. She was smiling at him all the way to her eyes. He brushed his lips against hers and returned the smile.

“Would you just look at that,” he mused.

“What?” Kathryn mused.

“Just like I thought—there’s nothing you can tell me that doesn’t make me love you more,” Chakotay said. “And, honestly? It wouldn’t have changed how I felt even if it was just some kind of tummy trouble.”

“It might be,” she said.

“It’s not,” Chakotay reminded her. “We’ll be out of the expanse any time now. I’ll go check on long range sensors. You stay here a few minutes. Spend a minute with her, now that you know she’s trying to get your attention.”

Kathryn nodded her acceptance of his plan and she offered Chakotay a kiss to take with him. He was nearing the door to the ready room when she called him back. He looked over his shoulder at her. She was smiling at him, her hand pressed against her belly once more.

“Not that you needed permission,” Kathryn said, “because I know you were going to do it anyway, but—you’re free to tell them all what’s going on. This doesn’t have to be the captain’s little secret.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I was going to respect your privacy,” Chakotay said. “I wasn’t going to say a thing. But—I’m glad you gave me permission.”

“It’ll save you having to develop your charade skills even further,” Kathryn teased.

“Precisely, Captain,” Chakotay responded. “Or—should I say Captains?”

“Captain will be fine for now,” Kathryn said with a smile. “We’ll consolidate our commands.”

“Am I dismissed?” Chakotay asked.

“Dismissed,” Kathryn responded.


	71. Chapter 71

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. There’s plenty more that I’m excited about (and I hope you will be to) to come when I get a chance. 

If you haven’t noticed yet, I am pulling from some episodes, but I’m not necessarily pulling them in chronological order. I’m also keeping some plot points, throwing some out, and making plenty of my own. I hope nobody has a problem with that! 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“It’s—it’s really the most amazing thing,” Chakotay said. “I watch her and I know she can feel her. She can feel her moving around. She can feel her living. And the look she gets on her face...she looks at me sometimes like...like she wants to make sure I remember that I was part of it and that she thanks me for it.”

Chakotay felt his face burn hot and he shook his head, turning to pay extra attention to his food instead of looking at Tom. He couldn’t quite read that wide grin across Tom’s face, but he was almost certain that it was born of Tom’s desire to give him a hard time. 

“Anyway—to answer your question,” Chakotay said, after he had diverted his eyes and had regained his own composure, “fatherhood isn’t something that I’m rethinking in the slightest. I haven’t had any of the—the negative feelings or whatever you’re concerned about.”

“Chakotay—man, you’re completely smitten,” Tom mused. “This whole family thing has made you practically docile.”

“Docile?” Chakotay asked, looking at Tom. “Are you suggesting I was—what, exactly, before?”

“I don’t know,” Tom said, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders at the same time. “I wasn’t saying anything. But you’re different than you were. Back when you were on the Maquis ship, you were nothing but—fire and anger and...” Tom stopped talking. Chakotay felt his stomach flip. He could try to blame it on Neelix’s cooking, but most of his meal had been replicated. “You were just—different.”

Chakotay could choose to be bothered by Tom’s observations, or he could reflect on why they struck him. They struck him, and he knew it, because he recognized the truth in what Tom said about him. There was no need to be offended and there was no need to pretend that Tom had lied.

“I used to be angry,” Chakotay say. “With—the Federation. With the world. With everything. Maybe I didn’t even know what I was angry with. Now things are different. I’ve got—this ship. I’ve got a family: Kathryn and the baby but the crew as well. I have a purpose that’s so much bigger than me.” He hummed to himself. “Kathryn brings me a peace that...” He stopped and shook his head. “But you don’t want to know about all that. That wasn’t what you asked me.”

“The captain might not appreciate you sharing all her secrets,” Tom said. “But—it’s a good change. I didn’t mean to insinuate that it wasn’t.”

“I’m not docile,” Chakotay said, laughing to himself. “As you put it. The anger is still there, it’s just—I think it’s in reserve for directing toward beings and situations that really deserve it.”

“Well it’s some of that reserved ex-Maquis anger that worries me,” Tom said. “Not yours—I hope.”

Chakotay laughed. 

Tom had invited him to share a meal and Chakotay had taken him up on that offer. He would normally have eaten with Kathryn if she were able to have her lunch at the same time as his, but she was involved in a number of tasks and she’d almost seem relieved when he asked her if she minded him eating with Tom while she simply ordered something in her ready room.

The space outside the Nekrit Expanse seemed just as calm as the expanse had been. They were starting to wonder if the reason that Neelix knew very little about life beyond the expanse was simply because there wasn’t much to know about. There was a possibility that they’d entered a part of space that was void of complex lifeforms.

Of course, as it had in the expanse, all the time on their hands was giving the crew a great deal of time to think about other things. B’Elanna was working on an enhancement to the warp drives and Tom—with a little of B’Elanna’s input—was working on the future of their relationship.

“There’s no reason to believe that B’Elanna would be angry with you about something she wanted,” Chakotay said. 

“The Klingon half of B’Elanna is—well, it’s got its benefits,” Tom said, “but it’s also terrifying and, at times, unpredictable. And I can’t say that I have any prior experience with it. I’ve known my fair share of Klingons, but never intimately. If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be—that I’d be seriously considering having a family with one?”

“B’Elanna is half human,” Chakotay said. “Maybe you need to focus on that. But if the Klingon part of her is a problem...”

“It’s not that kind of a problem,” Tom said quickly. “I can just—no disrespect intended—but I can see how the captain is sometimes. There are highs and lows. Tuvok is practically monitoring her blood sugar as regularly as he’s monitoring long range sensors. We all try to keep things at an even keel.”

“That’s what you do,” Chakotay said. “Look—hormonal ups and downs are to be expected when you’re dealing with pregnancy. Samantha had them too. Every woman does. A lot is going on and a lot of changes are taking place. Women cannot help the imbalances that sometimes occur.” Tom was staring at him. “What?”

“At least I don’t have to read all those books,” Tom said. “You can tell me what they say. Verbatim, more than likely. Who knows, maybe there’s one in the database dedicated entirely to the expectant Klingon mother.”

“Klingons don’t take the time to write books,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “My point is that, if you and B’Elanna are serious about this, you’re going to have to take the good with the bad. You’ll have to accept that there are going to be ups and downs. Haven’t you already seen that in your relationship?” 

Tom hummed.

“I’m just afraid of the hormonally enhanced ups and downs,” Tom said. 

“Then tell her that you don’t want a family,” Chakotay said. “Tell her that—you’re not interested. If you’re not interested...”

“I am,” Tom said. “Geez—it’s just...we talked to the doc. We’re compatible, you know? Like genetically compatible. He could help us and speed up the process, or we could just let nature take its course. It’s up to us to decide when and if we want to do it. And—we were just discussing that, you know? Candle light, dinner, some soft love songs that I specially selected for a nice evening together. And then we start talking about marriage. Do we or don’t we? B’Elanna feels like—we never saw your wedding and you’re...well, you’re the captain and the first officer. She feels like we can’t just have a wedding now. Maybe we marry in private. We discussed that. But then—what does marriage even really matter on a starship this size? If we’re together, doesn’t everyone just know it? What am I going to do—bequeath B’Elanna the few possessions I have as though there would be some dispute about it if I were to die?”

“Slow down, Tom,” Chakotay said.

“The slowing down is the whole question,” Tom said quickly. He wasn’t slowing his rate of speech down at all. “Are we doing this too fast, Chakotay?” 

“Do you and B’Elanna think you’re doing it too fast?” Chakotay asked. “Because, in the end, it’s only the two of you that matter. Relationships aren’t being regulated on the ship.”

“On the one hand it feels like it’s moving naturally,” Tom said, “at the pace that we’re meant to be moving. On the other, I know that we’re really progressing through everything quickly.”

Chakotay held his hand up to stop Tom from talking.

“Nobody is going to judge you, and if they do? Let them judge you,” Chakotay said. “What matters is what feels right to you two. Kathryn and I haven’t slowed down since the first time I kissed her. It’s true that we’re ironing out wrinkles in our relationship as we come to them, but it works for us. I wouldn’t change it for anything. And I’m going to put words in her mouth and say that she wouldn’t either. If you and B’Elanna want to get married—do it. However you want. Just let the crew know and we’ll celebrate how you like. If you want to have a child, have one. Have ten! You do what works for you. If you want some advice or my input or whatever, I’m happy to give it. But you should make your decisions for yourselves.”

Tom nodded his head. In the time that Chakotay had been speaking, Tom seemed to have taken the opportunity to take a breath or two. He was looking a little calmer and a little less red in the face. He even offered Chakotay a partial smile.

“Yeah—hey, thanks,” he stammered out finally.

“Any time,” Chakotay said. “And—if you need to know anything out of the books you’re not going to read, then you let me know that, too.”

Tom laughed.

“Absolutely,” he said. “Between your knowledge, Doc’s database, Tuvok’s expertise, the nutritional reading that Neelix is doing, and everything that Harry is reading about—I think we’re all set for the birth of just about every species on this ship.”

Chakotay laughed and nodded. It was true. Everyone had been somewhat invested in the birth of Naomi, but it had been a novelty on the ship. The knowledge that their tiny captain was coming had gotten everyone’s attention in a whole new way. Chakotay didn’t know how many other crew members were considering adding to their numbers, but he imagined that Tom and B’Elanna weren’t the only two who were discussing another step in their relationship. 

“We’ll do whatever we can to help anyone who needs it,” Chakotay mused. “I’ve read just about everything in the library. Like you said, it wasn’t what I imagined I would be doing a couple of years ago, but I have to admit—it’s a good way to feel connected to what’s happening with Kathryn.”

“What would you do?” Tom asked. “Let nature take its course or—ask for the doc’s assistance?”

“We’ve talked about that,” Chakotay said. “For future children, of course. We have that option. It could take the guess work out of things. It could take out the waiting time. But—we didn’t have any help with our tiny captain and there was something really—I don’t even have the word for it, Tom. There was something about finding out that a life was there that we hadn’t even realized we’d created.”

“So you’d let nature take its course?” Tom asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I’d talk to my partner and decide on a case by case basis,” Chakotay said.

“That’s a very diplomatic answer,” Tom offered.

“It’s the answer of a husband,” Chakotay said. “A partner. Now, I feel like everything is something that I need to talk to Kathryn about. We’ll figure it out together.” 

“Whipped,” Tom teased.

“Happy,” Chakotay said. “And interested in keeping it that way. You might do well to remember that if you don’t want to stir up any of that feared Klingon wrath.”

Tom laughed to himself and picked at the food that he’d gotten from Neelix. He’d already spent his replicator rations, as he explained, and was therefore doomed to at least a week of Neelix’s cooking. All the talk about marriages and babies might not be necessary. From Tom’s dramatics about it, there was no guarantee that he’d survive the week on the food put in front of him.

“All senior officers, please report to the briefing room immediately. All senior officers, please report to the briefing room immediately.”

Tuvok gave the announcement over the ship-wide communication lines. Chakotay and Tom both hesitated a moment when they heard it. There was as much urgency in Tuvok’s voice as the Vulcan ever allowed to seep into his tone. Things had been entirely calm for a while. An announcement like that one was one that they weren’t used to hearing any longer.

But when Tuvok repeated the announcement, both of them were pulled out of their surprise-induced stupor and moved without hesitation.

They abandoned plates and said nothing to anyone in the mess hall. Instead, both of them moved as quickly as they could without falling into a full out run.

Whatever it was that was urgent enough to warrant calling an impromptu meeting of senior officers was important enough that neither of them wanted to be the reason that the meeting was delayed.


	72. Chapter 72

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“Long range sensors are currently displaying fifteen of the cubes,” Tuvok said. “But we have no reason to believe that those fifteen are the only fifteen in the area.”

“We knew that we’d likely find the Borg here,” Kathryn said. “It looks like we’ve officially found them.”

“That would explain why we haven’t seen any other ships or lifeforms,” B’Elanna offered. “They’ve probably all been assimilated by the Borg. At this point they’ve probably cleared this area of space out.”

“It also means there are probably any number of wormholes around here,” Tom said. “The Borg are able to travel from one quadrant to another without too much trouble. They’ve probably got some technology that helps them locate the wormholes. It could be possible to find one that will take us back to the Alpha Quadrant in a matter of minutes.”

“If we try to follow the Borg around,” B’Elanna said, “it’s more likely we’ll end up being assimilated. I understand that everyone wants to get back to the Alpha Quadrant, but I’d rather not go there as a Borg.”

“Lieutenant Torres is correct,” Kathryn said. “For as much as we all want to get home, it’s important that we actually make it there. We’re going to do our best to avoid the Borg. We’d rather not engage them.”

“If we had some way to hide from them,” Tom said, “then we could follow along behind them. What we need is a cloaking device.”

“We don’t have a cloaking device,” B’Elanna said.

“Couldn’t you make one?” Tom asked. 

Kathryn saw the look that B’Elanna gave Tom. She quickly tried to cover it over with a smile, but it was most certainly not a sincere smile.

“That technology isn’t shared widely among the Klingon people,” B’Elanna said. “And it certainly wasn’t shared with me.”

“I didn’t ask you all here to request a cloaking device,” Kathryn said quickly, hoping to diffuse the situation before it really had the chance to become a situation. Tensions were high at the mention of the Borg and her crew members were all likely to say or do things that they didn’t mean in the heat of the moment. She wanted to keep everyone calm and on track. “If there was one to offer, I certainly wouldn’t turn it down, but that’s not why I asked you here. I wanted everyone to be aware of the situation. At the moment, it appears that we haven’t attracted any Borg attention. It’s almost as if we’re cloaked without knowing it.”

“Why do you think the Borg aren’t paying us any attention?” Chakotay asked. He moved around in his chair. The news that they were in Borg space had clearly unnerved him a little, but he wasn’t going to let anyone else see that. Kathryn could only see it because she was so accustomed to his gestures that she could read nearly every wrinkle in his forehead when he wasn’t truly going out of his way to hide things. “We haven’t picked up another lifeform since we left the expanse. Surely, if the Borg have assimilated every other species in this area, they’d notice our intrusion into their space.”

“We don’t have all the answers. We are watching their movements,” Tuvok said. “None of us have had the opportunity to study the Borg closely before.”

“And we’re not trying to take that opportunity now,” Kathryn interrupted. “I just want to be clear—our primary goal here is not to explore. It’s to evade. If at all possible, we’d like to continue on our path and never have any interactions with the Borg. The scientist in me would love the chance to know all about them, but the pragmatic captain in me doesn’t want to put this crew at risk.”

“We shouldn’t be putting anyone at risk,” Chakotay said. “In fact—now that we know we’re entering Borg space, it might be a good idea to turn around.”

“We have to pass through here to get to the Alpha Quadrant,” Kathryn said. 

“We know the expanse was safe,” Chakotay said. “There may be another way out of there. We may be able to find another way back to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“Navigating the expanse was nearly impossible,” Tom said. “I’m not anxious to get to know the Borg personally, either, but we’re just as likely to get lost in the expanse and come out closer to the Borg as we are to find some alternate path to the Alpha Quadrant.”

“We have a tentative route planned,” Kathryn said. “Right now we know where the ships we can see are located. We’ll alter our plans as more ships come into view. The route that we’re going to follow is not taking us close to the cubes for the time being.”

“I agree with Chakotay. I think we need to at least consider turning back,” B’Elanna said. “We could look for an alternate route. Maybe—we can go another way entirely.”

“There’s nobody to get directions from on this side of the expanse,” Tom said. “Space shifted every day in there. It’s not like we can just find someone and ask them if we should hang a left at the next planet we find or not.”

“We came straight through the expanse,” B’Elanna said. “Arguably, we could go straight back. Maybe there’s no way to navigate the expanse, but that doesn’t mean that there’s only one way to get to the Alpha Quadrant. Maybe we just—go back and look for another route entirely.”

“We’ll lose months,” Kathryn said. “Longer if we get lost in the expanse. We don’t know that there’s another route. We have no guarantees. I’ve already taken this many years from the crew, I’m not going to ask them to give me these last months to do over again on the chance that we can possibly find another route.” 

“It’s better to ask them for a couple of months in peaceful space and the chance at another route than to ask them to live the rest of their lives as Borg,” B’Elanna remarked.

Kathryn could see it in B’Elanna’s eyes that she didn’t want to challenge her. She wasn’t enjoying it. Her stance very clearly showed that she was uncomfortable, though, with the possibilities that lie ahead of them. Of course she was. They all were if they were sensible. The Borg were a terrifying enemy and Voyager was no match for a Borg cube. 

“If we turn around,” Kathryn said, “then we have no guarantees that we’ll find another route to the Alpha Quadrant. We have no guarantees that we won’t turn around to simply find out that we’ve got to come right back through the expanse again and then face the task of crossing Borg space. We’ll continue as we are. We’ll watch sensors closely—day and night. We’ll keep on our course and we’ll alter it the moment that we get any indication that might be necessary. We’ll do our best to keep a low profile and get through Borg space as quickly and as quietly as possible. You all have my word—the whole crew has my word—that I’m going to do everything in my power to get this ship through Borg space without even inconveniencing anyone. Now—if anyone has any suggestions, my door is always open. I’m always available. And I welcome any insights that you might have.”

Kathryn waited a moment longer to see if anyone had anything else to offer. They didn’t, though. Not at this moment. Most of them still needed to process what Kathryn hadn’t even processed herself. She dismissed them to get to work and then she stood by the table and waited for them all to exit the room. As she expected, Chakotay hung back. He was waiting for them to be alone. While they were all leaving, Kathryn walked over to the replicator in the corner of the room. 

She heard Chakotay walk up behind her, or she felt it. Either way, she raised her hand to keep him from saying anything.

“Please—just let me have this,” Kathryn said. “Coffee, black,” she commanded to the replicator.

“Change that,” Chakotay said quickly, overriding her command. “Coffee, black, decaf.”

Kathryn turned around and frowned at him. 

“I need that caffeine,” Kathryn said. “More than you need me not to have it right now.”

“You’re going to find out eventually,” Chakotay said. “You don’t need it. I haven’t let you have caffeine since I found out you were pregnant. Every time I bring you coffee, it’s decaf.”

Kathryn swallowed. She felt on the verge of tears simply because of the frustration that she was drowning in when she thought about what lie ahead of them. Nothing felt like a comfortable answer. 

“I know,” Kathryn breathed out. Chakotay looked shocked and Kathryn laughed to herself. She picked up the coffee and tasted it. “I should have asked for cream this time. Two sugars at least. It isn’t suiting my taste right now. Don’t look so surprised, Chakotay. I knew that—if the doctor said no caffeine, you were going to follow his orders to the letter. I certainly wasn’t under the impression that you were going to allow me a whole cup of coffee everyday—or that you weren’t going to tell everyone on the ship to intercept me every time I went toward a replicator just to make sure that I wasn’t sneaking it behind your back.”

“You never said anything,” Chakotay said.

“Because it mattered to you,” Kathryn said. She eased down into the chair she’d been sitting in and kneaded at her shoulder muscles with the hand that wasn’t holding the coffee cup. “And so it mattered to me. Besides—I kind of like you bringing me my coffee. It makes me feel...”

Kathryn never got to say what it made her feel, though, because Chakotay distracted her by replacing her own hand with his. He kneaded her shoulder muscles and neck muscles in such a way that she was entirely without the ability to think for a moment. All she could do was groan her approval and wish that he never had to stop touching her.

He did stop touching her, though, when he’d worked out a few of the knots that had made their way into her muscles.

“You don’t agree with what I’m doing,” Kathryn said. She reached her hand up to touch Chakotay’s where it still rested on her shoulder.

“I don’t like the idea of going into Borg space,” Chakotay said. “It’s taking a big risk. It’s a huge risk for all of us and I don’t like the idea of knowingly taking our daughter into hostile space.”

“We take risks,” Kathryn said. “We’re Starfleet—and even Maquis. Taking risks is what we both do, Chakotay. And our daughter? She’s bound to be a risk-taker, too. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want her to be smart about things, but I want her to be brave. I don’t want her to live in fear.”

Chakotay sat down in the chair next to her. He laughed to himself.

“With Kathryn Janeway as her mother, she won’t live in fear,” Chakotay said. He hummed. “She may give her father a few thousand heart attacks, but she won’t be the one living in fear.”

Kathryn indulged her senses a moment to try to imagine their daughter as a dare-devil from her first steps. It was hard to imagine her, though, as anything clearer than the image they’d seen where it was barely certain that she was entirely human.

“Some of the crew is not going to want to go forward,” Kathryn said. “And—some of the crew is not going to want to go back. We’ve already seen that.”

“And we’ll keep seeing it,” Chakotay said. 

“There’s no good answer, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “If we go forward, we’re moving into Borg territory in a ship that—I love Voyager, but she’s no match for a fully armed Borg cube.”

Chakotay reached and caught her hand. He held it in his, kneading her hand absentmindedly as he struggled with his words.

“We know that. So let’s turn back, Kathryn.”

“And give up? Tell the crew that I’m just—giving up on getting them home?” Kathryn asked.

“I know you,” Chakotay said. “You will never, ever give up on anything. That’s not who you are. And this wouldn’t be the first time that you gave up. We’d keep looking for another way home. Maybe we go the long way around Borg space.”

“And we add what, Chakotay? Another thirty years to this trip? I can’t tell this crew that it’s going to take us more than a natural lifetime to get home.”

“Seventy years is a long time, Kathryn,” Chakotay said.

“And a century is longer,” Kathryn responded. She swallowed down the coffee in gulps, seeking some comfort from the warm liquid. As it usually did, it offered her a temporary feeling of tranquility that at least allowed her to swallow back the tears that she was determined not to shed until she had ushered her husband, and first officer, out of the room. “I wish you could be on the same page as me. I’ll figure this out and I’ll handle the crew, but I don’t want to do it alone.”

Chakotay raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. He held her eyes with his.

“We are going to disagree on a great number of things in our lives,” Chakotay said. “Because I do believe you’ll figure this out and we’ll live long lives together—on Voyager or...or somewhere else. It doesn’t matter, though, how much we disagree. We’ll work that out too. Together. You don’t have to do this alone, Kathryn. You never have to do anything on your own again. That’s the whole idea of letting me into your life.” 

Kathryn swallowed and nodded.

“Thank you,” she said. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Chakotay said. “Even if it turns out being my downfall someday.” He laughed quietly to let her know he was teasing. He was trying to lighten the mood at least a little. It worked. Kathryn felt a little of the tightness in her chest unwind. Chakotay squeezed his hand in hers. “We’ll keep an eye on things and we’ll figure it out—together—as we face it.” Kathryn nodded her agreement. “Is she kicking?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn swallowed and shook her head.

“I think I’m too—concerned,” Kathryn said. 

“She doesn’t like negativity,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“She doesn’t,” Kathryn agreed.

“And it’s not good for her,” Chakotay said. “And it’s not good for you. It’s not good for anyone and it doesn’t solve anything. So we’ll focus on the solution, not the problem.”

“Go check on the bridge,” Kathryn said, only half-heartedly making her words a command. She was simply requesting it of him at the moment. “I’m going to look at some of the images that Tuvok sent to my PADD. Make sure I’m comfortable with the route we’re taking.”

Chakotay nodded and stood up. 

“We’ll let you know if anything changes,” Chakotay said, stopping at the door. “Just—Kathryn? Let’s all just keep an open mind.” 

“We’ll do better to keep on our toes,” Kathryn responded.

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Let’s try for both, Captain,” he said as he left her to get her full composure and solidify the plan she wanted to go with—at least to start.


	73. Chapter 73

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay woke up in a cold sweat. He was still reeling from his nightmare. Images that he wanted to forget were still lingering before his eyes in the darkness. His breathing was elevated and he could feel his heart pounding. He couldn’t unsee what he’d see. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, and he got his breathing under control, calm started to descend over his body again. It was a nightmare. That was it. It was a bad dream, but it was no more real than any other dream. He was in his bed in his quarters. He wasn’t on a Borg cube. Nobody he loved had been taken from him.

But he was still alone at the moment.

He would have preferred to find his wife sleeping peacefully by his side. He would have preferred to draw her near to him, careful to wake her as little as possible, so that he could smell her skin and feel her warmth against him. He would have preferred to drop back against his pillow and listen to the sounds of her breathing—and snoring quietly—while he drifted back off in search of peaceful sleep instead of the horrible dreams that he’d found. 

Instead, his bed was empty. It had been empty for at least two nights. Kathryn had been going to bed with him, fooling him into believing that she was going to get the sleep that she needed, but she didn’t remain there very long. This wasn’t the first time that he’d woken to find that she was gone.

She could have remained in their quarters and occupied herself in their living space, but she always chose to leave their quarters and go somewhere else on the ship to work and to try to settle her mind. She stated that she didn’t want to wake Chakotay, and that’s why she left their shared space. What she didn’t realize was that he didn’t mind if she woke him a thousand times over. He didn’t mind sharing the fact that something was laying heavy on her mind. He would have stayed awake for days on end, even, if somehow his keeping vigil would have allowed her enough peace to sleep for just a little while.

Chakotay knew that he wasn’t going to get back to sleep—especially not once he knew that Kathryn was awake somewhere. It was virtually impossible. He had to satisfy his need to know where she was. Beyond that, the residual flashes of his nightmare robbed him of any enthusiasm he might have had for going to sleep. 

He couldn’t stand what he’d seen. He hated that his mind would even conjure up such horrors to show him. Everyone he loved had been turned into one of those creatures. It was a recurring nightmare, too, since they’d become aware of the fact that they were in Borg space. 

It was the greatest fear that he’d never known he had before. 

Everyone feared the Borg, of course, and their existence was more than legend. Every species in every quadrant ever explored told stories about encounters with the Borg and close calls. They told stories about failed assimilation attempts and escapes that had been made. But for every story of escape, and for every story of contact without assimilation, there were other stories about ships lost. There were ships lost, entire crews lost, planets, and even solar systems lost—all of them had been absorbed by the Borg. There were entire species that had been assimilated and were now considered extinct because none of the species existed outside of the Borg collective. The Borg were an enemy unlike any other enemy.

And now Chakotay and his whole family—everyone he loved—was headed directly for the Borg.

 

Chakotay drank a large glass of water in three smooth gulps, ran his hand through his hair, and slipped into his civilian clothes. He was off-duty, but he didn’t intend to remain in his quarters when he didn’t know where his wife was. Chakotay left their quarters and slipped down the corridor to the turbolift. He made his way to the bridge. When he stepped out of the turbolift, he gave the orders to the crew that was on duty to return to what they were doing. His visit, as evidenced by his clothing, was a casual one. 

Kathryn wasn’t on the bridge and Chakotay was directed to her ready room. He barely gave her time to answer his request to enter before he opened the door and stepped inside. 

Kathryn hadn’t bothered to put on her uniform either. The crew forgave her for her nighttime ramblings these days, since she was so preoccupied with the Borg, and nobody drew attention to—or even seemed to mind—the fact that their captain, when she was supposed to be off-duty, was just as likely to appear on the bridge or in her ready room in her nightgown and robe as she was in her uniform. She seemed to believe that if she watched the sensors herself, twenty-four hours a day and bleary-eyed as she was, she could somehow save them from any and every possible Borg attack they might encounter. 

Chakotay was sure she could probably keep it up a little longer, but the fact of the matter was that eventually she’d simply reach a state of collapse.

The crew knew that, too, and they weren’t hiding their concern from Chakotay even if they kept it quiet when Kathryn was present.

She was sitting, now, in her ready room. She was staring at her computer screen where she could see the live relay of all the sensors at once. She stared at the images, brows furrowed, while she rubbed at her temples with her fingers. She didn’t even look at Chakotay when he walked in. He wasn’t sure if it was because she already knew it was him or if she didn’t even really realize that someone had entered the room.

Chakotay sighed. 

“You have to sleep,” he said. 

“I can't sleep,” Kathryn replied, not even bothering to look at him or divert her eyes away from the screen. 

“You're going to go blind staring at the sensors 24 hours a day,” Chakotay said. 

“They’re ignoring us,” Kathryn said, her voice sounding croaky. “It’s like we don’t exist. It’s like they can’t see us. They aren’t paying us any attention. They’re remaining just at the farthest limit of our long-range sensors and they simply pass in and out of it. I can’t see where they’re going, but I can tell that they don’t seem concerned with us.”

 

“And that's exactly what we want,” Chakotay said. “Or have you forgotten? Maybe they won’t pay us any attention at all. Maybe we’ll actually be able to make it all the way through Borg space without ever being seen by them and without ever having to see them any closer to us than the farthest reaching point of our long-range sensors.”

“I have this feeling of...of impending doom,” Kathryn said. “Is that too dramatic, Chakotay? To say it that way? It’s—it feels like it’s eating me from the inside out.”

Chakotay shook his head. He sucked in a breath and sighed. 

“No,” he admitted. “I don’t think it’s too dramatic. In fact, I think it’s a pretty common feeling around the ship right now. The reason I knew you weren’t in bed is because a nightmare woke me up.”

“A nightmare?” Kathryn asked. She finally looked away from the computer screen and looked at Chakotay with concern on her face. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. No matter what she was suffering from, she’d try to soothe him—even over something as innocuous as a nightmare. 

“Do you really want to hear about it?” Chakotay asked. “With everything else you’ve got going on? It was just a bad dream.”

Kathryn sat back in her chair and stretched. It was perfectly clear that she was exhausted. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed. Her eyelids looked purple and heavy. Kathryn looked like her whole body felt heavy to her. She looked like she could barely keep herself in the chair where she sat.

She would never admit it, though. She leaned forward and rested her elbow on the desk. She put her chin on her hand and her eyelids sagged a little with even that small promise of relatively insignificant rest. 

“I’d love to hear about it,” Kathryn said. “What’s going on with you is important to me, Chakotay. Always.”

“Even in Borg space?” Chakotay asked.

“Especially in Borg space,” Kathryn said. “You’re my rock, Chakotay. I need to know what’s going on with you. I need to—help you if I can. I have to take care of you so that—you can take care of me.”

She smiled softly at Chakotay. He smiled to himself. Even though she looked exhausted enough to collapse right there, she was beautiful.

“I’ll always take care of you,” Chakotay offered, taking his seat across her desk from her. “Somehow the Borg got the ship. I could see it all clearly. I guess maybe I hadn’t been assimilated or—maybe I was just able to see it all because I had been assimilated. Maybe I was linked to them and I was seeing it all through my mind’s eye.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I never knew whether I’d been assimilated or not. I only knew that everyone had been assimilated and I could see everyone—being tortured and turned into Borg. I woke up because my chest was so tight that I couldn’t breathe. Everything had been lost.”

“It was just a bad dream,” Kathryn said softly. She got up from her chair and circled around to hug Chakotay. He stood up to make it easier for her. He breathed a sigh of relief at the feeling of holding her in his arms again. She must have enjoyed it, too, because she lingered longer than she had to and gently swayed her body from side to side—taking Chakotay with her—as she seemed to rock herself on her feet. “It was just a bad dream,” she repeated. “Probably the kind of bad dream that everyone is having right now.”

Chakotay hummed and rubbed her back. 

“Except for you,” he said. “Because you haven’t been to sleep yet. By my calculations, you haven’t slept in two and a half days. You can’t do that. You can’t keep doing that. You need to sleep.”

 

“I need to make sure we make it safely through Borg space,” Kathryn said.

“She needs to sleep,” Chakotay said, pulling away from Kathryn so that he could see her.

 

“She can sleep as much as she wants,” Kathryn said. “I think she’s slept a lot, actually. She hasn't been moving around much. The last time that I felt her was—probably when I tried to lay down with you.”

 

“She can sense that something’s going on that makes you uneasy,” Chakotay said. “You’re the first line for her, remember? And you sleeping is what gives her the strength to keep growing. Kathryn, I don't want to do it, but if you leave me no choice, then I'll speak to the doctor and I’ll get him to order you to bed. As your first officer I can't allow you to keep doing this. Not sleeping is an act of violence against the smallest and most vulnerable of our crewmembers. As your husband, I can't allow you to do this either. I know that it's easy for you to forget sometimes that she's there, but she is. And you're a wonderful mother, Kathryn, so I know that you wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. And that includes not feeding her regularly, and not allowing her to get the rest that she needs to grow.”

 

Kathryn frowned at him.

 

“I never thought of it that way,” Kathryn admitted. Now her voice sounded as heavy as her eyelids looked. She shook her head at him. “I don't want to hurt her, Chakotay. I never want to hurt her. I just—want to keep her safe. I want to keep you safe. I want to keep everybody safe. It’s my responsibility.” 

Chakotay nodded his head.

 

“I know Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “I know you feel responsible for everyone and everything. But right now, everyone is safe. That means that you have to focus on everything else that you need to do. That means using your off-duty hours to focus primarily on you and her when there’s no emergency. And that's why we’re going to have a snack and we're going to go to bed.”

Kathryn groaned.

 

“What if something happens?” Kathryn asked. “I need to be available. I need to be looking out for the ship. I need to be taking care of my crew. The captain is not supposed to sleep on the job. I can't abandon my crew in the most frightening place we can be, simply because I needed to sleep.”

 

“Everybody has to sleep Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “Even captains. The crew knows that. We’ll leave your communicator on, and we’ll tell them to call us the moment that they see anything. You can't single-handedly defeat the Borg, Kathryn. If we encounter them, it's going to be an all-hands-on-deck situation. And I know you. I know that you'll be there. Right on the front lines. Leading the fight. But for now, there is no threat. For now, we're lucky. The Borg hasn’t even seemed to notice us. So for now, all I'm asking is that you get a little sleep. Can you do that for me? For her?”

He pressed his hand to her belly. He enjoyed it, but he knew that she always enjoyed the gesture, too. It was a good way to ground her and remind her of just how real everything was. 

Right now it was a good way to remind her that there was life beyond worrying about when the Borg might notice them and come.

 

Kathryn smiled at him. She covered his hand with her own.

 

“I didn't mean to make you angry,” Kathryn said.

 

Chakotay hadn’t even realized that he’d started to raise his voice, but now that Kathryn drew attention to it, he realized that his pulse had picked up and he felt warm. She hadn’t meant to make him angry and he hadn’t meant to get angry. 

He was tired and emotions, sometimes, got a little out of control when people got tired. Chakotay knew that well. 

“You didn’t make me angry. It's my concern that makes me angry,” Chakotay said. “If anger is even the right word for it…”

 

“You don't think it is?” Kathryn asked

 

“Concern,” Chakotay said, settling on vocabulary that made him feel more comfortable at the moment. “Not anger. Come on Kathryn, let's get you something warm to eat and get you to bed. How does that sound?”

 

Kathryn sighed and scrubbed at her eyes with her hands. 

 

“It honestly sounds wonderful,” she breathed out. “But it would sound better if I wasn't worried about the Borg.”

 

“The Borg aren't going anywhere,” Chakotay said. “They'll be here when you wake up. Come on, Kathryn. Vegetable broth?”

 

Kathryn smiled. She nodded her head. He raised his eyebrows at her.

 

“And maybe a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the side?” He asked with a smile.

 

Kathryn’s smile renewed itself.

 

“You spoil me,” she said. “That sounds wonderful.” 

 

Chakotay hummed at her. He slipped his arm around Kathryn so that he could rest it on her back and start to usher her toward the ready room door. The crew, hopefully, would say nothing about the two of them crossing the bridge, pajama-clad and bleary-eyed, on their way to their quarters to eat a very late meal and try to get a few hours of rest before their next shift. 

 

“Actually, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, “This is more a case of me spoiling her. I know how much she likes peanut butter and jelly. I’m hoping it might even draw her out of hiding.”


	74. Chapter 74

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn usually avoided telling Chakotay all of the times that he was right. She praised him heavily and often, but if she told him too often that he was right, then it was possible that it would simply go to his head. He had been right about the sleep, though. She hadn't realized how much she’d needed it until she woke up and had found herself feeling like an entirely different person than the one who had crawled into her bed so many hours before.

Apparently, while she'd been sleeping, Chakotay had called the doctor and had asked for him to order that her shift be changed as long as there was nothing that needed to be handled. She’d been granted extended time off during the morning, unbeknownst to her, and Chakotay had let her sleep through those extra hours. As long as they remained in Borg space, and as long as the Borg weren’t paying them any attention, there was really no urgent need for Kathryn to be on the bridge. The doctor had agreed that sleep was more important than her unending presence on the bridge. Her presence, after all, might be more important later, and she would need to be well rested.

When she’d first woken, she’d felt irritated to find that she was rising several hours later than she’d anticipated. As soon as she’d gotten dressed, though, and realized how good she felt, she wasn’t feeling like complaining any longer. She’d taken her breakfast in her ready room and she’d spent the morning pouring over maps—finally seeing something that she hadn’t seen before. 

None of her crew, somewhat blinded by their concern about the Borg, had seen it. But it was a beautiful sight. Kathryn could barely contain her excitement as she’d presented her findings to the crew.

She was calling it the Northwest Passage because of its location relative to Voyager’s current location. It stretched as far as they could see, and Kathryn was sure that it would continue as they moved and their sensors allowed them to map more of the area. It was completely clear of Borg cubes. There was probably a current of some sort that ran through the area that the Borg cubes had difficulty navigating. Voyager was much more aerodynamic than the Borg cubes and Kathryn was confident that Tom could get them through there.

The passage looked like it came with a guarantee that they could rest easy. The Borg wouldn’t notice them there because they avoided the area. It could very well be their ticket safely out of Borg space.

Kathryn had immediately given Tom the command to set a course for the Northwest Passage and she’d advised everyone to be on high alert against the approach of any Borg vessels. The way they were going, they were practically going to cross a stream of Borg activity. They needed to keep their eyes open.

Most of the day passed very much like the rest of the time that they had spent in Borg space. There was a constant exchange of information taking place on the bridge, but very little of it was actually new information. Every time she asked for it, she was given the same report. The area was essentially saturated with Borg cubes. The cubes passed in and out of their sensor range, but it still appeared that none of the Borg cubes was paying Voyager any attention at all. Kathryn spent her time studying the map they were making of the area while she sat on the bridge with the others and waited for any kind of change. 

 

She didn't have to wait too long.

 

“There are ten Borg cubes on long range sensors, Captain,” Tuvok announced. “They appear to be coming directly in front of us.” 

 

“They're closing quickly,” Harry added.

 

“How far, Mr. Tuvok?” Kathryn asked.

 

“At a distance of three thousand kilometers and closing, Captain,” he responded.

“Can we avoid them?” Kathryn asked. “Alter course, Mr. Paris?”

“They’re too close, Captain,” Tom said. “I can use evasive maneuvers, but we won’t be entirely out of their path.”

“Do it,” Kathryn commanded.

“They’re set to intersect with us in three minutes,” Harry said.

 

“Go to red alert,” Kathryn said. “On screen.”

 

For a second nothing was visible, and it might have seemed like the Borg were something that Harry and Tuvok had imagined, but almost immediately the cubes started to come into sight. Seeing their ships coming toward them made Kathryn’s stomach turn and she resisted the urge to shiver at the cold feeling that swept through her body.

The Borg had advanced technology because they assimilated all of the species around them. That was what made them a truly formidable enemy. When you were facing the Borg, you weren't just facing one species that you had to outsmart and overcome, you were facing every species that the Borg had ever assimilated.

 

“Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn reminded, seeing that Tom had an expression of concern on his face. She didn’t want him to get so distracted by the Borg that he wasn’t able to do his best work to get them out of the way of the cubes. 

He jumped, but it was clear that she’d broken his trance. 

“Evasive maneuvers,” he parroted back. “But at this point I’m mostly keeping us from colliding with them, Captain.”

“Keep doing that,” Kathryn said.

 

Kathryn did her best to maintain a cool outer appearance as she watched the Borg cubes flying quickly toward them. There was nothing to do but try to avoid them. They would fight, if it came down to that, but she already knew that fighting the Borg in direct combat would be next to hopeless. If there was one cube, they might stand a chance, but ten cubes would be impossible to defeat. More than likely, if it came down to a fight, she would have to make the call to self-destruct the ship. She’d have to kill them all before she let them suffer for a lifetime at the hands of the Borg. 

She hoped, more than anything, though, that it wouldn’t come down to that. 

She was relieved enough that she barely stayed on her feet when she saw the cubes somewhat change their direction. She heard Harry’s voice almost immediately. She could detect some excitement there. Harry had been every bit as worried as she had been. Probably everyone on the bridge had been concerned. 

 

“They have an altered their course, Captain,” Harry offered.

 

“They appear to be preparing to go around us,” Tuvok said. “It’s most unusual, but it appears that they’re continuing without intercepting our ship.”

 

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth before the cubes reached them. Just as he said they would, they began to go around Voyager. They avoided the ship that was tiny in comparison to them. They disappeared out of sight of the view screen.

Slowly, Kathryn felt her muscles start to relax themselves from the tension that had been building in them. The Borg cubes were gone. They had passed around them, but they hadn’t bothered them.

It went against everything they knew about the Borg.

 

“Report,” Kathryn said. She was glad that her voice didn’t give away the fact that she’d been concerned. 

 

“The Borg cubes are continuing on their path behind us, Captain,” Tuvok said. “They haven't slowed their speed, and they haven't scanned us.”

 

“They’re simply leaving us alone?” Kathryn asked.

 

“It would appear so,” Tuvok responded.

 

“We’re not in the clear entirely,” Harry said. “There are more Borg ahead, Captain. We're picking up a signature at approximately four thousand light years ahead on our sensors. It’s definitely a Borg signature.”

 

“Another cube?” Kathryn asked.

 

“It would appear so,” Harry responded. “They aren’t moving, Captain.”

 

“Some sort of a trap?” Kathryn asked, directing the question toward Chakotay who looked like he was struggling to make sense of everything that was happening to them.

 

“You think they're waiting on us?” Chakotay asked.

 

“I’m not entirely certain what I think anymore,” Kathryn admitted. “I’m open to suggestions and interpretations. We’re in Borg space, yet the Borg are ignoring us. We just came face to face with ten Borg cubes that not only ignored us, but they did their best to go around us and leave us behind. Now there’s another cube that’s stopped—simply not moving—in the path ahead of us. The only thing that I can think is that they’re waiting on us to get there. Maybe it’s some sort of trap.”

“Although that is a reasonable conclusion,” Tuvok said, “It would be very unusual for the Borg to set a trap. What we know of the Borg is it they go directly for what they want. They don't set traps because they don't have to.”

 

“I think we all understand that,” Kathryn said. “But we also have to admit that these Borg are not acting at all like how we know the Borg typically behave. They were coming directly for us. They had their chance to confront us openly. Just based on the information that we have about Borg, they should have assimilated us by now. That last encounter was the perfect opportunity. Now, of course I’m not complaining that they didn't, but I am going to state that things are not as we expect them to me. We passed right through that Borg armada, and they didn't so much as slow down. They never even looked in our direction. That either means that these are not Borg as we know them to be, and therefore we have to expect other kinds of behavior from them, or it means something else entirely.”

 

“Assuming there's only one kind of Borg,” Chakotay said, “then what else do you think it might mean?”

 

Kathryn’s stomach turned with her own thoughts. She swallowed. Her mouth was dry. She would soon have to excuse herself to go and get something to drink if she wanted to be able to continue speaking freely.

 

“I don't know exactly,” Kathryn said, “but I would speculate that it means that the Borg have found something that's more important than us. I can't tell if they're running away from something, or if they are running toward something, but whatever it is, it seems to be much more important to them than Voyager.” 

 

“Maybe it’s some new species,” Tom offered. “Some species they haven’t assimilated yet so it’s got their complete attention. After all, they've already got humans. They probably got every species we have onboard Voyager. Maybe we're just not that interesting to them.” Everyone was staring at him. They were listening to him because the idea that he was presenting was one that could give them at least a few minutes of comfort. Seeing that he had everyone’s attention, Tom continued speaking. “Sure, we'd be more drones to add to their numbers, but we couldn't really contribute that much to the collective. If there's a new species out there that they haven’t assimilated, then they would want that to help them grow.”

 

The explanation was every bit as valid as anything else that any of them could come up with. At that moment, they had no real answers as to what was taking place around them.

“So they're running toward something new,” Harry offered to wrap up what Tom had said. Clearly it gave him some comfort to repeat the words and to more thoroughly consider the explanation. The Borg weren’t interested in Voyager and her crew because they had nothing to contribute to the collective. For once, being less than extraordinary seemed like the best thing that any of them could possibly be. Harry paused a moment. “But what if they're running away from something?” He asked.

 

“Then we could be in some serious trouble,” Chakotay said. “After all, what do we know of that’s scary enough to make the Borg run away?”

Kathryn didn’t have an answer for Chakotay. She knew that none of them did. There was nothing that they knew of that was more terrifying than the Borg. Of course, they were all learning that there were many things in the Delta Quadrant that they’d never even imagined before. 

Kathryn’s stomach turned at the thought of it.

“We're closing in on the Borg signature,” Harry offered.

“Put us back on screen,” Kathryn commanded. “What can you tell?” 

“It’s not moving, Captain,” Tuvok said. 

At just about the time that Tuvok made the assertion, the Borg cubes appeared in front of them. Or, rather, what was left of the Borg cubes appeared in front of them. 

“We were only detecting one mass,” Tuvok said. “However, now it’s clear that we were reading debris from what appears to be two—or possibly more—Borg cubes.”

Large portions of what was left of the Borg cubes floated in front of them. Kathryn didn’t have to give the command to slow the ship. They simply idled there, trying to take in what they were seeing. 

“Life signs,” Kathryn requested.

“They are faint,” Tuvok said. “But present. I’m getting Borg life signs, but I’m also picking up some kind of bioelectric reading. It’s unfamiliar, Captain.” 

“I can pick up two weapons signatures in the debris,” Harry offered. “One is Borg. The other is of unknown origin.”

“What could do this to a Borg cube?” Kathryn asked to herself as much as to anyone else on the bridge. They were surely all wondering the same thing. “What about those bioelectric readings, Mr. Tuvok?” 

“I can’t get a definitive idea of what they belong to,” Tuvok said. “However the reading is coming from the outer-most hull of one of the cubes.”

“Can you put it on screen?” Kathryn asked. A moment later an image appeared in front of them, but Kathryn couldn’t make heads or tails of it. “Enlarge. Zoom in.” It didn’t help. No matter how large it was, it was still unknown to her. “Any idea what it is?”

“It appears to be a ship,” Tuvok said. “I’m reading no life signs aboard it, but it’s composed of biological matter.” 

“This could be our ticket through Borg space,” Tom offered. “An ally.”

“Or it could be an enemy,” Chakotay said. “Anything that can do this to a Borg ship...”

“I’m not sold either way,” Kathryn said. “But I do want to explore this a little more. Ally or enemy, we need to know what we’re dealing with. Chakotay—I want you take an away team over there and see if you can figure out what’s happened. See if you can find some kind of explanation or some kind of hint about what this species might be like. We’ll keep a close lock on you. We’ll pull you out immediately if you have any problems.”

“Aye, Captain,” Chakotay said. 

As he started around her, Kathryn caught his shoulder. 

“You don’t mind?” She asked, lowering her voice. “I know it’s dangerous, but—we’ll keep a lock on you.”

Chakotay smiled at her. 

“I’ll be careful,” he assured her. “Besides—if it wasn’t me, you would be insisting on going yourself. I’d rather you stay here.”

Kathryn quickly puckered her lips at him. He winked at her. Both were gestures that would be missed by the other crew members and they were the most that they would allow themselves on the bridge.

Chakotay chose his team and left as other crew members flowed onto the bridge to fill empty spaces. Kathryn sat down in her chair to wait, her mind fixed on what was happening with Chakotay as he and the others explored the remains of the Borg cube and the new ship that they’d found. She couldn’t help but wonder what all this might mean for all of them in the days to come, and she did her best to hold onto her hope for a positive outcome.


	75. Chapter 75

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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He’d been on a Borg cube. He’d been on the ship of a hostile alien. He’d been in sickbay where he’d realized that one of his crew members was slowly being eaten alive by something that none of them could even begin to understand. 

But it was sitting at the table in the briefing room when Chakotay first began to feel like he’d lost the ability to breathe regularly and he began to grit his teeth against the ache in his gut.

He kept touching his face with his hand because he was also almost certain that at least one half of his body was simply going numb in response to everything he was hearing and everything he was imagining.

He glanced around him and took in the expressions of everyone else in that room. He listened to their words and he tried to process them all in the context of everything else that they knew at the moment. He wondered if he was the only one who felt like it was all too much and it was far too fast. He wondered if he was the only one who was just barely hiding the overwhelmingly dizzy sensation that he was feeling.

In a whirlwind, their plans had been shattered just the same as if a naughty child had thrown a crystal glass at hard ground.

They’d brought back what technology they could from the Borg cube, endured the beating that the alien vessel had given them before they’d been able to go to warp to get out of its range, and then they’d all set to work trying to figure out what was happening and what that meant for Voyager.

Now many of them had come together in the briefing room to put together their individual pieces of the puzzle.

The route that Kathryn had originally planned through what they were calling the Northwest Passage was free from Borg activity. The reason that it was free from Borg activity, they knew now, was because it was teeming with the creatures that had blown up the Borg cube. The creature seemed to be the only known natural enemy of the Borg.

The memory of that creature would be burned into Chakotay’s mind forever. 

When they’d first entered the Borg cube, they’d imagined that the creature might be an ally for them. When it made its appearance, though, it was absolutely clear that it had no interest in forming an alliance. It had attacked them and had injured Harry before they’d managed to escape. The doctor still wasn’t certain that Harry was going to survive the metamorphosis that was taking place in him thanks to the venom of the unknown species.

Kes, too, had already had a number of interactions with the strange alien. It was a telepathic creature and it found it easy to relay messages to the young Ocampan’s brain. She was struggling with the random words and images that were invading her senses and taking her over. None of the alien’s messages were positive, either. It promised them annihilation. 

This alien would be no ally to them. It was promising them certain death.

B’Elanna’s impressive abilities had gotten her full access to the data that they’d brought back from the Borg ship and she’d uncovered enough to know that their new enemy was known to the Borg as Species 8472 and the Borg considered them a threat. 

Chakotay knew that if the Borg considered the creatures a threat, then Voyager should very well consider the dangers that they faced even being near the aliens. 

Species 8472 couldn’t be assimilated. Something in their biochemical makeup destroyed the Borg’s nanoprobes as soon as they were introduced into the creatures’ systems. They were immune to the Borg and the Borg couldn’t fix the problem because they couldn’t assimilate one of the creatures to realize what was causing their issue. The Borg problem-solved from the inside. They learned from assimilation. The doctor, however, was able to see things from the outside, so he’d spent his time exploring the samples that he got from Harry and the Borg nanoprobes that they’d gotten when they’d taken a Borg from the last ship they’d encountered.

He could modify the nanoprobes to conquer the species. He could use them to save Harry if he was able to produce enough of them. 

But he could also give them all something of an edge. With the knowledge of how to successfully modify the Borg nanoprobes so that Species 8472 could be assimilated by the Borg, Voyager possessed knowledge that the Borg did not. 

They possessed knowledge that could be very valuable to the Borg.

And Kathryn was almost certain that they could use that knowledge in trade for safe passage through Borg space. That’s why she’d brought them there. She’d spent her time—while everyone was working on individual projects assigned to the situation at hand—passing back and forth between all of them, collecting and compiling information, so that she could start to work on the next plan that they would use to survive this.

The plan wasn’t awful and it wasn’t some poorly thought out plan with a million holes. Kathryn had put a lot of thought into it and it was as solid as any other plan that anyone else had brought to the table—especially considering that none of them had brought anything really useful to the table.

“The Borg aren’t exactly trustworthy,” B’Elanna said. “What makes you think that they won’t just assimilate us the moment that they find out we’ve got this so-called bargaining chip on the table?” 

“Because we’re not going to give them the opportunity,” Kathryn said. “Doctor—you’re a hologram and, therefore, you can’t be assimilated, is that correct?”

“Well—yes,” the doctor said. “The most that the Borg could do to me would be to integrate my program in with the rest of the technology that they would take from the ship.”

Kathryn nodded. 

“But they aren’t going to do that because they aren’t going to get the chance,” Kathryn said. “We’re going to download all the information you have about your modified nanoprobes into your program. I want it wiped clean from the rest of the computer system. Can you do that?” 

“I suppose I can,” the doctor agreed.

“Good,” Kathryn said. “Do it immediately. When we encounter the Borg and we make our offer, we’ll let them know that we’ve got the information stored in such a way that they can’t access it without our giving the command. If they try anything, we’ll simply delete the doctor’s program and we’ll wipe away any of the information that they want.”

“Captain!” The doctor protested quickly. Kathryn held her had up at the EMH.

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” Kathryn assured him. “It won’t come to that. The Borg need this information. They have one thing in common with every other species out there—they want to survive. The knowledge that we have guarantees their survival against Species 8472. Once they realize that we have it and that we’re holding it hostage, they’ll have no choice except to cooperate with our demands. They’ll see us safely through Borg space and then we’ll give them the information and continue on our way.”

“It could take us months to get through Borg space,” Tom offered. “That’s thousands of ships. We’d have to face all of them and hope that they all decide to keep their word.”

“They’re all linked by the collective,” Kathryn said. “The word of one Borg is the word of them all.”

“They’re the enemy, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “And—I’m a little uncomfortable at the idea of trusting the Borg. They’ve never struck me as being particularly trustworthy before.”

Chakotay could tell that B’Elanna was more than a little uncomfortable, but she was doing her best to keep from being confrontational. She was doing well for B’Elanna.

Kathryn sighed and leaned on the table. She’d been pacing around and around the whole table, filling the space with her presence, but now she put her palms on the table in front of her and leaned onto her hands. She was almost directly across the large table from B’Elanna, and she held the woman’s eyes with her own.

“The Borg are absolutely untrustworthy,” Kathryn said. “They are our enemy. They’ve threatened every race known to us and they’ve assimilated most of them. But we’re in their territory now. And Borg space lies between us and home. We have to cross it if we want to get back to the Alpha Quadrant. Believe me—all of you—when I tell you that I don’t want to have to deal with the Borg. I would rather Voyager were able to pass through Borg space entirely undetected. I’d like to see us on the other side without ever encountering a single cube. But—that’s probably impossible and we have to be prepared to face that truth. What we know is that Ensign Kim was struck by Species 8472 and he’s in critical condition. The doctor is doing everything he can to save him. Species 8472 knows we’re here and they’re set on destroying us because it seems that they’re set on destroying everyone they find inferior—which would seem like it would apply to a great number of species. If we can find an ally in the Borg, and if we can make ourselves somehow useful to them? We have a chance of making it through Borg space. We also have a chance of getting past Species 8472 without being killed. There’s strength in numbers.” Kathryn shook her head. “I don’t trust the Borg. Not instinctually. But I’m afraid we’re going to have to trust them if we want to survive this.”

Kathryn stood up and resumed her earlier pacing. She stopped again a few feet from where she’d last stood and took the stance of leaning on the table again. This time she was practically facing Neelix head-on as he sat with Kes by his side.

“I know you’re all afraid. I’m afraid, too. But you all have my word that I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that this ship—and all her crew—make it through Borg space safely.”

Chakotay sat in his seat and listened as Kathryn wrapped up the meeting. He listened to the last minute concerns tossed out by those present. He listened to Kathryn’s reassurances and to each reiteration of the plan. He listened when Kathryn gave the orders that each parting person should take with them to continue their work.

They weren’t going looking for the Borg. They would continue through Borg space as they had been doing—hoping that the Borg continued to ignore them because they were trying to escape Species 8472 and hoping that Species 8472 was distracted enough by the Borg to leave Voyager alone—but they had a plan now for what they would do when and if they were confronted by the Borg. 

They would try to form an alliance with a species that didn’t form alliances. The Borg only knew one way to join forces with anyone—and that way was assimilation.

Chakotay stayed in his seat while everyone left the briefing room. He watched as Kathryn walked toward the replicator. He waited to hear her order coffee, but was surprised when she simply ordered water instead. He watched her drink the contents of the glass as she looked out the window. 

She didn’t look at him, but she did speak to him.

“For the love of everything, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “Please—say something. Tell me what you’re thinking. With the way you’ve been—the way you’ve been looking at me. Your silence is killing me.”

Chakotay swallowed. 

“I don’t know that you want to know what I’m thinking,” Chakotay said.

“For better or for worse,” Kathryn said. She laughed to herself. Chakotay could tell that her humor was ironic and not sincere. “I guess it’s true in any situation. I want to know what you’re thinking, Chakotay.” She looked at him then. He closed the distance between them, leaving only a foot or two between them instead of most of the room. She searched his face out with her eyes like she wanted to read his mind. “For better or for worse, Chakotay. Say something.”


	76. Chapter 76

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“This is foolish Kathryn. Reckless. The Borg are dangerous!” Chakotay declared as soon as it seemed his tongue got free from the hold that his emotions had on it. 

Chakotay’s jaw was set. He was practically looking through her. His gaze very nearly burned her skin. Kathryn could already tell that this wasn’t going to go well. The biggest question on her mind at the moment was exactly how badly it could possibly go. It had been a long time since Chakotay had looked at her the way that he was looking at her now. 

“Apparently you think I don't know that,” Kathryn responded. She sighed. “Chakotay, I don’t need you to tell me that. I know the Borg are dangerous. We all know that the Borg are dangerous. And the only chance we have, right now, of making it through Borg space is hoping that they don't notice us. That’ll only get us so far, though, Chakotay. They will eventually notice us. And when they do, what I’m proposing is a way that we can negotiate our safe passage through their space. This gives us a plan, Chakotay, and it’s a lot better than any plan we had before—which was what exactly? Keep going and hope for the best? At least this way we have something on our side. We’ve got a trick up our sleeve.” 

 

“What you’re proposing is to try to strike a deal with the Borg,” Chakotay said. “You’re suggesting we offer them the promise of new technology in exchanged for their promise that we won’t be assimilated. We have no way of knowing that they'll keep up their end of the bargain, Kathryn. We're trusting a species that’s entirely untrustworthy. It reminds me of a story I heard when I was very little. A scorpion was standing on the side of the river, trying to figure out how to get across. Along came a fox. The scorpion asked the fox to carry it across the river on its back. But the fox didn’t want to do that. No, he said. You’ll sting me and I’ll drown. The scorpion insisted, though, that he wouldn’t sting the fox. I won’t sting you, the scorpion said. Because if I did, we’d both drown. The fox thought about it for a while, but finally he agreed. The scorpion climbed on his back and the fox started swimming across the river. But halfway across the river, the scorpion stung the fox, just as the fox had predicted. As he was dying, the venom coursing through his veins, the fox asked the scorpion—why have you stung me? Now we’ll both die. The scorpion replied –I couldn’t help it. It’s in my nature.”

Kathryn sucked in a breath and held it. She nodded her head. 

“I understand,” she said. “I really do. We’re risking a lot by trusting the Borg. But what other options are there, Chakotay? I noticed that you have quite a bit of criticism to offer when it comes to the plan. I noticed you’ve got a healthy dose of skepticism to go with it. I noticed that everybody does, actually. But I’ve also noticed that nobody was really offering me any suggestions that I should consider. Nobody had any better ideas.”

 

“We turn around Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “We go back.”

“You mean we give up,” Kathryn responded quickly.

“We look for another way through,” Chakotay said. “We find another way. Some way that doesn’t involve us having to make so-called deals with the devil.”

 

“What if there is no other way, Chakotay? What if this is the only way there is for us to get home? What if we turn around to try to find some other path back to the Alpha Quadrant and we lose…what? A year? Two years? And then we discover that we have to come back this way. And this time maybe Species 8472 has taken care of the Borg. Maybe Species 8472 has eradicated them entirely. Maybe not. Whatever the case, we’re still going to have to come through the dangers that we’ve found here. If the Borg are gone, we still have to deal with Species 8472, but then we're dealing with them alone. And if they manage to wipe out the entire Borg collective, what chance do you think Voyager stands, Chakotay? And what if they don’t wipe out the Borg? What if the Borg are still here? That would probably mean that they’ve figured out a way to get rid of Species 8472. And if they figure that out, then we're coming through here without the bargaining chip that we've got on the table right now. This is our chance. This is our only chance to get the Borg on our side. This is our chance to get rid of Species 8472 and to save ourselves from their attack. This is our chance to gain safe passage through Borg space. This chance is right now, Chakotay. There’s an expiration date on this one. If we don’t take it while we have it, we’ll lose any edge that we might have had. If we come through here a few years down the line, we’re coming through here with little more than our hopes and dreams to keep us safe.”

 

“We can turn around,” Chakotay said. “We can find a M class planet, Kathryn. We can settle down. We can put down roots. We can let Naomi Wildman grow up like a normal child. We can raise our own children there without having to go bed every night worrying about their safety. Tom and B’Elanna. Everyone else on the crew that wants to settle down can settle down. We can rest. We can build a life.”

“There are no guarantees, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “We might find a M class planet and put down roots just to discover that the atmosphere is failing a few years later and our children will have to leave if they want our grandchildren to survive. We might settle somewhere only to find that it’s been at war with another planet we knew nothing about and we’re about to become the latest casualties. It would only be a matter of time before the Borg found us anyway and assimilated us there—or assimilated our children.”

“I think you’re just trying to justify your plan,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I could say the same for you,” she responded. She shook her head at him. “What you're proposing is that I go and tell the crew that we’ll never make it home. I’m giving up on ever getting them home and I’m forcing them to give up any hope that they have of ever—ever—getting back to the Alpha Quadrant and seeing their loved ones again. I’d be telling them that they’ll never see home again.”

 

“What I'm proposing is that we build a new home,” Chakotay said. “For all of us.”

 

“Do you want to give it up? Ever seeing your family? Do you want to admit that you'll never see home again?” Kathryn asked.

 

“I've already given up a lot of things, Kathryn. If you asked around, I think you'd find that a lot of people have. I want to see my family again. I’d like to see the Alpha Quadrant again. But I stopped holding onto that whenever I realized how far away we were in a part of space that we’re entirely unfamiliar with. I have a new family here. I have a new life on Voyager. I can find a new life on another planet. But if we continue through Borg space, and if we face the Borg, and if we face Species 8472? Then there's a chance that we lose everything. I’m prepared to face the fact that I might never see the Alpha Quadrant again. I’m not prepared to face losing absolutely everything.”

 

Kathryn swallowed. It was difficult to hear those words from Chakotay. It was clear that giving up on getting home didn’t crush him, but Kathryn hated to think of him giving up on anything. 

 

“I told them all that I'd get them home,” Kathryn said.

 

“And you’ve done what you can. I know you Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. You take responsibility for everything under the guise of being captain, but there are things that aren't your responsibility. You don't have to fix everything. Nobody expects that of you except you, Kathryn.”

 

“It's my fault we’re in the Delta Quadrant.”

 

“It’s the caretaker’s fault,” Chakotay responded. “He’s the reason that we’re even here.”

 

“I made the choice to destroy the array,” Kathryn said. “I made a mistake. I didn't want to destroy an entire species, so I got us trapped here. That's on me, Chakotay.”

 

“You made the best decision you could with what you had,” Chakotay responded. “I don't know that anybody on this ship could have made a better decision. The point is, no matter what they did, they would have had to to live with it, and it's clear that it's a heavy thing to live with. But you've gotten us this far safely. You've taken care of this crew. It might just be time to admit that this is it, Kathryn. This is the end of the line. It's time to turn around. It's time to find somewhere to live. Maybe that’s how you protect this crew moving forward. That’s how you be the best captain that you can be for them. You give them a shot at staying alive.”

 

“I can't just give up, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “I’ve asked before and they’ve told me what they want. They want to go home. I promised them that I’d do everything in my power to make sure that happened. I can’t just give up on them—on all of us—now. I really hoped you could understand that.” 

 

“Sometimes you don't know when it's time to stop,” Chakotay said. “That’s one of your biggest faults, Kathryn. You have to stop sometimes. You have to back down. It’s not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having the sense to know what you can and cannot do. Sometimes the biggest show of strength and intelligence is knowing when to back down from a fight.”

Kathryn clenched her teeth together. She would not cry even though the sound of Chakotay’s voice and the look on his face tugged at any number of invisible strings inside her chest. She waited a moment until she was sure that she could speak without her voice faltering.

 

“I know you're afraid,” Kathryn said. “I'm afraid too.”

Chakotay looked like his expression softened just a little.

 

“Maybe we don't have to give up,” Chakotay said. “There’s still hope that we can find another way home. Turning around doesn’t mean we give up entirely. It just means that we admit that we’ve got to look for something else.”

 

“We don't have that much time to work with,” Kathryn said. “We’re already asking for a lifetime to get them home.”

 

“I don't want to lose you to the Borg,” Chakotay said. “I don't want to lose this whole crew to the Borg. And if we do this? We're putting all our trust in the Borg. That doesn’t feel like a very safe move.”

 

“I'll trust them,” Kathryn said. “You just trust me. Do you trust me, Chakotay?”

 

“It doesn't have to do with trusting you, Kathryn,” Chakotay responded.

 

“It has everything to do with trusting me,” Kathryn said. “I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to get us through this. All of us. We’ll travel as long as we can without interacting with the Borg, but when we do interact with them, we’ll figure out a way to become their ally. Will find a way to get around Species 8472. We’ll figure out how to survive this area of space.” 

 

“And what are the other costs, Kathryn? We help the Borg assimilate another species? How does that fit with your values? Because it feels pretty uncomfortable to me.”

 

“From the looks of it, we might be doing the Delta Quadrant a favor,” Kathryn said

 

“Do you really believe that, or are you just searching for a way to justify what you want to do?” Chakotay asked.

“Species 8472 is a ruthless species,” Kathryn said. “They’re set on destroying anything in their path. Maybe helping the Borg is just choosing one evil over another, but at least we’re ridding the Delta Quadrant of one of those two evils while we also find some safety for ourselves.” Kathryn closed her eyes. This wasn’t ideal to her, either. She didn’t like any of it. If she had her way, there would be no Borg and there would be no Species 8472. They would just travel the rest of the way back to the Alpha Quadrant in the peaceful way that they’d travelled through the Nekrit Expanse. But that wasn’t reality. She was doing the best she could with the reality that was in front of her. She was doing what she could to try to get them all safely through a treacherous situation so that they could get home. This wasn’t an ideal situation for her, either. “Are you with me, Chakotay? Because it’s important that—as my first officer...”

Kathryn stopped. She swallowed. She wanted to beg him not to look at her the way he was looking at her. She wanted to beg him to see things her way and to understand where she was coming from.

But she wasn’t going to beg.

And she’d rather not order.

Maybe Chakotay understood that much, at least. 

“You’re the captain,” he said. “I’ll follow your orders. Whatever they are.”

 

Kathryn nearly choked and she kept her eyes open to avoid accidentally blinking the tears onto her cheeks. They were brimming in her eyes and there was nothing she could do to make them go away. Chakotay’s tone was almost as cold as the look he was giving her. She nodded her head. 

“Very well,” she said. “I guess I’m doing this alone after all. If that’s how you feel about it—you have your orders. Get to work, Commander. You’re dismissed.”


	77. Chapter 77

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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They were nearly a week deeper into Borg space, and still they hadn’t encountered the Borg. They were still managing to escape confrontation. 

And for as much escaping of confrontation as was taking part outside of the ship, there was a great deal taking part inside as well. 

There was a great deal of space between Kathryn and Chakotay as they moved forward with Kathryn’s plan to be prepared to strike a deal with the Borg should they encounter the species. Because the ship was at risk and they wanted to be sure that someone was always on the bridge that could handle things until Kathryn could be reached, they’d decided that a senior officer should be on duty at all times. Even if Kathryn might have wanted to live on the bridge, it simply wasn't possible. She was human. She had to rest. 

Whether he’d worked it into the schedule on purpose, on some subconscious level, or whether it had been purely an accident, Chakotay wasn’t sure. Somehow, though, it seemed that he’d made sure that his duty shifts didn’t coincide with Kathryn’s. That meant that their time off wasn’t shared time either. They had spent very nearly a week’s worth of time barely seeing or speaking to each other outside of those few words which their positions on the ship mandated that they exchange.

 

Chakotay noticed a strange phenomenon as well: the longer that he went without talking to Kathryn about what was going on between them, the harder and seem to face speaking about it. His anxiety grew exponentially as they spent time apart. It became more and more daunting to imagine having a conversation with her about the argument that they’d had.

 

One night, Chakotay finally screwed up his courage to go and speak to Kathryn, but by the time he reached their quarters, Kathryn was lost to him—deep in the foreign land of sleep. Chakotay had stood there for a long moment and simply watched her sleeping. The rope of the brain of her hair was somewhat coiled on her pillow. She'd rid herself of the blanket, apparently hot, and her arm rested gently over the swell of her stomach. It rose and fell with her breathing. Chakotay had debated waking her while he’d watched her. She needed to sleep, though, and he could no longer remember what it was that he absolutely had to say. He didn’t want to wake her to simply find that he had lost his tongue. 

He was reminded, though, that the longer he was apart from Kathryn, and the longer they took to deal with their problems, the longer he was away from their daughter. There wasn’t much that he could miss in her life right now, but he hated knowing that he missed anything—even if it was just some new trick that Kathryn seemed to feel her doing. The only thing that soothed Chakotay, though, was the knowledge that these were minor events in the baby’s life and she was too young to know what was happening. 

Chakotay hadn’t woken Kathryn that night. He had gone to bed, though, feeling at least a little more like he was ready to sit down and talk with Kathryn. He simply didn't know when it would happen because—whether on purpose or by chance—their schedules no longer coincided and it was difficult to steal the time to speak to Kathryn. Or, maybe, that was just another excuse that his brain had created to help him avoid what was bound to be a difficult situation. 

Kathryn had been gone when Chakotay had woken to begin his duty, and he hadn’t had much time to speak to her as they both moved about the ship taking care of different things that needed to be handled. 

It was always hard to find the time for difficult and unpleasant things.

 

Chakotay didn't recall being on the same duty schedule as Tom, but somehow he ended up sitting across from the young man in the mess hall. Tom didn't try to hide the fact that there was something on his mind. It was written all over his face. He clearly had something to say, and he was just biding his time. Unfortunately, his antics of pushing food around annoyed Chakotay enough that he couldn’t allow the charade to last for too long.

 

“Why don't you just come out and say it, Tom?” Chakotay asked, growing ever more annoyed by Tom’s presence. 

 

“That you’re both acting like children? Or that we all hate it when you fight? You two are the ones that are fighting, but we're the ones that have to deal with the tension in the air. What exactly was it that you wanted me to say, Chakotay?” Tom asked.

“I wish we weren’t fighting either,” Chakotay said. He left it at that. 

 

“Then stop fighting,” Tom said. “It's that simple.”

 

“No, it's really not that simple,” Chakotay responded.

 

“It absolutely is that simple,” Tom said. “Look, I know about arguments. I know about difficult women. I'm dating B’Elanna. Every day is a new adventure of what can we argue about,” Tom declared. “But every day is also a chance for me to decide whether or not each particular argument is worth the trouble that it's going to cause. Every day is an opportunity for me to decide whether or not this argument is worth the time I’m not spending with B’Elanna—or not enjoying with her. Is this argument worth all of this that’s going on between you and Captain Janeway?”

 

“We're talking about the Borg,” Chakotay said. “You can't pretend to be happy with this arrangement.”

 

“I wish we weren't in Borg space at all,” Tom said. “But, on the other hand, I would like to get back to the Alpha Quadrant eventually. Even if that means that I'm going back to prison—at least temporarily—and even if that means that you and B’Elanna might be going to prison for a while. At least we’ll be back home. We’ll have the chance to rebuild our lives. Start new.”

 

“We can start a life somewhere else,” Chakotay said. “We can live a peaceful existence. We don't have to deal with the Borg. If the Borg assimilate us, we’re never making it back to the Alpha Quadrant anyway—at least not as ourselves.”

 

“The captain is right about one thing,” Tom said. “And that’s that we’re never going to be safe in Borg space. If we settled down somewhere, we still wouldn’t be safe because this is Borg territory. It’s the Delta Quadrant. It’s where the Borg live. It’s their central location—the home of the hive. If we try to live some kind of a peaceful existence here, it’s just a matter of time before we encounter the Borg. It may not be today. It may not be tomorrow. But it will be someday. I’m not happy about it, but those are the facts.”

 

“At least we have the tactical advantage of having something to hold over their heads,” Chakotay supplied with a little bit of sarcasm. “I've heard this before.”

 

“What do you think would be a better plan?” Tom asked. “Besides simply running away—which it seems that you're getting quite good at these days.”

 

“I'm still your commanding officer,” Chakotay said with a raised eyebrow.

 

Tom relaxed in his seat.

 

“I'm not trying to be argumentative,” Tom said. “I'm just trying to understand. I'm trying to help. Tell me what it is that you're really angry about, because I know that you can't be mad that we're simply in Borg space. There's nothing the captain can do about that. She didn't purposefully bring us into Borg space, but she's doing her best to get us through it.”

 

“If we try to trust the Borg,” Chakotay said, “then we're taking a chance that everybody on the ship could be assimilated. We’re taking the chance that everybody here, everybody we know and care about and love, could be assimilated. We're putting ourselves directly in the line of the Borg. More than that, we're practically inviting them to assimilate us.”

 

Chakotay stopped and shook his head. He returned to eating his food, even though it didn't taste very good, and he didn't really want it. He was even willing to admit that, perhaps, the taste of the food wasn’t Neelix’s fault. Neelix could only do so much with food. Today it was simply Chakotay’s nerves and anxiety that had him not wanting to eat what was placed in front of him. 

“You need her,” Tom said. “And she needs you. Basically what I’m hearing from you is that you’re scared of losing. It’s got you terrified. You're scared of losing something good. And I'm taking permission to speak freely whether you grant it or not. Throw me in the brig if that's what you want to do. But it sounds to me like you're saying that you're scared to death of losing the captain. You're scared to death of losing your daughter. And the way that you're going to react to that, and respond to that fear, is by running away before something can happen that can take all that away from you. I understand, I've done the same thing a few times myself—though maybe not on the same scale. Sometimes we learn from our mistakes. Sometimes we learn that we don't want to be the person that we used to be. I'm just passing it onto you, but here's a little advice, don't do what you're doing. You might regret it someday when you realize that you didn't spend the time with her that you could have because you were too busy trying to protect yourself from losing that time. You took it away from yourself. And in that situation, it wouldn't be the Borg that would be to blame for your loss, Chakotay. It would be you.” 

 

Tom’s words hit Chakotay in the gut. He already had very little appetite for the food in front of him, but suddenly he wanted it even less than he had before. Chakotay was just about to get up from the table to leave the meal—leaving Tom’s words without response—when the ship suddenly went to red alert. The sound of it sent shockwaves of terror through Chakotay’s body. Red alert in Borg space was not something any of them wanted to experience. Chakotay got to his feet quickly and Tom followed right behind him. They reached the turbolift at the same time and, almost simultaneously, they both gave the command that the turbolift take them to the bridge. When they stepped out onto the bridge, Kathryn was already there and she was standing in front of the screen. The Borg cube was facing them. It seemed larger than Chakotay ever remembered a Borg cube having been before. They had a connection with the Borg. An open line. 

There was no drifting away from this situation without interaction of some sort. 

 

Kathryn interrupted the Borg’s opening lines about assimilation being futile. She interrupted their speech by simply informing them that they would not be assimilated. Voyager was not going to be assimilated. And she informed them that, in fact, they had technology that would very much interest the Borg. However, she informed them that, before they got any ideas about trying to assimilate Voyager’s crew to steal the knowledge, they might be interested to know that the information had been loaded into a program that would self-destruct if the Borg tried to harm Voyager or any of her crew in any way.

 

The Borg must have been somewhat surprised, because it took them a long moment to respond. When they finally did respond, they tried once more to introduce the idea they would simply assimilate Voyager. Kathryn countered them once more, and asked B’Elanna to send over a small sample of the technology that they had against Species 8472.

 

And then, without any warning, the spot just in front of the view screen, was suddenly empty. Kathryn was gone.


	78. Chapter 78

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think! 

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“Get her back!” Chakotay yelled, crossing the bridge to the space where Kathryn had been standing only moments before. When his feet were in the spot where hers had been, he stopped and took in the emptiness around him.

Suddenly he felt like his chest was closing under some crushing and invisible weight. 

“The captain has been beamed aboard the Borg cube,” Tuvok offered. Chakotay felt his skin immediately prickle at the sound of the Vulcan’s cool and collected demeanor. Regardless of the fact that Tuvok was a Vulcan, Chakotay wanted everyone to feel the same sense of urgency that was swallowing him up at the moment. “We’re unable to lock onto her.”

“Lock onto her signal!” Chakotay commanded. “Lock onto her skeleton!” He added, tossing out something that he remembered B’Elanna had learned to do. “I don’t care what you lock onto, but get her back, Tuvok! Now!”

Tuvok looked at Chakotay without any more urgency than he would normally employ.

“We cannot penetrate the Borg shields,” Tuvok said.

“How is it that we can’t beam her back, but they beamed her right out of here?” Chakotay snapped. It was a rhetorical question, really. He knew that the Borg had technology that was far more advanced than their own. Asking the question made him feel better, though. For some reason it made him feel just a little less helpless. 

Tuvok answered him regardless of the fact that Chakotay didn’t really require a response.

“The Borg have assimilated individuals with knowledge of our shield technology,” Tuvok said. “We have no such accumulation of technology.”

“Hail them!” Chakotay said. “Get the channel back.”

“I cannot hail them, Commander,” Tuvok said. “Because they have just begun to hail us, Commander.”

“Open the channel!” Chakotay responded.

“On screen,” Tuvok offered.

Immediately it was Kathryn’s face who appeared in the view screen. Chakotay could see her surrounded by the cold and mechanical walls of a Borg cube. His chest loosened a little, though, just to see her again.

“Stand down,” Kathryn said. “Commander...Chakotay.” She said his name like she almost choked on it. She said it like she was trying to decide what was allowed of her and what wasn’t. There was a tenderness in her eyes that Chakotay felt like he hadn’t seen in a long time—of course he’d been actively trying to avoid her eyes for days. He felt like an idiot for that and it weighed on him.

“Tell them to beam you back,” Chakotay said, hearing the slight tremor in his own voice. He wanted to hold it strong and steady, but he didn’t have the same control as the Vulcan behind his console. 

Kathryn shook her head. 

“I won’t be returning to Voyager,” Kathryn said. “Not right now. I’m leaving her in your capable hands. I’ve talked to the Borg. We’ve negotiated. They’re going to see us through their space and we’re going to work on developing enough nanoprobes along the way to handle Species 8472. They want some insurance, of sorts, so I’ll stay here and work on the nanoprobes as a show of good faith. You won’t do anything against them, and that’s an order.”

“You don’t have to do that, Captain,” Chakotay said. “You don’t have to remain on a Borg vessel.”

“I do,” Kathryn said. “I know what I’m doing. I’m fine. I’m safe. You have Voyager. Lieutenant Tuvok, they’re lowering the shields. Lock onto me and beam over to my coordinates. You’re going to help me here.” 

“Aye, Captain,” Tuvok said. 

“Commander...” Kathryn said, but she let the words hang in the air. She didn’t want to say it over the view screen, and Chakotay understood that. He nodded his head. 

“I understand,” he said. “Do you?”

Kathryn smiled briefly. She must have understood that he was doing his best to tell her that he loved her without having to say the words. 

“I understand,” Kathryn said. “Lieutenant Tuvok and I will be communicating with you as we know more.”

“Ask the Borg to disengage the tractor beam they have on us,” Chakotay said. “Voyager can match the cube’s speed and course without a leash.” 

Almost immediately, Chakotay felt the slight lurch of the ship as the tractor beam was disengaged. The Borg were listening. They were always listening. Tom was listening, as well, and didn’t need a command to change the ship’s course and speed to match the cube. He could follow along well enough with the conversation that was taking place.

“If you’re in any trouble...” Chakotay offered.

“We’ll be fine, Commander,” Kathryn assured him. “Janeway out.”

And just like that, she was gone again, even though Chakotay’s eyes still held her in his vision for just a second longer. 

“Chakotay...” Tom offered, but he didn’t say anything else. Chakotay shook his head at him.

“You heard the captain,” Chakotay said. “Keep up with the Borg cube.” Harry, whom the doctor had healed only a few days before with his modified nanoprobes, looked at Chakotay with nothing short of absolute concern and a touch of horror on his features. Chakotay realized that he was going to have to at least pretend to hold it together for the benefit of the crew. “Harry—keep an eye out for any suspicious activity. I want to know if anything even looks out of place.”

Chakotay returned to his seat. He glanced over at Kathryn’s empty chair before he picked up his PADD and pretended that he was doing anything except worrying over the fact that the Borg were now in possession of his wife and, technically, his daughter.

He only hoped he could trust Tuvok to take care of her. He tried to convince himself that she was safe with the Vulcan that he knew would lay down his life for her without hesitation. He did his best to keep himself from thinking about the fact that even a Vulcan was powerless against the collective.

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Chakotay hoped that the Borg knew that Kathryn needed food, water, and rest. He’d only eaten a few bites of food and retired to his bed under the doctor’s orders. He hadn’t slept, though, when he’d been in his quarters. He’d lie there, instead, thinking that Kathryn should be there beside him. He’d spent his time regretting—as Tom had said, as surely as if he’d been able to predict the future—every time he hadn’t touched her in the past few days. He regretted every missed opportunity to tell her that he loved her. 

The bed smelled like her. She was all around him, but she was nowhere to be found. It made it all the much more difficult to remain in his quarters and pretend that he was sleeping.

He couldn’t sleep if he didn’t know that she was resting. He didn’t want to eat if she might be hungry.

All he wanted was to have some way to destroy every single Borg that had ever been created by the wretched hive that now held her hostage so that he could have her back.

But he couldn’t do that. He had to trust that she knew what she was doing.

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The ship had come from out of nowhere—literally. They hadn’t even had time to detect the hole opening in space before the ship appeared, barreling through it. Species 8472 was coming for them. They were coming for the Borg.

They had communicated with Kes, telepathically, their ever-growing desire to destroy the Borg and Voyager, but they never told them when to be prepared. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, though. They had been working on modified nanoprobes for days on both the cube and Voyager, but Chakotay doubted they had enough to wage any kind of war against the bloodthirsty species.

Species 8472 fired one shot at Voyager and almost missed the ship entirely. The ship just caught part of their fire and it dropped their shields almost fifty percent. It appeared that a solid direct hit would take out Voyager without the need for any kind of prolonged or sustained battle. 

Species 8472 must have known, too, that Voyager was the least of their concerns. They fired on the Borg cube and turned their back to Voyager. Chakotay gave the command to fire on their ship, but he knew that their weapons were doing little more than annoying the creatures.

When Species 8472 turned to pay attention to Voyager once more, Chakotay braced himself for the death that he was almost certain was about to follow for all of them. Watching out the view screen, he knew that he wasn’t the only one who knew that their end was approaching. They fired another shot at the bioship that was headed straight toward them, but it had little effect.

And then something unexpected happened. It happened so quickly that Chakotay even wondered if he was seeing things clearly.

The Borg cube fired frantically on Species 8472—possibly using all their reserved weapons at once—and then collided with the superior ship. The collision caused an explosion that rocked Voyager and destroyed both ships that had collided.

“The cube,” Chakotay said. He meant for it to be an order for a report, but more than that it had come out as a half-hearted statement. He could see clearly that very little remained of the ship except debris.

“Destroyed, Commander,” Harry offered. “The bioship was destroyed as well.”

Chakotay stood there, his heart struggling to pump. He wanted to simply quit. He wanted to sit down, right where he was, and wait for Species 8472 or the Borg or whoever would come to get them. 

But he couldn’t.

It wasn’t what Kathryn would want him to do.

“Commander...” A voice came over the communication line that Chakotay recognized. It was a voice that he’d thought he would never hear again. Tuvok’s voice—always so steady and calm—sometimes annoyed Chakotay, but at the moment it was one of the sweetest sounds he’d ever heard. “We have beamed to Cargo Bay 2,” Tuvok said. “Myself...the captain...and a number of Borg drones. We require assistance...”

Nothing more was said, but nothing more needed to be said. Chakotay immediately tapped his communicator. 

“Security, let’s get a team to Cargo Bay 2. Doctor? You and Kes should prepare to receive wounded.”

Chakotay immediately handed the bridge over to Harry and ran for the turbolift. 

His heart thundered in his chest as he made his way to the cargo bay, thinking that the ship was larger than he ever remembered it being. He met the security team as they surrounded the entrance and accepted the phaser that was passed to him. He gave the order to open the doors and he rushed inside. 

Immediately Chakotay’s attention was drawn to the Borg drones that were wandering around like they were lost in the confined space of the cargo bay. He watched them, trying to figure out what he and his small security detail were going to do against them. Even a handful of drones was too many for them to handle.

He almost tripped over the bodies lying on the floor. 

Before he could get to her, another member of the crew had pressed his fingers against Kathryn’s neck. The free-bleeding gash on her forehead made Chakotay’s stomach churn. She was completely motionless—like he saw her so many nights when he watched her sleep—but this time she didn’t look at peace at all. Tuvok, lying beside her, was also unconscious.

“She’s alive, Commander,” the crewman offered. “Lieutenant Tuvok, as well.”

Chakotay touched his combadge. 

“This is Commander Chakotay. Beam Lieutenant Tuvok and Captain Janeway directly to sickbay. We need backup in Cargo Bay 2.” 

He didn’t get to touch her. She was beamed out almost immediately. Chakotay rested as easy as he could, though, in the knowledge that she was already in sickbay and under the doctor’s care. She was in much better hands than she would have been in if she’d been unconscious in Chakotay’s arms. 

He would figure out how they were going to deal with the drones, and then he could go to her.

As Chakotay rounded an area piled high with equipment, a hand reached out and caught his arm. It wrapped around his arm tightly. 

Chakotay turned and stared at the drone. Anger boiled inside of him. 

“You could have killed our people!” He spat.

“We saved your people,” the drone responded coolly. “We are here with your captain’s permission. It was necessary to sacrifice our vessel to save yours. We are all that remains of the drones aboard our cube. We require to speak to your captain.”

“You can’t,” Chakotay said. “I’m in charge now. If you want to speak to anyone, you’ll have to speak to me.”

“That wasn’t our agreement,” the Borg stated.

“The captain is being treated in our sickbay,” Chakotay said. “In her absence, I’m the one you get to deal with. There’s no other way.” 

“We will need to begin work immediately on a weapon to use against Species 8472. The terms of our agreement must be negotiated.”

“You’ll stay in this cargo bay until we tell you what you can do,” Chakotay said, dismissing the annoying drone. “We have other things we need to deal with right now.”

“That is unacceptable,” the Borg stated. “We are Borg.”

Chakotay was trying to do everything he could not to lose his temper. He didn’t want to deal with the Borg. He wanted the entire hive wiped out of the universe. He certainly didn’t feel like he had the patience to sit and chat with this particularly needy drone. 

“And I’m the commanding officer on this vessel. It’s non-negotiable,” Chakotay said. “And if you try anything, I’ll have the cargo bay decompressed and I’ll have you all sucked out into space. You’ll stay in the cargo bay until we can deal with the situation at hand. Either that—or we’ll learn how well Borg can fly.” 

Not knowing what else to do, and nearly frantic to escape the Borg and see if Kathryn was alright, Chakotay walked away without leaving the Borg a chance to speak to him again. The female Borg that had been holding his arm, apparently chosen by the collective to speak for the remaining drones of her ship, released his arm without further argument. Clearly she was receiving some kind of communication to accept what he told her. It was just as well. He meant what he said. One wrong move and he’d send them all into space.

Right now, the Borg simply were not Chakotay’s greatest concern.


	79. Chapter 79

AN: Here we are. Another chapter that I was able to get edited today. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay could make out Kathryn’s body on the biobed when he looked over the doctor’s shoulder. She was still in her uniform. The doctor had stopped the bleeding, examined her, and had put some device that Chakotay knew nothing about over her head to help with whatever he was explaining to be the problem.

But nobody was sure how much anything could help her at this point. At least, that’s what Chakotay was hearing from the doctor. 

The words coming from the doctor made Chakotay feel dizzy. His heart, in protest to the words, was doing its best to give up pumping blood in a way that would keep him on his feet. It seemed to stop one moment and then pump far too much blood, far too quickly, the next. 

“If there’s a chance, it’s better if I do it soon,” the doctor said.

“Are you saying that—when you put her under, she might never wake up again?” Chakotay asked.

“It’s not that simple,” the doctor said. “Yes. That’s what I’m saying to some degree, but not putting her under won’t keep the degradation from taking place. Her neural pathways have been disrupted. There’s no telling at this point if she’ll recover at all. She may continue to simply slip away. If she does recover, I really won’t know for some time whether or not she’ll suffer any lasting damage.”

“What kind of lasting damage?” Chakotay asked, choosing to focus on survival because his heart couldn’t bear to think about anything else. 

“It’s impossible to tell,” the doctor said. “It could be absolutely anything. The damage is significant, Commander. I really need to get started soon to give her a chance at all.”

Chakotay nodded his head. 

“The baby?” He asked.

“For the moment, she’s stable,” the doctor said. “She’s been through a lot as well. The jolt of electricity could have caused damage that I’m unaware of, but the fact of the matter is that I’ve spent very little time assessing her condition. At the moment I’m more concerned with the captain.”

“Will she live?” Chakotay asked. “The baby?”

“It’s impossible to be certain,” the doctor said. “The entire situation is precarious at best. I would recommend that you begin looking for someone who is willing to be a surrogate in the chance that we see that Captain Janeway’s condition is rapidly deteriorating.”

“You mean...” Chakotay didn’t get to finish, and he was fine with that. He wasn’t sure what he would say anyway.

“There’s a very small chance that I could successfully transfer your child to a surrogate womb,” the doctor said. “We should have someone who’s willing to carry the child just in case. There’s a large chance that the baby wouldn’t survive the transfer, but if she remains with her mother—and if her mother passes—she has absolutely no chance of survival.”

Chakotay opened his mouth and sucked in a breath. He heard the anguished noise in his ears and asked himself it were possible that he was making that strange choking sound. He must have been because, when he focused on making the sound stop, it did.

The doctor looked at him with furrowed brows.

“I’m going to ask Kes to give you a tranquilizer,” the doctor informed him.

“No,” Chakotay said. “I’m in command.”

“That may not be the best position for you to be in right now,” the doctor said. “I could remove you from your position and put someone else—perhaps Mr. Tuvok, his wounds are superficial—in your place.”

“I think—Doctor—I think it’s the only place I can be right now,” Chakotay said. “Please. I’ll take a break. I’ll take a walk. I’ll spend an hour on the holodeck. Don’t take my command from me now. I’ll take a lap, but don’t take it from me.”

“I understand, Commander,” the doctor said. “And I’m sorry. She’s awake. She’d like to speak with you. I must ask you to keep it brief. Don’t tire her too much. I promise that I’ll do everything in my power—but you’ve got to give me the best chance to do that. You can’t keep her long.”

Chakotay nodded his understanding.

He’d never had a harder time crossing a room than he had in that moment. His legs felt heavy like there were weights wrapped around his ankles. Once his knees locked and another time they’d nearly buckled—it was impressive given the short distance he had to cover. In his mind, with every step that he took, he was praying to his ancestral gods, and every other deity that might exist in the universe, to somehow make this a nightmare and nothing more.

When he reached her, he forced himself to remain composed. She needed that. She needed his strength going into this—nothing else. He took her hand and leaned to kiss her lips, not caring who was watching or what they might think or say. She very weakly returned the kiss. 

“I’m sorry, Kathryn,” Chakotay said when he broke away from the kiss. “I love you.” 

He straightened up after leaving the words tenderly by her ear. She gave him a weak smile. When she spoke, she was struggling with her words. They came out slowly and spaced apart. Each one sounded like it was the most difficult thing she could say. But she persevered and Chakotay let her say what she needed to say.

“Don’t apologize,” Kathryn said. “I love you. But you have to listen to me. These are orders. You honor the agreement with the Borg. It’ll get you through their space. They will push you. They’ll try to bully you. But you’re strong enough. Don’t give in. You have to get this crew home, Chakotay. For me. That’s an order. You get them home.”

“I have an order for you,” Chakotay said. “As acting captain—so you have to listen to it. You have to fight, Kathryn. I want you to fight harder than you’ve ever fought for anything in your life. If not for yourself, you fight for me. You fight for her. Her life depends on your fighting, Kathryn. So—so you have to fight.”

Kathryn gave him a weak smile. 

“Find some peace, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “Some happiness.”

“I will,” he assured her, kissing her fingers. “Just as soon as you come back to me.”

“I’m sorry,” the doctor said, hovering near them with a hypospray. “I’m watching her vitals. I really have to do this now. Captain, are you ready?” 

Kathryn barely nodded her head. She didn’t take her hand from Chakotay and she didn’t take her eyes off of him. 

“I love you,” she offered once more. 

Chakotay echoed the sentiment as the doctor pressed the hypospray into her neck. He didn’t know if she heard his words or not. Her eyes closed to him and his heart seized up at the thought that he may never see her looking at him again. For a moment, he continued to hold her hand in his. He kissed it, rubbed his cheek against her soft, warm skin, and then he gently laid it over her stomach so that—if she could sense anything in her surrounding—she might be reminded that their daughter was counting on her.

“Can she hear anything?” Chakotay asked. 

“At the moment, she can’t,” the doctor said. “I’ll perform the surgery and leave her in a medical coma while she heals. At that point she may be able to hear. We really have no way of knowing one way or another.”

“How long before we know anything?” Chakotay asked.

“Things could go very badly at any time,” the doctor admitted. “Assuming that they go in our favor, however, it could be days. I’ll know a little more in a few hours. I’m temporarily removing you from your duties. Lieutenant Tuvok will take over until you’ve had a rest period. During this time, I would recommend that you consider looking for a surrogate just as we discussed.”

Chakotay swallowed.

“If she can hear you, then you’re not giving her any hope,” Chakotay said. He told himself to relax when he realized that his teeth were gritted together. 

“Of course we wouldn’t do anything until we were sure,” the doctor said. “It’s only in the best interest of the baby that we have a plan just in case.”

Chakotay nodded. 

He looked at Kathryn once more. He rested his hand over hers as it rested on her belly, just where he’d placed it. He closed his eyes and sucked in the deepest breath that his aching chest would allow him to draw. He had told her he was sorry, but he hadn’t told her everything he was sorry for. Even the word “sorry” didn’t begin to cover the depth of the feeling that was weighing like a stone in his chest. 

“Commander, I have to begin,” the doctor urged, scanning Kathryn.

“Please,” was all that Chakotay could manage to get out. It must have been enough. The doctor must have understood him.

“She’ll receive the best care that I can possibly offer her,” the doctor assured him.

Chakotay turned and left the sickbay, his legs feeling every bit as heavy as they had before and his lungs burning under the pressure of trying to breathe with the weight in his chest. He was almost out of breath when he reached the sickbay door, so he stopped and supported himself against the wall while he tried to suck in a breath.

Suddenly he was aware of how prickly he felt—how hyper-aware he was of everything—when he felt someone touch him and he heard the sound of a hypospray as something was pressed into his neck. He swatted at the offending person and made contact with Kes before she let out a half-swallowed yelp of surprise.

He hadn’t hit her hard, but he’d hit her harder than he should have.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry, he repeated when the words made him feel a little better about everything.

“It’s alright, Commander,” Kes said. “What I’ve given you will help you a little.”

“I don’t want anything,” Chakotay said. “I have a job to do. I have to...I have to get us out of here.” 

“It won’t last long,” Kes assured him. “And it won’t take you out completely. It’ll just—take the edge off, Commander. As I’ve heard you say before. You have a few hours before you’re allowed to take command again. You should spend that time resting. You need it.”

Chakotay glanced back toward the biobed, but he couldn’t bear to look in that direction. He closed his eyes to the sight of it and looked back at Kes.

“You don’t know what I need,” he growled at her. “You have no idea—you can’t even begin to comprehend—what I need.”

Whatever she’d given him might be meant to take the edge off, but Chakotay was pretty certain that he had some pretty sharp edges at the moment. 

“Do you need me to call Tom?” Kes asked.

“I don’t need Tom,” Chakotay said. “I don’t need hyposprays. I don’t need the doctor telling me to go and find a suitable surrogate somewhere on this ship...I—I don’t need you looking at me like you feel sorry for me. Because none of it will do me any good. None of that is what I need!”

“Commander—I think you need to go and cool down,” Kes said, her voice steady. “And I’m going to assist the doctor to make sure that everything goes as well as it can.”

Chakotay didn’t say anything else to her. He left the sickbay. He could feel whatever she’d given him in his veins. He could feel it hitting the wall of anger and frustration—whatever chemical his brain had pumped into his veins. He could feel the internal struggle. 

He could feel his struggle. 

He could feel how badly he wanted to simply drop down to his knees, right there in the corridor, and alternate between giving into some primal need to scream and tear and claw, and to give into the tears that were choking him and threatening to come out.

He did neither. Instead, he dragged his heavy leaden legs down the corridor and, blind to anyone who might have been moving around him, he headed for the holodecks. 

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AN: I just wanted to let you know that I’m writing whenever I can around work and real life. I’ve tried to respond to reviews, but if I haven’t responded to yours, please don’t think it’s something personal. I have to decide, sometimes, between responding and writing another paragraph toward getting a chapter out. I often choose to write the paragraph because if you’re commenting, then I know you’re reading, and I assume that you might prefer more to read. I just want to let you all know that I read every review you leave (many times, actually), and I greatly appreciate them all, even if I forget to say it individually. 

I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	80. Chapter 80

AN: Here we are, a little more to the story. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay was surprised when the forward swing of his bag was abruptly stopped. His bones and joints still ached from the pressure he’d put behind hitting the bag, so it should not have stopped in the middle of a forward swing. It should have gone forward and quickly returned back, ready to receive more the tension and aggression that he felt like he needed to release through his fists. 

Chakotay didn’t even know how long he’d been in the holodeck beating a bag into oblivion. He’d silenced the trainer of his program. He’d removed the other characters with which he might spar. He’d been fighting alone with nothing to keep him company except his rage and an abundance of self-pity. 

The punching bag swallowed up some of his frustration, but there was still plenty that was left behind. He wasn’t allowed to take command, though, for the time being, and he needed something to occupy his mind. He figured he was better off hitting the bag than accidentally hitting someone like he had done to Kes.

B’Elanna stepped out from behind the bag that she’d stopped before it could complete its trajectory. Chakotay hadn’t even heard her enter the holodeck and he hadn’t noticed her making her way toward the area where he was working out with his programmed equipment. 

 

“I guess you came to try to get me to talk about my feelings,” Chakotay said. He laughed to himself, unable to control it. B’Elanna laughed in response. She saw the irony of it as much as Chakotay did. 

 

“I'm probably not the best one to talk about controlling feelings,” B’Elanna said. “When they told me that you were walking around like you were just waiting to go off and that you’d hit Kes, I thought I might know where to find you. I thought about sending Tom, but it felt like it was more my area. We’ve been through a lot, Chakotay. What do you say? Do you want to spar with me for a while?” 

 

“I didn't mean to hit Kes,” Chakotay said. “I don't think I hit her hard, but that's no excuse. I shouldn’t have hit her at all.”

 

“She got in your way,” B’Elanna said. “I understand it. I may be one of the only ones on this ship that really, truly understands it. I’ve hit a few people that I didn’t quite mean to hit. Where you keep your gloves? Let's go a few rounds.” 

 

“I don't want to fight,” Chakotay responded.

 

“What's wrong, Chakotay? You think I can’t handle you? How about if we go no-holds-barred and I just let my Klingon side out to play? Or do you think I'm not strong enough for you?”

B’Elanna was taunting him and Chakotay was pretty sure that she simply meant to drive him to some kind of action. B’Elanna was often more comfortable with action that she was with feelings—particularly feelings that weren’t anger or rage. Her call to action, though, wasn’t really working, though. He shook his head at her. He backed up to the nearest wall and slid down it until he found the floor. He was tired. He was suddenly very tired and every part of his body felt like it weighed a thousand or more pounds. As long as he’d kept hitting the bag, he’d kept everything at bay. Suddenly it hit him like a tidal wave and he was too fatigued to stand up to it.

 

“I'm sure you're strong enough,” he said. “In fact, it's me that I'm not sure is strong enough.”

 

B’Elanna joined him on the floor in a quick and fluid motion. She didn’t seem to feel nearly as heavy as he did. If she did, she would have simply dropped to the floor like a stone.

 

“I understand it, Chakotay,” B’Elanna said. “I really do. And maybe you're right – because I heard about what you said to Kes. Maybe you're right. None of us know when you're going through. None of us know exactly what you need. You're the only one who knows that. But what I do know is that you're worried about somebody that is every bit as strong as you are or I am—and you know how strong she is.” 

Chakotay changed his position so that he could sit more comfortably and rest his head against the wall behind him. 

 

“And the baby?” He asked. “She’s not very big and she’s not very strong—and that electrical current was strong enough to kill something like several hundred Borg drones.” 

 

B’Elanna smiled to herself.

“But it wasn’t strong enough to kill Captain Janeway,” B’Elanna said. “And—the baby? Tiny captain or first baby or whatever you want to call her? She’s got the two of you for parents. She’ll be fine.”

 

“So you came here to cheer me up?” Chakotay asked. “To tell me that everything would be fine?”

 

“I came because I was worried about you,” B’Elanna said. “I heard what happened. Tuvok found me specifically to tell me. It’s not like Tuvok to show anything even akin to concern, but there was something there. Even his cool Vulcan exterior couldn’t hide that there was a little something brewing underneath. He told me about the accident. He said that the cube took a few hits from Species 8472. Their relays blew and the consoles exploded. It killed a lot of the drones. He said Janeway was very close to one of those consoles when it blew. Tuvok thought that maybe someone should talk to you—someone who might have some insight into how you think.”

“You’ve got insight into how I think?” Chakotay asked.

“Maybe better than most,” B’Elanna said. “I’ve served with you longer. She’s stronger than those Borg drones were, Chakotay. It killed them instantly.”

“She’s a force of nature,” Chakotay said.

“And you’d do well to remember that,” B’Elanna said. “Keep that at the front of your mind. But I can understand why you're worried, and I'm not going to tell you not to worry. I'm going to tell you that she's in good hands, and I'm going to tell you that if anybody can get through this, she can. I'm also going to tell you that, if you need it, I'll be your surrogate. I was told you might be looking for one. You won’t need it, but I don’t want you to worry about it. If you need me, I’ll do it.”

 

Chakotay looked at her and furrowed his brow.

 

“I didn’t want to choose someone,” Chakotay said. “It feels like I'm giving up on her.”

B’Elanna shook her head.

“And that’s why we won’t say anything else about it,” she said. “Because nobody’s giving up on her. I’m not giving up my body that easily, either. I know she’s going to fight this.” 

 

“I’ve been fighting with her for over a week,” Chakotay said. “I've been sleeping separate from her. Eating on a different schedule even before she went to the cube. I’ve hardly even spoken to her if it hasn’t had to do with the Borg. I should have spent this time with her. I should have told her I was sorry days ago. Now all I can think is—I’d give anything to have her standing here. Even if she was disagreeing with me, I’d give anything just to have her well enough to stand here and disagree with me.”

“I think she knew you were sorry,” B’Elanna said. “Or that you would eventually make up with her. If that’s any consolation.”

 

“It's honestly not,” Chakotay said.

 

“I figured as much,” B’Elanna said. She moved a little closer to Chakotay on the floor and leaned her head against his shoulder. “But hold onto that feeling of wanting to see her even if she’s arguing with you. Remember it for the future, maybe. Chakotay—I don't know if it makes you feel any better, but we’re all worried. Everyone’s just dealing with it in their own way. They’re dealing with it in the way that concerns them the most, perhaps. Captain Janeway has believed in me in a way that very few people have in my life. Maybe you were the last to believe in me that way. It seems like—if she couldn't pull through this – it would make me feel like there was a good chance that none of us had anything to hope for. I'm afraid it would do that for a lot of the crew. So we’re all believing that she simply has to pull through this.” 

 

“This is the Borg’s fault,” Chakotay said. 

 

“If having someone to blame makes it easier for you, it’s the fault of Species 8472,” B’Elanna responded. “I hate the Borg just as much as you do, Chakotay, but they've done what we asked them to do so far. We haven't been assimilated. Janeway and Tuvok have been working on their cube for a few days. They’ve been treated kindly, especially given that this is the Borg. All their needs have been met. The Borg sacrificed their ship and most of their drones to save us. We couldn't ask much more of them than that. They didn't mean for the explosion to happen. It was an act of violence against us and them.” 

 

“She wants me to continue the agreement,” Chakotay said. “She wants me to continue through Borg space, with them as our guides. It would mean meeting up with other cubes. It would mean the possibility of an attack by Species 8472 again.” 

 

“They've done what we've asked them to do,” B’Elanna said. “And it’s really only right that we uphold our end of the bargain. It’s in our best interest to have the Borg as our allies, as much as I hate to admit it right now. Species 8472 attacked both of us. If it hadn’t been for the Borg cube, we’d all be dead right now.”

Chakotay sighed. 

 

“Voyager can't fight Species 8472,” he said. “Not alone.” 

 

“All the more reason for the alliance,” B’Elanna said.

 

“The Borg can't fight them either,” Chakotay said.

 

“With the weapons,” B’Elanna started, but she didn’t finish. 

 

“This might not even be our war,” Chakotay said. “It might not be our fight. It could be that they leave us alone if we’re not in alliance with the Borg. Continuing forward might mean that we sacrifice other people. It might mean that we lose the ship entirely. On top of that, we're putting our trust in the Borg.”

 

“We have our orders,” B’Elanna said. “And maybe this is the only way that we get through this. We have no reason to believe that Species 8472 would leave us alone. If Kes’s premonitions are anything to go on, they want us dead just for being inferior in their opinions. I don’t see any way around it. It seems like we’re going to have to move forward with the Borg if we want to make it through their space. Right now, though, my biggest concern is getting you through what you’re going through so that we can count on you. Right now, we can’t count on you, Chakotay.” 

 

“You can count on me,” Chakotay said. “I’m fine. She’ll be fine—so I’ll be fine.” 

 

“She will be fine,” B’Elanna said. She patted Chakotay on the leg. “But just remember, if you need me, I am here. Anytime.” She stood up. “You need to get a little rest. You're looking tired, and we have a cargo bay full of drones to deal with as soon as you’re given command again.” 

 

B’Elanna left without saying anything else. She left Chakotay on the holodeck, sitting with his back against the wall. He remained there for what felt like a very long time. Maybe he even dozed off there and napped for a while. He really couldn’t recall how long he’d sat there or how his mind had filled the time. Finally, he simply stood up and left the holodeck. He walked toward sickbay, hoping for an update, all the while running thoughts over in his mind about what they might do and how they might handle things.


	81. Chapter 81

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The doctor met Chakotay at the sickbay door when he got there. He immediately gave Chakotay an update on Kathryn since there was no need for niceties or pretending that there was any other reason why Chakotay might be stopping by the sickbay before he took the rest that they were requiring him to take before he could take command. 

“She's not awake,” the doctor said. “But the surgery went well. Better than expected, really. She’s stable. I’ve got her in an induced coma. She can't wake up because I'm not allowing it.”

 

“How long will she stay in the coma?” Chakotay asked.

 

“It's hard to say without observing her a little longer,” the doctor said. “I want her to stay in it until I'm sure she's healed. I want to give her time. I have no way of knowing exactly how much time she’ll need.” 

Chakotay nodded his understanding. The doctor’s tone sounded a great deal more hopeful than it had before. That was comforting in itself. Chakotay wanted Kathryn awake. He wanted the chance to apologize to her for everything. He wanted to hold her in his arms again and pretend that all of this had simply been some kind of horrible nightmare from which he’d taken far too long to awaken.

But he could be patient for her to get what she needed. He could wait if the waiting benefited Kathryn and, by extension, their daughter. 

 

“Are you sure she could wake up,” Chakotay asked. “If she were able? She’s not—in a true coma?”

 

“I’m almost certain at this point that she could wake up,” the doctor said. “The surgery was successful. I was able to repair a good bit of the damage. But there are certain things that I simply can't heal. It’s going to take a little time for those things to heal and for her neural pathways to start functioning entirely normally again. She needs rest. Her brain needs rest. Even with the regenerator in place, she's going to need a little time. I can say that I'm pleased with the surgery, and I can say that I'm pleased with how she handled it. For the rest, we simply have to wait.”

 

Chakotay nodded his head. His heart was aching. His throat felt like it was closing. It was difficult to breathe. This time it was a different feeling, though, than the one that he’d felt when he’d left sickbay the first time. This time he was choking on his relief over the fact that there was a good bit of optimism in the doctor’s words. 

“The baby?” Chakotay asked.

 

“Stable,” the doctor said. “I’m monitoring her. As long as we can keep her mother stable, I have no reason to believe that she won’t remain so as well. The captain is sedated, however, so the fetus—your baby—is sedated as well.”

 

The doctor had made it clear since he began treating Kathryn for the injuries she’d suffered that the baby was the least of his concerns at the moment. Chakotay hadn’t pressed him because he’d trusted the EMH to make the best decisions possible.

Besides, it wasn’t like Chakotay felt like he could make some kind of choice over which of them—Kathryn or the baby—should have the attention of the EMH. If he’d been forced to choose, himself, then he’d forever feel guilty if something should happen to one of them. 

It was better to let the doctor make medical decisions. He was better prepared to do that. That’s why he was there. 

But now, it seemed like the worst of the emergency might be over. Now they had to wait. Waiting meant that there was hope. Waiting meant that there was time. 

“Have you had a chance to see if she suffered any damage?” Chakotay asked. “Will she—will she have any problems after she’s born?” 

 

“I won’t definitively know the answer to that until after she’s born, Commander,” the doctor said. “I’m still not certain what’s going to happen with her mother. Things could always take a turn that I’m not expecting. In the same way, there are always things we can't predict. But all the scans that I've done are coming back normal, so I wouldn't be too concerned about it at this point.” 

The doctor shook his head and did his best to summon up the emotion that he was learning as he spent more time with them—a bedside manner that hadn’t originally belonged to his subroutines. 

“Commander, I don’t want to get your hopes up too much,” the doctor said. “We're still not out of the woods with the captain. I’m hopeful, but there’s a lot ahead of us before I can confidently say that she’s going to pull through. For the time being, she’s still my priority. I’ll monitor the baby, but that’s really so that we’ll know that we need to attempt to transfer her if that time should come.”

“I understand,” Chakotay said, nearly choking on his words. “But—you’re feeling more optimistic.”

“The captain is very strong,” the doctor offered. “And she’s very stubborn. The fact that she’s made it through all of this says something. She’s not giving up without a fight. We’re going to do everything we can to help her win that fight.” Chakotay nodded. “Have you found a surrogate? Just in case?”

Chakotay nodded again.

“If we need her, B’Elanna has offered to be a surrogate,” Chakotay said. “However, I don’t want that—not unless there’s absolutely nothing else we can do. I feel like Kathryn would be devastated to wake up and realize that it wasn’t her that was carrying our daughter.” Chakotay shook his head. “She’d only be more devastated if she woke up to learn that our daughter was—well, that she was gone.”

“It’s simply a precaution,” the doctor reiterated. “And hopefully one that we don’t have to exercise.”

“Can I see her?” Chakotay asked. 

 

“Of course,” the doctor said. “Whenever you like. As you know, I have no need for sleep, so I won’t put limitations on when you can see her. I know you’ll have a great deal to focus on when you resume command. The captain has already had a few visitors. She's got quite the support team. Everybody wants her to get better as quickly as possible.” He looked a little like he rethought his words. “Not that anyone doesn’t want to see you in command,” he added.

“I’m not offended,” Chakotay offered him quickly. “And I’m glad that everyone is here rooting for her. I hope she can hear them. I hope that it keeps her going in the right direction.” He laughed to himself. “Believe me, there’s nothing that I want to see more than her taking command from me again. I hope it’s soon. The sooner, the better.”

The doctor led Chakotay over to the biobed. Kathryn was lying there, and instead of being dressed in one of the teal gowns they wore in sickbay, she was simply wrapped in one of the teal blankets. Chakotay didn't know much about the equipment surrounding her, but he assumed that the piece positioned over her head must be the regenerator that the doctor spoke of. It would be helping to restore her damaged neural pathways. It would be helping to take care of everything the doctor hadn't been able to take care of while he’d been performing the surgery that she’d already come through. There was only so much, after all, that an EMH could do. Kathryn would simply need to heal.

She looked better than she had the last time that Chakotay had seen her, though. He thought some of her color was back. He thought she looked peaceful and relaxed. He was choosing to believe that was evidence that she was doing well and not just evidence of the medication that the doctor had given her to keep her motionless and unconscious. 

 

“May I touch her?” Chakotay asked. His chest ached to have permission to at least hold her hand in his. 

 

“Of course,” the doctor said. “She’s not breakable. I’ll give you some privacy.”

 

“Can she hear me?” Chakotay asked.

 

“We're not sure,” the doctor responded. “Nobody really knows. We have no way of knowing what’s going on in her mind. But there's always a chance, so you should talk to her. It's possible she's able to sense your presence even if she can’t hear you.”

 

Chakotay sighed, not really realizing that he was holding his breath until he felt his lungs straining against their desire to rest. 

“Is she in any pain?” He asked. 

 

The doctor’s features softened—more evidence of his adapting program and growing bedside manner. He shook his head. 

“I've given her something to ensure that she's not in pain,” the doctor said. “She’s simply resting at this point, and she’s healing. She’s exactly as we want her to be. As long as there’s no change, right now, then things are going well. Let me know if you need anything, Commander. I've given Kes some time off, and I'll be in my office if there should be any problem.”

“Which ones are her vitals?” Chakotay asked, pointing to the display. 

 

The doctor gestured to some of the vitals that registered on the display. 

“These belong to the captain,” he said. “They’re all normal at the moment, as you can see. You don’t need to worry unless there’s a significant change—and I’ll be notified if that happens. And these are the baby’s. They’re also within normal ranges.”

Chakotay eyed the numbers that meant very little to him from a scientific standpoint, but they meant a great deal to him emotionally. Those numbers—holding steady for the most part—meant that Kathryn was holding on. It meant she was there. She was alive. Their daughter was alive.

Kathryn was fighting, just exactly as Chakotay needed her to be doing. 

 

“Thank you, Doctor,” Chakotay said. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.”

 

The doctor went to his office and left Chakotay standing by the biobed. Chakotay carefully wrapped his hand around Kathryn’s hand. He lifted it and brushed his lips across her fingers. Then he leaned and gently wet her lips with his own. His heart swelled simply at the thought that he was still able to do that. He hadn’t lost the ability to kiss her.

He prayed he never did.

 

“I want you to sleep as long as you need to sleep,” Chakotay said. “I’m not rushing you. Nobody is rushing you. I want you to rest as long as you need to rest. But I don't want you to stop fighting. Never stop fighting, Kathryn. Do you hear me? Everything's fine. And anything that’s not fine—it’ll be fine. I'm going to handle everything. It may not be exactly like you wanted me to do it, but I'll figure it out. I'll do my best. The crew will work with me. One way or another, Kathryn, we're going to make this all right. You told me to get this crew home, and that's what I'm going to do, even if it means I have to do it my way. I hope you'll be able to understand that. I’ll get them home, though. I’ll get all of us home. You just rest however long you need to rest and don’t worry about anything.”

 

Chakotay brushed Kathryn’s hair back where a few pieces of it had escaped and were sticking to her forehead. He leaned down and brushed his lips over her forehead. He brushed them lovingly over the small scar above her eyebrow that she’d gotten before dermal regeneration had been quite as advanced as it was now—a scar that he’d come to love because it was unique and belonged to her. He brushed his lips over her cheek, and then he let them land gently on her lips again. There was no proof left of the gash that she’d worn when she’d been beamed over from the Borg ship, and there were no scars from the surgery she’d undergone in the doctor’s care. To look at her, he might simply believe that she was sleeping very soundly. 

Chakotay rested his hand on Kathryn's belly. Kathryn was perfectly still. Chakotay hadn’t felt his daughter move yet—though he hoped now, even more than before, to feel her soon—and she was still, too, as far as Chakotay could tell. 

They were both resting. Chakotay reminded himself of that. They both needed to rest. 

Chakotay glanced back toward the doctor’s office. The EMH was still activated, but he appeared to be giving Chakotay the privacy that he’d promised him. He didn’t appear to be watching Chakotay or listening at all to what he had to say. Chakotay leaned toward where his hand rested over the spot where he imagined his daughter was sleeping.

“You rest too,” he said quietly. “It's going to be all right. Your mama is going to get you through this, and I'm going to get her through this.”

 

Chakotay stood up and pressed another kiss gently to Kathryn’s lips. He’d have to go, as the doctor had dictated, and rest before they’d allow him to take command again. He’d have to lie down for at least an hour. Then he might be able to convince everyone that he was feeling better and quite in control of himself. Then he might be able to take command and deal with this Borg situation. He might be able to find a way to get them all out of danger. 

Kathryn would forgive him when she realized that they were all safe. She’d forgive him when she realized there were other ways to get home—and other places to call home if the Alpha Quadrant was an impossibility.

She simply had to forgive him. 

She might not understand it immediately, after all, but he was doing it for her. He was doing it for all of them. He wanted to give them all the best shot at survival that he possibly could. 

He leaned close to her ear, promising himself that she could hear him.

“I’m sorry—for everything,” Chakotay offered. “Sleep well. I’ll be back to check on you soon. I love you. Always.”


	82. Chapter 82

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

There’s an author’s note at the end explaining a mistake/writing problem that I may have made in the previous chapters.

I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay told everyone that the nap had done him wonders. He told them that he felt much better. He was in control of his emotions now. He was ready to take command again. Part of what he said was true. He was really was feeling better, though he thought it probably had more to do with the doctor’s promise that Kathryn was doing well, and less to do with the fact that he’d slept for about an hour while having fitful dreams about the Borg. 

 

As soon as they had allowed him to take command, Chakotay had sent for the Borg drone that was acting as the go-between for Voyager and the collective. He met the drone in Kathryn’s ready room and glared at it. The drone—who had once been a human female—was one drone among the collective and nothing more, but at this moment she was the embodiment of the collective. She was the embodiment of that which had almost cost him everything and may still cost him far more than he was willing to lose. 

The amount of anger and hatred that Chakotay felt for the drone was enough to even frighten him a little, but he kept it as controlled as he could. 

 

She had already told him, during their first meeting together, that they would turn around and travel several days in the opposite direction of where they were going—back into the heart of Borg space and right back into the direct path of Species 8472—so that they could rendezvous with another Borg cube. Chakotay did not even have the words to tell her how much he rejected the plan that she was proposing. 

But he’d sent her away and agreed to meet with her again once he’d had time to “think about it” and to meet with the rest of the senior officers. Some of them preferred Kathryn’s plan, and some preferred Chakotay’s. They would never get everyone the same page at once and Chakotay had been put in this position to make the hard decisions. That was exactly what he intended to do. 

There was no way that he was putting his family—immediate or extended—into anymore danger if it could be avoided. 

“I thought about it,” Chakotay said the second time the drone stood in front of him in the ready room, “and we discussed it. We're not going with you. We're not going to meet the Borg cube. There's a planet two days from here. In the direction that we’re already traveling. We will leave you and the rest of the drones on the planet. We’ll provide you with the nanoprobes that we promised you—the ones we’ve already got prepared—and then you can communicate with your collective to tell them that we’ve upheld our end of the bargain and they should let us continue through their space.”

 

“That is unacceptable,” the drone informed him.

Chakotay swallowed down the anger that bubbled around inside of him.

 

“It will simply have to be acceptable,” Chakotay said, “because it isn’t up for negotiation.” 

 

“We need to speak with your captain,” the drone said. “We will discuss what needs to be done with her.”

 

“You can't,” Chakotay said. “Because you almost got her killed. Now she can't speak to anyone, and we don't know when she'll be able to speak to anyone again.”

 

“We must speak with her,” the drone insisted.

 

“You must speak with me,” Chakotay said. “Because I am the captain now, at least until she wakes up. It's not up for negotiation. We’ll uphold our end of the deal. We're giving you the nanoprobes, and then we're continuing on our way through your space as quickly as possible. Compared to Species 8472, we're nothing. We're no threat to them or you. Perhaps, if we get away from the Borg, then Species 8472 will simply leave us alone.”

 

“You are being foolish,” the drone informed Chakotay. “You’re allowing your personal emotions to interfere with what needs to be done. It is human. It is weak. Your ship is divided. You allow every little being on the ship to have an opinion. As a result, you cannot do what needs to be done. You are not unified. You are fractured and you do not work together. This makes you weak. It will cause your downfall.”

 

“You might be right,” Chakotay said. “But I have to do what I have to do to try to save my people. In two days, we’ll arrive at the planet and we’ll deposit you and the other drones on the surface with the nanoprobes that we’ve promised you. Contact your collective and they’ll come for you. We’ll expect you to uphold your part of the agreement and give us safe passage.” 

 

“We require the use of your ship and your weapons,” the drone insisted. “This will not do. It is unacceptable.” 

 

“You don't need our technology,” Chakotay said. “You have more than enough.” 

 

“We will not go,” the drone said. “You're breaking our agreement. We will assimilate you.”

“We’re upholding our end of the agreement and we’re giving you the technology that we promised. We never promised that we’d stay with you for as long as you liked. You’ll be confined to the cargo bay. If you make any attempt to interfere with anybody on the ship, I'll decompress the cargo bay and release you all into space. We’ll all learn how well the Borg can fly. That’s the last I’m going to say on the matter.”

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For two days, Chakotay wore out the floors between the bridge, his quarters, and sickbay. Throughout the day and sometimes even in the middle of the night, he made trips to sickbay to hold Kathryn’s hand, touch her cheek, or simply to watch the rising and falling of her chest as she breathed. He would stand and watch her vitals. He found the numbers comforting, even if he didn’t understand all of them. They represented life. They were a promise that she was still there. She was still with him, even if she wasn’t entirely present, and she would be back soon. 

At the end of two days, they reached the planet’s orbit. Tuvok let Chakotay know that it was time to prepare the drones to leave the ship, and he reminded Chakotay of that which he was already aware. The Borg would not go quietly. Chakotay was prepared, though. He expected resistance. What he didn’t expect was that the resistance would happen the way that it did. 

 

“When we get close enough to the surface,” Chakotay said, “we’ll transport the Borg and the prepared container of nanoprobes to the surface of the planet. Then we’ll go to warp eight and travel as long as we can maintaining that speed. I want us to pass through Borg space as quickly as possible. B’Elanna is keeping her communication line open and she’ll let us know if there are any problems with the engines. We have a much better chance of surviving this if we get out of the way of the Borg and Species 8472 before they have too much more time to pay us attention. We need to stay off everyone’s radar.” 

“Aye, Commander,” Tuvok responded. The rest of the bridge crew had heard him, too, and B’Elanna was listening through her combadge even though she was currently in engineering instead of taking a place on the bridge. 

 

“Commander,” Harry announced, “there is something you should know. The Borg appear to have entered our computer system. They're accessing our deflector ray from the cargo bay.”

 

“Stop them,” Chakotay commanded.

“I’m locked out, Commander,” Harry responded. 

 

“They’ve locked out helm control as well,” Tom said, adding to what Harry had reported. 

“Tuvok, do you still have security control?” Chakotay asked.

“I do,” Tuvok said. “They’re interested in controlling where the ship goes and some limited functions of what she does, but they are paying me little attention.”

Chakotay didn’t hesitate to give his next command. He had no love for the Borg drones. In fact, he loathed them much more than he wanted to loathe anything that was even remotely living. Species 8472 might be the only thing that he cared for less than the Borg at that moment. 

“Decompress the cargo bay,” Chakotay said. “Open the cargo bay doors. Let’s move these drones to open space.” 

 

“Aye, commander,” Tuvok responded. 

They waited patiently while the cargo bay cleared of Borg drones.

 

“The cargo bay is clear, Commander,” Tuvok said, “except for one drone. The drone appears to have found a way to lodge itself inside the cargo bay.”

 

“Lock down the cargo bay,” Chakotay said. “Send a security team down there to guard the doors. I don't want that Borg drone getting out of the cargo bay. Harry, can you get the computers back?”

 

“No, Commander, it appears the Borg still have control. The remaining drone is using the deflector ray and a subspace anomaly is beginning to form. It appears the Borg is responsible for opening it with our ray.” 

 

“Can we close it?” Chakotay asked.

He never got a spoken response, though, because there wasn’t time. Almost immediately, the yawning subspace anomaly sucked Voyager inside. They were dragged by the pull created from inside the anomaly. The ship rocked under the almost immediate and dramatic change in pressure from the outside.

 

“Where are we?” Chakotay asked. 

“We appear to be—somewhere else,” Harry offered. “The atmosphere is different.” Chakotay was a little annoyed by the lack of answer, but he assumed that maybe Harry had nothing better to offer. The reaction to the ship in response to the change in her surrounding atmosphere had produced a groaning noise that concerned Chakotay. He wanted to make sure that their engines retained full power. They may very well need that power to get back from wherever they were. Chakotay touched his combadge. 

“B’Elanna—report. What’s taking place in engineering? How are the engines?”

 

“Everything's fine in engineering,” B’Elanna reported. “There was a hiccup in the warp core, but I believe it was the changing of the atmosphere. Everything appears to be normal now.”

“What can you make of the change in the atmosphere?” Chakotay asked. 

“According to the readings that I’m getting,” B’Elanna reported, “we’re no longer in space. Rather—it appears we’re in the absence of space. We’re in a type of bio-fluidic atmosphere.”

“We’ve seen these readings before, but it wasn’t from space. It was from a ship. We’re in the home of Species 8472,” Harry said suddenly. 

Chakotay’s blood ran cold. The Borg had taken them straight into the lair of the enemy. 

“Get us out of here, Tom,” Chakotay commanded. 

“It’s not possible, Commander,” Tom responded. “I still don’t have control of navigation and—even if I did—I have no idea how to open that anomaly again.” 

“Tom—you have control of the bridge,” Chakotay said. “Tuvok—come with me. Let’s see if we can’t get some answers about how we got here.”

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“You invited them into our realm,” Tuvok said, “because you were unable to assimilate them.”

The drone ignored Tuvok, but it didn’t matter. She’d already let it slip. Species 8472 was angry with the Borg—and perhaps with every other living thing in the Delta Quadrant—because the Borg had entered their space and they’d tried to assimilate them. 

This wasn’t Voyager’s war at all. The whole thing had been caused by the Borg. 

They were truly helping the enemy at this point. 

“Our universe wasn’t big enough for you?” Chakotay asked. “You needed to go and conquer others?” 

The drone ignored him, as well. Instead, she simply reiterated—for the fourth time now—that they had only a few hours of time to work with, and that they needed access to the nanoprobes and Voyager’s weapons if there was any hope of surviving against Species 8472.

The ship had already been updated as to what was going on—all of the information given out on a need-to-know basis throughout Voyager—and they weren’t at red alert yet, but it was just a matter of time before they had to prepare for an attack or submit to the demands of the Borg. 

The brute strength of a Borg drone, the fact that they were almost impossible to kill, and the fact that he had no idea how to open an anomaly to get them back to the Delta Quadrant were the only reasons that Chakotay hadn’t actually tried to choke the drone to death at this point.

He couldn’t help but think that if the drone repeated her request once more, though, he might not even let those facts stand in his way. 

The only thing that saved him was the sound of his combadge. When he heard the doctor speak, his stomach dropped to the floor before his throat threatened to close up. Tuvok would have to keep an eye on the drone—and he hoped the Vulcan knew that since he forgot to give him that command.

He left at a full run even before the doctor was able to finish his sentence.

“Commander, I think you should report to sickbay as soon as possible.” 

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AN: It was brought to my attention that I may have accidentally made it seem that Chakotay cared more about the baby than he does Kathryn. I want to address this since I understand that can be a little problematic. 

I want to apologize. I never meant for that to be the case. It’s probably just a matter of me doing a poor job of expressing on the page what I’m thinking in my mind. That happens sometimes. Words can fall short of what we’re all thinking at times. For me, Chakotay loves Kathryn and he loves the baby, as well, but I have always thought of him loving the baby as this wonderful thing that the two of them have created together. In the last chapter, much of his focus went to the baby, but the reason for that is because, in the earlier chapters, the doctor had told him that the baby wasn’t a concern at all because time was of the essence with Kathryn. Chakotay made the comment, after finding out that Kathryn was stable and they were simply waiting for progress, that waiting meant they had time. In other words, they had time to worry about what they hadn’t been able to worry about before. 

I imagined, though probably didn’t explain well, that he’s worried about the baby and he’s also worried about how Kathryn would react if she were to wake up and find out that something happened to the baby. He wants to protect both of them.

I certainly never meant to imply that Kathryn wasn’t important to him or that the baby was more important to him. If I did, then I apologize for that. I don’t think it’s the case. I think they’re both important to him and, right now, he’s dealing with the possible loss of both of them since they’re so closely tied to each other at the moment. 

Anyway, I’m sorry for any confusion or discomfort. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I do something that’s disturbing. Like this, it may simply be a failure to communicate what I want. I will do my best to clear it up if I can.

I hope that you enjoyed the chapter. Let me know what you think!


	83. Chapter 83

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I thank you all for your feedback. It can be difficult sometimes to get across emotions the way that you want them to come across. I appreciate your feedback and I do ask that you let me know if there’s anything that you need clarification on. I can promise you, though, that I mean for there to be no shortage of love between Kathryn and Chakotay in the fic. 

I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay held her hand in his and watched her face.

Her vitals had started to change. There was a struggle taking place—an internal one—and the doctor had decided that it was likely her body fighting against the coma that he’d induced with medication. It was a sign that she was ready to come out of it. She was ready to start caring for herself, essentially, without the control that the medication kept over every part of her.

He would allow her to come out of it and he would see what happened. 

They would see what happened.

The doctor predicted that she may have some memory problems. He predicted that she may be disoriented for a few days. She would still need time to be completely back to normal. Chakotay had eagerly nodded his understanding of everything the doctor told him and he’d asked to hold her hand while she woke.

The doctor pressed the hypospray to Kathryn’s neck and injected her with the medication that would act against what he’d given before and allow her to wake. 

In the brief moment before her eyelids began to flutter, Chakotay was almost positive that his heart had stopped beating. A moment of hesitation felt like an eternity, and Chakotay filled that eternity with worry about what that delay might mean. 

He breathed out an audible sigh of relief and felt his eyes prickling at the first sight of her blue eyes searching him out. Her brow furrowed and he squeezed her hand, glad that he’d put himself in her direct line of vision. Maybe she wasn’t looking for him. Maybe she was simply looking for anything familiar that she could find, but he wanted to believe that she wanted it to be him. 

“Welcome back, Kathryn,” Chakotay said softly. 

The line between her eyebrows softened. She smiled softly at him and the smile started to grow. They had no idea how much she’d remember. They didn’t know what they might be dealing with. That smile, though, gave Chakotay enough hope that he felt like his chest might swell to the point of bursting. He mirrored her smile.

She swallowed like it was a little bit difficult, and then she spoke to him, her voice rough like the voice of anyone who hadn’t used it for a few days.

“Have you been holding my hand the whole time?” She asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. 

“Not quite,” Chakotay said. “But as often as I could.”

“I’ve barely been able to get him to leave sickbay,” the doctor filled in.

Kathryn furrowed her brow at Chakotay again.

“How long?” She asked.

Chakotay glanced at the doctor and the doctor nodded his head. He was free to speak openly. 

“A few days,” Chakotay said. “You scared me, Kathryn. I thought you might try to leave me.” 

Chakotay saw the fear the moment that it flooded Kathryn’s face and she jerked with the sudden need to move and verify things. Chakotay anticipated what she needed and his other hand went out to push her back to the biobed and to attempt to soothe her. 

“The baby...” Kathryn stammered, the words not quite a statement and not quite a question. Chakotay guided her hand down to where she was trying to get it—to rest over her belly.

“Is fine,” Chakotay offered. “She’s fine. I’m looking at her vitals right now, Kathryn. Right next to yours and hers are stable. But—I can see your pulse is erratic and your blood pressure’s abnormal.”

“If you don’t calm down, Captain,” the doctor warned, “then you’re going to make the alarms on the biobed go off.”

“She’s fine?” Kathryn asked.

“She’s fine,” Chakotay responded. “She’s going to be fine.”

“You clearly have a good memory of those in this room,” the doctor said. “Captain, do you recall why you’re here?”

Kathryn relaxed. Chakotay kept his hold on her hand. She was clutching his hand tightly, so he wasn’t sure that he could have let go of her if he’d wanted to. The other hand she absentmindedly trailed over her belly like she’d started to do since their little one had first announced her presence. Chakotay didn’t know if the baby was moving again, no longer stilled by the medication, or if Kathryn simply enjoyed the soothing movement.

“It was a console,” Kathryn said. “It blew up. On the Borg ship. Doctor—I think I’m alright.”

The doctor actually laughed at that and Chakotay felt a chuckle run through him as well.

“I’ll be the judge of that, Captain,” the doctor offered, steadily scanning Kathryn’s brain as they urged her to speak. “Let’s try something a little further back that we could know the answer to—just to be sure. How did you and the commander meet?”

Kathryn smiled at Chakotay.

“That’s easy,” she said. “You were Maquis. I was Starfleet.”

“Where did we get married?” Chakotay asked, preferring to have her dwelling on the good instead of possibly diving into thoughts of her original mission to capture him as her enemy.

Kathryn swallowed and looked a little pained by it. Chakotay reminded himself that the first thing he was doing when he let go of her hand was getting her a glass of water. 

It was clear that Kathryn had to search for the answer. The doctor had suspected that it was going to take her some time to return entirely to herself. For a few days, Chakotay would share command with her if she insisted on stepping back into a place of command. She still had to heal, but she also had to overcome the lingering effects of the medication that would dull her senses until it was entirely out of her system. Chakotay was nervous when she stalled on her response, but when he glanced at the doctor, the doctor simply nodded at him and watched the tricorder screen. He was satisfied that she was fine and she wasn’t struggling any more than he suspected she might. Finally, she arrived at her answer.

“Our home,” she said. “We got married in our home. New Earth. We exchanged vows.” She shook her head at him and concern came over her features. “We never officially married on the ship, Chakotay. I don’t know—what if it doesn’t count? It might not be legal.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. He leaned and kissed her. She accepted the kiss, but it didn’t entirely erase the concern from her features.

“If you’re worried about it, we’ll marry again,” Chakotay said. “Just as soon as you’re ready. We’ll have a ceremony on the holodeck and everyone can come and witness it. If anyone wasn’t sure that we’re really married, we’ll put their minds at ease.” 

“But first I’m ordering rest and some care,” the doctor said, turning off the tricorder. “You’re healing, but it’s going to take some time before you’re feeling entirely like yourself, Captain. Everything you’ll want to do—weddings and celebrations—will likely have to wait until we’re out of this—fluidic atmosphere.”

Chakotay didn’t know that a hologram could surprise itself, but it was clear that doctor had when he looked at Chakotay with shock in his eyes. Kes wasn’t there. She was staying close to Neelix who was dealing with the problems caused by her telepathic powers. Her outbursts, lately, though uncontrollable were disturbing and the doctor hadn’t wanted her to be present in sickbay and, by accident, to disturb Kathryn with an outburst of information. The doctor had been informed of everything that was happening with the ship, but Chakotay hadn’t imagined he’d share it with Kathryn before they were sure she was able to handle it. It was clear that the doctor hadn’t realized he would share it either.

Kathryn sat up, almost immediately, and Chakotay caught her shoulders to even keep her on the biobed. She seemed entirely unbothered by her state of undress and Chakotay could imagine that she might try to run out and take command of the ship while simply trailing the teal sheet behind her. 

Her reaction to everything set the alarms on her biobed off and the doctor turned them off when they started to howl. 

“Where are we?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay held her eyes. 

“I need you to listen to me,” Chakotay said. “And—I need you to remain calm, Kathryn. A lot has happened while you’ve been...away.”

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Kathryn’s head was throbbing despite the medication that the doctor had given her. He’d told her it would be possible that she’d have headaches for a while. He’d told her to expect that her mind might be a little fuzzy and her memory might come and go a little for a while. 

But the Borg didn’t need to know that. Nobody did. Not until the crisis was over. 

There would be time to nurse a headache and a fuzzy mind when all this was behind them.

The drone had told Chakotay that the division between them would be their downfall and she was right. Kathryn had a choice. She could be angry with Chakotay for what he’d done with the Borg, and she could create a rift between them, or they could work together to find a solution that might give them all a chance at survival. 

They had both decided that survival was what was important. They could work the rest out and it was much better when they had two heads thinking instead of one—especially given the slightly foggy feeling that Kathryn was dealing with.

There were things they would need to discuss, but now was the time for action and not for discussion. Right now they simply needed to work together. 

Her uniform felt tight and uncomfortable on her skin. Her throat was dry and scratchy despite the fact that she’d drank two glasses of water without stopping. 

Still, she stood beside the Borg drone and gave the command to fire the weapons that they’d hastily assembled to fight Species 8472. 

Given what they knew now about the Borg and Species 8472, this wasn’t their war. Species 8472 was angry because they’d been stalked and attacked. They were retaliating because of that anger. They were proof that anger didn’t accomplish great things—only destructive things.

Voyager had to fight, though, or they would be destroyed in the crossfire. 

The first round of bioships was destroyed by the weapons and Kathryn gave Kes, who was sitting in Kathryn’s chair behind them, the command to communicate telepathically with Species 8472 and to let them know that if they didn’t retreat, Voyager and the Borg would continue their attacks. She gave the command to load another weapon, just in case the first hadn’t gotten their attention well enough, and then she waited to see how Species 8472 would respond. 

“They’re breaking communication with me, Captain,” Kes informed Kathryn. “I can feel them leaving. They’re afraid. They’re leaving.”

Slowly, they retreated, just as Kes said they would. The sensors picked up proof that their ships were clearing out of the area. They were leaving Voyager alone, but it was too early to celebrate.

“It is a great victory for the Borg,” the drone announced.

Kathryn ignored her immediate desire to correct the drone. The arrogance of the Borg would never let them acknowledge that anyone had helped them and, besides that, Kathryn didn’t want the drone to get any ideas—especially ones she already feared were brewing somewhere in the hive-mind of the collective.

“They’ll leave us both alone now,” Kathryn said. “Open another singularity. Let’s return to the Delta Quadrant so that you can contact the collective and we can be on our way.” 

The drone didn’t respond to Kathryn verbally, but she did exactly what Kathryn asked. Kathryn watched the view screen and held onto the console in front of her when Voyager reacted somewhat violently to its passage back into space. As soon as the singularity had closed and it was clear that they were safely back in the Delta Quadrant, Kathryn touched her combadge to open communication. Those on the other end of the proverbial line didn’t acknowledge, however, because they wanted to keep their communication secret.

“Now you can return to the collective,” Kathryn said, “and we can be on our way.”

“That is unacceptable,” the drone said. “You have contributed a great deal to the collective. Now we will add your technology and knowledge to our own. You will be assimilated.”

“We were promised safe passage through your space,” Kathryn said. Chakotay had predicted this betrayal and he’d been correct. At least he also had a plan to deal with it. 

“That is irrelevant,” the drone responded. “You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”

The Borg was attached to the console that Kathryn slowly backed away from. The surge that ran through the console was meant entirely for the Borg and Kathryn didn’t want to risk absorbing any of the shock. She watched as the electricity ran through the drone’s body. She listened to the drone’s struggled responses. Snatches of her words came out, the rest of them no doubt being transferred in her mind.

Kathryn knew what was taking place. She knew that Chakotay had allowed himself to be connected to the drone with a transmitter. She knew that he was communicating with her—distracting her—while they shocked her enough to disconnect her from the collective.

They were using what they’d learned from Kathryn’s own responses to the electrical jolt she’d received to break the drone’s connection with the hive-mind. The only difference was they were using a controlled amount of electricity which was much less than that which had coursed through Kathryn’s body. 

Kathryn had offered to be the one to do it, but Chakotay had flatly refused to even entertain the idea. As far as the drone knew, he was in the brig for having gone against Kathryn’s commands. In reality, he was allowing his own mind to absorb the electricity that necessarily passed through him so that he could keep the drone engaged long enough for the surge to have its desired effect. 

And then the final jolt of electricity popped through the console and sent the drone to the floor, disengaged entirely. 

The line was still open, though the sound from the other end had been muted. 

“Chakotay?” Kathryn asked, almost afraid to hear an answer.

The doctor’s voice came over the line. 

“We’re beaming him directly to sickbay, Captain,” the doctor said. “His absorption of the electricity was minimal, however, and I suspect there will be very little damage.”

Kathryn’s stomach clenched at the thought of any damage at all. And then it flipped as she realized that what she was feeling in that instant was probably only the slightest indication of what he might have felt for the past few days. 

“I’m on my way to sickbay,” Kathryn said. “Janeway out.” She closed her communication and directed her attention to her bridge crew. There had been no time for happy reunions. There had been no time for any words to be exchanged that weren’t direct commands, and there was no time for any of it now.

That time would come later.

“Kes—come with me to sickbay. Tuvok, you have the bridge. Have the drone beamed to sickbay,” Kathryn commanded as she headed for the door.


	84. Chapter 84

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“Chakotay,” Kathryn crooned, leaning close to his ear, her hand against his cheek, “wake up. That’s an order from your wife.” 

He stirred slowly and took his time arriving at consciousness. The doctor had scanned him and had moved on to examining the Borg—satisfied that Chakotay would suffer nothing more than a few headaches from the event. Chakotay cracked his eyes open, finally, and looked at Kathryn. His brow was furrowed like he was angry at being woken. Kathryn smiled at him. 

“How dare you scare me like that,” Kathryn chided. She couldn’t put any real emotion behind the words. She bit her lip to swallow back her smile at the way he was looking at her. He brought his hand up to touch her cheek and Kathryn leaned into him. She didn’t realize that tears were leaking from her eyes until he brushed them away.

“How long was I gone?” He asked.

“Half an hour,” Kathryn said. “Chakotay laughed to himself. He moved his hand around to squeeze the back of Kathryn’s neck. She shook her head at him. “Don’t you laugh at me. It was a very long half an hour.” 

“Don’t ever leave me again, Kathryn,” Chakotay said.

“I could say the same to you,” Kathryn pointed out, raising her eyebrows at him. “You went through exactly what I did.”

“I wouldn’t say exactly,” Chakotay said. “Our doctor controlled the volts for my experience. You were hit with enough electricity to disrupt your neural function and, before the doctor got in there, you were simply starting to shut down.”

“Old stories,” Kathryn teased, pretending she was bored with him. 

“The Borg?” Chakotay asked.

“The drone is severed from the collective,” Kathryn said. “We’re moving at warp eight. B’Elanna’s keeping a watch over everything. So far we’ve seen no interference from the Borg. There are no cubes paying us any attention. We might actually make it through their space without a problem. We’ve got the technology to handle Species 8472 if we need it.”

Chakotay sat up. Once he was sitting on the biobed, he looked around. Kathryn assumed he was looking for his shirt, so she brought it to him. He’d been stripped of the upper part of his uniform to make it easier to monitor him. 

“I almost hate to give this back to you,” she teased. He took it and started working his way into the layers.

“Am I free to go?” He asked.

Kes appeared almost as if on cue and started to scan Chakotay. 

“There’s no lasting damage,” she said. “But you’re probably going to have some headaches for a while.” She pressed a hypospray to his neck. “This should help, but you should come back for another dose after dinner.”

“Kathryn?” He asked, directing the question toward Kes. “The captain?” He corrected.

Kes smiled at him and quickly scanned Kathryn.

“There’s still some mild disruption,” Kes said. “Some inflammation. It’s what the doctor expected. A few days of rest and it should repair itself. You’ll need to continue with the medications that the doctor prescribed. You can stop by here at meal times.” She stepped away and immediately returned to press a hypospray into Kathryn’s neck. “That will help with the inflammation. The best medicine for you is rest, Captain.”

“She’ll get plenty of that,” Chakotay offered.

“You both will,” the doctor said, approaching them. “I’m relieving you both of duty for a couple of days.”

“What about the Borg drone?” Kathryn protested. “And we’re not out of Borg space yet.”

The doctor frowned at her. 

“You can be available for emergencies,” the doctor said, “and for consultation. But I want you to relax, Captain. Sleep as much as you like. Let your mind rest.”

“Just so I’m sure I hear this correctly,” Chakotay offered, helping himself off the biobed and coming to put his hands on either of Kathryn’s shoulders and to stand behind her, “you’re ordering her to relax?”

“That’s an order,” the doctor said. “For both of you.” 

Kathryn wanted to argue with him. She wanted to insist that she was as fine as she could pretend to be. She wanted to insist that there was no need to demand that she take it easy for even a moment longer. The truth was, though, that her head throbbed. On top of that, whatever Kes had just given her made her stomach feel queasy and unsettled. She was almost certain that their daughter wasn’t helping things because she could feel the odd thumping sensation of the baby’s fluttering movements. She dropped her hand and rubbed it over the spot where she could feel the baby.

Chakotay squeezed her shoulders.

“Are you alright, Kathryn?” He asked.

“She just started moving,” Kathryn said. She swallowed as a wave of nausea rose up from the queasiness. She swallowed again trying to force it down. “Kes—what—what did you...” She got her hand over her mouth and immediately started searching out the location where it would be appropriate to rid her body of—she couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten or what she might have taken in except for water.

Fortunately those around her were able to help her. She felt Chakotay’s arms around her and she barely felt that she even had to keep her feet on the floor to stay upright—something helpful given that the nausea came with dizziness—and Kes held a metal trough in front of her. If she was going to be sick, she had all the support that she needed for just such an embarrassing moment.

Her empty stomach didn’t allow her the satisfaction of being sick, though, and the hypospray that was delivered to her neck wiped away the nausea that caused her to do little more than gag in misery.

“Your medication should be taken after your meals, Captain,” the doctor said. “Not before them. I believe I neglected to tell Kes that.”

Kes apologized profusely for the mistake but Kathryn wiped away her apologies and offered her a hug to show her that there was no ill-will. 

“We’re going to eat now,” Chakotay said. “Immediately.”

“Doctor—we need to talk about the drone,” Kathryn said. 

“She’s severed from the collective,” the doctor said, shrugging off any concern she might have. “I believe that I can remove most of her Borg implants. The only decision that has to be made is whether we’re leaving her somewhere for the Borg to collect or you want me to go through with the surgeries required to return her to a more human state.”

“We’re leaving her somewhere,” Chakotay offered quickly. 

Now he was holding Kathryn, but he was facing her. He was practically holding her like a doll that he intended to simply carry away with him when he left the sickbay. The feeling of closeness was comforting and Kathryn wanted it more than she cared to admit at the moment, so when she pulled away from him, she didn’t pull away hard enough to make him break the hold.

“We can’t leave her somewhere, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “She’s cut off. She can’t contact the Borg and we have no idea if she can survive on her own.”

“And our alternative is to have a Borg on the ship,” Chakotay said.

“A disconnected Borg,” Kathryn said.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” the doctor said, “but she can’t remain too long in this state. I’ve got her sedated, but I’ll either need to move forward or we’ll need to find a suitable place for her.”

“We disconnected her from the collective,” Kathryn said. “We’re responsible for her now. Perform the surgeries necessary to save her life and return her to a near-human state. That’s an order.”

“Kathryn...” Chakotay started.

“We have a lot to discuss, Commander. A great deal,” Kathryn said. “Let’s do it over dinner. Please? My stomach is starting to feel unsettled again and—I don’t want to wait too long.”

Chakotay looked like he wanted to argue with her. He set his jaw in the hard way that he did whenever he was preparing to argue with her. Then he softened, though, and squeezed her against him. Once again she got the strange sensation of being a doll—something he was finding comfort in. His squeeze reminded her that he was using her to soothe himself just as much as he was soothing her. 

But it was mutually beneficial, so she didn’t fight him. She hugged him back and only pulled away from him when it was time to lead him out of sickbay.

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“Disobeying your orders was a difficult choice for me, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “But I had to do what I felt would save you. What would save Voyager.” He shook his head at her from across the table that Neelix set for them in their quarters so that they could enjoy privacy and quiet while they ate. “I don’t want to disobey you, but I had to do what I thought was best. I don’t want to fight with you, Kathryn. Not now and not ever. When you were there and I thought—the fight was the last thing we’d have. It nearly killed me.”

Kathryn sat back in her chair. She was feeling as relaxed as if she’d had several glasses of wine. Chakotay was having wine, but she wasn’t. Her relaxation came, perhaps, from the injury from which she was still recovering. Perhaps it came from the cocktail of medication that was coursing through her veins to try to handle every possible problem that might arise from her brain’s insistence on not healing instantly. 

Maybe she was simply feeling relaxed because she wasn’t as angry as Chakotay seemed to fear she would be. She breathed out a sigh and told him as much.

“I’m not angry, Chakotay. I’m relieved. We’ve gotten Species 8472 off our backs and it looks like we’re going to make it through Borg space.” She patted her belly. “We’re both here. The food was delicious. I made the doctor scan her while I was waiting for you to wake up and—our daughter seems to be doing fine. I couldn’t ask for much more since I know we won’t make it to the Alpha Quadrant tonight.”

“Is she kicking?” Chakotay asked. 

Kathryn rubbed her hand over the fabric of the soft cotton dress that she was wearing in their quarters. At the moment it felt a great deal better than her uniform. 

“No,” she said. “She hasn’t for a little while. At least since we sat down to eat. I like to think she’s just resting too. Doctor’s orders. She’s fine, though—even after all that. The electricity must have been hard on her.” 

“You protected her,” Chakotay said with a smile. “I’ve always told you that you’re her first line of defense.”

“And you’re my defense,” Kathryn said. She helped herself to the cooling cup of coffee in front of her—decaf to close out her meal and wash down the desert she’d polished off in its entirety. 

“I didn’t do a very good job protecting you from the Borg,” Chakotay pointed out.

“You protected me as much as I would allow,” Kathryn said. She hummed to herself, thinking about all they’d discussed over their meal. The conversation had jumped in every direction a dozen times. “I know you don’t want the drone on the ship, Chakotay, but I can’t just leave her somewhere. I tried to get her to answer questions about herself. She didn’t say much, but I got the impression that she was assimilated when she was very young. There’s a chance that she doesn’t know anything beyond the collective.”

“That’s just all the more reason that it would be dangerous to keep her on the ship,” Chakotay said. “We should drop her off somewhere. We haven’t left Borg space yet. We’ll just leave her somewhere with some rations. They’ll find her.”

Kathryn frowned at him and he mirrored the expression. 

“That would be cruel,” Kathryn said.

“We don’t know what she’ll be like,” Chakotay said.

“Exactly. I think we can work with her. I think we can offer her what she needs to become a productive member of the crew.”

“And when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant with a Borg in tow?” Chakotay asked.

“We’ve got plenty of time to worry about that,” Kathryn said. “And a disconnected Borg is hardly like bringing back the Borg queen.” 

“Will it make you happy?” Chakotay asked after a long moment. 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“Is that the only requirement for something to happen without your argument? I only need to tell you that it’ll make me happy?” Kathryn asked. 

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“Maybe I just know when I’m going to lose anyway,” Chakotay said. “Fine—we’ll keep her on the ship. But don’t be surprised if some of the crew isn’t happy about it. And don’t be surprised if she ends up being more trouble than she’s worth.”

“If she’s too much to handle then we’ll deal with it,” Kathryn said. “I’ll deal with it. I can’t just abandon her, though. Not when it was us who severed her link with the connective.” 

Chakotay nodded his acceptance. He frowned at his food.

“You look tired,” Kathryn offered. “Can we stop discussing work for the night?” 

“There’s very little that I’d like more,” Chakotay said. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out. “Tired doesn’t begin to cover how I feel right now.”

“You didn’t have the benefit of a few days of sleep like I did,” Kathryn said. She laughed to herself. “We got you up and moving immediately after your jolt.”

Chakotay wiped his mouth with his napkin even though he’d eaten very little of his dinner and Kathryn was sure that he hadn’t eaten anything since the last time he’d wiped his mouth.

“You’re making jokes,” he said. “Lessening the severity of it. And I know it’s not your intention, but it almost makes me feel like you’re making light of my feelings during all of this. You almost died, Kathryn. B’Elanna offered to be our surrogate. To try to carry the baby if you didn’t make it. I didn’t know if you’d live. And now—you’re making jokes about it.” 

Kathryn swallowed. She stood up from her spot and walked around the table. When she reached Chakotay, he looked up at her with question. She didn’t answer him verbally. Instead, she simply started to sit in his lap and, anticipating what was coming, he moved his chair back and allowed room for her to sit. She leaned against him and ran her fingers through his hair, rubbing at his temple. He kept his eyes trained on her.

“I only make light of the situation because I don’t want you to worry any more than you have to. I don’t mean to make light of your feelings, Chakotay. That must have been difficult for you,” Kathryn said. “Very difficult.” 

He wrapped his arms around her and gave her added insurance against the possibility of tumbling into the floor. He didn’t answer her with his mouth, but he answered her with his eyes. She leaned and kissed him, letting her lips linger against his skin. Then she leaned her face against his. “There’s still so much pain there, isn’t there?” She asked, breathing the question out at him. 

She felt the shiver that ran through his body.

“I thought I was going to lose both of you,” Chakotay said. “I thought—the Borg—Species 8472—I thought...”

Kathryn looked at him again and put her finger over Chakotay’s lips. He stopped talking. His eyes were so full of emotion. They were always full of emotion. They were truly windows to his soul. Right now, though, there was little more that she wanted to see besides some comfort in those eyes. 

“You know what would help me relax right now?” Kathryn asked. 

He shook his head at her. She smiled at him.

“A warm bath,” Kathryn said. “With my husband. At our cabin. If you’re done with dinner—why don’t you go and get it set up for us? Holodeck one? I’ll talk to Tuvok and check on things. I’ll let him know that we’ll have our combadges. Then I’ll call the doctor and check on things there. Stop by for hyposprays for both of us so we don’t have to leave the cabin tonight. I’ll meet you on the holodeck. Can we do that? Leave work here?” 

Chakotay nodded at her. He moved to kiss her and she returned the kiss with as much enthusiasm as she could. 

“I’d like that very much,” he said, leaning his face against her when he broke the kiss and still holding her in his arms. “Very, very much.” 

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AN: How many chapters are too many for one day?

I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your kind words. They mean more than you know. They make me very excited to share more with you! I hope you enjoy the chapter!


	85. Chapter 85

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay got up long before Kathryn woke. He changed the atmosphere of the holodeck program to the dawn feature that he’d added, and he took himself for a walk to let her rest for a while. The program was something he enjoyed picking at in his free time. It brought him a sensation of home to do so. On a starship, he could hardly build Kathryn a home in any other way, so he took pride in building her a little bit of a home on the holodeck. He put the trees into place. He put the plants into place. He’d added to the river, and he programmed the animals that roamed around the wooded areas nearby where he was slowly creating a nice walking trail that was perfect for strolling with Kathryn. He’d added an element of wildness, too, and an element of the unknown. He’d left some of the program open so that others could add to it as a bit of a surprise for Chakotay and their captain. Harry added a shade tree and a stone bench for watching the sunsets. Tom added some adventure that he promised they’d find eventually. B’Elanna added something around a bend of the river for them to discover. Anyone who wanted could contribute a little something to their paradise without them knowing exactly what it was until they stumbled upon it. 

 

As Chakotay walked, he made a mental note of things that he wanted to change or add to the program later. He thought about everything he wanted them to do together and everything he would like for Kathryn to see. He thought about how their daughter would one day find the place to be a peaceful little spot for all of them to vacation together. He wondered what it might be like when their family grew and one of his tasks was to expand the small cabin that would, very comfortably, house them whenever they wanted to be there. 

 

He distracted himself for a while, doing his best to give Kathryn plenty of time to rest peacefully, and then, finding a quiet spot in the wooded area, he settled down to give thanks to whatever spirits had kept Kathryn safe on the journey she’d taken while she was in the coma. She was on a different journey now, sleeping peacefully in their bed. This one didn't scare him. Instead of the unnatural stillness of the coma, Kathryn lie snoring quietly. She stirred around and rolled from time to time. She tangled the sheets around her legs and kicked against them when they bound her too tightly. When her dreams got overwhelming or busy enough, she mumbled things to people that Chakotay couldn’t see. She spoke to people who couldn’t really hear her. Chakotay didn’t fear what she was going through now, but still he asked the spirits to protect her as he always did when he sat down to seek council, give thanks, or make requests. 

 

Seeing her lost in her dreams didn’t frighten Chakotay because he knew that she was within reach. He had only to gently nuzzle her back into reality, and she would come slowly and happily back to him. But he didn't do that, because she needed to rest. In the cabin, she was resting very well.

 

When Chakotay had spent a great deal of time thanking the spirits for what they'd done and praying for what they would do, he left the wooded area and returned to the cabin. He made his way into the bedroom and shed the clothes that he’d put on to go outside and walk around. He gathered up the hyposprays that Kathryn would need first thing in the morning, and then he slipped into bed again and sighed at the welcomed coolness of the sheets. He moved, pressing his body up against Kathryn’s back, and absorbed her warmth. 

 

The night before, she had soaked with him in the bathtub, and she’d insisted that she had spoken to the doctor. They were cleared to make love if they wanted to. The doctor didn’t imagine that it would cause problems for either of them as long as they didn’t engage in anything that was simply naturally dangerous. The doctor had assured her, even, that some of the chemicals released by an orgasm could be good for the brain.

But Chakotay had turned her down. He’d suggested, instead, that they simply soak together in the tub and hold one another. He could see that she was tired and he’d been exhausted. He hadn’t told her, but he was afraid that he wouldn’t live up to her expectations. He was almost certain that he wouldn’t have lived up to his own.

 

He was rested now, though, and he was hungry for her in more ways than one. He was sure, too, that she’d had enough sleep to at least make her ready to face an easy and lazy day. He nuzzled the soft spot behind her ear. He raised up and reached for the hyposprays. They kept testing her to see if the morning sickness had passed, but so far it had always shown up. Today wasn’t a day when he wanted her to even have to suffer the slightest inconvenience of the nausea. He pressed the hypospray to her neck to unload the nausea medication and then the vitamins that she took daily. He returned the hyposprays to the bedside table and, seeing that she’d only barely stirred, he found his spot against her once more. He slipped his hands around her and, finding the bottom of her nightgown, he worked it up as best he could. Finally, pulling it up far enough, he rested his hand against her skin. He found her breast and gently caressed her nipple. 

Even without waking, Kathryn moaned at Chakotay’s movements and worked her way backwards toward him. She was seeking him out even in her semi-sleeping state. She fit him perfectly. In every way. With her body flush against his, Chakotay kissed her neck and he nibbled her year. He let his hand trail over her skin. He made soft circles over her belly with is palm. 

Something must have stirred that she responded to even more than she responded to his presence, because Kathryn practically jerked awake and her hand immediately came to cover his. She was suddenly breathing heavy for having come so quickly out of her sleep.

Chakotay kissed the side of her face and shushed her to try to calm her again. 

“It’s OK,” he said. “It’s fine. It’s just me. I gave you your medication already. Now we’re just in our cabin. In our little home. We’re just resting. There’s nothing to be alarmed about.”

Kathryn relaxed at his words. Her eyelids sagged a little. She turned just slightly onto her back and turned her face to him as well as she could in that position. She gave him a half-smile and then she tried to back her body up to get closer to him. She couldn’t go anywhere, though, because there was no possible way that they could be any closer together. Seeing that she’d relaxed, Chakotay rubbed his hand over her belly again and she switched hands so that her left hand could rest on his. Then she reached her right hand back to touch him. She searched him out with her fingertips. 

 

She still didn’t say anything to him, but Chakotay took a chance and slid his hand down further. She allowed him to move without following him with her own hand. He trailed his hand down to find the soft patch of curls and then he sought the wetness beyond. Kathryn opened her mouth in response to his caresses and closed her eyes. She didn’t speak. Her breath caught and she made a sound that wasn’t easy to identify. It was clearly a sound of pleasure, though, and she moved her legs to give Chakotay easier access to her body. The hand that had been searching him out stopped moving as she focused entirely on what she was feeling. 

Chakotay didn’t want to simply assume that she approved of his plan, though. He wanted to be sure that she’d been given the chance to respond to him verbally—since he already felt she was responding to him in other ways.

 

“Is this OK?” He asked. He might’ve liked a direct answer, but he wasn't going to get it. It was clear that the most direct answer she was going to give him right now was exactly what she offered—a strangled sound of pleasure that had a somewhat affirmative ring to it. He would simply have to accept that response. He teased her a bit with his fingertips and her body responded to the teasing. He lifted her leg, pulling it back over his body, and created enough space for him to be able to move and guide himself smoothly into her. 

Kathryn gasped and she offered him a few spat words that weren’t exactly belonging to the realm of poetry when he started to move his body and seek out a rhythm that would make them both happy. Kathryn’s words weren’t declarations of love exactly, but they were certainly declarations of approval. Chakotay held her somewhat tight against him as he moved. He bit at her skin and kissed her neck and back as the pleasure washed over him. Kathryn's foot ran down his leg as far as it could. She scratched at him with the fingernails of the hand that she’d reached back to seek him out. She bent her head back one moment and then she leaned forward like she was trying to bury it in the mattress the next. She moved her hips, demanding more from him if he let the rhythm slack at all. Chakotay tried to follow her desires based on the sounds that she made and finally she found her release. Chakotay had been biting his lip, trying his best to keep himself from getting there before her and leaving her disappointed, and he was relieved when it was finally his turn to seek out exactly what he wanted. He changed his position only slightly, adjusted his speed, and finally let himself go. 

 

Panting, sweating, and satisfied, Chakotay dropped against the mattress. Kathryn, for her part, rolled away from him and then, after a few moments of the two of them trying to get their breath, she rolled back to him. She made herself something that was practically a nest at his side and she curled against him. He wrapped his arm around her, already sensing that was all that she would need to find the comfort that she was seeking. She planted a kiss on his chest before she trailed her fingers over his chest and toyed gently with his nipple. 

 

“That’s precisely how I’d like you to wake me every morning,” Kathryn said with a snort. 

“Be careful what you ask for,” Chakotay said. He laughed to himself. “Maybe it was my repayment for being such a disappointment to you last night.”

 

“You didn’t disappoint me,” Kathryn assured him. “I was happy to be with you—however that might be.” 

“I appreciate your attempts to keep my ego intact, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “But I know you went to the doctor to ask him if it was OK. You must have wanted it. And there I was, unable to deliver.” 

“I asked more for you than for me,” Kathryn admitted. “I was tired. I wanted to sleep. But you looked so sad. I just wanted to give you something to make you happy. I thought you wanted to be with me.”

 

“I always want to be with you,” Chakotay said. “I did want to be with you. And I was with you. I didn't have to make love to you to be with you. And I don't want you to think that I always have to make love to you to be with you.”

 

“I know we don't have to make love,” Kathryn said, “but I know that’s something we both enjoy. I just thought—it might make you feel better.”

Chakotay swallowed. He moved his arm so that he pulled Kathryn tighter against him. She must have been at least a little uncomfortable because she pulled away from him enough to shift her position and then she returned and rested against him again. She kissed his jaw and rested her head near his neck. 

“I was sad because I’ve spent days thinking that each one might be the last time I see you alive,” Chakotay admitted. “It wasn’t about making love. If we never made love again...it wasn’t about that, Kathryn. It was about—if we never...if we just never were again.”

Kathryn shushed him. She raised her head to kiss him again and patted his chest in a manner that she meant to be soothing. She peppered his skin with kisses.

“But we are,” she said. “We just—are.” 

“I know,” Chakotay said quietly. “And the sadness was residual. Lingering. But it’s gone now.”

“So you’re happy?” Kathryn asked softly. Chakotay smiled to himself. It was such a wonderfully innocent question bubbling forth from a woman that he normally considered to be one of the most complex beings he’d ever encountered in the universe. He sucked in a breath and let it out, choosing to release the tension that even thinking about the past few days built up in his chest.

“With you, I’m always happy,” Chakotay said. “I think that even if we never made love again, I’d be happy as long as I could just be with you.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“Although I enjoy the sentiment, and everything it means, I hope it isn't the case,” Kathryn said. “I enjoy making love to you, Chakotay. And, after all, it would be quite difficult for us to have all the children we want if we’re never going to make love again.”

 

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to laugh. Kathryn was feeling well. She was feeling relaxed. And she wanted to tease him. He was in the mood to welcome her teasing. It was a sweet sound after the past few days when all he’d heard from her was silence.

 

“The doctor can help us,” Chakotay said. “You know as well as I do that making love isn’t a requirement for reproduction.” 

Kathryn made a sound that was at least related to a snort.

 

“I can see it now,” she said. “Come on in Captain. Feet in the stirrups. This'll probably be a little cold. There you are, that should to do it. Come back in six weeks and will see if there's a viable fetus,” she shuddered and made a sound. She lifted her head and shook it at Chakotay. “No thank you. It’s too clinical. I much prefer building our family this way.” 

 

“You make it sound like I wouldn't even be there,” Chakotay said. “I would hold your hand while he made the deposit.”

Kathryn wrinkled her nose at him. She found his hand and threaded her fingers through his. 

 

“I’d prefer it if you held my hand while you made the deposit,” she responded. “No. I think I much prefer it this way. Besides, I like the little bit of mystery. Every time we're together, it's just the thought of will this be the time? Will this be when we conceive our son or daughter?”

 

“Did you think that before we found out about her?” Chakotay asked. 

 

“Honestly? The thought may have crossed my mind once or twice,” Kathryn admitted. “I knew that I had taken the boosters, but honestly I couldn’t remember the last time that I'd taken them. I didn't know if they’d just been given to me as part of some routine physical. I worried about it a little. At least once. But I knew that I wanted children. I knew that you’d talked about wanting a big family. Maybe—I didn’t think about it too much. But it will be different next time. We’ll know we want more. We already do. So we’ll think about it.”

Chakotay ran his hands over her body. She was still in her nightgown and, though she had shed her underwear the night before because she’d held out some thought that they might make love, she still felt heavily overdressed for such an intimate moment. Chakotay let his fingertips lazily trail over her skin and closed his eyes to the welcomed sensation of her rubbing her face against his skin like a cat. She was nuzzling him, and he realized that he loved to be nuzzled by her. 

“I think I definitely prefer it this way,” he said. From his position, he couldn’t reach her well, but he moved enough to kiss at the top of her head—her hair. “I definitely prefer you being with me.”

Kathryn looked up at him and smiled. She shifted and crawled toward him, closing the distance to bring their lips together. She kissed him playfully before she pulled away and smiled at him again. 

“If we wait a few more minutes,” she said, “we could probably be together again. This time we could try something different.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. He nodded his head at her.

“We absolutely can,” he said. “Because the doctor’s orders say I’m supposed to keep you here—and keep you as relaxed as possible—for at least another day or two.”

Kathryn might have fought the doctor’s orders normally, but she already knew that Chakotay wasn’t going to let her get out of this one. She needed to take it easy. She needed a break from worrying. Perhaps they both did. They needed a break from the ship as long as they could be allowed such a luxury. She needed to heal so that she could go back to work at full capacity.

It was up to them if they wanted to spend that time simply being together and seeking out pleasure in each other’s company.

She wasn’t fighting the doctor’s orders. Not this time. 

“I can’t think of a better way to relax,” Kathryn teased.


	86. Chapter 86

AN: Here we are, another chapter! 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn could easily tell that Chakotay had been dealing with a great deal of stress. The events of the past few days had truly been difficult on him emotionally. He seemed exhausted and simply hungry to be in her presence and to know that she was well. The emotional toll it had taken on Chakotay seemed, in Kathryn’s opinion, to be quite comparable to the physical toll that everything had taken on her. 

But there was a little time to rest now, for both of them.

Voyager was continuing through Borg space. Maybe they were even nearing the farthest edges of Borg space by now. Nothing that Kathryn had been made aware of had even slowed their progress and they were trying to get through the area as quickly as possible. Maybe, soon, they would leave this particular threat behind them. The Borg would still be out there, of course, but they’d be much less likely to run into them than they were at this moment.

Kathryn’s updates were very rare these days. Tuvok was under orders to take over as acting captain, and that’s what he was doing. The doctor had removed Kathryn from her position and he’d removed Chakotay from his. Temporarily, they were nothing more than passengers on Voyager with little more expectation than to relax and heal. 

Tuvok would get in touch with Kathryn if there was a genuine emergency, but she knew that he’d handle anything mundane that happened on the ship. 

 

The doctor's orders were that Kathryn take it easy. She was supposed to relax and give herself the time that she needed to heal. She wasn't supposed to think about the fact that they were still possibly moving through Borg space. She wasn’t supposed to think about what would lie beyond Borg space and what might be waiting on them. She wasn’t supposed to think about the fact that they had a Borg drone on their ship and that she had no idea what was taking place with that drone. 

Kathryn wasn’t supposed to think about anything that could stress her. She was simply supposed to relax and let her brain heal so that she could take over, once again, as acting captain of her ship. 

 

Everything in her nature made her want to argue against the doctor's orders. However, she knew the doctor well enough to know that he wasn't bluffing. If he promised her that, if she did not follow his orders, he would have her removed from command officially and for the long term, then he meant it. The hologram was not capable of bluffing.

 

And the truth of the matter was that Kathryn did not feel entirely like herself. Her mind was quite foggy. She was tired, and her attention span wasn't what it had ever been before. She could barely focus on anything for more than a few moments before she felt herself drifting into thoughts about something else entirely. She knew very well that what was happening to her was a result of the disruption of her neural pathways and the inflammation that wasn’t entirely under control as of yet. She knew that what was happening to her was entirely beyond her control. She also knew that it would get better, but not if she didn’t care for herself. 

She might have wanted to argue with the doctor’s orders, but she knew they were sound. She followed them, instead of arguing with them, to give herself the best chance that she could at getting back to her position as quickly as possible and being prepared to do it to the best of her abilities. 

Kathryn reminded herself, as well, that Chakotay needed her to care for herself. He needed her not to argue. He needed her to relax. Because he was not dealing well with the events of the past few days, but every time he saw her engaged in some task that she found even the slightest bit relaxing, he looked pleased. He was happy. It was what he needed to see.

He needed to see her following the doctor’s orders. He needed to see her being well and getting better with every passing minute. 

 

So Kathryn spent the next two days forgetting that she was the captain of Voyager. She let herself get tangled up in the fantasy of their holodeck home. She let herself return, mentally, to New Earth where she was nothing more than Chakotay’s partner.

She let herself be enveloped in the peace that they’d found there. 

Kathryn spent time with Chakotay. She made love to him when he wanted. She went for walks with him to see all the new things that he’d added to their holodeck home. She road in the little boat while he paddled them down the river, and she fished with him for the fish that he’d finally programmed into that river. She swam with him and made love with him on the riverbank where they napped in the sun until it was almost time to go home and get ready for bed. 

Kathryn tended the plants in her garden, soaked in her tub, and read books. She napped when the desire to nap came upon her and, more than once, she convinced Chakotay to nap with her. 

She spent a few days being lazier than she could ever recall being in her life. She ate, she relaxed, and she spent time with her husband. She decorated her daughter’s holonursery and she spent hours folding and unfolding tiny clothes and blankets while she indulged herself in daydreams about the tiny body that would one day be tucked into something so sweet and so small.

Kathryn spent three days doing exactly what the doctor asked her to do. She focused on herself, her daughter, and her husband. She focused on the well-being of the three of them and she ignored the responsibility that she had to the crew that waited outside the holodeck doors for her to take over command again. At least—she ignored them as much as anyone could tell.

Kathryn closed her book on her finger when she heard the sound of tapping at the door. A second later, the door opened. She was expecting Chakotay, especially since it was probably almost time to eat, but she wasn’t expecting the doctor. 

“Doctor,” Kathryn said, starting to get out of the rocking chair that she’d been sitting in. 

“No need to get up, Captain,” the doctor said. “This is an informal visit to see how you’re doing.”

“I’m hoping to be released to go back to work,” Kathryn hinted. “But other than that, I’m feeling—fine.”

“May I?” The doctor asked, producing his tricorder from a bag he carried.

“Certainly,” Kathryn said. 

The doctor scanned her even as she sat in the chair with the book in her hands. 

“Headaches?” He asked.

“A few,” Kathryn said. “Mild. Mostly they’re gone now.” 

“When was the last one?” The doctor asked. 

“Last night,” Kathryn said. “Just before I went to bed. It was gone when I woke up.”

“Dizziness?” The doctor asked.

“Not for a few days,” Kathryn said.

“You were dizzy this morning,” Chakotay interjected.

“He’s right,” Kathryn said. “But I got out of bed very quickly and it passed as soon as I sat down again.”

“That’s not uncommon in your condition,” the doctor offered. “Pregnancy, I mean. Memory problems?” 

“Not exactly,” Kathryn said.

“Would you care to explain, Captain?” The doctor asked.

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“I keep forgetting—what I’m going to say next or what I was getting ready to do. But it’s not like a genuine forgetting it’s like...I just moved on without finishing what I was thinking or doing.”

“Unfortunately, Captain, that’s also common in your condition,” the doctor said. “In fact, your doctors have a name for it. It’s pregnancy brain. It can leave you a bit fuzzy from time to time.”

“Will that pass?” Chakotay asked.

“Absolutely,” the doctor said. “I would guess in about four months, Commander. When your daughter comes and the captain is no longer producing a biological stew of hormones, all these little inconveniences will start to iron themselves out.”

Kathryn laughed to herself and patted her belly. 

“Pregnancy suffering aside, how am I?” She asked.

“Your brain has almost healed,” the doctor said. “There is some minor inflammation, but if you continue with your medication, it should be healed within the week.”

“Am I free to return to being the captain, then?” Kathryn asked. 

“You may resume your position in the morning,” the doctor said. “Both of you. I’ll expect you to let me know, though, if you should experience any problems.”

“Absolutely,” Kathryn said. “Doctor—is the baby OK?” 

She moved her hands out of the way when he scanned her belly so that she wouldn’t impede the tricorder’s ability to read the condition of the baby in any way. The machine was more than capable of taking the reading without the added precaution, of course, but Kathryn wanted to be sure.

“All of her readings are completely normal,” the doctor said. “You’re very lucky. She’s very resilient.”

“She takes after her mother,” Chakotay offered.

“From what I’ve seen,” the doctor said, “I would say that she comes by it quite honestly on both sides. I don’t foresee there being any problems as a result of the accident. However, Captain, I have to caution you against further accidents of this nature. You have to take care of yourself.”

“I will,” Kathryn assured him. “To the best of my ability.”

“Well, then I appreciate you having me in your—home,” the doctor said. “This must be where you intend for the baby to sleep?” 

Kathryn smiled.

“It is,” she said. “At least when we’re here and not in our quarters. Did Chakotay show you around the rest of the house?”

“He did,” the doctor said. 

“You’re the first member of the crew that’s been to see our home,” Kathryn said.

“I feel honored,” the doctor said. “It’s a bit more rustic than I imagined.” 

“It’s a recreation of the planet where we lived,” Chakotay said. “We weren’t exactly swimming in technology and luxuries.”

“Yes, well...it’s very nice,” the doctor said. “It seems to do the trick of inducing relaxation, so that’s all that matters. If you like it, then it’s a perfectly acceptable home.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. Their doctor was quite limited to where he could go, but he’d explored a few holodeck locations. It was clear that is tastes were a bit more refined than what their simple abode had to offer.

“Doctor—before you go, and since I’ll be taking over command in the morning,” Kathryn said, “can you tell me about the Borg drone?” 

He furrowed his brow at her.

“I guess there’s no harm in talking about it this evening,” he said. “The drone is currently unconscious. I’m keeping her under sedation. I’ve done everything I can to stabilize her, but as she’s begun returning to her human state, she’s had more and more difficulty with her Borg implants.”

“Could you explain?” Kathryn asked.

“As her human cells regenerate, they reject the Borg implants. She’s rejecting them violently. Each time her body attacks a different implant, I have to remove it as quickly as possible or there’s a serious infection; one that could threaten her life.”

“So you’ll remove them all,” Kathryn said.

“I’ve been removing only what’s necessary for the time being,” the doctor said. “So that I could buy time to talk to you. If I remove the majority of her implants, then the drone wakes up as, essentially, only a shadow of her former Borg self. She’ll wake up severed from the collective and devoid of most of her Borg circuitry. We’re making a very big life decision for this drone.”

“What happens if we leave the implants?” Kathryn asked.

“Frankly, I’m not sure that she’ll survive,” the doctor said.

“As a former Borg,” Chakotay said, “we know this wouldn’t be what she would want.”

“We also know that she hasn’t made decisions for herself in a very long time,” Kathryn countered. 

“Someone has to make the decision for her now. Do I remove most of her identity as a Borg—allowing her to keep only that which is too greatly imbedded for me to remove without killing her—or do I...well, do I simply let her go because it would have been what she would have wanted?” 

“We let the drone go,” Chakotay said.

“We save her!” Kathryn said. 

“We’d be making a decision about this drone’s life that it wouldn’t want,” Chakotay said.

“We have to make that decision,” Kathryn said. “She isn’t capable of making it yet.”

“Captain. Commander,” the doctor said. “The decision doesn’t have to be made tonight. I can continue what I’m doing for now. The drone is in no immediate danger as long as I don’t allow any visible infections to fester.”

“Remove her Borg implants,” Kathryn said. “Restore her to human. Or—as close as you can get her. That’s an order, Doctor.”

The doctor looked at her and then at Chakotay. Chakotay stared at the doctor, but he didn’t say anything. Finally he looked at Kathryn. He knew that he couldn’t contradict her direct order.

She knew that they weren’t done talking about the Borg drone. 

But then, if the drone was going to remain on Voyager, there was a very good chance that all of them would be talking about the drone for quite some time.

“That’s an order, Doctor,” Kathryn repeated. “I’ll come by sickbay before my shift to check on things. If there’s nothing else...”

“There’s nothing else,” the doctor said. “Try to rest, Captain. Commander.” 

“I’ll walk you out,” Chakotay said. “Show you the garden before you transport back to sickbay.”

The doctor bid Kathryn goodnight and went with Chakotay. Kathryn sighed and rocked the rocking chair with her foot. She didn’t know if she made the right decision or not. She didn’t know what the right decision might be.

She simply knew that it didn’t feel right to abandon this drone somewhere, and it didn’t feel right to simply choose to let her die.


	87. Chapter 87

AN: Here we are, another chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn felt like she'd been away from the ship for months. One of the biggest problems of command changing hands so many times was that when Kathryn took back over, it seemed like there were about a million little metaphorical brushfires burning throughout the ship that she needed to tend to before they got out of control. Commands got forgotten. They got overridden. Crewmembers had squabbles they didn't take to command because they preferred to deal with one person or another. They allowed those little disagreements to fester until they had bigger problems that needed to be ironed out. 

There wasn’t any major problem to face at the moment, thankfully, but there were a million minor things that simply had to be dealt with. Kathryn needed to handle them—and that’s how she spent nearly the entire morning. 

 

After she had most of the problems taken care of and a great deal of the wrinkles ironed out, Kathryn finally made her way to sickbay. As soon as she walked through the door, she she held her hands up to stop the doctor from saying anything.

 

“I know that I said I would come in before I started my shift,” Kathryn said, “but it's been impossible. You cannot imagine how much I've had to deal with today. There were crewmembers waiting outside our quarters when Chakotay and I got there this morning. Before I had a shower, and before I ate breakfast, I had to read two dozen reports and deal with around the same number of petty disputes that have taken place while I’ve been out of service. I wanted to keep my appointment before my shift, but it hasn’t even been possible to get down here until now.”

The EMH stared at Kathryn. Then he smiled at her. It wasn’t a broad smile, but it was clear that he was pleased with her laundry list of excuses. Perhaps it made him happy that she wasn’t simply brushing him off. 

“I could scold you on the importance of keeping your medical obligations,” the doctor said, “but I know that you already know what I'm going to say, so I’ll save us both the time.” He took his tricorder and scanned Kathryn. She stood still and subjected herself to his inspection.

 

“Well?” She asked when he finished.

 

“Did you already take the medication I prescribed for the inflammation?” The doctor asked. Kathryn nodded her head in response. 

 

“Along with my vitamins and my anti-nausea medication. I feel fine. A little tired, but nothing unusual. I haven’t had any headaches or any dizziness. Just a touch of—I guess I would call it fatigue, Doctor.” 

“It's entirely possible that some of the fatigue that you’re experiencing is a direct result of the passenger that you’re carrying, Captain,” the doctor said with a smile. “You’re going to have to get used to some things. The more pronounced the presence of your offspring becomes, the more pronounced some of your symptoms will be.” 

 

“So I'm starting to see,” Kathryn said. 

“On a positive note,” the doctor said, “you can also look forward to some symptoms improving. Your nausea, for instance, may lessen a great deal, or even disappear entirely, as your pregnancy progresses.”

“You’ve offered me a hypospray for the nausea,” Kathryn said, “but you haven’t given me anything for the fatigue.”

“I prescribe frequent naps for the fatigue,” the doctor said. Kathryn laughed to herself. “I’m serious, Captain. You need to rest whenever possible.” 

“Don’t you have something you could give me?” Kathryn asked. “Something to—give me a little extra energy?”

“Nothing to which you and the commander would want to subject your offspring,” the doctor said. “I’m sorry. You’re just going to have to deal with your fatigue in the old-fashioned way.” 

Kathryn laughed.

“It’s fine, Doctor,” she said. “But my brain function, how was it? Anything that I should be concerned about?” 

 

“You’re fit to be in command,” the doctor assured her. “Just promise me that if you feel tired, you will take a break. There's no shame in it. I’m sure you already know, though, that being excessively tired can affect both your mood and your ability to make decisions.”

Kathryn could be insulted by the lecture that the EMH gave her, or she could simply accept it for what it was. She decided to simply accept it as the concerned and caring words of her doctor—a doctor who was learning, ever so slowly and thanks to an adaptive program—to care for his patients in the best way that he possibly could. 

 

“I promise,” Kathryn said. “I'm actually on something of a break now. As I told you when I got here, it’s the first time I’ve had a moment since I woke up. But I wanted to talk to you about the Borg drone.”

 

“I had a feeling that might be your primary interest,” the doctor said. He walked with Kathryn over to the biobed where the Borg drone was lying unconscious. The majority of the drone’s implants had been removed. It was clear that he was taking her apart, piece by piece, like something of a puzzle. She was starting to look, in some ways, more like a human and less like a drone.

 

“Will there be much that you're not able to remove when you’re done?” Kathryn asked.

“Some of her integrated Borg technology is so entwined with her human self,” the doctor said, “that to remove it would probably kill her instantly. Pieces of her human self simply do not exist any longer. They’ve been entirely replaced by the Borg. However, I think that most of it can be removed to lessen the chance that she'll have any medical problems in the future as a result of it. We’re hoping that she won’t reject any implants that seem integral to her survival.” 

 

“How long will it take?” Kathryn asked. “Before she's as human as you can make her? When can we speak to her?”

 

“I'm working as steadily as I can to remove the implants,” the doctor said. “There are several factors that prevent me from moving any faster. I have to make sure that I’m not doing anything to overload or shock her system. She needs time to rest between procedures. I also have Kes in the office, right now, going over the notes that we took when we performed the autopsy on that drone that we brought to the ship before. We’re using that information to make sure that we don’t miss any of the more hidden pieces that we discovered. I’m hopeful that we’ll have her very close to her human self in two or three days. Of course, Captain, that will only mean that she is physically human. We’re entirely unable to tell how she’ll react emotionally to the whole situation. We won’t know anything more about that until I’m able to wake her.”

“I understand, Doctor,” Kathryn assured him. “Good work. Keep me posted on her progress.”

Kathryn left him to return to his work. She went directly to the office to speak to Kes as she labored over some files she was studying on the computer. 

 

“I just wanted to express my appreciation for your hard work,” Kathryn said, leaning into the office door.

 

Kes looked at her, for just a moment, like she didn’t expect to see anyone there. Then she smiled warmly at Kathryn. 

 

“Captain!” She said. “It's good to see you up and about.”

 

“And as good as new,” Kathryn assured her.

“The doctor said we could expect there to be no lasting problems,” Kes said. 

 

“It would appear that I won't have any problems lasting any longer than it takes for the baby to be born,” Kathryn said. “Most of my complaints seem to have been put down to pregnancy these days. Apparently, according to the doctor, there are simply a few things I'll have to get used to.” She laughed to herself and Kes echoed her laughter. 

 

“We're still working on his bedside manner,” Kes offered. “I’m sorry if he was too harsh.”

 

“I wasn’t offended,” Kathryn assured her. Kes had taken it on herself to work directly with the doctor’s program to attempt to help him develop his subroutines. The doctor had become a friend to Kes, but he was also something of a pet project. “He's making progress,” Kathryn assured Kes. “At least now he never tells me about the condition of my fetus. Now he’s careful to tell me about my child, the baby, or something like that. It’s a lot more pleasant.”

Kes smiled.

“I’m glad that he’s making progress. Some days it seems like the progress is slower than others.”

“That’s true of all of us,” Kathryn said. “I’m going to let you get back to work. I just wanted to thank you for what you’re doing.”

“Any time, Captain,” Kes offered.

Kathryn left sickbay and stopped in the corridor to decide what her next mission was. She was technically on a break. She could do any of a number of things. She simply needed to decide which of the things she needed to accomplish was at the top of her list of priorities. 

Kathryn was starting to get hungry. These days, the baby very clearly let her know when it was time to eat. She might've once been infamous on the ship for skipping meals, and even for forgetting food entirely, but her little one did not share her affinity for saving time by foregoing food. The baby was going to eat, and she preferred to do so sometimes upwards of five times a day. The liquid nutritional supplements that Kathryn had probably lived off of while she’d been unconscious in sickbay would have given her the most basic nutrition that she needed, but apparently it had not been very satisfying. Since she woke up, she had been almost constantly ravenous.

Despite the fact that she’d eaten breakfast, she was starting to feel ravenous again. The baby was not going to allow her to put lunch off too much longer. 

 

On the other hand, there was a great deal that she needed to discuss with her senior staff, and the sooner she met with them, the better. Command had changed hands a number of times in the past few days, and she needed to touch base with everyone. Tom had informed her that morning that they’d just moved past what they considered to be the edge of Borg space. Theoretically they were out of the immediate danger zone, and they could relax a little. Kathryn told Tom to maintain speed and course for at least a day longer. They may be out of Borg space, but she wanted to be far away from it before they let their guard down even a little bit. He had enthusiastically agreed with her assessment of the situation. None of them were anxious to be anywhere near the Borg anymore.

 

That was a general consensus that had the potential to create a very big problem on Voyager. They had a Borg drone on Voyager. Granted, the doctor and Kes were both doing everything in their power to turn the drone back into a human, or at least into something resembling a human, but the fact remained that she was still a Borg drone. Furthermore, she was a Borg drone that had taken them into a hostile realm of space to enter into direct conflict with an enemy. She’d also been set on assimilating them. She’d cooperated with them, but it would've only been a matter time before she would've tried to assimilate everyone on the ship. The Borg may have been somewhat trustworthy, but they absolutely had their limits.

 

As a crew, they had to decide how to handle the drone. Kathryn knew that they were going to need to have some say in the matter if she didn’t want there to be an excess of problems and negative feelings on the ship. 

It was a difficult situation. Kathryn wanted to defend the drone, but she wouldn’t have the opportunity to speak with her for some time. She couldn’t assess the intentions of the drone, now that she had been severed from collective, before she needed to discuss it with her senior staff. They needed to express their feelings, and Kathryn needed to know what they had to say.

Kathryn’s stomach growl viciously and she winced at the volume of it. It was loud enough that anybody walking past could hear the noise. She was positive that it was loud enough to be heard by others, and she became even more positive when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped and turned to find Chakotay standing there. Her stomach let out another of the ungodly howls, and he smiled at her. He raised his eyebrows at her.

 

“I thought I might find you here,” Chakotay said. “Or at least in sickbay. You're officially on break now. The next shift took over. We’ve been relieved unless we’re needed for something. And it sounds like it's just in time to get some lunch.”

 

“I need to meet with senior staff,” Kathryn said. “About the Borg drone.”

 

“What are you going to tell them Kathryn,” Chakotay asked. “That you've decided to keep a Borg drone on Voyager? And what are we going to do with her? Are we going to allow her to roam free until she decides that she wants to assimilate the entire ship to try to create her own collective? Or are we going to confine her to the brig for the entire trip? Are we going to lock her in quarters? What if she tries to take over by entering our computer system? What do we do with her then? What if she tries to contact the Borg?”

Kathryn sighed. 

“I can see you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about your argument,” Kathryn said.

“You don’t know the Borg like I do,” Chakotay said. “I was part of a collective for a short period of time.”

“Oh—I remember,” Kathryn said. “But she’s human. At least—she’ll be almost human.” 

“Almost human is still more Borg than most people are comfortable with,” Chakotay said. “And you said yourself that you didn’t want to leave her on a planet because she's lived so long with the Borg that she's not going to know how to live without them. You didn't want to leave her alone because she wouldn't know how to live without the collective.”

 

“I wouldn't want to leave her alone if she were human, either,” Kathryn said. “I wouldn't want to abandon anybody out here. It would be cruel to leave somebody entirely alone here. It would be something horrible to do to someone, and that's especially true if I knew that I was the reason that they had nobody. I don't want to leave her locked up, Chakotay. But—if that’s what we have to do...”

Chakotay interrupted her.

 

“Do you think that's any better than being left alone somewhere?” Chakotay asked. “We lock her up? Confine her to the brig or to the cargo bay? Maybe we give her quarters to stay in for the rest of the trip. Do you think that’s a life worth living?” 

 

“The only other alternative is to condemn her to death,” Kathryn said. “We're Starfleet. That's not who we are. Is that what you want?”

Chakotay sighed.

“If I’m being completely honest,” he said, “then yes, there is a part of me that would gladly condemn her to death. There's a part of me that wants somebody to pay for what I went through. For what you went through. It was the Borg that were guilty for that. And she's the only Borg that I have to take that anger out on.”

“It was Species 8472 that caused the explosion on the ship,” Kathryn said. “Not the Borg. I understand that you’re speaking about your anger, and that you wouldn’t actually cause her harm, Chakotay, but your anger isn’t good. It isn’t healthy for you. It’s going to eat you up—and I don’t want to see that. I couldn’t bear to see it. As much as you don’t want to see me hurt, I don’t want to see you hurt—and that includes emotionally, Chakotay. You have to let your anger go. The drone is just a victim. She didn't asked to be made to drone. She was probably a child when she was assimilated. She didn’t ask to be severed from the collective, either. That was a decision that we made for her. She probably didn’t even ask to be the liaison between myself and the collective. She was simply doing her duty. She's nothing but a victim of circumstance, just like everybody else. We'll figure out what to do with her and, above everything else, we’ll keep Voyager safe, but I'd like for us to do that together. Can you let go of your anger so that we do that together?”

 

Chakotay sighed again. He took a long moment to consider. He opened his mouth a few times like he might speak, and then rethought it. Finally he nodded his head.

 

“We can do it together,” he said. “We’ll discuss it and, somehow, we’ll figure something out that we can agree on. I’ll do my best to let go of my anger...but that doesn’t mean that I trust the Borg.”

“Understood,” Kathryn said. “But can we at least discuss it rationally? Can we attempt to come up with a plan about how we proceed from here—now that we’ve removed the Borg from the collective and from Borg space?”

“Fine,” Chakotay said. “But first, Kathryn, let’s have some lunch together.” 

 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“That's exactly what I was thinking,” she said.


	88. Chapter 88

AN: Here we are, another chapter.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“You can't be serious Chakotay,” B’Elanna said, leaning almost all the way across the table so that she could keep most of her conversation with Chakotay private. They were almost alone in the mess hall, though, so it wasn’t very likely that too many people had an interest in anything they had to say. “You can't want a Borg on the ship when you’ve got a baby on the way. Do you want your daughter growing up with the Borg?” 

 

“I'm not particularly fond of the Borg,” Chakotay said. “But I do want my daughter growing up to be tolerant of other species. Maybe that starts with me showing some tolerance.” 

 

“This is the Borg,” B’Elanna said. “Tolerance doesn’t work with the Borg. They’re not interested in building bridges or coming together in understanding and community. The Borg don’t want anything except to assimilate every other species.” 

 

“She's been removed from the collective,” Chakotay said. “She's not an active Borg now. It would be an entirely different story if she were. At this point, she’ll simply be one of our crewmembers. I'm sure you'll understand, when I say that it's never really done anyone very much good for us to judge them based solely on some arbitrary aspect of themselves. She's no longer a Borg, but she really can't help that she once was.”

“So you're really on board with this?” B’Elanna asked.

Chakotay nodded his head. 

 

“And I'd suggest you get on board with it too,” he said. “Kathryn—the captain—has made the best decision that she can. At the very least, we have to accept that decision. It would work a lot better for all of us, though, if we could all be on the same page. Besides, B’Elanna, what problem do you really have with the drone? As angry as I am with the Borg for what happened—and what almost happened—my problem isn’t with this particular drone. Even I have to admit that it’s not right to take her away from everything she’s ever known and simply leave her, alone, on some planet somewhere. We don’t execute people, and seventy years is a long time to leave somebody in the brig while we take them to another quadrant, especially when they never asked to be put in this situation in the first place.” 

 

“I don't know what we should do with her,” B’Elanna admitted. “I don’t have a better solution than what the captain is proposing. But—I can admit, Chakotay, that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust her. Tom and I are talking about a family. I’m not sure that I want to raise children around a Borg drone. I’m not sure that I can ever see her for what she is—and not for what she was.” 

Chakotay frowned, but he nodded his understanding.

“It’s something you’ll have to work at,” Chakotay said. “Maybe it’s something we’ll all have to work at. You’re not the only crew member with concerns. Hopefully time will change everyone’s view on the Borg. At least—on this particular Borg.”

“I don’t think it will,” B’Elanna said.

Chakotay hummed his understanding and got up from the table to head back to work. 

“We’ll see,” Chakotay said. “For now—I support the captain. If you have any further issues, you’ll need to take them up with her.” 

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The drone had awoken violently, and had been directly transferred from sickbay to the brig when the doctor decided that the best place for her was anywhere except his sickbay. The doctor had called Kathryn and informed her of his decision. He had other patients, he did not need a Borg drone violently fighting against a force field in his sickbay. It was simply too distracting for everyone. She was better off fighting against the force field in the brig where she couldn’t disturb anyone. Kathryn assured him that she understood, and she was not at all angry about his decision. Then she made her way, soon as the opportunity arose, to the brig.

 

By the time Kathryn was able to get away from her duties and to make it to the brig, the drone was pacing around, but she’d stopped actively fighting against the force field that held her in confinement. 

 

It had been two days since Kathryn had made the announcement to the ship that the Borg drone would be staying. They wouldn’t be leaving her on a planet somewhere to fend for herself. They would do their best to rehabilitate her and introduce her as a member of the crew. Since Kathryn had made her decision, she’d heard some grumbling in the corridors, but nobody had actually come forward to discuss the decision with her. Her door, of course, was always open. 

It had taken those two days, however, for the drone to even gain consciousness, so it was likely that nobody had felt moved to comment on her presence because, until she woke, nobody was sure that she’d even live long enough for it to become an issue.

 

Things had been touch and go with the drone. Her Borg technology presented a lot of risks when it came down to removing it. As the doctor worked, he made it clear to Kathryn that he was doing the best that he could, but there were no guarantees. There was a good chance that taking out the technology could take out something that was, unknowingly, key to the Borg drone’s survival and, therefore, their attempts to save her could actually kill her or leave her incapacitated in some way. 

The decision to remove as much of the technology as possible was not one that made Kathryn comfortable, and she would've preferred not to have had to make it at all, but her only alternative was condemning the Borg to certain death. She couldn’t survive with her implants in place because her body’s active efforts to reject the implants would eventually kill her. She might not survive the removal of those implants. It was an age old game of choosing the lesser of two evils. With the drone unconscious and unable to regain consciousness in her current condition, it had been up to Kathryn to make a decision for her. She’d chosen what would at least give the drone a chance at life. 

 

The doctor, in the interest eventually helping the Borg to assimilate to her new role as human, had made a few cosmetic changes that he thought might benefit her. He’d stimulated her hair follicles for growth. He’d also given her a prosthetic eye to replace the one that she’d lost when she’d been assimilated and gained her ocular implant—an implant that couldn’t be entirely removed. He’d met with Kathryn to discuss these changes, along with a few others, and he’d been particularly proud of how well the prosthetic eye matched the drone’s original eye color.

The drone was a chance for the doctor to flex his medical muscles and handle a truly difficult assignment, and he was enjoying the challenge—at least until the Borg was awake and raging against the force field that held her captive.

 

Kathryn hadn’t seen her quite like she was in the brig. She was starting to look more like a human. Her hair had grown out to be blonde. It hung around her shoulders. She was roughly dressed in a garment that the doctor had fashioned for her, though she’d torn it at the shoulder—presumably by clawing at it. Her prosthetic eye had been placed, and many of her mechanical pieces were gone. There was a more human color to her skin now, as well, instead of the strange gray color of the active Borg drones. She looked, now, much more approachable than she had before. 

When she saw Kathryn standing outside of her cell, she seemed to be suddenly filled with rage. Her anger was completely obvious to Kathryn. It was nearly palpable. She threw herself at the force field, and Kathryn got a good idea of why it was that the doctor had wanted her removed from sickbay. 

 

“What have you done to me?” The drone yelled.

 

“It was necessary to separate you from the collective,” Kathryn sad. “We won't be assimilated. I won't allow you or anyone else to harm my crew. After we separated you from the collective, and your body began to return to its human state, it started to react to your Borg implants. It started to reject them. To save your life, we removed as many of your implants as was possible without costing you your life.” 

 

“You butchered me,” the drone said, her words dripping with anger and something akin to desperation.

“It was necessary to remove your implants to keep you from dying,” Kathryn said. “We did what we had to do to save you.”

 

“Put them back!” The drone exclaimed.

 

“I can't do that,” Kathryn said. “Your body won't allow you to keep your Borg implants. They’ve been removed. The ones that remain shouldn’t cause you problems in the future.” 

 

“You must return me to the collective! You must contact the Borg! You must return me!”

The drone was growing desperate. Her tone of voice was changing. Kathryn understood, though, that such a great change would be difficult to come to terms with. She would need time to adjust. 

 

Kathryn maintained her cool with the Borg.

“You'll learn that I don't take commands well,” Kathryn said, “especially not from those who are not in a position to command me. We will certainly not be contacting the Borg. We will not be returning you to the collective. We're outside of Borg space. We’re moving farther away from it every day. You're just going to have to learn to be human.”

 

“I am Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix 01,” the drone said. “I am Borg. I am not human.”

Kathryn couldn’t help but think that the Borg—for all her insistence at not being human—was already starting to sound a great deal more human than she once had. For one thing, she was beginning to refer to herself in the first person singular instead of the first person plural.

 

“You were once human,” Kathryn said. “You’re as close to human as you can be now. You may still be Borg in some ways, but you are no longer part of the collective. You’ve been removed from it.” 

“No! Return me to the collective!”

Kathryn laughed to herself. She suddenly got the feeling that she was having a conversation with a petulant child. 

“Look, Seven of Nine, I understand that you're upset. But you may actually learn to like your life as one of us. There’s a great deal to enjoy about being human.” 

 

“I will never enjoy it! I am Borg!”

 

“You are an individual,” Kathryn said. “You have a name. An actual name. And maybe one day we’ll know it. But for the time being, you’re simply Seven of Nine. You’re an individual.” 

 

“Individuals are weak,” Seven of Nine said. “You are weak. I do not wish to be weak.” 

 

“Individuals are not weak because of their individuality,” Kathryn said. “And our ability to come together out of choice, and not out of force, makes us stronger than the Borg who come together only because of assimilation. You will not be returning to the Borg, Seven of Nine, and I suggest that you begin getting comfortable with that idea, since you're going to have a lot of time as an individual.”

“You cannot keep me here,” Seven of Nine said. “You cannot keep me locked in this cell. I must regenerate.”

Kathryn nodded her understanding. 

“The doctor has told me that it will be some time before you’re able to renew your energy naturally. You’ll have to adjust to some things. Being human is a new experience for you. It’s been a long time since you were fully human. You’ve got to learn things all over again. It’s going to take time.” 

“I must regenerate,” Seven of Nine said. 

Kathryn swallowed down her desire to smile at the drone who reminded her a great deal of an overgrown toddler. She nodded her head. There was no need in drawing things out. There was no need in trying to argue with the drone. 

“When you’re ready to control yourself and to cooperate,” Kathryn said, “then you’ll be moved from the brig to the cargo bay where you can regenerate in your alcove. You may remain there until you’re ready to make some effort to assimilate to our crew and become part of our collective. We will help you adjust as much as we can.” 

Kathryn didn’t wait for the drone to respond to her. She knew that a long and drawn out argument wasn't going to serve anyone. She needed to give the drone time to think about what she’d said and what was taking place. Later, perhaps, they could revisit the topic. They would probably revisit it many times. But first, the drone needed the opportunity to start adjusting to her situation. 

 

Kathryn left the drone in the brig, dissatisfied with the fact that Kathryn would not continue to stand there and argue with her and would not give her what she wanted—to be returned to the collective.

 

Kathryn couldn't say that she honestly felt that everything she was doing was right. She did feel sorry for the drone simply because the drone had known nothing but the collective. Whether or not Kathryn agreed with the Borg and their practices, she did understand that the collective was likely to be home and comfort to those who knew nothing else. This drone did not know of life as an individual. She was afraid of her return to individuality because it was foreign to her. Kathryn believed that individuality was important, and she believed that the Borg were wrong for assimilating living beings and denying them their individuality, but she also recognized that she was pressing her beliefs on Seven of Nine, who might not agree with her. 

Kathryn had not done what she’d done, though, simply to force her beliefs on another living being. 

 

She had done what she’d done because she would simply not allow Voyager’s crew to be assimilated. Not if she could avoid it. And she would not allow the Borg to destroy her ship if there was any way that she could stop it from happening. 

I had just so happened that the only way she could stop those things from happening was to sever the collective’s link to Seven of Nine. It had been necessary, and Kathryn didn’t regret her choice. If she were faced with the same decision again, she would act the same way. 

She understood, however, that it would take time for Seven of Nine to adapt to her new life. It would take a great deal of care and patience. Luckily, Kathryn had those things in abundance.


	89. Chapter 89

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“B’Elanna,” Kathryn said, “I feel like I can speak openly with you. I understand that you're not happy about the Borg drone being brought in as a part of our crew. Do you want to know the truth? I'm not happy about it, either. I would've preferred the entire situation to go differently, but it didn't go the way that I wanted it to. It went the way that it did, though, and now we’re left to deal with the situation at hand. We have to figure out what’s best for Voyager, but we also have to consider what’s good for this drone. She’s becoming human again—honestly against her will—and that’s a difficulty that most of us can’t even imagine. She doesn’t even remember what it’s like to be human because she’s been a drone for so much of her life.”

“And that’s why I think it's better, Captain, to send her back to the Borg,” B’Elanna said. “That’s clearly where she belongs. Not on Voyager.” 

 

Kathryn laughed.

 

“That's what you really think?” Kathryn asked. “You think it's better to send somebody back to the Borg? I’ve thought about this from every angle, B’Elanna. This isn’t some—pregnancy-hormone induced decision, despite the fact that everyone around here would like to believe that I’m incapable of making rational decisions. If we try to send her back to the Borg, we’ve got to make contact with the Borg. We have to draw their attention to Voyager after they’ve already forgotten us because they’re too busy worrying about their war with Species 8472.”

“Then we leave her somewhere,” B’Elanna said. “The Borg will find her.”

“They might,” Kathryn agreed. “And then she takes with her whatever knowledge she extracted from our ship. She reminds the Borg that we’re here. Maybe she even brings them back to us. Any way we try to get her back to the Borg means taking a risk that I’m not willing to take. Not when we’re finally clear of Borg space and they aren’t so much as paying us any attention. And if we assume that the Borg don’t find her, then we’re condemning her to death. We’ve got her now. She’s with us—for better or for worse. That means we need to turn our attention away from getting rid of her, and we need to focus on the fact that we want to help her recover her humanity.” 

 

“You know as well as I do, Captain, that there is no humanity in the Borg,” B’Elanna said. “And we have no proof that once someone becomes a Borg, it’s even possible to come back from that. It’s never been done before.” 

 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at B’Elanna

 

B’Elanna wasn’t finished, though, and Kathryn let her continue. She wanted B’Elanna to say whatever it was that she had to say. 

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea to have a Borg on the ship, Captain,” B’Elanna continued. “And the crew isn’t happy about it either. Nobody knows what to expect. It’s admirable that you want to restore her to some kind of human form, but we don’t know if that human form even exists any longer. And—you’ve pointed out that your decision wasn’t based on what your pregnancy hormones might suggest you do, Captain, but you do at least have to recognize that you are pregnant. I can’t really believe that you and Chakotay would want a Borg drone around your child—or even the children you say you plan to have later. Samantha Wildman isn’t going to want Naomi growing up around a Borg drone. Tom and I...well, are we even considering the families that we’ve discussed building on the ship in this decision?” 

Kathryn waited until she was satisfied that B’Elanna was running out of steam and had said much of what she had prepared to say. There might be more to come, but she’d need time to formulate her argument. For now she’d said that with which she’d intended to lead. 

“We—and by ‘we,’ I assume you mean ‘I’—have considered the families that we’re discussing building a great deal. I believe that we can return the drone to human. I also know that we’re safer dealing with one disconnected and mostly-restored Borg drone than we would be with the whole collective on our backs. I am confident that we can handle this one drone.” B’Elanna frowned at her, but Kathryn didn’t let that deter her in the slightest. “And, frankly, B’Elanna, I’m more than a little surprised to hear you arguing against giving her the benefit of the doubt and working to teach her what she needs to know. It wasn’t that very long ago that someone might have come in here to ask me what I was thinking by allowing a half-Klingon to be my Chief Engineer. They might have told me that it was dangerous to let a Klingon—or even a half-Klingon—around my daughter. You know that Klingons haven’t exactly won everybody over since our first contact with them. There might have been plenty of crew members with trepidations once upon a time—but they would have been wrong. And if I had listened to them, they would have cost me the best Chief Engineer that I could possibly ask for on this ship.”

B’Elanna frowned at Kathryn.

“I can’t argue with that, Captain,” B’Elanna said. “Not entirely. We all know Klingons have done their share of negative things. They’re not known for their peaceful natures, and their history with the federation is long and full of war. Still, the Klingons are not the Borg.”

“You’re right about that,” Kathryn agreed. “But perhaps this is a step in the direction of a new era. If this drone can find her humanity, then she’s proof of something revolutionary for us. She’s proof that even though someone has been changed into a Borg and has lived among the collective, it doesn’t mean that they can’t come back. It could change the way that we look at the Borg forever. I don’t know everything it might mean for the future of the Federation, but what I do know is what it means for the future of Voyager. The drone is on our ship now. We’re going to do our best to make her a functioning member of our crew. And while I don’t know what her position on the ship will be, exactly, or what will happen, I do know that I’ll expect you to treat her as you would anyone else on the crew. I expect you to show her tolerance, and I expect you to do whatever you can to help her find her way. You and I have had the wonderful opportunity to discuss family before, B’Elanna, and the importance of feeling like a part of a family. Well, we’re that drone’s family now. We’re supposed to help her.” 

 

“I don’t like it,” B’Elanna responded after a moment. 

Kathryn laughed to herself. It would take time, but she was sure that, eventually, B’Elanna would come around. So would anyone else who was feeling concerned about their new crew member.

“You don’t’ have to like it,” Kathryn said. “You just have to do it. Consider it an order, Lieutenant.” 

 

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“You are weak!” The Borg drone barked at Kathryn. 

It wasn’t Kathryn that was weak. It was the drone. She needed to regenerate, but she couldn’t seem to control her outbursts for any lengthy span of time.

Kathryn felt something tugging inside her chest, though, as she watched the drone—finally succumbing to her fatigue—sink down on the cot inside her cell. 

Kathryn turned off the force field and stepped inside the cell before she reactivated the force field. Chakotay would have a heart attack if he saw what she was doing, but she felt confident that she could handle the woman—whether or not she’d once been Borg.

“I’m not weak,” Kathryn said, keeping her tone even. “Seven—may I call you Seven?” 

Seven of Nine looked at her and Kathryn’s chest ached. She felt like she could see, for just a moment, the child that Seven of Nine had been before she’d been turned into a Borg drone. Her childhood was showing.

“I am Seven of Nine—Tertiary...” Seven of Nine stopped. “I am...alone. I am removed from the collective. I am one. And I am weak. You may call me weak.”

“I think I’ll stick to Seven, for now,” Kathryn said. “Seven—you are one, but you’re not weak. Being an individual doesn’t mean being weak. Being a human doesn’t mean being weak. The strength that you’ll have to have is different, perhaps, than the strength that you had as a Borg, but you’re still strong.” She shook her head at Seven of Nine. “I’m not weak.” 

Seven stared at her for a long moment before she wrestled herself to her feet. Kathryn saw her steps falter just a little, but she said nothing. She was going to have to regenerate soon. She was nearing the point of fatigue that, in humans, would begin to closely resemble extreme drunkenness. She would lose control of herself soon. 

“You are in gestation,” Seven of Nine said. 

“I am,” Kathryn said, fighting the instinct that coursed—violently and suddenly—through her body to cover her belly and protect her child from the drone that hadn’t threatened her in any way.

“Humans—during gestation, they carry their young practically unprotected. They’re vulnerable to any attack. It’s an impractical way to increase the population.”

“And yet it’s the way we were designed,” Kathryn said. “Maybe not everything about humans is practical. Or perfect.”

“The Borg do not procreate in such a manner,” Seven of Nine informed her. “We recognize that it would make us weak and it would require far too much time to increase our numbers. The young do not make good drones.” 

“The Borg don’t procreate,” Kathryn said. “They assimilate. They view everyone and everything as little more than a machine that’s set to do nothing more than assimilate even more members to the collective. Humans are different. We form families. We love our children. We enjoy the act of raising them and helping them become someone who contributes to society—not robs it of everything.” 

“I don’t want to be weak,” Seven of Nine said. 

“You won’t be,” Kathryn offered.

“I don’t want to be one,” Seven of Nine said.

“You are an individual, Seven,” Kathryn said. “And that brings with it some wonderful things. But you’re not alone—and I think that may be what you most fear. It’s OK, though, most of us fear being alone. You’re not going to be alone here, though. You’ll have us. We’ll be your family—and you’ll be ours.” 

Seven of Nine’s feet faltered and she nearly hit the ground. Kathryn stepped forward quickly and caught her. She supported her weight.

“I think I may be dying,” Seven of Nine said, matter-of-factly. There was less emotion in that statement than there had been in any of the statements she’d made about being removed from the collective. 

“I think you’re experiencing true exhaustion for the first time,” Kathryn offered. She touched her combadge and called the ensign that she knew was working at the transporter. “Ensign Weathersbee? Two to beam to Cargo Bay two.”

Immediately, the two of them were in Cargo Bay two. Kathryn was still supporting Seven of Nine. The Borg, who may have still believed she was dying, seemed to be trying to give into death. She was quickly getting heavy and Kathryn wasn’t sure how long she could support her. She touched her combadge again.

“Chakotay...” Kathryn commanded.

“What’s wrong?” Chakotay’s voice came back immediately. “Are you OK?” 

“I’m fine,” Kathryn said. “I’m in Cargo Bay two. I need your help.”

“I’m on my way,” Chakotay said.

“I also need the doctor,” Kathryn said, “and I’m going to need a security detail posted outside of the cargo bay. I don’t want anyone coming in, and I don’t want Seven leaving.”

“Aye, Captain,” Chakotay’s voice came back. “The doctor will beam over.”

Chakotay barely got the words out before the doctor did just that. He immediately moved to help Kathryn, chiding her about attempting to support the woman who was clearly bearing down on her with her full weight. 

“Help me get her to her alcove,” Kathryn said. 

The doctor tried to do just that, but Chakotay arrived before Kathryn and the doctor had made much leeway with Seven of Nine, who was dragging her feet and not helping them in the slightest. Seeing what they were trying to do, and probably worried about Kathryn as he usually was, Chakotay rushed over. Without a word, he heaved Seven of Nine up bridal style and followed their instructions to deposit her in her alcove. Once she was there, and her alcove was activated, she immediately regained enough strength to remain on her feet.

“She’s not truly a Borg drone any longer,” the doctor said. “She can’t go that long without regenerating.”

“Don’t worry, Doctor,” Kathryn said. “She’ll be staying in here until she’s ready to come out and attempt to mingle with the rest of the crew. We’ll keep a security detail outside the cargo bay.”

“What makes you think she won’t try anything?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn shook her head. 

“She had plenty of opportunity to try to attack me in the cell,” Kathryn said.

“You were in there?” Chakotay asked with some immediate irritation. Kathryn could tell that they’d be discussing that later. She accepted that, but she wasn’t going to discuss it there. 

“And nothing happened,” Kathryn said quickly. “Which is precisely my point. She had every opportunity to attack me. She even acknowledged the baby and pointed out the...the weaknesses of human gestation. But she made no move to exploit that perceived weakness. She’s feeling alone. Isolated and, perhaps, a little broken. She doesn’t want to attack anyone. She simply wants to feel—like she’s a part of something. And we’re going to start helping her feel that way.”


	90. Chapter 90

AN: Hi! I won’t apologize every time I’m able to pop in with another chapter. You already know the drill right now. Real life is hectic and I’m honestly doing the best I can. I wish I had more time to write, but I write when I can. 

 

I do want to thank you all for reading and supporting me. It means a lot. I hope to have more to offer you very soon! 

 

I hope you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

 

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Chakotay seemed to almost find it impossible to speak or even maintain eye contact with Kathryn. He’d held onto decorum for long enough to get out of the cargo bay, but then he hadn’t tried to pretend that he wasn’t practically sweating anger and frustration. 

 

Kathryn quickly rid herself of her position as captain for a moment by delegating a few tasks and giving a few orders. Things would run well in her very temporary absence. After all, she knew that, at this moment, dealing with her husband was the most important thing that she had to do. She took up the role of being a wife entirely, left behind the role of captain, and went after Chakotay.

 

Chakotay walked quickly down the corridors with full-length strides and Kathryn had to double time her steps to keep up with him. He maintained his silence and she didn’t push him to speak. She didn’t even remind him that she was behind him, half-jogging to keep up. Kathryn followed Chakotay to the holodeck and she waited while he made his request for one of the boxing programs that he was fond of using as a form of stress relief. When he stepped into the holodeck, he allowed Kathryn to follow him, though he still kept silent. It was clear that he wasn’t ready to speak to her yet, and Kathryn respected that. 

 

Chakotay chose one of the training programs instead of crawling into the ring to fight with a computer-generated opponent. He launched into abusing a punching bag that was suspended from the ceiling and Kathryn stood, a short distance away, with her arms crossed across her chest and watched his attack. 

 

She didn’t feel threatened. Chakotay’s current show of brute strength wasn’t aimed at her. It wasn’t meant to intimidate her. It wasn’t meant for her, truly, in any way. This was how he liked to blow off steam and it was, often, necessary to keep him from unleashing his temper on members of the crew—Kathryn included.

 

Chakotay was fully aware of Kathryn’s presence there, but he ignored her just the same. He fought with an absolute fury against the punching bag, but then he slowly started to tire. His jaw was the first place where Kathryn saw very clear evidence that he was starting to reach a point of relief. It relaxed, no longer nearly as tense as it had been in the cargo bay. Kathryn waited just a little longer until his breathing was clearly starting to become labored from his efforts. She finally judged it safe to speak. 

 

“I know you want to talk to me,” Kathryn said. “I know you’ve got plenty to say. So why don’t you just go ahead and talk to me?” 

 

“You make me so damned angry sometimes, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. He stopped pounding on the punching bag, but he didn’t come over to close the distance between them. He looked as though he wasn’t entirely certain that he was done expending energy. 

 

His words and the tone of his voice stung, but Kathryn accepted them. 

 

“I’ve never done anything with the intention of making you angry, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. “I only do what I have to do.” 

 

“You only do what you want to do,” Chakotay corrected. He turned back to the bag and laid in a few good punches before he stopped, panting, and looked at Kathryn again. He shook his head at her. “I don’t think we should have the rest of this conversation right now. I think I’m at risk of saying something that I might regret. I’d rather not do that right now.” 

 

“What if I promise not to hold anything against you?” Kathryn asked. “I think it's better to have the conversation. We need to get things out in the open. It’s better than letting negative feelings fester, Chakotay. And—the sooner we talk about it, the sooner we’re able to put it behind us and move on. I understand that you’re upset. I understand that you’re mad at me for going in the cell. I’m not going to hold that against you.”

 

“You knew I would be,” Chakotay said. “But you went in anyway. You put yourself at risk, and you put her at risk, and you knew that I would be mad, but you did it anyway.”

 

“Chakotay—you have to believe me when I tell you that I didn’t make a rash decision. I made an educated decision based on what I could clearly see. It wasn’t like Seven of Nine was going to do anything. She could barely stand up. You saw how she was when you got to the cargo bay. She was barely able to stay on her feet. She wasn’t a threat to me. She was so weak that she couldn’t have hurt me if she’d wanted to. I knew that. And I knew that I could have security there in a matter of seconds if I called for them. I didn’t go in there recklessly or blindly. And I certainly didn’t go in there just to make you mad. I assessed the situation and I responded in the manner that I thought was best. That’s what all my training has taught me to do. That doesn’t change just because I married you and found out I was expecting our first child.” Chakotay didn’t say anything. He simply stared at Kathryn. She got the feeling that he expected her to keep speaking. Maybe he wanted her to keep speaking. She licked her lips. “Seven of Nine noticed the baby. She mentioned my pregnancy. But she never threatened me. Not once. I knew that—showing her a bit of trust might go a long way in earning her trust. I think it did. I believe that we can trust her, Chakotay.” 

 

“Clearly you do,” Chakotay said. “You trusted her with your life. You trusted her with our daughter’s life. We don’t even know what she’s capable of—but you trusted her that much by going in that cell.”

 

“I was trained to handle first contact situations,” Kathryn said. “And all the danger that comes with those. That’s essentially what this is. The whole thing with Seven of Nine. We’ve never dealt with a disconnected drone before. At least—not like this. We’ve never dealt with a drone that we’ve disconnected from the collective.” Kathryn paused. She could remind Chakotay that the only other disconnected drones they’d ever dealt with had very nearly led to him leaving their marriage entirely, but she decided it was best not to mention that. It wouldn’t serve her argument in any way, and it might only heighten the emotions surrounding them. “This is a type of first contact. We know there are risks involved—but that’s what’s expected of a captain.”

 

“A captain who would have been on shore leave until the baby was born,” Chakotay said.

 

“Our situation is different,” Kathryn said. “And I’m not really sure that I can say that I’m sorry. I’ve agreed to take the breaks that everyone thinks I need, but I don’t think that carrying her makes me incapable of being a captain—or of being a good captain.”

 

Chakotay was now fully calm. His breathing was starting to return to normal. Though he was coated with sweat, there was very little to give away the fury that had been boiling in him only moments before.

 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Chakotay said. “That’s never what I meant. You’re good at what you do, Kathryn. You’re an incredible captain. I only want—to protect you. I want to protect her. You can’t understand what I felt—what I’m still feeling. When I close my eyes, I sometimes get seized with this terror. It’s like a reminder of what I felt and the fear that it isn’t really over. The worst feeling I've ever felt in my life was when you were lying there on the table, vulnerable, and there was nothing that I could do to help you. I couldn’t save you, but I felt like you were counting on me. I couldn’t even tell you not to worry about her—because I couldn’t save her either. There was—there was just nothing that I could do, Kathryn. And that...”

 

Chakotay broke off. Kathryn could finish the statement for him even without his words. That still haunted him and it might very well haunt him for a long time to come. He’d felt truly helpless. 

 

And Kathryn felt for him. She offered him the best reassuring smile that she could and she dared to close the distance between them. He didn’t back away from her. She touched his face, her fingertips immediately dampened with his sweat. She leaned up and kissed his lips. He responded, moaning at her.

 

He’d been angry, but the kiss reminded him that he was honestly more frightened than furious. 

 

“I want you to listen to me,” Kathryn said. “You did everything you could. You did the best that you could. For me. For her. And that’s all I’ll ever ask of you. I’ll never ask you to do more than you can, Chakotay. I understand that you want to protect both of us. I’m touched that you want to protect us. I need that from you. But—I also need you to understand that I want to protect her too. I want to protect you. I want to protect this crew. I don’t make foolish decisions, Chakotay, in some kind of attempt to prove something. I don’t set out to be reckless or to create problems. I didn’t go into that cell today on a whim. I assessed the situation carefully. I made a decision based on my observations. I made the correct decision, Chakotay. Nobody got hurt, and I was able to break through a bit of the barrier that separates us from the Borg drone. I’m safe. I’m fine. She’s fine. Honestly, Chakotay, the most stressful part of the whole situation for she and I is what’s happening right now. This conversation. Because I don’t like to see you angry and I hate for us to argue. I’m not angry at you for being angry, Chakotay. I’m simply asking you to trust me to make decisions sometimes. I’m asking you to trust that I’ll make the best decisions I can.” 

 

“You know I do,” Chakotay said.

 

“I don’t know that,” Kathryn corrected. “But I’ll believe you if you tell me that you trust me.” 

 

“I absolutely trust you, Kathryn. I’ve followed you this far,” Chakotay said with a laugh. “I convinced my crew to become part of your crew. On a strictly professional level, I’d do whatever you asked me to do because I believe that you’ve got the best interest of your crew at heart. And I believe that you’ll do whatever you have to do to give them the best life that you can.”

 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

 

“And that’s why you’re an exceptional first officer,” Kathryn said. “But I feel like there’s something else there.”

 

Chakotay smiled at her. It was the first hint of a smile that she’d seen from him since he’d discovered what she’d done. This time he leaned into her and stole a kiss from her that she was all too happy to give him.

 

“On a personal level—I’d give my life for you Kathryn. Without hesitation. Without...without even blinking.”

 

“I thought that a first officer would do that too,” Kathryn teased.

 

“You know what I’m trying to say,” Chakotay said.

 

“I do,” Kathryn said. “But maybe it never needed to be said. It can just—be felt. Some things can just be felt, Chakotay.”

 

“It scares me that something’s going to happen to you that I can’t stop,” Chakotay said. “We don’t know what that drone is capable of. Disconnected or not, she still maintains a good bit of her identity as Borg.”

 

Kathryn nodded her head. 

 

“But the only way we learn what she’s capable of is by interacting with her. That’s the only way we learn about her intentions. I’m the captain, Chakotay. It’s my job to explore this, especially if I’m going to request that my crew accept her when so many of them are uncomfortable with her presence.” Kathryn swallowed and held his eyes with her own. “And I’m going to need the support of my first officer on a professional level and my husband on a personal level.”

 

Chakotay frowned at her and Kathryn felt her chest tighten. Just an expression from him could make it difficult for her to breathe. 

 

“There’s a part of me that wishes I could go on shore leave for as long as you’d like,” Kathryn said softly. “Just so I never have to see you hurt. What can I do, Chakotay, to make you feel better?” 

 

He seemed to consider it a moment.

 

“I’m not going to like it, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, “but I accept what you’re saying and I know that you’re right. If you want the crew to accept the Borg drone, then you’re going to have to lead the way as captain. I’m going to ask, though, that you don’t interact with her alone. At least not for a while. Not until we’ve got a better feel for her. I’m just—I’m going to ask that you make sure that I’m with you. Or Tuvok’s with you. Someone. I just don’t want you taking the chance of being alone with her.”

 

Kathryn smiled at him.

 

“I think that’s very fair,” she said. “And I’ll absolutely make you that promise. I won’t be alone with Seven of Nine until we’re a little more confident about what we’re dealing with.”

 

“Thank you,” Chakotay breathed out before he caught her face again and kissed her.

 

Kathryn felt the blood rush to her cheeks when he pulled away from her. She raised her eyebrows at him.

 

“You could use a shower,” Kathryn said. “If you’re not too mad at me—maybe we could start practicing this whole—don’t do things alone thing.”

 

“I thought it was you who wasn’t going to do things alone,” Chakotay said.

 

“It’s only fair that it applies to both of us,” Kathryn said. “We’re in this partnership together.”

 

“You make a compelling argument,” Chakotay said. “In fact, I don’t think I can come up with a very good argument against it.”

 

“Do you really want to?” Kathryn asked with a laugh.

 

“What I want is to take you up on your offer,” Chakotay said. “But the captain has duties.”

 

“And the captain is required to take breaks,” Kathryn said with a wink. “We’ll multi-task and have dinner as well. I’ll let Tuvok know.”

 

“And I’ll let Neelix know,” Chakotay said. “After all—this is a partnership.”


	91. Chapter 91

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Kathryn had never had to balance her personal life with her job as a captain before—at least not in the way that she had to balance it now. 

Before she’d always had a personal life that remained outside of her ship, and she’d always remained fairly distant with her crew. She had been very good at the old idea of keeping personal and professional lives separate.

Life was nothing like it had once been.

Now Kathryn considered her crew to be her family. Her ship was her home. Her role as captain thrust her somewhat awkwardly into the position of confidant and sometimes-mother to almost everyone onboard. 

There was no separation of ship and life. 

And more than that, she was married to her first officer and expecting what they hoped was the first of many children together.

Kathryn was having to learn how her new balance worked. The good thing about it, though, was that the family she’d found on her ship also treated her like family. They were there to help her juggle the things that she hadn’t quite learned to juggle on her own. 

Sometimes Kathryn was going to have to be a captain. Sometimes she was going to have to be a wife. Sometimes she would be a friend or a mother first.

And, sometimes, she would have to find a way to be everything all at once.

The idea of it was exhausting, but for now things were calm enough that she could decide the best way to split herself into pieces.

Their Borg drone was only very slowly growing accustomed to the idea that there was no “backing out” of becoming human again. Alone in the cargo bay, she rambled about and complained about what had happened to her. She lamented being alone, but she raged against whoever tried to offer her company because she found their company inferior. Still, someone went down there daily to try to speak with her and the doctor frequented the cargo bay to make sure that she was healing.

But she was fine where she was until she was ready to behave herself. There was no pressing need to deal with her. Unlike when she’d been in the brig, she had the ability to recharge herself, so there was no need to worry about what might happen to her without access to her alcove. She was fine to be left alone until she seemed more receptive to having the company that she seemed to desperately want.

Kathryn put down the weight of the drone for the time being.

The space around them was calm. As they travelled, little more than blips showed up on their sensors to indicate planets or ships. Because they weren’t in desperate need of supplies, and because many of them were a little weary after the events with the Borg, Kathryn put out the command that they would remain on course for now. They would travel straight through, at a comfortable speed of warp 7 whenever they could hold it, and they wouldn’t interact with anyone—not right now and not if it could be avoided. They would make some progress and cover some distance. That was their main concern.

All of her crew seemed relieved by the command, and they seemed quite happy to simply be travelling without the worry over whether or not the species with which they were about to make contact was friend or foe.

In peaceful skies, it was easier to leave command in the hands of her various crew members from time to time.

Kathryn put down the weight of sole-command for the time being.

For several weeks, Kathryn did regular shifts on the bridge, but she didn’t push her hours. She put in a few hours of reading reports and making adjustments, but she didn’t burn the proverbial midnight oil. She checked on the situation with the drone and reminded the Borg drone that the sooner she cooperated, the sooner she could join the “collective” of the ship, but she didn’t push the Borg and she didn’t spend too much of her time in the drone’s company. She visited with crew members, checked on their morale, and thanked Neelix for all his efforts to make sure that everyone was relaxed and happy as they travelled onward.

And Kathryn focused on what she decided was the most important thing for her to handle at the moment—she focused on making sure that her husband was happy.

The stress that Chakotay had suffered because of Kathryn’s accident had made it difficult for him to sleep. He’d been plagued by nightmares about Kathryn that kept him waking up at night. She would wake, sometimes to his screaming out and other times to his searching her body out with his hands in a frantic attempt to assure himself that she was real and hadn’t slipped away from him. He’d slept a few nights with the aid of medication provided by the doctor, but then something had changed.

When Kathryn started to relax, Chakotay started to relax. When Kathryn took the breaks she’d been ordered to take—without further orders being necessary—and voluntarily excused herself for her meals, Chakotay stopped having quite so many nightmares. When it was Kathryn that reminded Chakotay that their shift was over and she would like for him to come to bed, the nightmares had started to cease altogether. She had started to sleep peacefully under the arm of her husband who slept as solidly as she’d ever known him to sleep.

Sometimes, the most important thing that Kathryn had to do was to take care of the one person who would never fail to try to take care of her.

One evening after they’d made love and Kathryn had excused herself to the bathroom to pee once more and freshen up for bed, Kathryn had settled in while Chakotay had gone to take care of any last minute things he might want to handle before sleeping. She readjusted her pillows, snuggled into the blankets, and rubbed her hand over the growing swell of her belly. 

“Is she kicking?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn hummed.

“Kicking,” she said. “Rolling. Moving. I don’t know.”

Chakotay slipped under the cover and slid over to Kathryn in the bed. Immediately his palm covered her belly as it always did when he lie in bed beside her in those quiet hours of the morning and evening. 

But this time, something was different. He furrowed his brow, moved his hand, and then looked at Kathryn. He looked thoroughly confused, but then the confusion gave way to something else and the smallest sign of his dimples appeared.

“Is she still kicking?” Chakotay asked.

“Yeah,” Kathryn said. “It takes her a bit to get settled after we make love. It always wakes her up.”

Chakotay’s smile only grew.

“I can feel her, Kathryn,” he said. He sat up a little more from the positon that he’d taken, resting on his elbow. His hand rubbed over her belly. Then he quickly replaced it, leaning down, by putting his cheek against her skin. “It’s a light little bump...bump...but I can feel it. I can feel her. Kathryn...”

Chakotay sounded almost frantic for just a moment. It was like he was in a panic for something to happen, but Kathryn wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen or how he wanted her to react. She was almost afraid to move. She was afraid that her movement would lull their daughter into stilling—as it sometimes did—or otherwise make her stop performing for her Daddy’s entertainment. 

Kathryn only dared to move her hand to touch Chakotay’s face. She closed her eyes to enjoy, for just a moment, the sensation of what truly seemed like one of the first “family moments” they’d ever fully enjoyed together.

She was half asleep when Chakotay’s lips brought her back into reality by pressing against hers.

“She’s not moving,” Kathryn said softly, opening her eyes. His hand had found its place again on her belly.

“I think I scared her,” Chakotay said with a laugh.

“I think she fell asleep,” Kathryn countered. “She enjoyed it, though.” Kathryn reached her hand up and combed her fingers through Chakotay’s hair. “Her Daddy—paying her attention. Being excited about her. She enjoyed it.” 

“So she stopped,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“So she felt very loved, and very safe, and very warm,” Kathryn said. “And she went to sleep to dream about how happy she was.” 

Chakotay smiled at her sincerely, and that smile was worth everything to Kathryn at that moment. She was the one who felt warm and happy in the presence of it. She felt very loved and very safe and quite willing to curl up under the weight of Chakotay’s arm and go to sleep. She puckered her lips at him out of the overwhelming comfort of the moment and she was pleased when he responded by meeting her with a kiss that was far more passionate than she’d imagined it might be.

“I know that you make it up,” Chakotay said, when the kiss broke. “All the stuff about—how she feels and what she’s thinking. I know that you have no way of knowing those kinds of things. But it still makes me feel good just to imagine it.”

Kathryn smiled at him and raised her eyebrows at him.

“I know a little bit,” she said. “I know that—when I eat things she doesn’t like. She lets me know immediately.” 

“That’s different,” Chakotay insisted.

“I know that when we argue or I’m—something is unpleasant? I know she gives me heartburn that makes me feel miserable,” Kathryn said.

“It’s still different,” Chakotay said. “You and I both know that those are digestive issues. They may be enhanced or affected by your pregnancy and the changes that you’re undergoing, but they’re just simple digestive upsets.”

“OK,” Kathryn ceded. “I know that she has a tendency to be active when I’m still. She rests when I move around. But I also know that, when I get upset, she has a tendency to respond with action. She moves around if I’m upset.”

“Those are responses to chemical changes in your body,” Chakotay said. “You rock her when you move, so she sleeps. You stop moving and she wakes up. When you’re tense or—or nervous—you release chemicals into your bloodstream that she also gets. She responds to that. Probably to muscle movement as well.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I didn’t realize you’d finished your degree in gynecology and obstetrics,” she offered. She pushed herself up on her elbows and moved around to sit up. 

“I’m just pointing out that it’s nice to fantasize that there’s some connection with how she’s feeling, but there are other explanations for what happens,” Chakotay said. 

“Of course there are,” Kathryn agreed. “But then—it’s just as easy to say that the way that I’m feeling is the way that she’s feeling. She’s responding to the hormones and chemicals in my body. So if I’m feeling safe and warm and happy—she’s feeling safe and warm and happy.” Kathryn smiled when Chakotay made an expression to say that he hadn’t fully thought of it that way. “I’m bathing her in my mood, essentially,” Kathryn added. “So when I say that she enjoys her time with her Daddy, I mean that she moved around in response to that, and it made me feel a certain way, so that’s the feeling she got bathed in. When I say she felt a certain way before she drifted off to sleep, it’s because those were the signals that I was sending her.” Kathryn shrugged her shoulders. “She went to sleep with nothing but pleasant feelings. And I know that, because that’s all I was sending her. Besides—I really do believe that she knows your voice. She responds to it. Not just here. On the bridge or in my ready room. She knows her Daddy’s voice. I believe that.” 

Chakotay sat up. He looked like he was thinking seriously about what Kathryn had said. Maybe he was simply feeling choked by the possibility of it. He swallowed several times in rapid succession. Then he finally nodded his head.

“I’ve been waiting for this day,” he said. “I wanted to feel her. I wanted to know that—she’d know I was there. I wanted to feel connected.”

“Do you feel connected?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay reached and lightly trailed his fingers over her belly again so that her muscles jumped in response. She laughed to herself.

“That was me,” she said. “That tickles.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Don’t apologize,” she said. “I like your touch. That’s why I said—I believe she does too.” 

“I like your explanation,” Chakotay said. “Better than my own. Whether it’s true or not, it makes me feel...”

“Happier?” Kathryn asked.

“More in control of things,” Chakotay said. “If it’s something that she gets from you—some signal or some emotion—then it means that I can control some of how she feels. I can do things to help shape her experience by taking care of you.”

“It makes it a little more magical, too,” Kathryn said. “I love science. And—I believe that science is important. But, maybe this is one time when I’d rather just focus on the magic. The miracle of it all.”

Chakotay smiled to himself more than anything and nodded his head. 

“You believe she can hear me?” He asked. “Because everything I’ve read says she might not be able to really distinguish voices very well for another month or so.” 

“She can hear you,” Kathryn assured him, being no surer of it herself than he was. She hadn’t even read the literature, after all, that he read in his spare time.

But the absolute truth didn’t always matter.

Chakotay leaned and brushed his lips against the skin on Kathryn’s belly and her muscles twitched in response again.

“Goodnight,” he said. “Sweet dreams, little one.” 

Kathryn smiled to herself, and she held the smile until Chakotay looked at her and came to request a kiss from her.

“She heard you,” Kathryn said once she’d kissed him. He got comfortable and invited her to join him. He didn’t have to ask twice. She was already settling down into her spot. 

“You think?” Chakotay asked, covering Kathryn with his arm and covering both of them with the blanket.

“I’m sure of it,” Kathryn offered, closing her eyes and accepting the cozy feeling of drifting that came just before she finally slipped into the realm of dreams.


	92. Chapter 92

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“It’s like—it’s an entirely new experience,” Chakotay said. “It’s like she’s real.”

B’Elanna didn’t roll her eyes, exactly, but Chakotay could quickly figure out that she had started to and had only stopped herself just short of actually making the expression.

“Chakotay, you’ve been practically obsessed with her since you and Janeway got back from that planet,” B’Elanna said. “I imagine that you were obsessed with her even there. I can’t believe for a moment that you could become more enamored of her or this whole process.”

“It’s different,” Chakotay said. “Now she’s—she’s so much more real than she was before.”

B’Elanna laughed to herself. 

“She wasn’t real when you built the nursery for her in the holodeck program? She wasn’t real when you were so upset that you might lose her?” B’Elanna asked. “When we talked about me possibly being the surrogate that would carry her if something were to happen to Janeway?”

“She was real,” Chakotay said, “but, no, she wasn’t real. Not like I feel like she is now. Even when everything was happening and we...” Chakotay stopped. He still didn’t like talking about what had happened to Kathryn. It didn’t matter how much time passed, just remembering it could send a chill all the way through his body. He couldn’t imagine that the sensation of cold fear would ever stop coursing through his body when he thought about the very real possibility of suddenly having her stripped from his life entirely. He preferred not to think about it. “I’ve never truly been able to fully accept the idea that she’s a separate entity from Kathryn. She’s been our daughter—an extension of her mother. But to feel her moving, independent of Kathryn—it’s changed my perspective in ways that I never expected.”

Now B’Elanna didn’t hold back. She rolled her eyes at Chakotay. He might have been offended if it were anyone else except B’Elanna. She smiled at him, the corners of her mouth barely turning upward.

“This just means you’re going to be even more unbearable than usual,” B’Elanna said. “But—I suppose we’ll give you a pass. It’s the first time that you’re doing this. It’s new to both of you.”

“And you’ll want the same courtesy extended to you and Tom,” Chakotay offered.

B’Elanna narrowed her eyes at him. Their relationship was advancing quickly. Maybe that’s how things happened on Voyager. But B’Elanna still didn’t like to talk about things unless she was the one that decided that she wanted to discuss them. Her face relaxed a moment later, her teasing threat was done.

“There’s actually—something that I need to talk to you about,” B’Elanna said. 

“Anything,” Chakotay said. 

“At least get in here with me and pretend that you’re helping me repair these conduits,” B’Elanna said. 

Chakotay had offered to help B’Elanna more for the sake of speaking to her more than anything else. The repair job, if it could even be called that, was minor at best. B’Elanna could do it alone, with her eyes closed, and with one hand tied behind her back. Still, for the sake of keeping up appearances, Chakotay at least picked up tools to pass to her while she worked. 

B’Elanna focused on what she was doing for a moment, but as soon as she was comfortably settled into her work, she spoke again.

“Tom and I want to get married,” B’Elanna said. 

It had been something that had been tossed about here and there. Tom talked about it. B’Elanna talked about it. But they hadn’t actually gone through with it. It was always going to happen, but it never did.

“Congratulations,” Chakotay said, absolutely certain that he’d offered the same sentiment at least twice before. It didn’t matter, though, because he’d offer it time and time again for the two people in question.

“Not so fast,” B’Elanna said.

“No congratulations are in order?” Chakotay asked, laughing to himself at the rejected sentiment.

“Not yet,” B’Elanna said. 

“Is there a problem?” Chakotay asked.

“You and the captain are the problem,” B’Elanna said.

“I beg your pardon,” Chakotay said, laughing to himself only because he could hear that there was absolutely no malice in B’Elanna’s voice.

“You never married,” B’Elanna said. “On the ship, I mean. There was no wedding. There was nothing for everyone to witness. You were just married and that was that. There was nothing for the crew to really see and celebrate. Nothing that took you and Kathryn from being captain and first officer to husband and wife. We were all just supposed to accept it. There was no official ceremony.” 

“Kathryn’s mentioned something about that,” Chakotay said. “In fact—after everything with the Borg, when she was somewhat delusional, she was worried that we weren’t really married if there was no wedding for everyone to witness.”

“I know,” B’Elanna said. 

Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her when she looked at him. She smiled softly.

“Janeway talks to me,” B’Elanna said, “and there are a few things she remembers from that time. Her concern over the marriage is one of them. And, I believe, that you might have told her that you’d remedy that.” 

Kathryn and B’Elanna were forming something that could only be called a friendship. Chakotay knew very well that Kathryn was really starting to learn how to turn off and on her “captaincy” when it was necessary. He didn’t begrudge her the relationship that she was forming with B’Elanna at all. On the contrary, he thought the relationship was good for both women. 

“She hasn’t mentioned it,” Chakotay said. “Not to me, and not since that day.”

“Maybe because it feels like a silly thing to mention?” B’Elanna offered. 

“Your words or hers?” Chakotay asked.

“Does it really matter, Chakotay?” B’Elanna asked. “You’ve been—stressed, Chakotay. Janeway notices that. She doesn’t want to add to that stress any more than she has to. She can’t keep work related problems off your shoulders, but she can keep personal issues to herself if they aren’t something that she feels is serious enough to warrant adding to your stress. This is a non-serious issue because we all know you’re married—even if there was no wedding to mark that with the crew.”

“If she wants a wedding,” Chakotay said, “I’d marry her a thousand times. Today.”

“Then you won’t have any problem with what I’m about to say,” B’Elanna said. Chakotay waited her out a moment in silence, sure that she would speak when she was good and ready to do so. “I don’t want Tom and me to marry before you and Janeway do something. It just doesn’t—I guess it just doesn’t feel right to me. I’ve told Tom as much, but he won’t stop pressing me to commit. To set some kind of date and make some kind of plan.”

“And you’re wanting us to get on with it if we intend to do something,” Chakotay finished for her.

“I’m not your superior,” B’Elanna said, “or I’d order you to marry your wife, Chakotay.”

Chakotay laughed to himself and B’Elanna echoed his humor while she tinkered with the repair that she might have finished by now if she’d actually been focusing on it. 

“I just wished she’d told me that it really mattered to her,” Chakotay said.

“With everything else going on,” B’Elanna said, shrugging her shoulders. “I think she thinks it doesn’t really matter.”

“Clearly it does if she said something to you about it,” Chakotay responded quickly.

“It doesn’t matter in comparison with everything else, perhaps. Or maybe she just wanted to share something with me,” B’Elanna said. “At any rate, marry your wife so I can marry Tom and we can all get on with our lives.”

“We could do a joint ceremony if you wanted,” Chakotay said.

B’Elanna hummed in the negative and shook her head. 

“No,” she said. “Separate ceremonies. I want to witness your wedding without being wrapped up in emotions about my own. Besides—everyone should have their own special day.”

“Separate ceremonies,” Chakotay agreed. “I’ll talk to Kathryn, and we’ll talk to Neelix since I’m sure he and Kes will want to arrange everything.” 

“Chakotay,” B’Elanna said, “can you plan it soon? We’re kind of anxious to get on with our lives.”

Chakotay laughed to himself. 

“Point taken,” he said. “Do you need my help, or would it be more constructive for me to go find Kathryn?”

“I believe I can finish this up on my own,” B’Elanna said, “but your help has been indispensable up to this point.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself, clapped B’Elanna on the shoulder, and excused himself to go and find his wife so that he could see about making her his wife again—just for good measure and for the added comfort and security of everyone onboard the ship who might want to see an actual ceremony.

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“You don’t want to be alone,” Kathryn said. “You don’t want to be lonely. You’ve spent so much time as part of the collective, that you’ve lost your identity as an individual. Beyond even that, though, you fear loneliness.”

She was keeping her tone even and soothing. Seven of Nine wasn’t fighting her or anyone else at this point. She was standing, arms crossed, with her back halfway to Kathryn while she stared at the wall as though there were something there to see. 

Kathryn had come down there after Harry informed her that Seven of Nine had spoken to him and, in some words, expressed her loneliness. He thought she might be ready to discuss joining the crew and being released from her somewhat self-enforced imprisonment in the cargo bay. Kathryn hoped he was right.

Life, alone, in the cargo bay was very lonely. Seven of Nine had chosen this particular life, however, so she had only herself to blame. She’d been invited to join the crew, but had declined out of something that Kathryn could only call stubbornness. It had taken a little time for her solitude to wear her down, but now she was ready to start talking about her future on the ship. She was ready to start accepting that they meant what they said—she wouldn’t be returned to the Borg. 

The doctor had removed every implant he could. Her human side was strongly reasserting itself, though there were certainly Borg elements that remained present in the once-drone. Some of that, Kathryn predicted, would never leave her. Kathryn had ordered an extensive search of their databases, and she’d gathered enough information to discover who Seven of Nine had been when she’d been assimilated. She knew how it was that the former-drone, standing in front of her, had become part of the collective. She knew that Seven of Nine had been a child when she’d become Borg. The collective was practically all she knew. 

“Annika Hansen,” Kathryn offered. “Do you remember that name?” 

“It is irrelevant,” Seven of Nine responded.

“Would you prefer, then, if we all called you Seven of Nine?” Kathryn asked.

“It is my designation,” Seven of Nine responded.

“May we at least call you Seven?” Kathryn asked. “Streamline it a little?”

Seven of Nine glanced in Kathryn’s direction. 

“It is imprecise,” Seven said, “But it is acceptable.” 

Kathryn offered her a smile.

“Very well,” Kathryn said. “We’ll call you Seven. Seven—just as Ensign Kim told you—your loneliness is a choice. We would welcome the chance to have you as part of our crew. You could be part of our collective, if you will.”

“Your collective is imperfect,” Seven said. “It is inferior. It lacks efficiency.”

Kathryn swallowed back the small sting that such a string of insults brought to her pride. She reminded herself that Seven—having grown up as a Borg—knew very little about social etiquette. 

“It may not offer what the Borg collective had to offer,” Kathryn said, “but I think you’ll find it has a lot of other wonderful things to offer you. We’ve got emotions. Feelings. We can offer you the chance to have a family. To care for others and to have others care for you.”

“Emotions,” Seven offered.

Kathryn nodded her head.

“Emotions are not productive,” Seven informed Kathryn. 

“But they do make us human,” Kathryn said.

“I am Borg,” Seven said.

“And already most of that is fading,” Kathryn said. “You’re human, Seven, and I’m sure you’re going to enjoy being human. The first thing you have to do, though, is figure out what it means to be human.” She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Think of it as an experiment. Think of it as—as a different type of assimilation. Join us. Learn about being human. Try to be the best human that you can be, Seven. Embrace your identity and your humanity. Learn to be a part of our crew—our collective.” 

Seven frowned at Kathryn. Whether or not she wanted to admit she was human—and even though she might have some Borg pieces, parts, and capabilities left—she was clearly human. Even though she might think that emotions were a waste of time, she was clearly starting to feel them. Her loneliness had been one that she’d felt strongly. Now, perhaps, she was feeling something more or, at the very least, she was feeling a different effect of that loneliness.

“I would—benefit—from an assignment,” Seven said. “And you are—the queen of this collective.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“I’m the captain,” Kathryn said. “But if it helps you to orient yourself—I’ll be whatever you need to me be.” 

“Will you give me an assignment?” Seven asked. 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows.

“Asking you to start learning to be yourself wouldn’t be enough?” Kathryn asked.

“I would not know where to begin with such an assignment,” Seven offered.

Kathryn nodded.

“Very well,” she said. “I understand. I—I’m assigning you to collect and analyze whatever data you can gather about the individuals onboard this vessel. What do they do? How do they act? Gather your information, analyze it, and—and report to me.” 

“When?” Seven asked. “How will I know my assignment is complete?” 

“Your assignment will be complete when you feel prepared to give me a report on the actions, emotions—and the driving forces behind those actions and emotions—of all the people on this ship.” 

Seven considered it a moment and nodded her head. 

“Emotional information is not information that the Borg gathered,” Seven said. “It will be an opportunity to gather knowledge that I do not currently possess.”

“So you’ll do it?” Kathryn asked.

“I will comply,” Seven agreed.

Kathryn smiled at her and touched the woman’s shoulder. Seven looked at her hand, but she didn’t respond negatively. Instead, she outstretched her hand and somewhat roughly patted Kathryn’s shoulder. Kathryn nodded at her, not wanting to discourage her first steps toward becoming a member of the crew.

“You will be allowed to leave the cargo bay,” Kathryn said. “To interact with everyone. But we expect you to behave as a member of the crew. If you try anything, Seven...”

“I will be confined once more,” Seven finished for her.

“In solitary confinement,” Kathryn said. “Possibly for the remainder of our trip to the Alpha Quadrant. And that, Seven, will be a very long time to be alone.”

Seven nodded her head.

“I understand,” she said. “I will obey.”


	93. Chapter 93

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay was surprised at his own body. He sat quietly and listened to it—really listened.

The bridge was quiet. There was nothing happening. They hadn’t seen even a blip of anything beyond themselves on their short or long range sensors for almost forty eight hours. Everyone remained at their posts, theoretically ready for anything that might happen, but most of them were at least semi-engaged in something else.

Kathryn was reading from a PADD. Her eyes danced back and forth as they followed the words in front of them. She may have been reading reports or, perhaps, she might have moved onto something for pleasure by now. Every now and again, she reached her hand down, seemingly without realizing it, and brushed her fingers over the space in her body that their daughter occupied. Chakotay watched her hand when it made those trips and, more than once, he wanted to break protocol and reach across to rest his hand there and feel the movements of their daughter.

He was about to break protocol entirely, though. He could only hope that Kathryn forgave him and took it well.

His whole body buzzed with an unexpected anxiety that amused him almost to the point of relieving him of the anxiety he was feeling. Kathryn was his wife. As far as he knew, and he felt like he knew their situation pretty well, there wasn’t any regret on Kathryn’s part that she was married to him. He couldn’t imagine that, given the chance, she would dissolve their union.

Yet his body was clearly responding with anxiety when he thought about asking her to marry him again. 

It wasn’t going to stop him, though.

When Kathryn rose—either to do the somewhat customary pacing around the bridge that she’d begun to do when their daughter was a bit too active for her tastes or to go to her ready room—Chakotay saw his window of opportunity. He hit his feet as quickly as she did and, reaching for her hand, stopped her from going too far. Kathryn turned, her brow furrowed, and before she could ask him what was wrong, Chakotay cleared his throat and lowered himself to one knee.

Immediately, and without looking at them, he could tell that he had the attention of the entire bridge crew. That was what he wanted, though, and that was the reason that he’d chosen this particular shift to ask the important question that had been bouncing around his mind since B’Elanna had brought the situation to his attention.

Kathryn glanced around, clearly aware of their audience, and Chakotay didn’t miss that her cheeks ran pink with color.

“Commander,” she started, and Chakotay smiled to himself at her attempt to reestablish some sense of order, as she saw it, on the bridge.

“Captain,” Chakotay said quickly, not bothering to swallow down his smile.

“This isn’t...appropriate,” Kathryn stammered out. “We’re on the bridge.”

“Oh come on!” Tom interjected quickly. 

“That will be all, Mr. Paris,” Kathryn responded. “The bridge is...”

Chakotay waited, biting the inside of his cheek not to laugh, caressing Kathryn’s hand in his while she clearly struggled with what she both knew would happen and wanted to happen.

“With all due respect, Captain,” Tuvok offered, “there is absolutely no Starfleet regulation that prohibits the proposal of a First Officer to his Captain on the bridge. Especially not in cases where said officers have already celebrated marriage.”

“And especially not when they’re living under Delta Quadrant variations to the rules,” Tom interjected.

“Delta Quadrant variations are not a true part of Starfleet regulations,” Kathryn offered.

“They should be,” Tom said. “They aren’t just because they’ve never had a reason to be before.”

Kathryn looked toward Tuvok and sighed. She closed her eyes and looked back toward Chakotay. He didn’t know if she was overwhelmed or embarrassed or what might be the emotion that was coursing through her body at warp speed, but her cheeks were pink and her eyelashes were clearly damp. Her eyes glistened with dampness when she opened them. She smiled at him.

“Very well, Commander,” she said. Her voice was low and warm. Just the tone of it sent a shiver through Chakotay’s body and he pulled her hand to him and gently kissed it. 

“Remind me to give Tuvok a token of my esteem,” Chakotay teased. “Kathryn—I knew that you would say that the bridge wasn’t the place for this, but I thought about it and I decided that the bridge was the only place that was appropriate. I first asked you to be my wife on New Earth. I married you there. I told you that a marriage was so much more than vows said for other people to witness, and I meant that. New Earth was the first place that I was allowed to love you freely, openly, and completely. But it wasn’t the first place that I loved you, and it wasn’t the place where I fell in love with you. Right here on this bridge was the first place that I saw you. It was the place where I fell in love. Now that we’re surrounded by friends and—and family—here on Voyager, they’re all wanting to witness our marriage. Not because it makes our marriage any more legitimate, and not because our marriage needs witnesses, but because they want to share that with us. I thought, then, that it was only fair that they share this with us—or at least that some of them share this with us—and that it happen in the place where I first quietly dreamed of asking you this very question.”

“Get on with it,” Tom heckled.

Chakotay laughed to himself and Kathryn laughed too. He squeezed her hand in his.

“Kathryn—will you marry me? Again and for our friends and family to witness?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn swiped at her face quickly with the hand that Chakotay wasn’t holding. She brushed away a few of the droplets that had escaped her eyes. She nodded her head.

“I first fell in love with you here,” Kathryn said. “But—I knew it wasn’t appropriate.”

“Delta Quadrant variations,” Tom offered.

Kathryn laughed to herself and Chakotay echoed the laughter. 

“I’m going to pay you back for this,” Chakotay said quietly, tossing the comment in Tom’s direction. Tom reclined back in his chair the best he could and laughed.

“I knew it wasn’t appropriate,” Kathryn repeated, “because of our ranks. Because—of commitments that I’d made in the Alpha Quadrant. Because—just because. But it didn’t change how I felt. It couldn’t. Appropriate or not, I loved you. I still do. And—I would marry you again every day for the rest of our lives.”

Chakotay smiled at her.

“So that’s a yes?” He asked.

“Get up off the floor, Chakotay,” Kathryn said, her smile growing broader. “It’s a yes.”

Chakotay stood up and pulled Kathryn to him quickly. 

“Permission to kiss the captain?” He asked.

“Permission granted,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay kissed her and she returned the kiss to the sound of applause that was as thunderous as their current bridge crew could possibly make it. Chakotay held the kiss for a while and cherished holding Kathryn in his arms. The earlier unfounded anxiety washed out of his system as she kissed him back—regardless of their audience and their location—with as much passion as she’d ever kissed him with.

When they pulled away, they looked around and both acknowledged their audience.

“We hope you’ll all attend the ceremony,” Chakotay offered. “Just as soon as Kes and Neelix finish making all the arrangements.”

There was a unanimous jumble of sounds that declared that they would, indeed, attend the ceremony. Then Tom rushed to his feet.

“As long as we’re breaking protocol,” he said, “then I want to get in on this before all the rules come flooding back to the bridge. I’ve seen you doing it, and I’ve caught Chakotay a couple of times in the turbolift. Permission to touch the first baby?”

“Is she moving?” Chakotay asked. He immediately placed his hand on Kathryn’s belly and she covered his with her own, as she often did. 

“She is,” Kathryn said. “Actually—I guess it’s the excitement.”

Tom hovered his hand near her, still waiting for permission. She smiled and nodded at him and Chakotay moved his hand. As soon as Tom rested his hand on Kathryn’s belly, she moved it, helping him to find a spot where he might be lucky enough to snag some of the sensation of their baby’s gentle movements. Chakotay was amused by Tom’s expression of sheer satisfaction, and he wondered how long Tom had secretly been waiting for the chance to do what he was doing. 

Harry came quickly from his spot, hand out, seeking the same satisfaction that Tom had found. Kathryn humored both of them—all protocols forgotten for the moment—and both of them looked like she’d granted them something magical.

It had been clear from the moment they’d announced their daughter’s existence, after all, that she belonged to everyone onboard Voyager in some way. Two of her adoptive uncles were clearly relishing their first contact situation with her.

“Can you feel her?” Kathryn asked quietly, as though she feared her voice would somehow break the spell of the moment. “She’s slowing down. She won’t go on much longer.” 

“I think I felt her,” Tom said, not pulling his hand away just yet. 

“I don’t feel anything,” Harry said, disappointment shining through in his tone.

“It might be worthwhile to point out that the baby is very small,” Tuvok offered from his position behind his station. “It is still early in the Captain’s gestation for anyone to expect to feel the fetal movement. With some time, the movements will be much more noticeable.”

“He’s right,” Kathryn echoed. 

At her words, both Harry and Tom stopped searching out movement and gave her some space. She was smiling softly, so Chakotay was confident that she’d found the interaction more pleasant than bothersome. She might not broadcast it, but she enjoyed sharing her pregnancy with those around her. Chakotay knew that the crew seldom discussed her pregnancy out of respect or fear of breaching protocol, but Kathryn secretly longed for them to speak about it more than they did. She, however, often felt restricted by the very same protocols that sometimes threatened to choke the rest of them.

“There will be plenty more opportunity,” Chakotay offered. “But it’s pretty amazing when you can find her.” 

Kathryn’s cheeks colored a little at his words, and she directed the smile that she was still wearing in his direction. Her eyes softened and Chakotay felt the familiar shiver run through his body that Kathryn was able to create in him without even trying.

“Congratulations,” Harry offered, returning to his post. Tom sat back down in his chair, as well, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay to be the only ones on their feet—still standing near their seats in the middle of the bridge. Chakotay was sure that, as soon as all the discussion was through, Kathryn would continue on toward her ready room to pick up on whatever task she’d been set on doing when he’d interrupted her earlier. “I guess—I just remembered that we didn’t say it. About the engagement, I mean.” 

“Congratulations,” Tom echoed, “it was about time.”

“We already married once,” Chakotay reminded him.

“But now we need see it,” Tom responded. “When’s the big day?” 

“It doesn’t really matter,” Kathryn said. “Does it?” 

“Tomorrow,” Chakotay said. “Or the next day. No later. Neelix knows about it. He knows I was going to pop the question and that we’d want to do something to celebrate after a short ceremony. I guess we’ll have it whenever he’s had time to prepare.”

“We haven’t even discussed the technicalities,” Kathryn said.

“What technicalities?” Tom asked. “Tuvok will officiate the wedding. Harry and I will be the best men and make sure that Chakotay doesn’t get cold feet, and B’Elanna can be your maid of honor or whatever and carry the bouquet.” 

Kathryn looked at Chakotay with clear amusement on her face. She raised her eyebrow at him. He didn’t need words to hear what she was saying. He shrugged his shoulders at her.

“Unless you had something else in mind,” he offered.

“It sounds fine to me,” Kathryn admitted. “Except...”

“Except?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn hesitated a moment. “It’s your wedding too. It can be however you like.” 

“I was just thinking that I hope you don’t get cold feet,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay laughed quietly. He reached and, catching her hand again, he raised it to his lips once more. He kissed it gently before he squeezed it in his hand. He moved just enough to slip his fingers around the ring that he’d carved for her—a ring that was tighter now than it had been, and one that she’d soon have to stop wearing for a while, even if she was reluctant to admit that her fingers were swelling around it—and he turned it to draw her attention to it.

“Never,” he said simply. He laughed to himself again at the thought that flitted through his mind and, deciding that they’d already broken entirely with the rules for the day, he raised his eyebrows back at her. “Besides—I sleep with you every night. And every night they find me in the bed. I know that you’re the one who tends to have the cold feet in this relationship.” 

Kathryn rolled her eyes at him, pulled her hand away, and quickly walked toward her ready room. He’d caught the hint of a smile, though, as she’d turned. Everyone except Tuvok erupted into laughter and applause. Kathryn didn’t address it until her ready room door slid open. Then she turned around, most of her smile concealed, though the corners of her mouth still turned upward slightly, and addressed them all.

“Alright,” she said. “Alright. Everyone back to work. This is still a starship and we still have jobs to do. Get to work.”

“Aye, Captain,” came the far-too-cheerful response offered by everyone—Chakotay included.


	94. Chapter 94

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

Also, Happy New Year, everyone! 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“It’s not exactly like I can go back to some dream wedding I might have had in mind at some point,” Kathryn said, some levity to her tone. She rested on the couch in her ready room and sipped from a hot mug of decaffeinated coffee for the comfortable feeling that she said the warm beverage gave her. 

Chakotay had offered to handle everything regarding the wedding so that Kathryn could focus on reports and such without having any added stress that wasn’t an everyday part of her captaincy. He might have thought their wedding ceremony should be something simple to plan—something that took less than an hour, even, to throw together—but he was wrong. The ceremony wouldn’t be just a ceremony. It would be a ceremony and a reception. The reception, of course, would simply allow everyone the opportunity to have a party to celebrate the union. 

Tom had insisted on the reception.

Neelix had suggested turning the reception into a dinner and a reception so that, since they were using the mess hall for the gathering place, they could make the best use of time and space.

There would be a wedding cake and a Jiballian fudge cake. There would also be champagne to go with the meal.

Kes was going to handle flowers and decorations. She insisted that things needed to be beautiful and memorable.

Tuvok had asked about vows, since he was officiating, and that had led Chakotay to declare that he and Kathryn would be reciting their own vows—something very short and sweet and much like what they’d exchanged between them on New Earth.

And then had come B’Elanna with the one question that Chakotay didn’t feel qualified to answer. What would they wear? Would it be dress uniforms? Did the captain prefer civilian clothing for her wedding? How would she prefer the wedding party to dress? Would they change before the reception?

That question—in a very long line of overwhelming questions and declarations that had filled a very busy day of preparation—was the one that sent Chakotay to seek Kathryn’s input. She was more than happy to hand the whole thing over to him, declaring that the only thing that mattered to her was celebrating her happy marriage with her friends, but he felt she should have some kind of input in the ceremony. After all, Chakotay had often heard before that there were some little girls who dedicated a great deal of time to dreaming about their weddings. He would hate for Kathryn to have some kind of dream that she hadn’t told him about. He would hate to know that it wouldn’t come true.

“You can go back to any dream you’ve ever had,” Chakotay said. “Kathryn—this is our wedding. It can be however you’d like it. Did you have something that you dreamed of?”

She laughed to herself and drummed her fingertips on the coffee cup. She wasn’t looking at him, and that meant that he felt especially on-alert with her. He wanted to be sure that her avoidance of his eyes was simply that she was preoccupied and not that she was trying to hide something from him for some unexplained reason.

“I wasn’t ever one of those little girls that swooned over the thought of my wedding, Chakotay,” Kathryn said. She looked at him, then, and smiled softly. She shook her head gently. “I did like the idea of marrying someone I loved. I liked the idea of spending my life with someone I loved. But I didn’t dream of an elaborate wedding.”

Chakotay felt his muscles relax. She wasn’t hiding anything from him. He crossed over to the replicator, made a request for tea, and took it with him to sit beside her. As was his custom now, when they were alone, he rested his hand on her belly.

“She’s not moving,” Kathryn said. “She hasn’t been for a little while.”

Chakotay still rubbed his hand over her belly before he moved it, and Kathryn smiled softly at the gesture. She closed her eyes, sleepily, and he bit the inside of his mouth to keep from suggesting—because he was sure she wasn’t going to like the suggestion—that she take a longer break that usual and seize the opportunity to take a nap while there was really very little going on that demanded her immediate and complete attention. 

“If you didn’t dream of an elaborate wedding,” Chakotay asked, “did you at least dream of a simple wedding?” Kathryn stared off like she was thinking—trying to remember if she’d ever even thought about a wedding at all. “You must have thought about it some when you were engaged before,” Chakotay said. “What did you dream of then?” 

Kathryn frowned at Chakotay.

“You know I was thinking about it earlier,” she mused. “It’s funny that you brought it up. Mark doesn’t even know I’m married. I got married and—I never told him.”

“Things have been complicated,” Chakotay said. “To say the least. You couldn’t exactly tell him anything. Are you sorry that you married me, Kathryn?” 

Kathryn laughed to herself and shook her head.

“Please, Chakotay,” she said. “Don’t be ridiculous. I just don’t know what kind of person that makes me.”

“One who got trapped in the Delta Quadrant. One whose life has changed entirely. One who has done everything she can for everyone that she can—but you can’t take care of everyone.”

“He’s probably moved on,” Kathryn said.

“It’s very likely,” Chakotay said. “Our families—everyone—they probably assume we’re dead.”

“I hope he’s moved on,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay reached out and touched her face. With his fingers under her chin, he tipped her face toward him.

“Are you sure there’s no regret that we need to talk about?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn smiled softly at him.

“Chakotay—I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone,” Kathryn assured him. “I meant what I said. I would marry you every day for the rest of our lives. I just—hate to know that I might have hurt someone. That—I think I would have hurt them. Because I’m not sure that, after knowing you and falling in love with you, I could have gone through with the marriage even if we were in the Alpha Quadrant.”

She looked a little troubled, but Chakotay relaxed again, accepting that it wasn’t regret that was troubling her and reminding himself that sometimes, though he didn’t point it out to her, her emotions were pin balling about a bit more than usual these days. He leaned and brought their lips together. When she parted her lips, requesting that he deepen the kiss, he did so, brushing his tongue against hers. He accepted her sigh that followed and he was driven on by the moan that followed quickly after that. He broke away from her and smiled. The kiss, like he had hoped, had erased much of the concern off her features. 

“You know Tom suggested that we spend the night apart,” Chakotay said. “That we stay away from each other as much as possible until the ceremony tomorrow.”

“Sleep apart?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay nodded.

“Is that what you want?” Kathryn asked. Chakotay swallowed down his laughter. It was clear that she didn’t like the suggestion, but she’d go along with it if that’s really what he wanted. 

“What I want is for you to bump him down to ensign for even suggesting that I try to sleep without you,” Chakotay teased. Kathryn smiled. “He did suggest that we have a traditional Bachelor’s party. And that—maybe—it would be nice if you had something traditional, as well. You could—invite whoever you wanted.”

“I don’t mind if you do something,” Kathryn said. “But I don’t think it would be appropriate—since I’m the captain.”

“B’Elanna,” Chakotay said. “Kes. Neither of them would lose any respect for you because you put down the weight of your rank for one evening to relax a little. If it makes you uncomfortable, you could do something quietly. Run a nice holodeck program with them. If you’re feeling a little more comfortable, you could invite whoever you think is appropriate.” Kathryn nodded her head, but she didn’t tell him what the nod meant. Chakotay laughed. “Is that a yes, or is that a way of humoring me so that I’ll leave you alone about it?” 

“I’ll think about it,” Kathryn said.

“The ceremony is tomorrow,” Chakotay reminded her. 

She laughed quietly.

“I’ll think quickly,” she offered.

“Good,” Chakotay said. “I wouldn’t try to make you do something that makes you uncomfortable, but I think that you’d enjoy it if you’d relax. And—I think that it could be good for you.”

“I’ll take that into consideration while I’m thinking about it,” Kathryn said.

“How about the dress?” Chakotay asked, drinking from his mug of cooling tea. “Have you thought about that?” 

“Since you asked me ten minutes ago?” Kathryn asked, raising her eyebrow at him. “It’s not exactly like I can wear white, Chakotay. She patted her belly affectionately. “Not and carry her into the wedding ceremony.”

Chakotay laughed and covered her hand with his own. 

“You can wear any color you like,” Chakotay said. “And I can promise you that nobody is going to say a thing about it. I think you’d look beautiful in white. I think you’d look beautiful in anything you put on.”

“But it’s more appropriate to wear dress uniforms,” Kathryn said.

“This is our wedding,” Chakotay said. “Not an official Starfleet function. Besides, as Tom would say, we have to be flexible. We’re all living our lives according to Delta Quadrant variations to the rules.”

Kathryn laughed quietly. She moved her hand from under Chakotay’s so that she could capture his fingers and she squeezed them. 

“Did you know that there’s are some planets showing up just at the edge of our long-range sensors?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay hummed in the negative. He was sure that the report would make it to him soon, but it wasn’t urgent. They'd been avoiding contact for some time with other life forms and planets. The news of another planet system that they might avoid wasn’t going to be seen as something that anybody needed to worry too much about. Unless, of course, they weren’t going to avoid the planets. 

Chakotay got the sudden feeling that they weren’t going to avoid them or, at the very least, that Kathryn was considering making contact.

“Inhabited?” Chakotay asked.

“We don’t know yet,” Kathryn said. “We’re too far away to detect life forms. I was thinking of trying to talk to Seven—the Borg drone. She’s following my orders to examine human conduct and behavior and report to me on what she finds. Mostly I think she’s been remaining in her alcove. Isolated. I thought—I could invite her to the wedding and the reception. Maybe...” Kathryn trailed off, but she picked up her words again quickly. “I could invite her to the wedding and the reception as a way to study human relationships. The formation of our human collective, if you will. If I’m able to reach her, it may be possible that she knows something about the species around us. The planets and the life forms that we’ll have the potential to come into contact with...”

“Borg knowledge,” Chakotay said.

“I don’t like the Borg any more than you do,” Kathryn said. “And I’m certainly not a fan of how they acquire their knowledge, but as long as she’s onboard Voyager, it makes sense to let her use her knowledge to help us.” Chakotay sighed, but he didn’t say anything. Still, Kathryn seemed to hear him loud and clear. “We’ve been putting off contact since the Borg,” Kathryn said. “But we made a promise to ourselves that we would carry out our own mission of discovery and contact here in the Delta Quadrant. Are we abandoning that mission?”

“After what happened with the Borg,” Chakotay said, “and after what happened with you, contact makes me nervous.”

“We’re a Starfleet vessel,” Kathryn said. “You were a Maquis captain. Certainly you know that danger is a part of our lives.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. He reached and rubbed a finger against Kathryn’s cheek.

“I just never had so much to lose before,” Chakotay said.

“And Seven’s knowledge could help us ensure that we don’t lose anything or anyone,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay nodded.

“Fine,” he said. “Involve the drone in everything.”

“Seven,” Kathryn said. “She prefers to be called Seven of Nine or Seven.”

“Involve Seven in everything,” Chakotay said. “Who knows? Maybe it’ll help her find her humanity. Then we can discuss the planets and making first contact. Until then, though, do you think you could stop thinking about our responsibilities as scientists, explorers, and officers just long enough to think about what you want as part of our wedding celebration?”

Kathryn smiled at him. She leaned and initiated a kiss, this time, and he accepted the kiss that she offered. She tasted like the coffee she’d been drinking. When she pulled away, her eyes were closed and she was smiling at him so sincerely that every part of her face seem involved in the smile. She opened her eyes to him.

“You look so handsome in your dress uniform,” Kathryn said. “But—I think—just this once—I’d like to see you in something black. A suit. A tuxedo. Whatever you’re comfortable in.”

“Civilian attire?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn nodded. He smiled at her. She looked genuinely pleased by the idea. 

“Black for Tom, Harry, and Tuvok as well?” He asked.

“I’ll let you decide,” Kathryn said.

“What about you?” Chakotay asked.

“Tradition would dictate that you wouldn’t see me until the wedding,” Kathryn said. “So—I’ll keep it a surprise.”

“You’ll have to tell B’Elanna,” Chakotay said.

“Don’t worry,” Kathryn said. “I’ll tell B’Elanna. After all, we’ll have an evening to prepare.”

Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her. 

“I guess I better go find Tom, then,” Chakotay said, “and let him know that we’re on for this evening.” 

“I guess you better,” Kathryn agreed. She stood up and put down the practically empty coffee mug. Chakotay put his own cup down beside hers. She would recycle them later. He stood, as well, and she placed her hands on his face before she kissed him, nipping at his bottom lip to tease him as she pulled away from him.

“Permission to finalize plans?” Chakotay asked.

“Permission granted,” Kathryn teased.

“Permission to give the captain an order?” Chakotay asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

“Granted,” she said with a laugh. “Provided the captain doesn’t mind the order.”

“Talk to Seven if you want,” Chakotay said. “Involve her. But delay worrying about the planets until after the wedding’s done. This is supposed to be fun. A time of celebration. I don’t want you missing out on anything because you were focused on work that will be there when this is done.” 

Kathryn smiled and nodded her head.

“Aye, Sir,” she said with a wink. “Now go on. I’ve got a lot of work to do. Wedding work—I mean.” She touched her combadge and immediately called B’Elanna. Chakotay simply nodded at her and turned, leaving her ready room, to let her do what she needed and to focus on the tasks he still had left to accomplish in a short amount of time.


	95. Chapter 95

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. It’s something of a transition chapter. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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“I have to admit, Captain, that I was a little concerned when I heard that you wanted me to bring a swimsuit.” B’Elanna said. 

“Please,” Kathryn said. “Kathryn. It only seems right that—you call me Kathryn, B’Elanna.” 

“Kathryn,” B’Elanna repeated. It sounded like the word must have tasted strange on her tongue, but she’d get used to it eventually. 

If Kathryn was going to do what Chakotay had urged her to do and put down the weight of her captaincy for the night to simply be an everyday person celebrating some kind of girls’ night before her wedding, then she needed to take away any of the formality that was surrounding her professional position. Command had temporarily been handed over to those currently on bridge duty—barring any great and unforeseen emergency—and Chakotay was off enjoying his time on one of the holodecks with Tom and company. Kathryn, for her part, had accepted a very nice holoprogram offered by Neelix to share with B’Elanna, and they were occupying the other holodeck. 

They were sitting side by side in comfortable, reclining chairs, wearing plush robes. Their facial—the first part of their spa experience—was done and they were enjoying having their feet and hands massaged by the holodeck masseuses who were there to serve them and, if they desired, not to interrupt them in any other manner.

It didn’t feel like a time for formality.

“I knew that you’d want the swimsuit,” Kathryn said. 

“For the hot tub,” B’Elanna supplied. “I know. I saw it on the way in.”

“You approve?” Kathryn asked.

“Highly,” B’Elanna said with a sigh. “When Chakotay told me that you agreed to a bachelorette party but that you wanted something relaxing, I have to admit that I really didn’t know how that was going to work out. It’s not really a Klingon custom to have bachelorette parties and the few that I’ve been to with human acquaintances were always loud, ridiculous, and an excuse to drink to excess.”

“For obvious reasons,” Kathryn said, “I didn’t think it would be appropriate to drink.”

“I’ve never cared for drinking much,” B’Elanna said. “It’s an easy way to lose your head.”

“You mean lose control,” Kathryn said. B’Elanna hummed. “I think—maybe we’re a lot alike in that way. Neither of likes to lose control.”

“Captain—Kathryn—I’m sorry,” B’Elanna said. “I’ll get used to it. And forgive me for asking but—aren’t there usually more people at parties?” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. She sat up a little, readjusted the pillow behind her head, and turned to look at B’Elanna. B’Elanna looked back at her.

“I think—just the feet will be fine for now,” B’Elanna suggested. She wasn’t speaking to Kathryn. Clearly she was speaking to their holographic pamperers. The programmed men understood the command, accepted it, and left them with no more company than those who were diligently and quietly rubbing their feet. “I thought—it might be easier to talk if it were less crowded.”

Kathryn raised her eyebrows.

“And maybe that’s why there aren’t a lot of people,” she offered. She sighed. “To be honest? Chakotay wanted me to have this. He wanted me to have—the whole Earth experience of preparing for a wedding. He wanted me to relax and enjoy myself. To let down my guard. Those were practically his words.”

“But, like giving up control,” B’Elanna said, “you find it difficult to do that.”

“Almost impossible,” Kathryn admitted. “And—whether or not I want to relax sometimes, I’m the captain. That’s the role that I’m expected to fill. There are certain expectations that go along with that.”

“Forgive me for saying this,” B’Elanna said, “but Chakotay was my captain for a while. I have always respected him. Everyone has always respected him. But I considered him a friend as well. I think many people did—do. I don’t think that being a captain has to mean that you’re closed off from everyone around you.”

“Being a Starfleet captain has a lot of regulations. Rules,” Kathryn said.

“Which are made to be broken,” B’Elanna said. “Or, at the very least, bent.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“You sound like Tom,” Kathryn said. “I can see some of what draws you together.”

“My point is that—you wouldn’t have spent your whole life on active duty if we were in the Alpha Quadrant. You would have had leave. You would have had time between assignments. You would have had time to nurture relationships and just—live your life—without being an active captain. You don’t have that time off here, but I don’t believe anybody expects you to try to maintain a constant state of formality,” B’Elanna said. 

Kathryn laughed again. 

“I appreciate your permission to—put it down, as Chakotay would say,” Kathryn said. 

“I believe you could have invited others, if you would have liked,” B’Elanna offered. “Kes might have enjoyed this.”

“I did invite Kes,” Kathryn said. “But she’s helping Neelix, and the cake is very complicated. I think—unless you feel uncomfortable—that I’m happy with the guest list as it is.”

“Honestly, I think I would feel more uncomfortable if there were other people here,” B’Elanna admitted. “I’m not really used to—being one of the girls.”

“That’s all we are, here,” Kathryn said. “Right? Just two—and a half, I guess—girls.” B’Elanna laughed at that. “I’ll warn you, though. The hot tub—it’s not very hot.”

“Why not?” B’Elanna asked. 

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Chakotay discovered that, apparently, if I submerge myself in hot water, it can cause some kind of problem with the baby. He’s programmed nearly everything on the ship to make sure that it doesn’t exceed the recommended temperature.” 

B’Elanna sat up in her chair and, when her masseuse tried to follow her to catch her feet again, she released both of them from their duty to disappear into the program until their presence was requested again. She turned around, changing her position entirely, to sit sideways on her chair and face Kathryn.

“I hope you know that he’s—he’s absolutely out of his mind in love with you and the baby,” B’Elanna said. She laughed to herself. “He’s like I’ve never seen him before. And—I think it’s so wonderful that you just—you just let him be like that and you don’t try to stop him. You just let him—enjoy it.”

Kathryn laughed. She changed her position only slightly, but she kept her reclining position. 

“Just being girls?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.

“That’s what we’re here for,” B’Elanna offered.

“I love him,” Kathryn said. “I love everything about him. Every—sometimes infuriating—little detail. And the way that he is? I love that too. So even if I’d like to be able to choose the temperature of my own bathwater, I recognize that it doesn’t truly hurt me to use the preset temperatures. And I know that everything he does? He does it with love.”

“Are you as happy as he is?” B’Elanna asked.

“I think I am,” Kathryn said. “And—I hope that you and Tom will be that happy, too.”

“Tom has his moments of driving me crazy,” B’Elanna said.

“Believe me,” Kathryn said, “I know about those.”

“Like you said, though, I know that a lot of what he says and does—he does it out of love,” B’Elanna said. 

“I know that I’m not the easiest person to deal with,” Kathryn said. “But Chakotay puts up with me, too.”

“Is that a hint to me?” B’Elanna asked.

“It wasn’t,” Kathryn said. “But if you feel some truth in it...”

B’Elanna sucked in a breath and let it out. 

“I guess that only leaves me to ask the question of whether or not you’ll be able to put down the guard of formality long enough to be in my wedding,” B’Elanna said. “Because—as much as I like Captain Janeway, I’d prefer it if Kathryn were there.” 

There was a catch in Kathryn’s chest. It was the first time that B’Elanna said her name with genuine ease and comfort. It felt nice to hear it come out of the woman’s mouth that way, and Kathryn realized how much she’d come to truly crave easy and relaxed interaction like that. She missed having friends. 

Maybe Tom was right. Maybe there were simply variations to the rules that they had to live by here. And maybe Chakotay was right—there were times when she absolutely had to put down the weight of her captaincy. It wasn’t a cloak that she had to feel pressured to wear at all times. She was, after all, only human and there were precious few life forms onboard Voyager that could really hold such a thing against her. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Kathryn assured her. B’Elanna smiled at her genuinely and leaned forward.

“Great,” B’Elanna said. “Now—unless you’ve got any other plans, I want to test out just how warm we’re allowed to have the water.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” Kathryn said. 

“And—even though I don’t go in for all the—touchy-feely nonsense that some people go in for,” B’Elanna said, “I heard that you’re giving out passes to first-contact scenarios with the first baby so...”

Kathryn smiled at her. She nodded her head.

“I’ll let you know as soon as she starts moving,” Kathryn said. “I’m pretty sure yours is one of the voices that she’s already started to learn.” 

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“Get some sleep,” Tom said. “You don’t want a hangover tomorrow when you’re trying to come up with some words to say that’ll get you in good with your new-again wife.”

Chakotay laughed at Tom’s joke, and Kathryn heard him bid Tom goodnight. She heard him make his way to the bedroom. She heard the sound of his boots hitting the floor as he took them off and tossed them somewhere willy-nilly. She heard him shuffle his way toward the bathroom and, apparently, stub his toe on something. She heard him curse the inanimate object quietly, and then he disappeared into the bathroom. She heard the door close and suddenly there was a little light beaming out from around the door. 

Kathryn lie there and listened to the sound of Chakotay relieving himself. He hummed something—some song or another that had likely gotten stuck in his head—and the water in the sink ran for some time as he washed his hands and face, brushed his teeth, and attended to whatever other needs he might have.

Then the light around the door went out before Kathryn heard the door open and Chakotay shuffled through to the bed. He pulled the cover back, eased into bed, and sighed as soon as he got situated. Kathryn rocked with the movement of the mattress and did her best to pretend that she was asleep.

She felt his hand trailing across the blanket. She felt it as it found her and, almost like some kind of creature that was acting independently of her husband, crawled over her body. It stopped, rested on her stomach for a moment, and then it moved as Chakotay shifted the mattress again with his movement. 

“I love you,” he said. 

Kathryn laughed to herself and let out the breath she’d been holding to keep from laughing before.

“How’d you know I was awake?” She asked.

“You snore when you’re actually asleep,” Chakotay said. “I don’t know—if I ever told you that before.”

“I don’t,” Kathryn said. She knew very well that she did snore, though. He’d pointed it out before and, at least once, she’d actually woken herself up. 

“More since she came along,” Chakotay said. He moved closer to her and, without making him ask, Kathryn changed her position so that he could fit his body against her back. He rearranged himself so that they were perfectly aligned and Kathryn closed her eyes to the feeling of him nuzzling and kissing the back of her neck. 

“You were drinking,” she said. 

“A little,” Chakotay admitted. 

“Because marrying me is so stressful?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself and kissed the back of her neck again. He squeezed her gently by barely tightening his hold on her. 

“Because Tom was determined I needed to relax and that was the best way to do it,” Chakotay said.

“You do need to relax,” Kathryn offered. “Did it help?” 

“Are you sure you’re going to marry me tomorrow?” Chakotay asked. “Because that’s the only thing I’d be worried about tonight, Kathryn.”

Kathryn caught his hand and pulled it up so that she could kiss it before she curled her fingers around it and hugged his arm to her. 

“If you show up,” she teased. “I’ll be there. But—if you don’t show up, you might have a very angry half-Klingon looking for you.” 

Chakotay laughed.

“Did you have a good time?” He asked.

“A very good time,” Kathryn said. “And your daughter performed very well for her aunt B’Elanna. They were able to get very well acquainted.”

“Good,” Chakotay said. “Was her mother able to relax?” 

“I had a very relaxing time,” Kathryn said. “B’Elanna was able to override your safety codes on the holodeck and we soaked in scalding hot water, cavorted shamelessly with holographic cabana boys, and had a competition to see who could take the most tequila shots before they got sick.”

“Did you win?” Chakotay asked.

Kathryn swallowed down her humor. 

“Of course,” she said. “I’m drinking for two now.”

“Then that’s all that matters,” Chakotay said. “And I’m glad our little one is already helping her mother out.”

“I love you,” Kathryn offered. “But you need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is an important day. You put a lot of planning into it.”

Chakotay hummed, practically into her ear, as he attempted to get even closer to her—even though such a feat was impossible. 

“I’m looking forward to marrying you, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “Again.” 

“Me too,” Kathryn assured him. “I can hardly wait.”


	96. Chapter 96

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The mess hall looked better than Chakotay had ever seen it look before. Perhaps, though, he was simply biased because the even that was taking place there was important to him. Kes had been responsible for the decorations, and she’d helped Neelix with the food. They would have ceremony first. It would be followed by dinner and the reception where everyone would be invited to eat and mingle after the cake was cut and few toasts were offered. In this way, they could make the best use of the space, share the celebration with as many crew members as desired to at least stop by and offer their congratulations, and still make sure that everyone got dinner.

The cakes looked amazing and the champagne was being chilled along with several kinds of spirits that Neelix brought of storage from some of their trade missions.

Chakotay had thoroughly thanked Neelix and Kes both for their efforts, he’d thanked everyone that had gathered to listen to the vows, he’d thanked Tom and Harry for being his best men, and he’d thanked Tuvok for officiating the wedding.

He had even thanked Seven, the Borg drone, for coming when he’d accidentally bumped into her while he’d been wandering around looking for people to thank.

Chakotay had gotten ready for the wedding—as per instructions—in Tom’s quarters so that Kathryn could use their quarters to prepare. He’d been so nervous that he’d be late to his own wedding that he’d ended up being dramatically early. In fact, it looked like Kathryn would be late if anyone was going to be late, though Tom reminded him that he didn’t believe a bride could actually be late to her wedding.

The wedding, in this case, would start with the bride. 

They had forgotten music—for which Neelix apologized needlessly a few times—and they had no kind of aisle to speak of. When Kathryn arrived, Chakotay was already standing up front with the rest of the wedding party, and she walked directly toward him with B’Elanna on her arm. Chakotay wasn’t sure the women had planned it that way, but it appeared that B’Elanna was giving Kathryn away as she escorted her to the front of the mess hall where everyone waited.

Kathryn was possibly the only bride that arrived to her own wedding apologizing to her groom for being tardy. Chakotay shushed her as soon as he could reach her. He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him, and Kathryn smiled at him.

She’d come to the wedding just as he’d hoped she would. She’d left behind every stitch of Captain Janeway—right down to her combadge—and she’d come as Kathryn. Her hair was pulled back on the sides, but it cascaded down her back. She had foregone the white dress that he’d given her permission to wear in exchange for a cream colored dress that hugged every precious curve of her body perfectly and contrasted nicely with the black dress that B’Elanna was wearing. 

And her smile was radiant, even though her cheeks were pink and she was clearly a little out of breath. The ladies had not come slowly to the wedding.

“Don’t apologize,” Chakotay told her quietly. “It only matters that you’re here. And you’re worth waiting for.” He smiled when a new flood of color rushed to her cheeks, and he couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward and offered her a gentle kiss which she accepted without question or hesitation. 

And then Tom swatted him and everyone around them broke into laughter over Tom’s declaration of “not before the vows.” 

As soon as the laughter subsided, and still holding his hands in hers, Kathryn addressed the crew members who had gathered to hear the vows in person and those who would be listening over the com system. She thanked them for coming and for listening. She thanked them for their dedication to each other and to Voyager. She reminded them that they were a family and they were all working to get home but, until they reached that home, they would all do their best to build a home on Voyager.

And then it had been Tuvok’s turn to begin. They had asked him to say a few words since they would be saying their own vows and, though they didn’t want to drag the wedding out for hours, they also didn’t want the ceremony to take a matter of moments as it had when they’d exchanged vows on New Earth. 

Chakotay could barely listen to anything that Tuvok said. He spoke about Vulcan beliefs about marriage and about human beliefs. The important parts, to Chakotay at least, were the parts where he mentioned marriage being a strong bond between two people that, in the case of Kathryn and Chakotay, had been entered into out of the purest love that they could possibly hold for one another. 

He spoke about the times that he’d seen that love between them for himself and how he knew that, between them, they felt the strongest connection that they could.

And then he’d asked them to exchange their vows.

Chakotay nodded at Kathryn when she raised her eyebrows at him and she smiled. She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue. 

“The first time we did this,” Kathryn said, “I felt unprepared. I felt like the words that I chose weren’t adequate to convey what I really wanted to say. When I sat down to try to write the perfect vows for this ceremony, I found that the same thing kept happening. Everything that I recorded sounded—it sounded like it was lacking. It was hollow. Empty. I wanted to write you poetry, but everything came across as sounding flat and void of emotion. And then I realized that it was the words that were to blame, Chakotay. Because there aren’t any words in our language—or in any other language that I’m aware of—that can describe the way that I feel about you. They all fall short. So—the closest that I can come is to tell you that I love you with all my heart and then some. And I vow to love you for this life and...whatever may be beyond that.” She smiled at him. “And—I thank you for loving me, too, despite all my shortcomings—with words and everything else. I love you.” 

Chakotay swallowed. Kathryn’s eyes danced back and forth. A soft smile played at her lips and Chakotay thought that he saw dampness just barely puddling in her eyes. The tears that were threatening to fall, and which would most likely fall before the whole thing was done, were happy tears at least.

When Tuvok directed him that he could say his vows, Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Now it’s me who’s entirely unprepared,” he admitted. “I didn’t know what to say, but I wasn’t banking on you having something so—amazing—to say to me. Now I’m speechless to the point that I can barely find my tongue. Or—maybe it’s just you that can make me speechless. Kathryn—I don’t have any vows to offer you but the very basic ones. Still, I hope that you’ll understand that I mean them with all my heart. I promise to love you, now and forever, as I have loved you for nearly as long as I’ve known you. I promise to be the best husband that I can be to you. I promise to be the best father to our children that I can be. To protect you. To honor you and cherish you. I promise to support you and to accept you. All these things I promise to you forever. For life and—for all that comes after.” Chakotay saw a few of the drops escape her eyes and he swallowed against the tightening in his throat. “And I love you, too.” 

“Do you, Kathryn, take Chakotay to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Tuvok asked.

“I do,” Kathryn said. 

“Are you exchanging rings?” Tuvok asked.

“No,” Kathryn said. “We’re keeping our rings. We’ve already exchanged them.”

“Then—do you, Chakotay, take Kathryn to be your lawfully wedded wife?” 

“I do,” Chakotay assured him.

“Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Tuvok said. “You may kiss your bride.” 

“Now,” Tom offered, just as Chakotay moved to touch Kathryn’s face. “Now is when you’re allowed to kiss her.” 

Kathryn laughed, and Chakotay echoed it. He held her face in his hand and she nuzzled her cheek against him before closing her eyes to accept the kiss. She wrapped her arms around him and lifted herself up on her toes to make the request that he deepen the kiss. He considered, for the effect of it, tipping her backward to put on a show for everyone, but he feared that such a move might actually strain her back given that she was carrying a few more pounds of pressure on her lower spine than she ever had before.

She seemed satisfied with the kiss as it was, though, and the crew applauded their finally official marriage. 

“That’s it,” Chakotay said, after the kiss, when it was his turn to address the crew. “That’s all there is to it. We do thank you for being here and for listening if you’re on duty. We’ll be closing down the com line in a moment. There’s cake and champagne and Neelix has prepared a very special dinner in honor of our wedding, so we ask that—that you all come and have something to celebrate with us. Thank you.”

As soon as the com line was closed, Chakotay turned and smirked at Tom who was standing to his side. 

“You’re next,” he said. 

“I would give you a hard time about the wedding night,” Tom said, “but it’s hard to do that when your kid’s already on display.”

“Tom,” Kathryn offered, leaning around Tom. The warning look that she gave him was clearly fake, but he still offered her a teasing “Sorry, ma’am,” in response. 

Slowly, everyone started to disperse to begin dinner. They’d give everyone a little while to start dinner—at least the first shift of it—before they worried about the pomp and circumstance of cutting the cake and making toasts. Some of the wedding party, Chakotay knew, had toasts that they wanted to practice, so they were looking forward to the opportunity to try those out in their heads a few more times over their meals.

Chakotay stood, for a few moments, simply holding Kathryn’s hand and admiring her while they waited for the crowd to thin.

“I was starting to worry that you changed your mind,” Chakotay said. “I thought it was going to be really awkward if you stood me up on a starship this size.”

“I thought about that,” Kathryn said. “It’s the only reason I came.”

She and Chakotay both laughed at her teasing. Her cheeks were still pink, and they must have been warm, because she pulled her hand free from Chakotay’s and dabbed at them with her fingertips before she took his hand again. 

“I had just gotten the dress on,” Kathryn said. “The whole thing. There’s a surprise for you, too, when the reception comes around. But I’d just gotten everything perfectly arranged and—our daughter decided that the most comfortable place in my whole body for her to practice gymnastics was, apparently, right on top of my bladder. So I was already running behind and then B’Elanna had to help me get everything situated again and...oh...I’m sorry.”

Chakotay leaned and kissed Kathryn’s cheek before he found her other hand. He squeezed both of them and pulled her to him. She hummed at him and the soft moan nearly drove him to ask everyone to excuse them right then and there—they had other plans for the evening. 

He wasn’t used to being allowed such free flowing and public affection from Kathryn, but their wedding was a time when everyone would expect it. In fact, it would likely seem inappropriate if they weren’t warm and affectionate with one other. Chakotay intended to make the most of it. 

“Never apologize for something like that,” Chakotay said. “I’m not mad. I meant what I said. You’re worth the wait. You look—beautiful. This dress is...”

“Perfect for a picture?” Kathryn asked. “Because that’s about how long I’ll have it before I recycle it. It’s impractical.”

“It’s beautiful,” Chakotay said. “And sometimes we’re allowed impracticality.” 

Kathryn smiled at him. 

“Then you’re really going to like what I’ve got for you later,” she said.

He felt warm rush hit his cheeks.

“Oh?” He asked. “What is it?” 

“It’s a surprise,” Kathryn said. She winked at him. “We’ve got dinner and reception to get through first.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“In that case,” he said, “I’ll start telling everyone it’s almost time to go.”


	97. Chapter 97

AN: Here we are, another piece to the wedding. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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People would be moving in and out of the mess hall for most of the evening. It would be impossible to coordinate anything that would have everyone present at once. Some of the crew members that were present for the vows ate their food in a rush and planned to return—perhaps even just before the mess hall closed—to snag a piece of cake if any was left. Crew members who had only heard the vows over the com lines came in to enjoy food, congratulate the happy couple, and wait for the reception speeches.

Chakotay and Kathryn spoke to everyone who came by with a message of congratulations. Chakotay was sure, too, that some came simply to speak to the captain when she wasn’t quite so much like their captain. They came for the brief chance at an entirely personal and intimate encounter with their captain. And Kathryn, for her part, graciously humored them. She’d agreed to put her captaincy down for the wedding and reception and she had followed through with that. 

She certainly looked like she felt lighter.

Before the toasts, there would be a few reception “treats” for those gathered to watch. When it seemed suitable to begin the celebrations, Kathryn had reminded all the guests that an Earth custom was to throw a bouquet. Whoever caught the bouquet was, according to superstition, supposed to be the next to marry. In the name of saving some power when they were replicating other things for the wedding, Kathryn hadn’t replicated a bouquet. Instead, she had a small batch of vegetables from the airponics bay—even though they were actually quite pretty—that Kes had bound together for just the occasion. The women gathered around—at least those that were willing to participate—and Kathryn tossed the bouquet backward over her shoulder. Chakotay clapped with the others when B’Elanna caught the bouquet, but he didn’t miss that most of the people gathered around her had actually stepped out of the way when the bouquet was tossed and had made no effort to catch it.

Everyone, he was sure, suspected that Tom and B’Elanna would be the next to marry. Still, when B’Elanna caught the bouquet, Harry didn’t miss the opportunity to rag him about getting trapped into marriage.

Chakotay was surprised when he was called, after that, to join Kathryn, and then she asked Tom to bring her a chair. 

Admittedly, he wasn’t too educated on Earth’s wedding customs, but he immediately remembered the custom in question when Kathryn, after taking a seat in the center of the open area where people had made room, and thanking Tom for bringing her the chair, directed Tom to gather all the men together that wanted to participate. What would take place next was very much like the tossing of the bouquet except that, this time, it would be a garter, and it would be Chakotay who would be responsible for tossing out the garment to the man who would pass it on to his future bride.

Chakotay took a knee in front of Kathryn. He didn’t miss that she was blushing, but she was doing a good job of maintaining her composure, otherwise, for something that he was sure felt at least a little uncomfortable for her. 

The most unnerving part for Chakotay was that Kathryn very directly held his eyes the entire time that he reached for the garter and, taking his time, slid it gently down her leg and over her foot to the hooting excitement of those gathered there—most of them having been stirred up by Tom who seemed to have made it his mission to rile them up as much as possible. 

As a reward for Tom’s effort to stir the room up, Chakotay aimed the garter directly at him before, using its elasticity, he shot it directly at the man. Tom snatched it out of the air and hooted about it before clapping.

That fun over, Chakotay returned to the chair where Kathryn was sitting and, taking her hand, he helped her up and escorted her to where they would cut the wedding cake. The cake was nice. It had clearly been replicated—since Neelix had felt intimidated by the idea of an Earth wedding cake—though he’d hand-prepared the fudge groom’s cake. Neelix provided them with a knife and, for just a moment, they negotiated how to hold the knife together to cut the cake.

“Do not shove this into my face, Chakotay,” Kathryn warned. “I know it’s tradition, but I don’t want icing up my nose.” 

Chakotay laughed to himself. Her voice was low and, with all the noise in the room, it wouldn’t carry. Nobody was listening to them, they were too stirred up to listen. They only wanted to watch.

“We have to do something, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “They’ll be expecting it.”

“I don’t care what we do,” Kathryn said. “I just don’t want cake smashed into my face. Do something else. I’ll follow your lead.”

“Anything? You might regret that, Kathryn,” Chakotay teased.

“I’ll survive,” Kathryn said with a laugh.

Chakotay was sure that he was taking a chance, but he took it anyway. When he offered Kathryn the cake, he was careful not to push hard enough to gag her—especially knowing that his daughter would be more than happy to help her mother embarrass herself—but he did push the cake into her mouth with a touch more force than was necessary, allowing her to catch his finger between her lips as she closed them.

She froze, but rather than show any annoyance, she smirked at him before—playing a long just like she promised—she seductively sucked the icing off his finger. Chakotay had been the one to come up with the idea, but he hadn’t been prepared for the outcome. It was almost more than he could take, and he’d chosen to do it in front of a room full of their crew members. He felt the warmth rush to his cheeks, and he focused on that sensation to ignore where else his body had decided to send a rush of blood. 

The crew members gathered there, though, greatly enjoyed the show and applauded and cheered for the act. Kathryn—red cheeked—smirked at Chakotay and offered him some cake. Though she didn’t offer him a finger to suck clean in the manner that he’d done for her, she did immediately come in for a kiss, catching the stray icing and cake crumbs that she’d left behind on Chakotay’s lips.

And with a final kiss and a smile for everyone, they accepted the rags that Neelix offered them for cleaning their hands, and they asked for everyone’s attention once more.

“We want to thank you for participating,” Chakotay said, “in our wedding, our reception, and in our lives, really. We’ve said it before and we’ll continue to say it. Voyager is so much more than a ship and we’re all so much more than a crew. We’re family. We’re thrilled to be growing our little family here among our greater family. Kathryn—did you have anything else to add?”

“As is customary,” Kathryn offered, “we’re going to allow for toasts from the wedding party and a few others who have asked to speak. We understand if you don’t want to stay for the toasts, but there will be champagne and spirits for everyone. Please—drink responsibly if you still have duty ahead of you.”

“There will be plenty here when you’re off duty,” Chakotay added.

Neelix offered them both drinks to begin, and Kathryn held hers up.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “Mine is juice.”

“No first babies will be intoxicated during the course of the reception,” Tom offered loudly. “And—since I’m already speaking, I’d like to take the opportunity to give the first toast. When I joined Voyager, I thought it was going to be a means to an end. It was a job to do. It was something that I needed to just—finish. Now—it’s like Chakotay said—we’re a family. In a lot of ways, the family that I’ve found here has been more supportive of me than any family that I knew before. Chakotay and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. We’ve certainly had our difficulties. Now we still have our difficulties, but we get to do so on the bridge every day together.” Everyone laughed, and Chakotay laughed with them. “All jokes aside,” Tom continued, “I do get to see the captain and Commander Chakotay working together daily. Even though we have a very strict rule of no love and affection on the bridge, it doesn’t matter. No matter how professional these two may be—and the captain can be exceedingly professional when she wants to be—there’s nothing they can do to hide entirely how much they love one another. Even if they don’t say it, and even if they decide not to show, it’s one of those emotions that everyone can simply feel. It just hangs in the air around them. So I, for one, am thrilled that we finally get this opportunity to see—and such a beautiful sight it is—them having the opportunity to openly display that love. I hope we get to see it a great deal more in the future. And, more than anything, I hope they get to enjoy it a great deal more in the future. May you both have a long and happy life together.”

Tom raised his glass and Chakotay pulled Kathryn against him in a hug in response to the toast. She lifted herself just enough to plant a kiss on his jaw, and Chakotay turned quickly enough to snag a quick kiss from her lips.

She lifted her glass of juice and Chakotay lifted his glass in thanks to Tom for his speech. They both thanked him verbally, but their words got swallowed up in the applause of those who were listening to the toasts. 

Then Tom thrust B’Elanna forward. 

Chakotay immediately felt for her. B’Elanna was one of the strongest and most formidable women that Chakotay knew on many levels, but she didn’t do very well when it came to speaking in front of crowds—especially not if she was speaking about something related to emotions. She could talk about a warp core all day, but a compliment could leave her flustered for hours. 

Still, she was brave enough to stand there, clearly uncomfortable, in the black dress that she’d chosen for the occasion, and address everyone. Even though she spoke to the room, though, Chakotay didn’t miss that she kept her eyes pinned on Kathryn and, seemingly out of some kind of unspoken support, Kathryn smiled at B’Elanna and held her eyes in return.

“It’s no secret that I didn’t choose to serve on Voyager,” B’Elanna said. “At least—not in the traditional sense. I dropped out of Starfleet. I thought I’d never like the way that Starfleet does things, and there are still a lot of things that I disagree with. I thought, too, that I’d never really like people who could willingly choose to be part of the organization. I say all that to say—that I was wrong. Like Tom said, I’ve found some family on Voyager that is—by far—much more supportive of me than the family that I knew before. I have found people on Voyager that have taught me things about myself and about life that I never knew before. I’ve been given the chance to grow in ways that have nothing to do with my status as an engineer—and I’m thankful, every day, for the love and friendship that I’ve found on this ship. I’ve been friends with Chakotay for a long time. And I couldn’t be happier for him that he has found the captain. I see the change it’s made in him—for the better. And, the more I’ve gotten to know her, and the more I’ve come to call her a friend, I realize that I couldn’t be happier for the captain that she’s found Chakotay. He’ll take care of her and, even though I know she doesn’t need to be taken care of, it’s nice to know that he’ll do it anyway. Being on Voyager has taught me that I was wrong about some things when it comes to Starfleet. I can care very deeply for people who willingly choose to be part of Starfleet. I can even learn to respect the Starfleet way. I do still have problems with some of the rules and regulations—especially ones that might suggest that these two people should hide their love for one another to be respectable or professional—but I’m starting to respect the idea that even Starfleet rules can be bent a little when circumstances require it. This kind of love, I think, is a circumstance that should always allow the rules to bend a little. Now that you’ve found each other—may you never let go. And may you never let anyone—not even Starfleet—stop you from sharing your love with each other and...and everyone else. The universe is a little better for it.” 

To pay homage to the sentiment of B’Elanna’s words—words that Chakotay knew weren’t easy for her to say—Chakotay turned and captured Kathryn’s lips in a sincere kiss that drew an renewed round of applause from those who had already started clapping for B’Elanna’s toast. 

When she was done, B’Elanna quickly made her way to where Tom was sitting to take a seat beside him and take advantage of the opportunity to sit and blend into the crowd. 

While they worked out who would speak next, Kathryn helped herself to another piece of cake and, when she caught Chakotay staring at her, she offered him another little piece. He gingerly accepted it from her fingertips and kissed her lips clean of the icing—leaving only a smile behind. 

Their friends, he knew, would all have wonderful and beautiful speeches for them about the love that they shared, but he also knew that, no matter how beautiful their words may be, they’d never come close to actually capturing the feeling that existed between them—at least not in his heart, since his was the only one he could feel, though he believed that Kathryn felt the same.

The way she smiled at him told him she felt the same.

Words simply didn’t have the power to express something that vast.

They both knew it, but they appreciated the sentiments, just the same.


	98. Chapter 98

AN: Here we are, another chapter here to tie up the wedding fun. We have a little “business” to get back to soon.

I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think! 

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Chakotay waited patiently for Kathryn to come out of the bathroom. She’d gone to change as soon as they’d gotten back to the room, and Chakotay had been left alone to entertain himself until she was ready to show him the “surprise” that she had for him—something nice that she’d replicated to wear to bed for his pleasure. While he waited, Chakotay did his best to keep himself busy. He prepared the bucket of ice so that the chilled juice he’d brought with them from the reception would stay cool and they’d be free to drink it throughout the evening. He turned back the blankets on the bed. He ordered the computer to play quiet, romantic music to set the mood. He set the lights just right, changing them bit by bit until they were perfect.

Finally, he started to worry that something he should know about was taking place in the bathroom and he tapped gently at the door. 

“Kathryn? Is there anything I can do for you? Is everything OK?” 

“This doesn’t fit like I was expecting,” Kathryn called back. Chakotay could hear the disappointment in her voice. 

He bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. At this moment, Kathryn wouldn’t appreciate him finding humor in her situation. Her planned honeymoon outfit not fitting like she expected was a very serious problem to her at the moment. It wasn’t a laughing matter.

“Do you want me to replicate you a different size?” Chakotay asked.

“It fits,” Kathryn called back. “It’s just not right. It’s not what I expected. It’s not what I wanted it to be.”

“Do you want me to replicate you something else?” Chakotay asked. “Or—or bring you something from your closet?” 

He could hear the dropping sound in Kathryn’s voice that reflected her dropping mood. He wasn’t sure how to fix things, exactly, but he was certain that he didn’t want anything to make her upset tonight. He wanted her to be happy—just like he was. This was, after all, a day for happiness and not for sadness over something that didn’t matter as much as her hormones might lead her to believe that it did at this moment. 

Chakotay pressed himself against the door, trying to get as close to her as he could without invading what little privacy she had taken for herself by closing the door.

“Kathryn—I’m going to open the door now,” he said. 

“Don’t,” she responded quickly.

That worried him more than anything else. 

“Kathryn—this isn’t worth getting upset over,” he offered. “I’m sure it’s perfect.”

“I just need—a minute,” Kathryn said. “It’s really not right at all, Chakotay.” 

“What did you want?” Chakotay asked, respecting her privacy enough to remain outside the door until she was willing to grant him passage into the bathroom.

Kathryn was quiet for a moment, but she finally spoke.

“I wanted to feel like I could offer you something really special,” Kathryn said. “It’s your wedding night.”

“It’s our wedding night,” Chakotay corrected. “And you’re special to me, Kathryn. Every day with you is something special.” 

She seemed to ignore him behind the door. He could hear her sighs of frustration and the feeling was very nearly palpable even through the door.

“I wanted to wear something that would be really sexy,” Kathryn said. “I wanted to wear something for you that was—really sexy.” 

“I’m sure it’s really sexy,” Chakotay said. 

“It’s not,” Kathryn said mournfully. 

“Why don’t you open this door, Kathryn,” Chakotay said. “Let me judge?”

Kathryn did open the door. The first thing that Chakotay saw, though, wasn’t the lingerie that she was wearing. It was the frown that she was wearing. There were very clear streaks through her makeup where her mascara had run and drawn dark lines down her cheeks. She seemed immediately aware of them because she reached for a cloth and scrubbed at her streaked cheeks.

He shook his head at her and reached his hands out, catching her arms and pulling her toward him so that she crossed over the threshold of the bathroom and stepped out into the room.

“I don’t want to see tears,” he said. He hugged her to him. “There’s absolutely nothing today that’s deserving of tears. At least—not that type.” 

He pushed away enough to kiss the side of her face, and she wrapped her arms tight around him in a hug. He heard her sigh and he smiled to himself. Sometimes it was the simplest of gestures that could relieve the greatest of problems. Chakotay ran his hands up and down Kathryn’s back. The silk garment that she was wearing was so soft that it caught his hands, letting him know that they were slightly chapped even though he hadn’t noticed before.

“Soft,” he said. 

Kathryn laughed quietly. She sighed again. 

“Soft is all good and well,” she said, “but it isn’t exactly the sentiment a wife wants to conjure up in her husband on their wedding night.”

“Kathryn—you were already the most beautiful woman that I know,” Chakotay said. “And the sexiest. Soft—well, you’re not always soft. Sometimes it’s nice to get that side of you.”

Kathryn pushed him back. He could tell by her expression that she hadn’t decided if she liked what he’d said or if she intended to be offended by it. She narrowed her eyes at him, but then she smiled. The smile cracked and she laughed and shook her head. 

“You’re sweet to me,” she said. “But—this was not what I had planned for you. When I ordered this from the replicator, I thought it was going to be so sexy that—I don’t even know. Maybe you weren’t going to be able to control yourself. I don’t know what I expected. I only know that I didn’t expect this.” 

Chakotay held her at arm’s length and looked her up and down. The piece of lingerie that she’d replicated was a black silk baby doll. It hugged her without seeming to be too overly tight. The panties she wore matched the nightie and she was barefooted. Her hair, much as it had been at the wedding, was mostly down with only enough tied back to keep it from falling in her face.

“If I say what I want to say right now, you won’t believe me,” Chakotay said. “And it’s a shame, Kathryn, because it’s the truth.” 

She tilted her head to the side. Her smile softened. She found some genuine humor in what he said and, perhaps, she found something else there as well.

“I’d like very much to hear what you have to say, Chakotay.”

“You have to promise me that you’ll believe me,” he pressed. “I’m not going to say it if I’m only wasting my breath.” 

“You have my word,” she assured him.

He smiled at her. 

“I don’t know what you expected,” Chakotay said. “Or even what you wanted, but I do know that you’re the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen—and I’ve seen a lot of beautiful women. I don’t know what’s supposed to be wrong with what you’re wearing but...I can’t find anything. You wanted me to find you sexy? Kathryn—I’ve hardly been able to control myself all day. I’ve just been trying to stay in positions where I wouldn’t be noticed so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. I’m not trying to hide anything now.”

He moved to press himself against her enough to that she would realize, whether she wanted to deny it or not, that he clearly found her sexy. He’d been struggling with parts of his anatomy all day and, eventually, he hoped to relieve the building feeling of frustration in his body.

The only obstacle, it seemed, that was standing in his way was the need to convince the woman that was driving him crazy that she was, in fact, driving him crazy. 

“This isn’t sexy,” Kathryn said. “I don’t even have a waist.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“Only because our daughter is hiding it just a little,” Chakotay said. “And that? Knowing you’re carrying our child, is one of the sexiest things that I can think of.”

“Then you have an unusual definition of sexy,” Kathryn offered.

“Or you do,” Chakotay responded. “Are you interested in what I find sexy, or are you interested in what you find sexy?”

“I’m interested in you being honest with me,” Kathryn said.

“When it’s within my power, I promise you that I’ll never be anything less than honest with you. The only reason I even bother controlling myself is because it’s the proper thing to do, Kathryn, but if you want me to let go entirely...I can show you in more ways than one that I find you irresistibly sexy.” 

“You deserve—everything,” Kathryn said. “You deserve a wife who—who makes you feel wonderful. All the time. A wife who makes you feel as good as you are, Chakotay.” 

“It’s a good thing that I married the best, then.” 

“Even your drone was sexier than I am,” Kathryn said. “And you can say what you want, but you know what I’m saying is true.” 

Chakotay’s stomach clenched and his throat followed suit. 

“Can I be forgiven for the drone for once and for all?” Chakotay asked. “As a wedding present? Could we just—leave her on the planet where she’s forgotten all about me now that she has what she wanted from me in the first place?”

Kathryn’s cheeks ran pink.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I won’t mention it again.” 

She seemed thoroughly scolded and that wasn’t entirely Chakotay’s intention. He only wanted to soothe over whatever she was feeling. He hadn’t meant to really scold her. Chakotay caught her chin and tipped it up. He kissed her and, when she started to break the kiss, he nipped at her lips and returned to kiss her again. The second kiss caught her attention because she came toward him, pushed herself up on her toes, and demanded more from him. 

The hunger took over the ill-founded concern and the hurt feelings from the scolding. Kathryn greedily sought more from Chakotay. She took his breath from him and, in seeking out even more, she scratched at his back and moaned with satisfaction. 

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she breathed out, breaking the kiss.

Chakotay was wearing the dress shirt and pants that he’d had on at the wedding. He’d come out of his socks and shoes, and he’d shed his jacket, but he’d felt awkward undressing in the room alone. He had nothing to put on to impress Kathryn and he wasn’t sure exactly how much he should take off. He laughed to himself at her comment. 

“You’re not the only one with insecurities,” Chakotay said. “I didn’t know what I should take off and what I should wear. I didn’t know what you’d want me to do. I wanted this evening to be perfect for you, and I didn’t want me undressing too soon to ruin anything.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“Well aren’t we a pair?” She asked.

“A perfect pair,” Chakotay said. 

“Why don’t I just—help you decide what you should be wearing?” Kathryn asked. She reached up and started working her way down his shirt, unbuttoning the buttons. He couldn’t help but smile at her and she smiled back at him. She planted a kiss on his chest for every button that she undid, and when his shirt was fully open, she peppered his chest with soft kisses before she slipped her hands into the waistband of his pants. “May I?” She asked.

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“By all means,” he offered.

Kathryn unbuttoned his pants and unzipped them. He slipped the shirt off that he was wearing, finishing the job for her, and tossed it in the direction of furniture that it missed entirely. He didn’t care, though, if they spent half the next morning collecting up discarded wedding-wear. 

He couldn’t care about much, because his wife wrapped her hand around him and stroked him to rob him entirely of any ability he might have had to think at all. 

“You must have at least seen something you liked,” Kathryn offered, stroking him again. 

Chakotay didn’t try to swallow back the groan that his body offered him naturally in response to her touch.

“All day,” he said. “You’ve been killing me.”

Kathryn kissed him, and he returned it. He ran his hands down her body and hissed at her when she stroked him again. She laughed low in her throat.

“Let’s go to the bed,” she said. “And I’ll take care of you. All for you.” 

Chakotay stepped out of his pants and underwear, finishing the job that Kathryn had started. He pulled her to him and, dropping his hands, he caught her ass and squeezed it to lift her up on her toes.

“This is sexy—whether you believe me or not—but the sexiest thing I could see right now is you not wearing it,” Chakotay said.

Kathryn laughed quietly.

“That can be arranged. Let me take care of you.” 

“As much as I appreciate the offer,” Chakotay said, still holding her against him instead of making any moves to walk them toward the bed, “I had other ideas about how this night would go. And they involved me making love to you.” 

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at him.

“It’s a long night,” she said. “And we don’t have an early shift tomorrow barring an emergency. I’d say we have time to squeeze in a few things before bed.” She smiled at him when he didn’t immediately respond and slipped her hand into his. “Come on,” she urged. “You take care of me. I want to take care of you. Then we’ll see where the rest of the night goes.”

Chakotay’s body had been begging him for mercy all day. It had been seeking some relief in the sweet comfort of Kathryn’s company. Now that his release was within reach, he wasn’t going to fight anymore. They had all night, after all, and he really hated to deny Kathryn anything she wanted—especially on their wedding night.


	99. Chapter 99

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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As soon as the door chimed, Kathryn called Chakotay into her ready room.

“It’s decaf,” she assured him the moment that his eyes flicked to the coffee cup in her hands. He smiled at her.

“And the sandwich?” He asked, raising his eyebrows at her.

Kathryn swallowed back her amusement. She liked to tease Chakotay that he had some strange fetishes. Very little in life seemed to make him as happy as watching her eat these days.

“Peanut butter and jelly,” Kathryn said. “I know it’s too early for lunch.” 

“But snacks throughout the day are encouraged,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn hummed.

“I asked Neelix to come and talk to me. He misunderstood and thought that, as long as he was coming, he should bring a sandwich. I thought that as long as it’s here...”

“I might have told him that it was an encouraged practice to always come bearing a snack. Did he have any answers for you?” Chakotay asked. Kathryn sighed and shook her head before taking another bite of her sandwich. If it were anyone except Chakotay, she would have waited to eat. She knew, though, that her husband wasn’t offended to see her working her way through a mid-morning sandwich.

“Nothing,” Kathryn said. “And—Seven didn’t know anything either. Unless, of course, she’s still simply unwilling to cooperate and is choosing not to tell me what she does know.”

“You want to visit the system,” Chakotay said. It was neither entirely a question nor a statement. 

“Sensors are indicating life on two of the three planets that we can detect. We’re picking up satellites in their orbit, and we’ve detected warp signatures. There’s nothing that really looks like a warning to keep away. We could use some supplies and we are, after all, explorers. We’ve had some time to keep our tails tucked between our legs since we encountered the Borg, but we can’t keep running forever. Besides—we don’t want to miss a great deal of what the Delta Quadrant has to offer because we had a bad encounter.” Chakotay looked only slightly liked he’d been kicked in the gut. Kathryn sighed and washed down some of her sandwich with a swallow of her coffee. “You don’t want to.”

“It isn’t that,” Chakotay said. “The crew believes you’re invincible, Kathryn. I know better. I only wish it were true. I guess—I’m still just a little nervous. We know from experience that most species are at least a little problematic.”

“Including those we have on the ship,” Kathryn said with a smile. “Just this morning, I had a half-Klingon that was ready to go a few rounds with a Vulcan because they didn’t see eye to eye on a maintenance schedule. It’s a scary place in here, too.”

Chakotay frowned at her.

“We know how to deal with B’Elanna and, besides...no matter how upset she got over anything, I don’t think she’d ever do anything to put you or the baby in jeopardy. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’d take a bat’leth to the throat of anyone who thought of threatening either one of you.” 

Kathryn laughed to herself. She sat back in her chair and sipped her coffee. She brushed her hand over her belly. 

“We’ll hail them when we’re in range and we’ll go from there.” 

Chakotay nodded his head.

“Aye, Captain,” he said. 

“She’s wide awake,” Kathryn said with a soft smile, acknowledging that business was out of the way for a moment. “And she is—she’s really moving. I told you. She knows your voice. She started with the first words out of your mouth.”

Chakotay smiled and quickly came around Kathryn’s desk. She turned her chair with her foot enough to make it easy for him to reach her. He rested his hand, palm down, over the swell of her stomach and smiled to himself at the movements that he could detect.

“It’s not just me. She approves of snacks,” Chakotay said. 

“Her Uncle Neelix had a hunch she might,” Kathryn said. “Of course, I know now that her Daddy helped with that, as well. Maybe she also approves of some exploration. A first contact situation...”

Chakotay’s smile fell. He didn’t move his hand, though, for a moment. He waited until it seemed that the baby had stopped doing whatever it was she’d been driven to do before.

“You’ve got four months,” Chakotay said. “That’s it. Then she’ll be here.”

“And then we’ll have a whole new situation,” Kathryn said. “Because I’ll be the captain and the mother of a newborn.”

Chakotay laughed to himself and nodded his head.

“From here on out, it’ll never change,” Chakotay said. “You’ll want to go. Explore. Be everything wonderful and adventurous that makes you—you. And I’ll want desperately to keep you locked up and safe because...well...just because I love you.”

Kathryn reached for his hand, and pulling it to her, she planted a kiss on his knuckles.

“And soon you’ll have the added problem of wanting to keep her safe, too, when she’s a free and independent entity.”

“I already feel myself getting older,” Chakotay said with a laugh. 

“Maybe she won’t be very much like me,” Kathryn offered.

“Oh—I hope she is,” Chakotay said. “I hope—they all are. However many we end up having. The world deserves as much of you as possible.”

Kathryn smiled at him.

“It will only mean you’re tugged in more directions,” Kathryn said.

Chakotay nodded.

“At least our family’s big enough for me to recruit help,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed quietly.

“I hope every one of them is just like you,” Kathryn said. “All—five?” 

She smiled at Chakotay, testing the waters to see how he might react or respond. He smiled to himself.

“If you want five, then you’ll have five,” Chakotay said. “At least if I have anything to do with it. But I’d still rather they were all like you.” 

“We’ll have to agree to disagree,” Kathryn said. “Either way, I doubt we’ll get much rest.”

“We both bring our own challenges to the table,” Chakotay said. “But we’ll survive that.”

“And maybe they’ll be a wonderful mix of us both,” Kathryn offered.

Chakotay hummed.

“Right now my primary concern is this new system of planets and the species that we’ll be sure to encounter there.”

“We’ll hail them and we’ll assess the situation when we have a bit more information,” Kathryn said. 

Chakotay nodded, straightened himself up, and walked around Kathryn’s desk. Without saying anything more, he headed for the door to return to work. 

“Aye, Captain,” he offered when he reached the door and turned back to face her before opening it. “I’ll inform the crew.”

“One more thing, Commander,” Kathryn said. Chakotay hummed in question. “I love you, too, and I promise that we’ll be careful.” 

Chakotay smiled at her and nodded to acknowledge that he’d heard her before he left the room.

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“I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager.” 

Chakotay smiled to himself. They were, oddly enough, some of his favorite words to hear. It was possible that, even though he’d been pretty pissed off about the circumstances, the first time he’d heard those words had been the moment in which he’d begun to fall hopelessly in love with the woman that was standing close to him on the bridge.

The universal translator took a moment to adjust to the speech pattern of the species that they’d encountered and, because of that, Kathryn had to apologize and introduce herself again as she begged the same from the creature. Finally the translator seemed to adjust.

The satellites that had been set up around the first planet that they were set on exploring had actually been sending out a message. The message was a standard greeting in several languages that quickly made it clear that the planet must do a great deal of trading. It welcomed guests for rest, recreation, and shopping. 

The species now on screen was very reptilian in appearance. The pitch of the voice was the only indication that Chakotay had that the individual with which Kathryn was now speaking was actually a female of her species.

She identified the planet with a word that the Universal Translator couldn’t entirely translate. It came through as something along the lines of Slagnaugh. When Kathryn tried to repeat it back, the speaker had been amused and said that Slignaturva was the native language of their species—the Slignates—and that it was a tongue that was difficult for many who weren’t raised speaking it. She went on to say that Kathryn, for the most part, had done a beautiful job of pronouncing the word that her tongue wasn’t at all prepared to say.

As they spoke, the translator popped in and out. Some of the hissing sounds of the original language came through as the translator struggled to learn what it needed to learn and to adjust. Luckily, the individual understood the struggle and was patient with the technology.

When the translator had finally seemed to learn enough to reliably allow them to speak, Kathryn asked a few questions of the reptilian-featured female that prompted her to introduce herself and her planet and species in some detail.

“I am Savit Silvatsa,” she offered. “I am the Savit for the Slignates.”

“I’m sorry,” Kathryn said. “Our translator doesn’t have a word for that. Savit?” 

“Guide? Leader? I am—the high queen,” she offered in response. She was clearly running through what she considered a short list of synonyms to find something that their translator could understand.

“I’m honored to be speaking with you directly,” Kathryn offered.

“As am I to speak with you,” she responded.

“Should I address you as Savit?” Kathryn asked.

“Silvatsa,” Silvatsa offered. “There is no need for the formality.”

“You may call me Kathryn,” Kathryn offered. It wasn’t an offer that she made often or lightly, but Chakotay assumed that she would reason that it may be considered rude to address their queen by her first name while refusing her the same gesture of friendship.

Silvatsa looked pleased. Chakotay could see the emotion in her eyes even if very little about the rest of her face gave away any emotion.

“Slagnaugh has been a busy trade planet for a very long time,” Silvatsa offered. “We have very good soil and a great deal of fertile land. We produce a great quantity of agricultural goods that are native to our planet. We also grow a wide variety of goods that are native to other planets. We regularly accept seed in trade for goods. In addition, we have a thriving economy of artisans that sell to visitors to the planet. There are mining areas in our western lands, and we find both science and technology to be very important. Our hospitality economy is thriving as well. We have a great deal to offer visitors so that they’ll enjoy their stay on the planet.”

“It sounds like Slagnaugh is a very nice planet,” Kathryn said. “We’d like the opportunity to discuss some trades. We have a few things in particular that we’re looking for...”

“We will do our best to accommodate your needs. For the time being, we invite you to be our guests. We have an air field where you may land your ship. We invite your crew.”

“I have a crew compliment of 141,” Kathryn said.

“And we have accommodations for a great many more,” Silvatsa said with something that sounded like amusement. “We invite you to be our guests.”

“We are several hours from being prepared to land on your planet,” Kathryn responded.

“I have things to which I must attend,” Silvatsa responded. “Then I will be able to make arrangements to meet you myself with others. I will have our hospitality office send your ship the coordinates of our landing field.”

Chakotay could see that Silvatsa wasn’t going to give Kathryn too much opportunity to turn down the offer, but he could also see that Kathryn wasn’t really attempting to turn it down. There was, honestly, no reason to reject the offer. There were no warning signs, there seemed to be nothing threatening about Silvatsa, and the scans of the planet all came back normal and in agreement with the report that Silvatsa had given of her own planet.

Kathryn smiled and nodded.

“It will take a little time to prepare the ship for landing,” Kathryn said. “My crew hasn’t had shore leave in a very long time. It will take time, as well, to prepare them and to make schedules. I know you insist that you have enough space and goods to accommodate everyone, but I’m sure that your people would appreciate some time for preparation. Have your hospitality office send us the coordinates. If we arrive in twelve hours, what time of the day will we be arriving? We don’t want to interrupt anyone’s sleep.”

“Plan to arrive in fifteen hours,” Silvatsa responded, the smile from earlier still evident around her eyes. “You will arrive in the morning, but it won’t be too early. All of Slagnaugh will be awake and at work at that hour. We’ll all be very happy to see you. I will greet you myself with others who will show your crew around. Will they all have translators?” 

Kathryn nodded. 

“Everyone will be equipped,” Kathryn said. “And we’ll update all the translators to the adjusted language parameters that our conversation has entered into the main computer. They may not understand every word of your language, and your people may not understand every word that they say, but they’ll be able to communicate.”

“Very good,” Silvatsa responded. “I’m sure we’ll be able to figure out everything we need to figure out. You are not the first species that did not speak Slignaturva.”

“Is there anything we need to know?” Kathryn asked. “Anything that—we need to avoid doing or saying? The last thing we want to do, as guests, is to offend or insult our hosts.”

The sound that escaped Silvatsa was a hissing sound that went in keeping with the rest of her language, but it was easy to identify it as laughter.

“We have built much of our economy on our hospitality,” Silvatsa said. “We have learned to be accepting of the species that come here and the cultures that they bring with them. We have learned not to be offended by things that are clearly not meant to bring offense. The only way you will offend me, Kathryn, is if you refuse to at least visit our planet and allow me to show you and your people all that Slagnaugh has to offer. I look forward to learning about your culture just as you look forward to learning about mine.” 

Kathryn smiled warmly at the reptilian face that filled the view screen in front of her. 

“We wouldn’t dream of offending you,” Kathryn said. “We’ll set course as soon as we receive the coordinates. I look forward to meeting you, in person, in fifteen hours.”


	100. Chapter 100

AN: Here we are, another chapter. (It’s actually 100.)

I hope that you enjoy! Let me know what you think! 

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The majority of the crew had been so excited about the prospect of an actual shore leave that one of the most daunting tasks to accomplish had been to figure out a schedule that would keep Voyager attended at all times while also allowing everyone the opportunity to partake of a little freedom away from their duty posts.

Chakotay took the final version of the duty roster to sickbay with him when he went to check on Kathryn.

“How is she?” Chakotay asked, walking through the sickbay doors. 

Kathryn sat on the biobed while the doctor scanned her. She smiled warmly enough at him when he came into the room that his heart actually felt like it skipped a beat and his chest flooded with warmth.

The check-up was little more than a precaution before Kathryn disembarked and went to wander among a species that was well and truly alien to them. 

“By ‘she,’ Commander, should I assume that you’re asking about the Captain? Or—the tiny Captain, as you sometimes call her?”

Chakotay reached Kathryn and offered her a kiss which she accepted. The sincere smile returned immediately to her face and Chakotay touched her cheek.

“I was asking about the Captain,” he said, “but I suppose I mean both of them.”

Kes walked up and pressed a hypospray to Kathryn’s neck without saying anything. Kathryn didn’t flinch, and she didn’t move her eyes away from Chakotay.

“What’s that?” Chakotay asked quickly.

“The planet is an M-Class planet,” Kathryn said. “But there are signs of a metallic compound in the atmosphere.”

“It bears a striking resemblance to some of the compounds found on the planet where Seska and the Kazon left the crew,” Kes said. “We believe that the crew won’t experience any harmful effects from the atmosphere, but we thought it would be best to inoculate the Captain and Naomi Wildman, just in case they were to have a reaction.”

“Now we’re waiting to see if there will be any sort of reaction to the inoculation,” the doctor said. “Naomi Wildman adjusted to it well, but she’s aged a great deal since the planet and her metabolism has changed. We’ve asked the Captain to stay here a few moments, just to make sure that there’s nothing we need to handle. Of course, Kes will be with you on the planet.”

“And we can easily return to Voyager if such a need should arise,” Kathryn offered. “Doctor—may we hear it again? Now that Chakotay’s here?” 

“Certainly, Captain,” the doctor assured her. 

“The Captain likes listening to the baby’s heartbeat,” Kes offered.

It took only a matter of seconds before the doctor had changed instruments and the sound of the heartbeat issued forth from one of his speakers. Kathryn’s smile over the sound was more heartwarming to Chakotay than even the sound. 

“Have you ever heard anything so beautiful?” She asked, practically breathing out the words to Chakotay. She touched his face with her fingers. Her smile and the dampness at her eyes told him that she was overwhelmed by the simple sound.

Chakotay smiled to himself and swallowed. He nodded his head and caught her hand. She allowed him to kiss her fingers before he simply settled for squeezing her hand in his. 

“I’ve heard a lot of beautiful sounds,” he said. “If I’m being honest. But—it’s certainly among the top two or three.”

Kathryn somewhat frowned at his response, but he erased it with another quick kiss even as the doctor stopped the sound and scanned Kathryn again.

“You seem to be metabolizing the medicine well, Captain,” the doctor said. “And your little one isn’t responding negatively. I don’t foresee there being any problems on the planet’s surface, but you can always return to the ship if there’s a problem.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Chakotay offered. The words came out almost in unison with Kathryn’s offer of the exact same words. Chakotay laughed to himself. “Kes—you’re part of the first group leaving the ship. You might want to prepare. Kathryn—I mean—Captain?” 

Kathryn didn’t need his assistance getting off the biobed, but she accepted it just the same. As they left sickbay, Chakotay offered her the PADD he was carrying with the duty rosters. In the corridor, he steered her by her shoulders while she read and walked so that she wouldn’t run the risk of bumping into anything or even tripping over her own feet.

“This group,” Kathryn said. “Harry’s group. It looks like they’re getting the short end of the proverbial stick. I’ll stay an extra shift here to give them more time. We’ll rearrange that.”

“I thought you were anxious to get down there and explore?”

“I’m going to explore,” Kathryn said. “And I spoke with Silvatsa. She’s already got people who are going to share some information on their energy sources with B’Elanna, some of their foods with Neelix, and some of their weapons information with Tuvok. There will be enough new supplies on board to keep me busy on the ship for days.”

“And what does she want in return for all this?” Chakotay asked.

“I sent her our inventory of items to offer,” Kathryn said. “She’s asked for a few things. They’re interested in seeds from airponics. They’re also particularly interested in discussing how our replicators differ from a similar energy conversion system that they have in place. She’s a scientist, as well. She studies the species that come to the planet. She wants the opportunity to ask questions and record information for our species to include in their catalogues. I wasn’t sure, before, if I was going to be able to go down to surface—not once we discovered the compound—but now that I know I’m going, I’m going to offer to talk to her. I’ll tell her about the baby. I would enjoy learning about their species, so we can exchange information.”

“No medical procedures,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed to herself. 

“I would offer a few samples or something,” Kathryn said. “If they’d like. It can’t hurt—at least, not too much.” 

Chakotay only had to narrow his eyes at her. She laughed, but she nodded.

“Fine,” she said, “I’ll take a strictly hands-off approach if that’s what you want. We’ll exchange nothing more than information. Then I can return to the ship and have a little time in the lab with some of the things she’s willing to offer B’Elanna and her team. Provided everything is safe to bring onboard, of course.”

“We don’t need another Pon Farr incident,” Chakotay said. 

Kathryn laughed. 

“Everything will be screened,” she assured him, even though he already knew. “Make the changes I asked you to make.” She offered him the PADD back. “Please,” she added with a smile.

“I’ll make the changes,” Chakotay said. “And I’m putting myself with you. Tuvok will be better equipped to lead the team talking about weapons and, as first officer, I’m better equipped to make sure that the Captain remains safe when entering into a first contact scenario.”

“I think you’re right,” Kathryn said, surprising Chakotay by automatically agreeing with him instead of trying to put up some kind of fight. She raised her eyebrows at his expression which must have shown his surprise. “I feel safe with you,” she offered. “And—I’d rather have you here when I’m doing night shifts alone on the ship.” 

She smiled and winked at him before picking up her pace and leaving him behind on her way to the turbolift. 

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Once everything had been squared away and the ship was landed, the orders had been passed out for everyone to acquire the items that they were set to acquire. Each of the assignments had been given out to those who were best suited for the job at hand. 

The rest of their time, when they weren’t on duty, would be theirs to do with as they pleased.

Kathryn trusted her crew, so she didn’t feel the need to watch over their shoulders. They knew that they were expected to fulfill their duties first and then to seek pleasure later. She would see to it, as she promised them, that they would have ample time for both.

The Slignates were bipedal, but it was immediately clear that they could choose to also move about as quadrupeds. They moved in the fashion that most suited them at any given time. When they first emerged from the ship, Kathryn observed Slignates that were resting on all fours as naturally as those who were standing on two. 

Kathryn imagined that their abilities were part of their evolutionary process. As quadrupeds, they were faster and more stable. As a bipedal species, they had freedom to use their front hands—truly more claws than human hands—for grasping, holding, and manipulating objects. Their ambidexterity was only proof that, as a species, they’d never given up one ability entirely in favor of the other. 

The Slignates wore robe-like clothing and came bearing masses of the colorful robes on a wagon. They proceeded to hand them out as welcoming gifts to the crew as they disembarked.

The Slignates all looked very much alike to Kathryn except that some of them, she noticed had something like a crest on their heads while others didn’t. She was worried that she might not be able to tell them apart and, worse than anything, that she might not be able to identify Silvatsa in the group that came to greet them, but her worries were quickly put to rest. 

Silvatsa stepped out from the crowd with attendants practically at either elbow. She stepped quickly toward Kathryn and extended one of her claws in Kathryn’s direction. Unsure of how she was expected to greet Silvatsa, Kathryn remained still and the reptilian female grasped her shoulder and pulled her to her in something resembling a loose hug. Kathryn patted Silvatsa’s back to accept the hug and ignored the stinging bite of the claws that were, without a doubt, piercing her skin.

The skin of the Slignates appeared to be at least somewhat scaly, and Kathryn doubted that Silvatsa realized how sharp and damaging her talons might be to human skin. She held her breath, forced a smile, and felt relieved when Silvatsa released her.

“We’re so happy to have you here. Slagnaugh welcomes you. We have arranged for you to stay in some of our finest accommodations.” 

“We don’t want to put anyone out,” Kathryn said. “We’re really fine on the ship.”

“Nonsense,” Silvatsa responded. “For you to truly experience Slagnaugh, you must see what we have to offer. It’s nothing more than we would offer any guest who came here to trade. In fact, while you’re here, you’re likely to meet several other trade parties. We have two that are staying with us now, and there’s a freighter ship slated to arrive tomorrow to trade vegetables from a system just on the other side of the...near our planet.”

Kathryn frowned at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Our translator had problems identifying the word you used. What is near your planet?”

Silvatsa hissed out the word. Patiently, she repeated it several more times while the translator made adjustments. Kathryn’s heart skipped a beat, though, when it offered her the closest translation that it could find.

Wormhole.

“Where does this—wormhole lead?” Kathryn asked, hoping that the translator returned the word back to Silvatsa the way that it had come to her.

“Another system,” Silvatsa responded. “One of our trade organizers would have a clearer response. They deal with the traffic that passes back and forth between our system and theirs.”

Kathryn smiled to herself.

“If it isn’t a problem, I’d love for one of my crewmates to have a talk with one of your trade organizers about that wormhole,” Kathryn said.

“No problem,” Silvatsa said. “But—now isn’t the time for talking about the wormhole. First we would like to see everyone to your accommodations and allow you the opportunity to change. We think that you’ll appreciate the robes. They are customary here on Slagnaugh. Some of my assistants will be there to help you and your crew find what you’re looking for when you’re settled. Tonight, I hope you will personally join me at my home for a meal.”

Kathryn recognized that a planet built on hospitality would have a certain need for that hospitality to be at the forefront. It was clear that Slagnaugh was a trade planet—and the great masses of creatures that seemingly hustled in every direction was evidence of that, as was the great deal of traffic buzzing overhead—but it was also a hospitality based planet. Silvatsa had said that their people couldn’t be offended, and maybe it was part of their hospitality not to be offended, but they did expect to at least be allowed to treat their guests as guests first and business partners second.

Everything, Kathryn immediately understood, would run in her favor and according to her liking—but first she must accept their kindness. 

She affectionately wrapped her hand around the rough-skinned arm of the Savit to keep step with her. 

“I would be honored to be your dinner guest,” Kathryn said. “Provided that I might bring my husband.”

“I believe your translator is malfunctioning again,” Silvatsa said. “It fails to translate. However, you are welcome to bring whatever makes you feel comfortable. Come—we’ll show you to your accommodations.”


	101. Chapter 101

AN: Here we are, another chapter here.

I hope that you enjoy! Please let me know what you think! 

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Shortly after they began exchanging information about their species, Kathryn shared with Silvatsa the fact that she was expecting a little one. Immediately upon hearing the news, Silvatsa had promised her anything that she wanted to make laying her egg more comfortable—including the use of an incubator in one of their hatcheries in case nobody wanted to sit with the egg for the time being. 

Kathryn learned, from the exchange, that the Slignates laid eggs. This was also the way in which Silvatsa learned that humans gave live birth, and that Kathryn would still be carrying her little one for a time beyond when they left the planet. The idea of mammals who gave live birth was a concept that fascinated Silvatsa, though she admitted that she’d encountered several species who procreated in that way. She was practically thrilled with the opportunity to ask Kathryn as many questions as she could think of to ask. 

The discussion of procreation opened the door for Kathryn to advance her knowledge of the Slignates and their practices as well. She was shown around by Silvatsa who explained that they had large hatcheries where their eggs were hatched. The females of the species laid the eggs, but it was the job of the males to hatch them. There were also incubators available for the times when they had more eggs than available sitting males.

Kathryn had been unable to learn all she wanted from Silvatsa when the Savit was called away to take care of something official. Silvatsa had promised her that they would continue chatting when they had the opportunity, and she’d sent one of her assistants with Kathryn and Chakotay to take them to the main marketplace so that they could look around and interact with some of their crewmembers while they took in all that Slagnaugh had to offer.

They’d spent most of their day sampling food and looking at items of all kinds. When it was nearly time to meet Silvatsa at her home, her assistant had taken them back to the room that had been supplied for them, and she’d left them to freshen up and change into the fancier robes that Silvatsa had sent for them to wear to dinner.

Kathryn had already teased Chakotay that she wanted at least ten of the robe-like garments to take back to the ship with her since they felt comfortable and forgiving, but they also made her feel especially feminine and elegant—something she might not have expected in a garment offered to her by a reptilian species.

Silvatsa welcomed them warmly into her home—a place where Kathryn immediately felt at ease—and she offered them beverages as soon as they entered the door. Once Chakotay had insured that she was offering them nothing fermented, he’d settled down to enjoy the conversation and the food that was served to them in a number of small courses.

“He is your...?” Silvatsa asked, gesturing toward Chakotay with one long talon—since Kathryn wasn’t sure what else to call the claws that the Slignates sported.

“Husband,” Kathryn repeated. She’d tried to explain the concept earlier, but they’d been cut off by the business to which Silvatsa was expected to attend. “He’s—my mate. The father of my child. The man that I’ve—I’ve chosen to spend my life with.”

“We’re bonded,” Chakotay offered. “For life.”

The more that Kathryn spoke to Silvatsa, the more that she realized that the Slignates were not nearly as expressionless as she might have thought at first. She clearly saw something akin to amusement draw up the corners of Silvatsa’s mouth. 

“A mate for life,” she mused. “And he accompanies you to meals.”

“He accompanies me everywhere,” Kathryn said. “Chakotay is my first officer. He’s my husband. I’m his superior officer in our work, but he’s my equal in our private lives.”

Chakotay laughed to himself.

“I don’t know that I could say I’m quite your equal anywhere,” Chakotay said.

“He’s joking,” Kathryn offered quickly. “Being modest. The Slignates don’t mate for life, I take it?”

“We mate for—procreation,” Silvatsa said. 

“Procreation is a hoped for side-effect of mating for us,” Chakotay said. “At least sometimes.”

“We choose our mates for the betterment of the species,” Silvatsa offered. “A desirable male may mate with as many females as require fertilization. We breed for—advancement?”

“Of the species?” Kathryn offered, hoping to help with language barrier that the translator sometimes made more evident than other times. Silvatsa nodded. 

“All males contribute to society by hatching the eggs and caring for the hatchlings,” Silvatsa said. “The females are too busy with...management.”

“This is a matriarchal society,” Kathryn offered. At Silvatsa’s confused request, she searched for something that might explain what she wished to say. “Women are...in the most leadership roles.”

Silvatsa looked pleased by the translation offered to her and she nodded.

“Males are not fit for leadership,” Silvatsa said. 

“Humans view things a bit differently,” Kathryn said. “In fact, there have been times in our history where they would have found it ridiculous to think that women could lead at all. At any rate, we now view both men and women as important contributors to our society.”

“Males contribute what they can,” Silvatsa said. “They care for the young. When you give birth, the child will be...turned to the village?” 

Kathryn chewed over the translation, requested some clarification, and finally shook her head.

“We do believe it takes a village to raise a child, and our daughter will belong to Voyager in many ways, but we are her parents. We’ll be her parents. We’ll raise her and care for her. The Slignates don’t care for their own young?” 

Silvatsa shook her head. 

“The young grow up as the young of all,” Silvatsa said. “My young are no more important than any others. We each offer what we can in caring for the young. In this way, we avoid unnecessary attachments that may rob our young of opportunities. We also avoid—restrictions. Problems?” She tried to clarify when Kathryn allowed her confusion to show on her face. “The attachments can sometimes cause problems. Favoritism. Poor choices in time of war. When all Slignates are equal by birth, they are allowed to advance according to what they offer the community. Unnecessary attachments are—problematic and uncomfortable.”

“We value the attachments to our young,” Chakotay said. “Families are important to us. The ones we’re born into and the ones we choose for ourselves.”

“Perhaps the Slignates are simply living with a sort of evolved version of the ‘choose your own family’ belief system,” Kathryn said. She gave a soft smile to Silvatsa and raised her eyebrows at Chakotay. She didn’t want to accidentally offend their hosts. The Slignates may claim that they couldn’t be offended and that they were entirely tolerant of different belief systems, but they might also like to feel like their own belief systems and customs were validated every now and again. 

Chakotay clearly caught on, because he smiled and nodded his head. 

“It sounds as though it could be something like that,” Chakotay said. “With the way our society is going—and with the way that things are even changing on Voyager—I could see us making some dramatic changes to the way that we raise children in the future. As Kathryn said, our daughter does belong to Voyager in a lot of ways, and I see a lot of protectiveness among the members of our crew. They will surely assist us in raising her and caring for her.”

Silvatsa seemed pleased with the almost-parallel between them. She was so pleased, in fact, with the newfound commonality among their species, that she offered them another round of drinks and ordered a special beverage that she insisted Kathryn try. It was a warm drink that was typically reserved for children and special occasions, but Silvatsa felt that Kathryn’s daughter—since she was something of a mysterious entity to a Savit who only spent time among egg-laying friends—might enjoy the beverage. She was happy to find that Kathryn, after tasting the beverage, declared that she did quite enjoy it, and she’d like the recipe for Neelix if it wouldn’t be too much of a bother.

Even though unnecessary attachments were uncomfortable for the Slignates, it was clear that Silvatsa wanted to find some common ground between their species. The Slignates valued friendship and interaction even if they believed that family ties weren’t needed.

Kathryn indulged her by being as friendly as she could be, and Silvatsa entertained her with at least another half an hour worth of information about the typical divisions of labor among the Slignates. Kathryn listened to everything she said, but she latched onto what she found especially interesting. The Slignates—though they were a species that wanted peace and enjoyed being hospitable—had a rather large military, and it seemed to be well-organized.

“Do you have many enemies?” Kathryn asked. “Everyone we’ve seen here seems perfectly at ease. Everyone seems comfortable. Their needs are met.”

“We fight very little,” Silvatsa said. “We prefer peace and we’ll do whatever we can to have peace with other species. We prefer to share knowledge and goods openly rather than taking them by force.”

“Then why the need for such an organized military force?” Kathryn asked. 

“Is it simply for self-protection?” Chakotay asked.

“For protection,” Silvatsa agreed. “There are three planets in our immediate vicinity.”

“We saw two others,” Kathryn said.

“There is a third,” Silvatsa said. “The third is very small. It is barely the size of a fourth of Slagnaugh.”

“We only saw life on this planet and one other,” Kathryn said. “At least—that’s all our sensors could detect.”

Silvatsa nodded her agreement.

“That wasn’t the way that it always was,” Silvatsa said. “When I was a very small girl, we were at war. This was about...”

The translator found it impossible to translate the passage of time that Silvatsa indicated. Kathryn tried a few different ways to explain how humans measured time in the hope that they could find something in common, and she finally understood that the Slignates did, indeed, use a similar system to human time. They marked how often the two moons that orbited their planet crossed paths. Kathryn had no way of knowing, though, how often that actually happened. If she guessed correctly, though, Silvatsa had the potential to be quite old. She had lived far longer than any human ever had—and she was clearly still considered to be quite young to be the chosen Savit for her people.

“The Bandigens sought to fight with everyone,” Silvatsa said. “Where we prefer peace, they prefer conflict. They were greedy. They wanted everything, but they didn’t want to trade. They thought it was easier to simply take. When I was a small girl, they developed a weapon that destroyed the entire populations of both Radgen and Treon.”

“The uninhabited planets?” Kathryn asked.

Silvatsa nodded.

“No Slignates have returned to those planets since the populations were erased. The Bandigens still travel to those planets to mine the land. We have seen evidence of horrible mutations in the Bandigens that have gone to the planet. We believe that the atmosphere may be radioactive.”

“But they don’t care because their greed drives them,” Chakotay offered. “Their lives are even less valuable to them than the goods that they can mine there.”

Silvatsa nodded. The Slignate that served her entered the room to bring around a tray of sweets and Silvatsa selected a plate for herself before she returned to the tray to select two desserts which she placed in front of Kathryn—leaving Chakotay to select his own from those available on the tray.

“The pie is sweet,” Silvatsa said. “Made with a berry that grows here. Your furry cook has asked for seeds.”

Kathryn laughed to herself at the translator’s offered description of Neelix. She would keep it to herself since he might not like his whiskers being referred to as fur. 

“And this?” Kathryn asked, gesturing to the other. 

“A sweet cream pudding,” Silvatsa said. “Smooth. It’s a delicacy. Made from the nut milk that you drank earlier.”

“I don’t need two desserts,” Kathryn offered.

“One for you,” Silvatsa said, “and one for your young.”

Kathryn laughed to herself. She glanced at Chakotay. He was slightly red in the face, and he wasn’t trying to hide his pleasure at all. 

“I like her,” he said teasingly.

“He’s always trying to get me to eat more,” Kathryn said, giving an explanation to Silvatsa before she tasted her dessert and praised it. “The Bandigens—didn’t you call them that? Do they often cause you trouble?” 

“They sometimes create problems for those that would trade here,” Silvatsa said. “At times they attack Slagnaugh. Their attacks are always unexpected, even though we do our best to monitor them.”

“You’re not afraid they’ll use the weapon against you?” Chakotay asked. “Whatever they used to destroy the other two planets?” 

“They have tried,” Silvatsa said. “But something in the atmosphere surrounding our planet protects us. That’s the only reason, I believe, that the Bandigens leave us mostly in peace. That and—we have tried to establish something of a peace treaty with them by offering them some of our trade goods.”

“But they still attack sometimes?” Kathryn asked.

“They are not a trustworthy species,” Silvatsa said.

“Tell me about the wormhole,” Kathryn requested.

“It connects us to a number of our trading planets,” Silvatsa said. “I have never travelled it myself, but I’ve been told that the other end of it emerges in a location where other wormholes are located. They’re frequently used for trade routes.”

“Is it stable?” Chakotay asked. 

“It has been there as long as I’ve been alive,” Silvatsa said. “I assume that it was there long before that.”

“Where is it?” Kathryn asked.

“Just on the other side of Slagnaugh. Just near the side of our planet that is nearest the home of the Bandigens.”


	102. Chapter 102

AN: Here we are, another chapter here. 

I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!

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“The Borg never assimilated either species according to Seven of Nine,” Chakotay said. “So we don’t know anything more about them than what Silvatsa has told us.”

“Everything they’ve told us about their technology checks out,” B’Elanna said. “In a lot of ways, it’s comparable to our own. They’ve offered us some information on a possible renewable energy source coming from a plant we can grow in airponics. They use it in their energy replication systems and they seem to work very much like our replicators.”

“The information on the wormhole appears to be accurate as well,” Tuvok said. “We have done extensive scans on the area. With our proximity to the two uninhabited planets, we’re able to detect signs of radiation in the atmosphere. It appears that the planet has something of a protective covering that keeps it safe from the radiation.”

“Natural or man-made?” Chakotay asked.

“By all accounts, natural,” Tuvok said. “The same protective layer sometimes interferes with radio frequencies—or so I was told by both the Slignate that I spoke with and a trader from another species that was looking for radio parts in the marketplace.”

“What about the wormhole?” Kathryn asked. 

She’d called the table meeting of her senior officers and select staff because they would have the most information to offer her to assist her in making her decision about how they should proceed.

“The wormhole’s stable, Captain,” Tom offered. “I spoke to a pilot who brought in a freighter two days ago. He says he travels the route what would be the equivalent of every month for us. He’s been travelling it for a long time.”

“Apparently it leads to a hub,” Harry said. “There are dozens of wormholes there. All of them lead to different places. There are no planets in the general vicinity of the hub, so it’s best to know where you’re headed when you get there.”

“How would we know,” Kathryn asked, “when we don’t even know where there is?” 

“When I pressed Seven for information on the species that we encountered on the surface of the planet,” Chakotay offered, “there were three that she could identify. One of them came from a planet that she identifies as being at least in the right direction.”

“How far will it take us?” Kathryn asked.

Chakotay and Tom exchanged glances. The two of them had clearly spoken about this already. Tom practically leaned across the table.

“That’s the good news, Captain,” Tom said. “If we take the wormhole here, and we follow the wormhole that was indicated by the freighter pilot that Seven recognized as coming from the species whose home was closest to the Alpha Quadrant—and if the wormholes take us out where we think they will, we’ll travel 6,000 lightyears from our current location in the matter of a day.”

Kathryn’s heart nearly stopped in her chest.

“Six thousand?” She asked.

“Six thousand,” Tom repeated.

“That’s six years closer to home,” Kathryn said.

“And the Slignates have given us their blessing to use their wormhole,” Tom said. “The other is free space. It doesn’t belong to anyone. We can use it if we want.”

“The only concern, of course, is the proximity of the wormhole to the Bandigen’s planet,” Tuvok said.

“Other species use the wormhole daily,” Kathryn said. “Surely they’ll pay no more attention to Voyager than they do the other ships.”

“Therein lies the catch,” Tuvok said. “The other species that frequently travel the wormhole are part of a trade association that is established with the Slignates. The Slignates share trade goods with the Bandigens in an effort to keep the peace between their planets—a peace treaty which the Bandigens do not always honor. Voyager is not part of the trade association.”

“So you think that they’ll target Voyager?” Kathryn asked.

“It is highly likely, Captain,” Tuvok said. “I spoke with one of the captains of their military. He said it is possible that the Bandigens will break their peace with the Slignates to attack the planet even while we are here. It has been some time since there was an attack and they are, in essence, due for another.”

“What kind of weapons do they have?” Chakotay asked.

“Their greatest weapon has no effect in the atmosphere of the planet,” Tuvok said. “With that being known, if they attack on the planet’s surface, it is likely that they will be fighting with little more than weapons which compare to our phasers.”

“And if they attack us in the air?” Kathryn asked.

“That remains to be seen,” Tuvok said. “It is suspected that their greatest weapon was something like Earth’s atomic bomb. The weapon hasn’t been used in a great deal of time and it’s possible that they no longer even produce or possess such a weapon. It is also highly likely that such a weapon could not be loaded onto one of their warships for use in the air. When they have attacked freighters for one reason or another—usually for reasons of piracy—they have done so with an array of lesser weapons.”

“Lesser weapons that Voyager could withstand?” Kathryn asked.

“If they use the weapons that we’ve seen reported,” Tuvok said, “then our shields should have no difficulty holding until we can escape through the wormhole.”

“If they use something else,” Kathryn finished for him, “then it’s anybody’s guess.”

“Precisely,” Tuvok agreed.

“What are the odds that they attack Slagnaugh while we’re grounded?” Kathryn asked.

“I wouldn’t rule out any possibility,” Tuvok said. “There is one positive side to a possible attack, however, if it happens on the ground.”

Kathryn laughed to herself.

“What is that?” She asked.

“If they attack on the ground,” Tuvok offered, “then they will also engage the Slignate military. It is a considerable force. Once that attack is in action, then the peace treaty is temporarily broken. The Slignates will be free to fight against the Bandigens both on land and in the air. They won’t have a reason to attempt to preserve peace.”

“In other words,” B’Elanna said, “if we’re lucky enough to fight them on the ground, then we can leave and the Slignates will have an excuse to help us fight against their air forces while we slip through the wormhole.”

“Their scanners have detected signs that the Bandigens are scanning Slagnaugh,” Tuvok said. “It is reasonable to suspect that they are monitoring our presence. If we remain on the planet’s surface, it is likely that they will attack in an effort to gain whatever goods they can from Voyager.”

“Are you suggesting our best course would be to remain grounded long enough to invite an attack?” Chakotay asked.

“I am not suggesting anything,” Tuvok said. “I am merely pointing out that such an attack would provide us with allies once Voyager left the surface of the planet.”

“But it would require us to fight while we were on the surface,” Chakotay said, “and it would guarantee that we would be flying into an attack.”

“It’s almost certain we’re flying into an attack if we try to go through the wormhole,” Tom said. “At least that’s what I’m hearing.”

“We’re not to interfere with the conflicts between other species,” Kathryn said. 

“If we’re attacked,” B’Elanna said, “then we’re not interfering. We’re defending ourselves from an attack that just happened to take place between two species who had had previous conflict.”

Kathryn sighed.

“Six years is a long time,” Kathryn said. “But I don’t want to risk losing anyone in a fight. I prefer to stay out of conflicts and phaser fire if such a thing can be avoided. I don’t want to knowingly lead my crew into trouble.”

“What if we speak to the crew?” Harry asked. “What if we present the information to the crew? You said it yourself, Captain. Six years is a long time. We could take a vote.”

“And the majority drags the minority into war?” Kathryn asked.

“We’ve fought larger battles with less payoff,” Tom said.

Kathryn looked at Chakotay.

“I know you don’t agree with this,” Kathryn said. “So let me hear your side of things.”

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders. 

“I don’t like the idea of fighting. I’d rather if we could do this without any conflict. But it sounds like the Bandigens enjoy conflict. The Slignates appear to be a peaceful race. They don’t have any problems with the other species. We might be doing them and the others a favor if we were to help them control the Bandigens a bit. In exchange, we could be six years closer to home.”

Kathryn raised her eyebrows at him.

“So you’re supportive of the idea of going into some kind of war?” Kathryn asked.

“War might be a touch melodramatic,” Chakotay said. “And I would prefer it if you and a few other select crewmen were to take cover if it came to hand-to-hand combat, but I also know that the majority of our crew will see this—without a doubt—as a risk they’re willing to take.”

Kathryn considered it a moment. Everyone at the table was watching her. Nobody wanted to fight. Nobody wanted to enter into conflict. But the truth was that they’d been in fights before and there had been less of a payoff for the whole crew. Six years off their trip would mean a lot to the crew. Many of them would be willing to risk some injury for the chance to save the time.

In gaining something for themselves, as well, they could potentially help the Slignates who were more than willing to give them what they could—and apparently to fight for them if they gave them a reason to cease their peace treaty with the Bandigens.

Normally it was Kathryn who wanted to run into things while Chakotay held her back. This time it was Chakotay who was arguing that they go ahead with the plan. 

Kathryn glanced around the table once more. Each of the faces was watching her expectantly. She sighed.

“I’d rather not fight,” Kathryn said. “But—if we’re going to fight, I’d rather have the Slignate military on our side. Gather the crew. In teams, talk to them. I want everyone who doesn’t want to fight to take refuge on Voyager. We’ll keep the Bandigens away from the ship as long as possible. Tuvok—let’s talk to the Slignates about strategy. We’ll get them started, and we’ll help them get the upper hand, but then we’ll need them to cover us so that Voyager can take off without difficulty.

“Aye, Captain,” Tuvok said. 

“I want everyone armed,” Kathryn said. “The Bandigens are probably watching the planet. We don’t even know how closely they’re able to monitor our activity. Everyone is to act as normal as possible. We want everyone going on about their normal activities. Don’t let on that we’re planning anything, but I want everyone armed.”

“Aye, Captain,” Chakotay said, clearly taking the order as something that he could help arrange.

“We need to make sure Voyager is ready to go,” Kathryn said. “We may need to leave in a hurry and we’ll need all weapons ready to go online.”

“Aye, Captain,” B’Elanna said with a smile.

“We need to be sure we’ve got maps and coordinates,” Kathryn said. “The minute we’re in the wormhole, we should be safe, but we still need to know where we’re going. If we’re followed, we need to be ready to move to the next wormhole quickly. We don’t want to waste a lot of time.”

“I’m on it, Captain,” Tom offered.

“I guess everyone knows what they’re doing,” Kathryn said. “I’ll speak to Silvatsa. Dismissed.”

Everyone left the table except for Chakotay. Kathryn waited until the room was clear to look at him.

“I’m surprised you agreed to this,” Kathryn said. 

“It’s six years,” Chakotay said. “I knew that I’d be in the minority. If I held us back from this because of my own selfish reasons, the crew would never forgive me. They’d be willing to risk just about everything for a chance at knocking that kind of time off the trip.” 

“It’s only fair that we risk it, too,” Kathryn said.

“I would say that I’d prefer you to stay on the ship and take cover,” Chakotay said. “But I know you won’t listen.” 

“A good captain leads her people,” Kathryn said. “Wherever that may be. I can’t send them where I would be afraid to go.”

Chakotay nodded his head. 

“Just promise me that you’ll be careful,” Chakotay said. “And carry a phaser.” 

Kathryn smiled at him.

“You have my word, Commander.”


End file.
